05x03 - Crime and Punishment/Baby Maybe

[bunniefuu]

( Snoring )

( Gasps )

( Kids laughing )

( Imitating car motor )

( Continuing to imitate motor )

Chaz:
atta boy, chuckie.

You're driving the car
just like daddy.

Make sure you keep
both hands on the wheel.

Oh, boy, chuckie.

You sure are
growing up fast.

Pretty soon you'll be talking

And going to school
and graduating from college

And going out on
your first date and...

( Siren wailing )

Oh, no.

Okay.

Be calm, don't panic.

It's just a traffic cop.

Keep your hands

On the wheel,
do what he says...

And above all

Don't make any
sudden movements.

( Muffled: )
hello, officer.

Hello, officer.

License and
registration, please.

Oh, yes, sir.

I mean ma'am.

( Gulps )

( Gasps )

Little fella,
what's your name?

( Screaming )

I'm telling you guys,
it was awful.

She had on a big
round, shiny hat

And glasses
that was like a mirror

And she was riding this
great big motor bicycle.

Whoo.

So, anyway, it turns out
naomi...

That's her name...

Is also a clog dancer

And just as nice as can be.

Well, anyway,
I hope you don't mind

But I invited her
over here

For coffee
this morning.

I mean, I would have invited
her to my place, but...

Well, the maid hasn't
been in lately.

Well, never, actually.

And then the worstest thing
of all happened.

What, chuckie?

My daddy inbited her
to come over here today.

( Gasping )

What'd he do that for?

I don't know, but I'm
pretty sure he was scared

'Cause he could hardly talk

And he kept making this,
this funny face.

Like this.

Ooh, ooh.

Don't you know anything?

That lady with the big round hat

And the shiny glasses
was a police cop.

All:
oh!

Uh... What's a police cop?

A police cop is somebody
who catches you

When you do something wrong
and makes you sorry.

You mean like she puts you
in "time out"?

Exactly.

Except when
a police cop finds out

You did something wrong

She puts you in jail.

All:
jail?

Jail is like a bazillion times

More horribler
than "time out."

They put you in a dark,
scary, drippy room...

( Evil laugh echoes )

...with metal bars
all around you.

And you'll never see your
mommies and daddies again.

Well, got to go.

Lucky for me
my mommy's picking me up.

Bye, babies.

Oh, no, you guys.

What if we do
something wrong?

I'm too little
to go to jail.

Yeah, who'll tuck us
in at night?

Hold on, you guys.

Angelica said the police cop
would only take us to jail

If we did something wrong.

So, alls we got to do
is be good

And not do any bad stuff

From now until
the police cop goes home.

Can we do that?

Sure we can.

Let's all just sit down

And play a nice, quiet game
of roll the ball.

Good idea, chuckie.

So how about it, chaz?

Are wedding bells
in the air?

Oh, please.

( Chuckles )

Just met her.

So, what do you think?

How does the chazman look
without the old specs?

Chazman?

But you're blind
as a bat without your...

Ouch!

Oh, dear. Charles,
are you all right?

( Crash )

Boy.

This roll the ball game
sure was a great idea.

It's fun

It's safe

And it doesn't
break any rules.

Uh.

( Glass shatters )

( Gasps )

( Whimpering )

Oh, no.

What are we going to do?

The firstest thing we
got to do is hide 'em

Before the police cop
gets here.

( Horn honking )

Chaz:
I'll get it.

All:
uh-oh.

Ow!

Ooh.

I guess you're right, didi.

I better wear my glasses.

Oh!

( Gasps )

( Gasps )

Oh, no.

What did you kids do?

Oh, I can't even fix them
with tape like I usually do

Or I'll look like a nerd.

Oh, no.

What if he shows
the police cop

The broken glasses?

Then she'll for sure
take us to jail.

Hello, chaz.

Hi, naomi.

Oh, I'm so glad
you could make it.

We're doomed.

Doomed!

Not if the police cop
doesn't find out

About your daddy's glasses.

How are we going to keep him
from telling her?

We're going to
have to separate them.

Okay.

That sounds easy.

We're doomed.

And here are the babies.

This is tommy, he's mine.

These are the twins,
phil and lil

And chuckie,
whom you've met.

Oh, they're adorable.

Well, don't let their looks
fool you.

They can be a handful.

I'll just have to watch them
real close then, won't i?

( Laughs )

Did you hear that, huh?

We got to figure out
how to get her

Out of here before
she finds out

About the glasses
and we go to jail.

Maybe we could frow up
on her shoes.

Hmm, I think the bestest way

To get chuckie's dad
away from the police cop

Is if he has
to take chuckie home.

How do we
make him do that?

Alls we got to do is make
him think you're sick.

Come on.

I don't like the sound of this.

I saw on the tv

That when doggies get sick

Their mouths get all foamy.

I bet that if chuckie's daddy
sees his mouth all foamy

He'll think he's sick
and take him home.

Here, lick on this.

No way.

I'm not going to lick
some yucky bar of soap.

I will.

No, chuckie has to do it.

Oh, all right.

( Slurps )

Maybe we could have some
when he's finished.

Yeah.

( Slurps )

Boy, didi, I forgot
how long

Your hair used to be.

( Growling )

Oh, my gosh.

The kids!

( Growling )

( Grunts )

( Growling )

( Snorting )

What's happening?

Is something wrong?

What is it?

What's the matter
with the kids?

( Screams )

Mad dog!

Save the children!

( Crashes )

Now that's it, chuckie.

Just take little sips.

( Spitting )

I've never seen
a little boy

Who washes his own mouth
out with soap.

Have you been
up to something?

Blech!

That tasted terrible.

Oh, I don't know.

( Burps )

Now what are we going
to do, tommy?

I think she's on to us.

Remember the time chuckie
got squirted by the skunk?

I bet if we got him
really stinky again

His daddy would have to
take him home.

Where can we find a stunk?

Nope.

Uh-uh.

No way am I going
to get all stinky.

You got to, chuckie.

It's the only way to
save us from going to jail.

Come on, let's go
find some stinky stuff.

Phil:
boy, you get to
have all the fun.

( Sighs )

Okay, phil, start looking.

( Sniffing )

Phew, that's a good one.

All right, guys.

This is it.

Come on, everybody.

Let's make chuckie stinky.

Yeah!

And contrary to
popular belief

The life of
a middle-management
paper-pusher

Is both challenging
and rewarding.

( Sniffing )

Phew, that stinks.

Hey, I don't make fun
of your job.

No, something really stinks.

Huh?

Oh.

Oh, my gosh, what is that?

Parents:
the kids!

( Grunts )

Hah!

Chaz:
chuckie, what has gotten
into you?

I don't know what's
gotten into him.

Are you a little
troublemaker?

Am I going to have to
take you to jail?

Charles, that shoe goes
on the other foot.

Oh, right, I knew that.

Now I understand why
he ran that stop sign.

Okay, your dad changed
your clothes once.

After you get muddy,
you won't have nothing to wear

And they'll take you home.

Tommy:
okay, lil, turn
on the water.

( Giggles )

Man, now he gets his own
mud puddle to jump in.

Chuckie's having the best day
of my life.

Yeah, well, it's
the worst day of mine.

Even if I jump in the mud, we're
still all going to jail anyways.

I just know it.

( Sniffling )

More coffee?

I'll get it.

Hey, are the kids
supposed to be outside?

Outside?

Oh, no.
My tomatoes!

Don't worry, stu.

I'll handle it.

( Giggling )

Chuckie, kids, stay out
of the mud...

( Screaming )

Suddenly, it's all clear to me.

Maybe if you put these on,
it'd be clear for you, too.

If you like, I'll tape them
together for you.

That would be nice.

Hey, the police cop
founded the glasses

And she's not even mad.

Yeah, I don't think

She's going to put us
in the jail after all.

( Laughing )

Well, I'm tired of chuckie
having all the fun.

Me, too.

Hey, wait for me!

Oh, well.

No!

( All laughing... )

( Humming merrily... )

( Kids laughing )

( Chuckie yelling )

Hey!

Look, you stupid babies!

If I got to be
cooped up all day

With you and the new
baby-sitters

Let's get
one thing straight.

Cynthia and I are very busy.

So leave us alone!

Hmm!

How come your grandpa
isn't our baby-sitter, tommy?

He went fishies.

But my aunt elaine and uncle ben

Will probably do
the same stuff

Grandpa does
when he baby-sits.

We'll be left here alone
with strangers?

That's kind of scary.

It's my aunt elaine
and uncle ben.

We met them when we
got married, 'member, chuckie?

Uh, I 'member cake.

Well, I love my little
brother and his wife

But they are trying baby-sitting
for the very first time, and...

Oh, you ain't just
whistling dixie.

With no pups of their own

Taking on five tikes
could be rough sailing.

Relax, you two,
everything's going to be fine.

Mommy, wouldn't I look
so beautiful

In these dresses
from the cynthia store?

Sweetheart, you got
a new dress last week.

The answer is no.

( Moans )

( Door buzzes )

( Sing-songy ):
hi! We're here...
And ready.

Aren't we, ben?

Hi, sis.

Hi, mr. Pickles.

I'm betty.

Pleased to meet you.

And good luck.

Ben and I can't wait

To get started.

( Gulps )

Don't worry,
didi

It's all worked
out on my chart.

Ben?

Getting-to-know-you time,
11:00 to 11:10

Peaceful playtime,
11:10 to 11:30

Quiet story time
from 11:30 to 11:40

And, well, you
get the idea.

Well, the babies
are right over here.

You remember tommy,
chuckie and angelica.

And this twosome's
phil and lil.

Ooh, just wook at the pwecious

Wittle-bitty babies

Dey are so cute!

We'll have
the bestest wittle time

And I brought you
the pretty new outfits

Because I just
wuv baby cwose!

See, isn't she nice?

Babies don't
care about clothes.

They're just
as happy nakie.

It's me who should get
a new outfit.

( Squealing, giggling )

What am i, chopped sliver?

( Horn honking )

Oh, boy,
there's the guys.

We better get moving.

We don't want
to miss the overture.

Bye, sweetheart.

You be good.

Hmm!

We're so happy
to get to know

You babies,
because, well...

Ben and I want
a wittle baby

Of our very own.

Hmm, a baby
of their own, huh?

( Snickering ):
well, we'll just see about that.

See, you guys?

I told you
my aunt elaine

And uncle ben
were real nice.

You was worried
for nothing.

Oh, I don't know
about that.

Uh, what do you mean, angelica?

Well, your aunt elaine said
she wanted a baby, right?

Uh-huh. She wants to be a mommy.

And she said she wanted
to get to know you.

So, maybe they're here to find
a baby to take home with them.

( Gasps )

But... There's no
extry babies here.

That's right.

Oh, no! That means

They're going to pick one of us!

Oh, I hope it's not me.

I'd never understand a thing
she told me to do.

What's "widdy-bitty," anyway?

I don't want to go
with her, neither.

What are we going
to do, tommy?

Uh, well, uh...

If they're here to pick a baby

They'll probably only
want the bestest baby

So alls we got to do is be

The worstest baby
and they won't want us.

Whatever they wants us to do

We just do the opsostite.

Okay!

What's the "os-po-tit?"

You know, "ossopites!"

Like, big and small

Hot and cold

Chocolate and menicine?

Bugs and trucks.

We gots to find out
what they wants us to do

So we can do the ossopite!

Now, wait here.

One more minute
of peaceful play

Then, our ten-minute
story time.

Oh, isn't this
fun, ben?

They're such good
babies and so quiet.

Our baby will be nice
and quiet, right, honey?

So, when they
comes in

We gots to yell
and scream

As hard as we can.

Neat!

Aunt elaine:
hello!
( Gasps )

( Sing-songy ):
who wants a nice, quiet story?

( All scream, cry )

What is it?!

Why are they screaming?

Elaine, make them stop.

I don't know how!

Um, once upon a time...

Maybe their diapers
need changing.

Babies like that,
right?

( Gasps )

But that's not
until 12:45.

Well, we got
to do something.

Let's get the diapers!

Lots of them!

Okay, guys!

Guys, stop!

What'd I miss?

I hearded them say
they wants babies

Who likes their dipies changed.

Thank you, potty,
thank you, thank you!

Phil, lil, this may
mean a dipie rash

But here's what

We gots to do.

Hmm.

( Gasps )

Come back here.

( All screaming )

Stay still!

Ow. Ow!

Uncle ben:
stop them!

( Yelling and shouting... )

( Mumbling in protest )

Ben, quick!

The powder.

( Gasps )

Well, now that they're
all finally changed

This would be
the perfect time

To put them in
their new outfits.

They'll love that.

( Humming happily )

( Yelling and shouting )

( Sighs )

( Short of breath ):
we did it.

They're all dressed.

I think I'll just, you know,
take a little breather.

( Thud )

I just don't feel
like me, tommy.

Oh, I know what
you mean, chuckie.

I'm all snapped in.

If I had to get nakie
in a hurry, I'd be in trouble.

( Groans )

It can't get
any worser than this.

Oh, babies!

We're coming
to get you for lunch!

But remember you're
wearing your new outfits

So you need to be
very, very neat. Okay?

( Yelping )

Ow, ow!

Aunt elaine:
oh! Ow!

What are you doing?!

Forget the chart!

What are we going to do?

How should I know?!

I can't... Take it anymore!

( Shrieking )

( Crying )

Gee, elaine, it's
hard to understand

Witty-bitty babies,
isn't it?

( Crying... )

Uh-huh.

I mean, I understand them.

I was a wittle-bitty baby...

A long time ago.

Hey! I think I can help you.

Both:
you could?

Sure!

You see, I'm someone
the babies look up to--

Hmm, well, adore.

I can get them to do anything.

And because I think
you're so nice

I'll make sure they're good.

You would do that for us,
angelica?

Of course I will!

Oh, thank you!

Thank you!

Oh, yeah, there is this
one wittle-itsy-bitsy thing

You could do for me.

Name it.

A trip
to the cynthia store.

Done. Ahh!

Oh, goody!

( Laughs )

Now you two go inside
and leave everything to me.

Well, you babies
don't have to worry

About ben and elaine
taking one of you home.

As a matter of fact, they
don't even want a baby anymore.

Not ever.

Elaine doesn't want
to be a mommy?

Ever?

All 'cause
of what
we did?

Oh. I think
I feel kind of sad.

Me, too,
tommy.

Me, too,
chuckie.

I'm hungry.

( Slurps )

You know what, guys?

I think we was too good
at doing the ossopites.

We gave babies everywhere
a bad name.

So there's only one thing to do.

We got to go in there

And show uncle ben
and aunt elaine

That babies aren't bad.

Yeah.

And this dress

And those shoes.

( Gasps )

( Laughing )

How did you...?

Oh, look how sweet
they are now, ben.

Angelica, you really did it.

Hmm, I did, didn't i?

Um, what do you think
of the matching hat?

Hi! We're back.

See, deed,
you worried for nothing.

Everything's fine--

Except for everyone's clothes

And the couch...

And the carpet...

And the walls.

So, you still thinking about
some cubs of your own?

Um, maybe we're not
quite ready for children--

Unless, of course,
they're all like angelica.

She's wonderful.

Mommy's so proud
of you, angelica.

Oh, ben...

The cynthia store?

Oh, of course!

Let me ask your mother.

Thanks, angelica.

You saved us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're coming with us.

I'll get your coat.

Did you hear that?

It was all a trick!

They wants a baby
and they're taking angelica!

We gots to stop 'em.

But how, tommy?

They don't want
a messy baby, right?

( Panting, grunting )

Huh?

( Splat )

( Groaning )

( Wailing )

Oh, poor angelica.

Ben, elaine, you
better go on home.

A trip to the cynthia store
is out of the question.

She's going right home
for a bath.

Come on, darling.

Well, we saved her.

It's the leastest
we could do

For our good friend
angelica.

Tommy:
if I had to get nakie
in a hurry

I'd be in trouble.