05x36 - Please Take Me Skiing

[bunniefuu]

Live action Gintama!!

Take two!!

Odd Jobs GinSnack Otose

Shin Oh, wow...

Kagura It looks so real.

Gin I know.

Shin The hell it does!

Shin This is way crappier than the first take!

Gin Everybody saw this coming.

Gin The staff went overboard with that Kaien crap,

Gin so we're out of money.

Kagura It was pretty expensive to borrow the mannequins

Kagura we used in the last live-action segment.

Shin Nobody wants to hear about that!

Shin So what do we do now?

Shin We already opened with the punch line.

Gin Huh? We still have that.

Kagura When we're out of punch lines, there's always that.

A Shinsengumi vacation will never go off without a hitch!!

Everyone meets up at the ski slopes!! And there's someone else along for the ride...

Toshi Huh? A vacation?

Kondo Yeah, it's so cold that those t*rrorists are probably hibernating.

Kondo Matsudaira said that we should go on a ski trip to boost morale.

Toshi Where did he get that idea?

Toshi We can't go on a pleasure trip and leave Edo undefended.

Toshi Besides, that freak is always telling us to work harder.

Toshi Something isn't right.

Okita You're being paranoid.

Okita We've been working without any rest since the show started up again.

Okita I guess a person who's rotten to the core

Okita doesn't know how to accept a gesture of kindness.

Toshi I don't need to hear that from someone who's rotten to his soul.

Okita If you're worried about Edo,

Okita we can divide the men into the Kondo team and the Hijikata team

Okita and have one team stay behind.

Okita I'm sure you can defend Edo by yourself, Hijikata-san.

Toshi Why is Hijikata-san the only person on the Hijikata team?

Toshi Why is he the one staying behind?

Okita Let's go.

Okita Even gorillas need to hibernate.

Kondo I'm not a gorilla.

Toshi K-Kondo-san!

Matsu If you don't want to hibernate, I'll just terminate you.

Matsu A beast can't survive winter if he doesn't know when to rest his fangs.

Toshi P-Pops!

Matsu It wouldn't matter if you were a solitary gorilla,

Matsu but you're a gorilla who leads a whole troop.

Kondo Th-That was close!

Matsu One bad decision and your entire troop will be buried under the snow.

Matsu But if you insist on continuing with your cracked fangs,

Matsu I'm going to

Matsu snap them off.

Matsu Do you want to go to sleep and see tomorrow?

Matsu Or go to sleep and never wake up again?

Matsu Make your choice.

Matsu If you don't make a choice in three seconds, I'll blow your head off.

Matsu One...

Kondo What happened to two and three?!

Matsu Never heard of those numbers before.

Matsu A man only needs to know the number one to get along in this world.

Matsu Hey, Toshi. What about you?

Matsu Are you going to rest or die?

Matsu Make it quick!

Toshi I'm staying behind.

Toshi We need someone to take Kondo-san's place.

Matsu Absolutely not.

Matsu You're going with him!

Toshi Why are you forcing us to take a vacation?

Matsu I'm trying to be nice here!

Matsu There is no other motive involved!

Toshi There's nothing nice about how you're treating us.

Matsu Okay! That means you're all going!

Matsu Get packed.

Okita Yay. You got a soft side, Pops.

Matsu Oh, I have one more thing to mention!

Matsu There's someone who wants to come along on your trip.

Matsu Well, he won't be that much trouble.

Matsu Just keep an eye on him if you would.

Please Take Me Skiing

A Hey, look at him! Oh, gosh!

A He's so cool!

B He's airborne!

B Awesome!

D What? Is he a pro or something?

E Damn! Look at that hang time!

F He's like a bird!

G Er, isn't this getting kind of ridiculous?

N We are currently traveling kilometers per hour at an altitude of meters.

N Our target landing site is meters ahead.

AltitudeDistanceTemperature

N Uh, there are people in the vicinity of our objective, over.

Toshi Get rid of them immediately, over.

N We've eliminated the intruders,

N but our landing site was ravaged by the weapons fire.

N I fear that he may trip and fall, over.

Toshi Uh, flatten the site immediately, over.

Toshi I'm glad to see that you're safe.

Toshi Did you enjoy your first attempt at snowboarding,

Toshi My Lord?

Shogun It felt good when I jumped and there was a rush of air against my crotch.

Shogun I want to try it again.

Toshi Understood!

Toshi Hey, another crotch rush!

Toshi Bring the helicopter around!

Toshi I told you that something didn't sound right.

Toshi A vacation? Go spread your wings?

Toshi We're just babysitting the Shogun.

Yama Knowing our lord, he probably said that he wanted to sneak out on a ski trip.

Yama The old man didn't know what to do, so he just passed it on to us.

Toshi We won't be getting a second of relaxation time.

Toshi If anything happens to the Shogun, we'll pay with our lives and more.

Yama Still, you've gone a little too far, vice chief.

Yama We're attracting too much attention.

Yama Nobody's supposed to know that we're here.

Toshi Don't be stupid.

Toshi If we let him ski on his own and he gets hurt, we're finished.

Toshi We just have to convince the Shogun that this is how people normally ski.

Yama But the other visitors are getting scared and leaving.

Toshi All the better.

Toshi It'll be easier to protect the Shogun if nobody else is around.

Toshi Sogo, bribe a staff member to stop the lift.

Toshi Don't let anyone else up there.

Okita Hijikata-san, there's someone suspicious near the Shogun's landing site.

Okita Someone who's making a huge snowman that's going to get in the way.

Toshi Tell them to leave.

Okita Hey, there.

Okita This is a ski slope.

Okita Find somewhere else to play.

Okita Hey, you listening to me?

Okita Find somewhere else to make your snowman.

Kagura Shut up!

Kagura This isn't a snowman.

Kagura This is a Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon.

Toshi Huh?

Toshi Shogun!

Toshi Sogo! What's going on?!

Toshi Do you read me?!

Toshi Is the Shogun safe?!

Toshi Where did he go?!

Kondo Toshi! Do you read me?!

Kondo Toshi! We've got big trouble!

Toshi I know! I saw the whole thing!

Kondo What?! Really?!

Kondo I just came across them by coincidence!

Kondo I never expected Otae-san and Shinpachi-kun to be here!

Toshi Huh? What are you talking about?!

Kondo It's a good thing that I got curious and tailed them!

Toshi Hey, what are you talking about?!

Toshi Don't you know that the Shogun is missing?!

Kondo Huh?! What are you talking about?!

Kondo A man wearing nothing but his underwear

Kondo just came flying out of the sky to attack Otae-san!

Toshi That's the Shogun!

Kondo If I don't do something, Otae-san will be... Otae-san will be...!

Toshi The Shogun's the one who's getting the crap beaten out of him!

Kondo I need to help her at once!

Toshi Hey, wait! That's the Shogun!

Kondo Damn!

Kondo The snowboard's preventing me from moving!

Kondo In that case...

Kondo Pervert!

Kondo Get away from my Otae-san!

Otae You're the pervert!

Toshi Kondo-san! Shogun!

Toshi This is bad!

Toshi His skis are carrying him away!

Toshi Wait a second!

Toshi The underwear boys are in an incredibly wrong position!

C Eek! What's that?!

G We got a serious case of indecent exposure flying down the slope!

Toshi Stop them!

Toshi We can't embarrass the Shogun, the Bakufu!

Toshi Do whatever it takes to stop them!

A The Shogun and chief separated when they jumped!

A The Shogun hit an innocent bystander!

Toshi Damn, you guys go after Kondo-san!

Toshi Leave the Shogun to me!

Yamazaki Chief!

Toshi Hey! Are you okay?

Gin Yeah, I'm just fine.

Gin I'm also a beginner, so I understand how your skis can carry you away.

Gin Well, let's all be careful.

Toshi Wait a moment!

Toshi That's the Shogun!

A Chief! Please stop!

Yama Damn!

Yama He's going too fast for us to catch up!

Yama Huh? Boss?

Yama Why are you here?

Yama Can you stop the chief...

Yama Huh? Wait...

Yama Do you realize what you're riding?!

Yama Vice chief!

Yama It's terrible!

Yama The Odd Jobs boss is...

Yama Wait, vice chief! That's the chief!

Toshi Stop!

Toshi Didn't you hear me tell you to stop, you wavy-haired punk?!

Gin Huh? Why are you here?

Toshi We don't have time for that!

Toshi Look down! Look down!

Gin Ah! When did that happen?!

Toshi Don't give me that shit!

Toshi Don't you recognize who that is?!

Gin And who is your board?!

Toshi Ah! When did that happen?

Gin You're no better than I am!

Toshi Anyway, stop him as soon as you can!

Toshi Or you'll be committing seppuku ten times over!

Gin I would have stopped already if I could!

Gin I'm a beginner at snowboarding,

so how am I supposed to know how to stop a human?!

Gin What do I do?!

Gin Pretend like we're out in the country where it's warm and fuzzy?

Toshi How's that supposed to help?!

Gin Hey! Wait a moment!

Gin His underwear!

Gin He slows down when I tug on his underwear!

Toshi What?! You can control humanboards with their underwear?!

Toshi Oh, it's like a brake of sorts!

Toshi But we're leaving a strange track.

Toshi What is this?

Gin It's the track left by the brake.

Toshi The brake?!

Toshi Where would there be a brake on the human body?!

Gin The penile brake!

Gin When I pull on his underwear,

Gin his penis extends like a brake.

Toshi Wait a moment! So you mean this is that?!

Toshi It's not actually a brake!

Gin Cold and hard!

Gin And that's the truth.

Toshi That's not funny! Cut it out!

Toshi Stop using that brake!

Toshi He won't be able to leave any heirs!

Gin We don't have time to be picky!

Gin Our priority is to stop this ride!

Both We broke the brakes...

Toshi Shit! We veered off the trail!

Gin Stop us! Someone stop us!

Otae Gin-san, are you okay?

Otae I'm coming to help!

Otae Hold on!

Gin Otae, you're here...

Shin Gin-san!

Shin Everything's okay now that we're here!

Gin Why are these siblings acting like it's perfectly normal to humanboard?!

Otae I was learning how to snowboard,

Otae but I accidentally ended up riding Shin-chan instead,

Otae and then I discovered the he was actually an easier ride.

Otae I guess it's because we're siblings!

Gin You're not supposed to use a sibling as a snowboard!

Otae I'll teach you how to humanboard.

Otae Listen carefully.

Otae First, you take note of the glasses on your board.

Otae These will serve as the handles.

Gin Sorry! That's impossible!

Gin Please understand that not every humanboard wears glasses!

Otae Oh, no! You can't control the board if there aren't any glasses!

Otae Shin-chan!

Gin Uh, that's not Shin-chan!

Otae What do I do?!

Otae I can't do anything now!

Gin Why did you even bother coming out here?!

Toshi Hey, I have some advice for you.

Toshi Have you heard of a penile brake?

Gin The vice chief has snapped!

Gin He's making out-of-character remarks that constitute sexual harassment!

Gin He's totally given up!

Kagura Gin-chan, are you okay?

Kagura I'm coming to help you! Hold on!

Gin You liar!

Gin Clearly you're the one who needs help!

Gin You can't do jack shit!

Kagura That's not true!

Kagura I'm going to save everyone!

Okita We're all going to die...

Gin Huh?! What?!

Kagura If you give up, the game is over!

Okita The worst part is when you're still clinging to hope when you die.

Gin There's someone chiming in with really negative remarks!

Kagura Don't be fooled!

Okita By your bullshit?

Gin Hey, what are they doing?!

Gin This is like that whole angel/devil whispering in your head thing!

Kagura No. I am not me. I am not you.

Okita But I am me. I am you.

Both Yes, there is no black or white.

Both All will return to true darkness!

Gin And now it's just a completely black ball!

Zura I've been waiting this whole time under the snowball.

Gin Uh, Kagura.

Toshi Sogo...

Both Have you heard of a penile brake?

Zura Huh?

Zura Wait!

Zura What are you doing to the leader?!

Zura Wait!

Toshi Where am I?

Toshi I remember that...

Toshi I came to the slopes as a bodyguard for the Shogun...

Toshi Shogun!

Toshi Where's the Shogun?!

Toshi Dammit!

Toshi He's not here!

Toshi The Shogun isn't here!

Toshi Damn, I need to call for backup!

Toshi Out of range?

Toshi Y-You've gotta be kidding...

Toshi How far down did we fall?

Toshi No trails.

Toshi No sign of civilization.

Toshi No help.

Toshi I just have a bunch of useless incompetents.

Toshi We're stranded.

Toshi Forget about protecting the Shogun.

Toshi We're the ones who've been stranded.

Shin Shogun!

Shin Answer if you're there!

Shin Shogun!

Toshi I'm gonna lose my head.

Toshi We're all gonna lose our heads.

Gin That's ridiculous.

Gin You get a bunch of innocent bystanders involved in your mess,

Gin and now you want to take our heads?

Gin When we just happened to win a ski trip from a drawing in the shopping district?

Gin You fools can go to hell by yourselves.

Toshi Did you also win a free pass for riding the Shogun like a snowboard in that drawing?

Gin Don't ask me. I didn't even realize he was under me.

Kagura Oh, yeah. That reminds me.

Kagura He once mentioned how someone at the top

Kagura needs to understand how someone at the bottom feels.

Toshi That doesn't mean he should become a snowboard.

Kondo I see.

Kondo So Toshi was using me as a snowboard

Kondo because he felt I needed to know how the men below me felt.

Kondo So that's what it was.

Toshi It sure was.

Toshi That's why I did it.

Otae In any case, the Shogun can't survive this cold in nothing but his underwear.

Toshi Uh, lady?

Toshi There are a bunch of men in nothing but their underwear right before you.

Otae They say that you're supposed to take off your clothes and cuddle to stay warm.

Otae Let's send some naked people to go find him!

Kondo Someone bring me a blankie!

Kondo A blankie to warm my heart!

Toshi Whether we're going to save the Shogun or get our heads chopped off,

Toshi we need to worry about our own safety first.

Okita I know. We're stranded.

Zura That makes sense.

Zura In that case, we should split up into a group for ensuring

Zura our survival and a group to search for the Shogun.

Zura Yes, there's no need to worry.

Zura The Shogun may be our reviled enemy,

Zura but there's no point in bringing that up now.

Zura Let bygones be bygones! Focus on the danger we currently face!

Zura I am just an ordinary leader now!

Zura Feel free to dive into my arms!

Okita Well, if something happens to the Shogun, we can just blame him.

Okita So what do we do now?

Zura Uh, can you hear me?!

Zura Could you let your leader out of here?!

Toshi The other men should have noticed that we're all missing.

Toshi Help will come eventually.

Zura Can you hear me?!

Toshi So we and the Shogun have to survive until then.

Toshi We're splitting up into two groups.

Zura Hey! That was my idea!

Zura You copycat!

Toshi This appears to be a ridge of some sort.

Toshi We have a decent view, and it'll be easier for others to see us here.

Toshi Start a fire and keep the smoke going at all times.

Toshi We'll make this our base.

Toshi Try to make some sort of shelter from the cold.

Toshi Everyone else will look for the Shogun.

Toshi We need to find him today.

Shin Look for the Shogun?

Shin The snow is coming down really hard. It's dangerous.

Toshi That's why we have to go.

Toshi We can make it back if we have the smoke to guide us.

Shin But it's too dangerous!

Shin What if there are casualties?

Toshi Then we'll be fair and use rock, paper, scissors to decide.

Toshi Here we go!

All Rock always wins!

All Rock, paper...

All Good luck!

Toshi Kondo-san! Watch your back out there!

Kondo Uh, there's nothing on my back to even watch...

Gin Huh? What?

Gin Did he say something?

Kondo Uh, are you forgetting something?

Shin Forgetting something? What's he talking about?

Shin Beats me...

Kondo Uh, it's pretty cold...

Kondo Uh...

Kondo Oh, I know!

Kondo The Shogun must be cold!

Kondo I should bring some clothes for him!

Gin Hey, get a grip.

Gin There are clothes right there.

Gin Around your waist.

Otae Please, Kondo-san.

Otae You're so forgetful.

Kondo Oops! I screwed up!

Otae Make sure that they're warm before you give them to him.

Kondo Th-Then I'll be going...

Toshi I just realized that Kondo-san isn't wearing anything.

Okita Oh, you're right. I completely forgot.

Toshi Hey, everyone. Give Kondo-san one article of clothing.

Toshi He won't be cold if we all pitch in.

Both Okay. Be careful out there, Kondo-san.

Kondo Y-Yeah!

Kondo But you all gave me your gloves.

Zura Hey, wait.

Zura You'll die if you underestimate the bitter cold of a winter mountain.

Zura Wear this.

Kondo Ka-Katsura...

Zura As I was saying, we need to work together to survive.

Toshi We're in an extremely perilous situation.

Toshi No help in sight.

Toshi Our survival in this unknown land rests upon a very fragile trust.

Toshi Will we be able to survive?

To Be Continued

Next Episode

Toshi Damn! Where's the Shogun?!

Toshi We're going to die before they can chop off our heads!

Shogun Next time

On Screen,Shogun A Vacation in Disorientation

Shogun A vacation in disorientation.

Shogun Please.

The group divides into two teams for securing shelter and finding the Shogun as they attempt to survive in the snowy mountains!!

Stranded in the middle of the blizzard, the group encounters...