07x18 - Amen

[bunniefuu]

Sign: Snack Otose

Sign: Tama's request: Please watch this program in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV.

T: To err is human,

T: but so, too, is to repent for those mistakes

T: and learn from them.

G: Tama-chan!

G: I'll be frank and apologize.

G: Thanks for listening to my confession.

T: No problem. Take good care of your wife.

G: Hey, Yosaku!

G: If you're done, then scram already!

G: There's a line waiting here!

G: Tama-chan, listen to my confession next!

G: You just want to have a chat with her, don't you?

G: Like you're one to talk!

Gin: Hey, what's all this racket?

Shin: Is she giving consultations or something?

Kag: It looks more like a confessional booth.

O: She was only lending an ear to whining drunkards at first.

O: Perhaps they found it easier to spill the beans to a machine.

O: Now I don't know if this is a snack bar or a church.

Shin: But aren't you getting more customers thanks to that?

O: Nah, they're all more interested in confessing than drinking alcohol.

G: Tama-chan!

G: I hereby swear never to drink alcohol again!

O: We're even getting people like him.

C: Listen up, you louts!

C: This is a mecca for old men to partake in alcohol and wholesome debauchery.

C: If you're not interested in me, then get the hell outta here!

C: Tama-sama, being too risque is a sin too, isn't it?

T: Not to worry.

T: You aren't the least bit risque.

T: Just grotesque.

C: Who are you calling Dr. Gero?!

C: Want me to marry you off to Krillin, you damn artificial human?!

O: Well, I don't really mind, if being of help to people makes Tama happy.

Gin: That won't do, Gran.

Gin: I've heard your confession.

Gin: Leave your repentance to me.

Title: Amen

T: Um, Gintoki-sama...

Robo,Sign: Robokko's Confessional

T: What is this?

G: Rejoice. You have your own shop now.

G: Listen to confessions here from now on.

Yen,Sign: yen per confession!!

Repent,Sign: Would you like to repent for your sins?

Privacy,Sign: Complete privacy guaranteed. All confessions heard will be deleted from memory.

T: Are you telling me to turn it into a business? I can't take money for this.

Gin: No problem.

Gin: % of the revenue will go to Gran as rent,

Gin: and % will go to me as compensation for my assistance.

T: Gintoki-sama, a different problem has popped up now.

Gin: Don't get the wrong idea.

Gin: I just want to help you fulfill your dream of being of use to humans.

Gin: With this, the people who confess to you will gain salvation.

Gin: And so will you, for being of use to them.

Gin: And lastly, so will my finances.

Gin: Everybody wins.

T: I think that last person is beyond salvation.

Robo ,Sign: Robokko's Confessional

Gin: Anyway, you simply have to do what you've always done here.

T: But...

Gin: Don't worry. If you run into trouble, I'll be standing by in back to help you.

Gin: So go break a leg.

T: O-Okay.

Gin: Who would've thought there was such a great way to make money?

Gin: I repent the fact

Gin: that I was running a worthless business like Odd Jobs until now.

C: Uh, excuse me.

Gin: Oh, someone's here already.

C: I'd like to remain anonymous, if possible.

T: Oh, rest assured.

T: Your face isn't visible from here,

T: and your voice has been altered using that special mic.

C: That's a relief.

C: In that case, could you listen to my confession?

Gin: He must be around fifteen or sixteen.

Gin: Teenage boys do worry about the most pointless things.

C: I've committed a huge sin.

C: I'm undergoing my apprenticeship at a certain place,

C: but the boss there is a piece of shit.

Gin: Yeah, that happens to everyone.

C: Even though he works me to death,

C: he doesn't pay me on time,

C: he's stingy, shady,

C: and his feet are stinky.

Gin: Yeah, that guy sounds pretty shitty.

Gin: Does someone that awful really exist?

C: So the other day, I got kinda mad

C: and threw the mop while cleaning his room,

C: only to have it hit one of his treasures and break it.

C: Lady Robokko,

C: will my sin be forgiven?

T: Gintoki-sama?

Gin: There's no need to apologize for that.

Gin: Such a piece of shit deserves to have all his stuff destroyed.

T: The heavens declare that you are blameless,

T: and that your shitty boss will be subject to divine punishment.

C: I see. That sounds about right.

C: I mean, he's always putting me through hell.

C: Then, as much as it hurts me to do this,

C: it's already broken, anyway.

C: Why would you buy the weather reporter's figurine?

C: For an adult, that's way too creepy!

C: Here's your divine punishment!

C: Thank you.

C: Amen.

T: Amen.

Gin: Uh, what is that?

T: Looks like a figurine of Ketsuno Ana.

Gin: Oh, is that so?

Gin: For such a shitty boss, he sure has good taste.

Gin: All right. Let's keep this up.

T: Okay.

T: Anybody else?

C: Um...

C: I came from space to marry into the human race,

C: but my husband's a runny piece of shit.

C: He doesn't work or provide for the family,

C: is stingy, shady, has stinky feet and stinky feces.

Gin: Hey, isn't she talking about the shitty boss from earlier?

T: No.

T: This one's not a piece of shit. He's a runny piece of shit.

C: So the other day, I got kinda mad

C: and tried to doodle on his face while he was asleep,

C: but then a mop came flying at me...

Gin: Isn't that the mop from earlier?

Gin: The piece of shit really was the runny piece of shit!

C: So I broke the mop in two,

C: only for one half to pierce his figurine,

C: and the other to pierce the runny piece of shit himself.

Gin: Huh? Is he all right?

Gin: Is the runny piece of shit still alive?

C: But he just kept sleeping, so I left him that way.

Gin: You don't think that's because he slipped into eternal sleep?!

C: Lady Robokko, will my sin be forgiven?

T: Isn't this m*rder?

Gin: Nope.

Gin: All she did was kick the feces lying on the street to the side.

Gin: I bet that's made Edo a little bit cleaner.

T: The heavens are overjoyed by your actions.

T: There's sure to be blessings headed your way.

C: Really?

C: The mop's still lodged in him. Is that really okay?

Gin: It's fine. Leave it stuck in him.

Gin: That's his cross

Gin: to bear.

C: That's a relief.

C: Amen.

Gin: Amen?

T: Gintoki-sama?

T: Gintoki-sama, are you all right?

Gin: Wh-What do you mean?

Gin: I'm perfectly fine!

T: Really?

T: What about the mop stuck to your backside?

Gin: Huh? Mop?

Robo,Sign: Robokko's Confessional

T: Indeed. It was stuck there from the moment I met you today.

Gin: Is that so?

T: I figured I shouldn't stick my nose where it doesn't belong,

T: considering the mop was already stuck pretty deep.

Gin: Huh?

Gin: Oh, you mean this?

Gin: Rather than sticking into my butt, it was sticking out of it!

Gin: I mistook the mop for yakisoba yesterday and ate it, you see.

T: Really?

Gin: Really! Don't get the wrong idea!

Gin: It's got nothing to do with the mop mentioned in those confessions, okay?

T: I know that.

Gin: Yeah, they're not related at all.

Gin: Everybody loves Ketsuno Ana,

Gin: and I'm sure everyone's had a mop s*ab their ass without knowing it, once or twice.

Gin: It couldn't have been them!

Gin: Sure, their chins seemed familiar,

Gin: but save for Inoki, all of mankind has similar chins.

Gin: It's all good!

Gin: I'm sure my Ketsuno Ana's fine,

Gin: and that my ketsunoana's fine, too!

Gin: I'm overthinking this!

T: Anybody else?

Gin: There's a chin more recognizable than Inoki's!

T: They wish to remain anonymous, apparently.

Gin: There's basically no point to anonymity here!

T: Allow me to translate.

T: "I'm a certain someone's pet,

T: but my owner's an unbelievable piece of diarrhetic shit."

Gin: Why is his stomach getting worse and worse?

T: "He doesn't feed me properly or take me on walks,

T: and he has stinky feet. Also, he has stinky feet.

T: And to top it all off, he has stinky feet."

Gin: The stinkiness of his feet is all that's left now!

T: "So the other day, I got kinda mad

T: and went to take a dump on his face while he was asleep,

T: but it was runnier than expected and

T: sprayed all the way to my friend mopping up the room."

Gin: What the hell were you guys doing to that piece of diarrhetic shit?

T: "That made my friend slip and throw the mop,

T: which another friend broke in half.

T: One half lodged in the piece of diarrhetic shit's ass."

Gin: It was all connected?

Gin: Your diarrhea was the cause of everything?!

T: "That made him get up via spinal reflex

T: and hit my crotch.

T: The blow sent me flying,

T: and when I came to, I found an unfamiliar person crushed beneath me.

T: There was blood everywhere,

T: and he wouldn't move no matter how much I tried to wake him up.

T: I was really, really scared,

T: so I hid the body in the piece of diarrhetic shit's closet."

Gin: You're the scariest of them all!

T: "Lady Robokko, will my sin be forgiven?"

Gin: Oh my God!

Gin: It was them!

Gin: Not only did they mess up my Ketsuno Ana and my ketsunoana,

Gin: they topped it off by confessing to an unbelievable sin!

Robo ,Sign: Robokko's Confessional

T: Um, Gintoki-sama?

T: How should he repent for his sin?

T: Um, Gintoki-sama?

Gin: Get rid of it.

Gin: I said, go dump whatever's in that closet into the river

Gin: before divine judgment rains down upon you, you damn meatball!

Robo ,Sign: Robokko's Confessional

T: Um...

T: Rather than repenting for his sin, he'll be committing another—

Gin: When the two sins collide, they'll cancel each other out.

T: Is that how it works?

T: I'll add that to my database.

C: Hey.

C: Mind listening to this old man's confession?

Gin: Sorry, but we're busy right now,

Gin: so could you come back—

C: I've committed a horrible sin.

C: The thing is,

C: I was walking the streets with my friend when a massive furball fell from the sky.

C: We got hit head-on by the thing and passed out.

C: When I came to, my friend was nowhere to be found.

C: If I knew things would end up this way,

C: I would never have taken him out of the castle!

C: How am I supposed to apologize to you—

C: no, to the nation?!

C: Sho-chan!

Gin: Don't tell me.

Gin: Don't tell me!

Gin: The body that furball hid in the closet...

Gin: It's the shogun?!

Gin: Jesus!

Gin: Th-Those guys assassinated the shogun

Gin: and then hid his corpse in my room behind my back?!

Gin: This is bad!

Gin: An "amen" won't be enough to write this off!

Gin: If anyone finds out, every last drop of my ***** fluids will be eradicated!

Gin: **men!

Gin: What am I to do?

T: Calm down.

T: This Sho-chan person has only gone missing.

T: We don't know for sure that he's dead, right?

Gin: Right!

Gin: For now, just make him leave before this comes back to bite us!

C: I've already looked everywhere I could.

T: But aren't there cases where, if you calm down and look,

T: you'll find whatever you were looking for unexpectedly close to you?

T: Like in a closet.

Gin: She's letting the shogun's crotch snake come out to bite us!

C: I see! A closet, huh?

C: All right. I'll try investigating all the closets in this area.

C: Thank you.

C: Amen!

T: Amen.

Gin: Don't amen me!

Gin: C-Calm down.

Gin: I ordered him to get rid of the shogun's corpse, remember?

Gin: He must've been washed way downstream by now.

C: Um, excuse me.

C: Can I go next?

C: You see, I've committed a horrible sin.

Gin: That beard looks familiar.

C: How should I say this? I betrayed my friend, or something like that.

Gin: Wait, why is he drenched? I don't remember it raining.

C: Actually, due to various circumstances,

C: I'm a vagabond who's lost his home and family.

C: Unable to bear the sight, my friend offered to let me freeload at his place.

C: Or, well, it felt to me like he offered.

Gin: Doesn't that mean you basically just intruded on him?

Gin: So I took Gin-san—

Gin: ...my friend up on his offer and started living at his place.

Gin: Wasn't he about to say "Gin-san" just now?

C: This place has no food or A/C, and is basically no different from living in the park,

C: so I had to make do with eating the dog food I stole,

C: but it seems like they found out,

C: because the sliding door to my room was suddenly opened

C: and I was dumped in the river before I could get a word in.

C: I barely made it out alive before running all the way here.

Gin: Huh?

Gin: Could it be that

Gin: completely unbeknownst to me,

Gin: aside from the shogun's corpse, a living corpse was also freeloading in my closet?!

C: Apart from dog food, I was also sneaking as many bites as I could

C: of pudding and the like from the fridge without being caught.

C: I wonder if that made him angry.

Gin: Wait a minute! What about the shogun, then?

Gin: Did the furball mistake him for the shogun and throw him in the river?

Gin: That'd mean the shogun's still in my closet!

C: Will the sin I committed be forgiven?

Gin: I fully understand your desire to repent.

Gin: Now prove that it is real with your actions

Gin: and throw yourself into the river one more time.

C: What?!

C: H-Hold on, Lady Robokko!

Gin: Was anybody else living in the closet with you?

C: Huh? Actually, I did sense a person in the upper level.

Gin: Take that person and throw yourself into the river one more time.

Gin: If you do, the heavens and your friend alike

Gin: will consider the pudding case water under the bridge.

C: No, everything but the pudding is getting swept under the bridge!

Gin: You mustn't come up until I say it's okay.

Gin: Amen.

C: Don't amen me!

T: Sorry, but when we say "amen," your session is over, so please leave.

C: Hold it!

C: Seriously? Are you seriously going "amen" with that?!

T: Amen.

Gin: Th-That was close!

Gin: But now I've taken countermeasures.

Gin: The evidence should be destroyed this time for sure!

Robo ,Sign: Robokko's Confessional

C: Um, excuse me.

C: Could you listen to me?

C: I was living with my boyfriend,

C: but this filthy guy with a goatee suddenly showed up and threw me into the river.

Gin: It was you?!

C: He was clinging to me pretty persistently,

C: so I finished him off before running all the way here.

C: I wonder if Gin-sa—

C: ...my boyfriend was behind it.

C: True, I did eat his half-eaten puddings and say they were indirect kisses, but...

Gin: You were just kissing that filthy goatee indirectly!

C: I was wondering if that kind of thing might've pissed him off.

Gin: Shouldn't you guys be repenting for stuff other than the pudding?!

Gin: Wait a second.

Gin: Just where is the shogun, then?

Gin: Uh, was anybody else living in the closet with you and that filthy goatee?

C: I didn't see anyone else.

C: Why do you ask?

Gin: Could it be that the shogun was never in my closet in the first place?

Gin: Could it be that the furball hurt either her or the goatee,

Gin: and that while the shogun's case sounded similar, it was completely unrelated?

Gin: That's it! That's gotta be it!

Gin: The crime was occurring in the meeting room, not on the scene!

C: So, how do I get my boyfriend to forgive me?

Gin: You don't have to worry. I'm sure he's forgotten all about it already.

C: What, really?! Is it "amen"?!

Gin: It's totally "amen."

Gin: Even the heavens are saying they'll forgive you as a special service

Gin: if you buy some fresh pudding and put it in the fridge.

C: Ah, that's such a relief.

C: Actually, I had a feeling that was the case.

C: Otherwise, when he dumped me in the river,

C: he wouldn't have thrown me a life buoy.

Gin: Forget the meeting room, the crime was occurring in the confessional booth!

C: Well, I should return this life buoy to him along with the pudding.

C: Amen.

Gin: Wait!

Gin: I take back the amen!

Gin: Cancel the amen!

T: What's wrong, Gintoki-sama?

Gin: Tama, quickly confiscate what she's carrying

Gin: and leave it in front of the police station!

T: I'm not sure I follow, but very well.

Gin: Listen! Don't let anyone spot you in the act!

Gin: I should've done this all along.

Gin: The best way to deal with things like this is to dump it on the police.

C: Um, excuse me.

C: Could I have a moment?

Gin: Ack! That uniform!

C: Isn't Tama-san here?

C: Actually, I saw her doing something weird outside our station.

Gin: She messed up!

Gin: Someone saw her leaving the shogun's corpse there!

C: Um, the thing Tama-san left there...

C: This pudding. I ended up eating it.

C: Will I be forgiven?

Gin: What are you even talking about?!

Gin: Yes, I said to confiscate what she was carrying,

Gin: but learn to take a hint, damn it!

Pudding,Sign: Pudding

C: I knew it wasn't the right thing to do, but it was Tama-san's pudding...

Gin: What happened to the shogun, then?

C: I was wondering if she remembered the marriage meeting from before

C: and left the pudding for me, or something.

Gin: Shut it!

Gin: I don't have time to waste on you, pudding-for-brains!

Gin: Hang on.

Gin: I could use this guy!

C: What did you say?!

C: Tama-san found the shogun's corpse?!

Gin: But given the gravity of the situation,

Gin: she couldn't just report it to the cops.

Gin: The heavens are telling me that if you say you're the one who found the corpse

Gin: and report it as the Joi rebels' doing,

Gin: you'll get to taste Tama's pudding again.

C: Oh, hello? Hijikata-san?

C: I found the shogun's corpse.

C: There's a dying message that says "Zura."

C: Yes.

C: Please handle the emergency preparations.

C: Pudding.

Gin: Pudding.

C: I need to go forge the dying message.

Gin: All right! Everything's settled now!

Robo ,Sign: Robokko's Confessional

Gin: Wow, things are getting chaotic now.

C: Excuse me.

C: I need to talk to you.

C: Not for a confession, but to ask you to help with our investigation.

Gin: Huh? It sure is noisy outside. Did something happen?

C: The thing is, we got intel that the shogun was assassinated.

C: But when we got there,

C: instead of the shogun, we found one of our men instead.

Message,Sign: I'm not {\c&H F &\b }Zura{\c&H &\b }, I'm Katsura! It looks like you're not home, so I'll come another time. P.S. Cancolle Kai's final boss is pretty hard. Did you k*ll him, Gintoki?

C: We found this dying message.

Gin: Zura came to hang out at the worst possible time!

C: He wrote a lot of drivel,

C: but most of it was to throw off the enemy.

C: What he wanted to tell us was the last line:

Message,Sign: P.S. Cancolle Kai's final boss is pretty hard. Did you k*ll him, Gintoki?

C: "Did you k*ll him, Gintoki?"

Gin: He even caused an extremely annoying miracle!

C: Do you know this Gintoki guy?

Gin: No, can't say I do.

Gin: Hold it right there! Gintoki didn't do it!

Gin: He didn't k*ll the shogun, pudding-for- brains, or Cancolle Kai's final boss!

C: I see.

C: Sorry for causing you trouble.

C: Amen.

Gin: A-Amen.

Gin: Crap!

Gin: The shogun was bad enough by himself, but now I've been accused of another crime!

Gin: And where the hell is the shogun?

C: Excuse me.

C: I'd appreciate it if you could hear me out.

Gin: I don't have time for that crap right now!

Gin: I'm the one who wants to confess—

C: Is that so? Forgive me.

C: I'll come again.

Gin: He was alive!

Gin: The shogun was alive!

Gin: I was wrong for trying to take advantage of people's desire to repent for their sins

Gin: and make money off of it!

Gin: I'll repent for my mistake!

Gin: I'll never do anything like this again!

Gin: So please, God, Buddha, Shogun!

Gin: Please forgive me!

Gin: I beg of you! I'll give you yen!

C: Um, er...

C: I don't really understand,

C: but if you're regretting it that much,

C: I'm sure the heavens will forgive you.

Gin: Huh? Really?

Gin: Really, really?!

Gin: It's a miracle!

Gin: This is a confession!

Gin: Heaven won't abandon one who repents for his sins from the bottom of his heart!

Gin: I underestimated you, confession.

Gin: Forgive me, confession.

Gin: I'll turn over a new leaf and become an upstanding citizen, no matter what!

C: Is that so? What a coincidence.

C: You see, I came here looking to make up my mind to live a new life.

Gin: Huh?

Gin: The thing is, a certain someone saved me when I was lying hurt on the road,

Gin: but it seems I'd hit my head pretty hard.

Gin: I've lost my memories.

Gin: Huh?

C: But I've decided to cast my past away here, ask for forgiveness,

C: and live life with my eyes on the future.

C: Together with Katsura-san here.

Kat: Mark my words. You'll make a great Joi Rebel.

Kat: Together, let us bring down the rotten bakufu and with it, the shogun!

C: Sure, Katsura-san.

P: There he is!

P: Finally found you!

P: Hey, you got anything to say?

P: Aren't you going to confess and beg for forgiveness?

Robo ,Sign: Robokko's Confessional

Gin: Not really.

Caution,Sign: Caution: Cameras flashing.

Sign: Preview

Breaking,Sign: Breaking News:

Man,Sign: Unemployed man residing in the Kabuki District arrested for obstruction of justice.

Rep: Breaking news:

Rep: Sakata Gintoki was arrested on charges of obstruction of justice.

Arrested,Sign: Arrested{red} on charges of Obstruction of Justice Unemployed Suspect Sakata Gintoki

Rep: In response to the questioning,

Title: Being a Leader Is Tough

Gin: "Being a Leader Is Tough,"

Rep: was the statement he gave.

Rep: We're waiting to see how the investigation unfolds.

text r: The protagonist has been arrested!!!

text l: Wait, this continues next week!!!

text r: Oh, well. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

text l: You may be a mere foot soldier there, Shogun, but I choose you!!