02x13 - My Wife Belongs to Daddy

[bunniefuu]

- [ Rings]
- Hello?

- You're right. I'll change.
- No, no, honey.

No. I was laughing
because you look so, uh-

so cute.

Yeah, I know. That's why this has been
hanging in the closet for- for two years.

- Some guys can wear cute. I can't.
- Ah, sure you can.

Come here, you cute little thing.

Bob, what's that smell?

It's, uh, cologne. I got a free sample
with my shaving cream.

Oh. You used the whole bottle?

Well, I didn't mean to, but it was a little bottle,
and I figured it had a little hole...

- but, uh, it had a big hole.
- Oh.

Ilikeit.

“Shanghai Musk.“

Gee, Bob.

With your happi coat and Shanghai Musk,
what'd you have in mind?

I thought I might watch kung fu.

- {insistent Knocking]
- [Man ] All right. Open in there.

It's the police. This is a bust.

Uh,just a minute.

- We haven't done anything. - [Man] G '.
Then open up and let me see my daughter.

Oh, my gosh, Bob!
It's Daddy!

[Both Screaming]

- Oh, Daddy! Oh!
- Oh, it's so wonderful to see you!

- I can't believe it.
- Here. Let me makeyour eyes bug a little.

Oh, Daddy!
Oh, what are you doing here?

- You should be in Seattle.
- So should you. it's just not the same without you.

- Oh!
- [ Mother] Oh!

Isn't this wonderful?
It's like old times-just the three of us.

Oh, Mother.

- Hey, Bob.
- Bob, hello.

Hiya.

Bob, when you say “Hiya“ in that robe,
you should be breakin' a brick.

Oh, yeah. The robe. I forgot.
Let me get out of this silly thing.

Oh, no, don't!
It looks wonderful.

Leave it on.
Oh, you look so- so-

- Cute.
- Right.

Look, sit down and relax.
I'll go put on some coffee.

Here's something
that should go with it.

Oh, I bet I know what this is.

Do you think it's blueberry cheesecake
just because it's your favorite?

- Yes, I do.
- Right.

- I knew it. Thank you!
- Your mom wanted me to buya real big one...

- so she could pop out of it.
-junior!

- Oh, Daddy, you're terrible!
- Well, how, uh- how/ong are you gonna stay?

- Oh,just a few days, I'm afraid.
- That's too bad.

- I wish you could stay longer.
- Okay. Fine. We'll stay for a year.

I don't care how long you're staying,
but you're gonna stay here with us.

- Oh, no, darling. We couldn't do that.
- Well, of course you can.

You'll sleep in our bed. We have plenty
of room, and Bob doesn't mind, do you, dear?

No.

There's nobody sleeping
in your bed but you and Bob.

- Besides, we've already checked into a hotel.
- Oh, good.

I mean, uh-
I mean, that's a good hotel.

What's the name of the hotel?

This is so like you, Daddy,
tojust surprise us.

- Honey, would you open these?
- Yeah.

So what brings you
to Chicago, Mr. Harrison?

Come on, Bob.
First names.

Of course you're right.
lt'sjust I find it awfully difficult...

to call my father-in-law “junior?

- Atta boy.
- [Emily] Honey you want some cheesecake?

Yeah. Please.

Bob, if you don't want any
of those nuts, I'll take some.

Oh, no. I'll just run it
under some hot water.

It's vacuum packed,
and it's almost impossible to open.

Let me try.

Well, uh,you did
the preliminaries, Bob.

Speaking of nuts, how's everything going
in your line of work?

- [Knocking]
- I'll, uh-l'll get that.

- [Emily] Daddy, you haven't changed a bit.
- [junior] I was just kidding.

Hi, Bob.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Am I interrupting something?

- No, no, Howard. Come on in. I want
you to meet my folks. - Oh, great.

This is my mom and dad, the Harrisons. Howard
Borden, our friend and next-door neighbor.

- Hello.
- Mrs. Harrison. Mr. Harrison.

- Call mejunior.
-junior?

Junior. I love it
when grown-up men have baby names.

That's great. My uncle's ,
and they call him Skippy.

You must be a navigator,
huh, Howard?

Gee, how'd you know that?
Most people think I'm a pilot.

Well, for one thing, you're sober.

- Junior was a - belly gunner, wasn't he?
- Wow.

Those must've been great clays.
Yak-yak-yak and bombs away...

and dogfights and Messerschmitts
at : high.

- You know, Bob was in Korea.
- Oh, uh, did you fly, Bob?

- No. We, uh- We took the boat.
- Thanks.

They say if you've got the time,
that's the way to go.

Emily, do you remember
whenjunior came home from the w*r?

All I remember is being happy
and everybody singing.

Oh,junior still loves to sing.

♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom
I get so lonely when I dream about you ♪

[All ] ♪ Can't do without you
That's why I dream about you ♪

- Excuse me, Bob.
- ♪ lfl could only put my arms around you ♪

- ♪ Life would be so fair;
- Come on, Bob. The more, the merrier.

- ♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom boom, boom,
boom, boom ♪ - ♪ I get so lonely;

- JWhen I dream about you ♪ [ indistinct]
- ♪ I get so lonely when I-J

;That's why I dream about you ♪

- J Live without you J
- J lfl could only put my arms around you J

-; Boom, boom, I-J
- ♪ Life would be so fairg';

Bob, do you think one sweater'll be warm enough?
Maybe I'd better take two, huh?

Emily, if you're going horseback riding
by the lake at : in the morning...

the only thing that's gonna
keep you warm is if the horse is on fire.

You know, Bob...

Daddy and I used to go horseback riding
every morning in Seattle...

sometimes even in the snow.

Emily, how come you never mentioned
you liked horseback riding?

Well, I kind of put it aside when we got married,
you know, you being afraid of horses.

Wait a minutejust because we've never
gone riding doesn't mean I'm afraid of horses.

Bob, we did go once.
Do you remember?

Yeah, well, that horse
did keep snorting at me.

Bob...

do you have anything
on your mind?

You know,
you were awfully quiet tonight.

No, I wasn't quiet. It was just kind of tough
getting a word in with everyone talking.

Well,you know how it is with my family.
You gottajustjump right in there.

Yeah, welLjumping in is kind
of a hard thing for me, you know.

I've always been taught that you don't
interrupt someone as long as they're talking-

- Oh, honey, come on.
- till they're finished talking.

- See what I mean?
- I'm sorry. lt'sjust the way my family is.

Well, honey,
your family is more outgoing than mine.

I remember when my dad came home
from the w*r, and my mom met him at the door...

and shook his hand and said,
“Welcome home, Herb...

and thanks for a job well done.“

I mean, it isn't that I don't like your parents.
You know, I really do.

- Aw, you don't mind all the kidding around?
- No.

I know your dad has a sense of humor,
and I enjoy it.

Aw. Good. Well,
: comes awfully early.

- Good night.
- Good night, honey.

' Emily?
_ Mm?

Your dad was kidding
about staying for a year, wasn't he?

He's a terrific guy,jerry, you know.
He's very interesting.

He's an outdoorsman, but still with kind
of a sophistication, you know?

He knows the right wine
for every occasion.

He knows every occasion,
pays for every occasion.

He's got a great sense of humor.
He's a w*r hero. He was a great athlete.

- I could go on and on,jer.
- You already have, Bob.

He sounds like the greatest guy
in the world, so what's wrong?

When he's around,
Emily's whole personality changes, you know?

She's much happier, much brighter,
more full of fun than when we're alone together.

I used to know a guy just like that
in dental school. Matt Phillips.

When that guy walked into a room,
I disappeared... without leaving.

- That really gave me a complex.
- How'd you deal with itjerry?

Well, I dealt with it in the most mature way
I could: I tied knots in his dental floss.

I mean, I feel like a visitor
in my own hometown.

He showed me parts of Chicago
I didn't even know existed.

I mean, there's only one place I can think of
that I could take him that would impress him.

Well, that's it then, Bob.
You take him there.

Well, it's gonna involve a great deal
of sacrifice on your parLjerry.

Oh, Bob, you know
I'd do anything in the world for you.

Jerry, sell me your two tickets
for the Bears- er game Sunday.

- Except that.
- [Knocking]

Oh, hLJer. Bob,
Emily and your father-in-law are here.

They're in your office. Boy, thatjunior
is really the most terrific guy I ever met.

He's a terrific guy, Bob.
Did you know that?

- I know that, Carol.
- Ah.

- I'll be there in a minute.
- Okay.

Okay, Bob.
You've got the tickets.

- Thankyoujerry. How much you want?
- You can't put a value on these.

- This is the big game. These are priceless.
- How muchjerry?

Fifteen bucks.

- [Emily] Nice fi ce, isn't it, Daddy?
- Yeah. Very nice.

- It's not depressing at all.
- fBobjH/Z

- Uh,junior Harrison, this isjerry Robinson.
- HiyaJerry.

- Hi,junior.
- Emily tells me you're an orthodontist.

That's right.
I catch 'em when they're young.

I guess I was lucky.
I never had any cavities.

Yeah. I mighfve guessed that.

You've met-
You've met Carol?

- Ohh.
- Oh, sure. Carol and I are old friends.

You know, her father
runs a lumberyard in Collinsville...

and carries the same line
of bench vises that we do.

Really?
Carol never mentioned that.

I haven't mentioned a lot
of my vices, Bob.

That's funny.
Great sense of humor.

- Give her a raise, Bob.
- Yeah. Give her a raise, Bob.

Yeah. Great sense of humor.

- Where's Aggie? - Mother's shopping,
sol thought I'd take Daddy by...

and show him your office
before we met her for lunch.

Yeah. I saw the inner sanctum there,
where all the deep, psychological probing goes on.

- Daddy, it's not that deep.
- No, not really. They'rejust normal people...

-with normal problems.
- [ Elevator Bell Dings]

Oh, hi, Dr. Hartley.
Want me to wait in the elevator?

Uh, Michelle, I thought we changed
your appointment till tomorrow.

- No. No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did, Michelle.

- I called and left a message with your father.
- Oh, no wonder.

My father never gives me my messages.
He never gives me affection...

the time of clay, nothing.

He's not a giving person.
Do you understand what I'm saying?

Well, uh, I'm new here.

- Michelle, why don't we talk about
that tomorrow? - Sure, sure. Tomorrow.

That's easy for you to say,
but I gotta go back and live with him today.

All right, Michelle. Go in my office.
I'll be with you in a minute.

- Thank you.
- It's : . I'm starved.

- Come on, everybody. I'll buy ya lunch.
- Hey, great.

- You too, Carol.
- Bob, do you want us to wait for you?

- Uh, no. You'd better go on ahead.
- Hey, Bob...

aren't you gonna telljunior
about the tickets, you know?

- Oh- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, tickets. That reminds me.

I called an old friend in Chicago to see
if he could scrounge up a couple tickets...

for the football game Sunday,
but he couldn't get me any.

- Good.
- But he did get me George Halas's box.

Yeah. George Halas
is the owner of the Bears.

-I know. I know.
- I expect you to comeJerry, and you too, Carol.

There's room for all of us.

Uh, honey, what were you
gonna tell Daddy about tickets?

- Tickets?
- Uh-huh.

Oh- Oh, yeah. Tickets.
I just wanted to say that I validate...

if you have any-
[Clears Throat]

Any parking tickets.

Forget it, Bob. It's on me.

Trying to barbecue in Chicago isn't easy.
The wind keeps blowing out there.

You flip a hamburger and miss,
you can give someone a meat concussion.

Say, maybe we oughta
put on an extra hamburger for Bob.

Oh, no, no. He'll get something at work.
He's got group tonight. He'll be home late.

Boy, Bob sure keeps late hours.
It's like bein' married to a doctor.

Daddy, Bob is a doctor.

I mean a real doctor,
you know, a body doctor.

Junior, please.
You know what Bob does.

And Emily knew what she was
getting into when she married Bob.

Obviously they're very happy
and very much in love.

You are happy, aren't you, Emily?

Well, I was just checking.
It's hard to tell with you.

Even as a child,
you never complained.

You even used to smackyour lips
when we gave you cod liver oil.

Oh, Mother,
I was not smacking my lips. I was gasping.

Besides, Bob isn't cod liver oil.
I've got nothing to complain about.

Of course you haven't.
Bob's kind of a quiet guy.

He's probably
just like that around us.

No, Daddy.
He's that way all the time.

- Well, uh, I- Mother?
- Uh, look, you two.

Now, we don't get to talk very often,
so why don't we sit down...

and I'll answer all those questions
you've been storing up.

- Come on.
- What questions?

You know.
The ones about Bob and our marriage.

Oh, uh, those questions.

Yeah, well, first of all...

after fouryears of marriage,
I'm more in love with Bob than ever.

Second, I'm working because I want to,
not because he can't support us.

Emily, darling, you don't have
to explain this to us.

Aggie, she wants to.

And, third, we want children;
we'rejust not rushing to have them.

- Well, uh, when do you think you
might start rushing? -junior!

Well, I sure could use someone
to take the business over someday-

you know, a grandson
to fish and hunt and arm wrestle with.

- Darling.
- You know, a grandson...

like-like Emily.

Like me?
[Growls, Yelps]

Oh, Daddy!
Why don't you ever let me win?

Bob, I made your reservations
at the Emerald Room tonight.

That really oughta
impress your father-in-law.

- Well, I'm not taking him there to impress him.
- Oh, Bob.

The Emerald Room is last year's restaurant.
If you wanna takejunior...

to someplace that'll really impress him
in Chicago, it's gotta be the Top of the Pyle.

I've heard of that place, Bob.

It's on top
of the Pyle Insurance Building.

Right on. Top. Sixty-six floors up.

- Well, I- I don't care, as long as it's impressive.
- Oh, it's really impressive.

You know how in most restaurants,
they call the maTtre d' “Captain“?

This place, they call him “Colonel?

- That's fine, as long as I get the check.
- Oh, you'll get the check.

But before you read it, take your napkin,
wad it up into a ball and bite down on it.

- That'll kind of muffle the scream.
- [Carol Laughs]

- Carol?
- Right, Bob. Top of the Pyle.

Oh, you're really gonna love that restaurant,
Bob. The whole place spins around.

Carol, get table number .
Less vibration from the motor.

- Go ahead, Carol.
- Oh, Bob, one last tip.

If you have to go to the men's room,
make sure you know...

what everybody at your table is wearing,
because when you get back, they won't be there.

Dr. Hartley, I have bad news. We've had
a breakdown, and we're not rotating right now.

Oh, fine.
The important thing is that...

I get the check.

Certainly, sir.
I'll tellyour captain.

Thank you very much, Colonel.

I'll have your drinks brought from the bar.
Follow me, sir.

- George, I have this table for Dr. Hartley.
- But I have it for Mr. Devereaux.

Milt, let's let them take it.
We've had table before.

First the floor doesn't rotate, now this.
This place is goin' downhill.

Please.

Signore.

Thank you very much. We appreciate that.
My in-laws live in Seattle.

Wish mine did.

- Terrific place, Bob.
-just lovely.

[Waiter Speaking Italian]

- Oh, uh, Captain?
- Yes, sir?

- Uh, make sure I get the check.
- Thank you, sir.

Oh, here comes our drinks.
just put those on our dinner check...

and make sure I get the check.

- [ High-pitched Yelp]
- Isn't it cute, honey?

- Look. All the prices are in lira.
- Thank God.

- You remember the last time we were in Italy?
- Yeah.

- Wasn't it lira to a dollar?
- That's right. .

to a dollar.

Well,just order anything you want.
Order everything.

- I'll just have the chicken.
- Well, why don't you have the steak and lobster?

- That's what I'm gonna have. - Would you
like to order now, or would you like to wait?

Pardon me.
By any chance, are you from Naples?

- Yes, I am.
- I thought so, Aggiejust like Matteo at home.

- That's who it is.
- What do you recommend?

A little veal piccata and
some zucchini é la “Napolitana? Perfect.

- Great. That's what I'll have.
- [ Emily] I'll have that too.

- [ Aggie ] just make that three.
- Yes, madame. And the same for you, sir?

- No. I think I'll stay with the steak and the lobster.
- Fine.

Three be/la di la . .
and one surf and turf.

Mm. This dessert is delicious,
Alfredo.

- What did you say it was called?
- Zabaglione.

- Is it as you remember it,junior?
- Perfetto.

And how was your apple pie, sir?

- Good. Real good.
- Thank you, sir.

Mother, do you-
Will you excuse us?

Daddy, you might as well
take the last bite of my dessert...

'cause I know you're gonna
snitch it anyhow.

- Bob, do you mind if I smoke?
- No. Not at all.

- How'd you enjoyyour dinner?
- Very much. This is a great place, Bob.

Uh, Bob, I think
we should have a talk.

Well, I thinkyou're right.
It's something you and I haven't done.

Somethings bothering me, and I hope
you don't take this personally, but it's you.

Well, I'll try not to take it personally.
What's- What's my problem?

Well, Bob, I thinkl have been
a pretty darn good father.

I must've clone something right
to raise a daughter like Emily.

I thinkyou've done
an excellentjob.

When she was a little girl,
she really looked up to me.

One day, when I was
building the cabin out at the lake...

she turned to me and said,
“Daddy, you're so strong and funny...

“and you can fish, and you can hunt,
and you can build a cabin.

You know how to do everything. Someday
I'm gonna marry a manjust like you.”

Well, she married a man like you, Bob.

Where did I go wrong?

I can fish.

You must be able to do a lot
of other things, because it's very obvious...

that she loves you more
than anything else in the whole world.

To tell you the truth, Bob-
This is very hard for me to say...

but I'm a little envious of you.

- You're envious of me?
- Yeah.

Well, that's funny, because I've been
feeling the same thing all week toward you.

You know, I've been trying
to, well, impress you.

Really? HOW?

- A lot of different ways.
- I hadn't noticed.

I guess I haven't been fair
to you at all, Bob.

You see, I've been trying
to impress everybody myself.

From now on, why don't we stop tryin' to
impress each other and start being ourselves?

- That's a great idea.
- Wait a minute. I'll get that.

- [ Bob] No. No, no, no, no.
- No, no. Please, I insist. Let me.

- Absolutely-
- Look, I gotta treat tonight.

- Absolutely not.
- [ Grumbles]

But, sir, about
the other gentleman-

Well,just forget about the other gentleman.
I'm taking care of that.

Uh-

- Thank you very much, sir.
- That's- That'll take care of the bill...

and then the rest is for you.

- Thank you again. Grazia.
- We're ready if you boys are.

- Well, we're ready. The bill's all taken care of.
- Yeah. Bob picked up the check.

- Honey, he's a terrific guy.
- Yes, I know, Daddy.

Excuse me. I really wanna thank you
for paying our check.

You didn't have to do that.

Very generous.
What a fantastic guy.

And this is your check, Dr. Hartley.

Emily, I want you to know that was one
of the nicest evenings of my life.

Oh, good, honey.
Mother and Dad really enjoyed it too.

It was also one
of the most expensive.

I was wondering how much it came to
since there were no dollars on the menu.

There were plenty of them on the bill.

L HGVGI' W SO many numbers.

- There were three of'em before you
got to the decimal point. - Oh, no.

That didn't even
include Milt's table.

You know, it was worth it though.
I really got close to your family-

on the ride home,
with all the singing.

You know, I think
I finally learned the words to that song.

♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom
I get so lonely when I dream of you ♪

Uh, Bob, you know,
I've heard that song all my life.

- Yeah.
- And I just hate it.

I do too.

♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom ♪

[ Both]
♪ I get so lonely when I dream about you ♪

[ Mews]