stopped at : .
I think we should move
Frank's segment up
And put Jim's commentary
behind Corky's piece.
How do you feel about that?
Well, this is odd.
I only have
French fries.
Those three
aren't even full-size.
That one is black
on one end.
I never eat those.
You normally get
from to fries.
Not that I count--
That would border
on the eccentric
! There was one
under my lettuce.
This is why
I hate working over lunch.
Yesterday, we couldn't plan
our special on immigration
Because Murphy's bun
didn't have sesame seeds on it.
I've been eating here
since
years of sesame seeds
And then one day,
without warning, bang!
Bald bun.
Hey, guys.
My napkin doesn't have "Phil's"
printed on it.
Gross!
Good lord!
No wonder you're always hungry,
Frank.
Nothing ever makes it
into your mouth.
There's a pattern
developing here.
A lot of things have been different.
There is only one color chalk
For the men's room
graffiti board.
I wouldn't have noticed
But I was drawing Bush
at the Japanese banquet
And I needed green
for his face.
Anyone here
for dessert?
No just the check, Phil
Hey, I noticed
your napkins
Don't have your name
printed on them.
Oh well... the supplier
got my order mixed up
And sent me that said
"Happy th Anniversary,
Butch and Queenie"
So I sent them back.
Frank:
Well, what about
the chalk
In the men's room?
I'm trying to run
a restaurant here.
I got better things to do
with my time
Than to order you chalk.
You spend too much time
writing in the bathroom, anyway.
Give me that, Frank.
You guys go ahead.
I'll catch up.
Murphy's
paying the bill?
Don't question it.
Just get out before she
changes her mind.
Phil, you got a second?
You're not going to hound me
About that sesame seed thing
again, are you?
I told you yesterday
It was some kind
of mutant bun
I don't know
how it got in there.
Phil, I can tell
When something's
bothering you?
Nothing's bothering me
"Happy Anniversary,
Butch and Queenie"
Which I know are the names
of your Irish setters?
Okay, Murphy.
No sense in trying to fool
a good reporter.
I'm cutting back
on a few things around here
Because money's a little tight
Gee, Phil,
I had no idea.
Is there anything I can do?
Yeah, sure.
You can pull George Bush's head
out of the sand
And if he still can't see
the recession
You can kick his butt
all the way back to Texas.
It's hitting me pretty hard.
Cutting corners
is about the only way
I can keep my head above water
Have you thought about a loan
to get over the rough period?
Oh sure
The bank hears the word
"restaurant," and it's all over.
I might as well ask them
to lend me money
To buy Chrysler stock.
I've been saving money
in an account for a rainy day.
It can be your rain
just as well as mine
Murphy, that's awful nice,
but I couldn't do that
Phil's has pulled through
tough times before--
Prohibition
The great depression
When John Sununu
went on a diet
Thanks for the offer,
but it'll work out all right.
Are you sure?
I'm sure.
And Murphy, I want to keep this
just between you and me, okay?
You have my word.
And, Phil, remember,
I'm here if you need me.
Murphy?
Yeah, Phil?
Would you mind paying
your check?
Oh, right.
(Knocking)
Murph, I am sitting
on two great stories
for the pitch meeting.
But I don't know which
one to hit Miles with first...
If someone confided in you
And you gave your word
not to tell anyone
But it was the kind of thing
that by other people knowing
Maybe something
could be done about it.
What would you do?
Oh, God, Corky's
getting divorced, isn't she?
This has nothing
to do with Corky.
Jim's sick.
I thought he looked thin.
Will you stop jumping
to conclusions and answer my question?
Miles is being fired?
Frank!
Is it me, Murph?
Geez, Frank.
Are you sure three days
a week of therapy
Are enough for you?
If I tell you this
You've got to give me your word
not to tell a soul.
I mean it, Frank. This is important.
I gave my word.
And I give you mine, I promise.
I swear on my mother's eyes.
I'm not sure what that means
I saw it in an old
Tony Curtis movie.
Okay, it's Phil.
He's dying.
Oh geez, Frank
Shut up and listen
He's having
financial problems
If things
don't turn around
He may not be able
to keep the place open?
Phil's is like my second home.
If it had a washer/dryer,
it would be my first home.
(knocking)
Story meeting time.
What's wrong, Frank?
TV guide
call you Fred Fontana again?
Let's go
people?
Remember, Frank,
not a word.
I know, I know.
Frank, earlier you said
you had two hot stories?
I did, but uh..
What if we were
to do a story
On how the recession
Is affecting
small businesses?
Frank! You're not pitching
that old chestnut, are you?
Minutes
already did a piece on it.
Could you give the man
more than one sentence, Murphy?
I'm not just talking
about any small businesses
I'm thinking about the ones
that have existed
For years-
over years
Even or .
Don't go there, Frank.
And what about the people who
patronize these places daily?
To them,
these aren't just stores
Or bars. They're
home and family.
You hold onto a secret
for about two minutes
And then tell the world
Phil's is going under.
I should have known better
than to trust you.
Are you crazy? I wasn't
going to mention Phil's name.
Well, you might as well have.
Everybody knew who
you were talking about.
God! So much for
your mother's eyes, Frank!
I can see her
right now in Florida
Stumbling
into a bingo table.
Murphy, Frank...
enough!
Now, is this true?
Is Phil actually
Going out of business?
He may be forced to, if things
don't turn around.
I offered him money,
but he wouldn't take it.
You know
how proud he is.
I'm surprised
he'd even tell you this.
He told me
in complete confidence.
That's why no one can repeat
what Frank told you.
What I told them?!
Do I have your word
on this?
Yes.
Of course.
This is so hard
to believe.
Phil's is an institution.
Think of all the information
That been passed
from barstool to barstool
in that old watering hole.
Why don't we take up a hush hush
collection all over town
And we give it to Phil
anonymously?
We could leave it in
the men's room
A men's room frequented
by senators, congressmen
Supreme Court Justices?
It would be gone
in a flash.
I know, I know.
What if we gave Phil a benefit?
You know like Farm Aid?
We can call it "Phil Aid."
I told Phil I wouldn't tell anyone.
Don't you think he's going to
suspect something
If Sting and Naomi Judd
walk into the bar?
I don't mean to be
the voice of doom
But how can we
help Phil
If he won't take money
and we're not supposed to know?
I don't think we have any choice
But to wait this out
and see what happens.
Who knows, maybe the economy
will turn around soon
And everything will be okay.
Oh God, I'm a republican.
I've got a : deadline.
This should cover it.
Hey, Bill.
You gave me a $ tip.
The service was excellent!
That's what all the big tippers
have been saying today.
Whoa.
Would you look at this place.
I have seen a crowd like this
since Jan Murray
came to our temple.
I can't believe it.
It's a miracle.
It's not a miracle.
It's a disaster.
I made a few calls
to some of Phil's friends.
But they weren't all supposed
to show up on the same day.
I told the A through L's to come today
and the M through Z's
to come on Wednesday.
Look, there's Helen Thomas.
What's the matter, Helen?
You can't spell?
Nice going, Murphy.
Phil's going to hate this.
And it's only a matter of time
till he traces it back to you.
I don't see what the problem is.
This is wonderful.
As a matter of fact,
I think you should
march right over to Phil
and take credit for
this very sweet thing you've done.
Murphy Brown?
I want to talk to you.
Lie like a rug.
Hi, Phil.
Hey, nice shirt.
You leaked it, didn't you, Murphy?
Leaked it?
Had to be you.
You're the only one I told.
How could you do this to me, Murphy?
You gave me your word.
Now, Phil,
let's keep in mind
That Murphy had nothing
but good intentions.
And you know what they say
The road to hell is
paved with good intentions.
Although, there's probably
a better adage than that.
Let's go over there, Corky
and think of one.
You gave me your word.
Okay, Phil.
I made a mistake.
I owe you
an apology.
I can forgive
a lot of things, Murphy.
But this is too much.
I trusted you.
I think you should leave.
Phil..?!
I mean it.
I don't want to see you
in here anymore.
Excuse me. May I
have your attention, please?
Quiet down.
Seems there's
a rumor floating around
that I'm having trouble
making ends meet.
Well, that rumor started
as some kind of a joke
and I want to put
an end to it right now.
It's going to take
a lot more than a recession
to knock old Phil out of the box.
(cheering)
And to prove it, for all my friends.
And you know who you are.
Drinks are on the house!
(cheering)
Did you see the pathetic way
Murphy was staring at us
as we left the office
Here's your cup of tea, Corky.
Look.
It's her.
I can't stay.
Frank, this call
came for you at the office.
I thought it might be important.
Pretend this is important.
Oh!
Yes.
This is a very important call.
Very urgent.
Thank you, Murphy.
Oh, ho, ho.
If it's so urgent, Frank,
Why aren't you returning it?
Nice improv, Frank.
Robin Williams has
nothing to worry about.
Oh, hi, Phil.
What's new?
I've got nothing to
say to you, Murphy.
You don't have
to say anything, Phil.
Just listen.
It was a pushy thing
that I did.
The sort of pushy thing
a certain bartender
might have done
a few years ago
when a friend of his needed help.
Telling her she was a drunk
And refusing to serve her,
in front of the entire bar.
I was humiliated, too.
Not that I remember being humiliated.
I was pretty out of it at the time.
But I'm told that I was.
And that I was wearing
a tray of olives on my head.
Cocktail onions.
Oh.
Phil, the first few days
at Betty Ford,
I was so mad at you
It was all I could think about.
By day ,
I began to understand
why you did it.
By day ,
I was grateful.
Phil, it's day .
Isn't there some way
we can put this behind us
and start over again?
Hey, there, stranger.
Welcome to Phil's.
What can I get you?
Thank you, Phil.
Thanks.
You know, there is a way
I could help put
this mess behind us.
Reconsider my offer.
Accept my personal loan.
I don't like taking money
from people.
It gets too complicated.
What's complicated about
one friend helping another?
It'd be a loan on a handshake.
No pressure.
Look, Phil.
I don't want to push you
into something you don't want to do.
But imagine your life
Without this place.
Sitting around the house
Day after day
Just you and Phyllis
Phyllis and you
Day after day
Let me get this straight--
I could have the money today?
I was hoping business
would have picked up a little by today.
Murphy.
Hey, Phil.
Did you read the article
I gave you?
Which one--
"Salad Bars Put Green In Your Pocket"
Or "The Early Bird Special
Catches The Worm"?
Either. Both.
To tell you the truth, Murphy,
I've been a little busy.
I'm sure I'll get to it tonight.
Well, when you do,
save a little time for going over these.
They're sketches for
putting in a take-out window.
I had Steve in the Art Department
whip them up for me.
What a job he did.
Look. He even
drew me in there
Waving from inside
Wearing a paper hat.
I don't need
an answer right now.
Think it over.
In the meantime,
Jim will have the surf and turf.
I will have
A small fruit plate.
What?
Are you sure you want
the surf and turf, Jim?
You haven't
ordered that
In the years I've
known you.
What can I tell you?
I'll just be buried
in a cheaper casket.
I'll be right back
with your bib.
I feel like
I'm driving a bus.
Just hold
that thought, Jim.
Excuse me.
I couldn't help
but notice
You put three packets
of artificial sweetener
In your coffee.
I was wondering--
would it be possible for you
to put in one packet
Stir and taste, and then,
if you deem it necessary, put in another?
These go for
nine cents apiece.
Fine, get
a rat's disease.
Eldin, you made it.
Phil, you
remember Eldin.
Hey there.
How you doing?
Eldin and I were talking
last night.
We thought it might be
a good idea
To have an artist
doing caricatures.
It might spark business
and maybe attract customers.
You mean he'd go
from table to table
Drawing funny pictures
of my customers
while they're trying to eat?
I was hesitant at first--
Since my creative impulses
rarely run towards folk art--
But then I thought
"What better way
to pay homage
To the tragic plight of
independent businessmen?"
It sure beats some chick
going around
with a basket of roses
making guys feel cheap
If they don't buy one
at $ a pop.
Oh! That irritates me.
Eldin, that couple
looks like they have
Some disposable income.
Why don't you start
with them?
I don't know, Murphy.
I got a real pet peeve
about stuff like this.
People don't like
to be distracted
while they're eating.
Phil, you're the restaurant man.
It's your call.
Whatever you decide,
I'm fine with it.
Either way.
I'd really rather not.
Okay, fine
Let's give it an hour.
If, after that, you feel
it's not working
Eldin will pack up
his pastels and go home.
What do you
say to that?
The way you're
helping me out
How can I say no?
I must admit
I've always been confused
by the popularity
Of an art form such as this.
What you do is find
the most obvious feature on a person
And exaggerate it.
In your case,
that would be your nose.
Okay, then you always give them
a real little body
And ask them
if they have any hobbies.
Well, Alan, do you?
Backgammon.
Eh... not visual enough.
How about... fishing?
Okay.
I'm going to draw in a pole,
and have you hook your own nose.
That would be very humorous.
Eldin,
how's it going?
You tell me.
So, you're a fisherman.
Why is he catching
a zeppelin?
I don't have to take this.
Let's get out of here, Pam.
Is there a problem here folks?
He's drawing
unflattering pictures.
These are caricatures.
Where's your sense
of humor?
Surely, you couldn't go through life
with a forehead like that
And not have one.
Whoa!
Look at the ears on that guy.
Who needs them, Phil?
Look at this--
two lousy fruit plates.
Murphy, honey...
Yeah, Phil?
Would you mind if I made
a little suggestion?
Of course not. Name it.
Get out.
What?
You're driving away
my customers!
I don't work with a partner.
I never have.
And if I ever do
It won't be one who
wants to wrap leftovers
In little foil swans.
It doesn't have to be a swan.
It's just that they take
less foil
Than, say, a giraffe.
I'm buying you out--
As much as I can afford.
I'll give you the rest
when I can swing it.
Okay, I went a little too far
But I can control myself.
Keep the money, Phil.
I won't open
my mouth again.
No.
Forget about the articles
and the salad bar.
No!
Forget about
the take-out window.
Although, feel free to
Keep the drawings, if you want to...
Oh, God, you're right.
I'm about as good
for the restaurant business
As a botulism scare.
Thanks, Murphy.
We gave it a sh*t
But I guess there's only
one thing left to do.
I was hoping it
wouldn't come to this.
Phil, you can't sell the place.
No, not that.
I'm going to...
Have to raise prices.
That's it?
That's all you have to do?
Why didn't you do that
in the first place?
It's not that easy.
Phil's
has always prided itself
On giving its customers
a fair meal at a fair price.
I don't know if they'll be willing
to pay a little extra.
This may be
the end of the line.
Here you go, Phil.
Uh, I believe you ordered
from one of the old menus.
There's been
a slight increase in prices.
The Philburger
is no longer . .
It's... $ . .
I hope that's not
a problem.
Are you kidding?
It's still
the best deal in town.
I'm sorry.
Did I say $ . ?
I meant... $ . .
Yeah, okay.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I don't know
what's the matter with me.
Did I say $ . ?
Yes, you did.
That's the price.
Here it is.
$ . for a Philburger!
Phil, I have to get back
to the office.
How much do I owe you for
the surf and turf?
Aw, Jim, I believe you ordered
from one of the old menus.
You might want
to stick around, Murphy.
I may be able to pay you
the rest of that loan
In a minute.