03x18 - The First Picture Show/Gus' Fortune

[bunniefuu]

[bell rings]

[children cheer]

Waah!

Ah!

[burp]

[panting]

Whoa.

"Señor Fusion...

...motion picture."

[panting]
Must tell others.

Sheesh. Wonder where Teej is.

-[rings bell]
-Look, here he comes now.

[rings bell]

[grunts]
Guys.

T.J., what seems to be the trouble?

Fu--Fusion's coming.

Señor Fusion?

The comic book hero?

Is this some kind of joke?

No joke. Motion picture.

-[all gasp]
-Oh, right, a Señor Fusion movie.

This is awesome.

At last, my childhood dream has come true.

I can't wait to see it again.

You know, after the first time I see it.

I know what you meant, Spinelli.
I figure I'll see it , maybe times,

before the month's over.
But the most important time is number one.

That's why I'm gonna be first in line

at the very first showing

of the first ever Señor Fusion movie.

[Lawson]
Wrong, Detweiler, I'll be first in line.

Keep dreaming, Lawson. I'll be first

'cause I'm Señor Fusion's número uno fan.

Dream on, Dirtweiler. I'm number one.

[Gretchen]
I hate to break it to you gentlemen,

but neither of you can be first.

The premiere's at : a.m. Friday.

And unless I'm mistaken,
you'll both be in school.

Yeah! And miss Grotke scheduled
a spelling test that morning.

Well, you dopes might have
a spelling test, but I have this!

A permission slip to get me out of school,
signed and ready.

Enjoy your test, Dumbweiler.

In minutes, I'm off to Scam-Dinavia

for the rest of the week.
[laughs]

I hate that guy.

There's no way Lawson's gonna be first
to that movie,

even if I have to ditch school
to b*at him.

-[all gasping]
-Don't even think it, T.J.

Yes. Ditching fourth grade
is very serious.

It could lead to harder stuff like...
like ditching college.

Don't do something you'll regret, man.

Sure, you can make a later show.

Trust me, Teej, it's for your own good.

Is it, Vince?
Tell that to my achy-breaky heart.

[sad melody plays]

[sighs]

What the hang?

You, you're the cause of all this!

You and your lousy,
stinking, excellent movie!

How's a kid supposed to be
your number-one fan

when your dumb premiere's
during school, huh? Huh!

Answer me that,
Mr. Señor Fusion superhero guy.

Sorry, young citizen.
I certainly did not mean

to cause you or your planet any trouble.

[gasps]
Señor Fusion?

[chuckles]
Sorry, kid.

Couldn't resist messing with your head.

[chuckles]
Great gag, mister.

Should be good. Spent practically
my whole life in show biz.

[whistles]

[sighs]

What am I gonna to do?
What would you do, Señor?

[TJ reading]

Teach a lesson yeah, that's it.

Thanks, Señor Fusion, thanks a lot.

And then it hit me,

Fusion wouldn't cut school,
and neither will I.

So, you're not going
to the movie on Friday?

Sure I am. And you're all coming with me.

What? Your hat's on too tight.
How are we gonna do that?

Hush up a second. I'll tell you.

[whispering]

[action music playing]

[gulp]
Er, Miss Grotke, can we rap?

Of course, Gretchen. What is it?

Well, I'd like to propose
a field trip this Friday

to the first showing
of Señor Fusion, the motion picture.

Now, I know you're thinking
Hollywood Blockbuster,

where's the academic value in that?

But, did you know that the movie
strongly advocates nuclear disarmament?

-It does?
-Oh, yes.

Señor Fusion is rabidly anti-nuclear.

He got arrested
for demonstrating in issue .

Really? Well, perhaps
a trip to the Movie Dome

could be edifying after all.

Bueno.

I'm telling you, coach,

what's a better example
of peak physical condition

than Señor Fusion leaping
between skyscrapers

with a meddling lady bounty hunter

hanging onto his patented gadget belt?

I got to admit, LaSalle, it sounds good.

Excellent representation
of the Movie Dome, Gus.

Gee, thanks, Mr. Dunn.

You now, that building
is one of our town's

true architectural landmarks,

mixing elements of the neoclassical
with the moderne.

Gee, us kids could sure
learn a lot about architecture

at the old Movie Dome
with someone like you tagging along.

Hmm. Perhaps I could propose a proposal.

[All]
Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion!

What in the world is going on out here?

Oh, principal Prickly, uh... here.

What's this?

A petition signed by the faculty

of Third Street School,
demanding the right to take our students

to the opening
of the new Señor Fusion movie.

Oh, this is just like the 's.

Sending kids to a premiere
during school hours?

Are you people insane?

The board of education would have my head.

I told them it was a bad idea, sir.

-The answer is no.
-[exclamation of dissapointment]

Now all you kids get back to class.

As for you teachers,
I'll deal with you later.

Wait! Don't punish them, sir.
This is all my idea.

I just have to be
at that Señor Fusion premiere.

I see. Well, let my lord,
let me say this about that--

Tough noogies.

And I know you wanna be there, too.

What are you getting at, boy?

Ah! I happen to know

-you're a Señor Fusion fan just like me.
-[all gasp]

What? That's ridiculous.
What makes you think I'm a Fusion fan?

Well, first of all,
only his fans call him Fusion.

Second of all, I've seen
Señor Fusion comics

hidden under your stack
of Golfing for Teachers' magazines.

All confiscated from miscreants like you.

And third of all, what about this?

My fan-club card! Give that back.

Now, enough of this foolishness.
Get back to class.

Yeah, yeah, we're going.

But any real Fusion fanatic
would be at that first show on Friday.

That's something fair-weather fans
don't appreciate.

-What was that?
-You heard me.

You're nothing but a fair-weather fan.

Oh, I am, am I?
Well, let me tell you something, kid.

I've forgotten more about Fusion
than you'll ever know.

I happen to be king of the Fusion freaks.

-Is that so?
-Yes, it is.

And I'll prove it to you.
Ten Señor Fusion trivia questions,

ask me whatever you want.
I get them right,

-you let us go to the movie.
-[chatter]

But, if you miss one question,

just one, then you become
my new filing assistant,

helping Menlo for the rest of the year,

and you have to call me
Principal Fusion from now on.

[dramatic music playing]

-Deal.
-[all cheering]

[all]
T.J.!

Quick! To the windows!

So you think you know Fusion lore, eh?

[mystery music playing]

Ever seen one of these?

A Señor Electricity action figure.

Didn't know that was
his original name, did you?

I've heard things.

I wish I could hear
what they're saying in there.

[Prickly]
Let's start off with something easy.

Ah, perfect. Question one:

What object did Señor Fusion envy
in issue ?

[drum roll]

Trick question! Fusion would never have
the mortal emotion of envy.

His keen interest was mistaken for envy

by the evil yet unimaginative
Wizard of Ooze.

-They get harder.
-[cheering]

All bets have to be down
before the question.

Hard candy with a chewy center
is worth double.

Señor Fusion crossed over
into the Super Team

during its Millennium Predicament
story arc--

-True or false?
-False.

He was only a member
of the Super Team for two issues.

After the Millennium Predicament arc
was over.

True or false? The lightning
bolt-shaped scar on Fusion's shoulder

was caused by his costume melting
as he flew too near the sun.

False. His bolero jacket, a gift from
cannot melt.

True. He never leaves home
without a big magnet.

Twice! Once when he ran for president
and once when he moved to the suburbs.

Sammy Brown, Issue , "Señor Fusion,
we hardly knew ye."

My, my, aren't we clever?

[cheering]

Okay, Mr. Big hotshot junior,

one last question for all the marbles.

Bring it on, sir.

What was the name
of Señor Fusion's one and only sidekick?

Sidekick? I didn't even know
he had a sidekick.

[T.J.] That, uh...
That's from the golden age, isn't it?

Oh, man! Teej doesn't have any comics
from the golden age.

That's right, and a golden age it was.
[sniffs]

This beauty's older
than your parents, Detweiler.

Is he sunk? Are we all?

[grim music playing]

I'm afraid a perfect score
is your only ticket to the movie,

and, unfortunately, time is running out.

Five, four, three, two--

Wait!
You want the married name or maiden name?

Because her maiden name
was Vivian Waxwelter

until she was tricked into marrying
the diabolical Dr. Despicable.

She was Vivian Despicable
until she banished him

to Ice Prison on Kron
shortly after their wedding

and went back to using Waxwelter.

But Fusion called her Femme Fatale

because although she was feminine,
oh, was that dame deadly.

That is absolutely wrong.

-[exclamations]
-What? It can't be wrong.

Well, it is, Mr. Know-it-all.

So there, her nickname was Femme Fatale,

not Femme Fatale as you so wrongly stated.

The e's are silent. So, I look forward
to you helping me out with my filing

Starting Friday.

[mumbling]

-He lost.
-I-I need to lie down.

You mean you're claiming victory

'cause I mispronounced some words?

Rules are rules, kid. Then you lose.

Okay, I get it. I've been tricked.

Beaten on a technicality. That's so adult.

Yeah, yeah. Just don't let
the door hit you on the way out.

You know, Principal Prickly,

This is about the most
un-Fusion-like thing

I ever saw a Fusion fan do.

The great Señor doesn't stand
for tricking guys

and being sneaky
and winning on technicalities.

That's what the bad guys do.

Fusion stands for honesty,
and truth, and fair play.

Stuff that's important to kids like me.

And used to be important to you, too.

[door closes]

[sad music playing]

[sighs]

[Prickly]
Oh, all right, Detweiler. you win.

[cheering]

[whistling]

Here you go, ma'am.
One ticket, please, at the student rate.

[chuckles]

[gasps]

Hey, what's going on here?

[Finster] So, thought
you'd ditch school, eh, Lawson?

-Oh!
-I was led to understand you were excused

to attend a family reunion.

[stammering]
I was, but my family got sick

and they needed popcorn.

March, mister! You're pulling detention
for the remainder of the year.

But-- but--

I got to hand it to you, Teej,

this is one for the history books.

Shh! It started!

Please, Miss Finster,
I can hear the music!

I can hear it!

Yeah, yeah, cry me a river, buster.

[buzzing]

He's caught in a force field!

Only one thing to do now, right, buddy?

You know it, pal.
Use the converter gloves, Fusion!

I know. I'll use my converter gloves.

Tender.

[seagulls chirping]

[mystery music playing]

Fork over the lunch money,
you little worm!

[whimpering]

Drop that kid, Gelman!

I dropped him, Shrimpnelli.

I picked up a little spending money,
but I dropped him!

[laughing]

Gelman is such a jerk.

Always picking on littler kids.

He makes me so mad,
I could just-- just--

Build and deploy this!

[All]
Whoa.

What is it, Gus?

It's a caging device.

I've been working on it
for quite some time,

ever since I met Gelman.

I call it the Gliminator .

Although crude, the device appears to be
technically sound.

It may be capable
of actually caging someone.

Yeah, but who cares?

I'll never have the guts to use it.

Hello. What's this?

It's one of those paper fortune tellers.

Tender.
Someone pick a number from one to eight

let's give it a whirl.

Hey! I wouldn't do that if I was you.

Why not, Butch? These things are a blast.

A blast? Sure, they can be,
if you make them yourself.

But you kids picked that one
up off the ground,

you don't know where it's been.

Oh, come on, Butch!

These things aren't real.
They're just for grins.

Grins? That's what
Stinky Peterson thought, too.

S-Stinky Peterson?

It was a day like any other day.

[harp arpeggio]

[Butch] Stinky's mom had dragged him
to the mall to go shopping.

He was waiting for her
outside the Big-and-Tall Gal's Shop

when he saw it floating down
from the food court.

Curious like any kid,
Stinky tried the thing out.

What could it hurt, right?

No!

And they never saw Stinky Peterson again.

Aw, come on.

They teach kids how to make
these dopey fortune things

at Happy Camp.

I saw we play it.

I tried to warn them, Stinky.
Good, sweet Mike, I tried.

Here we go. Hmm, let's see. Seven!

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven!

"Great riches will soon be yours."

Oh, scary.
Someone else give it a sh*t.

Come on! You guys don't buy
that Stinky Peterson junk, do you?

Of course not.

I pick four. One, two, three, four.

"You will pass your greatest test
with flying colors."

Hey, that's not so bad.

I think this thing's
a friendly fortune teller.

-Me next.
-No, me next.

I'm next. Logic dictates we go girl, boy,
girl, boy until we run out of girls.

[Gretchen]
I pick one.

"You will take a trip to an exotic land."

My word, that is exciting!

My turn. Oh, great fortune teller,

what wonders await me?
Great riches? Fame?

Adventure, perhaps?

I pick five. One, two, three, four, five.

"Eat, drink, and be merry,
for tomorrow is your final day"?

Hey! What kind of fortune is that?

Sounds like the Stinky Peterson kind.

-[all gasp]
-But...

...this isn't fair!
You guys got good stuff,

And I got Stinky Peterson-ized.

Come on, Gus. None of that stuff's
gonna come true.

I mean, it's hard enough to imagine
Spinelli getting rich

and Gretchen taking a trip,

But T.J. passing a test
with flying colors? Get real.

Congratulations
and karma kudos, T.J. Detweiler.

I know one smart boy whose aura
is going to glow all day.

One hundred and one percent?

But that can't be right! I only got %.

Wow! T.J. Passed his test
with flying colors!

It's just as the fortune teller foretold.

[gloomy music playing]

You guys gotta admit this is ultra-weird.

Oh, yeah, it's so amazing.

The paper fortune tellers
are batting one for six million.

I mean, come on T.--
Oh, my gosh!

Look what's stuck to my boots!

Fifty smackers American!
I'm rich! I'm rich! I'm rich!

Whoa! Spinelli found great riches!

Just like the fortune teller predicted...
again!

Oh, come on, these events
are merely coincidences.

In case you haven't noticed,
I have no plans for a trip to an exotic --

Gretchen Grundler!

Yes, sir, Principal Prickly.

This telegram just arrived
for you in my office.

I don't mind telling you I have
more than enough paperwork to attend to

without playing messenger boy
for you kids.

See that it doesn't happen again!

-What did you get, Gretch?
-[gasps] It's from magazine.

I won their annual
"Name that quark" contest.

I'm going to the Galapagos islands

for six exciting months of study
and comparative thought.

Whoo-hoo! Galapagos! Galapagos!

A trip to an exotic land.

The third prediction!
But that means I'm gonna--

[gulps]
Help.

Hey, where's Gus?

I thought he wanted to play
paratroop patrol on the swings.

He'll be here. It's one of his favorites.

[Gus]
Okay, paratroop patrol. I'm ready.

Huh?

-Gus, what are you doing?
-Yeah. What's with the get-up?

Can't be too careful.

Swings are the number-three cause
of kid injuries.

[sighing]
Oh, boy.

[slurping]

Come on, Gus. Fish medley's your favorite.
Dig in, already.

And risk everything?

For all I know, it could have poison
or bones or be undercooked!

What I need is a food-taster.

I can do that!

Tastes fine to me, Gus.
Nothing to worry about.

Hey, it could have been dangerous.

And that's how the tiny mosquito
carries little strains of malaria

from victim to victim.
Any questions?

[screaming]
I'm wounded! Call ! Call !

I'm bleeding to death! Look!

It's just a paper cut, Gus.

They don't even make band-aids that small.

Gloves! I knew I should have worn gloves!

Relax, Griswold.
That fortune's making you nuts.

Heck! Your ticket isn't even supposed
to get punched until tomorrow.

Yeah, you're right. Not until tomorrow.

[sighs]
I should calm down.

I've got some stuff to take care of.

I tried to divide my things equally.

Here's a list for each of you.

Wow! I get your pet snake. All right!

Keep your stuff, Gus.
You're not going anywhere.

T.J.'s right. Now come on,
let's play kickball.

[sighs] kickball?
It's just a dumb game like life.

You kick the ball then you run around
the same four bases

over and over again until one day, bam!

You're Stinky Peterson.

So... anyone for dodge ball?

[exclamations]

[sighs]
Look at them,

running and playing so carefree,

and me, staring into the abyss.

If only I could get past it. But how?

Didn't make the fortune teller yourself,
eh? That is bad.

I know, Guru Kid,

but how do I fill my remaining time?

How do I cope with facing the dark abyss?

A kid like you? Hard to say.

The cream of society
create great public works,

parks, libraries, petting zoos.

Works that keep their minds off
the dark beyond.

But, alas, you lack the time,

not to mention the greatness
for such achievements.

Oh, yeah.

Those are the breaks. Got any gum?

[orientall music playing]

If there was only some great
thing I could achieve!

[boy]
Hey, cut it out!

You got a lot of nerve making me sweat
for your money, shrimp toast!

That's it! That's how I'll make my mark!

Poor Gus. I tossed and turned all night
worrying about the little guy.

Yeah, I've never seen a kid so--
what in the hang?

[triumphal music playing]

Hey, Gus.

Good morning, schoolmates!

Um, is this what I think it is?

That's right.
I've decided to fill my final hours

building and deploying
the Gliminator .

All I have to do Is get Gelman
to step on that hot-water bottle,

The cage comes down, and bam!

Please don't feed the Gelman.

Wow, Gus, every kid talks about
building their dream trap,

But you're the only one I know
who's actually gone and done it!

[bell rings]

-Gus, aren't you coming?
-No time for class.

I'm playing for history here.
I have a purpose!

Class, none of us is perfect.
We all make little mistakes.

What's important is that we correct
our mistakes Before they snowball.

Uh, Miss Grotke,
what are you talking about?

Oh, well. It seems the testing people
made an eensy little mistake.

See, your score wasn't a %.
It was . %.

Still, that's better than usual.

Wait, if Teej messed up on the test,
then what about his fortune?

It didn't come true!

OK, so the fortune teller
was wrong about Teej.

It was right about everything else,

like my bucks.
This baby ain't going nowhere.

Hey, that's like one
of the s daddy gave me!

I lost it the other day!

Spare me, there must be hundreds
of these things

floating around out there!

With the serial number A ?

So long, Ulysses.

I guess it wasn't meant to be.

That's another fortune down the drain.

I'm certainly glad I won my trip
to the Galapagos fair and square

or I'd be sweating b*ll*ts
right about now.

-[door opens]
-Miss Grundler, once again

I'm playing errand boy for you.

Need I remind you, I don't like it!

Another telegram!

I wonder what it says!

It says she can't join
the Galápagos expedition

because she's nine!

-My trip!
-Hey! That means

none of the fortune-teller's
predictions came true.

And that means Gus really isn't
gonna get Stinky-ized!

But if the poor sucker
deploys his Gliminator...

He's gonna get Gelman-ized!

[bell rings]

B-b-but I brought my lunch!
I don't have any money!

-Borrow some!
-Hey, Gelman!

-Huh?
-I, Gus Griswold,

see you're a big, fat,
nose-picking coward!

Come and get me, you big, fat, fraidy-cat!

Gelman is a chicken! Gelman is a chicken!

Gelman is a chicken!

[T.J.]
Gus, don't do it!

[Spinelli]
The fortune teller lied!

Gelman is a chicken! Gelman is a chicken!

Gelman is a chicken!

-What's going on here?
-Miss Finster! No!

[all gasp]

Griswold!!

Y-you was gonna trap me in that thing?

That's right, Gelman.
You step out of line once more and bam!

-You're Finster-ized.
-Ah!

Uh... children.

Get me out of here!

I really miss that $ ,

but I guess it wasn't worth
Gus getting Stinky-ized.

Neither was a better-than-perfect score
on the math test.

Or even a once-in-a-lifetime
trip to the Galápagos.

Yeah, Gus, we're all glad
it wasn't your final day.

But it was my final day.

My final day of going home on time.

Finster gave me detention
every day until sixth grade!

But hey, you're still alive,

and you gave Gelman
a world-class case of the yips.

Yeah, after his near-trap experience,

he may never be the same bully again.

-Boo.
-Ah!

[laughter]

[musical theme playing]

[bell ringing]