Okay, miles.
Bathroom's
all packed up.
Hope your new place
has a walk-in medicine cabinet
'Cause I filled two boxes
with antacids alone.
Oh, I found this
under the sink.
What's all
this stuff?
Oh, my stress-busters.
I've got them all,
you know.
The primitive
executive relaxer.
The classic
nerves-be-gone.
Ooh, here's
an old favorite--
The tranquilator.
Extremely rare,
and highly toxic.
They pulled them off the shelves
After air traffic controllers
from o'hare were hospitalized
In a single afternoon.
How's this one work?
Oh, excellent
taste, corky.
That's mr. Mellow--
circa .
Now, with this model,
you have to be careful
Because...
It's easy to break.
That doesn't seem
very relaxing.
Are you really going
to drag all this junk
To a new apartment?
It's not all junk.
Dusty old pottery,
this dingy bed cover
A clock that hasn't
been used in years.
You don't need this.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
This will be great
in my extra bedroom.
Hey, peter,
look, free pottery.
Listen, miles, I'm
sorry I can't lift
Anything heavy today.
This damn back of mine...
Don't apologize.
I appreciate
you guys helping me out
Since those jerks
I hired never showed up.
You shouldn't expect too much
from a moving company
That misspells "moving"
on its business card.
Peter,
don't strain yourself.
Hey, miles, we want you
to settle something for us.
As we load your u-haul
Shall we employ the time-honored
"first in, last out" method
I learned the three summers
I spent as a professional mover
Or the less-precise, willy-nilly
method frank picked up
Watching sanitation workers
on trash day?
You said you would ask
the question straight
And I don't just
throw things on the truck.
That's something
you made up.
You two stop it!
Have either of you
considered
That this might be a
difficult day for miles?
Can't you put aside
your petty, selfish concerns
For one minute,
and show a little sensitivity?
Where the hell
do you get off
Taking home all the mugs
the network sent us?
You live alone.
I'm leaving you one.
She's right.
I only need one.
God. How did I let this happen?
You left murphy alone
in a room for five minutes.
That's how it happened.
She came to visit me
last month.
I swear I had
a full set of silverware.
No. No, how did I
end up this way?
I'm years old.
I figured I'd need
a lot of mugs by now.
A coffee mug for my wife
Little sippy-straw mugs
for my kids
And a big mug for me that
says, "world's greatest dad."
I'll be dragging
my single, sorry little mug
From one apartment to another
for the rest of my life.
I know exactly how
you feel, miles.
I didn't expect to
end up this way either.
I can't tell you how sick I am
of being alone so much.
You know what I hate?
Going to a restaurant
And having to ask
for a table for one.
Yes. Then the waiter asks
If anyone else
is using the other chair
And when you say no
They hoist it up
And carry it
across the room
Like a trophy.
Everybody looks at you
like they stuck
A big "loser" sign
over your head.
I'll take this one.
Dear lord!
How many times
do I have to tell you?
There is a right way
to pick up a box
And there's a wrong way.
That is the wrong way.
This is the right way.
"There is a right way
And a wrong way."
Give it a rest!
Oh, how vinny and the boys
Would have
ridiculed you.
What's the answer,
corky?
How are we supposed
to meet people?
Nobody works
the same hours we do.
And I'm always set up
with these flaky guys.
I am sick of flaky guys.
I want to meet someone
Who has his feet
on the ground.
I'd love to meet someone
Who's sweet and sympathetic
for a change.
Yeah, and sensitive.
You know, someone
who understands
You can't just jump
into a relationship.
You've got to
take it slow.
Start as friends, and let
things take their course.
Good luck finding that.
Yeah. Good luck.
(Glass shattering)
Oh, god!
Jim:
dear lord,
look what you've done!
Frank:
me?!
Hey, none of that smashed
stuff better be mine!
Morning, murphy.
Whatcha doing?
Putting all my phone numbers
in this pocket organizer.
Can you think of any scenario
Where I'd need to call bowser
from sha na na?
Nah.
So that was fun
Helping miles
yesterday, wasn't it?
Mm-hmm.
You finally get everything
to fit into your car?
Mm-hmm.
Think dukakis will
make a comeback?
Yeah, right.
So things are
going pretty well
With you and peter, right?
Yep. We're a regular michael
and lisa marie.
Well, that's just great
Because technically,
it is an "office" romance--
Number one on cosmo's list
of " dating no-nos."
Mm-hmm.
Richard nixon?
You never know.
And to think,
the man in your life
Was right under your nose
and you didn't know it.
You think the next man
in my life
Could be right under my nose
And I might not even know it,
murphy?
I don't know, corky.
Maybe.
Do you really think so, murphy?
Do you?
Yes, corky, I do,
with every fiber of my being.
You know, I do too.
Thanks, murphy.
Has anyone seen miles?
No. Though given
how stiff my neck is
He could be standing next to me
and I wouldn't know it.
And I suppose
that's my fault.
Nobody ford you to ride
on the back of the truck.
True, but no one forced you
to slam on your brakes?
So you could ogle that
young co-ed in the mazda miata.
There was a yellow light.
Don't you point your finger at me.
I don't need
to listen to this.
Good morning, people!
I am pleased to announce
that, with the exception
Of the half-dozen wall sconces
Murphy removed
from my old apartment
Which is coming out
of my security deposit
The move went without a hitch.
Thank you all.
Oh, corky, I owe you
the biggest thanks.
Setting up my salt-water
aquarium was one thing
But snaking my drains?
I really owe you for that.
Well, you know what?
You can take me out
to dinner sometime.
Okay. Let's do that.
What night's good for you?
Oh, well, let's see.
Tuesday night, I have editing.
Thursday night,
I have a focus group.
Saturday?
Saturday? Yeah, that'll work.
We can go to that disanto's
murphy's always talking about.
Ooh, that sounds nice.
I hear it's really cozy.
Great. So it's a date?
You bet.
...well, I figured
Who else could have taught
the parrot to say that?
So I had to break up
with her.
That sounds awful.
Guess I'd have to say
My worst date was
with this guy kent.
His idea of a fun night
was driving around
From building fire
to building fire.
You're kidding?
It's true.
Somehow we always managed
to get there
Five or ten minutes
before the fire department.
When I asked
how he did it
He'd giggle, light a cigarette
And watch the match
burn down to his fingers.
You know, corky,
this is fun.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Feels really comfortable,
doesn't it?
Now we have
to wait in the bar.
If you hadn't taken
ten minutes
To explain to the valet
exactly how to park your car...
If you hadn't
taken minutes
Making sure your hair had
that perfect rumpled look...
Hey, murphy, peter.
Over here.
You two have
a reservation.
We did.
Mmm. Bruschetta.
Do you mind?
Go ahead. Take.
Pull over
a couple of chairs.
You can eat with us.
I'm sure these two
lovebirds don't want...
Great.
Excuse me.
Are you using
these chairs?
Oh, well, then you won't mind
if we take them.
Let's get you
some menus.
Excuse me.
I'm sure
a table for two
Will open up any minute.
Murphy and peter will be able
to go eat in private.
With this mob scene?
Don't count on it.
You know, murphy, maybe we
should go wait in the bar.
Let's see.
Share stale peanuts
with chain-smoking euro-trash
Or pick three-cheese ravioli
off miles' plate?
Hmm? Pass the parmesan.
Well, I'm going
to the ladies' room.
Murphy, would you like to come
to the ladies' room?
Why? This stuff
isn't cooked enough.
I'm sending it back.
Waiter!
Excuse me, miles.
Oh, come on.
What?
No.
You're the guy?
You're the guy
under corky's nose?
What?
So, miles, you hound,
how's the date going?
What?!
The date-- you and corky--
how's it going?
Corky and me?
A date?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
This is not a date.
Corky and I are just
having dinner together.
Oh. I see.
It's not a date.
They're just having dinner
together.
What?
This isn't a date.
What makes you think
this is a date?
Why don't we conduct
a date quiz?
What night is tonight?
Saturday.
Otherwise known
as "date night."
Did corky buy anything
new to wear tonight?
No!
Are you sure?
When I dropped olive spread
On her dress, she did say,
"oh, no, my new dress."
She feed you off her fork?
Twice.
Compliment your
sense of humor?
Profusely.
Did you see her
put perfume here?
And here.
Both:
it's a date.
No, no.
It's not a date unless
both parties agree it's a date
And I never agreed.
Relax. You got nothing
to worry about.
You just have to decide
Whether you want the kids
baptized or bar mitzvahed.
And what
You'll name them.
I think daisy mae silverberg
has a nice ring to it.
All right. Stop it.
This is not funny.
Both:
yes, it is.
No, it isn't.
This is serious.
I am corky's boss.
I can't get into a relationship
with her.
Not to mention the fact
I'm just not interested in her.
She's like a sister.
I mean, she's fun
and easy to be with
But, no, this can't be a date!
Great news, you guys.
Table for two
just opened up.
No! Sit, stay, relax!
Have some breadsticks.
Sparkling water anyone?
Oh, miles, that's
incredibly sweet
And I'm sure murphy and peter
appreciate the gesture
But couples do need
their time alone.
Oh, yes, they do.
Now run along,
you two.
Shoo.
We'll do this again
real soon.
Maybe next time we can
do it as a double date.
You got it.
You know
If you don't like your table,
you could always come back.
You have
the best sense of humor.
You have to try some of this.
...and that's what scares me
about an office romance.
Am I making any sense?
Yes.
Yes, you are, miles.
And do I appreciate
your honesty.
I don't know
what I was thinking.
This probably wasn't
a good idea.
I am so glad
to hear you say that
Because it would
have been uncomfortable
For so many
different reasons.
Imagine the awkward
story meetings--
Me having to sh**t down
one of your story ideas.
How would any of that
have worked?
Yes, I know.
You're right.
You're right.
Well, I had
a great dinner.
My dinner was great too.
At least
that's what murphy said.
Well, good night.
Ah, good night.
Good night.
(Kissing cheek)
Talking about that thing we
talked about the other day.
Huh? What thing?
You know, the thing.
Oh, right.
Miles told me what happened.
He did?
And these things
are always awkward.
Awkward?
I can barely even look at him.
Who could have seen this coming?
If miles isn't interested in you
It's better to find out now.
Miles told you
he wasn't interested in me?
Yeah. Hello.
This is murphy brown.
Yes, I'll hold.
Just the way
to spend my morning--
Listening to the london
symphony orchestra play
"Do you think I'm sexy?"
He said he wasn't
interested in me?
He used those exact words?
Not exactly,
but that was the gen...
Hello? Your highness?
This is... Oh.
Well, thank you.
This is murphy brown.
Thanks for...
Murphy brown.
Well, over
on this side of the...
I can't
believe this!
Actually, I'm sort of like
an american david frost.
Corky!
Could her highness and I
arrange an interview?
Corky!
At her convenience
and conducted
With discretion.
What were his exact words?
I demand to know.
I have a right to know!
There's a disturbance outside.
I'll close the window.
Get out!
No! Not till
you tell me
what miles said
Word for word.
He said...
He wasn't interested.
You were easy,
something something something.
Easy?!
He said he liked you
You were fun but not
for a relationship.
Hi, I'm back.
I'm terribly sorry.
He said all that?
Yes. Get out!
Ohh!
(Knocking)
Knock-knock.
Aw, geez.
Oops. Didn't realize
you were on the phone.
Oh, corky,
hey, again.
I think that dress
Looks beautiful on you.
Really sexy.
Miles...
You see any fish
in here?
No, why?
Corky!
No, don't hang up.
Hold on.
What is going on?
I have no idea!
The other night
We were kissing.
Today, she's throwing
fish water at me!
Well, I hope you...
You were kissing?
Yes! And she
liked it!
What happened to not
being interested in her?
Something just started
feeling right.
Something just clicked.
What?!
Aw, geez.
What?!
Oh, no.
Miles:
you told her what?!
Corky,
I'm kind of surprised
You agreed
to car-pool today.
I don't know why.
It was my turn
to drive.
Yeah, but this
thing with miles.
Oh, please. It is over
between the two of us.
Believe you me,
I am past miles.
You just passed miles.
Ah, the hell with him.
Stop!
Corky!
All right.
(Honking horn)
Oh, well, can't
wait around forever.
Corky!
Stop!
(Knocking)
(Thudding)
Corky, I need
to talk to you.
Now's not the time.
Corky's crabby
about something.
Shut up, frank.
Is it man trouble?
Shut up, frank.
It is man trouble.
Here it comes.
All men are pigs.
All we want is sex.
Shut up, frank!
You've got it wrong
about saturday night.
Saturday night?
You know about
saturday night?
No, and I don't
want to know.
I didn't know
we were on a date.
A date?
You guys were out on a date?
Yes.
No!
Murph, did you know they
were out on a date?
Of course, frank,
peter and I were there.
Peter and you were there?
Wait a minute, all four
of you went out together?
Well, thanks for inviting me,
friends.
Please, can't we talk?
No.
We need to talk, corky.
All right,
we can talk.
Let's talk.
Everybody out!
Are you nuts?!
It's ° outside.
Sorry, but miles
wants to talk.
Out!
I told you to pipe down,
but did you listen?
It's moving day
all over again.
For your information
I was busy that night,
and I had a great time--
A great time.
I suppose
you went out
With them, too,
didn't you, jim?
Murphy?
Sorry.
I'm not moving.
I just want to explain.
How you
think of me
As your sweaty
little sex toy?
I'm out of here.
Okay. You've got
three minutes.
I don't know how it happened
But this whole thing
got twisted around.
So you didn't say
you weren't interested
In having a relationship
with me?
Okay. I did say that, but...
Okay, everybody
back in!
Wait. I did say
I wasn't interested
In having a relationship
But I thought
we were going out
As friends.
When I found out
it was a date
I got confused.
Funny your lips
didn't seem confused.
Well, the truth is
they weren't.
It's like
I told murphy.
Something just started
feeling right between us.
You didn't say
that to murphy.
Yes. Yes, I did.
When?
Yesterday
in her office.
You can ask her.
Murphy, you can
come back in.
I didn't say
you, frank.
Let me stay.
I'm real good
at negotiating.
I have freed
hostages.
No. Push him
out, murphy.
Sorry, frank.
Okay, murphy
Yesterday
in your office
Did miles tell you
something felt right
Between the
two of us?
Uh-huh.
Okay. Out.
I'm not going
back out there.
I tell you what.
I'll lie down here in back.
You'll never know I'm here.
Oh, all right.
You see?
I meant what I said.
I had a really good time,
kiss or no kiss.
Really?
Really.
So did i.
A really good time.
(Sighs)
So now what?
Well, we have a choice:
We can stick
with the safe route
Stick with the status quo,
just stay friends...
Or we could take a chance,
roll the dice
And see where it takes us.
This is tough.
I mean, staying friends
would be great
But dating would be
pretty interesting too.
Office romances
can work.
I mean, you don't
have to end up
Angry and miserable.
Look what going
out with peter
Has done for murphy.
Murphy:
you open this car!
I'm freezing!
Friends?
Friends.
I'm putting ?
In your gas t*nk!
Let us back in this stupid
four-wheel vehicle!