09x23 - The Beginning of the End

[bunniefuu]

♪ You take the good
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growin'
now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be livin' up
to your dreams ♪

♪ And suddenly
you're findin' out ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ All about you ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're learnin'
the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

♪ Learnin' the facts of life ♪

Jo, here's an apartment
for you and rick.

"Cozy one bedroom.
Security building."

Yeah, I saw that one.

All that's left from
the previous tenant

Is a chalk outline on the floor.

What about this place, jo?

Two brs, one ba, new
dwa... Oh, forget it.

It doesn't have
any crpts or drps.

Jeff and I were talking about

The kind of place
we'd like to have.

He said he didn't care

As long as I was there.

And I said I wanted three
bedrooms and a den.

Hey guys, is it ok to take
these things to soho?

When I move melon-baller?

Sure.

Turkey baster?

You got it.

Microwave, stereo, tv?

You don't ask, you don't get.

I just heard the
most depressing news,

I've ever heard
in my entire life.

Eastland's gone broke.

Oh. Oh.

Our old school is closing.

Yeah. Pippa told us.

I'm going to go to the
supermarket and get some boxes.

Oh, could you pick
up some things for me?

I need wheat germ, bean
curd, tofu, drain cleaner...

Oh, I'll just go with you.

Ok. Bye, guys.

Bye.

Oh, this one sounds promising.

Fireplace, beam
ceilings, $450 a month.

Must speak fluent chinese.

Hi. Hi.

You poor child.

You must be so upset
about eastland closing.

Yeah, 200 girls leaving town.

This is not my idea
of a fun puberty.

I was talking to pippa.

Well, I'm a bit down,

But I guess, I'll just have to
transfer to another school.

They'll probably tear it down
and put up something stupid

Like a shopping mall.

How big a mall?

No! No! Eastland
was my second home.

I'm not going to accept
this without a fight.

Doesn't anybody care
about our alma mater?

I care.

Good. Then you're with me?

Oh, a 100%,

Or until I might
have to leave town.

Whichever comes first.

Leaving town? Why?

I can't tell you.

Oh, that sounds like a
perfectly good reason.

Well, I'm with you blair.

It'd be great if I could
stay at eastland.

I've made heaps of mates there.

Yeah. Anything you can
do to keep 200 love bunnies

In my zip code would
be greatly appreciated.

Don't worry pippa.

I'm going to keep eastland
open no matter what it takes.

No matter how much I have
to personally sacrifice.

What you're gonna do?

I'm going to call my daddy
and have him buy the school.

Princess... I'm
going to use a word

You've never heard
from me before.

No.

No?

It means... I know
what it means.

Daddy, saving eastland
is really important to me.

Then you should be the
one to do something about it.

I will. I'll take
full responsibility.

Just write me a check.

No!

Twice in one day?

Taking full responsibility
means using your own money.

I don't have any.

Just grandmother's trust fund.

Ooh! I think we
just struck money.

I was saving that
to open my law firm.

Fine. Then forget
about saving the school.

Eastland is more than a school.

It's been a part of our
family for five generations.

It's been a part of me.

Princess...

You have to decide what
matters to you more...

Starting your own law
firm or saving the school.

I want to do both.

Well that's the trouble
with being an adult

You have to make
some rough choices.

Buying eastland would
clean out my entire trust fund.

Probably.

It's my security blanket.

I know.

And you won't
help me a little bit?

Not a cent.

Would pouting help?

I'm pouting.

I'm shaking my head.

You really mean that?

Yes, I do.

Let me get this straight.

You took every cent
you had in the world

And you used it to
buy a bankrupt school?

And now you want a
loan to keep it running?

That's correct.

Ha-ha-ha-ha

The guys in new accounts
put you up to this?

Mr. Payne, it's just till I can

Turn things into a
positive cash flow.

I'll pay you back, I promise.

You promise?

Cross your heart
and hope to die?

I'm serious about this.

You see, I have a
personal involvement.

I was a student at eastland.

Really?

My daughter ashley goes there.

And I'm the chairman of
the board of trustees.

Wonderful.

Then you'll approve the loan.

As a father and a
trustee, the answer is yes.

As a banker, the answer
is when donkeys fly.

I need that money.

Miss warner... Look
at this application.

Current occupation...
Law student.

Do you know anyone
of substantial means

Who would cosign this loan?

No.

No?

Miss warner?

If you're suggesting, I'd
bring my father into this,

Then you can forget it.

I'm here on my own.

Then we can't do business.

If you'll excuse me.

Mr. Payne, when my
father was my age,

He applied for a loan.

One banker turned him down.

Another gave it to him.

One of those bankers
is very rich today.

This is multiple choice.

Loan approved.

But you'd better
not miss a payment.

Hello, mrs. Grisbee.

I'm busy.

I'd like to see the
headmaster, please.

Name?

Blair warner.

Wrong. The headmaster's
name is abner morehead.

Come back when
you're better prepared.

No. I'm blair warner.

You must remember me.

Why?

Yes, mr. Morehead?

Is anyone waiting out there?

Terry and jennifer.

Terry cut classes again,

And jennifer... You
have to see to believe.

Now, what can I do for you?

I told you I'd like to
talk to mr. Morehead.

Have a seat,
I'll see if he's in.

You just spoke to him.

Now I remember you.

Blair warner...

Real pushy, wore
too much makeup.

That's right.

Park it on the bench.

Hi.

Hi.

I used to go to eastland.

That must've been
a long time ago.

What do you think,
did I over-boob?

Well, it's not the
size that counts.

It's just getting them to point

In the same general direction.

Grisbee?

Terry, where is
the love of my life?

In with mushhead.

Jennifer, jennifer,
give me a break.

The volleyball team is
running out of socks.

It's no fun being the only
girl with a training bra...

And nothing to train.

Hello.

Hello.

What sort of trouble are you in?

No. I'm here to see
mr. Mushhead... Morehead.

I see. You must be applying
for a teacher's position, right?

Well, don't do it.

The school's been bought
by some airhead debutante.

Mr. Morehead will see you now.

Thanks so much.

If she gets hired, put her
parking spot next to mine.

Mr. Morehead?

Yes? What is it?

What are you doing?

Packing my personal belongings.

Hand me that lamp,
would you please?

Mr. Morehead,
eastland isn't closing.

I've bought the school.

I'm gonna keep it open.

Oh, that's great
news. What a relief.

See if you can unplug
that phone, would you?

You're leaving anyway?

Miss warner, 25 years ago,

I came here as a
substitute teacher.

I never left.

Now it's someone else's turn
to deal with the headaches.

Think this carpet's nailed down?

I need someone
to run this place.

Uh-huh.

Mr. Morehead,

Jeremiah eastland wouldn't
have left his school in the lurch.

Jeremiah eastland
d*ed at his desk.

I'm going fishing.

You can't leave.

Just stay six months.

Three months. You
can't do this to me.

I hate to seem
contrary, but yes, I can.

Mr. Morehead...
Don't talk to me.

Talk to the new owner.

Well, good luck with the kids.

Oh, and remember my motto...

Stick it to them before
they stick it to you.

Well, new owner,

Terry and jennifer
are still waiting,

And you have complaining parents

On lines one, two, and three.

I don't have a phone.

Nice touch.

These are for you.

Thank you. What are they?

Bills.

Fine. When are they due?

I'll give you a clue.

The one on top has
a 10-cent stamp on it.

Grisbee, where's the airhead
who bought the school...

Going to turn up?

You bought the school?

Blair warner. Airhead debutante.

It's even worse than I thought.

Wes mitchell.

Mr. Mitchell, what
do you do here,

Besides being a sock man?

I'm head of the
science department...

Actually, I'm the entire
science department.

Did you ever own
a school before?

No, but I've been to several.

Well, you're going
to need some help.

And you're going
to give it to me?

Yeah. That's right.
That's the kind of guy I am.

I like to help out everyone.

Stray cats, lost children, all
sorts of helpless creatures.

Gee. I'm the same way.

I'm close to tears every
time I see a dumb animal.

Excuse me.

You know, miss warner,
when I first walked in here,

I didn't think I was
going to like you.

Go away.

Miss warner?

Yes? Hi.

My name is eve brinkerhoff.

Eve, huh?

Uh, won't you have a seat, eve?

Eve: thank you.

So tell me eve, what
can I do for you?

I'd like to enter eastland.

I think that can be arranged.

Of course, before
we can admit you,

We do require a physical.

Physical?

It's a pretty simple one...

Just want to make sure
everything's there and working.

Could you just
take my word for it?

Now, don't be modest.

Mrs. Grisbee, send
in nurse crachit

And tell her to scrub.

Wait! I'm not a girl, I'm a boy!

My name is adam.

In that case, you've
flunked our physical.

Now if you'll excuse
me. I'm very busy.

Wait a minute. I
still want to enter.

Adam! There must be some
other way to meet girls.

Hahahaha.

Do I look like a kind of guy

Who have a hard
time meeting girls?

Why are you doing this?

Because I've been kicked
out of every school

In upstate new york.

You gotta help me.

Beside, it's either this or the
alexander haig m*llitary academy.

Say hello to the general for me.

I'm not gonna give up.

My father says I'm a
persistent little son.

Your father should have
finished the sentence. Goodbye.

Hello mr. Payne, I'm here.

Hey, sorry for the short notice.

I felt it was necessary

To call an emergency
meeting of the board.

Don't apologize. I'll get
my nails done tomorrow.

Miss warner,

As you know you're responsible
to this board of trustees.

I know. Hello, everybody.

No small talk. I like that.

Just heard about
mr. Morehead's resignation.

So now you have no headmaster.

The faculty's
gone over the wall.

And as far as the enrollment
for the summer semester,

I've more people at
my cousin's wedding.

That's because people
thought eastland was closing.

But now that I've bought
it, we can move forward.

I'll hire a new headmaster,

I'll replace the teachers,

And enrollment will pick up.

And how do you propose
to attract more students?

I've been doing some research.

And many schools are
giving family discounts.

We can't afford discounts.

We need every cent we
can get our hands on.

All right. Then we'll
raise the tuition.

What would it take to bring us

To break even with our
current enrollment?

We'll have to charge
each student $28,000.

That wasn't hard.
Shall we adjourn?

Here's the deal.

This school is gonna be history

Unless you get more
students in here.

More students.

Yup.

And it doesn't
matter who they are?

No. Anybody who
can pay tuition is fine.

Hey, this is a school.

They can learn to read
after they get here.

Boys.

What?

We'll enroll boys.

It's absolutely
out of the question.

What about the
century of tradition?

The way I see it, we either
open eastland's doors to boys

Or we close them forever.

There must be another solution.

Alright. The floor is open
for suggestions. Anybody?

Good idea. We'll admit boys.

Ok, miss warner.
It's your decision,

But you'd better be right.

Thank you very
much mr. Plimpton,

But running a canine
obedience school

Is not enough experience
for a headmaster.

I'll see you out.

Stay!

Send in another one.

Hi. Heel!

Jo, am I glad to see you.

Does that tell you what
kind of a day I'm having?

Hey, I came to visit you.

Does that tell you what
kind of a day I'm having?

Look at you. Office,
desk, secretary...

You're almost middle class.

Now if I can only
find a headmaster

Who doesn't have a prison record

Or wear his mother's clothes.

Miss warner, jennifer's
playing her trumpet

While I'm trying to study.

Well, she keep on studying
while I'm trying to practice.

See. Why don't you
try studying with that!

Blair, you're in
charge. Do something.

Uh...

Children, don't fight.

We're not fighting, but
I've got band practice.

Ok, you play the thing again,

I'm going to wrap it
around your little neck.

I have it! I have it!

Sara, you go study in your room.

Jennifer, go practice in yours.

We room together.

Kids won. Blair, zip.

Look... Jo and I room together,

And even although
we sometimes do things

That annoy each other,
we find ways to work it out.

Like jo snores.

I do not!

Oh come on sometimes you
sound like smoky the bear!

Oh? Oh? What about you,

Twirling your hair
when you read?

She can sit for
hours twirling away.

This is all very interesting,

But what am I suppose
to do about my practicing?

And my studying.

Practicing! Studying!

Practice! Practice! Practicing!

Girls!

You go study in the library.

You take those socks out
and stuff them in your trumpet.

She's ok.

Let's go, let the
air out of her tires.

That's why I need a headmaster
to deal with these things.

It seems to me you
just dealt with them.

Yeah. I did, didn't i?

Stop that.

Phone monitor!

I got it! I got it!

Eastland dorm.

Our answering
machine is out of order.

This is a real live
person speaking.

Phone call for ashley payne!

Jennifer, I don't suppose

It's a courtesy to ask
who was on the phone?

It's tom cruise.

He says he'll die if
you don't marry him.

That's very funny, jennifer.

By the way jen, what's
new in chest land, huh?

Anything?

Ashley payne.

I bet you shortened her
name from "pain in the butt."

You're just jealous

'Cause ashley has
bigger boobs than you do.

My grandmother says,
well brought up ladies

Don't call them that.

What do you call them?

Hooters.

How do you spell vomitorium?

What are you writing?

A letter home asking them
to spring me from this place.

Again? You know, they
want you to be here.

Maybe they'll feel sorry for me

If I enclose last
night's dinner.

Excuse me, I hate to
interrupt this meeting

Of the doofus club.

But I just heard that
some boys from havenhurst

Are going to be
transferring here.

Great. Preppies,

Once you guys whose
last name is "the third."

Ah, yes. The girls' dorm.

It's coming back to me now.

The faint aroma of hair spray

And grape bubble gum.

Hey, terry, did you meet blair?

I mean, miss warner.

Yeah.

That's a lovely
sweater you're wearing.

It has a hole in it.

Hello, pippa. Is this your mum?

No, ashley, this is blair
warner, the new owner.

Blair, this is ashley payne.

Pleased to meet you.

Yeah. My father, your banker,

Told me all about you.

Look here's the deal.
You need to be nice to me.

I'm glad you pointed that out.

Otherwise, it may
never have happened.

Yeah, well, you
see, miss warner,

My father just hates
it when I'm unhappy,

And somehow, he always
seems to find out about it.

Ciao.

Don't mind ashley.

Even her friends don't like her.

She has friends?

Hello, pippa.

Photosynthesis making
any sense to you lately?

I think that's a
hint to go study.

I'll see you later.

Might that be a good
idea for the rest of you?

Well, why don't we sing a medley

Of inspirational folk songs?

So... How is it going?

Warner you're ready to throw
in the monogrammed towel yet?

Would you mind
telling me exactly

What it is, you have against me?

Well, curfew's do
in a couple of hours,

But I think I'll give
you an overview.

Ooh. Overview.

Three syllables. Very good.

Let's not get all
bent out of shape.

Actually, I like you.

So why don't you sell
the school to someone

Who knows what he is doing
and give me your phone number.

You really know how to
pour on the charm, don't you?

Look, if you don't
like my being here,

Then why don't you just leave.

Because, I would
like to see this school

Undergo a transition...

From being what it was
to being what it could be.

And I think what it
could be is better.

So do i.

Well, good.

Let's have dinner.

Mr. Mitchell I'm afraid this
just isn't going to work out.

I'm going to have to ask
you... I have a contract.

Grudgingly cooperate.

You know you and I will
get along a lot better

Once we have a new headmaster.

If you ever get
together enough find one.

I've got a memo for you, mister.

As of right now, we
have a new headmaster.

Me.

You?

Faculty meeting thursday.

Don't be late.

Eastland! We are here!

Hey, where are the girls?
You said there would be girls.

Trust me man. Trust
me. They are here.

Hey, miss warner, hi.

Adam. I see you've
changed your clothes.

Hi, I'm beldon glover.

I've got some posters to put up.

Where are the rooms?

Upstairs.

Let's go!

I think congratulations
are in order.

Thank you.

You've been headmaster
exactly 30 seconds,

And you've just
instructed the boys

To sleep in the same
rooms as the girls.