(Elevator bell rings)
Hey, guys.
Franco! Here he is.
Five days undercover
And back right on schedule
with a k*ller story
About fraud
in the trucking industry.
Didn't even stop home
to change.
Is that integrity
or what?
Didn't stop home
to shower either.
What is that,
eau de veal chop?
You spend five days
In a tractor trailer
full of uninspected meats.
I celebrated easter sunday
crouched behind some bad pork
Playing "this little piggy
went to market
A week and a half too late."
Here's your footage.
I'm going home to bed.
Absolutely. You go home,
get some rest.
Then I need you
at the white house
By :
this afternoon.
Miles! I had to use a rump roast
for a pillow last night.
I'm exhausted.
Why do I have
to go today?
Because...
Jim still has to do
two interviews
And miles doesn't think
I'm ready to interview
the president.
I never said that.
That's what
you meant.
Or did I misunderstand
When you said,
"I'd love to send you
But isn't this the night
you normally do laundry?"
It's just that I know
How important
your laundry is to you.
I still remember
how excited you got
The day tide
went lemon-fresh.
Frank, be at the white house
by : .
Wait a minute.
There is a clinton interview
at the white house
And murphy
isn't doing it?
What happened?
I'll tell!
Nothing happened.
Just a simple
misunderstanding.
It's really laughable.
I can't believe it.
You got banned again?
How could that happen?
It's a new administration.
I thought you had
a clean slate.
She had a clean slate.
Had,as in, "I had
a stomach lining."
I'll tell.
I still have
a clean slate.
It's a little stained
perhaps
Like water spots
on a glass--
Barely noticeable,
not a big deal.
I'm starting
to tell.
Go home
to shower.
I think I see gristle
on your neck.
I spent the last five days
in truck stops.
I'm starved
for any conversation
That doesn't end with
"so then, I sh*t him."
Let's hear this, corky.
Okay.
It started a couple of days
before easter.
Happy easter, marv.
Happy easter, bobby.
Here you go, murphy.
Happy easter.
Murphy!
Release.
I'm glad to see
You're in the holiday mood
But a word
to the wise--
Too many sweets can change
that lovely complexion
From peaches and cream
To peaches
and creamed corn.
I'll give you bucks
for the entire basket.
Murphy, why are
you acting so..?
Oh, no.
Ever since avery
was born
I've been trying to figure out
your new cycle.
Jim, I think murphy's
expecting a visit
From her special friend.
Is it that nice
young man who..?
Oh, dear lord.
What's the matter
with you, corky?
You don't play catch
with a hydrogen b*mb.
You two are so wrong.
What you're seeing has nothing
to do with water weight
Hormones,
or cycles of the moon.
It's plain, old frustration.
Of course, murphy.
We believe you.
It's been three months
since clinton's inauguration.
Have I been able to get
an exclusive interview with him?
No, I have not.
I don't understand.
He's been very good
about giving interviews.
Corky's right,
slugger.
I was flipping
around the television dial
And he was
on the sports channel
Standing in the middle
of a river
Wearing rubber pants
Explaining his tax policy
to fly-fishermen.
That's exactly
my point.
He'll talk to anyone.
I can't get anything exclusive.
I had an easier time
with president bush.
You and president bush
Had that very special
relationship.
Didn't it start
When you ran him over
with a bicycle?
No, first there was
The fist fight she started
at the press conference.
Right. Then came
the incident
In the steam room
of the yale club.
Bush and I
had a few misunderstandings
But it was supposed
to be better with clinton
And it's not.
I swear I'm ready
to strangle someone.
Morning, everybody.
I feel bad for him,
but I'm glad it's not us.
See you, guys.
How's my favorite
working mother?
Tell me why
the network's been no help
Getting me
a clinton interview.
It's that time again.
Why didn't anybody
warn me?
I've been calling everyone...
Murphy, say no more.
I just got off
the phone
With the president's
press secretary
Who has put aside
One whole hour.
This thursday at : --
You, one on one
with the president.
Yes! Thank you,
deedee myers.
I knew a woman press secretary
would come through for me.
It's women of the press
banding together
Supporting each other.
I can't wait to rub
barbara walters' nose in it.
I don't know
if I'd do that.
Petty gloating is really
beneath you, isn't it?
Okay, maybe it's not
But since you mentioned
barbara
I think I should
tell you... Uh...
She's interviewing him
two days before you are.
I'm interviewing him
after barbara walters?
Uh, no...
Actually, diane sawyer's
after barbara.
You're after diane.
I'm third?
Well, third in this
arrangement
But in our hearts...
Thank you, deedee,
for nothing.
All because
I mistook her
For a volunteer
at the ball
And asked her
for a seltzer.
What's the big deal?
I tipped her.
It's not deliberate,
murphy.
Clinton wants
a big media push.
So, to be fair
They put the reporters' names
in a hat and pulled.
A hat? Oh, wonderful.
Just when favoritism
was working
We decide
to practice democracy.
What is happening?
I cannot be third.
Sawyer will get
all the facts out of him.
Walters will make him cry.
When I get to him
There will be nothing left
except running shorts
And an autographed picture
Of the cast
of evening shade.
I tried to change
the order.
I was on the phone
With george stephanopoulos
all morning
Bribing him
with extra air time.
"That's not
how we do things
At the clinton
white house."
Little pisher!
I was dealing
with the white house
When he was sitting
in his dorm
Drawing in chest hair
with a magic marker.
Murphy brown
cannot be third.
I will find some way to get
to clinton first and alone.
I am on the hunt.
As far as I'm concerned,
this is barbara walters
And this is diane sawyer.
Well, I feel bad for them
But at least it's not one of us.
Y.
Hiya, phil. I need a favor.
Sorry. Can't do it.
You don't know what I want.
You want me to get you
an interview with clinton
Before sawyer and walters.
How did you know?
Come on, murphy, I'm phil.
I hate when you
say that.
You're the only one
who can help me.
You've had an in
With every president
since eisenhower.
Truman.
He came in here for a drink
Right after my dad
turned the place over to me.
Tried to pick up his change
instead of leaving it for a tip.
I said, "hey, harry,
that buck stops here."
The rest is history.
Yeah, that's a great
story, phil.
Can you help me with clinton?
I just can't help you,
murphy.
I tried to make contact
with the man
But as a washington outsider
Clinton just doesn't seem
to understand the importance
Of the phil's tradition.
For crying out loud
Even reagan
autographed a picture for me
Saying my burgers were,
"a-b-c dee-licious."
Of course,
he misspelled his name
But it was the end of his term.
You took what you could get.
I don't believe this.
There's got to be a way.
I'm sorry, murphy.
Now, if you wanted al gore,
just say the word.
I can have him at your place
in under an hour.
Just make sure that
your recyclables are separated.
Al sees glass and plastic
all mixed together
He just flips out.
Egg.
Egg. Can you say "egg?"
Yeah.
Okay.
Avery...
Avery and I are about to embark
on a traditional easter ritual.
Although, you know,
I have to tell you
That the religious significance
of artificially-colored eggs
Being delivered by a large,
basket-wielding rabbit
Continues to elude me.
Eldin, shh...
Yes, I'm holding.
I've been holding
for five minutes.
I know the president's mother
is very busy
But I really
have to speak to her.
Well, I'm sure
she'd want to speak to me
If she knew I was calling from
the pretty lady beauty salon
And she'd won a complimentary
streak n' tip.
Listen, what's your name?
Lupe?
Lupe what?
Lupe smith?
Okay, chung,
drop the phoney spanish accent.
I know it's you, connie.
Me? I'm...
Cokie roberts.
I can't believe this.
I am shut out.
Well, that's
the best I can do.
I have to disagree
with you.
I think you did
your best work
When you tried
to convince hillary
That her husband
had won a time-share
In beautiful
coral gables, florida.
That was good, wasn't it?
I almost had her too.
Did you hear my description
Of the joy of buzzing through
the everglades on a fan boat?
That was extremely vivid.
I could almost taste
The gator meat.
It doesn't matter now.
All for naught.
This is an historic
occasion, avery.
Your mother
is going to be third.
Well, that doesn't matter,
does it?
No, because I'm first with you,
aren't i?
Now, let's show those eggs
who's boss.
Whoa! Whoa.
We're still
in the preparation phase here.
We are sanding the shells
To get them ready
to receive the dye.
We are mulling over patinas.
Done.
Philistine.
Ooh, avery,
isn't this fun?
You know,
your mommy never did this
When she was a little girl.
I think once we tried
But ended up in a typical
brown family disagreement.
(Chuckles)
Your grandma avery
Threw all the eggs
At your grandfather's
brand new buick...
...and your grandfather
retaliated
By running over your
grandmother's easter bonnet
With a lawn mower.
Ooh, look what mommy did.
Why do you have
to be so messy?
Here.
Art requires delicacy,
subtlety, clarity.
You're driving all over
The funny page.
If you've got to drip
Drip all over
the life section--
Something I don't care about.
"Hemlines"-- whoa..
Oh, "the easter egg hunt
On the white house..."
Oh, did I say white house?
I meant white...cliffs.
Yes, the white cliffs of dover.
Every year
Small, very small
english children
They scale the treacherous
limestone cliffs
Fighting off marine life,
birds, hawks
In search of their elusive
easter booty.
It's really...
Eldin, give me
the paper.
Easter booty.
"President clinton to host
annual white house egg hunt."
They're having
one there too?
Geez, eldin, did you think
I'd read this article
And see that "...anyone
With a child eight years old
or under could attend."
And then selfishly use
my own flesh and blood
To gain access to the president?
Bingo.
Well...
For a second I flashed on it
But I'm committed
to spending easter with avery
And that's
what we're going to do.
Uh-huh.
You don't think
I can do it?
Well, I will prove it.
We are going
to that egg hunt tomorrow
And even if the president
begs me for an exclusive
I'm going to say,
"I'm sorry, mr. President
"I'm spending the day
with someone
A little more important
than you."
I'm glad the chicken
that laid that egg
Isn't around to see it.
Oh, look.
Here's one.
Oh, no.
It's a mushroom.
Well, we're getting closer.
What is happening here?
We've been wandering around
for minutes
And we have yet to find
one single egg.
I know the democrats
are cutting back
But this is ridiculous.
We'll find one.
The important thing is
We do not lose
that holiday spirit.
Don't talk to me
about holiday spirit.
Talk to that woman over there.
I can't believe
how she fought me
Over one measly egg.
It was in her basket
at the time.
Spitting is never
an acceptable solution.
What kind of an example is that
to set for your kid?
Let's try to forget that.
Now I think the reason
we have not found one egg
Is because we are not
thinking like one.
So, if I were an egg
Where would I be?
Next to an order of hash browns
and some toast.
I bet in the bush
administration
This lawn was lousy with eggs,
huh, avery?
Whoa!
Hold the phone.
I believe
I struck pay dirt right...
No.
It's a golf ball.
"Property
of gerald r. Ford."
Never mind.
Claire, you won't believe
who I just saw--
The president.
He's actually
on the lawn?
Right over there.
He explained
his entire tax package
And told me how
to get the grass stains
Out of becky's jumper.
Come on, I'll
take you over.
Mikey, don't
hold yourself there.
We're going
to meet the president.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine. Why?
Uh, no reason.
I just couldn't help
but notice
Those specks of saliva
Around the corners
of your mouth.
Okay, so he's here.
It's his house.
Why shouldn't he be here?
Besides, that doesn't change
the reason for our coming--
To enjoy the day
as a family
And go home with at least
one egg in our hands.
Well, considering
your family's history
With cholesterol
Maybe avery
shouldn't have an egg.
I say we go home.
Eldin, my son came
to find easter eggs
And that's what
we're going to do
Even if I have
to lay it myself.
Why don't you take him
and look over there.
I'll go work this side.
Are you sure we shouldn't
just stay together?
Believe me,
I can handle this.
Besides, we'll cover
more ground this way.
Okay, sweetie?
I'll see you
in a second.
Hey, bugs,
you wouldn't know
Where they stashed
the easter eggs, would you?
First of all,
the name's not bugs
And second,
it's an easter egg hunt
Not an easter egg
ask-the-bunny-where-they-are.
You've got
quite an attitude
For someone who looks like
they should be out in the woods
Dropping boulders
on elmer fudd.
You think I like standing
in this stupid suit
While drooling brats
throw eggs at my butt?
During the bush
administration
I was a deputy
budget director.
So you got a promotion.
I just need one egg
so I can get out of here.
I'll make it
worth your while.
Wow, five bucks.
Wait till I get back
to the hutch
And tell the missus.
We can finally send flopsy
to college.
Real nice holiday spirit, pal.
Next time you're hopping
down that bunny trail
Watch out
for a white porsche.
Is there a problem, ma'am.
No. No problem.
Just tracking down
the old easter eggs.
Los eggos easteros.
Hi. I'm murphy brown.
Those are nice glasses--
ray bans?
Do you have
a child, ma'am?
Do I have a child.
You obviously
were never assigned
To vice president quayle.
That's my child
right now.
Hi, honey pie, hi.
Under eight years
of age, of course.
I'm a stickler
for rules.
Yow.
Well, if you'll
excuse us
We've got places to go
and eggs to find.
Just so you know
I'm a small cog
in the juggernaut
That is
that woman's life.
Eldin...
Pity me.
What is it with you?
We leave you out of our sight
for two seconds
And you get
the feds involved.
I swear to you, eldin
I just wanted to be
a mom with a kid today
Then the second I heard
the president was here
The reporter in me
took over.
I tried to fight it
And the next thing you know,
I'm running around
Offering bribes
to giant bunnies.
I'm a sick person.
You're right.
We should go home
before your head explodes
And you scare
all the children.
No, I have to fight this.
It's the only way
I'm going to b*at it.
I'm going to go
up to the president
I'm going to say hello to him
like a normal mother
And then I'm going
to walk away.
I have to do this.
Not just for myself,
but for avery.
There he is.
Okay. All right, honey.
Mommy's about
to make you proud of her.
Mr. President, hi.
It's murphy brown.
Don't run away.
I don't want an interview.
My son and I just wanted
to wish you a very happy...
Watch where you're going there.
Watch yourself.
Oh, boy.
Oh, geez.
What is wrong with you people?
I never touched the man.
He fell.
It has nothing to do with me.
Murphy,
what's going on?
Miles silverberg?
The sunglasses
The dark suits
The unhappy
facial expressions...
Secret service.
Murphy, tell me
you've been counterfeiting.
Miss brown was removed
from the white house grounds
For disorderly conduct,
disruptive behavior
And a possible as*ault
on the president.
She made him
eat dirt.
That is a total exaggeration
And I don't want
to point this out
But what was the man doing
at an egg hunt anyway?
Do we have a health care plan?
A balanced budget?
Is it just party, party,
party with this guy?
You disrupted
the easter egg hunt?
I said hello to him.
What better way to greet
the leader of the free world
Than to body check him
at a holiday party?
I should have known
this would happen at easter.
It's always been
a particularly hard time
For my people.
Listen, miles
This is just
a misunderstanding.
I'll clear it all up
on thursday
In my interview
with the president.
(Both laugh)
Did you hear that?
They laughed.
Secret service men
never laugh.
We've never
heard anything
Quite so funny
before.
Better find
someone else
To cover the white house
for a while.
A while?
What's that
supposed to mean?
My guess, four years,
possibly eight.
After that you can take it up
with president gore.
Well, to hear him talk,
anyway.
Well...
Congrat-u-lations.
You've done it again.
You've alienated
yet another administration.
Four more years
of presidential quotes
From ernie
the white house barber.
Miles, i...
No! You let me finish.
I always thought the problem
Was having a republican
in the white house.
But the republicans
aren't the problem.
The democrats
aren't the problem.
It wouldn't matter
if the bull moose party
Came back
to power.
It's you.
You.
You're the problem.
You.
All right, I admit
that might seem to be the case
And I'll admit
my prospects with clinton
Don't look too good
right now
But may I remind you
The president comes
from a town called hope.
Well, I still have hope, miles,
and I'm going to hold on to it.
You know, all in all,
this hasn't been too bad a day.
I got to play outside
with my son
Introduce him
to the president...
And I even got one of these.
An easter egg?
Yeah. I found it
When they were dragging me
through the azaleas.
Things are definitely
looking up.
Marv...
Get some plywood, a hammer,
and some nails.
If we hurry,
maybe we can seal her in there.