07x03 - Grand Opening

[bunniefuu]

♪ You take the good,
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin'
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ Then suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of
life are all about ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪♪

♪ Don't slow down, yeah ♪

♪ City traffic's
movin' way too slow ♪

♪ Wrap the pedal and go... ♪

That's good, andy.
That's real good.

Oh, no, you're
drifting. I'm losing bass.

What?

More bass!

Hey, andy, you sure you
know what you're doing?

It must be the
antenna on the roof.

I'll go check it out.

Just be careful up there.

Hey, not to worry... I've been
doing this since I was a kid.

I've been huffing and puffing
on this thing for 20 minutes.

How about taking a turn,
tootie? I'm seeing stars.

Where is your button,
the one I made for you,

The one with the happy
face that says, "hi, I'm nat"?

I know what it says. I told you,
I'm not wearing a happy face.

This is a friendly store. The customer
needs to know who he's dealing with.

He'll be able to read
your button and say,

"Hey, nat, I'd like to see
that back scratcher over"

Or, "say, nat, those chinese
handcuffs look nice."

Are you gonna blow on this?

Blow on it yourself.

And don't take off that button.

Hi, girls.

Hey, mrs. G.

Well, it's 15 minutes
till our grand opening.

Oh, don't remind me.

I repaired the cr*ck in my sign.

Yeah, what are
you gonna do with?

Well, I'm gonna
leave it in my area.

It's always brought
me good luck.

Oh, sure, the fire could
have been a lot worse.

Mrs. Garrett, you're not
wearing your sweatshirt.

Or your button.

Well, I tried the shirt
on, it just wasn't me

Mrs. Garrett, we're going
for a certain look here.

Something that says "today."

Oh, well, I was hoping
this outfit did say "today."

Or at least "recent"?

I'll hide behind something
so I don't ruin the ambiance.

Don't be silly.

Keep her behind the counter.

Well, are we ready to open?

12 Minutes and counting.

Ohh. Don't mind me.

I'll just be unconscious.

Hey, wait a minute...
Blair's tina turner outfits

Haven't come in yet.

I called, they said the
truck would be here by 10:00.

Tina turner. I like her.

She's my age.

I asked myself, "who's
hot? Who's now?"

Tina... She has her own line of
clothes that she designed herself.

A singer and a seamstress?

Where does she find the time?

Oh... The record section
looks so organized.

See, I've got the
golden oldies here

New releases here.

Surf punks, talking heads.

Oingo boingo.

And after you purchase an
armload of your favorite lps,

You step this way.

You got the occasion,
I got the card.

"Good luck on your divorce."

"Congratulations
on your new porsche."

"Hope your facelift
gave you a lift."

Oh, I remember when they used
to say things like "happy birthday."

And, after you pick out a card,

You take a stroll.

Over our heads is a
place of moods, of whimsy.

At first, nothing
really grabs you.

Then... It's a pen
with a fish on it.

It's hot.

A pen shaped like a carp is hot?

Sizzling.

Hi, george, gotta
go. No time to talk.

Put your papers on the counter.

I just wanted to wish you girls
luck, see if you need any help.

Well, actually, you can
hand out a few circulars.

Hey, I don't have to put these on
people's windshield wipers, do i?

I hate that when
people do that to my car.

I get mad, I crumple it up, but I
can't throw it on the ground

'Cause I don't want to be a
litterbug... You know what I mean.

So I put it in my pocket.
I forget about it.

I toss the jeans in the
washer, it clogs the filter.

Next thing you know, I got
a guy from sears, 75 bucks.

Hand out the circulars.

Ok, but I'm not putting them

Under anybody's
windshield wipers.

Hi, george.

Ok, tootie, I think
I've got it knocked.

Take your position. All right.

Hit it.

Hey, you trying to pick
up radio free europe?

Andy, hurry, we
open in five minutes!

I'll get it, I'll get it.

Hey, girls, we got a live one.

That must be my truck driver.

Ohh, right, all truck
drivers wear tights.

This is otto.

He's the performance
artist I hired for the opening.

Performance artist?

I found him at one of those avant-garde
art galleries in soho... You'll love him.

Excuse me, natalie, but, uh,

What exactly does otto do?

Wait, I think he's getting
ready to perform now.

There!

Brilliant, bravo!

What did he do?

Uhh! He's creating art.

He's sitting.

Yes, but at the same
time, he's making a comment

On what it means to sit.

He's challenging us to
re-examine our entire relationship

With furniture.

That is what you're
doing, isn't it?

Do I know my art or what?

Oh, natalie, for our opening?

No, for the whole week!

I got a student rate.

Well, I guess all that's
left to do is open the doors.

Well, wait a minute.

Mrs. Garrett... Huh?

Don't you have something to say?

Don't you have anything
prepared for the occasion?

Oh, no, I'm sorry, i...

Ok, ok, I'll handle it.

Today, we give birth
to a new business.

A new baby, if you will.

Tootie, I think we have
our first customer.

A newborn needs
plenty of nurturing.

The same can be said
for an infant business.

Tootie, he looks like
a serious customer.

When the child cries he
needs care and comfort.

But what do you do when
your business gets colic?

Would you wait?!

Oh, come on, tootie, send
the kid to college already

And open the door!

Hi!

My name is tootie.

Oh. And what can I
do for you today?

I'm sorry to bother you.
I just want some change.

Tootie, if the gentleman
wants some change...

I'm sorry, no change.

It's against store policy.

We've only been
open for a minute.

We don't have any policies.

It's our grand opening.

Oh, well, then, by all means,

Let me be your first customer.

Well, we have a wide assortment

Of novelties, records, t-shirts.

Yeah, actually, my granddaughter

Would like one of these.

Very popular item.

Oh, that'll be 75 cents, please.

Don't you just love that sound?

Right this way.
I'll ring you up.

And the neat thing is,

It writes even when the
gills are upside down.

Gee, that's great, jo.

Can we see that again?

Yeah!

Thank you very much.

Whew! These customers
are running me ragged.

I'm selling, I'm ringing,
I'm fitting, I'm wrapping.

So how about you guys?

Don't gloat, blair.

Of course not.

We're all in this together.

We're all just trying to give
the public what they want.

I happen to think they
want fashionable clothing.

You think they want
to write with a fish.

Does he have to keep doing that?

He's making a statement.
He's trying to say that life,

Like a balloon, is fragile.

So is his employment.

Oh!

Oh, look, two customers at once.

It's our first crowd.

Hello. Welcome to our new store.

Ruth here's been telling me
all about your fantastic quiche.

Oh, I'm sorry, we
don't sell quiche.

Really? We used to sell quiche

When we were edna's edibles.

I'm edna. Ohh...

Well, we still have
many fine items.

We have... We have fish pens,

Oversized sunglasses.

A full line of gumby
paraphernalia.

Underwear with funny sayings.

Your quiches were
out of this world.

Oh, thank you.

There were over 50
different varieties.

Ahem!

But fish pens are a popular
alternative to quiche.

Maybe for some people.

Well, I have a new line now.

Chocolate chip cookies.

Oh, they're from
an old family recipe.

Try some, go
ahead. On the house.

Thank you.

Hello! Well!

Look who's back.

Oh, see? We framed your dollar.

Oh, that's nice.

Makes me feel funny about this,

But I actually... I'm here to
exchange the doll I bought.

It's defective.

Defective? Mm-hmm.

See, one of its arms is missing.

Well, that's strange.

It had both arms
when it left here.

Well, all I know is when
I got home it was gone.

Well, arms don't just fall off.

Well, what are
you doing, tootie?

Accusing the guy
of kewpie doll fraud?

Of course. I'm sorry, here...

Pick out another
doll of your choice.

And double-check the limbs.

Excuse me, ladies.

May I help you?

Well, maybe.

Yes, what is this?

Uh, that's... That's a, uh...

What did you... What did
you call that earlier, jo?

That? Oh, well.

That has many uses.

Wow! Have you ever
seen anything like this?

No, and I've
traveled extensively.

I'm sure it would be a welcome
addition to any rumpus room.

And look at the price.
A steal at half that.

I tell you, my christmas
gift-buying worries are over.

Well, we'll think about it.

She'll be back.

Unfortunately, we'll
be a parking lot by then.

There's something
strange about that guy.

Yeah, he's shopping here.

No, look at the way he's
fingering the merchandise.

I think he's a shoplifter.

Jo, is he a shoplifter?

How do I know?

Excuse me, is there
something I can help you with?

Detective phillips.

New york department
of investigation.

Oh... Is something wrong?

There's a problem with these.

I know. They're 35% polyester.

People seem to want them anyway.

Tina turner never
authorized the clothing line.

They're hot?

Bogus.

Oh, I don't believe it.

I'll need the bill of sale.

Oh, are you sure they're fake?

Mm-hmm.

Here's the receipt.

Which one of you
is edna garrett?

I'm edna garrett.

Well, I'm gonna have to
take you and the clothing

Down to our office
for questioning.

Not downtown?

Downtown.

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Cherish the love ♪

♪ Cherish the love ♪

♪ Cherish the love ♪

♪ Cherish the love ♪

Daybreak.

Nightfall.

Winter frost.

And demons in your mind.

Let me take a cr*ck at this.

The clothes are a
metaphor for poetry,

Able to withstand

The disharmony of
literary criticism.

I think the jerk's
doing his laundry.

I wish I'd been here when
mrs. Garrett was arrested.

How could the police
make a mistake like this?

Can't they see they've
got the wrong person?

That's the guy they
should have arrested.

She's probably in a
holding t*nk right now,

Sitting on the floor,
rapping with other cons.

What's going to happen to her?

She'll talk to them. They'll
tell her their problems.

Two hours later,
they'll be rehabilitated

And back on the street.

This was all my fault.

I'm the one that found
the crooked supplier.

You know, I thought
it was a little odd

That he was dealing
out of a van by the wharf.

How can you be so gullible?

Manny said he was legit.

Most legitimate suppliers
don't keep asking you

If you're wearing a body mike.

Hello.

Uh-oh, it's that guy again.

Natalie, you handle
him. I'm out of it.

Hello, sir.

This doll is defective, too.

There's that word again.

Well, I'm sorry,
but, as you can see,

One of its eyes fell out.

Oh, gross!

Well, I can't give it to my
granddaughter in this condition.

Oh, the man's right, tootie.

This will give the
kid nightmares.

How did this happen?

Are you using this doll

For purposes it wasn't intended?

Of course not.

I'm sure this one won't
cause you any problems.

We'll just put it through
a little table top test.

Excuse me.

There. Put it in a bag, tootie.

Oh, mrs. Garrett!

Ohh, mrs. G, how you doing?

You're free.

Please, please, it's not
like I was on devil's island.

What happened?

Well, I answered their questions

And they let me go.

I would have been home
sooner if it hadn't been

For an unpaid parking
ticket on my car.

Oops.

Girls, there's something
I have to say to you.

Go ahead. As you can see,

We're not too busy to listen.

While I was down at
the police station,

I did some thinking, and, um...

Oh, well, I know
this sounds crazy.

And I should have said something
to you a month ago and...

I think we should sell the shop.

This shop?

This shop.

You may have noticed, I'm
not exactly comfortable

In our new setting.

And I've had this feeling,

And it... It just won't go away.

I don't think peekskill's
gonna go for over our heads.

Oh, come on, mrs. G. The
place just seems different.

Underneath, it's a
normal, everyday business

Like the general store.

Flee, flee, child of the devil!

Death is upon us.

Ok.

Oh, you girls have
worked so hard

To get this shop on its feet.

Well, we wanted
to. We asked for it.

Oh, yes, but would
you have asked for it

If I hadn't lost my shop?

Now, I want you girls to get
your money out while you can.

Right now, we have a salable
business, but if we wait...

Mrs. Garrett, we can't open
and close on the same day.

Actually, broadway
shows do it all the time.

Well, they do.

Well, I won't make
a decision for you.

We'll all talk about it later.

I just have this feeling.

I don't believe this.

"Grant me the serenity

"To accept the things
I cannot change...

"The courage to
change the things I can...

And the wisdom to
know the difference."

Where did you hear that?

It's on that plaque over there.

Well, it was always
a risky venture.

There'll be one good
thing about closing down.

We'll get to fire otto.

Let's hurry.

Thank you for shopping
at over our heads,

And have a nice
day, you vultures.

Animals. One of them
tried to buy my shoes.

How much is this?

A dollar.

I'll give you a nickel.

I know the stuff is on sale,
but we are not giving it away.

A dime then.

The packaging alone cost that.

15 Cents.

It's my final offer.

Lady, you're robbing me.

You're taking the
food out of my mouth!

Okay, 25 cents.
Take it or leave it.

All right. 25 Cents.

I don't know how
you sleep at night.

I'm really getting into this.

I ought to work
at a used car lot.

How much is that shirt?

$10.

I'll give you $2.00.

I don't understand.

I'm bargaining.

I'm sorry. I don't do that.

She did.

She's also been known to
shave her legs in the dining room.

I have not.

Hello!

Oh, miss!

Ahh!

I was wondering...

Please, don't say anything.

Here, here's your dollar.

We're just a small store.

We don't want any trouble.

Here's your dollar.
Keep the frame.

No, miss, there's nothing
wrong with the merchandise.

I'm back because
my granddaughter

Said her dolly
needs a best friend.

A best friend?

Sorry.

Here, I know just the dolly.

All right, single
file, please, people.

Keep it tight. I don't
want to have to get ugly.

Where do you keep
getting these people?

Garage sales.

Sorry.

These people are
willing to buy anything.

Watch.

All right, I am holding
here a coffee cup

With a picture of
tony curtis on it.

Tony curtis, the
star. Who wants it?

Start your mornings
with tony curtis.

Two bucks.

Sold. Pay the lady.

Piece of cake.

Excuse me.

But are you really closing down?

Or is this a sales gimmick?

I'm afraid we really
are closing down.

Oh, that's too bad.

Your cookies are
the best I ever tasted.

Well, thank you.

They're almost as good
as the cookies made

By that famous black man.

Mm-hmm.

Well, what a nice
thing for you to say.

You know, we may not
be too good at openings,

But when we decide
to close a place...

Well, looks like we moved
quite a bit of merchandise,

But not this.

I couldn't sell it. I
couldn't even give it away.

George, why don't you
take it off our hands?

Only if you can
tell me what it is.

A weather vane? Timepiece?

Walkman.

Are you sure?

All right, I gotta go.

I'm sorry things
didn't work out.

You know, I'll miss...

Uh... I mean, who
knew... Maybe if...

You know what I mean.

You know, we didn't
do too badly here.

We are, as of this minute,

$500 In the black.

Yeah! All right!

Excuse me. Uh, you are edna?

See, now he knows
who he's dealing with.

Edna, my name is joel kramer.

Your real estate
agent sent me over.

I might be interested
in buying this property.

Oh, my, you move fast.

We just decided to
sell a couple hours ago.

Another vulture.

Edna, I'm prepared to offer
you 50% of what you paid.

Yeah, this guy's been
perched on the roof.

50%? You gotta be kidding.

And you are who?

Jo polniaczek,
student, entrepreneur,

Part owner of this business
you're trying to rip off.

Jo, calm.

All the girls own a
share of the business.

How enterprising.

50%, Mr. Kramer,
is not a fair offer.

I was going to offer 40
and let you talk me into 50,

But I decided, why play games?

Maybe the real estate agent
gave you the wrong impression.

It's not as if we're in
a desperate situation.

You're having a grand opening
and a going-out-of-business sale

On the same day... Come on.

Excuse me, where
can I try this on?

Right around the corner.

Look, I see what happened here.

You gals got together,

And decided it would
be fun to open a business.

And then you realized you
were way over your heads.

Hey! He got the over
our heads connection.

You know, we didn't
think anybody...

For your information, I've had a
great deal of business experience.

I assure you, much thought and
preparation went into what you see here.

A lot of thought went into this?

Don't touch it unless
you plan to buy it.

Hey, I am trying to
do you gals a favor.

Thank you for
coming by, mr. Kramer.

A month from now,
you'll be begging me

To take this place
off your hands.

Or we might be celebrating

Our one-month anniversary sale.

Now, mrs. G, calm.

You know how we "gals" are.

We might just decide to stay
in business for the fun of it.

Here's a dime.

When you lose your
collective shirts, call me.

That's it! Uh, you
better take off, kramer.

What's she gonna do?

No telling. She lived on a farm.

She could hurt people. Right.

Bye.

Why did you stop me?

'Cause I didn't want
you to go to jail again.

What was that you
were saying about

A one-month anniversary sale?

Oh, I don't know.

Mm, I heard something. So did i.

I saw the twinkle.

What twinkle?

You know, the one you get

When you're about to
take on a new challenge.

That was no twinkle.

The chrome in this place
is causing me to twitch.

It's not that I don't
like this place.

There's that twinkle.

Somebody fit this
woman for a sweat shirt.

Excuse me. What is this?

Uh... Well...

Uh, people have been
talking about that all day.

It's a... Planter.

Yes! Topsoil here.

Nice fern on top.

Oh, it'll look great
in your rumpus room.

Oh, really? How much?

Well, it's specially priced...

For our grand opening.

I'll take it.

Say, you look like a woman
who's into oingo boingo.

Let me show you something.

I got a few little records here

That I think would
really fit your style.

Take a look here, sweetie. See?