06x01 - Nobody with Natural Straight Hair Can Be That Bad/Nobody with Straight Blond Hair Can Be That Good

[bunniefuu]

Manual: Lake Toya

Gin: Hey, I'm back.

Gin: Didn't you hear that Gin-san's back?

Gin: Don't you idiots know how to welcome someone?!

Gin: Man, they're so mean.

Gin: Are they upset about the six month vacation?

Gin: Seriously, kids need way too much attention.

Gin: Hi!

Gin: Long time no see, Shin-chan, Kagura-chan!

Gin: How's it going?

Gin: Sorry I ran out on you for so long.

Gin: I brought you some Shinsengumi manju, so cheer up.

Shin: Honestly, what were you doing?

Shin: You're late.

Kag: Get dressed.

Kag: We have a visitor.

Oh, yeah, sorry.

Shin: Hurry up!

Shin: Kin-san!

Kag: Kin-chan!

Gin: Kin-san?

Caution: Be sure to watch Kintama in a well-lit room and sit some distance from the TV!!

Kin: Oh, sorry about that.

Kin: I've got a splitting headache after drinking too much last night.

Kin: Sorry about the poor reception.

Kin: I'm Odd Jobs Sakata Kintoki.

Kin: Please have a seat,

Kin: sir.

Nobody with Natural Straight Hair Can Be That Bad

Gin: Sorry, I'm in the wrong place.

Gin: What the hell?

Gin: I'm so drunk, I ended up in a different anime and pulled a Breakfast att*ck.

Gin: Yeah, that was a shock.

Gin: I didn't hear about this show being on TV Tokyo.

Gin: It looks like a ratings b*mb to me, so I'd be worried.

Gin: The last time I saw a first episode this bad,

Gin: Gintama was switched to a different time slot six months later.

Gin: Maybe I should have given them some advice.

Gin: Like, to add a special att*ck or something.

Gin: And Kintama is such a crass title.

Gin: Why not something flashy like Kin no Exorcist?

Gin: They'll need to give that boring four-eyes a bunch of moles

and turn him into the main character's little brother
if they want the manga to sell a million copies.

Gin: And if they're going with a heroine that's a kid,

Song,Song: Sada-Sada Haru-HaruGobbles everyone down

Gin: they should make her small enough to be a mascot,

Gin: then make her dance with that dog.

Song,Song: Tears everyone upTomorrow will be another bloody day

Gin: The nail in the coffin would be the main character.

Gin: He's too polished.

Gin: Nobody's gonna remember a guy with straight hair.

Gin: The main character needs wavy hair.

Odd Jobs,Caption: Odd Jobs Kin-chan

Snack,Caption: Snack Otose

Gin: Anyway, their faces looked awfully familiar,

Gin: despite being a new show...

Gin: Whatever.

Gin: Time to go home.

Gin: Where is home?

Gin: Wait, it's not my hangover.

Odd Jobs ,Caption: Odd Jobs Kin-chan

Gin: The sign's changed, but that's clearly my home!

Gin: This isn't Ao no Exorcist or Aka no Exorcist.

Gin: It's Dumb and Dumbercist!

Gin: That was clearly Shinpachi and Kagura!

Gin: The title changed from Gin to Kin.

Gin,Caption: Gintama

Kin,Caption: Kintama

Gin: Gold is more valuable than silver,

but the title's gone down the gutter.

Gin: But everything else about this show

Gin: is clearly Gintama!

Gin: So, so...

Gin: Who is this guy, this man with blond straight hair?

Gin: Who is Sakata Kintoki?!

Gin: I wasn't gone that long.

Gin: What?

Gin: How?

Gin: Why?

Shin: So who was that guy anyway?

Kagura: He kind of reminded me of Kin-chan.

Kin: Really? My head isn't that screwy.

Shin: That's right.

Shin: You were born with straight hair and a straight personality.

Shin: Why was the main character's throne changed from silver to gold?!

Shin: Oh, so you have a job for us?

Shin: You just turned around and left earlier.

Shin: Is it something difficult to talk about?

Kag: Just let it all out!

Kag: Odd Jobs is here to help people!

Gin: Oh, really...

Gin: Then I'll talk.

Gin: The thing is, you see,

I left the house for a while, and when I came back, something was wrong.

Gin: The entire anime was wrong.

Gin: I've lost my place.

Shin: Ah, I see.

Kag: Like returning from a business trip

to find your wife with another man?

Gin: Yeah, yeah...

Gin: A strange man was wearing my bathrobe,

digging through my fridge, and eating my pudding.

Kag: That would make me mad!

Gin: Right? Don't you want to k*ll him?

Gin: I'll **** the ***** **** *** ** **** *****!

Gin: I'm gone a few months and *** ****** ** * **** into my house!

Gin: What the hell is his deal?!

Shin: Anyway, there's some paperwork to be done,

so please give us your name.

Gin: Sakata Gintoki.

Kag: Wow, even your name is like Kin-chan's.

Kag: Are you long lost brothers?

Gin: They've completely forgotten about the main character?!

Oto: Stop it, now.

He wouldn't want this loser as a brother.

Kin: Hey, that's cold, Gran.

Gin: Gran, too!

Cath: Absolutely, gold is much better than silver.

Kin: You're joining in, Catherine?

Gin: And Catherine!

Gin: It didn't take them long to switch from silver to gold!

Gin: What's going on?!

Gin: Did they pawn off five years of memories with Gin-san?!

Gin: How did you erase all the time spent with Gin-san?!

Gin: And worst of all...

Kin: Now, now. Have a drink, Gin-san or whatever.

Kin: We may not be related by blood,

Kin: but men can form bonds by having a drink together.

Kin: If you're having problems, let me know,

Kin: brother!

Gin: ...he's a much better main character than Gin-san!

Kag: Super, Kin-chan! That's why I love you!

Shin: Way to be a man, Kin-san!

Gin: And he's much better liked than Gin-san!

Kin: Well, let's get going.

Oto: Honestly, he's too nice.

Don't do anything stupid.

Kin: Yeah, I'll leave this here to be safe.

Kin: That'll cover this month's rent.

Oto: Hold on. I don't charge this much for rent.

Kin: Please, you must be getting old.

Kin: In that case, you might as well forget about your job

and go visit a hot spring.

Oto: Come back in one piece!

Gin: And he certainly has enough money to be golden!

Gin: My eyes! This guy is blinding me!

Gin: So my dull silver luster was devoured by his golden shine?!

Gin: That's why everyone forgot about

Gin-san and switched to Kin-san?!

Gin: Seriously?! Are you serious?!

Gin: Gin-san's given you over sixty volumes of DVDs!

Year,Caption: Year

Year,Caption: Year Year

Year,Caption: Year Year Year

Year,Caption: Year Year Year Year

Year,Caption: Year Year Year Year Year

Gin: If you line up sixty volumes of DVDs,

that's enough room

for Tamo-san to take a nap!

Gin: Sleep your heart out!

YanJan,Gin: Young Jump

Gin: Meanwhile, that guy's only been on a single DVD

KinDVD: ,Kintama Bonus DVD

that came with a volume of manga!

Gin: You can't even fit Tamo-san's sunglasses on that!

Gin: He's still wet behind the ears!

Gin: Yet, look at the love he's getting.

Gin: In half a year, while I was gone,

Gin: he's repainted this city, this anime, from silver to gold?!

Kin: So, Bro, about your request...

Kin: Do you want to punish your wife,

Kin: or do you want payback on the other man?

Kin: Which would you prefer?

Gin: Neither.

Kin: Huh?

Kin: What do you want to do then?

Gin: Forget about gold and silver!

Gin: I'm going to paint this town red!

Gin: Could you help me carry these DVDs?

Gin: Oh, sorry!

Gin: The sixty volumes are so heavy that my hands slipped!

Gin: You're going to die from the impact

of sixty volumes of DVDs to your skull!

Kag: Kin-chan!

Shin: Hey! What are you doing?!

Gin: Kochikame VHS tape collection slam!

Shin: Stop it!

Gin: If I let him survive, it'll be big trouble!

Gin: Complete One Piece DVD collection slam!

Shin: Stop!

Shi: Hey, stop it!

Gin: Naruto slam!

Gin: Bleach slam!

Shin: Didn't you hear me tell you to stop?!

Shin: What do you think you're doing to our Kin-san?!

Kin-chan! Kin-chan, get up!

Shin: You're despicable!

Shin: Kin-san was trying to help you, a total stranger!

Kag: Kin-chan!

Shin: How could you do this to him?!

Gin: Hold on, Pachi-boy.

Gin: I'm not a total stranger.

Shin: Don't call me Pachi-boy!

Shin: How do you have the nerve?

Gin: Tell me you're lying, Kagura!

Gin: This is all an act, right?

Gin: You're trying to trick me again.

Kag: Get lost.

Kag: Never show your face in this town again.

Kag: If you come near Kin-chan again, you'll get it.

Gin: W-Wait, Shinpachi! Kagura!

Gin: Who is this Kin-san you keep talking about?!

Gin: Didn't the three of us work together as Odd Jobs?!

Gin: Are you saying the sixty volumes of DVDs

we spent together meant nothing?!

Shin: What are you talking about?

Shin: We spent sixty volumes of DVDs

with Kin-san!

Shin: A-A samurai?

Kin: Enough jabbering.

Kin: Are you in heat, fool?

Gin: Every episode's been edited!

Gin: I-Impossible!

Gin: This is... This is...

Gin: Wh-Who would have done an edit job worse

than To Love-Ru Doki Doki?!

Kyu: You think you can b*at the lightning speed of my sword?!

Gin: This one, too?!

Otae: Is he okay?

Otae: His hair's so wavy.

Otae: Perhaps he needs help?

Kyu: No, you should stay away from him.

Kyu: He might be one of those wavy-haired con artists.

Kyu: Let sleeping waves lie.

Otae: But we can't just ignore him.

Otae: I know. Let's ask Kin-san for help.

Kyu: Yes, Kintoki has helped us many times.

Kyu: He'll know what to do.

Gin: What's going on?

Gin: This DVD is also...

Sa: Guess who?

Gin: Sa-chan!

Gin: Do you recognize me?

Sa: Who are you?!

Sa: That's odd. I thought he was Kin-san.

Gin: So this DVD is also...

Tsu: What do you think?

This is the Kabuki district, where Kintoki and his friends live.

Hino: Oh, it reminds me of Yoshiwara.

Sei: Right?

There's strands of torn-out hair everywhere.

Gin: And this one!

Zura: Hurry, Elizabeth!

ESign,Caption: Win the Costume Grand Prix!!

Zura: We've spent six months perfecting

our techniques to use against Kin-chan!

Zura: Why would you do that?

Zura: Cut me some slack!

Zura: Okay, you pass!

Gin: I-I haven't just been forgotten.

Gin: My existence has been wiped clean from this town,

from the sixty volumes of DVDs...

Gin: Sakata Gintoki's accomplishments and history

Gin: have been stolen by Sakata Kintoki!

Gin: Pops, give me another one so I can forget everything.

Pop: Honestly, you should stop for the night.

Gin: If it's money you're worried about, don't.

Gin: You'll forget I was ever here soon enough.

Pop: What are you talking about?

Kin: Give me a hot one, Pops.

Kin: One for this guy, too.

Kin: Oh, sir. Thank you.

Kin: There are times when men have no choice

but to drink.

Kin: Right, Bro?

Kin: What happened?

Gin: Nothing.

Gin: I have nothing left.

Gin: Nothing at all...

Kin: Did you lose at the tracks?

Gin: Yeah, something like that.

Gin: I gambled my life and lost it all in a single night.

Kin: A golden horse stole victory at the very last second?

Gin: B-Bastard!

Kin: Calm down, Bro.

Kin: I bought you a drink as a peace offering.

Kin: Sit down and join me.

Gin: Don't mess with me!

Kin: I told you to drink.

Gin: B-Bastard!

Gin: Who the hell are you?!

Gin: What did you do to Shinpachi and everyone else?!

Kin: I didn't do a thing.

Kin: Didn't you watch the DVDs?

Kin: They should have been self-explanatory.

Gin: Bullshit! I was the one who did everything!

Kin: But how can you prove it?

Kin: You're the only one who believes that.

Kin: Nobody can even remember you.

Kin: I can guess what you're thinking.

Kin: That I'm using illusions to trick everyone.

Kin: But there's another way to look at it.

Kin: You're the one who's gone crazy.

Kin: Your memories are all delusions.

Kin: As you watched my success,

you began to think that you were me.

Kin: Maybe, as you were watching those sixty DVD volumes,

you were fantasizing that they were about you.

Gin: That's impossible!

Kin: But you're the only person in

this world who thinks that way.

Kin: Don't you get it?

Kin: You're the one who's crazy.

Kin: You're the only one complaining.

Kin: Weren't you watching?

Kin: Life goes on just fine without you.

Kin: I dare say it's going better than in your fantasy world.

Kin: That's reality.

Kin: Nobody's looking at you.

Kin: Nobody needs you.

Kin: Because I'm here.

Kin: There's no place for you here.

A: Hey, watch where you're going!

B: Hold it right there!

A: I told you to wait!

Gin: Yeah, he's right.

Mid: Damn drunk!

Mid: Don't show your face in this town again!

Gin: I'm the one who isn't needed in this world.

Yarase: ,You Will Not Defeat Me!

Gin: I'm the one who doesn't belong in a prime time anime.

A: Sir, time's up.

B: S-Sir?

C: Wait, look!

Mid: B-Boss!

Gin: I'm b*rned...

Gin: Completely b*rned out...

Gin: Not gold, not silver...

Gin: I've been reduced to white ash.

End,Caption: The End

A: Don't try to end the show so you don't have to pay up!

B: It's not over yet! There's plenty more to come!

B: Stand up!

B: Stand up, bastard!

Gin: Shut up, dog.

Gin: Leave me alone.

Gin: You can ignore a side character like me.

Gin: I told you to go away...

Gin: Sadaharu...

Gin: Sadaharu, do you recognize me?

Tama: I found you.

Tama: The gold hasn't gotten to one person, one animal,

Tama: and one machine.

: I've been looking for you, Master Gintoki.

Gin: Ta-Tama...

Gin: Why are you...

Tama: Do not worry.

Tama: The rest of the world may have forgotten about you,

but you will always remain in my data bank.

Tama: Because I always hold the reset button when

I turn off the power and go to sleep.

Tama: I'm sure you do the same thing.

Tama: True,

your luster may not have been as bright as gold...

Tama: You only shined on occasion.

Tama: You were always arguing and fighting.

Tama: You had wavy hair. You were lazy.

Tama: You were the king of sexual harassment.

Tama: You never paid the rent.

Tama: You paid your people late.

Tama: Still, you were brighter than the fake glint of gold plating.

Tama: When you were angry, your entire soul was enraged.

Tama: When you laughed, you laughed with all your heart.

Tama: Your silver was much more beautiful.

Tama: You haven't forgotten that light, have you?

Tama: You haven't allowed that fake light to trick you, have you?

Tama: In that case, you should stand up and take this sword

Tama: to repaint this world that has been repainted gold.

Tama: You will never lose to Sakata Kintoki.

Poster,Caption: Kin-chan has your backOdd Jobs Kin-chan

Tama: You won't lose to a blond. You won't lose to straight hair.

Tama: You won't lose to gold.

Toyadark,Tama: Lake Toya

Tama: Try to remember what color your soul is.

Gin: I haven't forgotten.

Gin: I will never forget.

Gin: My soul has been colored by every one of you fools.

Gin: It's a dirty silver!

Gin: This isn't over yet.

Gin: I'm just getting started.

Wall,EpTitle: Gintama Episode Nobody with Straight Blond Hair Can Be That Good

Ep Title ,EpTitle: Nobody with Straight Blond Hair Can Be That Good

Gin: We're taking back our color.

Gin: We're taking down this world of gold!

Wall: ,Gintama Episode Nobody with Straight Blond Hair Can Be That Good

Gin: Let's go!

Odd Jobs ,Caption: Odd Jobs Kin-chan

Gin: Uh, excuse me.

Gin: Is Kintoki-kun here?

Kin: Sorry, I'm taking a bath right now.

Kin: Could you wait a bit?

Gin: Oh, it's okay.

Gin: Then I'll leave this letter of challenge here.

Gin: Oh, maybe I should just come back.

Tama: What are you doing?

Are you here to fool around? Are you an idiot?

Gin: Well, for some reason, it feels awkward

to step inside my own home,

Gin: but at the same time, I don't want to wreck my own place.

Tama: Come over here.

Do you believe we can win without a plan?

Tama: I'll be blunt.

The way things stand now, it's impossible for you to win.

Gin: Didn't you just say I will never lose?

Tama: Straight blond hair, honest, and fairly well-off.

Tama: How could you ever defeat someone who has conquered

every one of your weaknesses?

Gin: Huh? What?

Gin: Are you trying to b*at my ass

or tear my rectum out of my ass?

Which is it?

Tama: I'm b*ating your ass with your rectum.

Tama: Start by reading this.

Tama: You must know your enemy before you can start a w*r.

Gin: An instruction manual? Are you serious?

Manual,Caption: Instruction ManualConfidential

Gin: How am I supposed to find information about him in here?

Gin: He's not a plastic model.

Kin: Sorry to keep you waiting.

Kin: I was washing my head.

Kin: Huh? Nobody's here?

Tama: Yes, Sakata Kintoki was created

by Gengai-sama at the request of

Tama: Shinpachi-sama and Kagura-sama as a substitute Odd Jobs leader.

Tama: A perfect Sakata Gintoki who had overcome his weaknesses.

Perfect,Caption: Ginpla CollectionPerfect Kintoki

Tama: The Perfect Super Golden Alloy, Sakata Gintoki Unit .

Tama: Or Kin-san, for short.

Ep Title ,Caption: To be continued...

Next Ep Title,Caption: Kintoki and Gintoki

Kin: Next time on Kintama:

Kin: Kintoki and Gintoki.