02x10 - To Cut a Woman's Hair

Episode transcripts for the show, "Adventure Time". Aired: April 5, 2010 - September 3, 2018.*
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Twelve- year-old Finn battles evil in the Land of Ooo.
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02x10 - To Cut a Woman's Hair

Post by bunniefuu »

Hey, Jake, give me
some of that apple.

Coming up.

I know what you're
thinking about.

Huh?

Kissing

Princess Bubblegum on the mouth!

No, I'm not!

And I wouldn't
even do that ever.

Yeah, you would.

You're just bad at
talking to ladies.

Hmph!

Ehggg-uh-ya-uh.

Uh, should I keep going, Mrs.
Yoder?

No, Finn, that's plenty.
Thank you.

Okay.

Let us know if you
need anything else.

Hyah!

You two are heroes!

Hunh!

Come on, dude.

Hey, do you hear that?

She called us heroes.

Yeah, I heard.

Huh?

Hey! How's it going?!

Ugh!

Is that true, what
the bird said?

You guys are heroes?

Why are you hiding
in that shrub?

Oh, I wasn't hiding.

I'm a Tree Witch.

I can turn into trees and shrubs

and bushes and stuff.

Check it out.

Bleh.

So, listen, I need you two

heroes to get me a
lock of Princess hair.

Why do you need Princess hair?

Why?

'Cause I have a balding problem!

What, are you blind?

Are you blind?!

No, we're not blind.

I had no idea.

I didn't know.

Anyway, I need the Princess

hair so I can put it on my head.

And then I'll be beautiful.

Oh. Well, we know
lots of Princesses.

Uh, can you, um,
give us a minute?

Yeah, okay.

Dude, I don't think
we should help her.

Why not?

'Cause she's a witch!

Maybe she's a good witch.

Her?

Are you kidding?

Come on, look at her!

If she was good, she
wouldn't be so ugly.

Are you guys still talking?!

So what do we do?

Tell her we can't help
her 'cause she's ugly?

No, man, she'll k*ll us

or put a freaky curse
on us or something.

Let me get rid of her with some

of my world-famous
"smoove" talking.

Hey, sorry about that, girl.

Ahh.

You don't mind if I
take a load off,

do you?

What were you guys
talking about?

How pretty you are.

Huh?

We were just saying

someone as pretty as you doesn't

even need a full head of hair.

Isn't that right, buddy?

Uh, yeah, totally.

Nuh-unh.

Girl, if I didn't

already have a G.F., I'd be on

you like butter on toast!

I don't mind if you have a

G.F.

Oh. Um...

Dude, I don't think
it's working.

Yeah, I think I'm

making things worse.

Ah-ha-ha-ha!

Hey.

What?

How would you... court me?

Um... Spaghetti dinner?

Hmm.

Look, Lady, we can't

help you get Princess hair.

Why not?

Because we only help

when someone's in danger.

Oh!

Well, why didn't you say so?

Hey, uh, what's...

Yaaah!

Hey!

There.

Now someone's in danger.

I told you she was evil!

Grrrrrr!

Yaah!

Unh! Oof!

What, you forget I'm a witch?

Maybe.

Well, maybe you should get me

some Princess hair so maybe your

friend doesn't get sucked into

my bottomless bottom!

Nyuh!

Get some Princess hair!

All right, fine!

Wait!

Uh, you... you can't tell anyone

why you need it.

What? Why?

I don't want anyone to know I

have a balding problem.

O... kay.

It's Princess Muscles' Castle!

Hi, Finn.

Uh, hey,

Princess Muscles.

What brings you by?

Um, you were the

nearest Princess, and I need a

lock of your hair.

I understand.

You do?

Mm-hmm.

Aah!

What are you doing?

Trying to give you a hug.

Why?

I want hair, not hug!

Oh. I see.

You want to take
things slo-o-o-w.

No!

I... I'm here to save you!

From your hair!

It looks really bad!

Cut it off, quick!

Of course it looks bad.

If I had beautiful, shiny hair,

no one would look at my muscles.

Unh! Hwuh!

Come back when you want to

get serious about loving me!

I am terrible at
talking to ladies.

Hmm.

Where's a Princess?

Princess?

Princess...

Princess...

Who's that?

It's Lumpy Space Princess.

Does she live in the woods now?

G-g-get away from my camp.

I'll cut you!

Hrm.

I'm never gonna go back home.

Huh.

Wait. Does she even have hair?

She does!

Well... hair is hair.

Oh, my glob.

What the stuff are you doing?

Why are you cutting my lumps?!

Because they're, uh...

So...

I knew you liked me.

No! I don't!

I-I'm just stopping
by because...

Just admit it, Lover Boy!

You can't resist me.

Well, if you want these lumps,

you got to put a ring on it!

Where's my ring?!

Aah!

I knew you liked me, Finn.

That's why you're running!

Get in touch with
your feelings, babe!

What am I gonna do?

Huh?

A graveyard?

Yes!

There's got to be a hairy

Princess in there that won't

think I'm hitting on her!

Princess.

Princess.

Princess?

Ugh! Come on!

Bingo!

"Here lies Princess Beautiful.

She was so beautiful."

Hey, that's perfect!

And sort of macabre.

Oh, well.

Aha!

Hi, Finn.

Ohh!

What?

What are you...

Please stop.

Where's her hair?!

Thanks, Finn.

"Here lies Princess beautiful.

She was so beautiful...

But d*ed of baldness"?!

Dang it!

I'm gonna look so beautiful.

Invited to all the parties...

Jake! Jake!

I'm sorry, man.

Getting Princess hair is...

Is impossible!

They all just think I'm
in love with them!

Ugh! I can't do it.

You're gonna have to spend the

rest of your life in
this witch's butt.

Noooo!

Eh! Quiet down!

I'm daydreaming!

Dude, if they think you

like them, then use that.

Embrace it!

Find the least terrible
Princess you can,

play her some music,

cook her a meal, "Smoove" talk

her until she likes you.

And then get the hair!

Wait. You mean
like go on a date?

Marry a Princess if you need to!

Just get her hair!

Aaaah!

Jake!

Go get the hair!

Okay! Hold on!

Princess Bubblegum!

Hi, Finn!

Uh...

I need you to come with me!

Why?

I'm watering right now.

Just come on.

We don't have much time!

What is this, Finn?

We're gonna have a
spaghetti dinner.

Whoa! Really?

Where do we sit?

Dyaaaaaaah!

Um, Finn?

Put your butt here! Hurry!

Oh.

Hey, Simon, make it romantic.

Ow!

Here, shove this in your mouth!

It's hot!

Finn, I don't understa...

Please, Princess!

Just stick it in your mouth!

Well, okay.

You're lucky I love spaghetti!

Um, Princess...

Do you like me?

Finn, of course I like you.

Really?

Yeah!

Yes! Now give me
some of your hair!

Oh, Finn, that's sweet.

Sure, I'll give you
some of my hair.

Here. Take it, you cutie.

Thank you, Princess Bubblegum!

My spaghetti!

My cat had kittens, and I'm

thinking of naming
one "Little Whiner."

What do you think?

Is that a good name?

Totally did it!

Genuine Princess hair.

You hear that, Jake?

Just give it to her already!

All right, Lady, a
deal is a deal.

Ahh!

This isn't hair!

It's Bubblegum!

What?!

It is Bubblegum!

Well, I guess you failed.

Say goodbye to your dog.

Aaaah!

Wait!

What?

If I learned anything today,

it's that I'm awesome at

talking to ladies!

And, Lady, you are crazy ugly!

Wha-a-a-t?

Dude!

Having beautiful hair

isn't gonna get you anywhere,

because you're ugly,
inside and out...

So ugly I want to throw up.

Dude!

No one will ever find

you beautiful, ever!

And it's got nothing to do with

the ol' chrome dome.

It has to do with
what's in here.

Can you get off my friend now?

D-u-u-ude.

- He's right.
- Huh?

Well, don't get me wrong.

I know I'm ugly.

And evil.

But I thought if I had
some beautiful hair,

I could learn

how to love myself.

Gee.

I feel kind of bad.

I don't.

Hey, witch!

Does it have to
be Princess hair?

No. Just beautiful hair.

Well, then, check this out!

Ha ha-a-a-a-a-a!

You'd really give me your hair?

Sure!

So... how do I look?

Totally beautiful,

inside and out!

Thank you, Finn.

And now to use my hair for evil.

What?!

'Cause I'm evil!

What did you want from me?

Ohh...

Oh, no.

I think I fractured a branch.

♪ Come along with me ♪

♪ And the butterflies and bees ♪

♪ We can wander
through the forest ♪

♪ And do so as we please ♪

♪ Come along with me ♪

♪ To a cliff under a tree ♪
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