06x04 - Man of the House/A Whole New Stu

[bunniefuu]

( Snoring )

( Gasps )

( Kids laughing )

Stu:
careful, sport.

These are

My memory booster 2,000 shades.

Stu ( voice on fast forward ):
...for the ninth
annual inventor's convention.

Stu ( at normal speed ):
and, oh, yes-- clean underwear.

They ought
to be a big hit




At the convention,
huh, champ?

If I can just get out of here
before your grandpa gets back

From his annual checkup.

Grandpa:
conflab bunch of
flea-brained know-it-alls!

Uh-oh. Too late.

Why, my granddad ate
15 slashes of bacon

And a dozen eggs
every day

From the time he cut
his first tooth

And he was still arm-wrestling
the smolensky twins at 98!

Your cholesterol's
still high, huh, pop?

( Grumbling ):
yeah. Yeah.

What do doctors
know about cholesterol?

They're too busy handing out
the conflab videos!

You want to be healthy,
don't you?




No.

Eating the right foods

Is as important for you

As it is for tommy and dill.

What do I look like? A baby?

He sure is acting like one.

Tell you what--

Tomorrow I'll start you
on a whole new diet:

Tasty,
low-fat foods.

I don't like low fat.

I like grease.

( Grumbling )

Well, my inventor's
convention awaits.

He'll calm down
eventually.

We'll be fine, honey.

Well, since your grandpa's

Acting like such a big baby

You'll have to be the man
of the house while I'm gone.

I'm depending
on you.

( Stu honks car horn )

Uh, good morning, lou.

What are you doing?

Waiting for
my so-called breakfast.

Didi's put me on a diet

And making me eat healthy.

Hey, you got any food
in that thing?

Just a couple
of old throat lozenges.

Yeah? What flavor?

Hey, tommy.

Want to go play
in the sandbox?

I can't, chuckie.

My daddy went away,
and he wants me

To be the man of the house.

Uh... Ooh.

Is this the house, tommy?

No, chuckie,
being man of the house

Means I'm opposed
to do all the stuff

My daddy usually
does around here--

Like read the paper.

Want me to help you read?

Sure.

Hi, didi.

Oh, hi, chaz.

Would you like to stay
for breakfast?

Oh...
Well, it looks very appetizing

But i, uh...

I have to return
an overdue library book.

( Gasps ) ( gasps )

It's getting away
from us!

( Yelling ) ( yelling )

You go that way,
chuckie.

I never knew

Reading the paper
was so hard.

( Rattling )

( Bawling )

( Gasps )

Oh, what's wrong, honey?

Do you need
your diaper changed?

( Dill crying )

( Spitting )

I should be the one
who's crying.

I think dill's sad

His rattle
got broke, tommy.

Yeah.

And since
I'm the man of the house

I'll do what daddies do
when something gets broked.

Call a big man named fred
and look over his shoulder?

No.

Then what?

I'm going to fix it, chuckie.

Just like my daddy does.

Oh...

Well, it wasn't your diaper.

Are you hungry?

How about some mushy carrots?

Tommy:
( gasps ) I did it, chuckie!

I fixted the rattle good as new!

Oh, that looks great!

I bet dill's
going to be real happy.

Let's go give dill
the rattle.

Didi:
I'm glad you're enjoying
your new diet, pop

Because guess what?

I'm making a soybean
casserole for lunch!

Oh, joy.

Tommy:
look, dill,
we fixed your rattle.

( Rattle makes no sound )

( Bawling )

What's going on
with you today, sweetie?

You didn't want
the carrots

And it wasn't your diaper.

Are you feeling all right?

I don't think
he liked the rattle.

I wonder what my daddy would do.

Maybe he'd buy him
a new one.

You think that's
enough moneys?

Mmm...
I don't think so, chuckie.

You know, sometimes
when my daddy can't fix stuff

He inbents something
even better.

Maybe we could inbent
a new toy for dill.

That sounds kind of hard, tommy.

We gots to try.

I don't want to let
my daddy down.

( Toy duck squeaks )

So what do we do now?

Well, when my daddy
inbents something, uh...

First he rubs
his chin like this.

Then he walks around
a lot like, uh...

Like he's looking
for something.

Then he talks to somebody
I can't see, like:

Please, please let me make
a good toy this time, please!

Well, I think

A good toy
needs something in it

That's soft and fuzzy.

Yeah.

And something bouncy.

And... And sometimes good toys
make funny noises.

( Squeaking )

And dill's favoritest toys
are shiny, too.

Oh, but we don't got
anything shiny, tommy.

Come on!

This dang cholesterol
is ruining my life.

Time to go out and
get me some real food.

( Tommy gasps )

Here's something!

Just need my keys.

( Gasps )

Where in tarnation did they go?

( Dill fretting )

Oh, I don't understand.

I thought you were hungry.

Grandpa's health video.

Oh, no, sweetie,
that's not for babies.

Let's just put this
in the v.c.r. For grandpa.

Now, why don't you come
with mommy

And we'll see how
our casserole is doing.

Oh, it's beautiful,
huh, tommy?

( Grunting )

Oh, yeah.

And it's got everything
a good toy needs.

( Yawning ):
since we did such a good job

How about we take our nap now?

We can't take a nap yet.

We're mans of the house.

We gots to take
dilly's toy first.

Huh?

( Toy duck squeaks )

( Panting )

( Playing hard rock music )

Well, if I can't go to the food,
I'll make the food come to me.

( Rock music continuing )

( Softly ):
hello, is this
zippy's snappy home delivery?

( Both grunting... )

We're almost there.

( Grunting )

( Gasps )

( Toy duck squeaking... )

( Yelling )

( Squeaks )

What the...?

( Whirring )

( Music playing )

( Heart pounding )

Man:
here is your heart.

It's a happy muscle

That pumps blood
throughout your body.

But when you abuse your body

With fat and greasy foods

Cholesterol-laden deposits,
better known as plaque

Attach themselves
to the artery walls

Cutting off the flow of blood

Choking the heart

Making every pump
more and more difficult.

( Wheezing )

Pop, I brought you
some soybean casserole.

Soybean casserole?

Let me at it!

I got no time to lose!

( Munching )

Why, pop.

If you like that so much

I can't wait until you try
the celery-beet juice.

( Both panting )

Look, tommy!

( Gurgling contentedly )

Wow, he really
likes it.

There you two are.

As long as we're all eating
healthy around here

I thought my boys might like
to try some celery-beet juice.

( Yawning ):
we did a good job being
mans of the house, huh?

( Yawning )

Yep.

My daddy's going
to be proud of us.

( Snoring softly )

( Snoring softly )

( Beeps )

Stu:
clean underwear,
clean underwear

Clean underwear,
clean underwear...

( Baby starting to cry )

Come on, dilly willy.

It's okay.

Can you smile?

Smile for daddy.

Look, look,
see the funny face?

Nin-nin-nin-nin-ya-ya

( Laughing )
nin-nin-nin-yeh-yeh

( Laughing )

In a second, champ.
( Wailing )

Okay, dill, how about...

The helicopter game?

Whee!

( Dill laughing )
eee-woo!

My daddy used to play
the hopticopter game with me.

Now he's doing all that
fun stuff with dill.

Don't be sad, tommy.

Your daddy just probably thinks

Dill's more funner than you.

Hey, nobody's funner than tommy.

He's the funnerest baby
I know.

If I'm so much fun

How come my daddy
isn't playing with me, too?

Maybe he doesn't know
how to play with two babies

Like our daddy does.

Well... Then I wish
my daddy was different.

( Phone ringing )

Hello?

Drew:
hey, bro.

You won't believe

Where I'm calling from.

The one and only
surfside resort.

Three olympic size pools,
pro-level golf course

Seven restaurants
and a five-star spa.

I feel like
a king, stu.

That's nice, drew.

Why don't you
come down

And hang out
for the day?

Can't. We have
all the kids.

You know,
chuckie and bill.

Bring them along.

I'll help you out.

Did I mention they have
a magic massager box

On the king-size bed?

Bed?
( Dill laughing )

Fresh fruit
is always very important.

And look at the flowers.

Aren't they marvelous?

Just as I requested.

Is this living
or what?

It's the princess room.

Because, as you know,
I'm a real princess.

And last night, daddy and I
played in my castle

For a million zillion hours.

A million zillion?

Um, tommy's daddy's only been
playing with dill.

Aw... Anyway...

There's my princess tv

My princess fridgedator

And my princess bed.

Which is okay to jump on,
'cause if it breaks

They just bring
you another one.

Come here, angel.

I think daddy needs
a little break.

Didi, I say we spend
a few glorious hours

At the beauty salon.

I don't know.

Leaving stu and drew
with all the kids?

Do you really think I need it?

I'm afraid I have to insist.

Please, can I
go too, mommy?

I want bright pink nails

And a perm for cynthia.

( Whining ):
pretty please?

Of course, sweetie.

Well, we're off.

I have an idea.

What do you say
we hit the men's spa

For a steam and a massage?

A few hours at the spa,
you'll be a whole new man.

Did angelica's daddy
say my daddy's going to be

A whole new man?

I think so.

What does that mean?

Well, when I get a new toy

It's different from any toy
I had before

So, m-maybe that means

That tommy's daddy
is going to be different.

Oh, gee, tommy, I think
your wish is coming true.

Wow. The daddies go in
looking one way

And come out
looking all different.

It's like when mommy took
our old yucky car

To a place to get fixted

And it comed back
all new and shiny.

Well, hello, little guys.

This must be
where they make
daddies different.

It is what I wished for.

And now my daddy's going to know
how to play with two babies.

Hey, you forgot my extra towel

You dunderhead!

But that daddy went in all nice

And then, wh-when he came out

He was turned into
a mean old scary bear.

But I just wanted my daddy
to be different.

I didn't want him turneded
into some other daddy.

Okay, kids, you're
going to love this place.

Hands up, up, up, up.

Good girls.

Okay, champ,
you have fun.

( Squeaky kiss )

Daddy will be
right next door
getting worked on.

Up for a steam?

Catch you
later, bro.

I'm going right
for that massage.

Come on, guys,
we gots to stop my daddy

'Fore he gets worked on.

Let's go!

And one, and two

And touch the ground

( Laughing )
oh, you're so sweet.

And up...

( Humming )

♪ La-la-la-la ♪

♪ Doo-da-doo ♪

Oh, oh, ow.

I really should get back to stu.

He deserves a chance to relax.

We still have to
get our hair done.

And you haven't lived
till you've had

Your nostrils cleansed
by gisellda.

She's a genius.

( Buzzing )

Oh, I don't really
think I need-- oh!

( Didi snorting, dill laughing )

Well, I guess I could
stay a few minutes longer.

( Electrical buzzing )

What kind of stuff do they do
at the car fixing place?

Well, first they
banged down real hard.

( Grunting )

And then a big machine

Spitted out finger paint
on him.

( Spitting )

And then, I think
the last thing

They put some
green stuff all over him

And rubbed it
all around.

And that made him all shiny.

Oh, you don't really think

They're going to do
that kind of stuff

To your daddy,
do you, tommy?

( Humming )

( Chuckling )

Ooh!

( Humming )

Oh, no, he's already
getting banged on.

I gots to save him.

( Thumping
and grunting )

( Continued humming )

Just let me get a little more
lavender oil.

It's very therapeutic.

I just have one more
little sore spot

Right here...

Oh!

I said it was a little one.

Oh!

( Grunting and groaning )

( Bones cracking )

Oh, boy.

Mmm, I hope I'm not
supposed to leave a tip.

We did it!

We saved him!

Yep. He's kind of bended

But he still looks like

Your same daddy.

Oh, no. That must be

Where the finger paints
get spitted out.

We gots to get him
to come out.

How are we going to do that,
tommy?

Um, uh, oh... Look!

I just gots to
bang on that window.

Then daddy will see me
and come out.

Come on.

( Kids grunting )

( Steam hissing )

( Babies still grunting )

Hey, guys, I think I see him.

Ooh, oh...

Ooh, ooh, oh, oh, oh, oh...

Hmm. Is this going to
take much longer?

Relax, didi.

Beauty, truly
natural beauty

Takes time
and a lot of work.

I've got to give stu
a break from the kids.

( Dill yells, then laughs )

Well, I guess I could stay
a few minutes longer.

( Screaming )

( Steam hissing )

( Panting )

Oh, no, tommy's daddy
got finger-painted.

Well, at least
it's a nice color.

( Mumbling incoherently... )

( Mumbling )

Who are you?

Look! That looks like
the green stuff

They used at the car place
to make them shiny.

We gots to get that stuff.

Yuck.

Needs worms.

Now we's got to get
my daddy out of here.

What are you kids
doing in here?

I'll bet someone's looking for
you at the child-care center.

( Squealing )

Well, maybe it
won't be so bad

To have a whole
new daddy, tommy.

Maybe he won't be a scary bear.

Yeah, maybe he'll be
a mean scary dragon.

All's I know is he's not
going to be my old daddy

And I'm going to miss him
and so will dill.

I'm sorry I ever
made that wish.

( Gasping ):
tommy, look.

He's not a
scary old bear.

That's your same daddy.

See, tommy?
Wishes really
don't come true.

( Laughing )

There you are.

Well, at least you had fun.

Hi, g*ng. Well,
I feel great.

How about you, bro?
Refreshed?

Are you kidding?

That massage guy
pulverized me.

I nearly got fried
in the steam room.

I'm sure my facial

Had something crawling in it.

How do I feel?!

I feel... I feel...

Actually, I feel pretty good.

Didi:
oh, there you all are.

I'm sorry, honey.

I got here as soon as I could.

We're fine, deed, in fact,
there's both my boys.

( Kissing )

Well, he looks
like the same daddy

But I guess he
really is different.

How about...
The helicopter game?

Whee!
( Laughing ) ( laughing )

( Laughing )

Stu ( taped ):
clean underwear, clean
underwear, clean underwear...