04x16 - Cowboy George

[bunniefuu]

(male narrator) In 1972,
a cr*ck commando unit...

was sent to prison
by a m*llitary court...

for a crime
they didn't commit.

These men promptly escaped...

from a maximum-security
stockade...

to the Los Angeles
underground.

Today, still wanted
by the government...

they survive
as soldiers of fortune.

If you have a problem,
if no one else can help...

and if you can find them...

maybe you can hire
the A-Team.

[g*n f*ring]

[birds chirping]

♪♪[country music playing
on radio]

[man chattering on radio]

Yeah, you see this whole thing is
just a simple matter of economics.

I took couple of night
courses last semester.

Boy, I wanna tell you what a
difference that has made.

See, Murdock...

Murdock.

Creative accounting is just like
any other applied art form, see?

Understanding debits
and credits.

Understanding where
you can gain the edge...

by calling something an expense
instead of a direct cost.

Now, this deal that I've set up
at The Floor 'Em is a classic.

I mean,
classic case in point.

Murdock,
am I boring you, hmm?

'Cause I can stop, you know.

I'm just trying to tell you how you're
gonna make a couple hundred grand.

That's all I'm trying to do.

Boy, I see what you mean, Face.
Yeah.

You weren't even listening.
You were sound asleep.

You just tried
to explain to me...

how you was gonna cheat
this guy at the roadhouse.

Not a roadhouse, Murdock.
It's an auditorium.

I am an artists'
booking agent, right?

Wrong. You're a scam agent
booking artists.

Same thing.

Now, look, my buddy at
Peach Pear Management...

has told me that if I can
guarantee him a full house...

he is gonna send me...
Ready?

Cowboy George...

for a weekend gig. Can you believe it?
Cowboy George.

Who is Cowboy George?

Am I hearing this right?
Don't you listen to the radio?

I don't need to. I already got lots
of pretty music inside my head.

Yeah.

The song Three Blind Mice sung by the
Lennon Sisters is going through my head.

I need a change.
It's beginning to bug me.

Well, you're going
to get your chance...

because tomorrow
Cowboy George...

and the Range Rats are going
to play at The Floor 'Em...

and they're going to make the
A-Team $300,000 in profits.

Oh, we gonna cut
a fat deal, huh, Face?

Right. Gonna guarantee the
house, take 100% of the profits.

No house split.
That's important, see...

'cause nightclub owner,
they can b*at you at the gate.

Boy, have I got
this game down.

I'm so glad
I took that night course.

[people chattering]

Excuse me, boys,
I'm...

How you doing?

I'm looking for
Chuck Danford.

We're closed.

Ah, listen,
I'm Templeton Peck...

of Peach Pear Artists'
Management.

Yeah, I believe I spoke with you
the other day about my client.

It's Cowboy George
and the Range Rats.

[exclaiming]
No kiddin'.

How do, how do?
How do?

Chuck Danford. Oh, Chuck,
Chuck, Chuck, Chuckie.

Remmey St. Starland here.

[chuckling]

That's a funny name.

Thank you.
Made it up myself.

Well, when's old Cowboy George
gonna bust on in here?

Tomorrow. Yeah,
we at Peach Pear Management...

I tell you, we're real glad
to get your call.

Yes, and I'm telling you...

Cowboy George is gonna
fill this place up.

He better.

Yeah, of course I'm
four-walling this deal...

on a minimum guarantee
of $25,000.

That's against a guaranteed
100% of the house.

Now, you keep the overrides on all
concessions with a 20% kickback to us.

I don't rightly understand
a word you're saying, mister.

We talkin' Hollywood talk,
Chuck, Chuck, Chuck, Chuckie.

And he's using
a stardust dialect.

What I'm saying here,
Chuck...

is this is an envelope, see,
with $20,000 in it.

That rents The Floor 'Em
for a day.

I take the gate, and you get
80% of drinks and sandwiches.

Good. That was the deal.

Why didn't you
just say that?

I did.

You guys work it out,
okay?

I'll prep the docs...

then we'll ink the pad and skyrocket
out of here. How about it?

What's he sayin'?

Oh, prepare the documents,
sign the deal and leave.

Why didn't he say that?

He did.

Ah, just a minute.
Yeah.

Uh, the boys on this
pipeline are rough. Ah.

Now, you don't give 'em
Cowboy George...

they'll k*ll you.

Just you watch, Murdock,
timing, good business sense...

with a little tricky accounting
is gonna make us rich.

What now?
Pickup Cowboy George.

He's comin' out on
the plane from Phoenix.

Should be into the Dry
Creek Airport in about...

15 minutes?
Right.

[birds chirping]

Well, I guess you're right,
Face...

I mean, as long as we can get
that Cowboy George.

What do you mean, "As long
as we get Cowboy George"?

We got him, all right?

Listen, my very good friend Dashiel
Goldman represents him, okay?

After all, I'm getting a 50-50
cut on this weekend gig.

You mean this guy...

is gonna give you this hot act just
so that you can make all this money?

Yeah, see, I helped him out with a little
scrape he had with his ex-wife last year.

Yeah, anyway, the deal is done.
Don't worry.

Cowboy George is ours.

(Murdock)
I don't see him.

Uh, Cowboy George?

Yo, Cowboy George?

Excuse me, I'm looking
for Templeton Peck...

from Peach Pear Management.
ls that you?

(Face)
Uh, yeah, that's me.

I'm looking for Cowboy George.

Well, I'm almost him.
I'm Boy George. Hi.

Dash Goldman sent me out
to meet you here.

You picked up the
guarantee on my contract.

We're heading
for the last roundup.

What are you trying to say,
man?

[stammering] Wait a
minute, see, I agreed...

to book Cowboy George...

Well, I'm Boy George and I agreed
to play the Arizona Forum.

Forum?

Oh, well,
there is no Forum here.

I mean, this is a barn, it's a dance hall.
It's called The Floor 'Em.

Guys with broken noses,
they drink there...

hit each other over the head
with table legs...

It's not your--

But Dash Goldman told me
you picked up my contract...

that you would guarantee me 60% of
what I earned at my last gig...

which was at, you know,
Madison Square Gardens.

Like $2 million, man.

Dash Goldman ducked and we
took the b*llet in the chest.

Uh, let me get
this straight now. I...

owe you 60%
of $2 million.

Uh, uh...

Yeah, well, let's see, now,
that's $1.2 million.

That's right.
I mean, pay or play, man.

[stammers] I tell you what,
let's go look at the place.

Let's go and look at the hall 'cause I
wouldn't mind seeing what it's like, you know.

Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

[people chattering]

You gotta be kiddin'.

They don't want no English rock
star with eyeball glitter.

This is a tough crowd.

Look, I don't wanna
hear from you, all right?

You got your $20,000.

You're out of it.

It's not your problem,
Chuck.

Now, look...

I wanted Cowboy George. You said
you'd deliver Cowboy George.

Now, I gotta fill this place,
you understand?

What do you care?

I rented the hall.

Look, I got bigger problems, Chuck.
Okay?

Now, get lost.

Okay, partner, let me
say this so you hear...

[whimpering]
I want Cowboy George.

I don't want
no English glitter prince.

Now,
Cowboy George shows up...

or you show up in a concrete bathrobe
at the bottom of Frazier Dam.

Yeah, well, I...

Let him loose, Chuckie.

Besides inking pads
and skying here and there...

I also like to blow holes
in the heads of rednecks.

[chuckling]
Excuse me.

I can't play this place because
it's a certified toilet.

Toilet?
Could we discuss this outside?

Actually, I don't think
it's so bad...

[door closing]

We're in trouble.

Call Kurt in Twin Rivers
and tell him we got a problem.

Kurt ain't gonna like it.

Armored car
comes in tomorrow.

Look, it ain't my fault.

I called
the management company...

I booked Cowboy George...

and some turkey in a
sequined coat shows up.

Well, that's Boy George.

He's a big top 40
rock and roll star.

And he won't draw flies
in this valley.

Now, get on the phone.

What do you mean,
you've "got Boy George"?

Just what I told you.
Dash Goldman stiffed me.

Well, he didn't stiff you.

Boy George is 100 times
the act that Cowboy George is.

Yeah, well, let's just say that there
are some contractual inadequacies...

that make this deal
less than perfect, okay?

Besides...

well, there's...

I think there's something
going on down here.

I told you, this guy
threatened to k*ll me.

What for? You rented his
joint, you gave him $20,000.

My point, exactly.

I got Murdock following
one of his henchmen.

[people chattering]

Hey, Hannibal, why's Face out
here spending our money?

It ain't right.

Ever since he took that show
business accounting course...

he's been in
the fiscal twilight zone.

That Dash Golden dude...

I wouldn't let him hold my wallet
if I had a g*n trained on him.

Yeah, he's pretty slippery.

Face is trying to get
something going between jobs.

And we all got
our outside interests.

You got your daycare center, Murdock's
got his psychosis, I got my acting.

Hannibal, you ain't no actor.

You don't find actors
dressing up like lizards.

That's a very narrow
interpretation, B.A.

Boris Karloff
wouldn't like it.

Now, imagine me
with a wig and a hat.

How do I look?

Pretty good.

Chuck wagon chili
on a honey roll, son.

That's the turn off up there. We got
to meet Face at the Adobe Inn, Room 6.

♪♪[car honking I've Been
Working on the Railroad]

Oh, boy,
am I glad you're here.

You look...
Hey, that's terrific.

How you doing, B.A.?

Terrible, man. Hannibal tells me
you're out here wasting our money.

Well, I'm... That's a very
narrow interpretation of it.

Everybody keeps
saying that...

but I'm still waiting for your explanation
to what happened to our $20,000.

Well, let's not stand
around outside. Come on in.

(Face)
Uh, George...

George, I'd like to introduce you
to some very good friends of mine.

This is Hannibal Smith.

How do you do?
Hi, how are you doing?

And B.A. Baracus.
Hi.

This place
is really American.

But I think the people will like
us once they hear the music.

Boy George. Wow.

How are you?

[Murdock groaning]

How you doing, Murdock?

These Lennon Sisters...

they just won't stop
singing in my head.

Will you cut it out, girls, and
give this mice song some time off?

What's he talking about,
Face?

Yeah, well, he's got a
song stuck in his head.

Murdock...

will you tell Hannibal about the building,
the guys with the machine g*ns?

I followed this cowboy to a building
about 10 miles out of town.

And they have M60s
mounted on a jeep.

I couldn't overhear
everything...

because these girls are making
so much racket in my head.

Something's going on here,
Hannibal.

I been running this thing
around in my head and...

well, one thing's for sure.

They want Cowboy George
to play at The Floor 'Em...

to draw in all those cowboys who've
been out working on the pipeline.

You know, now for some reason, they don't
think that Boy George here can draw...

the country-western audience. That's
why they're trying to k*ll me.

Why they need to fill that
auditorium, I don't know.

Why don't we go on down to The Floor
'Em and tell Chuck Danford...

that Cowboy George
has arrived.

Well, that's great, you guys,
but I came here to sing.

Oh, you'll sing. You'll be
the opening act for me.

And while
you're entertaining them...

we'll stick our nose
into their business.

Whatever it is.

Yeah, well, I feel
really bad about this...

because you guys have gotta
give me $1.2 million.

And I've seen that hall.

Five quid a head,
you ain't gonna make it.

This is a bad deal.

(Hannibal and B.A.)
Face.

Yeah, that was the kicker.

Yeah, but I've been
so busy...

I haven't had a chance to explain
our little contractual divot here.

Face, $1.2 million
is not a divot...

it is a crater.

All right, girls, girls,
girls, be quiet.

The big kids are trying
to talk here now.

See, he was so busy counting
the money in his head...

he failed to read the fine
print in the contract...

which said that
acts could be substituted.

My copy of the contract
was smudged.

Yeah, well,
I just...

You know, when you do
business with people...

there's a certain degree of trust
that's involved in the deal.

Face, how could you trust
a guy named Dash?

You see, he owes me
a little favor...

'cause I helped him out
with his ex-wife.

[growling]

Yeah.

Look, it just never occurred to me that
he'd Kn*fe me in the back on this thing.

This is terrible. I mean, I hate to
see you guys get stuck with this...

you know, but I think this Mr.
Goldman's a bit of a pirate.

You know, maybe we can work
something out.

Well, George, George...

George, you really are
one of the great ones.

Well, I'll talk to
the rest of the guys...

and maybe we can cut the guarantee
in half... or something.

Half?
Half.

$600,000?

Ah, gee, that's very
generous of you, George.

But, you see, to be
perfectly frank, I mean...

we're not gonna be able
to come up with that.

You know,
we'd need a huge auditorium.

We could do an outside concert, you know.
We can advertise on the TV.

We can pull this off.

I can do the radio gig. I'm primed
for the airwaves. I can do it, guys.

Really, I can.

I don't know.

This valley, you know, it may not be keyed
to your audience demographics, George.

Nonsense.
Everybody likes Culture Club.

Hey, Face, he's right.
They're great.

Well, it's time to go down
to The Floor 'Em...

and have Cowboy George
lay his card on the bar.

[birds chirping]

Got some warm beer and some
stale pretzels in this dump?

Son of a g*n...

you did show.

I was beginnin' to believe that bookin' agent
of yours was tryin' to pull a fast one.

Better put the amps and the
heavy stuff on the stage.

Cowboy George in the flesh.

I just can't believe it.

You gonna get
their blood pumpin'.

And you must be that scuzzbucket
they call Chuck Danford.

Hey, now...

take it easy. Be nice.

Mighty tough on my man,
Temp Peck.

Yeah, well...

I'll apologize,
because of you.

Where is he? He's over
at the radio station.

Getting the
ad campaign ready.

(Herm) When we talked
on the phone...

you said that there would be
a guest DJ from Los Angeles.

N[music playing]
Now I held the spot open...

because you said it would
be somebody on this list.

(Face)
Right. Right, I know.

I know. But, you see, that was
before I was in Phoenix...

and I found out that Pecos
Bob Steel was available.

That man has won the Country
Mike Award, three years running.

Four.
I was runner up in 1980.

But I lost to Spinnin' Jack
Spiner on Country 109.

But I never should've lost to
Spiner 'cause he's nothing...

but a Chiquita banana
with a straw hat.

And I think he bought it. But then,
hey, how could you ever prove it?

Yeah, right. So we're pretty
lucky to get Pecos Bob here...

to do this little
afternoon guest stint.

Uh, could you do a little
fast rap for me, please?

Now you're cookin' the beef and rollin'
the leaf with the real Bob Steel...

where yours truly, the caped crusader
of sound, gonna make it all happen.

I wanna take it to the border...
That's fine.

...where Kenny and Dolly are
gonna light up the night...

with their new country
rendition of Badlands...

right here on
the night beacon of sound...

K-GAB Radio.
That's fine, Bobby.

The last stand for country
music here in this country...

where the old sidewinder
himself, Pecos Bob Steel...

♪ Three blind mice ♪
...is lookin' for a love song.

(both)
♪ See how they run ♪

(both) ♪ They all ran
after the farmer's wife ♪

♪ She cut off their tails
with a carving Kn*fe ♪

♪ Never seen such
a sight in your life ♪

♪ As three blind mice ♪♪

I shouldn't
have done this.

They're not going to stop now.
They're not going to stop now.

Okay, just be quiet.

So, Herm... What do you say?
When can he start?

Now he's gotta do a few promos for the
Cowboy George concert down at The Floor 'Em.

Fine, the next shift
is in four minutes.

Stop, girls. Stop, stop, stop,
stop, stop, stop, stop.

He's just fooling around. You
know, don't worry, it's...

You know these DJs. They're just
a bunch of crazy, funny guys.

This is Bill Sutter
from Sutter Feed and Grain...

saying, "Thanks, neighbors
and adios."

I gotta get back
to the store.

Okay, well,
see you tomorrow, Bill.

You got the drift
of the board, Bob, there?

Uh, right, right.
Uh, Herm...

Herm,
there's a little gig I do...

with the Lennon Sisters.

You wouldn't, by any chance, have one
of their albums round here, would you?

Oh, well,
I got a copy of their...

Too Marvelous For Words
album over there...

but I think you better
stick with C & W Top 40--

Oh, right, right. Herm, thanks, we're fine.
I think we got it.

Everything's gonna turn out
real good.

You're all right?
Yeah.

Murdock, don't. I repeat, do
not play the Lennon Sisters.

I'm in deep trouble here. You
know, I got to fill that hall.

In fact, I got
to overfill that hall.

See, I'm thinking if I can
set up three or four shows...

maybe I can dig us
out of this ditch.

Why don't you trust
the old sidewinder here?

Turn on your radio
and just get out of here.

Let the Prince of Platters do his tricks.
Come on. Come on.

Don't forget the commercials, okay?
Boy George followed by Cowboy George.

Get out of here.

[imitating g*n f*ring]

Out of the west
and into your living room...

this is the old
sidewinder himself...

[smashing]
Pecos Bob Steel...

ambushing you with
the biggest hits on record.

Now, buckle your seatbelts...

'cause this stagecoach is a-rolling
with your favorite sounds.

Out of the past,
the Lennon Sisters...

singing the title song
from their hit album...

Too Marvelous For Words.

Too Marvelous For Words.

♪ You're just too marvelous ♪

♪ Too marvelous ♪♪

This is the old diamondback,
Pecos Bob Steel...

laying the wax and spinning
the sounds for you...

on KGAB, K-GAB radio.

Hey, how about
a change of pace?

Something out of the past,
an oldie but a goodie.

Something from
the Lennon Sisters...

and their hit album,
Too Marvelous For Words...

this is...

Mr. Clarinet Man.

But...

before we travel down
those tracks, partners...

let me remind you about the great double
bill that we have tonight at The Floor 'Em.

It's gonna be the two Georges in concert,
mixing and matching their sounds.

First, it will be Boy George
and the Culture Club...

and then it will be Cowboy
George and the Range Rats.

So, y'all show up and tell them that Pecos
Bob engraved your invitation right here...

on KGAB, K-GAB radio.

Now...

oh, let's hear it, girls...

let's hear it.

♪♪[Mr Clarinet Man playing]

[people chattering]

They're comin' in.
Get rollin'.

[phone ringing]

Floor 'Em.

Let me speak to Cowboy George.

Cowboy George.
Telephone.

Thanks.

Howdy.
This is Cowboy George.

Hey, man, it's going down.

They're headed toward
Twin Rivers.

Gotcha.

And now, straight from...

George...

you're gonna have to
go on and stay on.

I may not make it back.

You're supposed to be
bailing me out of this.

I mean, this is not
my kind of crowd.

And I will if I can.

[people cheering]

I'll give you
a great intro.

Well, I'll go on. But these
people are in for a surprise.

[people whooping]

Really cool.

I hear you been
out in the wilderness...

for about three months
laying a pipeline...

and we aim
to entertain you.

So, you just sit back
and relax.

'Cause opening for me
tonight...

is one of the great acts,
not just in show business...

but of the world.

Boy George
and the Culture Club!

[crowd booing]

Well, all yours.

You could always
throw them some raw meat.

[chuckling]

Good luck.

♪♪[band playing]

♪ Woman, thank you,
thank you ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you ♪

[crowd booing]

♪ What we have
is something special ♪

♪ Something quite unique ♪

♪ What we have
should last forever ♪

♪ Heaven at my feet ♪

♪ I would give the world
to you, girl ♪

♪ Or anything you need ♪

♪ There is nothing
I won't do ♪

♪ Just promise
that you'll never leave ♪

♪ God thank you, woman ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you ♪

♪ For the joy
that you give to me ♪

♪ God thank you, woman ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you ♪

♪ For the joy
that you give to me ♪

(Boy George) ♪ In this world
you are my pleasure ♪

♪ No one can compete ♪

♪ Happiness is
hard to measure ♪

♪ Woman, you're so sweet ♪

♪ I would give my heart
to you ♪

Open the door!

♪ You're the air I breathe ♪
This is a country-western station.

I'm gonna call the police!

♪ There is nothing
I won't do ♪

♪ Just promise
that you'll never leave ♪

♪ God thank you, woman ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you ♪

♪ For the joy
that you give to me ♪

♪ God thank you, woman ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you ♪

♪ For the joy
that you give to me ♪

(Boy George)
I' When I'm alone at night I'

Okay, we're in position, B.A.

♪ I think of love ♪
What's going on?

It's a bank, Hannibal.
The armored car is there.

They got the guards tied up
in the back.

They wanted those cowboys
out of town...

so they could rob
the oil company payroll.

And I don't blame them.
Those are tough guys.

♪ Won't you call me ♪

♪ If you need me ♪
Okay.

♪ Won't you call me ♪
Mind your end of the street.

♪ If you need me ♪
When they come down this way...

we'll catch them
in the crossfire.

♪ Won't you call me ♪
Got it?

(B.A.)
Got it, Hannibal.

♪ If you need me ♪

♪ I have loved ♪

♪ God thank you, woman ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you ♪

♪ For the joy
that you give to me ♪

♪ God thank you, woman ♪

♪ For the joy
that you give to me ♪

♪ I would give the world
to you, girl ♪

[yelling]

♪ Or anything you need ♪

♪ Oh, God thank you, woman ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you ♪

♪ For the joy
that you give to me ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you ♪

♪ For the joy
that you give to me ♪

♪ God thank you, woman ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you ♪

♪ For the joy
that you give to me ♪

♪ God thank you, woman ♪

♪ Thank you, thank you ♪

♪ For the joy
that you give to me ♪

We give up!
We give up!

♪ Oh, baby ♪

You got a light, Butch?

I get cranky
when my cigar ain't lit.

♪ Thank you, thank you ♪

♪ For the joy
that you give to me ♪♪

These boys are gonna need
a little bit of a checkup.

Been hit on the head
is all.

Okay, roll them out.

What are you gonna do
with all the money?

Well, won't you
come on inside with me?

[engine starts]

(Murdock) That was the Lennon
Sisters singing Fool for Love.

(Herm) Open the door!
Open the door!

Just want y'all to know that the
switchboard here has been fighting up...

[radio switches off]

Got couple deputies
in back...

can help us with all this.

Hey, boys, y'all wanna
come on out here?

[g*ns cocking]
Oh.

Y'all are under arrest
for attempted bank robbery.

Get them up high.
Book these outlaws.

I hate it
when I don't spot a phony.

[chuckling]
Butch, show these men...

the nice rooms
we got for them.

Now, don't get cocky,
Butch.

We could chew a hole in the
wall and come get you.

I won't hold
my breath.

What's going on, Hannibal?

One thing's for sure.

That sheriff
is not a real sheriff.

So, where's
the real sheriff?

That's a good question.

I got another one.

What next?

[people cheering]

♪♪[band playing]

♪♪[humming]

♪ Spirit changed
the conversation ♪

♪ Stepping stones
across the land ♪

♪ I never wanted
to be a hero ♪

♪ I never wanted
to be a man ♪

♪ I hurt you, darling ♪

♪ I made you cry ♪

♪ I hurt you, darling ♪

♪ Don't ask me why ♪

♪ Move, move,
move away from me, darling ♪

♪ I never said
I'd hold your hand ♪

♪ Move, move,
move away from me, darling ♪

♪ I never said
I'd understand ♪

♪ If I could say
this was judgment day ♪'

♪ You know
I'd be a millionaire ♪

♪ I'm prepared
to wear my sorrow ♪

♪ Everywhere we go
in town ♪

♪ Ain't no need
to beg or borrow ♪

♪ While you're there
to drag me down ♪

♪ I hurt you, darling ♪

♪ I made you cry ♪

♪ I hurt you, darling ♪

♪ Don't ask me why
Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Move, move,
move away from me, darling ♪

♪ I never said
I'd hold your hand ♪

♪ Move, move,
move away from me, darling ♪

♪ I never said
I'd understand ♪

♪ If I could say
this was judgment day ♪

♪ You know
I'd be a millionaire ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

[whispers]
Justice right.

♪ Move away ♪

♪ I need you so ♪

♪ I can't let go ♪

Gotta go on stage
and make an announcement.

What's up?

I got the money. Now we
gotta buy a little time.

♪ I hurt you, darling ♪

♪ I made you cry ♪

Hold it, hold it!
Hold it, now.

♪ I hurt you, darling ♪♪

[all yelling]

(Kurt) May I have your
attention, please?

I'm temporary Sheriff Miller,
from down at Twin Rivers.

Now, I know
most of you men...

have been working
on the pipeline...

and you're waiting around
for your pay.

[all cheering]

I got some bad news for you.

The armored car was hit
and they got your payroll.

[all shouting]

Wait, wait, wait a minute.
Whoa, no v*olence.

I'm just filling in for
Sheriff Leland who took sick.

I got the one's that did it
locked up in my jail...

but the trouble is--
What about our money?

I don't know.
Those guys must have hid it.

But I get back to my jail, we're
gonna see if we can't find out.

I just thought
I'd let you know.

[men clamoring]

I think these cowboys
need our help.

I'm gonna go down
to the radio station.

All right.
Go ahead.

♪ To tell you that
you're marvelous ♪

♪ Too marvelous for words ♪

♪ You're much ♪

♪ Too much ♪ This is the
old sidewinder saying...

don't sit side saddle unless
you had that operation.

It's been a real pleasure
sittin' a spell with y'all...

and talking to you. Remember,
Lennon Sisters is where it's at!

Adios, amigos.

What are you
trying to do?

We're gonna have to rebate
all the advertisers.

I thought it was
a real stunning gig.

♪ ...in Webster's Dictionary S'

Hey, man,
your friends are in trouble.

I think you should
go and help them.

Wait a minute. Pecos
Bob Steel is history.

♪ And so we're borrowing
a love N'

Hey.

Does this jail sound empty
or am I nuts? Face?

Why would they lock us up
and then take off?

Well, if I were them...

I'd go back
over to The Floor 'Em...

and tell those guys
that we stole their money.

It'd be
a great diversion...

I mean, the Sheriff
and the bad guys get away.

And we'd be faced with
a mob of angry cowboys...

looking at us and throwing
ropes over tree limbs.

Makes sense.

Yeah. I think we better figure
a way out of this jail, guys.

That's why we brought you
along, Hannibal.

That's supposed
be your job.

Ideas.
Okay.

The Hannibal Smith
Idea Department...

is now open
for suggestions.

That's not an idea,
Hannibal.

[sighing]
Well, guys...

I have an idea.

Set of lock picks.
Mmm-hmm.

Face.

Sometimes
your sense of larceny...

is your most attractive trait.

I know.

[lock clicking]

[men clamoring]

Hey, open the door!
Open the door!

Doesn't sound like
our fan club.

Come on, guys.

Face, see if there's a back
door out of this joint.

Okay, boys,
get that bench.

(Hannibal)
Find anything?

Oh, yeah,
I found the real sheriff.

Dead.

Oh, man, they gonna
think we k*lled him.

[sighing]

This situation
has some ragged edges.

Yeah. Well, you'll come
up with something.

I can't think
with all this noise.

I think that we need
a little diversion here.

Why don't we do something
to help with it?

Come on.

[men yelling]

£J“[humming]

Face usually does this.
It looks easy but...

Hold on, hold on.

I got a bobby.

A... Oh.

[lock clicking]

[grunts]

See, a really honest man doesn't have
an appetite for this sort of thing.

Yeah,
but who needs honesty?

[door creaking]

Get a idea.

Idea. Idea.

What do you think?

[laughing] Not if you wanna get
past those cowboys. No way.

How about this?

Mmm, it loses your eyes.

This is it.
Perfect fit, too.

Really?

A bonnet!

[men clamoring]

Please, please.

One of the men inside is the
father of my unborn child.

[sobbing]

Look, lady, they stole our money
and knocked over the bank.

And we're gonna
hang them.

Oh, no, please,
please, please.

He only stole the money
because of the baby.

We had such
wonderful plans...

for the child.

Because we all must learn to
appreciate the Lennon Sisters.

I know,
I know it's not right...

that he stole your money.

But I also know that if you
allow me to go into the jail...

untouched, unharmed...

that I can convince him...

to give you back
your money.

What if they won't?

Well, if you hang them...

you'll never get
your money back.

Oh, please, if you
won't do it for me...

[sobbing]
do it for my baby.

Okay, lady,
you got five minutes.

Thank you.

Herbert.
Herbert, it's Cynthia.

Open up, darling.
We've got to talk.

Cynthia? Go away.

I can't.

Herbert, oh, Herbert,
we've got to talk...

for the baby.

Baby? What that fool
talking about?

I don't know. Let's
open up and find out.

Oh, you handsome
pile of trouble.

I didn't realize all that
you did for little Herbert.

Man, are you the ugliest
woman I ever seen!

I think I'm gonna
like the baby though.

I chose the Lamaze
method of delivery.

Hold your breath and
remember your exercises.

[gasps]

expl*sives. Oh.

Uh-huh.

Great, Murdock.

Great.

You know, Murdock, you look
better to me as a woman...

than you do as a man.

Face, I don't have time
for that sort of thing now.

Boy George is waiting behind the
Sheriff's office. We've gotta go.

Come on, man,
let's mine these walls.

Watch.

Time's up!

Come on, guys,
let's go after them.

Tell me about
that building you saw.

No, forget about that.

They said something
about the airport.

B.A., hit it right
on the next dirt road.

This is great.

[chuckles]

[alarm beeping]

Totally awesome, Hannibal.

Hey, what's going on here?

Here's your money.

These are the guys
who took it.

Yeah,
but I thought that--

Now, they k*lled the sheriff
over at Twin Rivers.

This guy's no sheriff.

Run a make on him, you'll get a
book and sheet 10 feet long.

I guess we owe you guys
an apology, huh?

What about me? I'm the
one who lost the baby.

Oh-oh, they're at it again,
Colonel.

Only this time they're singing
No Place Like Home.

Great idea, Murdock.
Let's go.

Hey. Hey,
who are you guys?

We're the A-Team.

Son of a g*n.
So there.

[people cheering]

(men) We want George!
We want George!

Neat crowd, huh.
Music lovers, all.

Reminds me of a lynch
crowd I once saw.

[stammers]
Now, Face, this is one...

you gonna have
to explain to me.

I mean, you been trying to teach me
how to be a rocko-socko agent...

but you haven't given me any
inkling, not an inkling...

as to how you
pulled this off.

Yeah, man, how come you don't owe Boy
George his couple of million dollars?

Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah.

Anyone can get Boy George
to play a large auditorium.

How many guys do you know can get
him to play to a crowd like this?

(men) We want George!
We want George!

If I can have your attention
here. Please.

Let's have
a big, warm welcome...

for the Culture Club.

[all cheering]

[people whistling]

And now, without further ado,
the roughest, toughest...

cowpoke to ever
ride the range...

Boy George!

♪♪[band playing]

♪ Desert loving in your eyes
all the way ♪

♪ If I listen to your lies,
would you say ♪

♪ I'm a man
without conviction ♪

♪ I'm a man who doesn't know ♪

♪ How to sell
a contradiction ♪

♪ You come and go ♪

♪ You come and go ♪

♪ Karma karma karma
karma karma chameleon ♪

♪ You come and go ♪

♪ You come and go ♪

♪ Loving would be easy ♪

♪ If your colors
were like my dream ♪

♪ Red, gold and green ♪

♪ Red, gold and green ♪

♪ Didn't hear
your wicked words every day ♪

♪ And you used to be so sweet
I heard you say ♪

♪ That my love
was an addiction ♪

♪ When we cling
our love is strong ♪

♪ When you go
you're gone forever ♪

♪ You string along ♪

♪ You string along ♪

♪ Karma karma karma
karma karma chameleon ♪

♪ You come and go ♪

[crowd applauding]
♪ You come and go ♪♪

♪♪[Karma Chameleon
by Culture Club playing]