02x13 - Martha in the White House: Parts One & Two

[bunniefuu]

MAN:
* Martha was an average dog

* She went... and... and...
(barking, growls)

* When she ate
some alphabet soup *

* Then what happened
was bizarre... *

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

* She's got a lot to say

* Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

* Martha speaks

* Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks *

* And speaks and speaks...

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

* Martha speaks...

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

* She's not always right, but
still that Martha speaks... *

Hi, there.

* She's got the voice,
she's ready to shout *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt *

* Martha will tell you
what it's all about *

* That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two.

* Hear her speak

* Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... *

* Communicates, enumerates,
elucidates, exaggerates *

* Indicates and explicates

* Bloviates and overstates
and... *

(panting)

* Hyperventilates!

* Martha-- to reiterate--
Martha speaks. *

Hi!

As president of the animals,
I have some important words

for all of you.

"Mission."
"Representative."

What do these words mean?

How would you use them
in a sentence?

These are questions
we must ask ourselves.

And not just about those words,

but also about "recommend"
and "appoint."

Psst, Martha.

Almost done.

Let me leave you with two words.

"Function." "Advisor."

The president's coming!

The president?
Uh, gotta go!

PRESIDENT:
Has a dog been sitting
in this chair?

We as a community face
tremendous challenges

in the months ahead.

But together...
we can find ways to...

MARTHA:
Is this thing broken?

HELEN:
What are you doing?

I'm trying to see if there's
something exciting on.

This is exciting.

(Skits growls)

Some guy making a speech--
big woof.

That's not just any guy,
that's our new president.

Oh. Hey. Wow.

Ah! He's everywhere.

Stop it.

We want to watch this.

Is this new president guy
going to be on every channel

all the time?

No, he's on every channel today
because he's being sworn in.

Today's his first
day on the job.

Oh, okay.

That makes sense.

One question...
What?

What's a president?

Oh, I know!
I know!

Uh, TD, why are you
raising your hand?

Because I never
get to in class.

TD?

The president is the leader
of the nation.

Cool... what's a nation?

Um, it's easier
if I draw it.

Okay, so there's you, right?

And you live in your
neighborhood.

Your neighborhood is the part
of town where you live.

And a neighborhood
is part of...

a town.

And a town is one tiny part...

of a nation.

A nation is like
the United States.

Or Mexico.

Or Canada.

So what's a country?

Country, nation,
they mean the same thing.

Got ya.

Now, every few years...

...a bunch of people
try to be president.

They all shout at each other
for a while.

That's called debating.

I'd be the best leader!

No, I would!

And after a while,
everyone in the nation votes

for the person they think would
be the best leader.

And the winner gets
to be president

and lead the country
for a few years.

Wow. Can a dog be president?

Umm...

You can tell it to me
straight.

I can take it.

I think only people can.

How did I guess?

I don't know why they don't let
dogs run for president.

Dogs would be great leaders.

I'd vote for you, Martha.

Hang on...

RADIO ANNOUNCER:
...first press conference...

What's this?
What is it?

Just a second.

RADIO ANNOUNCER:
...search for a White House
dog...

That's amazing!

You're listening
to the car radios?

Shh!

PRESIDENT (on radio):
One of my first tasks

as president is to find a dog
for the family.

Okay, got the whole story.

Guess what our new
president is looking for?

What?

A dog!

To live in the White House
with him and his family.

Wow!

At the White House?
That's amazing!

I wonder if it has
to be a real dog.

As opposed to a boy
in a dog suit?

(laughing):
Just asking.

I don't think it would be fair

to take a job away
from a real dog.

You're right,
I just got carried away.

Hey, you should
do it, Martha!

You should volunteer!

Volunteer?

"Volunteer" means you
do something to help out

without getting paid,

like you volunteer
to help plant trees.

You could volunteer to be
the president's dog.

Me?

Yeah!

I bet the president has never
had a talking dog before.

The president's dog, huh?

I wonder what that
would be like...

Ahh...

(jet engines roar)

Ahh...

This is the
president's office.

This is the vice
president's office.

And here's your office.

Wow!

Would I be like the leader
of the dogs?

Or could I make rules
for animal shelters

and whether dogs could
eat in restaurants?

No, I think it's more
like, you know,

fetching and
playing dead.

That kind of thing.

Oh.

Fetch, Martha!

MAN:
Hi, president's dog.

Hi, president's dog.

Hi, Martha.

(whimpers sadly)

Uh, no, I don't think so.

I'd rather stay with Helen.

Hey, but I know a dog
who'd be perfect.

I'll see you
back at home!

Smudge? Smudge?
Are you here?

Smudge?

(rattling)

Ha, I think I found you a home.

(barks)

Today the president spoke
at his first press conference.

One of the first questions
was about the search

for a White House dog.

I'm glad you asked that.

In fact, one of my first tasks
as president is

to find a dog for the family.

There, see, I told you.

What do you say?

Wouldn't you like to be
the president's dog?

(barks happily)

MARTHA (on phone):
Hi, is this the White House?

(muffled voice)

Great.

I'm calling because
I'd like to recommend someone

to be the president's new dog.

(barks)

What does "recommend" mean?

Oh, if you recommend someone,

that means you say you think
they would be good at a job.

Right now I'm going to recommend
you as a good dog

for the president.

(barks excitedly)

No, he's not crazy
and he's not a person.

He's a dog and
his name is Smudge.

(barks)

(muffled voice on phone)

He says he loves people

and he only gets fleas
in the summer

and he's not a picky eater.

He can walk on his hind legs...

he can flip over...

and he can balance a vase
on his nose.

(vase crashes)

Most of the time.

The White House lady
wouldn't tell me

if you got the job or not,

but I think it was really
smart to tell her

that you love people.

I don't know about
the fleas, though.

(barks)

Why, thank you, Smudge!

Happy to help.

I hope it works out for you--
cross your paws.

(barks)

(growling)

(barks)

(woofs)

(barks)

(woofs)

(barks angrily)

(Rinty woofs outside)

Oh, hey.

What's up?

(barks)

Really?

(muffled voice on phone)

Um, he's got some great
watchdog skills,

so the president would never
have to worry about burglars.

(barks)

But he can be very gentle, too.

(barking "Stars and
Stripes Forever")

Oh, and he can sing...

"Stars and Stripes Forever,"
kind of.

So he'd be terrific at parades.

I'm not sure it was necessary
to sing all those marches,

but I suppose it couldn't hurt.

(woofs)

Well, good luck. See you.

(yips)

(babbles)

MOM:
What is going on here?

Martha...

He has floppy ears.

(barks)

He's very big and...

(barks)

Gentle? Bob...

You're gentle as long as nobody
touches you or looks at you?

Bob, if no one can look at you,

how can you be a good member
of the community?

(barks)

Huh? What's a community?

A community is a group
of people or animals

who live in the same area, like
all of us in the neighborhood

are a community, or all...

(barks)
(muffled voice on phone)

I don't have time to answer

all these vocabulary
questions, Bob.

There are a lot of dogs...
(dial tone)

Oh, and now she's hung up.

Just a minute,
I'll call her back.

Martha! What is going on?

Every dog in the neighborhood
is out there.

Oh, hi.

Sorry about this, but since I
made a call for one dog,

it wouldn't be fair
to refuse all the others.

Hi, it's me again.

The new president held another
press conference today,

where the first question was
again about-- what else?--

getting a dog.

Can I switch
to something else?

No! The president
is speaking.

How long are we
supposed to watch him?

Shh, shh!
The president!

(sighs)

We'd like to adopt a dog
from an animal shelter,

but we're still
reviewing our options

and we'll let you know once
a consensus has been reached.

(dogs groaning in dismay)

(barks excitedly)

(rustling outside)

KAZUO:
Hello? Is someone there?

Hello?

Who are you, little dude?

(barking outside)

What's going on here?

What do you all...

(barking)

Whoa!

What is going on here?

REPORTER (on TV):
It's just about the strangest
thing I've ever seen.

In the last hour or so, every
stray dog in Wagstaff City

seems to have shown up
at the local animal shelter.

The reason?

I don't know.

They just burst in
all of a sudden.

Does anybody out there know
what's going on?

Uhh...

I'm sorry, I can't let you
have this cage

until you've been officially
registered.

(phone rings)

Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me,
excuse me, pardon me, excuse me.

Hello?

Hi, this is Martha.

I think I know why
all the dogs are there.

KAZUO:
You do?

MOM:
Martha, are you
on the phone again?

I'll just be a minute!

Yeah, I do know.

See, the president said he was
getting his dog from a shelter.

Well, he's not going to get
a dog from this shelter.

He's obviously gonna go to
a shelter near the White House.

MARTHA:
Is the White House far away?

Are you kidding?

It's not even in this state.

It's in Washington, D.C.

That's like a gazillion miles
that way.

(dogs barking)

MARTHA:
Are you okay?

Yeah.

(whimpers)

TV REPORTER:
The wait is over.

The president and his family
finally picked out their dog.

That's one lucky pooch.

(whimpers)

Take heart, Smudge--

you don't have to live in
the White House to be happy.

Our town is just as good
as Washington.

I couldn't hear you.

Aw, come on.

HELEN:
Martha!

You've got a phone call.

Huh?

I think you better
come home and take it.

Yello?

MAN (on phone):
Is this Martha?

Uh-huh.

Hello, Martha--
this is the president.

(gasps)

Hey, check out this song!

(salsa b*at playing)

* Everybody!

* Your neighborhood, community,
the people who you see *

* When you walk outside
your door *

* Whether side by side
or floor by floor *

* Ah, ah, ah,
this is your community *

* Ah, ah, ah,
ésta es tu comunidad. *

* It's the florist
who wraps flowers *

* It's the school where
you go for hours *

* It's the place
that has cool comics *

* 'Bout those guys
with super powers *

* It's the grocery
where you shop around *

* The park that has
a playground *

* It's the fire station
with those trucks *

* Whose sirens make
a loud sound *

* Ah, ah, ah,
this is your community *

* Ah, ah, ah,
ésta es tu comunidad *

* Ah, ah, ah,
this is your community. *

PRESIDENT (on phone):
Hello? Martha? Hello?

Psst, Martha!

Yeah, uh, I'm here.

Are you really the president?

PRESIDENT:
I am.

Um... can I help you?

PRESIDENT:
Yes, you can.

One of my aides heard
about your ability to talk.

We need a dog who can talk.

You do? Why?

I'm afraid I can't discuss that
over the phone.

But, uh...

PRESIDENT:
Can you come to the
White House immediately?

I... mum to the white couse?

Martha, your country needs you.

Wow!

Welcome, Martha.

Please take a seat.

(buzzer)

(door slams)

PRESIDENT:
My aides and I became aware

of these secret cat meetings
only recently.

Secret cat meetings?!

Yes, Martha,

a cat conspiracy
to take over the nation.

Luckily, federal agents were
able to film these meetings

with secret cameras hidden
in their shoes.

Can you and the rest of
the dog community help us?

Mr. President, I'm on my way!

So I'm going to the White House
on an emergency mission.

(barks)

Huh? What's a mission?

A mission is a special job
that you're given to do.

(barks)

They wouldn't tell me
what the mission is.

It's top secret,
but I wouldn't be surprised

if the mission has something
to do with cats!

(growling skeptically)

I swear it was the president.

It's official.

How can you not believe me?

HELEN:
Come on, Martha.

We gotta catch the plane.

See ya, guys!

(whining)

(scratching at window)

Wow, the president
has a big family.

Actually, Martha,
these are portraits

of all the presidents
and first ladies

who've served in the past.

Oh, I see.

Where are the dog portraits?

They don't paint portraits
of the presidents' dogs.

Oh? Why not?

Well, they, um, uh...

I'll make a note of it.

WOMAN:
Martha, hello!

Thank goodness you're here.

Hello, um...

Special aide to the president.

Hello, Ms. Special Aide
to the President.

Here I am, ready and willing
to fight the cat conspiracy.

Cat conspiracy?

What cat conspiracy?

Isn't that why
the president called me?

No, it's not about cats.

The problem's in here.

PRESIDENT:
Look, boy,

a steak!

How about some chicken?

(whimpers)

A little wild salmon?

I don't get it.

He's been like this all week.

No one knows what's wrong.

He just lies there.

AIDE:
It's put the president
in a terrible state.

He's so upset he's
no longer able to function.

What do you mean?

Well, since "function"
means to do a job,

if she says he can't function,

that means he can't do what he
needs to do as president, right?

Exactly.

The job the president
was elected to do.

All his plans for improving
the nation just sit

stacked up on his desk while
he kneels here on the floor.

Savory stew?

(sniffing)

Mmm! That smells good.

(whimpers)

Can you talk to him and
find out what's wrong?

Anything to serve my country.

Mr. President!

Oh, Martha, you're here!

Oh, thank you.

I'm happy to help,
Mr. President.

Now, if I'm going
to perform my function here,

I'll need everyone
out of the room.

Do what she says.

And shut the door!

(scratching at door)

(whispering)

(whispering)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

(detector ticking)

(beeping)

Call Martha!

Call Martha!
Call Martha!

(beeping)

(sniffing)

(barks)

(toy squeaking)

(all sigh with relief)

(growling playfully)

Martha, I wanted to extend
my personal thanks

for coming all
the way here to help out.

(sighs)

It's so great to have things
functioning smoothly again.

Aw, happy to do it,
Mr. President.

I've also been thinking
things over,

and in light of your ability
to talk, your intelligence

and great sense of duty,

I'd like to ask if you'd
consider accepting

a special appointment.

An appointment?

Is that like a reward?

A presidential squeaky toy?

Oh...

(laughs)

No. When you appoint someone
to do a job,

you choose that person
to do that job.

Oh. What kind of job?

Well, part of our problem
in trying to protect animals

is we can't communicate
with them.

We don't know what they want.

Oh, but with me,
you could talk to them.

Exactly.

I'd like to ask you

to head up a special task force
to find out

what animals want and report
back to me and my cabinet.

Your cabinet?

Um, this one?

PRESIDENT:
No.

You are right,
that is a cabinet.

But the cabinet I'm talking
about is something different.

The presidential cabinet is a
group of people who advise me

about things like taking care
of forests and schools

and farms and so forth.

Do they live in a cabinet?

No.

Are they tiny enough that they
could live in a cabinet?

(chuckles)

No, they're normal-size
men and women.

Then why do they call them
a cabinet?

You got me.

But I think they'd
love to hear

what the nation's
animals are thinking.

And I'd like to appoint
you to tell them.

HELEN:
Wow, Martha!

An appointment like this
is a very great honor.

It's not everyone
who gets called

to serve their country
like this.

Okay, I'll do it!

And in another historic
first for our country...

today Martha, a dog
with the ability to talk,

has been appointed to head up
an official task force

to advise the president
on the concerns of animals.

PRESIDENT:
An advisor is someone whose job
is to tell people

all about a certain topic,

like an expert whose job it is
to tell people

all about what animals
want and need.

For me, Martha is that expert.

REPORTER:
Martha will begin right away,
interviewing animals

in every corner of the nation.

Wow!

Hi, I'm Martha.

I'm leading a task force to
discover what animals want.

Is there anything
you want?
(barks)

Uh-huh-- more food.

(hoots)
MARTHA:
Huh?

More food.

(animals chittering)

More food.

(meowing)
A butler, a maid,

a private room
for the sandbox,

more furniture to claw,

and make it illegal
to have dogs.

What?!

Don't take down
that last remark.

We have a broad consensus and
agreement on the food issue.

The problem is these
Washington fat cats.

But if you ask me,
cats are always a problem.

(toy squeaking)
Excuse me a moment.

Hey, Chessie.

Give me that toy!

Martha, the president is
waiting with his cabinet.

Oh. Sorry, Ches,
I gotta run!

I'll come back
afterwards!

(whimpering)

So in conclusion, Mr. President,

as your advisor,
I'd like to report

that the animals of this nation
seem happy but hungry.

All except the cats.

But then, cats never admit
that they're happy.

The end.

Excellent report, Martha.

All right, so let's hear what
everyone has to say about that.

First, let's hear

from the secretary of state.

MARTHA:
What's a secretary
of state?

That's the cabinet member
in charge

of dealing
with other countries.

The secretary of state
helps make sure

all the countries
get along and don't fight.

Oh, okay.

I'm glad we could get that
cleared up. Now...

MARTHA:
Has anyone ever thought

of having a secretary
of state for kids?

Because what if you get the
grownups of different countries

to get along, but the kids
are still fighting?

I remember one time
Helen's cousin from
Mexico came to visit.

Oh, brother, was he a handful.

You're the secretary
of energy?

Oh, am I ever glad
I met you!

You know,
my dog friends and I

have been discussing
the energy crisis,

and we have an idea.

What if people would just run
a little faster? Huh?

They might not
even need cars.

Anyway, running fast
is just so much fun.

MARTHA:
So if you're saying agriculture
is about planting and farming,

let me tell you, my friend TD
has always wanted

a tree that grows steak.

Maybe you could work
on something like that.

Just think about it!

Hamburger trees.

Is it over already?

I'm afraid we only had three
hours for that meeting.

Wow. I was just
getting warmed up.

Martha, Chessie needs you.

Oh, sorry, Mr. President,
I gotta go.

That's quite all right.

We need to keep Chessie happy.

And thank you for your report.

Aw, happy to help,
Mr. President.

Today the president received a
report on the nation's animals

straight from
the horse's mouth...

or, in this case, from a dog.

Today the president thanked
Martha for her service.

The welfare of this country's
animal population

is of great importance
to all of us.

And luckily we have someone
who can speak for them.

I would like to thank Martha
for her service to this country.

(applause)

Martha, do you have
anything to say?

Uh... actually,
for once, I'm speechless.

Gimme that!

Gimme that!
(toy stretching)

(loud snap)

(barks)

What? The president made
a law that that's your toy?

(barks)

Hmm, well, in that case,
there's nothing I can do.

Except veto it!

(Martha laughing,
Chessie yipping)

Martha? Your family's here.

Helen!

HELEN:
Martha!

How did it go?
Oh, great!

I hope I gave the president
some ideas he can use.

Ready to go home?

Oh, you bet!

Well, Chessie,

it was great meeting you.

Remember: have fun and keep your
toys away from the floor vents.

(door closes)

(whimpering)

(howling)

You wouldn't consider perhaps
staying to keep her company?

Uh-uh.

Sorry, but if I don't need
to serve the country anymore,

I'd rather go home.

All right.

Understood.

But you know what?

I think I know someone who could
fill that function.

Happy days in Washington
this morning

as a new dog arrived
at the White House.

His name is Smudge.

(barks)

He finally found a good home.

MOM:
What an adventure.

Our little Martha
in the White House!

Who could have predicted it?

Creo que hará historia.

It's history-making!

Whoa!

This long-distance bill
is history-making.

HELEN:
Martha was just trying

to help out a few
of the neighborhood dogs.

A few?

Well, if she hadn't called
the White House,

the president wouldn't have
found out about her.

Well, I'm glad
it happened.

In other news this day, the
secretary of energy spoke out

of the need for Americans
to cut down on energy usage.

His suggestion? Running!

REPORTER:
Speaking to a group
of reporters, he said, quote,

"Running fast is just
so much fun."

Can I change the channel now?

Huh? (yawns)

Sure. Go ahead.

(snoring)

In the spirit of bipartisanship,

we at PBS believe
in giving equal time

to representatives
of both sides of an issue.

A representative is a person

who speaks for a whole group
of people--

or animals, in this case.

So, as we have just listened
to the thoughts,

ideas and opinions of the dog
community as expressed by this,

their official television
representative,

we will now give a minute
to a representative

from the other side
of the aisle

so that he may freely express
the thoughts, ideas

and opinions of his
own constituency.

Mr. Cat?

(purring)

There you have it,
an official response

from a representative
of the cat community.

Thank you and good night.

Did you catch all
of today's words?

Here are some
of them again.

"Volunteer" means
you do something

to help out
without getting paid.

When you appoint
someone to do a job,

you choose that person
to do that job.

If you recommend someone,

that means you say you think
they would be good at a job.

An advisor is someone
whose job is to tell people

all about a certain topic,
like an expert.

Bye!

See you next time.

* Who's that dog? *

* Who's
that dog? *

* Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *

That dog is Casey.

My name is Jasper.

My name is Rhea.

And this is Casey.

Casey works for my dad.

My dad's a farmer.

She helps on the farm.

Yes.

RHEA:
A farm is a place
where people grow food.

JASPER:
She's a farmer's helper
that's a dog.

But I don't think
she gets paid, like,

in dog money or human money.

She'd probably eat
the human money.

She catches mice
and voles and...

And rabbits.

JASPER:
She scares away birds.

(barks)

BOTH:
Casey is very smart.

JASPER:
Casey learned to not walk
in the beds.

A bed is a area.

It's full of plants.

Sometimes she'll work
and sometimes she'll play.

(kids giggling)

* She's that dog... *
* Dog, d-d-dog, d-dog. *

To dig up some more fun words
and games, visit pbskids.org

or check out
your local library

for the "Martha Speaks" books.