02x07 - Suzie's Choice

[bunniefuu]

GIRL:
Four, three, two, one!

[ rock music playing]

♪ Every birthday,
my mom and dad would say ♪

♪ "You're another year older,
another year wiser" ♪

♪ But I still go to school

♪ To get an education

♪ I treat each and every day

♪ Like a mini vacation

♪ All grown up!

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up!

♪ I want the world to know

♪ All grown up!

♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪

♪ All grown up

♪ With you

♪ All grown up with...

♪ you.

The word is "pants," in French.

Pantalon.

Italiano.

Pantaloni.

German.

Hosen.

And now the Linguistadors' hero,

Susie.

Japanese.

Pantsu.

Russian.

Bryuki.

[ stopwatch beeps]Yes!

We are ready for the semifinal.

[ kids cheer]

How do you do it?

It's just some
freaky knack.

But let's not forget
Pepe's brilliant coaching.

I'm brilliant
at chefing, too.

I must prepare tomorrow's
marmalade and tuna tacos.

[ gasps, screams]

[ clears throat]

Whoa... how long is this
going to last, Lil?

Either tell on me or let it die,

but end the torment!

Hmm, I don't
know, Philip.

I'm waiting for the optimum
moment for maximum rewards.

How about
two weeks' allowance

and we say
it never happened?

[ chuckles]

Poor little

clueless Phil,
Phil, Phil.

Maybe for the
"your red sock in my
white wash" incident,

but this--

spray-painting your skateboard

and accidentally
ruining Mom's...

Don't say it!

Okay, her you-know-what.

Her what?

What?!

Yeah, don't
leave us hanging.

It cannot be released
in the air

because once it's said,
I'm dead.

Yep, and in the meantime,
you're a puppet in Lilville.

BOY:Oh, Lil!
Oh, no.

It's that Jeffrey!

What's up?

[ laughs goofily,
makes farting noise]

[ boys laughing]

Hi, Jeffrey.

So, want to hang out
after school tomorrow?

I would today,

but I have
a fluoride treatment.

Well, I, um...

You see, there's
this, uh...

[ snickering]

Okay.

Beautiful!

[ making farting noises]

[ moaning]
So, why didn't
you just say no?

It's just not in me to be mean!

ANGELICA:
And I'm going to wear
the party-pink strapless

with the seafoam sling-backs.

No, delete.

Make that
the seafoam backless

with the party-pink
platforms.

Yes!

This audition could
change my life.

Audition?

Oh, uh... no.

I, uh, said...

Ma's ignition.

Spill it, girl.

Fine.

They're holding
pre-pre-auditions
for Fame Quest.

Get out.

Details!

It's all on there.

Thanks for the solid, Angelica.

This could be your
big break, Susie.

And this one
seems legit.

I know,
and I'm going for it.

Me, a star!

Do you see it, Kimi?

Uh-huh.

I also see toilet paper
hanging from your shoe.

Oh.

[ both laughing]

SUSIE:
Does this outfit go
with this song?

♪ I got, got, got you
on my mind. ♪

Kind of grown-up,
don't you think?

Hello-- I'm .

Did you do
your Russian verbs, sweetie?

Might come up at the meet.

Maybe later.

Right now
I got to finalize my song,

pick the key...

[ clears throat]

Ne volnoys'ya,Mom.

That's "Don't
sweat it, Mama."

I'm not the one sweating it,
but you might be.

It's two very big events.

Which she'll handle brilliantly
as always.

Right on, Daddy-o.

Well, if you find

that you're giving each
only %,

you know you may end up
having to choose.

Don't think so.

I'm like you, Mom.

You can do it all
and then some.

Not really.

Right.Right.
Hey!

"Adios"in German.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Gay, gee, guy, go, goo,
gay, gee, guy, goo.

"Bonjour"in Japanese.

Konnichiwa.

Do you believe we're going
to the semifinals?

Sí, oui, ja, da
and you got that right.

Like it?

Awesome!

I mean magnifique.

I'll study Hebrew while I'm
trying on shoes. Shalom.

Pay, pee, pi, po, poo,
pay, pee, pi, poo.

Wow, renewing
your wedding vows.
Oh, how romantic, Betty.

Romantic my caboose.

It's just time
for a new set of rules.

You know, like "love, honor
and wear a snore guard."

Heh.

Ah.

So, did you buy
a new wedding gown?

Are you nuts?

I just let the old one out
a little.

Okay, a lot.

[ grunts]:
Ooh, boy.

[ blender whirring]

[ moans]:
Oh!

Let me guess.

Jeffrey was everything you
thought he was and less.

Why?!

Why does the lamest boy
on the planet,

not to mention America's most
wanted misuser of hair gel,

have to be madly in love
with me?

Why?!

How's your new boyfriend,
Lillian?

Zip it, Philip.

Hey, Philly, have you seen my...

No!

All righty, then.

I remember when I had to plop
a bow on Lil's head

to tell you apart.

Ah...

So, you going to see
Jeffrey again?

Don't think so.

Aw, you going to dump
the poor dude?

Nope.

You are.

Coconut.

Coconut.

[ gasps]

Kokosnuss!

Correct.

[ cheering]

And now, the ten-point bonus
question which will determine

who goes to the finals

for a chance at the
Golden Tongue trophy.

[ squealing]

Ready to go down, Linguistadork?

Bring it.
The word "phlegm" in Flemish.

[ all gasp]

[ all gasp]
What's the matter?

Couldn't think
of a little old word
like... flegma!

Correct!

Yeah!

[ chuckles]

I know, the finals!

It rocks!

Check out the date.

So? It's on the...

same day as the audition.

[ cheering]

[ Pepe laughing]

Good, good, good,
good, good.

KIMI:
"Get dressed"?

You really need to put that
on your "to do," uh, wall?

Yes, to make time
for language practice,

song rehearsal, homework
and occasional Happy Burger.

I only have three days to go

and your question
just made me late.

You, uh, seem a little stressed.

No way--

let's go.

Maybe on the tiniest chance
that you can't pull it off,

you should tell Pepe
so he can...

How long
have you known me, Kimi?

Am I not
a no-fail kind of girl?

And I am not stressed!

Okay, um...

What?!

You want to wear shoes?

LIL:
Just say he's very nice,

and there's
a girl out there

who'll appreciate
his, uh, uniqueness.

And don't stand too close,

because he sometimes spits
when he talks.

You ready?

As soon
as you sign this,

swearing you will never tell Mom

about the you-know-what

and that you can never, as in
never,hold it over me again.

It is well worth it.

Bye-bye.

I don't walk like that.

Observe.

[ groans]

[ kids laughing]

For the next two days

we will eat, sleep
and drink the languages.

I'm so close to the Golden
Tongue I can taste it.

And now for my surprise.

Hats!

For you...

and you...

and you.

And you.

Now...

we stay late today
to work, work, work!

I've only got minutes
and six seconds to get
to the theater.

But first you may take
short break for eat

and homework to do.

[ spluttering]

[ both slurping]

So, Jeffrey,
something I really
got to tell you, I...

May I just say

you look extra cute today?

Uh, thanks.

I like your voice
that way.

Uh, why is it
that way?

Oh, uh,

it always sounds
like this when...

the moon is full on a Tuesday.

Mine sounds like that
when I have a cold.

I like colds--
maximizes the snot factor.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Wow-- a girl
who likes snot!

How lucky can I get?

Uh, oh, yeah.

Uh, so anyway, Jeffrey...

Check it out!

Wow!

Excellentium.

[ gasps]

Is that Lil hanging
with Jeffrey?

And what is coming out
of her nose?

GIRLS:
Ew!

ANGELICA [ off key]:
♪ I knew the minute

♪ I saw you
that you saw me, too ♪

♪ And thought, "Ooh, ooh,
ow, ooh, I love you." ♪

Thank you.

Don't quit seventh grade.

[ screaming]

♪ I'm a prisoner of your...

[ screeching]:
♪ Love!

S-Sorry I'm late.

There's this really big thing
at school and...

Growing old here.

Okay.

♪ Look in the mirror

♪ Tell me what I see

♪ All of the things
that I could be. ♪

You're moving on.

: p.m.
on the sixth.

Thank you, thank you.

MAN:
Be back in an hour
for costume approval.

Huh?[ watch beeps]

PEPE:
Susie.

Pepe almost had
fit of conniption.

Sorry.

Swedish:

"The lox is on the bagel."

♪ Losos' na bublik,baby. ♪

[ whining]

[ laughs nervously]

Did I just sing that?

Mm-hmm.

And, uh, not in Swedish, huh?

Uh-uh.

Russian?

Mm-hmm.

[ laughs]

I need a rest.

[ watch beeps]

Ooh!

Do svidaniya!

[ panting]

[ cries out]

[ grunts]

So? How'd he take it?

Uh, good, kind of.

He's buying me lunch tomorrow.

What?!

He thinks I'm cute.

[ groans]

[ breathing heavily]

Like it.

It's got pizzazz.

Love the hat.

The hat?

[ chuckles]

[ crickets chirping]

[ sighs]

[ music playing,
crowd cheering]

In Bulgarian...

pig Latin...

dolphinese.

[ no audio]

[ audience cheering]

[ screaming]

RANDY:
Susie!

Are you all right?

Okay, no, I'm messing up.

I'm worried I'm going
to blow the finals

andthe audition.

Maybe all this is
a little too much.

It can't be.

I bet Mom
would've found

a way to
pull it off.

I want you
to hear something.

WOMAN [ on record]:
♪ And that's the down-home
under-rolling-thunder blues. ♪

Wow!

She's amazing.

Indeed.

That's why I married her.

That was Mom?

What was Mom?

What do you call
those things?

Records.

Yeah.

You were so great.

You could've
been famous.

Why didn't you go
for it?

I wanted to, but there were
a lot of great singers

and not a lot of women
getting scholarships.

[ kitchen timer beeps]

My roast!

And, Susie, don't think
I don't love being a doctor.

I made my choice.

Oh...

Are you okay?

No.

Today I sang
my answer

in the wrong language

and wore my stupid hat
to the audition

and still can't
nail Bulgarian.

And what if
I forget Swedish

or my song

or turn into a giant
Happy Burger?!

Sweetie, this audition
is not the end-all.

Yes, it is.

I've got to find out if
I have what it takes to make it.

But you have plenty
of time for that.

You don't want to let
your team down.

No, but what's a school thing
compared to my dream?

Just because you chose
to give it up...

When I was .

You're .

Your big choices
should be between
which clubs to join

or... or Sunny Bits
or Berry Jacks.

Hello-- you're .

Exactly.

Some kids have
record deals by now.

You're right--

sometimes you've got
to make a choice,

and I just made mine.

[ sobbing]

[ blows nose]

Oh, I'm really
sorry, Pepe.

I've just got to give
this audition %.

[ crying]

I have to do something to...

BOY:
Check it out!

Oh, yeah, that's right.

I'm tight.

[ grunting]

I am so going
to k*ll him.

And to think it
all started over
the you-know-what.

Which you don't know
and I don't know

and only they know
what's what. What?

Well, I'll tell you
what I do know.

That my reputation is destroyed?

That I may have to change
schools, cities,

countries, planets?!

I was just going to say
that Phil looks good as a girl.
[ groans]

[ music playing]

Oh, it's
so exciting--

"The Java Lava's
First Wedding:
The Sequel."

Oh...

More vows?

"To love and to cherish.

Stop hogging the covers
and use your own hairnet."

Uh... nice.

[ door chimes dinging]

Hi, Kimi.

Um, how did
practice go?

Uh, good.

Bien.

Primo,even.

You know what?

I just lied
in three languages.

We stink!

How could you just bail
like that, Susie?!

I'm really
sorry, Kimi.

But you know what this
audition means to me.

I do,

but you shouldn't have
gotten us all this way

if you weren't going
to follow through.

Well, it's not
like I planned it.

So we get trashed
at the finals.

I guess it'll be
one of those

character-building
moments I keep
hearing about.

Uh...

[ watch beeps]

Oh, I got to go.

Good luck.

Don't forget your hat.

LIL:
I demand that you break up

with Jeffrey
immediately.

Three words, Philip:
you... know... what.

Here's my three words, Lillian:
you... signed... this.

I... don't... care.

You... can't... do...
uh... that!

You dump Jeffrey or I tell Mom--
that was the deal.

Then go ahead and tell,

because I'm not doing
your dirty work,

especially now
that Jeffrey and I are tight.

[ groaning]:
Oh...!

[ brakes squealing]

You getting on
or not?

[ audience cheering]

Spanish: "goose."

Um, uh...

El ganso.

[ horn toots,
audience cheering]

[ whimpering]

A Russian pork chop.

SUSIE:
Svinaya kotleta.

[ crowd gasps]

MODERATOR:
"Boy" in Swedish.

Pojke.

[ bell rings]

Oh!

Nice outfit.

Thanks.

Italian: doorknob.

Pomello.

A French fry.

La frite.

Yes!
Yes!

[ bell ringing in
over correct answers]

"Newspaper" in Moscow.

Gazeta!

[ bell rings, audience cheers]

ALL:
Oh, no!

Bulgarian-- degree
of difficulty,
three points.

In Bulgarian
the word is "penguin."

"Penguin"?

When on this earth
am I ever going

to have to say
"penguin" in...

PEPE:
Susie!

[ sighs]

Pingvin.

We did it!

[ cheering]

[ kisses]

Thanks, Suze.

I know
what you gave up.

Congratulations,
sweetie.

I'm so proud of you.

Great job, kiddo.
But how'd you know I'd be here?

I just had a hunch.

And so, you see,

it's time I left the world
of grossiosity behind,

but you still
belong there

and should enjoy it.

Guess the moon
"defullarized"

because your voice
is normal.

Uh-huh.

I'm going to
miss you, Lil.

I might never find
another girl

who likes making
butt prints in wet cement.

Anyone happen to see us
doing that?

Yep!

Don't you remember
the school reporter

when you signed yours?

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Cheer up, Jeffrey.

Here's someone you'll
like just as much.

You know
my brother, Phil.

Yo, Jeffrey, you want to sh**t
pudding through our noses?

Ugh!

He's gross!

Bye, Lil.

Bye, Jeffrey.

I'm gross?

I'm gross?

Me?

KIMI:
In addition

to a been-there-done-that-
but-doing-it-anyway wedding,

it's also people-who-
might've-been-a-star-

if-they-hadn't-helped-win-
a-language-off, uh, night.

So here to sing her song
is Susie Carmichael.

[ music begins
as audience applauds]

♪ Look in the mirror

♪ Tell me what I see

♪ All of the things
that I could be ♪

♪ An empty page
in an open book ♪

♪ So color me so vividly

♪ I'm a wave in the ocean

♪ The sunset on the sea

♪ All the power
of the mountains ♪

♪ Is the force
that lives in me ♪

♪ The fire in the dragon
to fill an empty heart ♪

♪ Not so sure where I'm going

♪ But this is where I start.

♪ Around the world
and back for more ♪

♪ But never left
my own front door ♪

♪ But for now
I'm just chasing dreams ♪

♪ That's what
they're for ♪

♪ And not
keeping score. ♪

BOTH:
♪ I'm a wave in the ocean

♪ The sunset on the sea...

♪ Oh, the power
of the mountains ♪

♪ Is the force
that lives in me ♪

♪ The fire in the dragon
to fill an empty heart... ♪

BOTH:
♪ Not so sure where I'm going

♪ But this is where I start.

[ song ends, audience cheering]

Well, I guess
it's wedding time.

Anyone see Betty?

So I guess the you-know-what

will forever remain
a deep, dark mystery.

Oh, you'll know
about it pretty soon.

[ organ playing]

I think you know what
I'm going to do to you.

SUSIE AND LUCY:
♪ Here comes the bride

♪ All dressed in white...

[ crowd laughing]


SUSIE:
Ne volnoys'ya,Mom.