01x03 - There Goes the Neighborhood / Ice Scream

[bunniefuu]

MAN:
* Martha was an average dog

* She went... and... and...
(barking, growls)

* When she ate
some alphabet soup *

* Then what happened
was bizarre. *

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

* She's got a lot to say

* Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

* Martha speaks

* Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks *

* And speaks and speaks.

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

* Martha speaks...

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

* She's not always right,
but still that Martha speaks. *

Hi, there.

* She's got a voice,
she's ready to shout *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two.

* Hear her speak

* Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... *

* Communicates, enumerates

* Elucidates, exaggerates

* Indicates and explicates

* Bloviates and overstates
and... *

(panting)

* ...hyperventilates!

* Martha, to reiterate

Martha speaks!
* Martha speaks.

MARTHA:
This is a Martha minute.

With me as always is
my special assistant
with hands, Truman.

Today we have
a very special recipe

for social occasions.

(oven timer dings)
It's ready.

Ugh, what's in there?

Eggshells, some
greenish baloney,

and a fuzzy dinner roll
I found under the sofa.

Have some!
!
Never.

Watch for words like
"discriminate" and "disgusting,"

"prefer" and "dislike,"

and I'll see you
at the end of the show.

HELEN:
Adorable!

Oh, they must be
talking about me.

ALICE:
Isn't he?

(Skits woofs)

You? You wish.

ALICE:
We just got him
from the shelter.

Shelter?

It must be a puppy.

It has to be.

The Boxwoods finally
got a real pet.

Come on, Skits!

Let's go show the new kid
the ropes.

Hey, you guys.

Come and greet
your newest neighbor.

Yeah, we're hoping
maybe you can be buddies.

Buddies?
Of course.

Any friend of yours
is a friend of mine.

HELEN:
Now, wait.

Before you do
the meet and greet,

promise me you'll
be sociable.

Aren't I always?

"Sociable" is
my middle name.

Promise you won't
discriminate against him

just because
he's different?

Discriminate
against someone?

Me?

When have I ever
done that?

When you discriminate
against someone,

it means you're not nice to them
because of how they look

or where they're from.

I never discriminate.

(meows)

(barks)
Gross!

(meows nervously)

HELEN:
Martha, you promised!

MARTHA:
I can't help it.

Cats bring out
the beast in me.

HELEN:
You are so
prejudiced.

I'm not prejudiced,
I just...

Hey! Where are you going
with that thing?

(Helen and Alice giggle)

HELEN:
Look at him go.

Adorable.

That's so cute.

(laughing)

I can't believe she let it
in the house.

Why don't we invite all the cats
over to play?

ALICE:
Really?

Should I go
get Nelson?
(gasps)

(laughing)

I'll ignore that remark.

Oh, don't
worry.

He's only staying with us
until he gets adopted.

(woofs)
Really?
Really?

(meows)

We're helping him
get socialized.

Socialized?

You know, get him used
to being around people

and other animals so he learns
to get along with them.

Maybe that's yourproblem,
Martha.

Maybe you weren't properly
socialized to cats.

Oh, I'm socialized.

No one is more
socialized than me.

I get along
with everyone.

It's cats that
aren't social.

Mine!

Martha!

Ignore my
rude dog.

Why are you so
against this kitten?

Something about him
gets under my fur.

Bye now!

I thought they'd
never leave.

I couldn't tolerate
another second

of him here.

Why would anyone with a cat
want another cat?

It's like having a broken leg

and wishing you had
a broken arm, too.

MARTHA:
Admit it, buddy!

I am the boss,
applesauce.

(Skits growls playfully)

Shh.

Look who came for a visit.

(gasps)

HELEN:
Alice was worried
he'd get lonely,

so she brought him
over for a visit.

Mine!
(meows defiantly)

Martha!

That is no way
to greet a guest.

Why do you have to get
so territorial?

Because!

It's my territory.

(groans disgustedly)

It's my water bowl,

my kitchen, my house,
my yard!

MARTHA:
This whole area
is where I live.

That means it's my territory.

Mine, mine, mine,
mine, mine, mine!

Thanks for bringing
him home.

I wish Martha would
be more sociable.

HELEN:
I think the kitten
likes her.

Wouldn't it be sweet
if they became pals?

That's not
very likely.

When Martha's not ignoring
him, she's yelling at him.

The nerve of some animals.

Just because they're cute,

they think they can do
whatever they want.

(mimicking Helen):
"Give him a nice greeting."

I'll give him a nice greeting.

(growls)

(gasps)

Hey, pal!

This is my territory, so scram.

Go on, beat it!

I'm warning you,

I can tolerate
a lot of things,

but a cat sleeping in my
chair isn't one of them.

(growls)

Don't you get it?

Tolerate-- it means you put up
with something,

even if you don't like it.

Well, I am not going
to tolerate this.

I mean it!

Get down! Now!

You really are a pest.

Do I need to define
"tolerate" again?

Finally!

(purrs affectionately)

La la la, I'm ignoring you.

Wait!

What're you... hey! No!

(meows)

I remind you
of your mama?

But...

Look, I know Nelson's
not the friendliest guy,

but really,
you can't stay.

Aww.

(woofs in surprise)

(gasps)

How many times
do I have to tell you?

This is my territory.

Scram!

Some people just
can't take a hint.

Look, you're a nice kid, really.

And in a different world,
maybe we could be buddies.

Pals, even.

But things being
the way they are,

I just can't socialize with you.

It wouldn't look right.

You're killin' me here.

Go home.

Play with your own species.

(mews pitifully)

What are you doing?

You can't just walk into traffic
like that!

Don't you know anything?

Watch.

You stand at the corner
and you look both ways.

You wait until
there aren't any cars.

See?
Hey!

Where'd you go?

Little buddy?

Buddy?

Oh, what have I done?

Now he'll get lost,
and it's all my fault.

Oh, I was pretty unsociable.

(meows)

(whispers):
I guess we can be pals.

It'll be our little secret.

(meows)

Grrr.

Oh, yeah!

You are so tough.

That's it!

You get that tail!

(distant barking)

Quick! Hide!

Here comes the pack.

They're a very
prejudiced bunch.

They would never
socialize with a cat.

(Rinty barks)

Yeah, new kitten.

I know. It's awful.

The little runt keeps

wandering into my territory.

Let him try it again.

I'll give him
what for.

No!

(barks)

There was something
on your ear.

It's gone now.

What should we do?

(barking)

(snarling,
barking angrily)

What's his
problem?

(barks angrily)

Oh, no!

(questioning woof)

Oh, just some chores
before I, uh...

go to the meat shop and get some
of the free samples of salami.

(gasps)

(barking angrily)

(panting)

(barking angrily)

(barking angrily)

(sighs)

I think you've done enough
socializing for one day.

What are you doing?

Nothing, nothing.

Just sniffing things.

Is it true that cats
sleep during the day

and stay awake all night?

I'm not sure.

You'd have to ask Alice.

Kitten?

Are you there?

(meows)

I just wanted to make sure
you were okay.

MARTHA:
Be careful!

Don't go wandering
into the street at night.

Here, little buddy.

Let me help you.

(questioning bark)

(howls laughingly)

I was not kissing a cat!

I was just seeing
what it tastes like.

Okay, okay.

I'm friends with a cat.

(howls laughingly)

You don't know
anything about him.

You're just
being prejudiced.

(barks in surprise)

Yes, prejudiced.

It's like when you decide
you don't like someone

before you even know them.

You pre-judge them.

I used to be prejudiced, too.

But Skits, there are good cats.

(screeching)

And there are not-so-good cats.

Like there's good dogs...

and not-so-good dogs.

(barking angrily)

Just give him a chance.

(purrs)

(thoughtful woof)

Squirrels? No.

Chase 'em all you like.

No socializing with them.

Hey Martha?

I really like what you're saying
about not being prejudiced,

but could you save it
till morning?

Sure. Sorry.

Go to bed.

We'll play again
tomorrow.

(meows)

MARTHA:
I'll be back for
breakfast in a jiffy.

I just want to say good
morning to my new friend.

ALICE:
Bye! Take good care of him!

What's going on?

The kitten just
got adopted.

You mean...

(meows)

Wait! Kitten!

No! Stop!

MARTHA:
Kitten!

(panting)

Wait!

(panting)

(meows)

Kitten...

Oh, I didn't get to say
good-bye.

(sighs)

Why did I ignore him?

Why did I tell him to go away?

(sighs)

Martha, I have
something for you.

Is it a kitten?

No, but it's the next
best thing.

Kitten!

Oh, Helen, it looks
just like him.

Put it where I can
see it all the time.

How'd you like to go
and visit him?

Really?

Alice called
his new family.

They said you can visit
whenever you want.

Let's go, Helen.

Let's go now!

Really?

Aren't you two worried about
what other dogs will say?

What do we care what a bunch
of prejudiced mutts think?

Nothing can come between
us and our new pal.

(barks in
agreement)

(meows)

Well, of course I'd like
to meet your new family.

I'm very sociable.

(meows)

Oh, "sociable."

It means I'm friendly.

(meows)

Sure, I'm on your territory now.

I'd be glad to meet
your friends.

Any friend of yours is a friend
of mine.

I'm very sociable.

(screeches)

Your friend isn't
very sociable.

However, its food is delicious.

(meows)

What's wrong?

(meows)

Oops.

I guess that wasn't
very sociable of me

to eat your
friend's food.

Sorry.

I'm going to read you
a story, Jakey.

"Blue Mangoes."

(clears throat)

HELEN:
Nicholas Mellow had
just stepped outside

when a strange little fellow
appeared by his side.

"Blue Mangoes! Blue mangoes!"

urged Genghis McGee.

"Won't you please try one!

They're fresh
and they're free!"

Nick picked up a mango.

He gave it a poke.

"But Mangoes aren't blue,"
he cried.

"Is this a joke?"

"These mangoes are special,
they come from the moon!"

"Here, have a bite,
I'll lend you my spoon."

"Thanks, but no thanks.

"These mangoes are funny.

"The outside is wrinkly,
the inside is runny.

"They smell like a squid
wrapped up in old socks.

Me, I'd prefer a big bag
of rocks."

"Prefer? What is that?

The name of your brother?"

"No, 'prefer' means you like
one thing more than another.

"I'd prefer not to eat one,
Genghis McGee.

A mango that's blue
is no mango for me."

"I'll slice it or dice it,
I'll bake a nice cake.

"I'll peel it or pare it,
I'll make a blue shake!

You simply must try it--
so soft and so cheesy."

"Please stop talking,
you're making me queasy!"

"If you don't try some,
I promise I'll pout.

"I'll hold in my breath--
I won't let it out.

"I'll stamp around
and throw a big fit

if you don't try
just one little bit."

"Okay, okay,
I'm a reasonable fellow.

I'll try them, I will,"
sighed Nicholas Mellow.

And so poor Nick,
with a look of pure dread,

took one tiny scoop,
then suddenly said...

Hey!

Where's the last page?

Martha?

Don't look at me.

(making baby noises)

Jakey!

Did you eat your book?

Uh-uh.

Okay.

Then it's still around
here somewhere.

(sneezes)

Ugh.

(Helen sighs loudly)

This is going to drive me crazy.

I can't remember
how it ends.

(giggling)

I'm pretty sure
he eats it.

They should
totally make

blue mango-flavored
ice cream.

Ugh.

"It smells like a squid
wrapped up in old socks."

MARTHA:
Mmmm,

squid-and-
sock-flavored ice cream.

Inky and delicious.

You mean disgusting, right?

No, "disgusting" means something
is yucky and makes you sick.

I think runny, cheesy,
squid-flavored ice cream

would be yummy.

(barks in
agreeement)

BOTH:
Ugh.

I'll stick to chocolate
bananarama split.

Nothing fancy
for me.

My favorite flavor
is still strawberry.

How about you,
Truman?

Hmm?

What's your favorite
flavor of ice cream?

Oh, uh, I don't
have a favorite.

ALICE, TD AND HELEN:
Huh?

So say you're
standing in front

of an ice cream
counter.

They have a hundred
kinds of ice cream.

You're telling me there's
not a single flavor

you prefer
over another?

They're all
the same to me.

Truman...

You don't mean...

You're not saying...

You don't like ice cream?

(barks in surprise)

No, I'm not
saying that.

Of course not.

Whew.

I'm saying that I've
never eaten ice cream.

Boing!

You're kidding.

Did you just
say "boing"?

No, I'm not
kidding.

But I'm pretty sure
I wouldn't like it.

See you guys later.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
hang on.

How do you know you dislike it
if you haven't even tasted it?

Well, I've never dropped
a hammer on my foot,

but I'm pretty sure
I'd dislike that.

He's got
a point.

No, he doesn't.

That doesn't
make any sense.

I'm late for dinner.

See you guys later!

Don't try to use
your logic on me!

It won't work!

You're
prejudiced!

Ta da!

ALICE:
It just isn't
natural.

It's supposed to be
the Coliseum.

What's wrong with it?

A kid shouldn't dislike
ice cream.

Alice, it's Truman.

He's against a lot of things.

But ice cream?

That's just weird.

Alice, Italy.

Your report is due
Monday, remember?

I'm going to get to
the bottom of this.

(sighs)

Hello?

It was a joke,
right, Truman?

You got me.

(laughs)

I get it.

You're probably
eating a big dish

of ice cream
right now.

No.

How do I know

you're not just
saying that?

Mom! Dad!

Do I eat ice cream?

PARENTS:
No!

See?

(sighs)

But why won't
you just try it?

I just don't
think I'd like it.

Excuse me, Alice,

I have to finish
my dinner.

(Skits and Martha barking)

You think something weird
happened to him?

Weird?
Like what?

I don't know,
like...

ALICE:
Maybe he had ice cream
when he was a baby

and a bug came out of it.

(screams)

Ugh! Disgusting!

But how would a bug
get in ice cream?

Maybe someone put
a fake bug in it

so they could have
all the ice cream.

Martha, you're
a genius.

"Buy fake bug."

Thanks.

Now could someone
please throw the stick?

I'll do it.

Ready...

Fetch!
(barking)

Italy is a country
in Europe.

In Italy, ice cream
is called gelato.

Gelato tastes great,

but if you've made a choice
never to try it

because you're prejudiced
against ice cream,

you wouldn't know that.

Alice is really
not letting this go.

ALICE:
It doesn't make any sense
not to like it!

And it's all
Truman's fault.

Truman's fault?

How am I supposed to think
about little things like Italy

when there's a real problem
staring me in the face?

HELEN:
Alice, forget about it.

It's Truman's choice.

So he's against
ice cream.

It's not that
big a deal.

Not that big
a deal?

How can you
say that?

Haven't our parents always told
us you have to try things

before you can say you don't
like them?

But they don't usually say that
about ice cream.

Unless they're really,
really great parents.

It's not
the ice cream;

it's the principle
of the thing.

He's being very
narrow-minded.

Narrow-minded?

Yes, narrow-minded.

When you just make up
your mind about something

without knowing anything about
it, that's being narrow-minded.

TRUMAN:
Hi, everyone.

HELEN AND TD:
Hi, Truman.

Sorry, this table
is only for people

who have tried
something

before they've decided
they dislike it.

Um... could
you repeat that?

(sighs)

What's the matter with Alice?

(laughs meekly)

Oh, yeah, ice cream.

This is never
going to stop.

Can you imagine what
it's going to be like?

Truman!

Eat it!
Eat it!

Dang.

We better do
something quick.

I've got it!

(phone ringing)

Hello?

Alice, quick, come outside.

He's doing it!

He's eating ice cream.

Alice?

HELEN:
Hello?

Yum!

I love this ice cream.

But I don't think I'll
eat any more ever.

I'll have it!
!
No!

He wants to eat it all
himself, right, Truman?

Don't taste it!

(TD and Helen gasp)

Hey, how come
it's not melting?

Mmm. That...

Look, Alice, a famous
hockey player!

Mashed potato.

They're mashed potatoes.

Nice try.

I told you it wouldn't work.

Maybe Alice is right.

After all,
it's only ice cream.

Just take one
tiny bite.

Even if it's
disgusting,

at least you can
say you tried it.

I can't.

That would be giving in
to peer pressure.

Peer?

We're asking you to taste
something, not to stare at it.

No, a peer is an equal
or a friend.

You guys are my peers.

And you were trying
to make me do something

that I didn't want to do.

That's the pressure.

What if you only gave in

to a teeny-tiny, itty-bitty bit
of peer pressure?

It would still be
peer pressure.

It's not
the ice cream,

it's the principle
of the thing.

They're both
so stubborn.

What are we
going to do?

I think I have
an idea.

But I'll need
your help.

Hi, Helen.

How are..

Oh, look who's here--

your narrow-minded friend.

Let me know when
he's gone home.

Hey!

I found it!

I found the last page
of "Blue Mangoes."

Oh, good.

Let's read it
out loud.

It will be
a good lesson...

ALICE:
For somebody!

"And so poor Nick,
with a look of pure dread,

took one tiny scoop,
then suddenly said..."

(clears throat)

"I'm sorry, dear Genghis,

"I can't eat your mangoes blue,
for though you are my friend,

to myself I must be true."

So...

I guess it's
saying it's okay

if friends don't always
like the same things.

Yeah.

It says so
right in the book.

Something
smells fishy,

and it's not
the blue mangoes.

Truman,

I don't care if you
never eat any ice cream.

It's your choice.

But I just want to say:
if you don't try it,

you don't know
what you're missing.

Oh, and by the way,
it looked pretty good,

but the next time you make
a fake book, don't use chalk.

It comes off on your hands.

TD:
I told you

we should have
used crayon.

I thought it
looked pretty good.

Anyway, at least
now Alice will quit
harping on it.

Right, Tru...

ALICE:
Truman?

BOTH:
Truman?

What?

HELEN:
You're eating
ice cream?

Uh-huh.

But I thought you thought
it was disgusting.

I never said that.

I'm not against
ice cream.

I'm against
peer pressure.

Huh?

You guys weren't trying
to make me eat it anymore,

so the choice was mine.

Well?

How is it?

Eh.

Truman, I just
want you to know,

I admire
your refusal

to give in
to peer pressure.

Thanks,
Martha.

So from now on,

if there's
ever any food

that you don't
want to eat,

just let me know.

I'll eat it for you.

Now, that's what
I call a true friend.

TRUMAN:
Blue ice cream?

No, thank you.

HELEN:
...said Truman McTrue.

I have an aversion
to food that is blue.

Aversion?

What's that?

HELEN:
...asked Alice McGee.

Aversion?

"Aversion" is a new word to me.

An aversion means something
you don't like a bit.

I have an aversion to bugs
and gooey dog spit.

Truman!

HELEN:
...cried Alice.

At least give it a try.

Okay, but I warn you,
I'll probably cry.

Not bad.

Would you like some?
I don't want to hog.

I have an aversion to food
that's been licked by a dog.

Yummy.

Dog spit?

Yuck! Yuck!

(screaming)

What?

(Truman still screaming)

What?

Ah, delicious.

Did you catch all the words
about aversions

and things that are disgusting?

Let's see some again.

When you discriminate
against someone,

it means you're
not nice to them

because of how they look
or where they're from.

We're helping him
get socialized.

You know, get him used to being
around people and other animals

so he learns to get along
with them.

Prejudiced!

It's like when you decide
you don't like someone

before you even know them.

Ew, I can't believe
you ate that!

You're so
narrow-minded.

See you
next time.