03x22 - New Kid in Town/Pickles vs. Pickles

[bunniefuu]

[ Gasps]

I'm queen of the castle,
I'm queen of the castle.

I'm queen of the cas... Oops.

Sorry, cynthia.

I'm tired of digging.

Yeah, me, too.

Let's play
on the jumbo gym.

[ Kids grunting]

Hey, get off my castle.

Can't we just play
on the bottom?

No, I'm queen.

I'm not letting
slobbery babies

Climb all over it.

But...

Now get back to work

And finish digging my moat.

There could be an invasion
any minute.

In fact, I'm going to
get my catapult now

Just in case.

You guys
better have the moat done

By the time I come back.

What's a caterpult?

Beats me.

Pass the shovel, chuckie.

You know, sometimes I think
playing with angelica

Might not be as much fun
as she says it is.

[ Grunting]

Hey, babies.

Hi, I'm josh.

Hi, josh, I'm tommy.

This is phil,
and lil, and chuckie.

Nice to meet you--
want to come play?

Well, we'd like to,
but we can't.

Why not?

Angelica said

We got to finish her moat

And then fill it with water
and then find a crocodile.

How come you do what she says?

She's bigger...

And stronger.

If we don't

She'll pour sand
in our hair.

Listen, what would you
say if I told you

There's a jungle gym someplace

Where any baby could say
whatever they want to

Without getting sand poured
on their heads.

I'd say you is crazy.

Well, I'm not crazy,
that place is real.

It's my jungle gym,
and it's over there.

Really?

Yep-- you're welcome
to play on it.

Wow!

That's neat.

Let's go.

But what about angelica's moat

You guys?

Angelica can build
her own moat, right?

Wrong!

What's going on--
who are you?

I'm josh,
you must be angelica.

You've heard of me.

I heard you boss these babies

And dump buckets
of sand on 'em.

So what's
your point?

You don't play fair

So your friends decided
to play with me instead.

Is this true?

Get back to work

Before I dump a truckful on you!

Not this time, angelica.

We got a new friend now

And we're going to go play
on hisjumbo gym.

All right, tell you what.

I'll close my eyes
and count five.

If you're back to digging,
I'll forget this happened.

One, two...

Four, seven, five!

Hey, get back here.

Who'll dig my moat
and catch my crocodile?

Maybe we should go back.

Don't worry, she can't do
anything if I'm here.

Come back here,
you dumb babies!

We did it, we're free!

No more angelica
telling us what to do.

Or taking away our toys.

Or making us drink
from the potty.

Philip, that
was your idea.

Oh, yeah.

What you want to do?

We get to decide?

Sure, fair is fair.

Whee!

Hey, you guys

Please give me a push?

My swing stopped.

Sure.

You're doing a great job.

Playing with josh sure is fun.

Lots more fun than playing
with angelica.

Don't stop pushing now--
I'm just getting going.

Hey, josh, can I have a turn
on the swing?

Youwant a turn?

Uh-huh.

But tommy,
swinging was my idea.

It wouldn't be very fair
if you took it.

I just meant...

Come on, tommy,
fair is fair.

Now push!

Can you believe that, cynthia?

They're pushing him
on that swing.

They never did that for me.

I'm sure glad your mom
made chocolate-chip, tommy.

Yeah, it's my favorite.

Pass your cookies
here, babies.

I got a better snack.

Here's a lollipop.

You guys
can share it.

But josh,
I don't want a lollipop.

You want a cookie?

That's not very fair.

It's not?

No, I'm a bigger kid

Than you, right?

Yeah.

A big kid needs
all the cookies.

Really?

I'm afraid so, tommy,
fair is fair.

[ Sighs]

Look at that, cynthia!

Now they're giving him
their cookies, and

He's not even
sitting on them.

Okay, babies, time
to play a new game.

Hey, I know--

Let's play
astrobat.

Wait a minute,
tommy.

Maybe everyone doesn't want
to play that.

Okay.

Some people want

To play sand adventure.

How do you play?

You dig around
the castle--

I mean, gym--
and fill with water.

Sounds like
digging a moat.

A moat?

No, tommy,
this is sand adventure.

It's different
from digging a moat.

Sounds a lot like
digging a moat.

You babies are too little
to see the difference.

Well, sand adventure
is probably a fun game

But I'd rather play astrobat.

What are you saying, tommy?

Well, uh, I just thought
we could play astrobat.

Look, I decided we're
playing sand adventure

And that's what
we're going to play.

[ Whispering]:
don't make him mad, tommy,
he's awful big.

But what about
playing fair?

Tommy, I don't think

You understand
about this fair stuff.

I don't?

You don't decide
what's fair.

There's something else
we use to decide--

Something easy
to understand.

Know what it is?

Um, no.

This!

Now, do any of the rest of you

Want to play something else?

That's better.

Now dig, all of you!

Fair is fair.

[ Laughs]

I can't believe
it, cynthia.

Now they're building
a moat for him.

What's next, a swimming pool?

You guys, what
are we going to do?

I never thought
I'd say this, but...

I miss angelica.

I miss angelica, too.

I miss the way
she yelled.

I miss the way she put
sand in our diapers.

I miss the way
she called me melonhead.

[ All sigh]

You stay here--
I'll get help.

Tommy, I don't think
that's a good idea.

If josh finds out...

I don't care.

If we don't do something

We'll be stuck
with josh forever.

Angelica, angelica,
you got to help us.

Well, well, well,
look who's back

The baby
from the other playground.

Listen, angelica...

What's the matter?

Tired of your new friend?

We made a big mistake.

Really?

Josh is worser than you.

What?

He's real mean.

He bosses us around

Makes us push him on the swing,
dig moats

And takes our cookies.

Who does he think he is, me?

Will you help us?

No.

But we need you.

I needed you before to dig--
did you help me?

But...let this be a lesson
to you, tommy--

Next time, look
before you peek.

Angelica, please!

Hmm!

[ All gasp]where you been

Baldy boy?

I just went for a walk.

Did I tell you
you could do that?

Did i?

I didn't think so.no.

Now, there's been talk
floating around

Maybe some of you babies

Aren't happy
with how I do business.

So, if anyone has any complaints

Any problems at all

Speak up now.

Come on, anyone?

Anyone?

How 'bout you, chuckie?

Got something to say?

Phil?

[ Gulps]
lil?

So, everyone's

Perfectly happy here, right?

No more complaints.

Well, then, you'll all
be happy to join in a game

Called...
Pillow.

What do we
got to do?

Oh, it's simple.

All you got to do is lie down
here in the sandbox.

That's perfect.

Now, don't move.

I like pillows.

Is this
the whole game?

Don't worry.

You'll see.

[ Grunts]

Josh, you're not going to try
to jump over us, are you?

No, I wouldn't try to jump
over you.

[ All sigh in relief]

I'm going to jump onyou!

[ All gasp]

[ Laughing evilly]

[ All gasp again]

[ Screeching]

The next one won't miss.

All:
angelica!

That's my name--
don't wear it out.

Hey, what's the big idea?

I'm the big idea--
quit messing with them.

They won't be bossed around
by you or anybody.

Get off the ground, dummies.

Get back down there.

This is none
of your business.

These are my babies now!

This catapult says different.

Hey!

Want another, pal?

Wait a sec.

What do you want
with dumb babies, anyway?

They may be dumb babies
but they're mydumb babies.

Now get up!get back down!

I'm not scared of you.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Well, you're making

A big mistake, bucko.

Hey, watch it,
angelica!

Give up, cheesebrain?

Tell you what:
I'll make you a deal.

We'll split them, - .

Hmm, who gets the heads?

No, I mean, you take two babies,
I'll take two.

Couldn't be more fair.

I came to get
all these babies

And I'm not leaving.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah!oh, yeah?

[ Groans]yeah!

[ Bawls loudly]

Mommy, she pushed me.

And don't ever
let me catch you

Picking on my babies again!

Angelica, you saved us.

You're our hero.

Thanks,
angelica.

You're
the greatest.

Ah, quit slobbering.

I'm sure glad things
is back to normal.

Me, too.

Back to work, babies!

Isn't she
the greatest?

All:
yeah.

Just a little
taste, sweetie.

No.

Come on, sugar,
it's good for you.

Don't you want
to grow up

No.
To be strong?

Last time you ate broccoli

You said it wasn't bad.

No.

Angelica, if you don't

Eat some broccoli

Then no seconds
on dessert.

That's not fair!

That's it,
angelica--

Go to your room!

But, daddy!

Too late, angelica.

We tried to reason with you

But you
wouldn't listen.

You'll be sorry!

[ Door slams]

Charlotte, do you think angelica

Was serious
when she said

"You'll be sorry"?

What are you
talking about?

She's three,
what's she going to do?

Oh, you're right.

We've raised
such a clever little girl

Who knows what
she's capable of?

Get some sleep.

We'll all feel better
in the morning.

Okay, char.

It's not fair, cynthia.

The grownups always get
to decide everything.

All they do is boss me around
like I'm a kid or something.

I'm three years old.

Are you getting
a raw deal?

Is your boss
treating you unfairly?

Perhaps a family problem
cries out for mediation?

The last one-- the family thing.

Don't wait-- call us at the law
offices of f. Lee barnum & sons.

We'll fight for you!

Hmm.

[ Huffing, rattling]

[ Doorbell rings]

Who could that be?

Hello, I'm here for
a miss angelica c. Pickles.

And you are...?

F. Lee barnum

An attorney?
I'm an attorney.

Yeah, I've been engaged
by miss pickles to handle

Some domestic
legal matters.

You must be mistaken.

Angelica's a little girl--
she can't hire an attorney.

I'll determine that.

Hi, mr. Lawyer,
come in.

Angelica,
what's going on?

I'm suing you.

Suing me?

More tea?

Thank you.

Let me get right
to the point

Miss pickles.

Our case rests on establishing

Withholding a second helping
of dessert constitutes...

Yeah, yeah,
skip the fancy talk.

Bottom line?

Very well. I think

I can get
your parents kicked out.

Cool!

If we play our cards right

I think I can get a childhood
self-care annuity, too.

Huh?

Money, miss pickles

Lots of money,
for both of us.

Now you're talking
my language.

Charlotte:
angelica, honey.

Yes?

I'd like to talk about
this lawsuit.

Too late for talk now, mommy.

I tried to reason,
but you wouldn't listen.

Let's get ice cream

And tell me
what's bothering you.

That's awful nice,
mommy

But on counsel's advice,
I decline.

Angelica, stop this nonsense
or I'm going to...

Careful, don't say anything you
don't want repeated in court.

Now, listen!

Uh, uh, uh, the tape's rolling.

Uh... But...

Oh!

[ Grunts]

Drew, call
our attorney!

We're going to the mat
on this one.

Drew:
you think she has a case?

I'm afraid so.

I strongly advise
you settle out of court.

A settlement?!

He's right, let's end this

As painlessly as possible.

Oh, maybe you're right.

Angelica's lawyer
faxed me their demands.

Shall I read them?

Well, sure, how bad can they be?

] Dessert on demand
hours a day;

] Official present-giving days,
whenever angelica wants;

] A mr. X exploding
smash-up doll;

] A commander bill
desert storm flamethrower;

] A pony; ]...

I won't be pushed around
by my own daughter!

Very well,
we prepare for court.

Meanwhile, all of america
remains riveted by the case

Of angelica pickles,
the charming little girl

Suing her parents for divorce.

We go there live.

Reporter:
do you really think
you have a case?

Of course we do-- this girl
has been severely mistreated.

But aren't you
contributing

To declining
family values?

What's your point?

I'll handle this.

Ms. Reporter, ma'am

I'm not a bad kid,
I'm really not.

All I ever wanted

Was a little ice cream

Maybe a toy here or there.

Doesn't every three-year-old
have a right to some kindness?

And now you're trying to make me
feel like I'm a bad guy?

When will it all end?

[ Sobbing]

[ All laughing]

Look, it's the parents!

Reporter:
mr. And mrs. Pickles

How does it feel being
the world's meanest parents?

My clients
have no comment.

Did you tell her once
she couldn't watch cartoons?

No comment.

Order, order, this court

Is now in session.

Mr. Barnum,
please call your first witness.

I call to the stand
mrs. Charlotte pickles.

Now, mrs. Pickles

Is it not true
that on august

You served your
three-year-old daughter

A large piece of broccoli
for dinner?

Depends on what
you consider large.

I'd say it was small.

Mrs. Pickles,
let's not quibble

Over serving size.

Seems to me
you'rethe one

Quibbling,mr. Barnum.

[ Laughter]

Just answer the question,
mrs. Pickles.

What question was that,
mr. Barnum?

Did you or did you not
serve your daughter

A disgusting piece of broccoli?

I served my daughter broccoli
but it wasn't disgusting.

It was a healthy, tasty,
nutritious vegetable

Rich in vitamin c.

Any self-respecting parent
would do the same.

Objection!

I'm doing
the questioning.

I'll handle this.

You're doing
a lousy job--

Making her look good.

How dare you!

I'm a skilled attorney

With months' experience.

Your highness

I'm dismissing my lawyer

For gross incontinence.

You don't have to.

I'd rather quit

Than represent a brat.

Your majesty,
if it pleases the corpse

I'll act as my own lawyer.

Well, I must admit
I've never heard of

A three-year-old
representing herself

But there's
no precedent against it.

See you later, buster.

Back to chasing
ambulances for you.

Judge:
let the records show
miss pickles dismissed

Her attorney
and will represent herself.

You may proceed.

Thank you, your highness.

For my next witless, I call...

Miss cynthia pickles!

[ Murmuring]

Who's that?
You don't want
to know.

Now, cynthia...

Objection!

Your honor,
as an inanimate object

That doll's testimony
is inadmissible.

I realize it's unorthodox

But I'm going to let
the doll testify.

You can't be serious.

I amserious, mr. Hershowitz.

And if you impugn
my integrity again

I'll hold you
in contempt.

Miss pickles, please proceed.

Thank you, your majesty.

Now, cynthia, would you please

Tell the court in your own words
what happened?

[ Silence]

[ Chairs creaking]

What's that, cynthia?

Cynthia says

They tried to make me
eat broccoli

Although they knew
it tasted yucky.

I said politely
that I didn't want to

And they sent me to my room
without dessert.

Objection.

Overruled! Let the cute girl

Finish her story, okay?

[ Groans]

Now let's return to february .

As you explained,
angelica pickles

Was innocently watching cartoons

Minding her own business.

What happened next?

Mr. Zebra says my daddy
turned off the tv

And told me I'd been watching
too much cartoons.

[ Crowd gasps]this can't be happening.

Don't worry,
we'll get our turn.

Now, angelica, do you think
you're a goodlittle girl?

I think that's
for the court

To decide, don't you?

Angelica, do you ever do
as your parents say?

Maybe, maybe not.

Answer
yes or no.
Yes or no.

Angelica, answer the question.

Angelica, answer the question.
Are you mimicking me?

Are you mimicking me?
You're in a court of law.

You're in a court of law.

Stop it!

Stop it!

[ General laughter]

Your honor,
please make her answer.

Maybe if you'd ask
a little more nicely

She'd answer.

Now, sweetie,
would you please answer

The mean old
lawyer's question?

Of course, your majesty,
I'd be happy to.

Rnow, once again,
angelica

Do you do what your parents
tell you?

Oh, of course--

I always listen
to my mommy and daddy.

[ Laughter]

Your honor, I have
no further questions.

Now, daddy, do you remember
what I wanted

For my birthday?

You had a very long list.
There was...

Don't get cute!

What one thing did I want most?

I think a big train
from the toy palace

You can ride around in.
You thinkit was a big train?

Okay, a big train.

But you didn't get it, did you?

Well, i...

Did you get the train?

Your honor, I don't see...

Answer your daughter's question.

I didn't get you the train.

What was that?

[ Loudly]:
I didn't get you
the train!

Ladies and gentlemen
of the jerky

You heard it.

I don't ask a lot.

But for my birthday

My one birthday
out of the whole year

I asked for a train,
and did I get it?

No.

[ Crowd groans]

But the toy store was out.

Mr. Pickles, I rarely
editorialize like this

But I just want to say

That I think you ought
to be ashamed of yourself.

[ Cheers and applause]

Your honor, this is ridiculous.

This courtroom
is a three-ring circus.

I only asked my daughter
to eat broccoli.

I was being a good father.

Mr. Pickles,
you're in contempt!

One more word
and you'll be escorted out.

Though unusual,
we jurors feel

We don't need to deliberate.

We award angelica pickles
all demands

Including possession
of the house

And all
her parents' assets.

This... Isn't happening.

I was just being a good father.

Bailiff, have this man removed
from my court and locked up!

No, I'm a good father,
I'm a good father.

I'm a good father.

I'm a good father.
Order, order

I demand order.

I'm a good father.

[ Mumbling]

Huh? A dream...

It was just a dream.

Charlotte, wake up.

Huh? Drew, it's :
in the morning.

What a nightmare!

Angelica was mad
about the broccoli

And sued us
to take the house away...

Drew, it was a dream--
go back to sleep.

Yeah, I'm just going to take
a peek and see how she's doing.

[ Yawns]

Hi, daddy.

Hi, sweetie.

Oh, daddy, I'm sorry

I was a bad girl.

No, honey, ishould be sorry.

I shouldn't have tried
to make you eat broccoli.

From now on, you can try

The foods
you're ready to try.

Oh, daddy,
you're the greatest.

[ Chuckles softly]

Now sleep tight,
princess.

Heh, heh, works every time.