03x16 - The Novel

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Murphy Brown". Aired: November 14, 1988 – May 18, 1998.*
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Murphy Brown is the star reporter of "FYI," a newsmagazine series.
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03x16 - The Novel

Post by bunniefuu »

Uh-oh.

Somebody left something
in the copy machine.

"Brock wilder

"Sat gazing at his captors

"Knowing full well
if he divulged the information

His life would be..."

I'll take it.

I'm closer to the trash.

Maybe it's important.

Did anybody lose this?

"Brock wilder
sat gazing

At his captors, knowing..."

Oh, good heavens,
frank

It's mine.

What is it?

Just something I've been
working on.

A novel.

You wrote a novel?

Will you stop it,
frank.

I just started writing it
to fill up my free time.

What's it about?

Who's brock wilder?

He's a c.i.a. Agent foiling
an attempt by t*rrorists

To seize control
of nuclear arms.

May I have that?

"Tall, lanky,
a man of few words

"Brock would not let
his facial expression

Betray the emotions
churning within him."

Gee...

Now who does
that sound like?

Please, frank.

I'm not ready
to show it around.

I finished it last night

An$ame to make a copy
for doris.

Sure, let your wife read it.

But not me,
your friend.

Who once shared with you

A poem he wrote for darlene
in research--

A very personal poem...

You needed a word
that rhymed with "stamina."

Let me read it, jim.

I'm already hooked.
Please?

Oh, all right, frank.

You can read it.

Great!

Jim, did you get
that memo miles sent

About the annual sponsors
meeting?

Yes. We have to make
the keynote address.

We can work on it tonight.

It's a date.

Jim wrote a novel.

For pete's sake,
frank.

You wrote
a novel, jim?

How come you never
mentioned it?

I'm not sure it's very good.

I just finished it.

It needs polishing.

Writing a novel
must be very private.

When you're ready
to have it read

I'd be honored to.

Thank you for understanding.

Murph, it's about
this c.i.a. Agent, brock wilder.

Kind of the strong,
silent type.

Oh, you let frank read it?

He offered his opinion.

Counting doris, that makes two.

I'm not comfortable
showing it

To more people right now.

Oh, of course I understand.

I understand perfectly.

You know what
I'm thinking?

That time you checked me
into the betty ford center

And I told you about

My deepest fears
of failure

Which is nothing compared

To the time frank gave you
the name of a carwash

But if you prefer frank...

You'll make me miserable
until you see it?

You bet.

You can read it.

Read what?

Jim's written a novel.

He's not ready
to show it

But we can read it.

We can?! Oh!

This is
so exciting.

I was looking
for something new to read.

I just finished

Millie's book:
the story of a white house dog.

I'll make copies
for each of you.

But please don't mention it
to anyone else.

Of course.
Of course.

Morning, people.

Oh, all right, miles.

You'll have a copy tonight.

Hey, did you watch
the b*ll*ts play last night?

Bernard king was playing
like a...

Hall of famer.

What are you doing?

Just looking at your hair.

Your "smoky blond
shoulder-length tresses

"Which smell
like the warm summer nights

Of lost youth."

Let me see those legs
"that go on endlessly

And look like carvings
from heaven."

Frank, what are you
talking about?

Jim's novel.

Jeez, all that intrigue and sex.

Who knew he had it in him?

The writing
wasn't bad...

I'm not looking
for a literary review.

I'm talking about the woman
jim's character meets.

The foreign correspondent
named monique.

The one he has the hot,
passionate affair with?

It's you.

What?!

Oh, come on.

Don't tell me
you didn't notice.

Monique is a successful,
outspoken journalist

With a fiery temper
who always plays to win.

Did you start your car

With the garage door
closed again?

It's interesting

That jim has a secret attraction
towards you

And I missed it.

Hey, murph, what about
that elevator scene?

I never thought two people...

(Knock at door)

Hi.

Hi, miles.

You're just in time.

Frank's gone insane.

Let's watch.

I have something important
to discuss, monique.

A-ha!

Murphy, I see the potential
for awkwardness

That could disrupt
the balance

Among people
who must work here

Day after day.

So I hope
no one will do anything

To encourage anything
or anything.

Am I making myself clear?

No! What kind of language
is that?!

Encourage what?

Goings-on and such.

I read the elevator scene.

You are reading things into this
that aren't there.

If you don't believe me,
go talk to jim.

Talk to jim
about this?

That would be like talking
to my father about sex.

Jim's obviously had
thoughts about you

In the back of his head.

Only now they've come
to the front of his head

And out his hand
and onto paper.

Something bad is going
to happen.

I'm not going to listen
to this anymore.

You know,
you guys are both crazy.

The walk.
The walk.

Jim:
oh, hello.

Did everyone have
a pleasant evening last night?

Anything of interest or note
to occupy your time?

I just want to say

I read your novel
and I'm seeing your name

At the top
of the best seller list.

Did you like it?

I'm so glad.

Did anyone else read it?

We liked it too.

Oh, jim, I just finished
reading your book.

And it was really good.

Thank you, corky.

I'm very flattered.

But I want to ask you
about the woman--

The one brock has
the affair with

The aggressive,
overbearing, pushy one

Who always
gets her way.

Did you realize

You were writing
about murphy
at the time

Or was it just
an accident?

Murphy?

You think monique
is murphy?

That's preposterous.

Ha! I told you.

So you two also thought..?

Oh, this is rich.

How could any
rational person

Entertain
such a notion?

Hello, everyone.

Doris.
Doris.

Doris.
Doris.

It's doris.

How lovely
to see you here.

I didn't expect a visit
from you

But it's always welcomed.

I came to see murphy.

Murphy?

Murphy?
Murphy?
Murphy?

Oh?

I was wondering if you'd like
to have lunch with me today?

It's been so long
since we've done that.

Actually, I promised
some orphans

I'd take them...

I really want
to do this, murphy.

I really want to have lunch.

Okay.

After all, it is the second
most important meal of the day.

How about phil's
at : ?

Good. I can run a few errands.

Well, good seeing
all of you.

Good-bye, dear.

Murphy, see you at : .

I see you had some luck
at the shopping game.

Yes, there are
some lovely shops

On connecticut avenue.

I found a luggage store
jim would like.

Although
he isn't on the road

As much
as when we married

Years ago.

A different person
might have worried

About her husband being gone
so much, but not me.

Of course, some woman

Might cast her spell
over him

And draw that sweet,
unsuspecting man

Into her clutches

But I know I could
invite that woman

To the hardware store

That's next
to the luggage store

And put her face
in a vise.

I think I'll have
the chef salad.

Doris, I know
what this is about.

Monique is just a character
that jim made up.

Jim simply does not have
that kind of imagination.

A man who owns
pairs of brown socks

Does not suddenly
wake up and think

"There's something I'd like
to try in an elevator."

I want you to listen to me

Because I value
our friendship very much.

There are things I'll never know
about jim that you do

And there are things I know
that you never will.

I know how
he taps his knee

Under the anchor desk
three times for luck

Before every broadcast

And that he didn't want anyone
to see he cried

When we did our piece
on vietnam veterans.

I know he always orders
lemon shrimp and fried rice

On show night.

And I know something else.

I know jim dial loves doris dial
very much

And he loves me too--

As a friend.

The jim we both know

Isn't going to jeopardize
either of these relationships.

I feel more than
a little foolish

Like some
jealous housewife.

Murphy...

No need to apologize.

Hello there.

Jim.

Hello, jim.

And I'm happy
to see you too, doris.

Ah, you've done
some shopping.

What have we here?

Oh, good heavens.

So, here you are...

Having lunch.

Jim, everything is fine.

It's fine, dear.

Oh, well, I knew it would be.

I was just passing by

Because I wanted the pleasure
of seeing your face

In the afternoon

But I've seen it now

So I'll just
be on my way.

What time can I expect you home?

Murphy and I have to finish
a project together.

It could go pretty late.

Doris:
I see.

Don't work too hard, dear.

Murphy, after lunch

Perhaps we'll stroll
by that hardware store

So you know
where it is.

Jim:
why don't we open

With that demographic chart
of our audience

Then the sponsors will know
who is seeing our ads.

Sorry.
My fault.

Go ahead.
No, pick it up.

I'm not sure we should start
with a lot of facts and figures.

It might be better
to end with this one.

We should talk about
the tradition of legs

In broadcasting.

Meaning f.y.i.
Has great staying power

Thus using the term "legs"

Meaning, to be there when others
have tried to k*ll themselves.

What else
could you have possibly meant?

I'm going to get a cup of sex...
Coffee!

All the information we need
is here.

Let's put this
after this.

This goes here,
this goes there.

What's this chart?

It's the quarterly report

Of incremental
ratings expansion.

You read it across like so.

Jim, did you
just smell my hair?

I was merely clearing some dust
from my nasal passages.

Would you like to go
to phil's and work?

Yes.

It would be good
to see phil.

Very good to see phil.

I work better

On a full stomach.

I'm not really hungry.

Corky.
Corky.

Oh, hi.

I thought I could tiptoe in
for some coffee.

Ooh, you did?

Now my train of thought
is shot to hell.

I can't work like this.

Enjoy your evening.

I knew it. I was right.

You wrote about murphy.

I don't want to hear.

What happened?

There I was in the office
with good old murphy.

Suddenly she began
to look different.

I found myself
with certain feelings.

I smelled her hair.

Oh, god, no!
That's it.

Starting tomorrow,
all the women wear hairnets.

Okay, let's not panic.

Looking at women
and thinking about women

Is normal,
even if it's murphy.

Do you fantasize
about every woman in the office?

Well, yeah.

It doesn't mean anything.

When I met murph,
I tried to pick her up.

She opened her mouth
and it k*lled the fantasy.

This is the important thing
to remember:

This won't change
your relationship with murphy.

It's a game between the ears
that men get to play.

The situation is different
with me.

I put my thoughts about murphy
in print.

Men... We're nothing
but animals.

Do women talk about us this way?

It's not in their nature.

...and on a scale
of one to ten

I'd give frank's butt
a seven.

When I met frank,
he tried to pick me up.

He was cute, but his pants
were baggy in the seat.

That k*lled it for me.

Do you think jim
has a hairy chest?

Oh, god, jim...

I know there's a way
to handle this.

I just wish I knew
what it was.

It's so obvious.

He clearly wants you.

You have to get that fantasy
out of his head.

Men have always
been attracted to me.

It's a curse.

Let's deal with one fantasy
at a time.

You respect jim,
but he's a man.

He has no control
over himself.

You're a woman.

It's your responsibility
to heal the relationship.

Otherwise, you'll never
be able to face him.

We're supposed to work together
tomorrow night.

What do I say to him?

"Pass me a pencil

"And try to ignore
my ripe, inviting lips

That make a man
forget his own name."

Murphy, you'll talk
about this problem.

You have to get it out
in the open.

Discuss it.

It's the only way.

Avoidance is always
the answer.

She'll try
and get you to talk.

Women always do that.

Be evasive. Keep moving.

Don't let her pin you down.

Work talk only.

No chit-chat.

Chit-chat is death.

Jim, before
we get to work

We have to talk
about something.

It's late.
Got to go.

Murphy, I really don't think
there's time to talk.

We have a lot of work
ahead of us.

An incredible amount.

This can't wait.

We have too much to do.

How about wo ping's
for dinner?

I like the shrimp...

You want me,
and we have to talk.

The fried rice is good.

I'll have that.

Jim, we can't ignore
what's going on between us.

We have to talk about it

Because it's not going
to just go away.

I think you have
a little crush on me.

I think you'll feel better
if you admit it.

No.

Jim, I want you
to look at me.

Come on.

Look at me.

No.

Jim, please.

You know how important
this is.

Now, come on,
look at me

And tell me what's going
through your mind.

Good. Good.

Now. What are you
thinking?

I was thinking how attractive
those glasses look on you.

Well, thank you.

That wasn't so hard,
was it?

Now, let's go
a little deeper.

In fact, I'll start.

Once we were sitting
at the anchor desk

And just for a flash

I wondered what kind
of underwear you were wearing.

Really?

Really.

Once you get these things
out in the open

It seems sort of silly.

Yes, I guess it does.

Now it's your turn.

Have you ever imagined
anything about me?

Well, actually...

Come on.
I know this is hard.

I was just now thinking
about something...

Yes. Go on.

About you and me.

Right.

Making wild, crazy love
in this chair

Or on the xerox machine...

While ernie the janitor
is in the next room.

This has been helpful.

Let's get back to work.

Dear lord, what was I saying?

Where did that come from?

Let's get back to work.

No, no.
Page three...

We can't go back.

We have to talk this through.

No. If we ignore it,
it will go away.

I've obviously
been carrying around

A lot of very strong feeling
for you

Buried so deep
I wasn't even aware I had it.

When did it start?

Probably in rome

When we found
that little cafe

When we were researching
the vatican bank scandal.

Remember that?

Rome? Little cafe?

Nope, doesn't ring a bell.

I remember it so vividly.

I watched the way you ate
your pasta primavera

With such... Passion.

Then we walked outside

Into the hard rain

Your hair all wet
and tousled

Then you got into a fight
with that cab driver.

Oh, yeah...
He tried to overcharge us.

I got out of the cab

And cracked his headlights
with my umbrella.

That was fun.

Fun?

He was only slightly smaller
than a refrigerator.

He punched me.

My nose bled all over
my custom-made shirt.

You have a way
of antagonizing people.

Whenever we travel

I have to defend you
every five minutes.

Imagine a life like that.

It could be exciting...

Our blood always racing.

Like that time in paris.

What time in paris?

We had just finished our story
on mitterrand.

We went to the cinema
to see apres amour.

I remember sitting there
in the dark with you

The smell of your perfume
enveloped me.

Then you started yelling things
at the screen.

The picture stank.

People smearing
each other with brie

Isn't my idea
of good storytelling.

I had to get out
of there.

I remember you driving us
to the hotel.

My life flashed before me.

Driving on the sidewalk
at the louvre.

Men don't like that...

And never letting people
finish a sentence...

That's not true.

Ah. You see?

God, you and me.

I can see myself
in ten years--

Talking to strangers
just to hear my own voice.

I could forget
about furniture I liked.

Maybe I could keep one
of my peggy lee albums.

What was I thinking?

I must have been insane.

Lord. I'm feeling much better...

Like some awful fever
has broken.

You were right, murphy.

I'm so glad we talked.

Aren't you?

Oh, yeah.

I feel really great
about myself now.

Maybe I'll just
top off the night

By trying on a bathing suit
under fluorescent light.

Now that that's settled,
let's finish this up

So I can get back to work
on my novel.

Your novel?

Isn't that how
all this trouble started?

Oh, it's just
a little rewrite.

Monique will be a lovely,
and I hope forgiving, redhead

Brock's been married to
for years.

I like it. I like it a lot.

Thank you, murphy.

It's so nice to know
I can count on you

Even after I've made
a complete ass of myself.

Hey, you've always
been there for me.

I love you, jim.

I love you, murphy.

So. Shall we get
some work done, slugger?

You're on.

Oh, by the way

Miles told me something
at phil's last night

About a dream he had.

You were in it and...

Well, you may want

To have this same conversation
with him.
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