05x17 - T.D. Gives A Report/Martha's Canine Cleaners

[bunniefuu]

♪ Martha was an average dog. ♪

♪ She went... and... and... ♪
(barking, growls)

♪ When she ate
some alphabet soup ♪

♪ Then what happened
was bizarre... ♪

On the way to Martha's stomach,
the letters lost their way.

They traveled to her brain,
and now...

♪ She's got a lot to say ♪

♪ Now she speaks... ♪

How now, brown cow?

♪ Martha speaks ♪

♪ Yeah, she speaks
and speaks and speaks ♪

♪ And speaks and speaks... ♪

What's a caboose?

When are we eating again?

♪ Martha speaks... ♪

Hey, Joe, what do you know?

My name's not Joe.

♪ She's not always right, but
still that Martha speaks... ♪

Hi, there.

♪ She's got a voice,
she's ready to shout ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ Sometimes wrong,
but seldom in doubt ♪

♪ Martha will tell you
what it's all about ♪

♪ That dog's unique... ♪

Testing, one, two.

♪ Hear her speak ♪

♪ Martha speaks and speaks
and speaks and speaks and... ♪

♪ Communicates, enumerates,
elucidates, exaggerates ♪

♪ Indicates and explicates ♪

♪ Bloviates and overstates
and... ♪

(panting)

♪ Hyperventilates. ♪

♪ Martha-- to reiterate--
Martha speaks. ♪

Hello!

Today we have
a special deal for you!

We have words like
"messy" and "ruined",

"destroyed" and "torn."

Wow!

How do I get them?

Just stay tuned!

But wait, there's more!

More!?

Did you just say more?!

That's right.

Today and today only,

you'll get words like
"passionate" and "avid",

"indifferent" and "apathetic".

Two different sets
of words in one show?

Incredible!

Listen for all the words
and we'll see you

at the end of the show.

MS. CLUSKY:
Have you all decided on topics

for your American history
reports?

TD!

Gum out, please.

Right.

Sorry.

What do you want to do
your report about?

The Pony Express.

(gasps)

Wonderful!

I'm sure the whole class
will be fascinated to hear

how mail was delivered

before cars or planes
were invented.

Terrific subject.

Okay, who else?

TD?

Uh... I think I'd like
to change my report.

Really?

I think the Pony Express
is a terrific topic.

The men on horseback,
thundering across the plains,

pouches bulging with letters
as they gallantly race

past unseen dangers
to see the mail safely

to its recipients.

Um, yeah, well...

He thought the Pony Express
was a train for ponies.

I told you.

Here they come!

Can't do my report.

Can't chew gum.

What's the point
of going to school?

You just have to think
of something else.

Hi, Martha, hi, Skits.

Something else!

That's... that's great!

There's plenty of things
you could do your report on.

Presidents, artists...

Huh?
Oh.

No, I was talking about
something else to chew.

Instead of gum.

Only what?

We can help.

We're experts on chewing stuff,
right Skits?

(barks)

Cool.

Hang on!

What about your report?

Oh, no.

You should never chew a report.

It tastes really horrible,

and afterwards
it's hard to read.

Come on, dogs.

Mine's going to be
about the astronauts

who walked on the moon.

I'm going to do
the Civil w*r, I think.

At least there's lots
of information about it.

What are you
going to do, TD?

Find a smaller stick.

No problem.

We know where
all the best sticks are.

But do you know what you're
going to do your report about?

(sighing):
No.

I had the other one
all ready.

Here, look:

One day these ponies were
walking along in the desert.

It was really hot
and they were tired of walking.

Then one of the ponies
got an idea.

They decided to put down
some railroad track.

And thus...

the Pony Express was born!

It wasoingo be such an
awesome and inspiring report.

Especially for ponies.

But there aren't
any facts in it.

You have to do research.

I did research.

Where?

In my head.

That's not research.

That's thinking.

Not the way I do it.

It's not a big deal.

You just have to find
another topic

you're passionate about.

What's passionate mean?

When you're passionate
about something

it means you like it
a lot a lot.

The way you're passionate
about breakfast and dinner.

We just have to find
something you like

the way Martha likes food.

And don't say ponies.

As much as I like food?

That is one tall order.

HELEN:
Look, there's lots of cool
stuff about trains.

You could do your report on
the transcontinental railroad.

(toy squeaking)

TD, I'm showing you something.

Oh, right.

This was the first
train track

to go all the way
across America.

They started building tracks
from both ends.

It took six years,
but then they finally met

in the middle.

Wow!

That's great!
Really?

Yeah, like, what if they missed.

My report can be about
how the tracks

went all around
looking for each other.

All like, "Where'd he go?"

"Oh no, I'm lost!"

But it didn't
happen that way!

The tracks
didn't get lost.

They didn't go
looking for each other.

A report has to be about
how things really happened.

You can't just
make stuff up.

It has to be real.

(sighs)

It's okay.

There's plenty
of other topics.

How about a president?
There's lots of them.

I thought of that.

I even talked
to my dad about it.

But not one president
was a vampire or a mummy.

Barely any were zombies.

It's hardly worth it.

I can't believe
TD's so indifferent

about working on his report.

Does "indifferent" mean

that you don't care
about something?

Right.

The way Truman
is indifferent

about ice cream.

He can take
it or leave it.

Please don't remind me.

TD just doesn't know
that it's kind of fun

to do research.

But how do you get him
over his indifference?

Tell him the library
is run by ponies?

I have an idea.

Remember when I was learning
to walk on a leash?

Come on, Martha!
Come on!

Walk with me!
Come on!

MARTHA:
I thought it was some kind
of weird game you were playing.

I didn't know I was supposed
to go with you.

Then I saw Rinty
with his people.

And that's how I figured out
what I was supposed to do.

Come on, Martha,
follow me...

MARTHA:
Well, after I thought about it
for a while...

I picked it up pretty quickly.

That's a great idea!

Put a leash on TD!

(giggles)

I'm starting to think

that's not what
you were saying.

I think if you show him
how to do the research,

then he'll do it too.

I'm going to the library
after this.

I'll ask TD to come
and help me.

Then he'll see
that doing research

is kind of like
being a detective.

A detective?

How?

Well, the way you have
to search for the facts,

and then figure out
how they fit together

to tell a true story.

What's taking him
so long, anyway?

This one tastes okay, but...

Do you have one
that doesn't squeak?

I don't want my teacher
to yell at me.

At least he's passionate
about something.

HELEN:
Doing research is about
narrowing things down.

It's like looking
for a missing sock.

You know what you're looking
for is in here somewhere.

But where?

Won't work.

Trust me.

Trust me.

The library is a lot
less messy than your room.

Let's start over here.

"Moon landing."

Okay, there's lots of books
and movies and videos

about the moon.

Some of them aren't
what I'm looking for.

"Goodbye Moon."

That's a little kids'
storybook.

Right, so we can
eliminate that one.

Perfect.

Yes.

Eliminate that.

Totally eliminate it.

That's just what
I was going to say.

Excuse me a second.

"To eliminate something
means to get rid of it."

Hm.

Problem eliminated!

There's a lot of books
about the space program.

I'm only interested
in the ones that have

information about
the moon walks.

Here's one--
man on the moon.

(high-pitched voice):
"Don't eliminate me, Helen!

Please!"

Great!
That's one.

Then I take notes.

Oops.

Can you pass me my eraser?

How did this get chewed up?

(chuckles)
Research.

(sighs)

Whoever invented gum
was very smart.

I'd hate to chew erasers.

They taste bad and they
make your mouth all rubbery.

And wet erasers
make your paper smudgy.

Wait a minute...
that's it!

What?

Where are you going?

To do research!

See you later!

Research?
On what?

He didn't say.

But I have a feeling he went
home to chew on things.

(sighs)

I can just see his report.

Tennis ball.

Chewy, but way too big.

Rope toy.

Smaller, but very rope-y.

Shoes--
upside: chewy.

Downside:
they make your parents yell

and they taste like dried foot.

Other things that
are not good to chew include

pillows, homework,
remote controls, furniture,

and the mailman.

Sorry.

Just part of the job.

At least it would
be research.

Crazy, but research.

Hola, humans.

Ready for your reports?

We were just about
to ask you the same thing.

All set.

Is it about ponies
or sticks?

Nope.

It's about a human.

Tom Adams.

Got it all under control.

Just wait!

TD!

What?

School is that way.

Oh, right.

Tom Adams?

Who's Tom Adams?

You don't think he meant
John Adams, do you?

The president?

(sighs)

This is going
to be bad.

All right, I think
we can stop there.

Thank you for that excellent
report on George Washington.

Who wants to go next?

TD.

Oh, no, here we go.

My report is about
the greatest man

in American history.

There's only one way to tell
such an important story.

Through the magic of...

... paper puppetry.

Our story starts with this man,
the president of Mexico,

Santa Anna,
at home in Staten Island.

Staten Island?

That's in New York,
not Mexico!

Shh!

He doesn't even have
the right country!

I, Santa Anna,
want to make tires.

Tires?

"That's right.

"Tires are made of rubber.

"But rubber is expensive.

"If I can make tires
out of something less expensive,

I'll get rich and can go back
to Mexico."

Santa Anna had been
president of Mexico,

but he'd been exiled--
that means he had to move

out of the country.

Right?

"Right!"

(giggles)

So this is true?

One day in ,
Santa Anna met an inventor.

"Hi."

"Hi!
How are you?"

"I'm fine.

How are you?"

"I'm fine too."

"Want to make tires?"

"Okay."

"Try the dried tree sap
I brought with me!"

"Okay, I will."

"It's called chicle."

For the next year,

the inventor tried to mix
the tree sap with rubber

to make tires.

It didn't work.

"I give up.

I'm going to throw this stuff
in the river!"

(groans)

(panting):
"This is hard work.

I need to sit down."

(sighs)

But then the inventor
had an idea.

"President Santa Anna
said South Americans

"like to chew this stuff.

"Maybe I'll just chew a little.

"Hey!

"This chicle is good!

"Wait a minute!

"Hold the phone!

"Holy cow!

"Eureka!

I have an idea!"

The inventor did have an idea.

An idea that would change
the world.

For on that day,
modern chewing gum was invented!

"Yay!"

The name of the inventor?

Thomas Adams,

the greatest man
in American history.

A genius who decided
to chew his tires

instead of throwing them
in the river.

Thank you.

(applause)

Wonderful!

I brought along samples,
if anyone would like to try

this amazing invention.

Not in class, TD.

(sighs)

That was great, actually.

How did you get over
your indifference

about doing a report?

I just had to find something
I was passionate about.

Then I realized
I was passionate about gum.

After I looked up
a few things

on the internet, I went
to the librarian for help.

She showed me
some magazine articles

on the library computer
that I couldn't get at home.

She showed me
where they kept the books

about Santa Anna
and the history of gum.

Did you know that
prehistoric people

chewed stuff
like tree bark and tar?

That's interesting.

There's so much
to find out.

What about dinosaurs?

What did they chew?

And what about vampires?

Do they have
blood-flavored gum?

MARTHA:
Hey, TD, we found some bones
behind the butcher shop.

They're a little dirty,
but they're fun to chew on.

Sorry.

No time.

I have to do research
for my new website.

Your new website?

Yeah!

TDReports.org.

Check it out!

Blood-flavored gum?

(groans)

I may never eat again.

Avid and averse.

When someone says
they're avid about something,

that means they're
very interested in it.

If they're avid
about an activity,

they want to do that activity
all the time.

My mom is an avid reader.

When she finishes one book,
she can't wait to start

the next one.

On the other hand,
when someone says

they are averse to something,
that means they do not like it.

Like the way TD feels
about cleaning.

I'm averse to it.

Martha is averse to lying.

Dogs always tell the truth.

But she is not averse
to eating.

It's true:
I am an avid eater.

Avid and averse--

be avid about telling them
apart!

Awww.

Cute little thing must be
chasing rabbits.

Hm.

Ha ha!

(loud tear)

Whoa!

Guess I'll be having
this lunch to go.

One new pillow coming right up.

(yawns)

(barks)

(Lily barking)

MARTHA:
Hang on, hang on.

You say were having
this crazy dream?

And then you woke up,
you saw you'd chewed a pillow?

Well, it will probably dry out.

Maybe no one will notice.

(barks)

(gasps)

There's a tear in it?!

(barks)

When you tear something,
it means you pull it apart

until it breaks
or there's a hole in it.

Don't worry.

When I was a puppy, I used
to tear things all the time.

I tore curtains...

I tore socks...

I can't even remember
how many dish towels

I put tears in.

I was avid about
tearing things.

Puppies tear things
all the time.

(barks)

Did I get in trouble?

Oh boy, did I!

I thought they were going
to send me away.

Oh...

Maybe that wasn't
the best story to tell.

Aw, don't cry, Lily.

You won't get in trouble.

Skits and I will come help you
hide the pillow.

No one will ever know anything
about that tear.

I need a new pillow.

I put a tear in my old one
and ruined it.

Wow.

That's a lot of pillows.

So that's the pillow, huh?

Yup, that's pretty much
destroyed.

Okay.

Stand back while I eliminate
the evidence!

(barks)

Uh-oh!

(barks)

Good thinking, Skits!

We can bury the feathers!

(whimpers)

(barks)

I'm making it worse?

How am I making it worse?

(barks)

I'm not leaving dog fur
on the sofa...

Whoops.

Hairs.
(chuckles)

Well, at least they're
just on the sofa.

No!
(barks)

Um...

When is Milo's dad coming home?

Too soft.

Too firm.

(whimpers)

Don't cry, Lily.

I promise.

We'll have it
spotless in no time.

(barks)

No, spotless
is not another word

for really, really,
really messy.

When something is spotless,

it means it's really,
really, really clean.

As in, "There's not a spot
of dirt anywhere."

(barks)

What does messy mean?

It's the opposite
of spotless.

Messy means something
is really dirty.

Like this living room
right now.

It's a mess.

But it's going
to be spotless!

You'll see!

And I know just
the tool we need.

(barks)

(gulps)

(sighs)

Follow me.

(whimpers)

Desperate times call
for desperate measures, Skits.

I think it's sleeping.

(sniffs)

(barks)

Don't rush me.

I'll take this instead.

(grunting)

Ow. Run!

That thing is almost as
dangerous as the vacuum cleaner.

Gotcha!

Okay.

One spotless living room
coming right up.

Whoopsie.

Ow!

Hang on...

(cries out)

At least that's the kind
of mess a dog can handle.

That's one mess
eliminated, and...

A whole lot of
other messes to go.

(whimpers)

(barks)

(chuckling):
Don't worry.

We can do it.

I hope Milo's dad is gone
for a really long, long time...

This is the one!

Now to get h...

Oh.

Mmm.

Forget that schmancy tool.

I say we stick with the tried
and true methods of cleaning.

Who needs brooms?

This is easy.

(coughing)

(gulps)

Maybe we should get more help.

Open an account and get an
additional ten percent off?

(sighs)

MARTHA:
...and you are the
perfect dog to help us

clean the sofa
because poodles do not shed,

ergo you will not leave
any more dog hair.

(barks)

Okay, Skits and I
will hold up

the corners of the rug
like so...

while you kick
all the feathers and fur

onto the floor where we
can hide them under the rug.

(barks)

Francois!

Hang on! Francois!

At least the pot didn't break.

(glass breaking)

(shrieks)

Bummer.

(barks)

Yeah!

A mop would be
a great idea!

Whoa!

That didn't go as planned.

Skits!

Help me out, will you?

Oh, boy.

(barks)

I am most certainly not trying
to destroy your house!

When you destroy something,
it means you break it

or mess it up so badly
it can never be fixed.

This house isn't anywhere
near destroyed.

But it's getting
pretty close.

Where'd you get
the water for the mop?

(barks)

The toilet?

You are so smart!

Whoa!

Let's face it.

Dogs make lousy housekeepers.

(barks)

We need someone who's good
with cleaning tools.

Someone with thumbs.

(barks)

No.

Better than Helen.

Monkeys!

(monkeys screeching)

Okay.

Maybe asking zoo monkeys
to clean the house

wasn't the best idea ever.

Better put a stop to it.

Okay, you monkeys!

Stop that right n...

(whistling)

Quick!

Hide the evidence!

Oh.
Hey there!

You guys decide to have
a doggy play date?

Yeah, sorta.

Wait!
Stop!

(gulps)

I... have something
to tell you.

What is it?

Yes, uh, well, it was on
the tip of my tongue...

Nope, lost it.

Maybe if you go away
and come back later,

I'll remember.

I'm sure you'll
remember inside.

Wait, I remember,
that's right.

Your house is full
of monkeys.

(chuckles)

"Your house is full
of monkeys."

Is that a joke?

I don't get it.

It's not.

And you will.

I can't look!

I can't believe it!

I must have left my keys
at the department store!

Really?

I'll be back.

(crashing and
monkeys screeching)

Must've left the TV
on the Nature Channel.

Now this is destroyed.

Hey!
Monkeys!

Get back here
and clean this mess!

You've ruined this house!

(chuckles)

Well, at least
they're gone right.

(barks)

The worst idea anyone
ever had ever?

Don't you think that's
a little harsh, Francois?

I mean baths,
trips to the vet--

there are a lot worse ideas
than getting monkeys

to clean your house.

(barks)

Yes, I know.

Time is running out.

Don't worry.

I have a plan.

The four of us are going
to get this all cleaned up.

Trust me!

(barks)
How?

Well, looks like it's time
to get serious.

I really appreciate you coming
out to give us a hand...

or trunk.

Did anyone find any keys?

He is so talented!

And I thought dogs were smart.

(chuckles)

I lost my keys.

I did not know how we
were going to fix that one.

He lost his keys.

Wait a minute.

I know where my keys are!

I left them on the key hook
by the living room door.

(laughs)

Boy, that is really...
embarrassing.

Who needs thumbs when
you've got a trunk like that?

Wow, Jeffy!

This place looks spotless!

I can't believe I locked myself
out of the house.

Milo's dad!

He's back!

We've got to put away the mop
and the broom.

Jeffy!
Stop!

The floor is still wet.

How would we explain elephant
tracks in the kitchen?

Perfect.

Now hurry up and dry floor!

(blows air)

I can see myself.

Good work, Jeffy.

Maybe I left the back door
unlocked.

(sighs)

Maybe I can jimmy it open.

Quick.
Everyone!

Out the front door.

Gah!

No doggie door!

How on earth?

Oh well.

Better get rid
of that torn pillow.

Wait a minute!

How did...?

It was here!

Did you...?

Nah.

Impossible.

Accidents happen.

But Martha's Housekeeping
Service is here to help.

(trumpets)
(barks)

Have a nasty spill?

With Martha's Maid Service,
your rug isn't ruined...

it's restored!

(barks)

What's ruined mean?

It means it's messed up
so badly it can't be fixed.

But Martha's Maid Service
can remove any stain!

(trumpets)

Huh?

No job is too small!

Or too big.

(trumpets)

Uh... Sorry.

Actually.

This job is too big.

Martha's Maid Service!

We can make everything spotless!

Except TD's room and Dalmatians.

(barks)

Did you catch
all the words?

Here are some again.

Again?

When you're passionate
about something

it means you like it a lot.

When something is spotless

it means it's really, really,
really clean.

Well, that's our show!

Tune in next time
for more free words.

Bye!

Free words?

How is it possible?

TD, show's over.

I still want to know!

They're going to turn off
the lights now.

or check out your local library

for the Martha Speaks books.