05x30 - When You Go to a Funeral for the First Time, You're Surprised By How Happy the People Are

[bunniefuu]

The beloved owner of the local restaurant will be sorely missed by everyone.

That is why this episode of Gintama will be a solemn and dignified affair.

Closed during this period of mourning.- Restaurant Owner

Gin Our condolences.

A I'm so glad everyone from Odd Jobs came to see him off.

Gin Don't say that.

Gin We owe him too much to skip his funeral.

A You're too kind...

Shin No, your husband would still feed us when we were completely broke.

Kagura I loved his sukonbu on rice.

Gin It's so sad...

Gin I'll never get to try his Uji Kintoki on rice again.

A Stop it. This isn't like you.

A You all know that he hated it when people were gloomy.

A We should send him off with a smile, in honor of his fun-loving ways.

A I'm sure that's what he would want.

Gin You're right...

Gin Sorry about that.

When You Go to a Funeral for the First Time,You're Surprised By How Happy the People Are

Shin A lot of people came.

Gin Yeah.

Gin Just goes to show how good of a person he was.

Gin There aren't many restaurants that serve food tailored to each customer.

Gin He didn't make much money,

Gin but it earned him something that money could never buy...

Toshi Owner!

Toshi Why? Why did you have to die so soon?

Toshi Why?!

Kondo Toshi, calm down.

Kondo His spirit is watching us.

Toshi Owner, your body may have perished,

Toshi but the taste of your Hijikata Special will never die!

Shin I see some familiar faces...

Gin Right...

Gin He also used to come here.

Shin Uh, Gin-san?

Shin Please don't start a fight here.

Toshi A tragic loss...

Gin Yeah, another one of Edo's treasures has been lost.

Shin What?

Shin Why are they behaving themselves today?

Kagura They must be really hurting.

Kondo The owner was one of the few people

Kondo who was able to understand their bizarre sense of taste.

Kondo We should be respectful of their wishes.

A Namo Amita Buddha Namo Amita Buddha

A Nammy Amita Buddha

A Jam Amita Buddha Sam Amita Buddha...

Shin The monk is kind of fooling around.

Shin I hope he doesn't get hit by lightning.

A Nemo Amigo Budapest

A NAFTA Amsterdam Budweiser...

Shin Ow! What are you doing, Gin-san?!

Gin Hey, look!

Gin Over there! Look!

Shin What do you mean?

Gin No, over there!

Gin Look at that!

Shin Could you pipe down?

Shin Don't make a scene!

Gin No, no, no! Look at that!

Gin Just look!

Kagura This is embarrassing.

Kagura Let's pretend we don't know him.

Shin What is he doing?

Gin Uh, wait...

Kondo Hey! Stop it, Toshi!

Kondo What are you talking about?

Toshi No, no, no! Over there!

Toshi Just look over there!

Okita Aren't you a little old to be getting excited about a funeral?

Okita Don't worry. We'll be holding a funeral for you very soon.

Toshi No, no, no! Look!

Toshi Just look at that!

Toshi Look!

Gin Can you see it?

Toshi Wh-What is that?

Toshi Are we the only ones who can see it? Is that what this is?

Gin Nah, I don't think it's what you think it is.

Gin It's probably no big deal. We should be okay.

Toshi I-It's not okay.

Toshi It is what I think it is.

Toshi I mean, i-it's the owner!

Gin Don't be stupid!

Gin The owner is dead!

Gin This is his funeral!

Gin Besides, he was never this transparent!

Gin He had a real distinct presence!

Gin This is someone else!

Toshi That's true.

Toshi He certainly had a presence! A distinct presence!

Toshi He wasn't transparent!

Toshi Uh, doesn't the whole transparent thing seem wrong to you?

Toshi Even if he isn't the owner, something's wrong when he's transparent.

Gin Then it must be the owner.

Gin You know how he couldn't hide what he was thinking sometimes?

Gin He was so transparent.

Toshi Yeah, that's true.

Toshi He was.

Toshi He could be transparent at times.

Toshi Wait, but something's wrong if it is the owner.

Toshi Why would the dead owner be sitting up there all transparent?

Toshi Something's wrong...

Gin Well, that must mean he's a ghost.

Toshi Oh, I see now.

Toshi It's a ghost.

Shin Hey! What are you doing?!

Gin I-I need to go to the restroom!

Toshi My legs are numb from kneeling so long!

Gin Let me go! What are you doing?!

Toshi Hey!

Toshi The owner's looking at us!

Toshi He's staring right at us!

Gin Oh, damn!

Gin Don't look at him!

Gin Pretend we can't see him!

Toshi Hey! He's coming for us!

Toshi The owner's coming for us! What do we do?!

Gin Play dead! Play dead!

Toshi Play dead?! He's the one who's dead!

Toshi He's actually dead!

Mom Hey, Tatsukichi!

Mom What do you think you're doing?

Tatsu What? The monk's gonna be at this forever!

Mom Stupid! Put that way!

Mom It's disrespectful!

Tatsu I don't care!

Tatsu He should be grateful I even came to this boring funeral!

Mom Tatsukichi?!

Mom What happened to you, Tatsukichi?!

Mom I'm sorry. It appears that my son has gotten sick.

Mom We'll have to excuse ourselves.

Kondo Toshi, weren't you going to the restroom?

Toshi N-No, I'm good now.

Shin You're good now?

Shin But you're both shaking.

Shin It's not healthy to hold it in.

Gin N-No, we're good.

Toshi H-He's monitoring us.

Toshi The owner returned from hell to make sure that his funeral goes off without a hitch.

Gin This is bad.

Gin If anything goes wrong with this funeral...

Both The owner will curse us to death!

Hiji Just like that monk who was reading weird sutras while falling asleep...

Hiji Who knows what he'll do to us?!

Gin This isn't funny!

Gin I came here to say goodbye to the nice owner!

Gin I'm not here to see that hard-boiled guy!

A Excuse me. It's your turn to burn incense.

Toshi Huh?!

A It's your turn to burn incense.

A The relatives have all taken their turn,

A so you're the only ones left.

Toshi Hey, it's already our turn to burn incense.

Toshi What do we do?

Gin Don't be absurd.

Gin I'm already about to piss my pants.

Gin I'm not about to try aroma therapy right next to him!

Gin I'll have other aromas coming out of my ass!

Gin And wait, how does burning incense work?

Gin I know you walk up there and sprinkle something, but my memory's all hazy.

Toshi Are you an idiot?! Aren't you a grown-up?!

Toshi You sprinkle it three times on your forehead and do that, then that, and that!

Gin All you're saying is to do that and that!

Gin Your memory's just as hazy as mine!

Toshi Once I'm up there, I'll remember what to do! I'm not like you!

Gin You go first then!

Toshi Hell no! You go!

Shin I'll go first then.

Shin Watch me, Kagura-chan.

Gin Wait, Shinpachi!

Gin Let's not be hasty!

Shin Huh? Hasty?

Shin Kagura-chan doesn't know how this works, so I'm going to show her.

Gin Can you do it?!

Gin Don't screw it up!

Gin Come back alive!

Gin Promise me!

Shin Are you making fun of me?

Shin Whatever.

Shin Watch me, Kagura-chan.

) Bow to the relatives and monk.

Shin First, you go to where the incense is and bow to the relatives and monk.

) Pay your respects to the portrait.

Shin Then you kneel down before the incense and pay your respects to the portrait.

Shin Hold the beads in your left hand and use your right hand to take a pinch of incense

) Hold the beads in your left hand and use your right hand to take a pinch of incense

and brush it against your forehead before placing the incense in the burner. Do this three times.

Shin and brush it against your forehead before placing the incense in the burner.

Shin Do this three times.

) Pay your respects to the portrait again and bow to the relatives.

Shin Finally, pay your respects to the portrait again and bow to the relatives.

Shin Okay, all done.

Shin Well, isn't it easy?

Gin Mission complete!

Gin I knew you could pull it off!

Gin We'll throw a party to celebrate.

Gin Put on your best clothes!

Shin You're starting to piss me off.

Shin What's this about? Are you trying to belittle me?

Toshi You still have much to learn, in my opinion,

Toshi but you look like a man now.

Shin Why are you making such a fuss about burning incense?!

Shin Did you people really think I couldn't do it?!

Toshi Look, the owner seems happier now.

Toshi I think we're gonna survive this ordeal.

Kagura Okay, I'll go next.

Gin Kagura, do exactly what Shinpachi did!

Gin Don't screw up!

Kagura I got this!

Kagura I remember everything perfectly!

Kagura Um, first is...

) Bow to the relatives and monk.

Kagura Make the monk bow.

Gin You're already completely off!

) Pay your respects to the portrait.

Kagura Respect, yo!

Kagura Everyone with me!

Monk Yo...

Gin That's not what it means!

Gin You don't have to listen to her, monk!

) Hold the beads in your left hand and use your right hand to take a pinch of incense and brush

Gin Monk!

it against your forehead before placing the incense in the burner. Do this three times.

) Pay your respects to the portrait again and bow to the relatives.

Kagura Respect, yo!

Monk Yo...

Gin Monk!

Kagura Is that good enough?

Gin Were you even watching Shinpachi?!

Gin Who told you to turn the monk's head into a pulp?!

Kagura My legs were numb from kneeling so long...

Gin What do your legs have to do with anything?!

Gin Your head is what's numb!

Toshi Damn, the owner's getting mad.

Toshi We need to fix this funeral!

Toshi Add another step to the flowchart!

) Bow to the relatives and monk.

Toshi After we bow to the relatives and monk,

Toshi we resurrect the monk!

) Resurrect the monk.

Toshi Then we burn incense!

) Kneel before the incense and pay your respects to the portrait.

Okita I'll go next then.

Toshi Sogo! Are you sure about this?!

Toshi Can you do this?!

Toshi Can you manage it?!

Toshi Can I trust you?!

Okita It'll be just fine.

) Bow to the relatives and monk.

Okita I just have to follow your flowchart, right?

Okita Bow to the relatives monkey hair.

) Bow to the relatives and monkey.

Toshi You already screwed up!

Toshi Don't screw with the flowchart!

Toshi We're getting nowhere!

Toshi Forget it!

Toshi Forget the incense! Just resurrect the monk!

Toshi What the hell?!

Toshi Nobody told you to resurrect his hair!

Toshi Nothing's changed!

Toshi We just have a dead body with a wig on it!

Okita No.

Okita He looks happier now.

Toshi Isn't that nice, monk.

Toshi Who gives a damn?!

Gin Hey! The owner's completely pissed off now!

Gin He's gone SSJ!

Toshi Prioritize the rescue of the monk!

Toshi First, we resurrect the monk!

) Resurrect the monk.

) Bow to the relatives and monk.

Toshi Then we bow to the relatives and monk!

Gin Wait!

Gin There's another dead body!

Gin It's one of the relatives!

Toshi Why would he die from losing his wig?!

Toshi How weak is he?!

Toshi And why is everyone ignoring him?!

Toshi Are they trying to pretend that they didn't notice he was wearing a wig?!

Toshi Are they trying to be nice?!

Kondo That settles it.

) Resurrect the monk and relative.

Kondo We'll have to start by resurrecting the monk and relative.

) Bow and apologize to the relatives and monk.

Kondo Then we bow and apologize to the relatives and monk.

Kondo Or else the owner's funeral will be a wreck.

Kondo I'll take responsibility and get everything fixed.

Toshi Kondo-san!

Kondo Just watch.

Kondo I'm the eldest one here, so I have more experience with funerals.

Kondo I could burn incense in my sleep.

Kondo First, resurrect the monk!

Kondo Please kneel here and read the sutra.

Toshi That's the bald relative!

Kondo Then resurrect the relative!

Kondo I apologize for the trouble we've caused.

Toshi That's the relative's wig!

Kondo And here is the fish drum.

Toshi Stop torturing the monk!

Gin Enough already!

Gin You're making it worse!

Toshi And why is the relative acting like he's the monk?

Kondo I'm guessing he's temporarily lost his memories from the shock.

Toshi He lost what was on top of his head, not what's inside his head!

Gin Hey!

Gin The owner is so pissed!

Gin He's about to fire a Spirit b*mb!

Gin Screw this!

Gin You people are ruining everything!

Toshi Hey, wait!

Toshi You're going to run away by yourself?! I don't think so!

Shin Hey! Wait, Gin-san!

Shin The funeral isn't over...

Gin Shi-Shinpachi?

A Oh, what's wrong?

B Their legs must be numb from all the kneeling.

Both He took their souls!

A Are your friends okay?

Gin Oh, yes.

Gin Their legs are numb after all the kneeling.

A I see, but they seem to have completely passed out.

Gin That's just a game they play.

Gin They'll be fine after some rest, so don't worry.

Gin I didn't expect him to take their souls.

Gin He took their spirits instead of firing a Spirit b*mb.

Toshi That wasn't clever.

Toshi Are those really their souls?

Gin They must be!

Gin One of them is wearing glasses!

Toshi Why is his soul wearing glasses?

Gin In Shinpachi's case, his glasses are his soul!

Toshi Anyway, we need to get their souls back.

Gin How do we do that?!

Toshi He was mad because we tried to leave,

Toshi so we'll have to stay until the end of the funeral.

Toshi I'm sure that if we pay our respects, he'll pass on and everything will be okay.

Toshi The funeral's almost over.

Toshi We just have to behave ourselves in the corner.

Toshi Make sure you don't piss off the owner.

Toshi Don't move an inch.

N We will now carry the coffin.

N May I ask the men to assist?

B I believe that the family members are supposed to carry the head.

C I'm sorry, Mitsuko-san. My back's been k*lling me.

A Oh, is there anyone young who can help?

A Oh, Gin-san, Hijikata-san,

A could you help carry the coffin?

Toshi S-Sorry, I just dislocated my left shoulder.

Gin As you can see, I just broke my arm.

Gin Sorry, Gran.

A Oh, is that so?

A Sorry about putting you on the spot.

Gin But it must have been my imagination!

Gin We'll help!

Gin Please let us help!

Gin Isn't that right, Hijikata-kun?!

Toshi Yeah, I've always wanted to help carry a coffin!

Toshi Isn't that right, Sakata-kun?!

Toshi Shit! Can I do this?!

Toshi I dislocated my left shoulder!

Gin My bone is sticking out!

Gin It hurts like a mother!

Gin And are they even okay?!

Gin He was kneading their souls together?!

Gin Kneading them hard!

A Can you please take his legs then, Sakata-san and Hijikata-san.

Gin In that case, I'll do this with one arm!

Gin Suck it up!

D Lift it on my count.

Toshi Don't screw up! It's over if we drop him!

Toshi Focus all of my strength in my right arm!

A Okay, ready and...

B Hey! How much strength did you use?!

B Uncle!

B Uncle is trapped!

D And the owner is also a mess!

D His feet are sticking out the wrong way!

B Put him back!

B Put him back quick!

D The owner is sticking out!

Toshi Shit! Push him back in! Stuff him back in!

Gin H-He won't fit because he's all stiff!

D Don't step on him!

D You're going to hell for this!

B Now his leg is sticking out!

B What is this?!

B Is the owner practicing synchronized swimming in the River Styx?!

D Now something else is sticking out!

D What's going on?!

Gin People get stiff after they die, I think.

D But that doesn't mean they get a stiffie!

B And it's sticking out in the completely wrong direction!

B What's happened inside?!

Toshi Hey, look!

Toshi He's making soba!

Toshi He's making soba out of their souls!

Gin No time to waste!

Gin Let's carry the coffin outside!

Gin We can't move!

A He's stuck!

A He's stuck in the worst possible way!

Gin I won't give in!

B Wait! It's gonna snap!

B It's gonna snap!

Gran Gin-san, Hijikata-san.

Gran You should be careful when turning corners.

D Yes, yes.

D Be more careful.

B Don't force your way through.

B You should snap the coffin around that way.

Gran Then I'll snap it for you!

B That's not what I meant!

Gran You can pass through now.

D You just snapped your husband's thing to turn a corner!

Gran Oh, there's a nail loose.

B Ma'am! Do you have a grudge or something?!

B Some kind of grudge against your husband's joystick?!

B He wasn't any good at rapid firing?!

D Now the monk is sticking out!

D Why is the monk inside?!

B And he's still alive!

B He's still reading that weird sutra!

D Wait, did she snap the monk's thing?!

D Now the monk is literally celibate!

B It's stuck! It's stuck again!

Gran I'll snap it for you!

B Gran!

Gran You can pass through now.

Gran Oh, there's another loose nail.

B Gran!

B Are you mad about that funny sutra?!

D Owner!

Gin Floor it! Go faster!

Toshi Don't tell a cop to break the speed limit!

Gin We caught up!

Toshi Pull over! There's an old man sticking out of your truck!

Toshi It's no use. He can't hear me.

Toshi I'm gonna arrest him later for breaking the law!

Gin Hey! The owner can't hold on much longer!

Gin Get closer to the truck!

Gin I'll recover the body!

Gin Gran, hold my legs!

Gran Sure thing.

Gin Just a little closer!

Gin Why?!

Toshi What's going on?!

Toshi What happened in there?!

Gin Uh, wait!

Gin I don't want to touch that!

Gin Gran, please!

Gin I'll hold your legs, so can you grab the owner's wang?

Gran Um...

Gran Which one?

Gin The hell is going on?!

Gin There are all these dicks sticking out of the truck!

Gin How many dicks does the owner have?!

Gin How greedy was he?!

Toshi No!

Toshi Those are peniclams from Planet Seafood.

Toshi They look very similar to the male organ of Earth humans,

Toshi but they're known to be delicious.

Gin Don't you mean dicklicious?!

Gin Why are they so similar?!

Gin In both name and appearance?!

Toshi They must have fallen out of the box.

Toshi This is bad...

Toshi We can't tell which one is the old man's d*ck!

Gin No, we can...

Gin Gran can do it.

Gin You've seen the owner's d*ck hundreds, thousands of times.

Gin You should be able to tell which one is the real one.

Gran But I...

Gin Believe in yourself!

Gin Believe in the d*ck of the owner you believe!

Toshi What does that even mean?

Gin You're the one who said we should send him off with a smile, not tears!

Gin There's nothing to smile about right now!

Toshi No, total strangers would probably laugh until they cry.

Gin It's not too late!

Gin Let's make this a proper funeral for the owner!

Gin That's the only thing we can do as the ones who were left behind!

Gran I understand. I'll give it a try.

Gran Don't let your eyes fool you.

Gran Use all five senses, Mitsuko...

Gran Remember the smell, the ***, the ***, and how it was ***.

Toshi That's really disgusting, you know!

Toshi I don't want to hear it!

Gran There it is!

Gin Why did you snap it off?!

Gin Gran, do you have a grudge against the owner's d*ck?!

Gin Calm down!

Toshi Stupid!

Toshi There he is! It's the owner!

Gin I want to let go, but I can't!

Gin And where are you grabbing, Gran?!

Toshi Hang on! I'll get closer!

Gin Mine is about to snap off!

Gin So is the owner's!

N Odd Jobs...

N Hijikata...

N You guys are always so fun.

N Thanks for giving me a funeral that was a riot.

N I can leave without any regrets now.

N Sorry about scaring you.

N Apologize to Mitsuko and everyone else for me.

N And so, I poured my soul, literally,

N into one last meal for my very good friends.

Gin I was wondering what the owner was trying to pull.

Gin So he was cooking for us...

Toshi Man, that guy was always weird.

Toshi Nobody was going to cry at your funeral.

Toshi Tears are meant...

Gin ...for when you're eating good food.

Gin It's damn good...

Don't look for me.

Next Episode

Zura E-Elizabeth ran away from home?!

Zura Impossible!

Zura That's impossible!

Zura What has Elizabeth been hiding from me?!

The People You Tend to Forget Tend to Show Up After You Forget Them

Gin Next time

Gin The people you tend to forget tend to show up after you forget them.

While chasing after Elizabeth, a surprising mystery is revealed?!

The sexy lady in the opening will appear along with that one guy who hasn't shown up in forever!!