02x07 - Necro

[bunniefuu]

(SCREAMING)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

("# CRUSH" BY GARBAGE PLAYING)

♪ Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

- ♪ I would die for you ♪
- ♪ Ah-ah ♪

- ♪ I would die for you ♪
- ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

- ♪ I've been dying just to ♪
- ♪ Ah-ah, ah ♪

- ♪ Feel you by my side ♪
- ♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ To know that you're mine ♪

♪ Ah-ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ I would die for you. ♪

(SOLEMN ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING)

- Sam?
- Hmm?

A quick word?

Three hours all in?

I did it in two.

She was in bad shape when she came in.

Good work.

Oh, are we having a moment?

When you first started here, I
didn't think you'd last a week.

Yeah, and now, what
would you do without me?

- Yeah.
- I mean, you don't pay me nearly enough,

but, um, you're lucky I do
it for the love of the game.

(SAM LAUGHS SOFTLY)

I can see that... in the work.

You actually care.

I think that deserves a raise.

Um, uh, thank you.

Yeah. I-I do care.

I-I believe what we do
here is very special.

Keep your head in the game, Sam.

You've got a bright future here.

- Thank you.
- (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

♪ ♪

Jesse?

Jesse?!

Hey, you.

- Hi.
- Missed you last night.

I'm sorry. I wish you could've seen it.

The family thanked me.
God, it was so emotional.

Even Henderson had to admit that
I did a great job, and then...

- ... he offered me a raise.
- Hmm.

- Mm.
- Hmm?

It sounds like you had a good day.

Mm-hmm.

You'll have to tell me
all about it tonight.

- I got to go. I'm late for court.
- No.

Come on, Counselor.

You can be a couple minutes late.

JESSE: Mmm.

Mm, sometimes it's fun to go off script.

Maybe the universe will surprise you.

I've got people depending on me.

Victims to avenge,
criminals to put away.

Okay, well, go save
the world or whatever.

Why don't you... go take a nice hot bath

with some of that fancy
lavender oil I got you?

Showered twice before
I left work, but...

Maybe it's just my, uh,
extra sensitive sinuses,

but that formaldehyde
smell is really something.

- Bye.
- (DOOR OPENS)

See you later, babe.

(DOOR CLOSES)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Look, you probably smelled
like bacon and death.

- Nobody wants to f*ck that.
- (SIGHS) No, I...

- It all just felt kind of weird.
- (LAUGHS)

Yeah, it's weird. (LAUGHS)
If a guy turns down sex,

- something is seriously wrong.
- SAM: Oh, I don't know.

Even when we do have
sex, it's just like...

something's... missing.

It's just something off.

It's... it's like we're
on separate tracks,

heading in different directions.

And, like, he won't
exactly say it, but I know

he doesn't like me working
at the funeral home.

And sometimes I just wonder
if he even gets me at all.

Girl, you talk to
dead people, literally.

- Relationships are about compromise.
- (LAUGHTER)

Nothing's perfect.

Like, what have you
done for Jesse lately?

I, uh... (LAUGHS)

I do the dishes. Sometimes.

Mm.

Laundry. When I remember.

I drove ten minutes out of the way

the other day to get
his favorite ice cream.

- DANI: Wow.
- Cool.

If Jesse asked you, point blank,

"Either the job's got to go, or I do,"

which would you pick?

Uh-oh.

You hesitated. Poor Jesse.

No, no. It's just, it's...

It's complicated.

What am I missing?

I really love my job.

And I'm good at it.

And, uh, the deceased teach you

something new every day.

DANI: How?

They're dead.

(LAUGHS)

See, that's the secret.

People are the most
interesting right after death.

(WOMAN MOANS)

One time, this woman started moaning.

Was she still alive?

Totally dead.

Gases... they can build
up during decomposition,

and when they try to
escape, sometimes it hits

vocal cords on the way out of the mouth.

Sometimes the blood
rushes all the way down.

A decedent will come in with a boner.

- JULES: Ew! Sam.
- (LAUGHING)

SAM: The human body is insane.

And we only understand a
small blip of what's actually

happening inside, so there's always

something new to discover.

But, okay, beyond that,

I... I help people.

I get to bring their
loved ones back to them,

just for a little while.

What I do is... it's important.

You just got more excited
talking about dead people

than you've ever been
talking about Jesse.

Maybe he's not the problem.

SAM: Yikes. What happened to you?

Reginald Glover, years old.

Cause of death: g*nsh*t
wound to the head.

No kidding.

Hi, Mr. Glover. I'm Sam.

I'll be taking care of you today.

Looks like your family wants
you to have an open casket,

so, I'm gonna need you to work with me

so we can make you look
presentable for your big day.

I see you had six kids. Nice.

Looks like they got
you the mahogany casket.

That's our most expensive one.

You must've been a good dad.

And now...

(DOOR SLAMS OPEN)

Uh, whoa. Hi. Um, sorry.

What-what are you doing here?
This is a restricted area.

Can you get out?

I'm Charlie, the new grave
digger and death removal tech.

Didn't mean to freak you out.

Just tell me where to leave her.

Um, just over there.

I'll-I'll get to her when I wrap up.

(CHARLIE WHISPERS)

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Hey, what did you say
down there to the decedent?

I just thanked her.

Thanked her for what?

It's kind of private.

Well, I'm-I'm sorry I blew up on you.

It's just, you weren't
supposed to be down there.

I hear you. Won't happen again.

I'm Sam.

Nice to meet you, Sam.

So, um, what's up with
the... the suit, the hat,

- pimped-out ride?
- (LAUGHS)

Most, um, body removal techs don't

roll up with all that
pomp and circumstance.

I think all of us deserve
to be sent off in style.

I mean, who wants to ride into
the afterlife in a Kia Sorento?

Fair enough.

I thanked the decedent for allowing me

to escort her to you.

Seriously?

It's an honor to be a part
of someone's death journey.

You know, in ancient Egypt,
only specialized priests,

those handpicked by the gods,
were trusted to handle the dead.

They'd spend up to days on one body,

getting it ready for the afterlife.

I did know that.

("TESSELLATIONS" BY
JAGUAR JONES PLAYING)

(WATER RUNNING)

♪ Throw your knives, cut me ♪

♪ Are we doing right? ♪

♪ I need you to tell me the softer ♪

♪ The heavier parts
of your mind... ♪

Wow.

You look incredible.

What's all this?

Just wanted to look nice for my guy.

JESSE: Mm.

Thought maybe we could go...

out to dinner?

Mm-hmm.

I think I'd rather stay in.

Hmm? (LAUGHS)

(JESSE MOANING)

So, you believe in the afterlife?

No. I think the Hindus have it right.

Reincarnation, samsara.

You come back as any living thing,

what would you come back as?

I wouldn't want to come back.

Um, I'm Team One Life, one and done.

- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.

So you'd go out like the Tibetans?

Chop up your body, scatter the pieces

on the mountain for the vultures.

You'd just return to the
earth and all that jazz?

A sky burial seems
unnecessarily gruesome.

But, uh, I could get down
with how the Amazons do it.

Cremation,

then stirring your ashes
into soup for the whole tribe.

Plus, you'd be giving
back to the community.

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)

CHARLIE: , years ago in
China, a woman buried herself

alive with her dead husband so
they could achieve immortality.

That's a bit dramatic.

That's true love.

SAM: Lord Nelson's body

was shipped home in a cask of brandy.

The sailors even stole
sips along the voyage.

Would you steal a sip?

(LAUGHING): Um...

Sure. Why not?

Can't learn anything if
you don't try everything.

I'm pretty adventurous, but, um,

think I'd draw the line
at Dead Nelson juice.

What's the most adventurous
thing you've ever eaten?

Hmm.

It's been a minute. Um...

My boyfriend doesn't really
like to try new things,

uh, so we pretty much
just stick to the basics.

Well, just 'cause he doesn't
like something doesn't mean

you can't experience it.

Jesse thinks carne asada is exotic.

(LAUGHING): Oh, my God.

- I'm gonna have to save you from, your, uh...
- Hmm.

your sad existence.

- Oh, my...
- Jalapeño chips to the rescue!

Free yourself!

- Expand your horizons! (LAUGHS)
- Stop!

This guy had a lot of
people who loved him.

Would your family do a whole
dog and pony show for you?

Uh... no.

They on board with your
whole obsession with death?

I hope so.

They're all dead.

- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.

I like talking about them.

My dad... he was, um...

he was such a stud.

He'd taken us to Zion

'cause he liked these big, stupid rocks.

My mom hated the outdoors.
She couldn't stand the heat,

the bugs, but she loved my dad.

Sadie was a total Daddy's girl.

She'd follow him anywhere.

DAD: Charlie?

Dad was telling this dumb joke.

I got a joke for you. You ready, bud?

CHARLIE: His jokes were so corny.

This one got me. Something about a...

a monkey and a hyena.

DAD: Chimpanzee.

- (LAUGHING LIKE MONKEY)
- (HORN HONKING)

(GLASS BREAKING)

In a way, it was a blessing.

I don't... I don't understand.

Having such a close brush with death

brought everything into clear focus.

I saw how precious life is.

And how we as the
living owe it to the dead

to take care of them.

And to live boldly.

I know exactly how you feel.

Did some drunk driver
take out your entire family

as well in a blaze of glory?

Trauma is, uh...

It's complicated.

It, um...

It fucks with your... brain.

Hey, I-I thought we were
talking about my dead family.

I don't talk about mine, ever.

Not with Jesse, not with, uh...

well, anyone.

But right now, I, um...

I want to.

(PHONE RINGS)

Hmm.

- Hey.
- JESSE: Hey, where are you?

I've been stalling, my
parents are getting hungry.

sh*t. No. Uh, um, I'm sorry.

No. I totally spaced. We...

We're prepping for a service.

Um... I'm leaving now, okay?

I'll be... I'll be home in ten.

All right, see you soon.

Hey, I... I got to go.

Um, Jesse's parents just
flew in from Cincinnati.

- I just totally spaced.
- Don't worry about it.

I can finish up here.

Thank you.

Oh, wait.

You wanted to, uh,

tell me something.

I'll, um...

I'll tell you later.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Hi. Sorry I'm late.

How was the flight?

(SWITCH CLICKING)

(GLASS BREAKING)

(SOFT CRUNCHING)

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

- (BANGING)
- (WOMAN SHRIEKS)

(WOMAN WHIMPERING)

(MAN GRUNTS)

No! No! No!

(WOMAN WHIMPERING)

GIRL: Mama?

It's okay, Mama.

- (CRYING)
- It's-it's okay.

- It's okay. It's okay.
- (CRYING)

- It's okay. What is it?
- (CRYING)

What is it?

(CRYING)

Uh, you always got a
box of these stashed,

so I thought it'd be romantic.

- Hey.
- (CRYING)

Give us a minute.

Hey, come here.

What is it? Talk to me.

It's, um... it's... it's my-my mom.

- Yeah?
- She was m*rder*d.

A man broke in and bashed her head

and there was blood all
over the kitchen, and...

- these were her favorite.
- It's all right. It's all right.

I always kept a box.

It made me feel close to her.

(SIGHS, WHIMPERS)

You see,

I'm-I'm completely messed up.

You don't-you don't want to marry me.

- Of course I want to marry you.
- Oh, well, you're so sweet,

and you d-you deserve a
nice, a nice, normal girl.

- I'm not that person.
- No, no, no, no, no.

- Don't do this.
- I... I can't... I can't be

- what you want me to be.
- Don't do this. Honey.

- Sam. Please.
- No. I'm sorry. (CRIES)

(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

(SIGHS)

Hi, John.

I'm Sam.

I will be taking care of you today.

(SIGHS)

OD. .

So young.

I hope you made the most of your time.

No...

g*dd*mn it. You're so stupid.

(CRIES)

You were the only one.

(SNIFFLES)

The only one who
understood what it was like

to walk around with this...

... this pit of darkness inside.

You saw it in me.

And it didn't scare you.

I scare everyone.

Even myself.

You made me feel like
I wasn't alone anymore.

God, I just...

I've been alone for so long.

(SNIFFLES)

(EXHALES)

(SNIFFLING)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(SCREAMS, GASPS)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

(DOOR CLOSES)

- (BANGING ON DOOR)
- Charlie!

Charlie!

(MUTTERING)

Sam?

(EXHALES)

You're alive.

f*ck you.

I'm sorry.

Look, I screwed up.

- I screwed up.
- Don't f*cking touch me, okay?

- What the f*ck was that, some sort of sick prank?
- No.

It was never supposed to go that far.

I know what a dead body looks like.

You weren't f*cking breathing.

You can find a pill online
for anything these days.

Your chest was cut open.

I saw your f*cking autopsy scar.

- I have a buddy who's good with prosthetics.
- Just shut up! Just shut the...

Just shut the f*ck up, okay?

I was trying to help you.

(CHUCKLING SOFTLY)

You're f*cking deranged.

I'm f*cking deranged?
I'm f*cking deranged?

Listen.

You can call me whatever you want.

But it won't change the
fact that you f*cked me.

And you liked that I was dead.

Get the f*ck off me.

Okay, you're scared.

I'm scared, too.

Don't you see?

Sam, Sam, there's no normal,

there's no normal for me or you.

This is who we are.

No, that's not me, okay? You're wrong.

You're f*cking, you're f*cking wrong.

Our new volumizing waterproof
mascara is a miracle.

It goes on light, you can cry,

dance in the rain, go wild

with your water aerobics and
you'll stay fresh as a daisy.

No smudge, no raccoon eyes.

Do I look like I do water aerobics?

We can try a more subtle lip.

Um, this Faberge Femme
is a fan favorite.

- You guys really didn't have to do this.
- Of course we did!

Our little Sammy's getting married.

- Go, Jesse, go!
- Finally.

- (WHOOPS)
- Yeah!

All right, who's ready for sh*ts?

(WHOOPING)

- To Jess.
- Thank you, thank you,

thank you, thank you, thank you...

- To Sammy.
- Sammy!

Getting hitched!

We're meeting the wedding planner now.

I promise I'll mention it, okay?

Call you later.

(CAR HORN BLARES)

- Hey.
- Hey.

- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm just...

just daydreaming about our wedding.

- Oh. All right.
- You know?

You look so good.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

(PANTING)

(GRUNTS) f*ck.

(SIGHS)

I love you, babe.

I can't wait to make you my wife.

Me, too.

(BELL TOLLING)

DANI: You look beautiful.

I have never seen a sadder bride.

What's going on with you?

I'm... (CLEARS THROAT) I'm fine.

It's just... jitters.

You've been acting weird
ever since you quit your job.

It's like the lizard
people invaded your body,

and now you're this
girl who likes pastels

and afternoon tea.

Where's my friend with the rocking hair

who liked to talk to dead people?

- Okay, that's not funny.
- I'm not joking.

Are you sure you want to do this?

Jesse's a great guy, but...

does he make you happy?

Of course he makes me happy. I...

Look, this is, this is
what I want. I want...

a white picket fence, . kids.

I just want a boring, regular life.

You never gave a sh*t about
a boring, regular life.

OFFICIANT: We are gathered
here today to join this man

and this woman in holy matrimony.

Jesse and Samantha

have prepared their own vows

to express their love.

Samantha?

Thank you.

Jesse. (CHUCKLES)

Growing up, I...

didn't really have a family.

And that was okay. I...

learned to get through life without one.

But then I met you.

You are...

(SNIFFLES) ... all I need.

Sam...

the first time I saw you...

in that Garbage T-shirt,

- throwing back a Stella...
- (LAUGHTER)

I thought, I'm gonna marry that girl.

You are the only one for me.

And years from now,

when we're surrounded by our kids

and our grandkids,

we'll tell them about this day.

And show them our story.

This wasn't part of the program.

(WHISPERS): Sometimes it
can be fun to go off script.

(LAUGHTER)

WOMAN: They're so cute.

Is that Sam?

POPPY: Is that a dead body?

- What is that?
- Jesse, you, uh, you...

- Please tell me that's not you.
- Jesse, you...

you don't, you don't understand...

He's never gonna understand you, Sam.

Look at what he's done.

- k*lled everything special about you.
- Who the f*ck is he?

SAM: He, we-we used to work together...

That's the guy in the video.

So it's not a dead body?

No, no, he's not dead, obviously.

Look, this is, it's a sick joke.

- This is all...
- Yeah, but you thought I was dead.

And I think that gave you permission.

The green light to
be who you really are,

to want what you really want,

- to be with me.
- He's... he's delusional.

There's a tape, Sam!

That's you climbing on top of a corpse.

Dead or not, that's
you f*cking another guy.

- Who are you?
- (STAMMERS) Look,

I-I was tricked. This
whole thing, it's a cr...

- it's a crazy misunderstanding.
- f*ck you, Sam.

- Jesse!
- (MUTTERS)

Jesse, I'm sorry!

Jesse, stop. Jesse!

- Sam, Sam, Sam! Stop, stop!
- Let f*cking go of me! What?

- You f*cking filmed us?
- That is what it looks like to really be alive.

♪ ♪

This was the only way I could save you.

Because I love you.

And I know you feel the same.

No, I don't. I f*cking hate you.

Leave me the hell alone.

Well, I can see you have a lot

of experience in waste disposal.

Yes, uh, I've handled every type

of mess you can imagine.

Um, for vomit, sodium hypochlorite

and kitty litter works best.

For blood stains on
the carpet, the trick is

sprinkle a little
potato starch actually.

Most people don't even know
how to disinfect a toilet.

Oh, that's easy, vinegar.

Clearly, you can do the work.

You know your way around a dirty mess.

- Sorry, excuse me one minute.
- Yeah.

I, uh, apologize.

It seems like we just
filled the position.

Oh, um, well, if anything opens up,

I'm happy to take the job nobody wants.

I'm a very hard worker and, um...

Miss...

we can't have a sex offender
going into our clients' homes.

No, I'm... I'm not, um...

Look, I made one mistake.

Haven't you ever made
a mistake in your life?

I'm paying for it every
single day, please.

I-I could really use the cash.

Can you just give me a chance? Um...

♪ ♪

(PHONE CHIMES)

(DISTORTED CHATTER, LAUGHTER)

WOMAN: Zombie fucker!

♪ ♪

You ruined my life.

Sam...

(DROPS SHOVEL)

Put the g*n down.

I get you're angry with me.

Shut up.

My friends won't talk to me anymore.

No one will hire me
'cause everyone thinks

I'm a f*cking sex offender,
when you're the one who lied.

You tricked me.

You took...

everything.

And now you get to just
keep living your best life?

Hmm, it's just not right.

You need to pay for what you've done.

Sam, I'm sorry.

Please.

We can talk rationally.

This is not who you are.

- I just want some answers.
- (SCOFFS)

I just want to know why. What,
what did I do to deserve this?

Why do you hate me so f*cking much?

You idiot, I don't hate you!

You were trapped! I was
trying to set you free!

I didn't want any help!

- I never asked for it. I was fine.
- No, you weren't!

f*ck, Sam.

The day my family d*ed...

I was so close to death, I tasted it.

I had their blood on me.

And I...

felt so alive.

I was waking up for the first time.

Seeing the world how it really was.

No more pretending everything's fine

when the world's not f*cking fine.

I thought if I could give you that,

a close brush with death,

it would shock you awake.

It was only supposed
to be for a few minutes.

Just a jump start.

But then you were crying.

And you touched me.

And I...

I didn't want it to stop.

I didn't want to break the spell.

I have never felt that way before

with anyone.

You're psychotic.

(SCOFFS)

I don't need a man to tell me
what I think or what I really want.

That is so g*dd*mn patronizing.

And I know about your mother.

I swear to God, if
you say one f*cking...

Three days.

She was dead for three days

before they found you.

For three days, you drank
your dead mother's milk.

Shut the f*ck up.

You're disgusting.

You're disgusting.

And beautiful.

And f*cked up.

And amazing.

You are all those things,
all at the same time.

And that's why I love you.

I love you, Sam.

You don't have to hide anymore.

(SNIFFLES)

Let the real you out, and tell me,

what did it feel like, to
taste death for the first time?

(SNIFFLES)

It felt like love.

At first, I thought she had just...

bumped her head.

And she was sleeping.

I brushed her hair.

I...

I fed her cereal.

Just Mama and me.

It was the last time I ever felt safe.

(LAUGHS) No wonder I'm
so screwed up, f*ck.

And I...

I thought I would never
feel like that again.

Until that night.

Until I was with you.

How f*cked up is that?

I get it.

I get you.

I will never judge you.

You should've just let
me keep sleepwalking.

I had forgotten I was broken.

But now I see.

I think what I really want is to be dead

and alive at the same time.

And I can never have that.

There's no way to put
the pieces back together.

There's no hope for me.

Sam.

(SNIFFLES)

There's hope for us.

I would do anything...

to be with you.

I would die a million times

to be with you for a minute.

For a thousand years.

Forever.

You really mean that, don't you?

Your weird and my weird,

we belong together.

We can be happy.

We can be happy?

Let me make you happy.

Yeah.

I think you're the only one that could.

(g*nsh*t)

For a minute.

For a thousand years.

Forever.

Forever.

♪ ♪