03x11 - Home Movies/The Mysterious Mr. Friend

[bunniefuu]

[ Gasps]

[ Screaming]

[ Gasping]

My heart!
My heart!

[ Groaning]

Are you all right?

He's playing games.

He does it all the time.

Minka, please!

Let me go home.

I'm old.
I only got so much time left.

This is
your son-in-law's home movies.

Be a mensch
and suffer through it.

Eh!

There is something worse

Than a hostile buyout,
jonathan.

I'm about to watch my
brother-in-law's home movies.

Folks, in just a moment

The home movies
will be ready to roll.

Tommy,
what's home movies?

My dad
sure is happy about it.

It must be something
really, really fun.

Maybe home movies

Is when you move
to a new home.

Nah,
that doesn't sound like fun.

Maybe it's when you move
around all the furniture.

That's supposed to be fun?

I'd rather get diaper rash.

Maybe home movies
is when your house gets up

And starts moving
like it's alive!

You babies get dumber every day.

Well, okay, angelica.

You're bigger than us.

What's home movies?

Home movies is like television

Except nobody wants
to watch 'em.

Then why do they?

It's the law.

Stu:
may I have
your attention.

May I have
your attention please.

Welcome to stu pickles
cinema domestique.

[ Family groaning]

Drew, if you please.

[ Mellow country ballad
playing]

There's didi,
packing for our vacation

To the grand canyon.

Oh, it's gonna be
a long night.

Come on

Cottonheads.

Where?

Don't ask questions.

Just come on.

That's just me, goofing around

Before our trip
to the grand canyon.

Help me. Help me.

There we are,
in front of our car

Getting ready to go
to the grand canyon.

I want to go home.

Stu:
that's us pulling out
of the driveway.

Here I am, uh,
coming back for the camera.

Hello? Dr. Kevorkian?

Angelica, you
still haven't

Told us what we're doing.

We're making home movies.

How? We don't even have one
of those projestor machines.

Just let me handle this, okay?

Angelica, are you sure
we can play

With that paper?

Sure. It's just
my dad's work papers.

May I have
your attention please?

May I have your attention
please?

It's time for angelica pickle's
famous home movies!

[ Off key:]
♪ ta

♪ Da

♪ Da
♪ ta da!

Close your eyes.

But why, angelica?

I saidclose your eyes!

♪ Bum-ba, bum-ba, bum-ba...

I don't like this. It's dark.

Quiet!

Don't open those eyes
until I say so.

♪ Ta...

Which is...

♪ Da...

Now!

Ta-da!

Okay.

This is my house.

You're supposed to say, "ah!"

Ah!ah!

This is my cat, fluffy.

This is my dog, cynthia

And this is me,
angelica pickles

The prettiest,
most beautifulest kid

In the whole
universe.

This is
my pretty dress

And my shoes,
and my crown...

But you don't have
a crown.

This is myhome movies

And if I say I have a crown,
then I have a crown, okay?!

Now, where was i?

Oh, yeah.

And this is me
in my beautiful room.

[ Yawns]

When I get up, I get out
of my covers and stand on my bed

And greet the day.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy!"

"Yes, my darling,
my dumpling, my pumpkin pie?"

"Get me my breakfast,
right now!"

And then my daddy brings me
breakfast in bed

And I get to eat
anything I want.

I eat ice cream, cake

And lots of syrup
over everything.

"Mmm."

[ Slurping]

I've been
to your house for breakfast.

You don't eat stuff like that.

Quiet, mortal!

Then, my mommy comes in.

"Hello, jonathan.

"Get me lots of money

"So I can buy lots of toys
for my beautiful daughter.

"Hurry, hurry.

My daughter gets
only the best."

[ Kisses]

"Lots of toys for angelica."

Angelica:
then my mommy
gives me everything I want

And my dad
keeps giving me food.

"More cupcakes, cupcake?"

"Keep 'em coming."

And I eat, and eat and I keep
eating, and keep eating

And soon...

[ Laughs]

"Hiya, babies!

Ready for me to stomp on ya?"

[ Laughing wickedly]

Don't do it!

This is myhome movies

And if I want to stomp you,
I can.

That's not how things are.

You're not
that big.

So?

Your dad's
not that small.

The sky's not orange.

Okay. If you're so smart-- here!

Let's see yourhome movies.
But... I can't.

Go ahead, chuckie.

Yeah. Yours can't be

Any worse than angelica's.

Well... Okay.

I'll try.

Close your eyes.

Oh, boy.

This is a laugh.

Chuckie can't draw his way
out of a paper bag.

Why would he want to?

Okay, I'm ready.

This is my world,
and welcome to it.

Did somebody
turn out the lights?

That's the sky
and that's the ground.

You call that a sky?

Of course not.

You're holding it
upside down.

Well, anyway.

Like I said

This is the sky,
and this is the ground

And this is me!

And this is my dad.

Every day, me and my dad

Walk down the street
to tommy's house.

And on the way, we pass a lot
of really scary stuff.

There's mrs. Kraptchik's poodle,
muffin

And some giant bluebirds

That live in the tree
on the corner...

[ Cawing]

And sometimes, we even see
this really mean, terrible frog!

[ Croaking]

But somehow,
we get past them all

And finally make it
to tommy's house!

Him?!

If that's tommy

Then I'm the queen of english!

I don't know, angelica.

It does look a little like me.

Angelica.
Yeah, the part with no hair.

Chuckie:
so anyway, like I was saying,
me and tommy play all day.

Sometimes we go
into the sandbox

And tommy fights the monsters

And sometimes we go
into his closet

And tommy fights the ghosts.

[ Grunts]

[ Roaring]

And sometimes we go
into the kitchen

And tommy doesn't fight anybody.

He just gets me some snacks,
'cause he's my friend.

Tommy, 'fender of truth, humus

And the american cheese.

Oh, brother, chuckie.

That was the dumbest
home movie.

No, it wasn't.

It was the best home movies

I ever seen.

Okay, happy boy.

If you're so right

Let's see
yourhome movies.

Well, i...

Come on, tommy.

Do it! Do it!

Put your monkey

Where your mouth is, pipsqueak!

Okay, I'll do it.

I warn you,
it's not going to be pretty.

I don't have
all my motor skills yet.

Ready? Close your eyes.

Okay, open your eyes.

That's it?

This is me

And this is my mom

And this is my dad

And this is our house
where we live.

Keep going, tommy!

Keep going!

Yeah, this is the best!

Every day when I wake up

My dog spike
gets me out of my crib.

I jump on spike's back
and we ride downstairs.

When we get to the bottom

Spike lets me off

And I crawl around the house

Until it's time for breakfast

When my mom gives me
a bowl of mush.

Angelica:
that's mush?

Tommy:
no, that's my mom.

That's the mush.

After breakfast,
phil and lil come over...

Phil:
hey! That's me!

Angelica:
how can you tell?

Lil:
'cause I'm the one
with the bow!

Tommy:
and then we play together

And nothing could be more fun
until chuckie comes over!

Chuckie:
I look like that?

Tommy:
sure. You're bigger than me.

Chuckie:
wow!

Tommy:
and we all play together

And have lots of fun.

Phil:
this is what I call
home movies.

Lil:
I told you he had talent.

Tommy:
and then sometimes

We got to do stuff
that's important

Like we got to get
the cookies off the counter

Or sometimes we got to pull
the wagon up the stairs.

[ Banging and squeaking]

Or sometimes...

Angelica,
what are you doing here?

Leave me out
of your home movies, huh?

I'm going to do

What I should have done
a long time ago.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

[ Crying]

Help, tommy, help!

[ Children struggling]

What's going on in here?

Nothing.
It's just that the babies...

Hey, look at this!

I didn't do 'em!

Wow! These are really good.

Well, I did do those.

Oh, angelica, honey,
it's a masterpiece.

What a great tree!

That's not a tree, daddy,
that's fluffy.

[ Gasps]

The baxter account!

Oh, this is wonderful.

And now we don't have
to watch

Any more home movies.

Hey, look how chuckie
rendered the sky.

Okay, everybody,
intermission's over.

I said, we can go back
to the show.

I said...

Hey, this is pretty good.

Wow, I love this.

Look at the way
he's got this.

It's like

A steamroller
coming out of a kitty's face.

Yes.

Yes!

It's alive, it's alive!

[ Maniacal laughter]

What's alive, stu?

The invention that...

...puts pickles toys on the map?

Okay, he's not alive,
but almost--

Fully articulated limbs...

Heat and motion sensor for
tracking potential playmates

And a voice chip containing
randomly accessed phrases.

Didi, meet mr. Friend.

Oh, boy, a brand-new friend.

Let's wash our hands
before we eat.

Great, isn't he?

He's so...

Educational?

That wasn't the word
I had in mind.

Hey, little pal,
it's time to play.

We're going to have
a happy day.

Great.

I can't wait to show tommy.

[ "Pop goes the weasel"
playing]

No!

What did you do that for?

You 'member what happened
the last time

With the jerk-in-the-box--

A scary clown popped out.

I know.

Why do you want to do it again?

Maybe something different
will happen.

Tommy, chuckie,
guess what?

I have a surprise--

A new toy all for you.

Isn't he great?

Play with him all you want.

Well, play, play.

[ Phone rings]

Aw, the phone.

Don't play
till I get back.

Tommy?

Do you know this guy?

Uh-uh, but my daddy says
his name was mr. Fiend.

Hi, mr. Fiend.

I'm tommy, and this

Is my pal chuckie.

Want to play?

You can call me mr. Friend.

You'll never, ever
be bored again.

[ Both screaming]

[ Electronic voice slows down
and goes dead]

Is he...

Is he broken?

Yeah. I think so.

Hello, kiddies.

Rise and shine.

I'm your friend...

Is it over?

Uh... Uh-huh.

What do we do now?

Do you have to ask?

[ Crying]

What's the matter?
They think
something's wrong

With their little friend.

The batteries came loose.

See kids? He's okay.

A word of caution,
if you please.

Don't kiss the cat
when it has fleas.

I'll hire a writer
to write new lines.

I'll fix the latch
on this battery compartment.

There might be some
other bugs inside too.

Don't worry, chap.

Mr. Friend
will be just fine.

Ooh... I'm sure glad we've
seen the last of that guy.

I don't know about that,
chuckie, I just don't know.

Isn't he sweet?

Oops. Almost forgot
his new friend.

[ Gurgling]

Rise and shine, you sleepyhead.

It's no fun
to stay in bed...

In bed... In bed...

[ Voice echoing]

[ Crying]

What's the matter, tommy?

Come on.

We'll get you a bottle.

He doesn't look

So scary to me.

Yeah. He looks funny.

That guy is nuts.
He talks all night

And smells
like burning rubber bands

And worst of all,
my dad says he's full of bugs.

Bugs?bugs?

I saw it first, lillian.

No. I did, phillip!

Mr. Friend says
please be fair.

No one gets hurt
when you share...

Share... Share... Share...
Share... Share... Share...

You were right, tommy.

I never sawed
such a scary toy.

What are we
going to do?

We got to get rid of him.

We'll put him someplace

Where he'll never
come back.

We'll put mr. Fiend
in here.

That's the dirty
clothes place.

You put things in there when
you want them to go away.

I'm telling you, deed--

I can produce the first line
of mr. Friend dolls

In my workshop.

Stu pickles
isn't selling out

To any huge, greedy
toy manufacturing monolith...

Not yet, anyway.

That's nice, dear.

Here I am, don't be blue

And I will sing a song for you.

How did you get here?

♪ La la la la...

Please,
I'm begging you, stu--

Hire a writer!

[ Door slams]

[ Snoring]

Know what, tommy?

I don't think

Mr. Fiend was really so scary.

I mean

He was just
a dumb old doll--

Right?--
It's not like...

[ Mr. Friend humming
"london bridges"]

[ All:]
mr. Fiend!

♪ La la la la

♪ La la la la, la, la, la

We're trapped!

What will we do?

No!

Not rhonda rags!

Sorry, lil.

[ Voice dies]

Phil! How could you?

[ Sobbing]

Don't cry, lil.

He stopped moving again.

I think rhonda's safe.

See? He wouldn't hurt
another doll.

Aah!

Hey! I got a idea!

I saw this movie-- king krong--
where they got rid of a monster

By pushing him off
the entire state building.

So?

We just got to push mr. Fiend
off the entire state building!

Never mind.

I don't know why I even try.

That's a great idea!

It is?

It's going to work
perfectly

Only let's do
one thing different.

Instead of pushing
mr. Fiend off a building

We'll bury him underground!

Good thinking, chuckie.

Yeah. Way to go.

There. He's buried.

Shouldn't somebody
say a few words?

Like what?

How about...

"Hinkle-finkle-dinkle-doo?"

Ahem.ahem.

Yeah.

You guys look terrific.

Mr. Friend's whole friendly
family ready and rarin' to go.

I can't just wait

To see you all
in action.

Hey, little pal,
it's time to play...

Rise and shine,
I'm your friend...

And you are mine.

[ All talking]

Uh-oh.

Mmm... Still a few kinks
to work out.

Maybe I should take
a little break.

Here's advice
that can't be b*at--

Look both ways before
crossing the street.

Hey, little pal,
it's time to play.

Stay away from squiggly worms.

They're full of dirt
and yucky ger...

[ Echoing]

... Germs.

[ Babbling]

Now, now, it's okay, rhonda.

That mr. Fiend's all gone now.

[ Screaming]

[ Yells]

Obey your parents,
stay out of danger.

Take daily naps,
don't talk to strangers...

Tommy?

Yeah, chuckie?

I think mr. Fiend
is going to be with us

For very, very long time.

[ Everyone screaming]

Wait.

We can't spend
our lives

Running away
from a dumb doll.

Why not?

'Cause then we'll

Never have time
to do anything

Like play, take naps,
or grow up and get jobs.

That's okay, as long
as mr. Fiend doesn't catch us.

No. We got to make him go away.

Remember where

That loose board
in the fence is?

[ Both:]
yeah.

Then follow me.

Okay, mr. Fiend.

Come and get me.

Happy, happy,
hap-happy...

Know what to do?

Sure, tommy.

We're right
behind you.

My turn to hide,
but don't you peek.

Do your homework, study hard.

Don't eat food
that's cooked in lard.

Contrary to what you see...

Whew.
Whew.
Whew.

You know...

It's funny.

I almost felt sorry
for him.

Yeah, but I'm glad
he's gone.

Me too.

I hope I never see another toy
like that again.

Now that he's gone

What do you want to do?

[ All talking]

This is really
"one of those days," huh?

What are we
going to do, tommy?

What we should have done
a long time ago.

I'm done being a-scared.

It's them or us.

Come on!

[ Bowling sounds]

Yeah!

Ha!

Happy... Hap...
Friend... Friend... Friend...

Hurt... Hurt... Hurt...
Friend... Friend... Friend.

Stu:
once I get
all the dolls running

I'll try them out
on the kids...

What happened?!

My creations,
my beautiful creations.

Now, stu, maybe the world
wasn't ready for mr. Friend yet.

Let's go inside, and you
can figure out a new toy.

Well, guys,
we did it!

We proved
we're tougher

Than any toy.

I'm just glad it's over.

Hey, babies,
guess what?

While my daddy and me
were coming over

I found the neatest, greatest,
best-est toy in the whole world!

[ All scream]

Let's all think of happy things

And laugh and skip
and dance and sing.

Well, I thought it was neat.