03x17 - Virtually Martha/Martha vs. Robot

[bunniefuu]

♪ Martha was an average dog

♪ She went... and... and...
(barking, growls)

♪ When she ate
some alphabet soup ♪

♪ Then what happened
was bizarre... ♪

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain
and now...

♪ She's got a lot to say

♪ Now she speaks...

How now, brown cow?

♪ Martha speaks, yeah,
she speaks and speaks ♪

♪ And speaks and speaks
and speaks... ♪

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

♪ Martha speaks...

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

♪ She's not always right,
but still that Martha speaks. ♪

Hi, there!

♪ She's got a voice,
she's ready to shout ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ Sometimes wrong
but seldom in doubt ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ That dog's unique...

Testing, one, two!

♪ Hear her speak

♪ Martha speaks and speaks

♪ And speaks and speaks
and... ♪

♪ Communicates, enumerates

♪ Elucidates, exaggerates

♪ Indicates and explicates

♪ Bloviates and overstates
and... ♪

(panting)

♪ ...hyperventilates!

♪ Martha, to reiterate

Martha speaks!
♪ Martha speaks.

Today we're going to talk about
computers and robots,

and the difference between
things that are alive

and things
that are mechanical.

So listen for computer words
like...

You're mechanical.

No, Dynamo, I'm alive.

You're a robot.

So...
You're a robot.

No, you are.

No, you are.

I have blood and
a heart and a brain.

You have wires
and batteries.

You're a robot.

Listen for words like "program"
and "commands" and "files,"

and I'll see you
after I reprogram Dynamo.

Is this what you need?

I saved it.
Is it important?

No, Grandma.
That's just a twist tie.

You can toss it.

Well, thank goodness
you're here.

The man in the store
tried to explain it all,

but I told him
I don't understand

the first thing
about computers.

You have to talk slowly.

But, of course,
they never do.

That should do it.

I mostly want to
learn the e-mail.

how to e-mail?me
Sure.

E-mail, is that when you can
write a message on your computer

and send it to anyone else's
computer anywhere in the world?

That's right.

Eh, that's the dumbest thing
I ever heard of.

Martha doesn't
like computers.

Who needs e-mail

when you can just call up
on the phone and talk?

Well, I also want to send
pictures of my grandchildren

and grand-dogs
to all my friends.

Can you show me
how to do that?

Sure, you just attach
the picture to the e-mail.

Attach?

That's right.

But I thought "attach" meant

you stuck something
to something else,

like taping a flyer
to a light pole.

Right.

But when you attach something
to an e-mail,

you send a file
along with the e-mail.

Can you show me?

Sure.
You just choose the e-mail icon.

An icon.

Do you mean that
little envelope?

That's right.

An icon is just
a little picture.

You click on the icon,
a blank e-mail opens.

Then if you want to attach
a file or a picture,

you go to
the paper clip icon here.

Click on it,

then choose what you want
to attach to it.

See?

(snoring loudly)

(chuckling):
I guess Martha's
heard enough.

Maybe you can explain it
to me again while she naps.

Sure.

Okay, so the first
thing you do

is click on
the mail icon.

That's this little
picture here...

ALICE:
So far, I've got:

"Earthworms are very
beneficial to the soil."

Now what, Helen?

(yawns)

Helen went outside.

Oh, thanks, Martha.

Helen!

(groans)

I don't get it, Skits.

What is it with people
and computers?

All they do is stare
at the screen all day long.

What's so great about computers?

"Ooh, hey, look at me!

"I'm a person.

"La, la, la, la...

"I can't play outside
or throw a stick

because I'm playing with
my computer."

(barking)

Eh, it's okay.

"Oh, look, I'm a person.

"I'm addicted
to the computer.

♪ La, la, la, la, la...

Look at me.

♪ La, la, la,
la, la, la, la. ♪

Ooh, I just love
the comput...

(yelps, barks)

There's got to be a book about
worms at the library.

I'll go over there and e-mail
you if I find anything.

(barking urgently)

What is it, Skits?

(barks)

(barking)
Oops,

I almost forgot
my mom's laptop.

Thanks, Skits.

(barks)

(door closes)

(Skits howling)

Hmm...
Our Friend the Earthworm.

Alice,

At the library.

Found the book
on earthworms.

Send.

(computer blings)

Wow, that was fast.

"Help, I'm stuck in Alice's
laptop, signed Martha."

Well, be sure to be out
in time for dinner.

P.S. When did you learn to read
and type so well, 'Martha'?

It wasn't me.

Right, "Martha."

It just so happens that this
e-mail came from your account.

Hang on.

Ronald!

Wasn't me.

(video game blipping,
Alice sighs)

Aw, great, I'm spacedust.

Thanks.
Thanks a lot!

(laughing)

Let's see
who's been e-mailing.

(gasps):
No way!

HELEN:
What? What's the matter?

Just get over here.

Hurry!

(gasps)
Martha?!

What are you doing
in Alice's laptop?

I don't know.

I was just innocently standing
near the keyboard and zap!

I got sucked inside.

Huh?
Huh?

MAN:
A dog inside your computer?

Uh-huh.
Mm-hmm.

All right, this is
a real business.

You kids run along
now before...

Great gristle!

Did you know you can order
steaks over the Internet?

Uh...

I've never tried to get
a dog out of a computer.

Tell me if you
feel anything.

Nope.

Uh, now?

No.

Now?

No.

Hmm, uh, well...

Ow!

Hey!

Hey, hey!

MARTHA:
Ow... ow... ow!

(grunting)

My mom says you can
keep the laptop

as long as you need.

In other words, I'm never
getting out of here, am I?

Cheer up, Martha.

We'll figure
something out.

Come on, let's go
for a walk.

There, there.

That post--
hold me up to that post.

(Martha sniffing)

Huh? I can't smell anything
through the screen.

(squirrel chattering)

(growling)

Ow.

(Martha sighs)

Who wants it?

Over here!

Throw it to me!

(panting)

Oh... oh, well,
could have been worse.

Huh?
(Skits barking)

Uh-oh.

Ow.

I wonder
when those online steaks

are going to be delivered.

I'm starving!

Say, uh...

(crashing)

What was that?

HELEN:
Martha, get out
of the trash.

(sniffing)

Eh, nothing but a bunch
of files, anyway.

Oh, maybe there's something
to eat at the bot...

(groans) Uh-oh.

(screaming)

(groaning)

Ow.

(gasps)
Howdy, hi!

Welcome to
the party.

(noisemaker tooting)
Who are you?

I'm a deleted folder.

Deleted?
That's right.

"Delete" means to get
rid of something.

I've been thrown
in the trash

because they don't
need me anymore.

Just like you!

We're both deleted.

Isn't it great?

(noisemaker toots)

Whoops. (chuckles)

My files.

(giggling)

Uh, how do I
get out of here?

Huh? Leave?!

Why would you want to
leave the trash can?

You're deleted.

You'll never have
to work again.

But I need to get out
of the trash

and back onto the screen.

The desktop,
you mean?

Yes, the desktop.

And my family is probably
looking for me.

Well, I guess you
could walk that way,

see if you can find your
way out of the trash.

I think there are some
picture files over there.

Thanks.

Yeppers! Good luck!

(noisemaker tooting)

Hey, I'm in Alice's house.

Hello! Anybody home?

Why is
the Christmas tree up?

It's not Christmas.

Hmm.

Hello.

Helen, there you are.

Helen?

Oh, I remember this.

This is Alice's
birthday party.

I guess that folder was right
about the picture files.

And hey... it's me!

Boy, I really am one
fine-looking Mutt.

I must be in Alice's
family pictures.

Mm... maybe if
I go out that way.

Eh... now where am I?

Hmm, this looks like one
of Ronald's video games.

(monster squawking)

Oh, hi.

I'm trying to find my
way back to the desktop.

Can you, um...?

Oh, you have friends.

Hi, uh, I'm looking
for the desktop.

(squawking)

Uh, yeah...
I don't speak monster.

Do you speak human?

Uh, you are
friendly, aren't you?

(whimpers)

Yikes!

(sighs)

This is better.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

(monsters squawking)

Ow.

Whew.

I made it.

(monsters squawking)

Yipes.

Eh... eh... Help!

Hurry! Someone help me!

(screaming)

Martha?

Helen, get me out of here!

Oh, no! What can we do?

Uh, e-mail.

Didn't you say you could
send e-mail anywhere?

You're going to try
and email yourself?

It's worth a try.
What do I do?

Hit the e-mail icon.

W-W-W-Where?

Look behind you.

That picture of an envelope.

Excuse me, excuse me,
coming through.

Ow. Now what do I do?

Maybe we could attach you
and send you out of there.

See that paper clip up there?

What, this one?

That's it. Hit it.

What do I do now?

You have to choose the file
you want to attach.

Pick yourself.
Pick yourself!

Now hit the
"attach" button.

Martha, hurry!

Now send.

Hit send!

Where's send?
It's the arrow.

Hit the arrow...

(gasps)

Send! Send!

(yelling)

Send me... send me...

HELEN:
Martha, wake up.

You're dreaming.

Huh?

I'm here. I'm here.

I got sent back.

Leapin' laptops,
am I glad to see you.

What a dream.

I got deleted and I met
a folder full of files

and I had to e-mail
myself to get home...

Hey, how do you know all
those computer words?

Yeah, that's weird.

You must have heard me explain
them to Grandma Lucille

while you were asleep.

Well, one way or the other,
I'm just glad to be here.

I was really worried
I'd never get back.

Well, thankfully,
it was just a dream.

Somebody here order
steaks online?

Online steaks?

You don't think...?

Hi.

As you know, I'm a folder.

A folder is a thing
that holds files.

Inside of me,
as you can see, are files.

And that makes me a folder.

Oops. Hopped too hard.

A file is where you
keep information.

There can be different
kinds of files.

Like a file with
a report on worms.

A picture can also be a file.

This file is some music
that worms like.

You can even have game files,
like this game:

Worm Race.

(gasps)

Jumpin' jiminy.

Uh, see you later.

Hey, hey, you come back here.

Ready?

Fetch!
(barking)

Aren't you
going to fetch?

Why?
You love to fetch.

Yeah, I guess.

But when you really
think about it,

isn't it all
sort of pointless?

You throw, we bring it back.

A machine could do it.

(sighs)

Martha, I love you,
but you're a lot harder

to please than most dogs.

(toy squeaks,
Skits barks happily)

What?

I'm just looking for something
I can get really excited about.

T.D.:
A Z-Corp Dog!

Alice just got
a Z-Corp Dog!

Come on you guys!

Alice just got
a Z-Corp Dog!

What's a Zeecorp dog?

T.D.:
That's a Z-Corp Dog.

It's the latest robot
pet from Z-Corp, the
computer company.

(whirring)

(quizzical bark)

Oh.

Beg!

How do I make it beg?

Try reading
the manual, Ronald.

You do know what
the manual is, right?

The book that explains
how to make it work?

Manuals are for losers.

Beg!

All the fun of a real dog,
at the touch of a button.

Even better--
it always obeys
your commands.

What do you mean?

You know, a command--

when you tell someone
to do something.

The robot
obeys your commands.

Like this: Sit.

Roll over.

Sweet!

It can even speak a
few words of its own.

I like to play.
I like to play.

I like to play.

(sarcastically):
Gosh, that's really something.

And it's programmed
to love me.

When you program it,

you tell its computer
brain what to do.

Watch this:
I love you, Dynamo.

Dynamo is programmed
to love you too.

MR. BOXWOOD:
It's the perfect pet.

HELEN:
Yes, I see
what you mean.

What?!

I was being polite.

It's not even alive.

It's just mechanical.

It acts pretty alive.

Martha, it's mechanical.

That means it's just a machine.

It's made of metal and plastic

and it gets its power
from batteries.

It's not a real animal,
like me or you or Skits.

But it can do lots
of pretty cool stuff.

(toy squeaking)

Want to play fetch?

I thought you didn't like
fetch anymore.

Yeah, well, I know how
much you like it.

Unless there's
something else

you'd like to do.

Just name it.

That's what a
pet's for, right?

You're not trying to prove

you're a better pet
than Dynamo, are you?

What gave you
that idea?

Okay, well, there is one thing
you could help me out with.

Everybody ready to practice
for the square dance?

MAN (over boombox):
All right, everybody...

You bet!

Now bow to your corner.
Bow to your partner.

Take your partner
by the hand...

Uh, how do I
take your hand?

Just pretend.

And sashay down...

Now spin your partners,
one and all.

Spin?

Now we all join hands
and we circle the ring,

Stop the...

(kids yelling)

...swing your arm,
if you can follow...

Maybe we should stick to fetch.

This is great!

Nothing could make me feel
more alive than a game of
fetch on a beautiful day!

Just try doing this
with a robot.

Oopsie!

Can't imagine how
that happened.

(quietly):
Fetch function off.

Yes, master.

What do you mean
"fetch function"?

He stole my chewie!

It's kind of
hard to explain

in simple terms a dog
would understand, but...

the different things
the machine can do.

When I give
Dynamo a command,

it turns on one
of his functions.

Dynamo, let go!

Uh... uh, like that.

Or I say "fetch"
to turn on the fetch function

so he can catch your
toy before you...

uh, never mind.

Here.

Isn't Ronald
worried about

bringing that robot
dog to the park?

He sort of has to.

It's programmed to behave
just like a real dog--

if you don't take it
out for exercise,

it starts to act like
a pain in the neck.

I bet I'm twice
the pain in the neck

that this thing is.

Hey, Dynamo, let's show
these lame-o animals

what a charged-up
robot dog can do.

Oh.
Hmm.

MAN:
Ooh...

(laughs):
Would you look at that!

Am I doing well, master?

Super!

Uh-oh. Did I
feel a raindrop?

Mm, no, guess not.

BOY:
Throw the ball!
Throw it!

Oh!
(laughs)

(growls, barks)

(beeping)

(excited barking)

(continues barking)

Arf, arf,
arf, arf.

You see?
Dynamo is programmed

to recognize
different animals.

It knows you're a dog.
Arf, arf.

Do you understand
anything it's saying?

(whining)

I wonder if you can

program it to answer
trigonometry questions.

I thought manuals
were for losers.

Oh. I don't need
this manual.

I could throw it
away right now.

So, do robot dogs
eat Waggy Wafers

like real dogs, or do they
just charge your batteries?

(beeping)

Uh, rowf, rowf-rowf,

rowf, rowf-rowf.

Did you just say
"aardvark polish"?

Oh, look, Dynamo, I'm
trying to be polite here,

but you don't speak dog.

Hey, it can
do trig! Sweet!

I guess having a dog
that does your homework

beats having one
that eats it.

Hey! I don't
eat homework!

Lately.

Come on, Martha,
I'm just kidding.

Still, maybe you could
program it to square-dance.

I don't know about you, Skits,

but I have a funny feeling
about that robotic runt.

(birds chirping)

(whirring)

(clanking, whirring)

(dramatic march playing)

(tires screech, horn honks)

♪

(whimpers)

(high-pitched whirring)

What are they doing?!

(square-dance music playing)

MAN (on recording):
Now bow to your partner

Bow to your corner

Now do-si-do, one and all

That's enough, you robots!

You want a square dance,
you'll have to dance with me!

MAN:
Come to the middle

Take your partner by the paw

Now spin your partner,
arm in arm

MARTHA:
Whoa... (groans)

No! I'm not your partner!

Stop spinning me!

Let go of me!

HELEN:
Martha! Martha!

Stop spinning me!

Martha!

You're not square-dancing.

(groaning)
It's just a dream.

Sorry.

Actually, don't worry
about the square-dancing.

Alice thinks she's
found me another partner.

Really? Who?

Let's just say it's someone
who can't say no to her.

(groans):
Dynamo!

MARTHA:
Skits, I'm telling you,

first Helen's going to have
that dog as a dance partner,

and then she's going
to have it as a pet,

and then how are
we going to compete?

Can you do trigonometry?

(curious bark)

I don't know what it is.

Trigonometry's some kind
of hard homework.

We're doomed if she gets
one of those dogs.

So come on!

Maybe we can sneak up on it

and find
the off button.

There has to be a button
to turn it off, right?

(cat meows, snarls)

Nelson!

Uh, we were, uh...

(low, angry meowing)

Oh. You don't like him,
either, huh?

(meows)

Let us play.

Shh. In a minute.

There must be some way
to b*at it.

I was thinking
you could get to it

when its batteries
need to be charged,

before he could get
to the charger

again and...p
(yowls)

(low, angry meowing)

Just a... suggestion.

(meowing)

Oh.

So he's faster than us,

he never sleeps,
he's scratch-resistant,

shock-resistant,
flame-resistant,

and he can survive being
backed over by the family car.

(meows)
Twice.

Then we'll just have to outsmart
that mechanical mutt.

We'll have to trick Dynamo
into doing something so horrible

that the Boxwoods

will be sorry they ever
bought a Z-Corp dog!

RONALD (groans):
Oh, I'm sorry I ever bought
a Z-Corp dog!

Huh?
Huh?

Play with me.

Please
play with me.

I told you, go away!
Quit bothering me!

Play with me.
Please play with me.

What's all
the commotion, Ronald?

Dad, I'm getting rid
of this robot dog thing.

It's always whining at me.

Ronald, I warned
you about this.

Dynamo needs love
and attention.

That's the whole
point of...

I'm bored with that thing--
I want a Yaa player.

You know, the kind you
whip around in the air.

Excuse me,
but did you just say

you were going to throw
Dynamo out

because you're tired of him?

Well, I'm sick of it
bothering me all the ti...

Uh-tut-tut-tut!

I may not be
this mechanical
dog's biggest fan,

but you do not
throw out your pets

because you're
sick of them!

ALICE:
What's the holdup?

Martha! What are
you doing here?

What are you doing here?

Practicing square dancing
with Dynamo?

With Dynamo?

No! With Mr. Boxwood.

Alice convinced him
to help us out.

Oh. Uh...
(chuckles nervously)

Martha and I were
just telling your brother

he can't throw Dynamo out
just because he's tired of him.

Do what?!

Ronald, he's our pet!

So?

So? When you
adopt a pet,

you become responsible for it.

You don't just
get rid of it because...

it gets a little annoying,

or some cooler pet
comes along.

Yeah, but...

(yowls, snarls)
(gasps)

Okay. I-I was only kidding.

Good one, Martha.

Thanks.
Hey, you're-you're sure

you don't need my help
with the square dancing?

No-- I mean, I think
we've got it covered.

But you might ask
Ronald if he needs
some help with Dynamo.

Arf, arf. Play with me.
Dynamo! Dynamo!

Play with me.

This was definitely
not in the manual.

Arf, arf, arf.

(chuckles):
Uh, yeah, Dynamo.

Avocado hand-wipe sizzle.

(quietly):
He thinks he speaks dog.

Arf, arf, arf, arf...

(square dancing music plays)
Bow to your
partner...

Now do-si-do...

I am beginning
to understand
this square dance.

It is like a
computer program.

You see, there are commands,
which tell you what to do.

♪ Do-si-do your partner.

Yeah, if you can
figure out what they mean.

If you cannot understand,
you may read

the square-dancing manual
for an explanation-- here.

I can't actually read yet.

Each command has
its own function.

Do-si-do'ing
is a function.

Promenading
is a function.

It is all very
mechanical.

I was actually starting
to like square dancing

until you explained it to me.

Did you catch
all the words about computers,

e-mail and so on?

Here they are again:

You know, a command--

when you tell someone
to do something.

The robot obeys your commands.

Like this: Sit.

Roll over.

When you program it,

you tell its computer
brain what to do.

The functions are the different
things the machine can do.

See you next time!

You're a robot.

You're a robot!

You're a cartoon.

(groans):
Okay, Dynamo, you win.