Gintama,OP Card: Gintama
Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc
Warning,Warning: Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!
Gol: Don't do it. You'll be mincemeat if you fall from this high up.
Mad: Don't get the wrong idea.
Mad: I just want to know if I still have the wings to fly.
Mad: And I came here to find out, is all.
Gol: Life is precious. Don't throw it away.
Title: Life, Death, and Shades
Mad: Look who's talking!
Mad: You totally wanna lay waste to a life!
Mad: You're totally trying to k*ll someone, right? You're an assassin, aren't you?!
Gol: Don't get the wrong idea. I'm just here to hunt boars.
Mad: From how far away are you trying to hunt boars?!
Mad: Really, don't be stupid. Don't commit a m*rder.
Gol: I don't wanna hear that from a suicidal man.
Mad: I don't wanna hear that from an assassin!
Gol: I don't wanna hear that from a man wearing filthy-ass shades.
Mad: I don't wanna hear that from a man wearing lame-ass shades!
Gol: Your shades are more lame.
Mad: Nah, your shades are more lame.
Gol: Let me be honest.
Gol: I couldn't care less what kind of shades you wear, or when and where you wear them.
Mad: We're talking about shades now?!
Gol: Besides, do you really have it in you to jump?
Gol: You've been doing this every day for the past month.
Mad: Even though I want to die,
Mad: thinking about shades smashing into the ground makes my shades tremble.
Mad: You're an assassin, right?
Mad: Do you know a way to die that isn't scary or sad and doesn't hurt or break shades?
Gol: You're basically saying you don't wanna die.
Mad: If nothing else, I want my shades to live on!
Gol: Can't you just take them off before you die?
Gol: I'm an assassin, you know.
Gol: If I stop to think about how my victims feel, I couldn't do my—
Mad: Oh, I know!
Mad: I could just have you k*ll me!
Gol: Wha—
Mad: You could send me to heaven in one sh*t, without letting me feel any pain or fear!
Gol: Screw you. Do you have any idea how much money is involved in each of my sh*ts?
Gol: I don't waste my rounds.
Gol: Be it when I'm k*lling my targets
Gol: or when I'm making love to women.
Gol: All it takes is one sh*t. It's over in an instant.
G: Huh? Done already, CEO?
Gol: That's my creed.
One_and_Done,Sign: One and Done
Gol: and that's where my moniker of "One and Done Synshen" comes from.
Synshen,Sign: Synshen
Mad: They're just mocking you for sh**ting your load early!
Mad: Guess I'll have to k*ll myself right here and now, then.
Gol: Wait, wait.
Gol: How about this?
Gol: You head to the roof of that skyscraper now.
Welcome_to_Earth,Sign: Welcome to Earth!!
Gol: My target is taking part in a welcoming party there.
Mad: You're really hunting a boar?!
Gol: Once I give the signal, jump off the roof.
Gol: When you fall into my crosshairs that will be aimed at my target,
Me,SignB: Me
Boar,SignR: Boar
Gol: I will pierce you both through with one sh*t.
Gol: That should do, right?
Mad: Aren't you making this too hard for yourself?
Mad: And the shades are being smashed to bits anyway!
Mad: I guess around here is fine.
Mad: Now I just have to wait for the signal.
Mad: With this, I can finally go to heaven—
Gol: Don't do it.
Gol: You'll be mincemeat if you fall from this high up.
Gol: Put yourself in the shoes of the lady who runs the cutlet place down there.
Gol: Actually, before all that...
Gol: Life is precious. Don't throw it away.
Mad: Really?! Here, too?!
Mad: There's an assassin here, too?!
Gol: If you don't want to die, leave at once.
Mad: But I do want to die!
Gol: I hear that One and Done Synshen is targeting this building.
Mad: Could he be an assassin hired by Synshen's enemy to k*ll him?
Mad: I have to go tell him right now, or the assassin who's gonna k*ll me will lose his...
Mad: Wait.
Gol: I see. Synshen is on that rooftop.
Gol: I must thank you for telling me.
Mad: Oh, you can just sh**t me in the head in return.
Gol: Sorry, but I can't do that.
Gol: Even an assassin has his creed.
Gol: The only people I k*ll arescumbags like Synshen.
Gol: Be it targets or women,
Gol: I don't go after those on the straight and narrow.
G: Huh? Done already, CEO?
Gol: That's where my moniker "Quickdraw Synron" comes from.
Quick,Sign: Quickdraw
Synron,Sign: Synron
Mad: Your moniker has nothing to do with your creed!
Mad: Are all assassins too quick to sh**t their loads?
Gol: How about we do this?
Gol: You head back to that building
Gol: and lure Synshen somewhere I can snipe him
Gol: using a scummy tactic.
Gol: If you do that, I promise to sh**t both you scumbags in the head.
Mad: This has gotten even more complicated!
Mad: I came here to die!
Mad: Why am I playing accomplice in an assassination?!
Mad: S-Synshen...
Mad: They got me.
Mad: Run away.
Mad: The enemy already has the entire city under its control.
Mad: I wanted to let you know that your life is in grave danger...
Gol: Hey, hang in there!
Mad: B-Before I die, could you take me up there?
Gol: Just wait.
Mad: Hell yeah! He fell for it!
Gol: I'll get you to a hospital right away.
Mad: No, forget that. Just take me up there before I die.
Gol: You moron! Don't be so quick to say you're gonna die!
Mad: Why is he so full of passion?!
Gol: I told you that I'd k*ll you.
Gol: Don't you dare die until then.
Mad: He's a much nicer guy than I thought!
Mad: W-Wait. Aren't you a professional assassin?
Mad: Are you sure you should leave your job unfinished?
Gol: What do you think is more important? A job, or a person's life?
Mad: And who was it that was taking people's lives on the job?
Gol: Damn those scumbags.
Mad: Uh, you're the scumbag. Don't forget where you stand.
Gol: First they take my sister, and now they want to take my friend, too?
Mad: When did we become friends?!
Gol: What's going on?
Gol: Is there a sn*per on that rooftop, too?
Mad: Sorry, Synron-san! This is as far as I can go!
Mad: I mean, he's actually a really nice guy!
Gol: I'll be the decoy.
Gol: In the meantime, you use this to take out that sn*per.
Mad: Asking a half-dead guy to k*ll someone?
Mad: I can't tell if he's a nice guy or a bad guy anymore!
Gol: Don't die.
Mad: Like I said, I came here to die!
Mad: What the hell is going on?!
Mad: I came here to die!
Mad: I don't care anymore! I'll k*ll or whatever!
Mad: If I actually try to k*ll Synron, I'm sure he'll k*ll me.
Mad: He's already dead!
Mad: Hey! What are you doing?
Gol: S-Sorry, I screwed up.
Gol: I panicked and rushed to k*ll Synshen, but I failed to notice my rounds were gone.
Mad: He took that chance to hit you?
Gol: No, like I said...
Gol: I lost my rounds.
Mad: That really is one hell of a screw-up!
Gol: If I don't have any rounds, I can't k*ll you.
Mad: You don't need those round ones for that.
Gol: I'm no longer fit to be a sn*per.
G: Huh? Done already, CEO?
Mad: You were never fit and f*ring there anyway!
Gol: But it's fine.
Gol: Even if I did have the rounds, I wouldn't have been able to fire.
Gol: Some scumbag he was.
Gol: I can't believe he acted like that in front of his enemy in the middle of a hit job.
Gol: Do you know why my boss is being targeted by Synshen?
: This is what people call him behind his back:
: "sl*ve trader."
: The stuff he peddles includes people
: and Synshen's kid sister who was with him when he was an orphan.
: Only then did he start walking down the path of a scumbag.
: So when I saw him do that, I realized something.
: He came here as a brother trying to save his sister.
: Could you tell him something for me?
: "I don't have the rounds to sh**t you with anymore,
: but I still have enough to unload into scumbags!"
Mad: Unload those into me, not scumbags!
Mad: I'm done with this crap!
Mad: I'm just gonna jump off the roof!
Gol: It's been years since we were sold off.
Gol: Our appearances have changed completely since then,
Gol: and we even cast our names aside,
Gol: but it seems we both chose to walk down the same path to get our sibling back.
Gol: You don't have the rounds to sh**t me with anymore?
Gol: Ichiko, you never had any round ones to begin with.
Boar: You siblings would've been better off k*lling each other.
Boar: If you two can't settle things yourselves, I can help.
Gol: You were always like that, Ichiko.
Gol: You loved to dress up like a boy and play with us.
Gol: You're so mean, Ichiro-nii!
Gol: I'm out of water here!
Gol: That's why I keep telling you...
Gol: You're too quick to sh**t your load.
Gol: Jeez! How can I win, then?
Gol: Isn't that obvious?
Gol: You put everything you have into one sh*t.
Boar: Is he going to sh**t me along with his sister?
Gol: Get ready for my best sh*t.
Gol: Because I've already fired it.
Mad: If you can k*ll me, I'd like to see you try!
Mad: Man, in the end...
Mad: I didn't die!
Gol: Looks like your wings are still right there.
Mat: In our job, fieldwork is everything.
Special_Crash_Co,Sign: Special Crash Course for Upper Management Candidates
Mat: But in any organization, the skilled employees are the first to leave the field
Mat: and take up leadership roles.
Mat: All of you master investigators will learn how the nectar of authority tastes.
Mat: But I didn't promote you just so you could rot.
Mat: What I'm basically trying to say is,
Mat: no matter how far up the ladder you climb,
Mat: never forget the field where you came from.
Hij: Pearls of wisdom from the super boss who spends taxpayer money on cabaret clubs.
Kon: Don't be like that, Toshi.
Hij: We don't need a crash course. We're drowning in fieldwork every day.
Hij: I mean, we're full of idiots who think desk work means sleeping on a desk.
Hij: And who is he calling master investigators?
Hij: These useless rich kids who landed comfy jobs using their family names and contacts?
Kon: Hey, Toshi! They can hear you!
Hij: I want them to.
Hij: Oh, sorry. You're a rich kid from a famous family too, aren't you...
Hij: Mimawarigumi Chief Sasaki-dono?
Isa: No need to worry, Shinsengumi Vice Chief Hijikata-dono.
Isa: Once I become director-general, I'll effect elite reform by the elite for the elite.
Isa: For starters, maybe I should fire that napping thorny
Isa: and the dummy spreading secondhand smoke.
Isa: Don't you agree, Nobume-san?
Hij: Elite reform, my ass! Your subordinate is napping in class, too!
Nob: I'm not napping.
Nob: I'm snacking.
Japanese_for__Go,Sign: Japanese for Good Kids
Hij: They're both equally bad!
Oki: Hate to break it to ya, but I'm not napping, either.
Oki: I was pretending so people wouldn't figure out during recess that I have no friends.
Hij: Why the triumphant look?
Hij: Why are you two competing over school tropes?
Hij: Also, a guy messing with his phone during a lecture has no right to complain to me.
Isa: I'm merely noting down the important points.
Hij: And I'm using nicotine to clear my head so I can pay attention!
Isa: Crap, game over.
Hij: So you were just playing a mobile game!
Mat: Keep it down, you louts!
Mat: b*at it to the hallway in under three seconds,
Mat: or I'll blow your brains out.
Mat: One...
Title: All the Answers Can Be Found in the Field
All: What happened to two and three?!
Special_Crash_Co,Sign: Special Crash Course for Upper Management Candidates
Mat: So, yeah...
Mat: We'll have these guys act as guinea pigs, experience a crime scene, and investigate.
Mat: It's just a simulation, but I want you all to rack your brains along with them.
Hij: I don't care if it's a simulation or whatever. Bring it on.
Isa: Yes, though we'd rather not be compared to these people. Right, Nobume-san?
Records_of_the_T,Sign: Records of the Three Kingdoms
Nob: If you defeat Cao Cao early, you lose motivation
Nob: and stop caring about uniting China.
Oki: Cao Cao can be the last boss, then. Whoever defeats Wei first wins.
Kon: Okay, he said simulation, but not that kind!
Mat: A fictional crime scene will be displayed in VR.
Mat: Analyze the crime using the clues at the scene and identify the culprit.
Kon: Wh-What is this?
Kon: It's like the real thing!
Mat: This is HQ, you know. We have all the cutting-edge tech.
Mat: And we have files on every kind of case imaginable.
Mat: This case, based on a massive amount of data, is no different from the real thing.
Mat: Here's the gist of it. A corpse was found on this river bank.
Mat: An old lady living nearby was the first to find it.
Mat: She testified that she was here to do laundry when she saw it drift by from upstream.
Kon: What kind of case is this?!
Kon: HQ's case files clearly have folktales from Japan mixed in!
Mat: I hear a similar case happened in the past.
Kon: Like hell it did! This is Momotaro!
Hij: We don't know for sure that this is Momotaro yet.
Kon: Uh, he obviously is. He was even inside a peach.
Hij: Acting on misconceptions can lead to mistakes.
Kon: The granny was here to do laundry!
Hij: Pops, was the peach already split when it was found?
Mat: Granny testified that she pulled it out in this state when it came drifting by.
Kon: We're actually doing this? We're investigating this stupid case?
Hij: That's weird.
Hij: If he came drifting by in this state, Momotaro's body should be wet.
Kon: You just called him Momotaro. You admitted it is him, right?
Hij: Also, can an old lady really drag a peach with an adult inside all this way?
Hij: There's something off here.
Kon: Yeah, like an adult being inside a peach!
Hij: The granny probably wasn't alone when she found this.
Hij: What is Gramps's alibi?
Mat: Cutting grass in the mountains.
Kon: That was an alibi?!
Kon: It was something that scary?
Old_Man__Possess,Sign: Old ManPossession
Sickle,Sign: Sickle
Hij: Pops, get us a DNA comparison on Gramps's sickle and Momotaro's blood.
Kon: What are you thinking? That's terrifying!
Hij: The fatal wound matches the way the peach was split.
Hij: In other words, he was k*lled by the old couple when they split the peach.
Kon: What the hell kind of folktale is this?!
Hij: They didn't do it on purpose. It was an accident.
Hij: But that's why they fabricated alibis...
Isa: You're mistaken.
Isa: It seems you're the one who is shackled by the story of Momotaro.
Isa: That's why you overlooked a vital piece of evidence.
Hij: What?
Isa: You're too fixated on the man inside the peach, the granny's laundry,
Isa: and Gramps's grass cutting.
Isa: Hence, you assumed that this tragedy occurred at the start of the Momotaro story.
Isa: But that's a mistake. Why, you ask?
Isa: Ask yourself, why is Momotaro so big when he was only just born from the peach?
Kon: You're taking issue with that now?!
Kon: You ignore the "born from a peach" thing and take issue with that?!
Kon: And why are you shocked?!
Isa: Going from his filthy clothes and the lack of kibi dango,
Isa: we can tell that he'd already finished fighting the ogres.
Isa: This incident happened after the end of the story.
Hij: Then why was he inside a peach again?
Isa: Look at this wound.
Isa: There's pretty much no sign of blood loss.
Isa: This proves that he was already dead when he got the wound.
Isa: What that means is...
Isa: Somebody k*lled him and dumped him in the river
Isa: in order to frame that old couple for m*rder.
Kon: Why is this getting so complicated?!
Isa: It was all camouflage.
Isa: But thanks to that, we can narrow down the list of suspects.
Isa: When you consider Momotaro's situation after fighting the ogres,
Isa: the true culprit
Isa: can only be one of these three.
Isa: It is said that Momotaro's party brought back treasure from Onigashima.
Isa: But we're talking about animals and a peach-born monster here.
Isa: It's not hard to picture them fighting over the treasure.
Kon: How much must you corrupt Momotaro before you're satisfied?
Isa: Among them, the only one who can place such a cunning trap is the mon—
Oki: It wasn't the monkey.
Oki: Shackled by the story of Momotaro, you overlooked something vital.
Oki: Monkeys can't use money.
Kon: Why does Captain Obvious have such a smug look?!
Kon: Their reasoning is getting stupider by the minute!
Kon: And why do you have a look of shock?!
Oki: In other words, the real culprit is either the dog or the pheasant.
Kon: Dogs and pheasants can't use money, either!
Nob: You're wrong.
Nob: None of them is the culprit.
Nob: You're so shackled by the Momotaro story that you've gone blind.
Oki: What? How can you say for sure?
Nob: Because that'd be a pain.
Kon: She ultimately wrote it off as a pain!
Kon: Anyone would look shocked after that!
Hij: Well, they're all animals either way. Can't really question them.
Hij: Pops, I'd like to see the autopsy report.
Hij: There must be another fatal wound somewhere.
Mat: Sorry to say this, Toshi,
Mat: but this is the only external wound that stands out.
Mat: However, x-rays did find something strange in his trachea.
Mat: Something shaped like a dango.
Kon: Uh, he totally d*ed choking on kibi dango!
Isa: This is why I can't stand plebs. That's not kibi dango.
Isa: It's what the monkey pooped out after eating the kibi dango.
Isa: You know how monkeys throw their own poop? I knew it, the monkey was the culprit.
Isa: I was right. An elite was right.
Isa: Praise the elite.
Kon: You're not thinking like an elite now!
Hij: You stupid? The gramps and gran would obviously be the ones feeding him.
Hij: Tempted by the treasure, they choked him to death using kibi dango.
Hij: The old farts really were the culprits. I was right.
Hij: Praise mayonnaise.
Kon: Didn't you paint them in a totally different light before?
Isa: The monkey.
Hij: Gramps and gran.
Isa: The monkey.
Hij: Gramps and gran.
Isa: The monkey's gramps and gran.
Hij: Gramps and gran's monkey.
Isa: We agreed it was the monkey just now, right?
Oki: Okay, fine. Let's take the middle option and say it was the eunuch monkey.
Kon: Middle option of what? Where'd the gramps and gran go?
Nob: It can be Monkey and Aska's gramps and gran, then.
Kon: Wait, what happened to Chage?
Isa: At this point, let's settle this once and for all.
Isa: Director-General, it doesn't matter if they're animals.
Isa: Let us question Momotaro's party.
Mat: Oh, if you want them...
Mat: They're in here.
Kon: All the suspects have been eaten!
Isa: Wait, are you saying Momotaro was the perpetrator?
Isa: I see. So that's how it is.
Isa: They were stranded on the way back from Onigashima.
Isa: The sad fate of his party is proof enough.
Isa: Instead of treasure, they fought to eat each other's kibi dango and bodies.
Isa: And almost like divine punishment,
Isa: the last bite, his friend's kibi dango, got caught in his throat.
Isa: The one who k*lled him was none other than himself.
Kon: No way... That can't be.
Kon: How can such a laughable cause of death turn into something so sad?
Kon: Toshi...
Hij: This is what the field is like.
Hij: It shoves harsh realities and even harsher truths right into our faces.
Hij: But we must not avert our eyes.
Hij: As cops, we have the duty to find the truth even if it's shrouded in darkness.
Kon: T-Toshi!
Hij: Look at this.
No_sneaking_bite,Sign: No sneaking bites.
Hij: It's a bag.
Hij: It likely had kibi dango inside.
Hij: He probably didn't eat a single dango.
No_sneaking_bite,Sign: No sneaking bites.
Hij: He must've given them all to his friends and chewed on his sandals or something.
Hij: But they went down one after another.
Hij: Considering how he could eat crap like this,
Hij: he must've ended up being the last one alive.
Hij: The rest of the story is as you said.
Hij: He chose that path in order to live.
Hij: You can't eat a bag like this unless you have extreme resolve.
Hij: He must've really wanted to live...
Hij: His friends' share of life, too.
Kon: Toshi...
Isa: Are you saying that sappy crap was the kind of reality you saw?
Hij: That's right.
Hij: This is the truth I believe in, the truth I found at this crime scene!
Mat: Bzzt.
Mat: Too bad. Close, but no cigar.
Mat: You got the "Momotaro was k*lled" part right.
Mat: But this isn't Momotaro.
Mat: It's the boss of Onigashima, who ate the entire Momotaro party alive.
Mat: Disguised as Momotaro, he came to the mainland to eat more humans...
Mat: But he d*ed without achieving his goal.
Cause_of_Death,Sign: Cause of Death
Mat: Basically,
Mat: the real culprit is a brain tumor. That's it.
Mat: That's it.
Sign: The End
Mat: That's it!
Title: Leagues in Search of a Scabbard
Gin: Next time: " Leagues in Search of a Scabbard."
TextR: Sure, it's been a while since we've seen Tetsuko,
TextL: but she has a fair amount of screen time, like in the live-action movie.
TextR: Perhaps because he treated swords like crap at a smithy,
TextL: Gintoki's butthole gets att*cked by one!
09x05 - Life, Death, and Shades/All the Answers Can Be Found in the Field
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Japanese manga series where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Tokyo, an unemployed samurai finds work however he can.
Japanese manga series where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Tokyo, an unemployed samurai finds work however he can.