01x09 - The Box/The Trial

[bunniefuu]

[bell rings]

[children cheer]

Whaa!

Aah!

Gulp! [burps]

-Maybe it didn't work.
-It had to work.

It was a foolproof plan.

According to my calculations,

discovery should take place just about...

[Hank screams]

Now.

It's a disaster!
It's a disaster, I say!

Hank, what's the matter?

The big freezer's on the fritz.

But that means...

That's right,

the whole semester's supply of ice cream
is melting all over the floor,

including principal Prickly's
private stash of frozen fudgies.

Pull yourself together, man!

We'll just have to get
that ice cream out of there.

And the what Muriel?

You can't just leave gallons

of frozen dessert out in the open.

By : ,
we'll have a fudge swirl disaster,

the likes of which
this school has never seen.

Oh, what are we going to do?
What are we going to do?

Uh, Hank,

perhaps we could be of assistance.

I don't think I could eat another bite.

[burps]

Me, neither.

Oh, what the heck?
Hand me that double chocolate swirly.

See? I told you guys it would work.

You're in big trouble...

-What did I do?
-Someone unplugged the big freezer,

and that someone is you.

But, miss Finster, I wasn't
anywhere near the big freezer.

Oh, yeah? Well, explain this.

[T.J.] Uh-oh.

Come on, pally.
It's the wall for you.

How's it going, Teej?

Ah, pretty good,

the view's not so hot,
but at least I got company.

Hey, a brick wall's easier
on the eyes than Finster.

Look at them, Randall,

swarming around their little friend,

laughing, joking as if the wall

were no punishment at all.

You know, Randal.

It occurs to me as long
as children have each other,

discipline is impossible.

The key is to sever
the link to their friends.

Break that, and you break the child.

But how, miss Finster?

I'm not sure, Randall.

I need a punishment
that's socially isolating,

something impenetrable, but what? What?

[whistle blows]

Fall in...

Here! Now!

It has come to my attention
that some of you

do not take my playground
punishments seriously.

You seem to think that getting
in trouble is a big joke,

a game as it were.

Well I say the joke's on you

because the rules of the game
just changed.

Discipline has a new name,
and that name is...

the box.

Any infraction of any rule
no matter how slight

will result in a trip to the box.

Get caught running on the blacktop,

go to the box,

take cuts in line, go to the box!

Any horseplay, joking around,
or unauthorized fun of any kind, the box!

No questions asked. Got it?
Good. That is all.

It's just a bunch of lines
painted on the ground.

Yeah, talk about lame.

It's Finster's folly.

This is big, Randall.

Really big.

It's gonna make me more famous
than Mildred Frizbone.

Mildred who?

Frizbone, Randal! Frizbone!

The teacher who invented
detention back in ' .

But, miss Finster,
the kids are just laughing at it.

Well, they won't be laughing long,
Randall.

They won't be laughing long.

Whoo! Ha ha ha!

Yoo, aha ha.

Ha ha! Whoo!

Oh, man! That was great.

T.J. Detweiler, I might have
known you'd be the first

to test my new punishment.

minutes in the box.

T.J.'s going to the box!

T.J.'s getting the box!

The Finster's box... T.J.

[children] T.J.! T.J.! T.J.! T.J.!

[cheering]

Have your fun while you can,
Mr. Detweiler,

Because you're not
coming out for minutes.

As for the rest of you, stay away!

Anybody gets within yards
of this thing,

And you'll get detention for a week.

Come, Randall.

Let's leave Mr. Detweiler alone
with his thoughts.

The box... big deal.

Let's play a little catch.

Oh, well, who cares?

I'll be out of here in a mere...

minutes?

Yeah, that's OK.
I'll just watch the clouds go by.

Yeah, that's it.

There's one. Nope, just a bird.

Well, I wonder what time it is now.

I know. I'll just take a little nap.

I haven't had a nice nap in a long time.

[bird squawks]

Huh, what? Oh, man, I must have dozed off.

Sure hope I'm not late for class.

No, this is crazy.

Oh, this box is stupid!
Just a bunch of dumb lines.

In fact, dumb lines... , , , .

Four dumb lines.

Four stupid,
dumb lines painted on the ground.

They're not going to get to me.
No, sir, not to me.

[Mikey] Look at him.
He's like one of those tigers in the zoo.

Maybe the box is tougher than we thought.

I hope he's going to be all right.

Not gonna get to me, not gonna get to me.

Aah! It's getting to me!

No, no, no!

It's time to let him out, miss Finster.

What do you say we give
him an extra two minutes?

That's inhuman.

You're a genius, miss Finster.

♪ This old man, he played two ♪

♪ He played knickknack on my shoe ♪

Had enough, Detweiler?

Yes, oh yes, T.J.'s had enough.

Fine. You may come out if you promise

to be a good boy
and follow my rules from now on.

Oh, yes, miss Finster.
T.J.'s a good little boy.

Get him out of here!

T.J., you made it. You survived.

Looking good, buddy.

No. T.J.'s looking bad,
but he'll be good, good, good.

Oh, man, this is bad, you guys.

He's really snapped.

Hey. this is T.J. we're talking about.

By tomorrow morning, he'll be fine.

T.J.'s a good boy, good boy, good boy.

Here you go, T.J. a nice ravioli.

-No!
-What's wrong with him?

Don't you see? The ravioli is a square.
The square is a symbol of...

-The box?
-Aah! The box! The box!

But he's got to eat something.

Here. Have some of my sandwich.

-Put it down, Mikey. It's a square.
-Oh.

Detweiler! I've got a little job for you.

T.J. help miss Finster.

Get her lunch, clean her shoes.

T.J. Good boy, good boy.

Eraser duty.

He's sunk as low as a kid can get.

We gotta do something, you guys,
before we lose T.J. forever.

Maybe if we just never
use the word "square" again.

Yeah, right.
What are we going to do, play four-circle?

Perhaps we've been going
about this all wrong.

What do you mean, Gretchen?

Well, according to Dr. Freud here,

trying to take a person's mind
off his fears Is just playing into them.

The only cure is
to make the person confront those fears.

In other words
T.J. must go back in the box.

What? Are you crazy?!

There's no way T.J.
will go back in that box.

He's scared to death of it.

I know one way.

What's that Gretchen?

Finster.

T.J.'s a good boy, careful boy,
stays out of trouble.

No trouble, no trouble.

I don't like this.
I don't like this one bit.

We got to do it, Vince.
It's for his own good.

Ready? , , .

Hey!

T.J. Detweiler!

Mock me, will you? Back to the box!

No, not the box. Not the box!

Are you sure this was a good idea?

Absolutely. It will cure him completely

eider that or push him over the edge

so he'll be a blubbering mass
for the rest of his life.

♪ This old man, he played two ♪

♪ He played knickknack on my shoe ♪

Ooh!

Hey, mister, little help.

Ah?

The ball, could you throw it to me?

Ugh!

Dumb fourth graders.

Think they're better than everybody else.

But... but he came in the box.

He can't come in the box.

Ha!

It's just four dumb lines
painted on the ground.

Well, Randall,
it seems Mr. Spitball's minutes are up.

What do you say we go release him?

Or at least what's left of him.

Hey, there, miss Finster,
minutes already?

Oh, well, yes, they are.

Great. Then I'd better get out of here.

I got a lot of playing to catch up on.
See you later, Finster baby.

But, you're supposed to be
a blithering jello mold.

What, 'cause of that?

I'd have to be nuts to be afraid of that.
See ya!

But my box, my brainchild,

it's ruined, ruined!

Poor T.J. he looked so sad
when she took him away.

I feel like such a traitor.

Why did I read that stupid Freud?

[T.J.] Hey!

Anybody up for a little dodgeball?

[all] T.J.!

I'll take that as a yes.

You're OK.

But of course.

We thought we lost you, man.

Yeah. listen, T.J., I'm sorry
we got you into trouble.

The whole thing was my dumb idea.

Ah, forget about it!

If you hadn't done that,

I'd still be pounding erasers
and polishing Finster's shoes.

So you're not mad?

Heck, no. You guys were right.

Sometimes, the only way to get over
your fears is to face them head on.

The fact is, I couldn't get out of the box

until I went back in.

My box! My box! My beautiful box!

See you later,
miss Finster, a lot later.

[cheering and shouting]

Incoming!

Man, there is nothing
like a good dirt clod w*r.

You can say that again.

[Randalf screams]

Ohh... rock... thrown.

Don't know... if I'll... make it.

A rock?

What kind of rotten, evil kid
would throw a rock in a dirt clod w*r?

Hey, guys, what's going on?

It was her. Spinelli did it.

She threw the... rock.

Uh-oh.

That little -bit, snot-faced,
gob-of-spit.

I can't believe he'd
say that stuff about me.

Yeah, just 'cause
you threw a rock at a guy.

I did not throw a rock at a guy.

Good. 'Cause throwing a rock
in a dirt clod w*r

-is about as low as a kid can get.
-Ugh!

Look, if Spinelli says
she didn't, she didn't.

Yeah. Besides, it's been a whole day.

Everybody's probably
forgotten about it by now.

[boy] There she is, the rock-thrower!

What do you want, rock-thrower?,

To, like,
smack this poor innocent kid again?

Ohh.

Innocent kid? It's Randall.

Oh, yeah? Well, even if
it is just Randall,

You can't throw a rock in a dirt clod w*r.

It's just plain wrong.

But I didn't do it.
I wasn't near the weasel.

Well, where were you, then?

I-I can't say.

I know where she was...
out getting more rocks.

Take her to Prickly!

Turn her over to Finster!

Send her to the dodgeball wall.

No, wait.

I say we give her a swirly.

[toilet flushing sound]

[children] Swirly! Swirly! Swirly!

Hey, wait a minute! You can't give
a swirly without a fair trial.

Oh, yeah? Says who?

[kind Bob] Says me.

As long as I'm king on this playground,
we're gonna do things right.

-See.
-First, a fair trial,

then we'll give her a swirly.

[children] Yay!

And to make sure
the trial goes as planned,

I appoint the smartest kid
on the playground to be prosecutor...

Gretchen Grundler.

But I can't be the prosecutor.
I'm Spinelli's friend.

Silence!

The trial will begin at noon sharp,

the swirly at : .

[children] Yay!

Swirly! Swirly! Swirly!

What am I going to do?

Hey, common Spinelli, it's gonna be OK.

After all, you've got Gretchen
for a prosecutor.

She'll go easy on you.

Actually, T.J.,

according to the constitution
of the playground,

it is my duty to prosecute to
the fullest extent of the law.

See you in court.

I'm doomed.

OK, Spinelli, this is gonna be great.

Look, all you've got to do
is take the stand,

Tell everybody
what really happened,

and you're home free.

I can't.

What do you mean, you can't?

I said I can't, OK?

I'm taking the stand and I'm not telling
what really happened.

But Spinelli if you don't,
they'll give you the swirly for sure.

I'm not taking the stand,
and that's final.

Hear ye, hear ye!

The high court of the playground
is now in session,

the right honorable king Bob presiding.

All rise.

OK, let's get this over with.
I'm missing lunch.

The prosecution may begin.

Your honor, boys and girls of the jury,

throwing a rock in a dirt clod w*r

is the most despicable crime
a kid can commit.

Worse than taking cuts in line,

Worse than trowing slush balls.

Even worse than spitting loogies
in the drinking fountain.

Today I intend to prove
beyond a shadow of doubt

that this violent and ill-tempered girl...

sorry, Spinelli --

Is guilty, guilty, guilty!

[children] Yay!

The people-- kids call
Randall j. Weems to the stand.

[crowd murmurs]

Do you,
Randall "the snitch" Weems,

swear to tell the truth
and nothing but the truth?

Uh, I do.

Randall, tell us in your own words
exactly what happened yesterday.

Well, this head wound's pretty bad,
but I'll tell you what I remember.

It was a dirt clod w*r
to end all dirt clod wars.

Like always, I was pretty much

having to fight
the whole thing single-handed.

And then I saw her.

Ha ha! Gotcha, wimpos.

Of all the cowardly acts. Spinelli!

Randall!

It's just you and me, sister.

I... I can't fight you, Randall.

You are my moral and physical superior.

You're right, Spinelli.
It wouldn't be fair.

After all, I can b*at you any day
at throwing dirt clods.

True, Randall,
but this is not a dirt clod.

You wouldn't.

Just watch me.

I say we give her the swirly now!

[children] Swirly! Swirly! Swirly!

Now, wait a minute.

Just because Randall says Spinelli did it

doesn't mean it's true.

Yeah, I mean, why would Spinelli
want to hit Randall with a rock anyway?

Yes, why?
What possible motive

would miss Spinelli have
for beaning this innocent boy?

I mean, you don't have anything against
my client, do you, Spinelli?

Not enough to hit him with a rock.

Oh, really?

I call Mikey to the stand.

Me?

Mikey, did you or did you not tell me
about something you saw yesterday?

I'm sorry, Spinelli, but I saw it.

I saw it all.

[Mikey] It was a nightmare
of a dirt clod w*r.

I had never seen such carnage.

Madness! Madness!

But then I saw Spinelli,

and my heart felt hope for mankind.

You OK, man?

Get me a tissue.

I said get me a tissue now!

Timeout! Timeout!

♪ I got Spinelli ♪

♪ I got Spinelli ♪

I'm going to cream you, you little worm!

You hit Spinelli during a timeout?

She was right. You are a worm.

Your honor, please,
my client's not the one on trial here.

Go on, Mickey.

Well, I was afraid Spinelli was going
to do something she'd regret,

so I chased after them.

[panting]

[Mikey] I saw them on the other side
of the fence.

OK, OK, I give! Please, don't bean me!

Spinelli, don't!

I ran for the gate,
but before I got there...

[Randall screams]

It was too late, too late.

It's OK, Mikey. It's OK.

When will you people learn?
w*r is not a game!

It's not a game!

I thought it was a game.

Boys and girls of the jury,

The facts of the case are clear.

Provoked or not,
the defendant att*cked my client

and beaned him with a rock,

And your verdict
must be as simple...

guilty, boys and girls. Guilty.

Guilt! Guilty!

Does the defense have anything to say

before we sentence
your client to a swirly?

Yes, your honor, we do.

There's only one defense
against charges as heinous as these,

and that defense is the truth.

That is why we call...
Spinelli to the stand.

What? I told you guys I'm not talking.

Look, Spinelli.
This isn't just about you anymore,

This is about all of us.

He's right.

Letting people punish you

for something you didn't do
is plain wrong.

If you let people give you
a swirly you don't deserve,

Then you're just as wrong
as they are.

Oh, man, T.J.

Why do I let you
talk me into these things?

OK, Spinelli, tell us what really happened
at the dirt clod w*r today.

Well, it was like this.

There I was standing over Randall,

him begging for forgiveness

and me with
a dirt clod in my hand...

not a rock, a dirt clod.

I was just gonna nail him
when I heard a sound from above me.

[meow]

It was some stupid cat stuck in a tree.

I figured I had to help it,

so I just forgot all
about that idiot Randall

and did what I had to do.

Come on, boy. Come on.

You mean, you're, like, saying
you didn't bean Randall

'cause you were saving
a kitty from a tree?

Yes.

I should have just taken the swirly.

Oh, come on. This is, like, so not true.

Spinelli saving a kitty? As if.

Oh, yeah? You can ask miss Finster
if you don't believe me.

Miss Finster?
What does she have to do with it?

Well, you're not going to believe this...

Conan!

Oh, my little baby-waby.
Where did mommy lose you?

Good work, Spinelli. I owe you one.

[Spinelli] Turned out the dumb cat
was Finster's all along.

So there's your proof, OK?

I wasn't anywhere near Randall
when he got hit by that rock.

But that doesn't make any sense.

If you were getting Finster's cat
out of the tree,

who threw the rock?

Yeah, what's the truth?

What? Why is everyone looking at me?

I'm not the one on trial, right, Gretchen?

Actually, Randal. I, too,
would like to hear the truth for a change.

The truth?
You can't handle the truth!

Try us, Randal.

OK, you want the truth? Well, here it is.

All those years of snitching for Finster,
running around for Finster,

being Finster's sl*ve,
and never once have I ever got a

"Good job, Randall. I owe you one."

Never! And then little
miss Spinderell comes along

and all she does
is gets that stupid cat out of a tree,

and it's,
"Good job, Spinelli. I owe you one."

Those words will burn in my soul forever.

But who threw the rock, Randall?

Who threw the rock?

I did it, OK? It was me!

There I was, watching
miss Finster compliment

my arch-nemesis Spinelli.

It sickened me. And that's when I saw it.

That beautiful rock
just lying there on the ground.

So I picked it up.

Then I realized how heavy it was
and found another.

And I threw it. I threw it straight up
in the air.

I hit myself on the head, OK?

And I'd do it again! I'd do it again!

Oh, Finster, my Finster,
how you t*rture me.

What an idiot!

That's the lamest thing I ever heard.

In light of this new evidence,
the prosecution withdraws its case.

[children] Yay!

Which means this court has
only one other official duty.

Give Randall the swirly!

Well, Spinelli, I told you
we were your dream team.

Yeah, sorry we didn't
believe you at first.

It's just...
I thought I saw what I thought I saw.

Hey, don't worry about it.

I was the one who wouldn't take the stand.

Besides you guys were all there
when I needed ya...

Even you, Gretchen.

Hey, what are friends for?

How could we ever have doubted her?

[Randalf screaming]

[children] Swirly! Swirly! Swirly!