G: Who goes there?
G: You must be Senbe the Manslayer.
G: Prepare to go down!
Gintama,OP Card: Gintama
Slip Arc,OP Card: Slip Arc
Tet: This is a great sword.
Warning: Watch the Slip Arc in a bright roomand at a safe distance from your TV!
Tet: It's nameless, but sharp.
Tet: Looks like it ran wild with its wielder in the past,
Tet: but it's being taken care of now.
Tet: Must belong to a retired general.
Shin: Tetsuko-san, that sword is actually a memento of Otose-san's late husband.
Tet: Oh...
Smithy,Sign: Smithy
Tet: I'll deliver it nice and sharpened tomorrow.
Tet: I'm sure it wants to go home soon, too.
Kag: Tetsuko, you can talk to swords? You're amazing!
Tet: It's not like that.
Kag: What about that one? What's it saying?
Tet: The number of battles it's gone through and the amount of blood it has spilled
Tet: is way higher than any other sword.
Tet: But it's been used as a weight for cup ramen way more than any other sword, too.
Gin: Man, I feel so much better.
Tet: Perhaps due to its poor treatment, I can see it shrouded in malice.
Gin: I thought I was gonna wet myself.
Kag: Malice?
Tet: Yes. Rather than the blood of enemies,
Tet: it thirsts for the blood of its wielder.
Kag: Wow, you're right!
Shin: You can tell when a sword looks down on its wielder?
Shin: That's our master swordsmith!
Kag: Though to be honest, we knew that, too.
Gin: Master swordsmith, my ass!
Gin: Why's a drawn sword just laying around right there?
Gin: Should a smithy be treating her products so badly?
Tet: What's this sword?
Tet: I don't remember it.
Gin: Don't play dumb.
Gin: Are you saying it came here by itself to get a massage? To rub one out?
Shin: This is a smithy! Not a brothel!
Kag: Maybe it got kicked out of its scabbard due to its low salary.
Kag: Tetsuko, you should hear out its complaints, too.
Tet: Uh, complaints?
Gin: Even I could hear those out.
Gin: You seem really up for this, sir.
Gin: Look at you, all naked before we even get started.
Gin: Your scabbard may have dumped you, but I'll make you forget about it all tonight.
Gin: And then, you can get a fresh start as a wok in Gin-san's place tomorrow.
Tet: Hey, wait!
Gin: Got that, Tetsuko? Make us a nice wok.
Shin: What are you doing? We don't even know whose sword it is yet!
Gin: Didn't you hear it? It's sick of cutting things.
Gin: It wants to stop hurting people and start frying rice instead.
Gin: We don't have a pan, so this is perfect.
Shin: You need a fresh start more than it does, you bum!
Gin: Ah, I don't know why, but I think I can hear the sword crying out in joy.
Shin: Uh, sorry,
Shin: but we can hear it, too.
Shin: I don't know about crying out in joy. This sounds more like dying screams.
Gin: Huh? You can hear that, too?
Kus: Bro...
Kus: Whaddya think yer doin' ta me?
Kus: Want me ta suck yer blood up?!
Shin: Gin-san?!
Title: Leagues in Search of a Scabbard
Smithy,Sign: Smithy
Kus: Yeesh.
Kus: There's no tellin' what samurai these days get up ta.
Kus: How scary.
Kus: If I were any other sword, I woulda snapped.
Kus: Be more careful. Most swords'll lash out at the drop of a hat.
Kus: Ya won't find many blunt, gentle ones like me.
Tet: S-Sorry about that.
Kus: Well, as long as ya learned yer lesson.
Kus: I'm not yellin' at ya 'cause I want ta.
Kus: Thankfully, nobody got hurt,
Kus: so let's call this water under the bridge.
Kus: Well, thanks for the yummy tea. Take care.
Gin: Like hell! I totally got hurt here!
Gin: How long are you gonna stay stuck in my ass?
Gin: And what the hell are you, anyway?
Gin: What's with this thing? I can't get it out!
Kus: Yer wastin' yer time, bro. We're a pair now.
Kus: I finally found ya, my scabbard. I ain't never lettin' ya go.
Gin: Did you just call my butthole a scabbard?
Shin: Calm down, both of you. Calm down.
Gin: How can I? I've got a sword in my ass!
Kag: Oh, just shut up and sit down.
Shin: P-Planet Excalibur?
Kus: Aye. Believe it or not, I'm an actual Amanto,
Kus: Kusanagi from Planet Excalibur.
Tet: K-Kusanagi-san?
Kus: I may be loiterin' about butt-naked without a scabbard now,
Kus: but when I was young, I was a famous sword.
Shin: Uh, could you stop talking about loitering butt-naked with that name?
Kus: Us excaliburlings have bodies made of liquid metal.
Kus: In other words, we can transform inta anythin' we wanna be.
Kus: We've transformed inta all kinds of weapons
Kus: and taken part in wars on all kinds of planets as mercenaries.
Kus: I came ta Earth a long time ago when I smelled w*r here.
Kus: Ever since, me and my wife Scabberina had been livin' as a very lovin' couple.
Shin: Who the hell is Scabberina?
Shin: Was your scabbard your wife?
Kus: She was too good for me, I say.
Kus: She always welcomed me back with a warm smile.
Kus: And back then, I was young, too.
Kus: I thrust in and out of her several times a day.
Shin: Stop moving like that. What are you saying?
Shin: Is it what I think it is?
Kag: If you had such a beloved scabbard, why are you naked now, Member Kusanagi?
Shin: Stop calling him that!
Tet: A sword and its scabbard are as one.
Tet: They're like SM*P, which only functions when all its members are present.
Shin: You two are doing this on purpose, aren't you?!
Kus: As time passed and I grew older, I lost my edge.
Kus: Our owner put us up for sale at a pawn shop.
Kus: For some reason, a buyer was found immediately,
Kus: but I was dumped in a ditch.
Kus: The buyer only wanted the beautiful Scabberina, not me.
Kus: For decades since then, I've been lookin' for her,
Kus: but I still have no idea where she is now.
Kus: I went from smithy ta smithy, hopin' ta meet a good scabbard,
Kus: but that was a swing and a miss, too.
Tet: So that's why you came to me?
Kus: I lost my owner and my partner 'cause I was so dull.
Kus: So I gotta take them back with my own hands...
Kus: The bright light from those days, and my beloved other half.
Kus: But I know from the bottom of my blade that I can't do anythin' as a lone dull blade.
Kus: Doesn't matter if it's just a temporary home. I need an owner, a scabbard!
Kus: I beg of ya, lend me yer ass for a while.
Kus: C'mon, please.
Shin: Okay! Come one, come all!
Shin: Is the sword on your hip a treasure that brings good luck
Shin: or a curse that brings misfortune?
Shin: Don't you want to know?
Sword_Fortune_Te,Sign: Sword Fortune Telling
Kag: Edo's best swordsmith, Murata Tetsuko, will ascertain your sword's quality!
Shin: And we're willing to bleed money on the first day!
Shin: We'll look at your swords for free today!
Shin: First come, first served!
Kus: You guys...
Tet: In truth, we want to check out not the swords, but their scabbards.
Kus: Instead of just givin' me this filthy ass, you'd go so far for me?
Tet: I'm not doing this for you.
Tet: I'm a swordsmith.
Tet: When there's a rusty sword of repute lying in front of me,
Tet: do you really think I could stop myself from sharpening it?
Kus: T-Tetsuko-han!
Tet: I'll lend you as many filthy asses as you want, so just shut up and sit tight.
Kus: Sorry. I forgot I was lugging this filthy ass around.
Gin: Who do you think this filthy ass belongs to?
Gin: What gives you guys the right to decide the fate of my filthy ass?
Gin: Wait, whose ass are you calling filthy?
Shin: Not like we have a choice.
Shin: He says he won't leave your ass until he finds a home.
Kag: If you wanna be freed, we gotta find his separated scabbard.
Gin: Quit messing—
Shin: Oh, by the way, excaliburlings are vampiric in nature.
Shin: If you do anything stupid...
Kus: Want me to suck up the blood from yer entire body?
Gin: Excuse me.
Gin: Would you like to be the scabbard for my sword?
G: Eek!
Kus: C'mon, bro. Yer makin' yer ulterior motives too obvious.
Kus: Ya'll never find me a scabbard like that.
Gin: I don't wanna hear that from the one sticking butt-naked into my butt.
Kus: Just watch me.
Kus: Hey, lady.
Kus: Want me to suck yer ********* *****?
G: Eek!
Gin: I'll k*ll your blunt ass!
Gin: Why are you getting me beaten up?
Gin: Why do I have to do this?
Kus: Crap, I messed up. Shoulda gone with "please suck my ****."
Shin: What kind of scabbard are you looking for?!
Shin: Nobody cares about the swords in your pants!
Shin: Stick them in Tasty Stick packaging or something!
Shin: Aren't you looking for your wife Scabberina?
Shin: Why are you trying to sneakily find a new scabbard?
Shin: Take this more seriously!
Shin: If you wanna find customers, talk to people who are carrying swords!
Gin: Ow, ow... Hey, what are you doing?
Kus: N-Nah, i-it a-ain't me.
Kus: Th-This is resonance.
Gin: What?
Kus: O-One of my own is nearby.
Shin: Huh? Could it be Scabberina?
Kus: N-Nah.
Sen: Is it true that you're ascertaining the quality of swords?
Sen: I'd love it if you could check mine as well.
Sen: What do you see?
Sen: Do you hear the screams of all the people I've cut down?
Sen: Or do you hear the sound of all the swords he's devoured breaking?
Sen: Whoops, looks like we have an unwanted visitor.
Sen: I'll come back some other time.
Sen: I'm sure we'll meet again.
Gin: What was with that guy?
Shin: Are you sure, Kusanagi-san?
Shin: That was an excaliburling, too, right?
Shin: They might've known something about Scabberina.
Shin: N-No way... He'd come ta this planet, too?
Shin: N-Never get involved with that guy. He's bad news.
Shin: Kusanagi-san?
Gin: Hey, knock it off. My ass can't take any more.
Gin: You're not resonating, are you? You're just trembling in fear!
Oki: Damn, he got away.
Oki: Welp, if I go back empty-handed, Hijikata-san will yell at me.
Oki: Whatever. There's a perfect replacement.
Oki: Boss, your usual wooden sword is one thing,
Oki: but we can't have you carrying that around during the sword ban.
Oki: You're under arrest for a Swords and Firearms Act violation and public indecency.
Gin: What? Wait, this isn't what you think!
Gin: Hey, stop clattering and say something!
Kus: You got it wrong. I ain't tremblin'.
Kus: I-I found her... I finally found her.
Kus: That bro's scabbard... That beautiful scabbard...
Kus: There's no mistakin' it.
Kus: It's my wife, Scabberina!
Special_Police_S,Sign: Special PoliceShinsengumi
Kon: This is horrible.
Kon: Have we identified the victim?
Hij: Probably a Joi Rebel from some faction.
Kon: The body's in tatters. Is it him again?
Hij: No doubt about it.
Hij: The massive cut that couldn't be inflicted by any mere human,
Hij: the sword that seems like it was ripped off at the hilt...
Hij: It has to be Senbe the Manslayer.
Kon: The mad sword that had bakufu officials trembling in the past
Kon: is now being used to shed the blood of his own comrades?
Hij: I'm perfectly okay with those mites k*lling each other.
Hij: But this bothers me.
Hij: It's unthinkable that a man could've done this. What purpose does it serve?
Hij: I heard a strange rumor.
Hij: Apparently, before Senbe betrayed his group,
Hij: he picked up a creepy black sword from somewhere.
Kon: A sword?
Hij: Ever since he did, he became a different person and obsessed over it.
Hij: He started acting strangely, like talking to the sword at times.
Kon: Are you saying his objective isn't slaying men, but the swords?
Kon: Sure you're not overthinking this?
Hij: I sure hope so.
Hij: But I've been put through hell by a sword, too.
Kon: That reminds me. I saw Sogo talking to his sword recently, too.
Kon: He might suddenly become a serial k*ller too, or something!
Oki: Oh, Hijikata-san.
Oki: Sorry, but I'm borrowing your room to take this guy apart.
Hij: Huh? What was that just now?
Kon: What did he mean, take apart? What was that we just saw?
Hij: Wait, Sogo!
Hij: No! Please no!
Kon: What are you doing in my room?
Hij: Finally got it out.
Oki: This won't do, boss.
Kus: You gotta be more gentle with elders.
Oki: Man, that was one hell of a surprise.
Oki: I didn't expect someone other than me to own an excalibur.
Oki: That's the boss. A real connoisseur.
Shin: Gin-san, you can finally kiss goodbye to playing scabbard.
Kus: Thank ya so much for lending me yer filthy ass.
Tet: No problem. We're glad this filthy ass was of use.
Kag: Yeah. If you don't mind that filthy ass, come hang out again.
Oki: Er, I'm not sure I follow.
Oki: Are we bidding farewell to the boss's ass?
Tet: The thing is, the scabbard holding your sword
Tet: is apparently Kusanagi-san's long separated wife.
Tet: So if possible, we'd like to send him back to his original home.
Kus: Scabberina, you've been silent all this while.
Kus: You must be mad, right?
Kus: I'm truly sorry!
Kus: I caused ya so much pain 'cause I was so weak!
Kus: But it's all right now.
Kus: I swear ta protect ya.
Kus: I'll never let ya go again.
Kus: Could we make a fresh start as one sword again?
Sca: Who're you, anyway?
Sca: Could somebody tell me what's going on?
Sca: Did he just propose to me out of the blue? That's messed up!
Sca: Who's this old fart? I'm scared, So-kun!
Shin: Huh?
Kus: What're ya talkin' about, Scabberina? It's me, Kusanagi!
Kus: Did ya have ta wait so long that ya forgot about me?
Kag: Hey, Member Kusanagi. Did you get the wrong Scabberina?
Kus: Nah! I'd never mistake her!
Kus: Right, Scabberina?
Oki: Uh...
Oki: Maybe you shouldn't dredge up the past after so long.
Oki: Everyone has memories they don't want to remember.
Kus: Wh-What's that supposed ta mean?
Oki: It means time has passed.
Oki: She's living a new chapter in her life now.
Oki: With me. Right, Scarlett?
Sca: Stop it, So-kun! People are watching!
Kus: Who're you callin' Scarlett?!
Oki: She's happy as she is now, so what're you doing here?
Oki: Take the hint, honestly.
Shin: This is starting to sound like a fight between ex- and current boyfriends.
Sca: Yeah, yeah!
Sca: So-kun is my savior.
Sca: Put on sale in a New York slum, I waited forever for a buyer.
Sca: Nobody gave me a second glance, but he bought me.
Shin: New York? You were on sale in New York?!
Sca: A worn-out scabbard, and his big, hefty sword.
Sca: I knew he was out of my league.
Sca: I knew it was just a game. That he wouldn't get serious.
Shin: What is this, Pretty Woman?
Sca: But he's always serious when playing around
Sca: and always plays around when he's serious.
Sca: That innocence of his gradually thawed my frozen heart...
Shin: Forget playing around, he basically used and threw you from the start!
Sca: Dunno who you are, but could you not get in our way?
Sca: We're plenty happy right now.
Kus: S-Scabberina...
Oki: I don't know how it was in the past,
Oki: but Scarlett is now crazy for my fat Kikuichimonji RX- all the way inside.
Sca: Stop it, So-kun!
Sca: This is too embarrassing!
Kus: Scabberina! This can't be!
Kus: I won't accept this!
Shin: Kusanagi-san!
Gin: Why'd you come back here?!
Shin: Kusanagi-san...
Kag: Oh, no. He's closed himself off.
Gin: My butthole is what's been closed off!
Gin: It's gone all the way inside!
Oki: Well, there you have it.
Oki: Sorry, boss, but could you get that blunt ass outta here already?
Shin: Gin-san?!
Shin: And what were you guys doing? Eavesdropping?!
All: Aw...
Oki: What's the meaning of this, boss?
Gin: You've gotta be kidding me.
Gin: I'm not leaving with a lid on my ass.
Gin: I'm constipated enough as it is.
Oki: Shall I slice open your belly and drag your guts out for you?
Kon: Stop it, Sogo!
Shin: You too, Gin-san!
Gin: You guys stay out of this! This runt is mine!
Gin: It's only right to settle a dispute over swords with swords, yeah?
Gin: A superior scabbard deserves a superior sword.
Gin: Isn't that right, Sogo-kun?
Oki: You mean...
Gin: My sword and yours...
Gin: Let's have a real sword fight to see which deserves that scabbard more.
Bo: Real sword fight?!
Oki: Amusing. This is a chance I thought I'd never have.
Kon: Stop it!
Kon: If you two sadists clash,
Kon: your sadism will repel and you-know-what...
Kon: I'm a masochist!
Hij: Don't take the bait, Sogo. The Shinsengumi Code bans personal clashes.
Gin: Oh, really? Personal clashes aren't allowed?
Gin: That's weird. I remember having very personal clashes with a pair of morons before.
Gin: Oh, I see. Those were more like "flashes," weren't they?
Gin: Those two were defeated before I could even do anything,
Gin: so they were clashes that were over in a flash, huh?
Kon: The duel will take place tomorrow!
Kon: It'll be held in the World Clash Tournament venue!
Odd_Jobs_Ace_Sak,Sign: Odd Jobs Ace Sakata Gintoki vs. Shinsengumi Ace Okita Sogo{\fs}Deathmatch
Hij: Have your neck washed and ready to be chopped off!
Kag: Shaddup! He's not gonna wash his neck!
Kag: He'll wash every part of his body but his neck with sponge gourd!
Shin: Hey, what happened to the Shinsengumi Code?!
Smithy,Sign: Smithy
Shin: What's wrong with you, Gin-san?
Shin: Why'd you challenge him to that battle?
Gin: It's not a battle. It's a buttle.
Gin: You wouldn't understand how it feels to have a sword stuck in your ass /.
Shin: I get wanting to be freed of the sword, but you're up against Okita-san,
Shin: the genius swordsman said to be the strongest man in the Shinsengumi.
Shin: And he's a super sadist to boot.
Shin: He was one misstep away from being a serial k*ller.
Shin: He's a trashy scumbag whose good looks are all he has.
Gin: Shinpachi, what do you have against him?
Kag: Shaddup! My ace ain't gonna lose to that runt!
Kag: This guy was one misstep away from being a NEET scumbag, too!
Shin: Uh, that's not missing any steps. It's Gin-san as we know him now.
Gin: What's that supposed to mean, Shinpachi?
Kag: Have more faith! Everybody is one misstep away from being a NEET!
Shin: Like hell!
Tet: Can I ask you something?
Tet: You'll both use real swords in the buttle tomorrow, right?
Tet: How are you going to fight with that?
Tet: One, two...
Gin: Ow, ow, ow!
Gin: Wait, time out! I can't... I can't!
Gin: I'll become Shiina Kippei! I'll end up like Shiina Kippei in Outrage!
Kag: Pull it out or stop? Make up your damn mind, you stupid Duncan!
Gin: They all look like villains! They all look like Takeshi!
Kag: Raise the horsepower, dammit, you stupid bean!
Gin: Wait, dammit, you stupid Gidayu...
Kag: All right, keep jogging toward tomorrow!
Kag: Eastward ho, dammit, you stupid Comaneci!
Gin: You're getting your priorities mixed up!
Gin: Enough! How long are you gonna stay holed up in there?
Gin: Just get out already!
Kus: No! There's no way a blunt sword like me could ever win!
Kus: I'm so blunt, I can't even rend my long-severed marriage or my regrets...
Kus: I'm just a corn potage Tasty Stick!
Gin: Don't casually try to be the yummy one, you stupid natto flavor!
Tet: Have more faith in yourself, Kusanagi.
Tet: The most important thing in a sword isn't its cutting edge!
Tet: It's the core that runs through its blade!
Tet: People and swords are the same.
Tet: Even if they run into brick walls, as long as their cores stay intact,
Tet: they can be beaten back into shape over and over!
Tet: Your love for your scabbard is the mark of a great sword.
Tet: Leave the rest to a smithy.
Kus: Tetsuko-han... Will you b*at me back inta shape?
Tet: Don't worry. I promise to turn you into the most splendid sword.
Tet: I won't let anybody call you a dull ass anymore.
Kus: I'm countin' on ya, Tetsuko-han!
Tet: Sure! Here I go!
TBC,Sign: To Be Continued
Title: The Super Sadist and the Super Sadist
Oki: Next time: "The Super Sadist..."
Gin: "...and the Super Sadist."
Side Bar Top Yellow,TextR: Huh? Another multi-episode arc?
TextL: Yep. Another multi-episode arc.
TextR: But after doing arcs that lasted entire cours,
TextL: we can stick by our g*ns and still call this a collection of short stories.
09x06 - 3000 Leagues in Search of a Scabbard
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Japanese manga series where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Tokyo, an unemployed samurai finds work however he can.
Japanese manga series where aliens have invaded and taken over feudal Tokyo, an unemployed samurai finds work however he can.