stopped at : .
Hi, guys,
sorry I'm late.
Avery's school play
was this morning.
They staged another
production, did they?
I must say, that pre-school
of his is quite progressive.
In fact, last month's performance
of Streetcar Named Desire
has really stayed with me.
Tell me about it.
When I saw that little
-year-old
In his T-shirt shout "Stewwa!"
I really felt his animal rage.
Yeah, well, you don't know
about animal rage
Until you've sat next
to that sickeningly sweet
Dottie Wilcox for three hours.
I swear if she prodded me one
more time and told me how
her son was the peppiest
Willy Loman in history...
Did anyone see
Dottie's show last week?
She had Tim Conway on talking
about his plantars warts.
Did you know he was in constant
discomfort
Through the entire filming
of The Apple Dumpling g*ng?
Really?
No kidding?
You people have no idea
what it's like.
Our kids land in the same class
and suddenly
She's following me around like
some demented baby duck.
Well maybe she just
Really likes you, Murphy.
Although, for the life of me
I can't figure out why.
She's nice and
sweet and thoughtful
and you're so... you.
Where is it written
That just because
your kids are friends
the parents have to
be friends too?
At least Katie Couric and
I have an understanding
About keeping our distance
From each other...
Well, it's more
of a court-ordered thing
But it works out just fine.
You know, slugger, I had much
the same experience
with Cyrus Vance.
Turned out I was sending that
tiresome windbag mixed signals.
Perhaps you need to be clearer.
Clearer?
Jim, the other day
I rolled up my car window
while she was
still talking to me.
I drove away and she actually
ran alongside the car
Until she was able to yank
her hair free at the on-ramp.
I'm telling you, the woman
cannot take a hint.
Since she likes
you so much
Maybe you could
convince Dottie to
put me back on her show.
My agent said it would really
boost my "Q" rating.
I doubt if they want you back, Frank.
I mean, they did have to call
in the paramedics after
your glass blowing fiasco.
Hey, I learned my lesson.
Watch it spin. Blow out, not in.
Murphy, Dottie's office
just called.
She's on her way
up to see you.
Oh, God!
Call Captain Dan--
Tell him to fire up
the chopper.
And tell him not to wait.
He can just throw out
the rope ladder and I'll
jump on as he passes me.
That's right.
Linseed oil and turpentine
and vinegar
make a nifty
furniture polish.
But remember,
shake well before using.
(laughing)
So how's my favorite
network news team?
Hi, Dottie. Hi, Dottie.
Oh, Corky, you are positively radiant.
Radiant!
Jim, you're looking
fit as a fiddle.
Oh, there's my Murphy.
Oh, we really have to stop
meeting like this.
Yeah, we do.
We really do.
Frank, was there something
you wanted to say to Dottie?
Yeah, Dottie,
I was just wondering
How things were going
on the show.
Book any good guests lately?
You know, actors, musicians?
Charming, thrill-seeking
journalists?
Well, none
as charming as you.
Hey, mister,
You haven't dropped by
the show lately.
Didn't you help us demonstrate
something last time?
What was it?
Glass blowing.
Hey, that's right.
Have you started
producing saliva yet, Frank?
Oh, yeah.
I'm much better now.
You know, Dottie, if
I came back on your show,
I could talk about what
I just saw in Chiapas.
Yow know, what
it's like to report on
an impoverished,
yet determined people
Rising up against
a brutal oligarchy.
That's nice, but it's
soft of a downer.
Any hobbies?
Hobbies?
Yes. Just last week
Linda Blair showed us
Some Renaissance instruments
she restored.
Oh, and Harry Hamlin
demonstrated
How with ten feet
on cheesecloth
And the ability to control
your gag reflex
You can actually clean out
your entire digestive system.
Do you have anything
like that?
Like that, huh?
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Weren't you the one that
loved model trains so much?
Model trains?
Uh-huh. Remember, you told
me the story--
Yoor grandfather gave you
your first toy choo-choo
and from there,
your collection grew
Until it became
one of the largest
and most impressive
in the country?
Or was that Jerry Van d*ke?
No, no, no, that was me,
definitely me.
Love, love, love
those trains, right guys?
This is perfect. you can bring
the whole kit and caboodle
on the show this Friday.
This Friday?
Great.
Got to go.
Now, Murphy?
Murphy?
Oh.
(giggling)
Murphy
Mur-r-rphy.
Well, how did that get there?
Twister?
Anyhoo, goose that I am,
I forgot to give you
the invitation to Harrison's
th birthday party.
Aw, geez, didn't he
just have one of those?
No, silly.
That was his book signing party.
Anyhow,
I'll see you there.
Gee, you know, Dottie,
I'm afraid I have a conflict.
Oh, dear.
You do?
Uh-huh, you see
I don't like you
And I don't want to go.
Murphy, you're
such a kidder.
No, no, really.
Listen, I'm not kidding.
I don't like you.
Murphy, I hate you too.
(laughing)
Oh, but soriously, Murphy.
We really have to find a way
to spend more time together.
I know.
Maybe you could do a
story on me someday.
Hey, great idea.
Let's set it up.
What?!
Super!
Call my office.
Oh Murphy, we have to
get our nails done.
And then we can just talk
and talk and talk and talk
and talk and talk...
Are you nuts?!
I'm not doing a profile on
that smiling sack of sugar.
Now Murphy, Dottie's got
a high profile.
Her new clothing line
is a huge success,
And who knows--
Maybe some of her
sweetness and warmth
just might rub off on you.
But really, it is a good story.
Yow know, you're right.
In fact, I'll just dump
all my stories.
Then after I finish
my profile on Dottie
I can jump right into that
searing investigation,
I know you'll want me to do
on Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop.
Here's a preview--
She's both of them.
And here's a little
preview for you.
(Imitating Lamb Chop):
You're doing the story.
Forget it, Kay.
I'm not doing a story on Dottie.
You can find
some other chump.
Hey, what's going on?
Kay, chump.
Chump, Kay.
There, I believe
my work here is done.
Corky, you want
to quiz me on trains?
No, but I'll push you
in front of one
If you don't get
the hell out of my way.
Hey, Corky,
what are you doing?
Looking for aspirin.
I figure if there are any
in this office, they must be
in your secretary's desk.
Trouble in Dottie-land?
What's the matter?
All that gooey sweetness
making your teeth hurt?
Not exactly. This story
just busted wide open.
Turns out there's some
odd things showing up in
the river next to Dottie's
Malaysan clothing factory.
Ooh, let me guess.
Sugar and spice
and everything nice?
No. More like toxins
and lye and poisonous dye.
I know.
Can you believe it?
My sources say
her factory's k*lled off
everything in the river
and is threatening
to wipe out an entire
native village.
Wow, and I thought Dottie
was only responsible
For the death
of fashion as we knew it.
I just feel so bad
for Dottie.
Yeah. Boy, she'll probably
never speak to you again.
You know, Corky,
why put yourself
through all that?
I suppose I could
do the story,
What are you saying, Murphy?
Are you saying
I'm not up to it?
Because, believe me,
I am up to it.
Of course you are.
If anyone was ever up to this
Dottie story it is you.
Because you are up to it.
You know
that Dottie story?
Corky's not up to it.
I don't know, murphy.
I think she's got things
pretty well in hand.
All right, look,
something's been
eating at me
and I need to talk about it.
You've seen the footage
of those Malaysian cockatoos
near Dottie's factory.
Isn't that something?
They hit the water
and just dissolve like Alka Seltzer.
No, no, what
I'm trying to say is
I should never have
defied your authority
the other day.
You gave me
an assignment
And I should
have taken it.
So do you want to break
the news to Corky, or should I?
I'm not going
to take the story
away from Corky.
But if you want to get
a jump on that Lamb Chop thing
I hear Charlie Horse
is ready
to spill his guts.
Bad news, corky.
Kay wants me
to do the story.
Wow? Really?
I know, it's got to sting,
but don't take it too hard.
Oh, no, actually
I feel pretty good, Murphy.
Five years ago,
for that load of bull.
I've really grown,
haven't I?
All right, Sherwood,
what's it going to take?
Your congressional
graft story.
Forget it!
But I will trade you
one exploding truck story
Two international leaders and
a profile to be named later.
What do you say?
I say I guess I'll just have
to do that Dottie story myself
Sure, she'll probably
never speak to me again,
or call me at : a.m
on Saturday morning just to chat
or drop by and give
me a hat she knitted.
All right,
the graft story is yours.
Great. it's a pleasure
doing business with you.
You're not going to be too brutal
on Dottie, are you?
Brutal?
Corky, please.
I am a professional journalist.
Sherry, I know it's a long sh*t,
but call down to archives
Ask them if they've got
any footage
of Dottie Wilcox holding
a human head.
That was great.
Let's watch it again.
For pity's sake,
slugger, FYI is over.
Your expose on Dottie
was devastating.
Yeah, Murphy, how many
times do we have to watch
how you superimposed
Dottie's face over
those men in decontamination suits
bulldozing that village?
At least twice more.
I see something new every time.
Aw...
Here you go, Murph.
What's that, Frank?
Oh, nothing.
Just $ , worth
of trains for Avery.
Thanks to you,
I just got bumped from Dottie's show.
Oh, so they saw my piece, huh?
What'd they think?
What'd they think?
Well, all right.
Here is the little depot.
And here's the little ticket taker.
Oh, and here are the shrubs.
hundreds and hundreds
of dollars worth of shrubs.
You can't have a depot
without shrubs!
Sorry we had to bump you, Frank.
Oh, that's okay.
No, it's not.
But in light of what happened,
we had to cancel all of our guests
and devote next week's shows
to the situation in Malaysia.
So, unless you know something
about the intricately carved
fertility masks of
of the Minaputongan
River Valley...
Know about them?
I make them at home.
Really?
Then I'll see you tomorrow, mister.
Tomorrow?
Yeah.
Great, got to go.
I have just two words
for you, Murphy Brown.
Thank you.
Are you sure you saw my piece?
Because I can run it for you
if you want.
Oh, I saw it.
I saw it.
And you have opened my eyes
to a great injustice.
I never wanted
to hurt anybody.
I just wanted to
bring people joy and happiness
And fine quality women's casuals
at fair prices.
No, wait.
You should be mad at me.
If someone did to me,
what I just did to you
I'd never speak to them again.
Now that wouldn't be fair.
You were just doing your job.
Well, yeah, but I could have
done a softer piece
or I could have warned you
that it was coming.
or I could have
avoided referring to you
as Dottie "Pig k*ller" Wilcox.
Technically,
it is accurate.
Anyway, I was trying
to plan our vacation
for next year.
Wouldn't it be a hoot
if our two little families
rented a Winnebago
and travelled cross country?
We could sing songs and
play the license plate game.
You don't want
to go anywhere with me.
I'm no good.
I'm the reason they're
telling those jokes about you.
Jokes? What jokes?
Oh, you don't
know the jokes?
Oh, they're awful.
Oh, like...
How many Minaputonga
River people does it take
to screw in a light bulb?
"None because they
don't exist anymore."
Oh!
And, "How many
Minaputonga River people
can you fit in a phone booth?"
"None, because they
don't exist anymore."
"Why did the
Minaputonga River person
"cross the road?"
"He didn't.
"Because he doesn't exist anymore."
Murphy!
For your information,
the Minaputonga River people
Are very much
alive and well
and living in
a relocation center
just a few hundred miles
from their homeland.
But if this is the way
you support me
in my time of
great personal crisis.
Well, I'm beginning
to wonder
If you're
as good a friend
as I thought you were.
Good bye, Murphy!
No!
Dottie Wilcox
is not a quitter.
And she is not
about to give up
on this friendship
quite so easily.
Oh, but she should.
She really should.
Tell you what.
We can put all this
ugliness behind us
if you'll apologize
right now.
Apologize?
Hah! Forget it.
I see.
Well, then I'm afraid you
leave me no choice
but to call a time out!
I don't want to see you
or talk to you ever again
until you are ready to say "I'm sorry."
Well, Dottie,
I'm afraid I can't do that
And if that means
That we can never
see each other again
Well then, damn it
that's just the price
I'm going to have to pay.
Fine.
Goodbye, Murphy.
♪♪ I got rid of Dottie
I got rid of Dottie ♪♪
♪♪ I got rid of Dottie
I got rid of Dottie ♪♪
Oh, hi, Murphy.
Hey, Rachel.
Avery get to sleep okay?
Yeah. I did just
what you told me.
I read to him from the transcripts
of Bob Dole's convention speech,
and he went out like a light.
Great. Now why couldn't
he have run in '
During Avery's colicky years?
Say, did you see my
piece on Dottie Wilcox?
It was great.
I can run it for you if you want.
Sure, as long as you know
I'm still on the clock,
And get $ an hour.
Good night, drive save.
Avery:
Hi, Mommy.
Hey, honey.
What's the matter?
I can't sleep.
You can't?
Well, I'll tell you what.
Why don't you get back into bed
and we'll talk about all the fun
we're going to have
at the zoo on Saturday.
But, Mommy, what about
Harrison's birthday party?
Oh, right.
Harrison's birthday party.
Oh, Avery, you don't really want to
go to Dottie's house, do you?
We' have a much
better time at the zoo.
We can go
to the monkey cage
And name them
after members
of the House
Ways and Means Committee.
But, Mommy, I want
to go to the party.
Harrison's my best friend
in the whole world.
He is? Are you sure?
Because there are a lot of
Harrisons in your class.
Are you sure it's Harrison Wilcox?
And you really, really
want to go to this party?
I don't suppose
a $ would change your mind?
Okay.
I guess we're
going to Dottie's.
... Mr. Pavarotti.
We come in peace,
Mr. Begley, Jr.
Nanu, nanu,
unidentified
earthlings.
Names, please?
Murphy and Avery Brown.
Sorry. You're not
on the list.
Go ahead, sweetheart.
Listen, Shmuck Rogers,
My son wants to go
to his best friend's party.
What are you
going to do about it?
What was your name again?
Murphy Brown!
Oh, yeah, now I know
who you are.
You're not on the list.
Aw, geez!
Klaatu barada nikto,
Ms. Secretary General.
We come in peace,
Mr. Ambassador.
Hey, Dottie,
can I have some more
of that delicious lemonade?
You mean space juice.
Whatever you call it.
It's out of this world.
(both laugh)
But seriously,
could you respond
to the allegations
levelled against you by FYI?
Well, this really isn't
the time or place.
But, Tom, I suppose
it's no secret
That I've poured all of my efforts,
into the Minaputongan River Valley Relief
Which is why I invited a
genuine Minaputongan family,
To join us for Harrison's
fifth birthday party.
Oh, Dottie,
you have such a big heart.
Oh, I want you to meet
Patan Ganang
and Hwang Ganang.
Hwang's a real sweetheart
But if he stares at you,
look away
Or he'll think
you're challenging him.
Oh! Excuse me, kids!
And that, Avery
Is why Mommy always
keeps wire cutters
and a grappling hook
in the trunk of her car.
Come on, Mommy.
Let's go on one of the rides!
Okay, but first we have
to look for Harrison's mommy.
I think I see her.
She's over there.
Great. We'll go over here.
Dottie:
Murphy.
Avery, why don't you and Harrison
go play on the moonbounce?
Since the rules
of our time out are
That we don't see
each other
until you're prepared
to apologize,
I can only assume that
that's why you're here.
You wish.
The only reason I'm here
is because my son wanted
to come to your son's birthday party.
Not that seeing
you wrapped up
like a frozen veal chop
wasn't worth
the car ride over.
You know, that doesn't sound
like an apology, Murphy.
And since it wasn't,
I don't think you
should be here.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have moonbounce duty.
Great.
Look, Dottie
you're not going to be
getting an apology from me.
I mean, just because
our kids are friends
doesn't mean we have to be.
Well, if that's
the way you feel,
then I'm not sure
I want Harrison playing
with a son of yours.
In fact, I'm sure I don't.
Oh, for God's sake!
Okay, fine.
If this is what it takes
to keep our kids together,
then maybe I'm not
completely unapologetic.
I'm sorry, Murphy.
That's not enough.
Oh, come on, Dottie.
I was practically
grovelling there.
You know the magic words
that I want to hear.
It startw with "I'm..."
Second word has five letters.
First letter "s..."
Okay, I'm sorry!
There, I said it.
Are you happy now?
Oh, of course I'm happy!
I'm so glad
our time out is over.
Now, we'll never have
to be apart again!
Great. Never be apart.
Let me out of here.
Hey, honey,
are you having a good time?
Mommy, I want to go home.
What? Why?
Harrison's mean.
I don't like him anymore.
I thought you said
he was your best friend.
No. He took my candy.
Really? So you're saying
you don't want to play
with Harrison anymore?
No!
You never want
to see him again?
No!
Just so there's
no misunderstanding,
You want Harrison Wilcox,
son of Dottie Wilcox,
completely out of your life?
Uh-hmm.
Okay, why don't you go
grab a few party favors?
Mommy needs a second.
Oh, Dottie.
Murphy, I was just thinking
Have you ever been
to a mud bath?
Because I know a great place
we can go this weekend.
We'll just share a big tub
and giggle like school girls.
That won't be happening, Dottie,
Because as I've
been trying to tell you
we're not friends.
We never were friends.
And you know what?
We will never be friends.
Oh, oh, oh. I get it.
You have to protect
your "tough girl" image.
Oh, don't worry!
Yous secret's safe with me.
No, you don't get it.
I'm taking my
apology back.
Well, it's too late.
You can't have it back.
I'm going to take it
and put it in my pocket.
Now that
our friendship's
bee tested,
it's unbreakable.
and we're surrounded
by an invisible
force field of love.
Oh, no. That can't be.
I can be pretty mean,
you know.
Oh!
(laughs)
Oh, Murphy.
I can be pretty mean,
too, you know.
(laughs)
Now, you're really
ticking me off.
You're really
ticking me off, too!
Oh, you little...
You have to be able to
get up before you can
give it to me.
(laughing)
I hate to be a party pooper
But it's time to light the
candles on the cake. See ya!
(laughing)
This isn't over, Dottie.
Do you hear me?
What are you
staring at, kid?
Murphy:
Ow!