10x03 - Jenkintown After Dark

[bunniefuu]

[Adult Adam] Back in the ' s,
yuppies were everywhere.

They played douchey sports.
They called their brokers.

And, of course, they ate sushi.

And nobody wanted to be one
more than my brother Barry.

Ugh! This is made from grapes?

[grunts] How do you win at this?

Now everyone will know
I have class and money.

[Adult Adam] And the yuppie
trapping he coveted most?

- [horn honks]
- The oh-so-sweet cars.

Jealous JTP!

[together] Jealous JTP!

Matt Bradley, are you so enraged
with envy that you cannot speak?

Happy for you, Big Tasty.
Just not jealous.

For me, wealth is measured
in experiences and...

Ha ha! Hilarious! I like you.

Where'd you get that sweet ride, Bar?

You a hotel valet now?

Close but way off, Naked Rob.

My intimate bedroom friend, Joanne,

just landed a sweet associate
job at this big law firm.

And one of the perks is a company car.

Congrats, Joanne. What's the job?

Epstein Dybner Finkelman,
mother brothers!

EDF?

They sued that teacher in a
wheelchair, and they won her van!

Their TV commercial is so cool!

Who knew the legal
team behind big business

would be three old white guys?

My dad said if he'd gotten hired there,

our life would have been so much better.

Like... Like fix-my-foot better.

I'm really doing it.

But despite my full embrace
of the role of sugar child

to my sugar mama, don't worry.

- I will still be your friend.
- What is happening?

My lady got a high-paying job, creating

an uncomfortable wealth gap between us.

How can I make it any clearer?

Now when we watch Lifestyles
of the Rich and Famous,

Barry gets it at a whole new level.

They're just people, like you and me.

- Yeah.
- But none of you.

I've been thinking about
being really rich, too.

- Ah, you won't. Face it.
- Aww. Hmm.

The disparity in our social
classes is the elephant in the zoo.

But to reassure you I won't
leave the three of you behind...

- There's four of us.
- And where's the elephant?

... I brought you a gift.

Leftovers from our upscale lunch.

It's sushi.

It's disgusting. I had pieces.

Now go ahead, lowborn JTP,

sample what you will never sample again.

- So fishy and chewy!
- The rice masks nothing!

It's like that time at the lake when
the minnow swam in my mouth!

I taste the ocean's anger!

All of this is cured by wasabi.

That's the green goo
in the corner of the box.

Mm! My head is fire!

- Oh, mercy! Make it stop!
- Why?

Ohh! I need more fish in my mouth!

[all screaming]

♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪

♪ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say ♪

♪ I don't know the future ♪

♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪

[Adult Adam] It was October th,
-something,

and I had landed a job on a real
movie set right here in Philadelphia.

Yeah, I had a girlfriend.
Brea. She went to Brown.

I see that look on your face,
but she was totally real.

Anyway, with my dad's passing
and my sister having a baby,

I opted to not go to NYU.

Now here I am, about to clock
in at the ol' Dream Factory!

Here's your post.

It looks like a folding chair
facing away from all the action.

Bingo.

Not to toot my own horn,

but I once should have won

a film festival at my high school.

In that case, you wanna
direct the car chase tomorrow?

Please and thank you!

I'll need Matchbox cars
to show the stunt coordinator

exactly what my vision is.

I'm messing with you, Spielberg.

Just make sure no one
steps in that hole.

But isn't that the cone's job?

You're a quick study.
Cone's in good hands.

Also, don't sit.

But there's a chair.

Yeah, it was doing your job

before you got here
with all your dreams.

[Adult Adam] And believe it or
not, it only got worse from there.

[whimsical music playing]

Oh!

Ohh!

... ninety-nine...

and... .

Let's go for a thousand.

And that's when I
decided not to go to NYU.

One of the toughest decisions
of my life.

Hey, you guys!

Electric Company? Anyone?

- What was that?
- Sorry.

I thought you said something.

I haven't talked to anyone

but this cone all day!

[Adult Adam] Yep, turns out
my first entertainment job

wasn't very entertaining.

That was until
a special guest star arrived.

- Smile!
- Gah!

Oh! There's my little
Hollywood superstar

on the first of many
major motion pictures!

[gasps] All dedicated to me!

Oh, good, it's my mom definitely
coming to make everything better.

I brought you soup.

They have food here, Mom.

At least I think they do.

I'm not allowed in that tent.

I don't want to interrupt
your life's work,

so I'm just gonna get out of your hair

and go around introducing
myself to everybody.

Absolutely not!

Everybody's gonna know
you came from my body!

Ooh, there's a guy with a megaphone.

Maybe he'll let me use it.

- Hey!
- Damn it!

I can't leave my cone!

[Adult Adam] As my job
couldn't get any worse...

Ohh!

... everything about Joanne's job

seemed like it couldn't get any better.

Mazel tov, Jo Jo Bear.

Yeah!

Such an impressive
accomplishment.

- Thanks, Daddy.
- Epstein Dybner Finkelman.

They're litigious monsters.

They bankrupted
that children's charity.

I'm so proud.

Proud enough to serve up your
celebratory quiche right now?

'Cause Baby and Mama
have a need to feed.

Quiche is gross,

but it's the kind of fancy food

I should get used to now
that my lady's raking it in.

I'm doing okay, I guess.

Oh, please.

You should see Joanne's swanky office.

So many books.

She even has an assistant.

Mrs. Thompson.

But I hilariously call her "Mrs. Thomas"

after the famous English muffins.

I'm guessing no one really heard
about my desire for wet eggs.

I can now safely admit

that there were times when
we thought of Jo Jo as, well...

- somewhat of a [bleep].
- Whoa!

Sorry. It's just that
she was so flighty

and never saw anything through.

Well, that's all in the past now.

Seriously, my baby is super
hangry. Quiche us, Linda.

What about when Joanne
wanted to become a writer?

That word processor
never made it out of the box!

- We became writers of so many checks.
- Mm-hmm.

Sure. Coupl'a up-and-backs.

Okay. I'm just
gonna go right in.

Remember when she was going to
major in veterinary medicine?

- Mm!
- [Lou] Do I?

Day One: "Hello, Daddy?"

Today I saw a sheep with
a nosebleed! I'm out!"

- [laughter]
- Sheep are just like us.

Come on. Joanne's had her moments.

Now that you're not a financial anchor,

we get to spend our
golden years in this house

instead of a retirement home
where orderlies do stuff to us.

The stakes were much
higher than any of us knew.

- So proud.
- So proud.

Thanks, Mom and Dad.

- [laughter]
- [glasses clink]

Are there bigger plates?

[Adult Adam] Yep, Joanne had finally

found something she could stick with.

Or so she thought.

That's a lot of trees. [chuckles]

Don't worry. We represent
a client suing the EPA.

We can k*ll as many trees as we want.

- Pbht! High five!
- Oh.

Um, off of that, are we also
sometimes on the side of good?

I'm somewhere in
between not understanding

your question and not
really caring about it.

High five.

[percussive music playing]

[Adult Adam] While Joanne
was feeling out of touch at her job,

my job was making me
long for a sympathetic ear.

[gasps] There's
my Francis Ford Schmoopola!

Home so soon? Why aren't you at
Studio with one of the Coreys?

No Coreys.

But I do have one new friend,
an orange cone!

My job is so dull!

I can't begin to tell you all
the things that didn't happen.

Then let's not force it.

You always have a soft landing
right here in Mama's lap.

As impossibly weird as
that offer is to your adult son,

there is somebody I'd like to talk to.

[dial tone]

[dialing]

So many beeps!

You better not be dialing Brea Bee.

Why not? I had a lousy day.

And up until a few weeks ago,
she was my girlfriend.

Because you're gonna
come across as sad and needy

while she struts across
her Ivy League campus.

But right now, I just need
someone to talk to that's not you.

Heart shattered into a million pieces.

But, you know, there is
another option: Pop-Pop.

He's a great listener.

Pop-Pop, wanna hear about my day?

I vaguely heard my name,
and I didn't like it.

Good luck with whatever
it is you do and are.

And decision made.

[dialing]

[ringing]

- Brea?
- Adam? Hi!

What's going on?

Ready on the set!

And... action!

Uh, apparently, I'm still at
work, which I forgot to mention.

Can you hold on a sec?

What the heck are you doing?

Rounding up to make you
sound more compelling!

And... cut!

Wow. You're really
doing the movie thing.

Yeah, I'm as surprised as you are.

[deep voice] Hey, Adam, it's
sultry actress Kathleen Turner.

Whoa! Kathleen Turner's
in the movie, too?

Apparently, there must
have been some recasting.

I'll be with you in
a minute, Ms. Turner!

You actually know her?
She was in Romancing the Stone!

And now this for some reason.

Adam, I really need you
to rewrite my lines.

You're the only one
who understands my voice.

- Which is super breathy and so close to my face.
- Yeah.

Wow. Jessica Rabbit really
seems to value your input.

Yeah. Be with you in a minute, KT!

Adam, this is so amazing for you.

Everything's perfect.

How are you doing?

Equally good. You know. College.

New people, parties, instant friends.

- So you're really doing it?
- I really am.

In fact, I kind of have to go now.
My friends are waiting on me.

- Oh, well...
- Adam, please hurry.

I don't know if I made this clear,

but I'm movie star Kathleen Turner.

Great catching up! Okay. Gotta go! Bye!

I'm gonna ask you to do
something impossible, which is...

explain yourself, lady!

[normal voice]
She'll lose interest in you

if she thinks your life is garbage now.

But my life is garbage now.
This moment in particular!

She doesn't have to know that.

Why shouldn't she think you're
doing just as well as she is?

You know... [scoffs] you are so lucky

you've got such an
improvisationally gifted mama.

[laughs]

[Adult Adam] While my mom's
meddling had laid me low,

Barry was living high
on the hog of Joanne's job.

How ya livin', Nooks and Crannies?

Barry Goldberg to see
Joanne Schwartz.

Sure. My name kinda sounds like
a breakfast treat. Got it.

[chuckles] There's my working girl!

How's your day?
But first answer this...

Did you snag the firm's
Phillies tickets for tonight?

- Oh, I forgot.
- Not a problem.

But we should get there early,

in case anyone wants me to pitch.

Sorry, Bar. I don't think I can go.

I-I still have so much more work to do.

Is your work more important

than a late-season match up
between two teams

already eliminated
from playoff contention?

Thing is, I-I'm just not sure this job

is everything I hoped it would be.

Did you find out that they also
don't have Flyers tickets?

It's just a lot more work, and...

Remember when I wanted
to be a public defender?

Ah!

I see what's happening here.

Oh. You do?

And I know exactly what you need.

Oh. Phew. I was so afraid to...

An epic Big Tasty pep talk.

- Jo Jo...
- Mm-hmm.

... owner of the lips
which whisper my name,

you have to find a way to dig deep.

That's one way to go, I guess.

Nose to the grindstone. Elbow grease.

Head down. Best foot forward.

- All body parts doing their thing.
- [chuckles]

And I promise, you'll get there.

That's certainly what I want.

Boom! See you tomorrow morning
when you come home to change.

[Adult Adam] Joanne had started to feel

her new job might not be right for her,

but she needed a voice of
experience just to be sure.

Hey, Jo. If you're looking for
Barry, he went loafer shopping.

Actually, I wanted to talk to Erica.

That's me. What's up?

You're someone who's quit
a lot of things in her life.

Oh, I don't think that's fair.

Geoff, I am who I am, it's
fine. What's the issue?

Did you ever think
about quitting something,

but you weren't sure you could?

You came to the right place.

Let me tell you something about
quitting. It's harder than it looks.

I know, right?

I can only imagine what
my parents are going to say.

Yeah, you gotta tune that out.

A good quitter filters out the noise.

But maybe if I just hang in there...

Bup-bup-bup. Do not talk
yourself out of quitting.

Believe me, there were plenty of times

that I felt like giving up on quitting.

But I persevered.

Your tone feels right,
but the words are so wrong.

You're saying if I think I want to
quit, don't give up and not quit?

A true quitter never doesn't quit.

But I have only been there a week.

Well, you know what they say.

"If at first you don't
succeed, pack it in, move on."

They say the exact opposite!

Look, I've been in your shoes.

The road ahead looks tough, and
you're not sure if you can make it.

- I'm really not.
- But you got to ask yourself something:

Am I gonna quit this job
or am I gonna quit quitting?

If I don't quit,

I'll never know what would
have happened if I did quit.

Attagirl! Now you march back into
that office with your head held high

and you box up your stuff!

Thank you, Erica.

You have given me the
strength to not keep going.

No one ever said that taking
the easy way out is easy,

but nothing worth doing is hard.

- Now go!
- Oh!

Okay, as someone who's going
to raise a child with you,

I have some very serious concerns.

Come on. I turned out all right.

And Joanne will, too. Probably.

And speaking of not quitting, get
the lotion. You're not done yet.

[Adult Adam] While Erica had helped
Joanne find some direction...

Thank you.

... nothing could have prepared me

for the direction my
evening was about to take.

'Sup, Goldnerd?

Hey, guy whose name I forget.

[Adam] Johnny and Carla?

Surprise!

[chuckles] Oh, that call to your
ex-girlfriend was clearly a cry for help.

Mama heard her lonely boy
and came up with a plan.

You are gonna have
adventures right here at home.

You're a townie now.

Townie, please.

I'm merely a temporary local
with eyes set on the big city.

Nonsense. You're just as
untethered and lost as these two.

[chuckling] Yeah, we are.

We're gonna show you
the local nightlife.

Jenkintown after dark.

I have previous plans with Pop-Pop.

Damn right he does. Now you get
those geisha hands over here.

I'll get my coat.

[Adult Adam] I wasn't excited
to sample Jenkintown nightlife,

but it was actually kinda fun.

We had drinks...

- Whiskey sour.
- sh*t and a beer.

Walk me through your
virgin margarita flavors.

... we got shoes...

- Size .
- .

Lady's . .

... and we bowled.

That's, uh... zero for me.

For a total of nine. Great game, guys.

Should we go home?

But from there, the rest of the
night was not exactly up my alley.

- Trish! Over here!
- Ooh! Ooh-hoo!

- Trish?
- Ooh-hoo! Hey, guys!

Sorry. My sitter flaked.

Adam Goldnerd, meet Trish... something.

Pleased to meet you, ma'am.

- [chuckles]
- Who's this young fella?

Ethan. Say hello to Adam.

- Can I call him "Dad"?
- Sure.

- What?
- Can you teach me how to bowl, new Dad?

Sure can.

Oh, what an
impossible-to-answer question.

Carla, is Trish a friend of yours?

She crashed into my
car. We kept in touch.

We figured she's single, you're single.

Maybe through loneliness, you can
make some bad decisions together.

Well, you seem like
a lovely lady, Trish,

and certainly nobody's asking,
"Is she too young for him?"

Trish? What the hell?

And who might this
imposing, irate gentleman be?

Who are you, lame-ass?

This is none of your business, Wyatt!

You and I aren't a thing anymore.

To be clear, we're not a thing either.

I'm just a very new and
very minor friend of Trish.

He's going to take me fishing

and be there when he says he will!

I never agreed to that!

You know what? I'm gonna end you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Guys! Take it easy.

I'll hold your glasses
while he whales on you.

- Hold his shirt, too.
- My shirt?

You got this, new Dad!

Thanks for your confidence, Ethan!

It's time for everyone to
say good night to this punk!

- Oh, look! A compelling distraction!
- Where?

[Adam] Thanks for
the memorable night!

[Adult Adam] I was done
with Jenkintown after dark.

But things were about to get
pretty dark for Barry, too.

Hey, Round Toast!

I need the firm to get me tickets

to WrestleMania at the Spectrum.

Get out.

As in "Get out of town,
I'm a wresting fan, too"?

It isn't. Get out.

[Adult Adam] Turns out, Barry's
yuppie lifestyle was coming to an end.

Declined? How could that be?

Are you telling me I have
to pay for volcano rolls

out of my own Velcro'd wallet?

Wait! Cease! Do you know who I am?

I'm the boyfriend of someone
who just started working

for the firm that leased this car!

[grunts]

Joanne, we've got real problems.

The company card doesn't work,
they took back the BMW,

and Mrs. Thomas stopped
indulging my cheeky antics!

Well, that's 'cause... I quit my job.

What? Right before
the firm's golf outing?

I really needed that sporty getaway.

You know what, Barry?

I could have expected
the job to let me down.

I didn't think you would, too.

Oh. I don't understand.
What's happening?

What's happening is you're a moron.

But I thought she loved that job.

Nope. Only you did.

Did you really think
Joanne's goal in life

was to help rich people get richer?

From your tone, I'm guessing... no?

You've been so consumed
with all the perks,

you didn't realize
how miserable she was.

Damn it. [Sighs] I
have to make this right.

[Adult Adam] Barry finally
understood what he needed to do.

And I had someone I desperately
needed to see, Brea.

One ticket to Providence, please.

But it turned out I didn't
need a ticket to see Brea.

[Brea] Adam?

Brea?

She had come to see me.

[laughs]

W-What are you doing here?

I thought you were so
busy and happy at college.

I... actually wasn't.

Adam, I'm having a pretty hard time.

And then I heard how you're
thriving in your new job...

Let me stop you right there.
My life is pretty lousy, too.

I thought you were friends
with Kathleen Turner?

That was my mom's sultry voice.

So you mean... both our lives suck?

Totally.

[Adult Adam] And so, with neither
of us moving forward with our lives,

Brea and I decided
to move backward, together.

Brea.

Hi, Mrs. G.

I remember her.

She didn't finish her chicken
when we took her to dinner.

- Nice to see you, Pop-Pop.
- Brea, what are you doing here?

Don't you have college in the morning?

Yeah, but, um...

She might stay for a few days.

- Or longer.
- Longer seems right.

Or even longer than longer.

[both chuckle]

How do you like that? The
girl is throwing her life away.

Just like she threw away that chicken.

For Adam, Ben. So everybody wins.

Everybody who matters.

It could work.

Fine! I'll mix in!
Just shut up about it already!

[Adult Adam] Joanne was about to face

the hardest part of quitting her job:
Telling her parents.

- You quit?
- Oh, Jo Jo. I have to take a knee.

I have to take two knees. And two hands!

Oh, I hope you are happy, Joanne.
You made your father table-top.

- W...
- Really, though, is anyone surprised?

Look, I know you guys think I'm
a flake, but it wasn't like that.

I want to be careful
not to overstate this.

You destroyed all of our futures!

- [door closes]
- Opposite!

Barry? What are you doing here?

Setting the record straight.

For some dumb reason, your parents
think you don't see things through.

I won't let them make your
quitting EDF a source of shame

when it should be a source of pride.

We should be proud that
she barely lasted a week?

No. You should be proud
that she was smart enough

to realize why she got into law
in the first place.

She wanted to help people.

"Missing You" plays...

How did I not see it?

I didn't at first, either.

She was pushing paperwork
for a soulless firm,

even though hers is the most
beautiful soul there is.

I'm sorry, Jo Jo.

I guess I just got excited
that you finally had a path.

I do have a path, Daddy.
It's just not this.

All we really care about
is that you're happy.

♪ I ain't missing you at all ♪

♪ Missing you, missing you ♪

♪ Since you've been gone away... ♪

And I know it's hard to believe
after the way I behaved,

but that's all
I care about, too.

You're not gonna miss the car,
the sushi, or the Phillies tickets?

[sighing] Oh, big time.

But who knows
what the future will bring?

So, when you think about the
future, do you think about us?

That's all I think about.

♪ Down this long-distance line tonight ♪

♪ I ain't missing you at all... ♪

[Adult Adam] Barry had come
to Joanne's rescue.

Meanwhile, my mom had
someone else she needed to save.

Hey!

Adam, Brea. Your
happiness is my happiness.

Aww!

Don't "aww" that. She's
clearly got more to say.

It breaks my heart how much
you two miss each other,

but I think we all know Brea can't stay.

♪ Missing you... ♪

It's just been so hard.

- Brea.
- It gets better. A lot better.

In fact, it should be the best
time of your life. You deserve that.

♪ I ain't missing you... ♪

Damn it. You really do.

I'll give you guys some time.

♪ I keep lying to myself... ♪

But, Adam, what about you?

You're gonna figure it out.

And... so will I.

[Adult Adam] Loving
someone means understanding

exactly what they're going through.

If it's okay with you...

can we just sit here for a while?

- ♪ Since you've been gone... ♪
- As long as you're here, I'm not going anywhere.

♪ I ain't missing you ♪

♪ Missing you... ♪

[Adult Adam] And whether
it's space to grow apart

or just a helping hand as
they find their way through life...

giving them exactly what they need...

♪ I ain't missing you... ♪

... is the greatest gift of all.

♪ I ain't missing you ♪

♪ I keep lying to myself ♪

♪ Ain't missing you ♪

♪ I ain't missing you ♪

♪ I ain't missing you ♪

♪ I ain't missing you ♪

♪ I ain't missing you ♪

Gentlemen, it is with a heavy heart

I inform you I am no
longer ridiculously rich.

- Wow.
- That happened fast.

- Rags to riches to rags.
- It was clear how this was gonna end.

Which unfortunately means

I'll be in your lives after all.

Slumming down here in the gutter

with your cooked fish and American cars.

Happy to have you back, Big Tasty.

And in celebration of our reunion,

I brought you one leftover
box of sushi to delight in.

That does not look fresh.

Nonsense!

If sliced correctly,
sushi can last for weeks.

Now gorge yourselves

on the pizza rolls of the Samurai!

- No, thanks.
- I'm all set.

I ate bacteria earlier.

It's visually obvious
that shouldn't be eaten.

More for me I guess.

Mm.

Ugh.

Uh. I'm in really big trouble.