01x04 - Baby Commercial/Little Dude

[bunniefuu]

Umph!

[ Gasps]

Whee!

Look, betty.

It's the diaper commercial

The twins were in.

Tighties...

They look so angelic.

They are cute,
but-- whoo!

Still gives me
a headache

Just thinking about
what happened that day.

Another cup
of bavarian mocha?

Sure. I'll help.

What's wrong, tommy?

I don't get it.

How can you be here

And be in the tv
at the same time?

It's a "merchel," tommy.

A mershel?
What's that?

A commercial.

That's when they take you
to this big room

Shine bright lights on you,
and sh**t you.

sh**t you?

Uh-huh. It all started
that morning

When mommy took us
to the tv place.

Mommy was so excited we were
going to be in a commercial

She cleaned us up extra good
and bought us new clothes

And when
we finally got there...

[ Sneezes]

Oh, isn't this wonderful.

You must be
mrs. Deville.

I'm bob,
the assistant director.

Oh, yes.

And these must be
our little stars

Phil and lil.

They sure look bright-eyed
and bushy-tailed.

You come with me.

These are our clients
from snow, steele, and trickum.

This is mr. Snow.

[ Snoring]
mr. Steele.

And mr. Trickum.

Nice to meet
you gentlemen.

They can't hear you.

They're advertising
executives.

I have given
you everything!

So then she said

"Whatever you do,
don't sell that poodle."

What's hesupposed to be?

I don't know.

Maybe he's
some kind of clown.

Oh, wow.

Sometimes I am too much.

That's johnathan wit,
our director.

He'll be wanting to meet
you and the kids right away.

Excuse me. Johnathan?

Uh, bud, isn't it?

It's bob, actually.

I'm your sister's husband?

Oh, right.

This is mrs. Deville.

She's the mother
of the tw...

The pyramid.

This is it:

The diaper box pyramid
I had in my dream!

The colors, the angles,
the placement.

I love this pyramid!

He really likes diapers.

Yeah. He must not
be potty trained yet.

Sir, this is
the mother of the twins.

Twins? What twins?

The stars
of the commercial.

Oh, right.

You're late.

Very unprofessional.

Get these little
whatchamacallits...

Babies.

Yeah, babies.
Get them into makeup.

I've got to center.

We'll take the kids
from here, mrs. Deville.

Now listen
to the nice makeup people

And break a l...

I mean, uh, good luck.

Makeup, babies flying in.

Makeup was like nothing

We'd ever seen
in your entire lives:

Adults everywhere,
poking us and combing us

And poofing us.

We're ready on the set.

From then on,
we were in show business.

Quiet!

Phil, you want
those diapers.

They represent
a higher state of being.

Now I want you to crawl
to the diaper box, look left

Then smile at the camera
and wink like this.

Got it?

[ Whispers:]
roll cameras.

Roll cameras!

Rolling!

Speed.

Marker.

[ Whispering:]
and... Action.

Action.

Cut!
What is with this kid?

I am giving and not
getting anything back.

If you'd just...

Get the mother!

It's the ninth inning,
and the score is tied.

Then strawberry hits one
right over the old fence.

[ Mumbling]

No. It was
a right field fence.

We need your help.

Would you mind
looking after her?

[ Mumbling]

He just doesn't seem
to want to move.

I'll see what I can do.

Whenever
you're ready, sir.

[ Sighs]

Roll cameras.

Roll cameras!

Rolling!

Speed!

Action.

Come on, phil.

That's mommy's
big boy.

You can do it,
philly.

Go for the diapers.

Cut!

I'm getting a headache!

A headache, bud,
not a neck ache.

This kid is not working!

It's bob, sir.

I'll get the other baby.

Hey, where's the kid?

I don't know.

[ Mumbling]

We can't find
the other baby.

What? Lil!

Where's my baby?

[ Mumbling]

Where is she,
you big yutz?

Up there!

[ Gasps:]
my baby!

Oh, my head.

Whoo!

Hang on, baby!

I'll save you!

That's it.

You got her.

A little higher.

My... My...
My camera!

Whoa!

Whee!

[ Screaming]

My camera!

My baby!

My pyramid.

[ Grunting]

No! No! Not my pyramid!

Aw, come on, kid!

Give me a break!

Not my pyramid!

[ Panting]

Whee!

Oh, lil!

My little baby!

Oh! Thank heavens
you're all right.

[ Panting]
get... Off...

My... Set!

You almost destroyed
a brilliant masterpiece.

I've been in this business
six years

And nobody, nobody
has ever..!

[ Squeaking]

[ Rumbling]
[ screaming]

[ Gasps]

[ Beeping]

[ Grunting]

You'll never work
in this town again!

I have sacrificed
for you!

I have been like
a father to you, leo

And this is
how you thank me?

Good. Thank you, leo.

You want to do
the golf thing?

[ Beeping]

Hey, it's : .

Let's see
that playback.

P-playback?

Hey, this is great
stuff, johnathan.

I love it.

It's a beautiful thing.

You're a lot better
than we thought.

[ Crying]

So that's how
you get in the tv.

[ Both:]
yep. That's how
you get in the tv.

[ Doorbell chimes]

Hmm?

Hello, mrs. Deville.

Now, look.

I told you, mr. Wit,
no more commercials.

I've got to have those kids.

My answer's the same:

No, sir. Good-bye.

You've got to hear me out.

Those kids are brilliant.

They're geniuses.

They're fantabulous.

Hey, kids, tell your mom

How much fun it was working
with johnathan. Okay?

Please tell her!

I've got candy.

Hey, where you going?

I'll get you
anything you want:

Toys, games,
your own dressing room.

It will be different!

I promise!

Hmm...

Pickles needs this ten-foot putt
for a birdie

And the championship.

Didi:
pop?!

[ Glass breaking]

Fiddlesticks.

Pop?

Pop, have you seen tommy?

Tommy who?

[ Cooing and giggling]

That a boy, tommy.

Good arm.

There you are.

Hey, where you going

With my caddie?

You don't have
to baby-sit today, pop.

I'm taking tommy to school.

School? The little fella's
only one year old.

It's just for a visit.

I'm teaching the kids
how to diaper babies

And I'm bringing tommy

As a... A learning aid.

You mean an experiment.

He's nothing but a monkey
to you people.

Say good-bye
to grandpa, tommy.

So, who's going
to caddie for me?

Maybe spike wants the job.

Spike, fetch.

Oh, fiddlesticks.

[ Bell clanging]

This is a baby.

All:
ah...

His name is tommy,
and he's one year old.

Are there any questions
before we move on?
I got a question.

What's that smell?

[ Sniffing]

Oh, um, I'm glad
you asked that question, steve.

Our next topic is:
how to change a dirty diaper.

All:
eww!

Any volunteers?

Oh, wow, man.
Uh-huh.

How about extra credit.

[ Gurgling and babbling]

Uh...

Eww.
[ Gurgling and babbling]

Eww!

[ Sighing]

Whoa!

Dare you to stick
your face in it.

That is one
bodacious load.

He's mine.

It's rocko.

Boy # :oh, man.

Boy # :
I thought he got...

Is there something
you'd like to share

With the class, ramon?

Yeck!

Eww!

Gross!

Yech!

[ Laughing and gurgling]

Very cool.

Whew.
Whew.

[ Trumpets playing fanfare]

I dub thee

Little dude.

[ Bell clanging]

Thank you, class--
and thank you, ramon.

Don't mention it, mrs. P.

I got a brother his age,
so I'm used to it.

See you
around campus, kid.

Mrs. Pickles, can we play
with tommy for a while?

We'll be careful,
we promise.

Please, mrs. Pickles.

Well...

Can we? Say yes.

Okay. I need to take
a lunch break anyway.

Bring him to me
at the faculty lounge

If he gets fussy.
You be a good boy, sweetie.

Mmm-wah.

[ Rock n' roll music playing]

So I told him,
"like forget it.

"I mean, get real for once.

I'm a human being too,
you know."

Oh, my gosh.
There he is-- number .

Who's the kid?

Your new boyfriend?

You are so immature.

Hey, kirsten

You going
to watch me practice tonight?

Why should i?

You won't be watching
your little boyfriend.

All:
oh, my gosh!

[ Gurgling]

Okay. We'd better split up.

Pamela, you take the gym.

Stephanie, the library.

He can't get very far.

I mean he doesn't even know
how to walk yet. Does he?

[ Growling]

Ugh!

Whoa...

Whoa, ho, ho...

Whoa...

Did the lunch bell ring
a minute ago?

Minutes ago, rocko.

Take a break, would you?

[ Laughing]

[ Gurgling]

[ Whimpering]

Do you think this
will affect our grade?

Pamela, don't panic.

Think like a baby.

Now, if you were a baby,
where would you go?

Hey...

I just had this... Washed!

Who's the wise guy?

Food fight!

You again?!

Hold it!

I'll take that.

Okay.

Tommy?

I'm so glad
you found him.

Is he all right?
Naturally. He's the little dude.

Didi:
oh, there you are.

I've been looking
all over for you.

Was he any trouble?

Let's put it this way:
we have a better idea

Of what it's like
to have children.

Totally.

That's nice.

See you around,
g*ng...

Especially you, little dude.

[ Cooing]

How'd everything go
today?

It was very educational,
wasn't it, tommy?

So, what did you learn
in school today, scout?

I'm telling you--

That kid's got
an arm on him.

[ Pop laughing]

Pop:
oh, what an arm. What an arm.