02x04 - Adventures in Greaser Sitting/The Cat Club/Cat Diggety Dog

[bunniefuu]

♪ One fine day
with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ A baby was born
and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ No blue bug
and no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ Just a feline, canine,
little catdog ♪

♪ Catdog... Catdog...

♪ Alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ Out on the road
or back in town ♪

♪ All kind of critters
putting catdog down ♪

♪ Got to rise above it,
got to try to get along ♪

♪ Got to walk together,
got to sing this song ♪

♪ Catdog... Catdog...

♪ Alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ Catdog... Catdog...

♪ Alone in the world
was a little catdog. ♪

( Wind whistling )

( Birds chirping )

( Classical music playing )

( Slurping )

Ah...

An afternoon of pure,
uninterrupted leisure.

Dog, this is what
a cat lives for.

( Groans )

If you say so, cat.

Oh, I do, I do.

The phone is unplugged,
so is the tv, and...

( Doorbell rings, barks, meows )

The door is still
plugged in, huh?

( Snickers )

( Imitating ):
heh-heh-heh.

Cliff:
hey, catbutt, open up.

It's cliff.

Um, uh, cliff,
it's my day off

And dog and I were
just relaxing
so, we...

Not anymore you ain't.

This here's
my niece.

( Coos )

( Giggles )

( Belches deeply )

Hi, little baby.

Coochie-coochie-coo.

Yow!

Lube was supposed
to baby-sit her

But he got his head
stuck in a bicycle.

That's, that's really
fascinating but i, uh...

I want you
to baby-sit
her instead.

Do me that personal-type favor

I won't pound you for a month.

And if I refuse?

Then I pound you right now.

Well then,
just call me nanny.

Hi,
little
nanny.

Hey, I think youse

Are really going
to hit it off.

She's got a real thing
for kitty cats.

Kitty cat!

( Giggling )

( Gleeful yelp )

( Laughing... )

Be a good little girl

And let kitty cat go.

( Crashing )
ow!

( Talking baby talk )

Here comes
uncle cliffy.

Here comes
uncle doggy.

Here comes
uncle catty.

Sheesh, you get
the license plate

On the atom b*mb
that hit this place?

We're baby-sitting
cliff's niece, winslow.

Yeah?

So, uh, where is
the little tyke?

Huh?

( Gasps )

( Gasps )

She's gone!

( Doorbell rings, barks, meows )

( Groans )

Hey, um, it's, uh...

I forget my name.

( Screams ):
it's lube!

Oh, yeah.

Um, and I come to take over
the baby-sitting, on account of

I got my head un-stuck
from the bicycle.

Oh, my gosh, my gosh.

When lube sees
I lost the baby

He'll tell cliff.

And I'll be
dead cat meat!

( Snickers )
tough break, cat.

So, uh, can I have your tv?

Wait a minute.

You're just about
the right size.

For what?

W-whoa!

Hey! I ain't
pretending to be no...

Coochie-coo

Little baby.

Hey, I ain't no...

I'll get you for this, cat.

( Chuckles )

She's getting more
like cliff

All the time.

( Sighs heavily )

Dog:
you're a genius, cat.

All our worries
are over.

What are you
talking about?

We still have to
find cliff's niece

And switch her
with winslow

Before cliff
gets home!

Oh, yeah.

Cat!

That innocent baby is out there

In the big, bad world,
all alone.

We must find
the baby

Before any harms
come to her.

Or me.

Let me out of here,
you big dope.

Um, I think
somebody's cranky

On account of
not eating.

Here, baby.

A nice jar, um...

( Sniffs )

( Flies buzzing )

...of stuff to eat.

What, are you nuts?

No way I'm eating
kiddy garbage.

Open up for lubey.

Coming in
the garage.

Huh, not bad.

Kind of tasty, in fact.

Keep it coming,
servant boy.

( Frantic sniffing )

( Sniffing deeply )

Getting closer, cat.

( Horrified gasp )

( Giggling )

( Giggling )

( Screams )

( Giggling )

( Riders screaming )

( Giggles )
kitty cat.

( Catdog panting )

( Frantic sniffing )

What is it, boy?

( Giggling )

( Coaxing ):
well, hello there, little miss.

Why don't you waddle over here

And play
with uncle cat?

Ooh! Why, you little...

( Cooing and laughing )

( Growls )

( Panting )

( Laughing )

Kitty cat.

( Growling continues )

( Stammering ):
c-come on, baby.

It's time to go.

( Guard dog pounding,
cat groaning )

( Groans )

( Snarls )

Dog?

Leroy!

Ah, leroy...
My main man.

Give me some of that.

Leroy:
you still hanging
around with cat?

I'm kidding you,
I'm kidding you.

Lube:
and so them bears did something

And blonde girl did something

And they liv-ed happy
forever, um, a long time.

( Yawns )

Time.

( Snoring )

Hey, hey, getting
a little lazy

With the rocking,
ain't you?oh, sorry.

Yeah, well,
shape up

Or I'll tell
my uncle cliffy.

Now, let's have
a new story.

And, while we're
on the subject

( Laughing )

How's about freshening
up my milk?

Uh, okay, baby.

Party's over,
missy.

( Chortles )

( Humming )

Terrific.

( Ice cream truck
playing tinkly music )

( Giggling )

( Panting )

Dog, I don't think
we'll ever find

That little
bundle of joy.

Cat! Look!

It's baby!

Oh, no, cat.

How will we ever catch
that speeding truck?

Catdog wheel!

Cat:
keep rolling, dog!

( Whistling )

It's cliff!

( Dog stammering )

( Whistling )

We're running
out of time.

We have to
find the baby

And get her back
to cliff's house

Before he gets home.

Cat! Look!

She left a trail
of ice cream wrappers.

Interesting.

( Gasps )

Little monster knocked over
senor frosty.

( Someone moaning )

( Laughing )

Cat ( whispers ):
perfect, it's nap time.

Winslow:
hey, what's the big idea?

Shh! We're getting you
out of here.

I don't want to.

What do you mean?

I like it here.

I get three
hots and a cot

The big goon treats me
like a king.

He even reads
me stories.

Well, tough kitties.

We're going home.

Winslow, please.

Cliff will be back
any second.

Okay, I'll come with you

On one condition.

( Humming )

( Gasps )

( Crickets chirping )

Cat( wearily ):
♪ rock-a-bye winslow
in the tree top. ♪

Oh, no, no.

I'm sick of
that song, cat.

How's about
a story?

And some more
strained peaches.

And warm me up
another bottle of milk.

Dog:
you sure make
a good baby-sitter, cat.

( Laughter )

What a great
yarn ball!

Mmm... What a joy it is
to be a cat.

( Sighs )

Do you always have to be

Such a dog?

( Gobbling and gulping )

What did you say, cat?

( Horn blaring )

Calling all cats.

Join the cat club.

If you are a cat

You belong.

Hmm...

I'm not going to
a stupid cat club.

Come on, dog.

I need to be
with my own kind

Once in a while.

We'll only stay
a few minutes.

But it says "cats only."

Not to worry.

I don't want to be a cat.

How do you know
till you've tried?

You might like it.

Ouch.

Thank goodness for
those origami lessons.

( Grunts )

Hmm...

That nose won't do.

You'll pass.

Now just stick close to me,
and if anyone talks to you

What are you
going to say?

Meow.

Perfect.

Well, good evening,
fellow cats.

( Chuckles )

We're just a couple of cats

Here to join the cat club.

Meow.

Hmm, I never seen a cat

Like that before.

He's a very rare breed.

He's a...
East moravian... Maroni.

Well! Why didn't you
say so?

Come on in!

( Cats chatting and laughing )

Good evening, gentlemen.

I'm feleen.

( Chuckling )

Hello-o-o.

My name's cat,
and this is

My friend do... Doug.

Doug.

( Moans ):
meow.

Can I get you a yarn ball?

A dry spot in the

Litter lounge?

A table in the milk bar?

How about a tasty
fresh fish juice?

Yuck.

Tuna? Salmon?

Sushi?

Oh, why, thank you.

Uh... Doug.

Ew... I hate fish.

( All gasping )

Um, he's kidding.

What a funster.

He's a nut!

Dog, uh, doug
loves fish.

( Gulps )

I think I'm going to barf.

( Swallows )

I want to go.

You said we'd only stay

For a few minutes.

Oh, you can't go yet.

You haven't seen
your uniforms.

Uniforms?

Oh, do you have hats?

Is there a hat?

I love hats.

Bring on the chapeaus.

Both:
me-ow!

Now, join us
in our inner sanctum...

The sacred cave of cats.

Shh!

Shhh...!

( Alarm blaring )

Me-wow.

( Crowd gasping )

( Crowd cheering )

♪ Cats, cats, cats, cats ♪

♪ Cats, cats,
cats, cats ♪

♪ Cats are great

♪ Cats are the best

♪ Compared to a dog,
there is no contest ♪

♪ We are the cats,
we have cool hats ♪

♪ We are the cats!

( Audience cheering
and exclaiming )

That was beautiful!

I love you guys.

Greetings,
fellow felines.

Please lower the mask of unity.

We welcome
our two newest members

Cat and doug.

All:
hail cat and doug.

And now, a film you will all
find very illuminating.

Roll it, lenny.

Oh, boy,
a free movie.

This is a great
club, cat.

Told you so.

Narrator:
cats, the proud

The brave

The intelligent.

Superior.

The cat, wonder of wonders.

Ah...

The greatest creature on earth.

Ain't it the truth.

Ain't it the truth.

But alas, the beloved cat
has an evil enemy.

The cause of all our problems...

The dog.

( Audience shouting and booing )

Despicable, inferior creatures

Not fit to walk this earth.

But not anymore.

A new day is dawning.

We will achieve
our ultimate dream

A world without dogs!

No more dogs!

All:
no more dogs!

No more dogs!

No more dogs!

Dog-- doug,
what are you saying?

I'm saying, "no more dogs!"

Feleen:
here is how we will
achieve our dream:

The dogcatcher xl5!

( Audience gasping )

It will eliminate dogs!

And anyone who
associates with dogs!

No more dogs!

No more dogs!

No more dogs!

Dog, this is
a bad club.

We've got to get
out of here.

These cats are crazy.

No more dogs!

No more dogs!

Dog, dog, dog, dog, dog.

You're a dog.

( Siren wailing )

No more dogs...!

Wait!

Someone here has
the foul stench

Of dog upon them!

( All gasping )

( Teeth chattering )

Who has been associating
with a dog?

Oh, I know, I know!

Pick me!

Pick me! Pick me!

Dog! Dog!

What?

It is... Him.

Traitor!

( Groans )

And who was the dog... Doug?

It was me!

( Crowd gasps )

Destroy that cat,
and the dog he dragged in.

Destroy that cat
and the d... Oops.

After them!

( Cats yowling )

( Cackling )

( Both shriek )

Well, dog... We learned
a valuable lesson today.

( Cat screeching )

Don't join a club
just 'cause it looks cool.

( Another cat screeching )

Right!

Can I keep the hat?

( Another cat screeching )

Crowd ( chanting ):
catdog, catdog...!

Now, remember, dog,
follow my lead.

When I say
"cat diggety dog,"
you say "cat digg..."

Okay!

( Musical intro plays )

♪ Cat diggety dog

♪ Cat diggety dog

♪ Dog diggety cat

♪ Dog diggety cat

♪ He wants to do this

♪ I wanna do this

♪ I gotta do that

Terrific.

♪ How could it get

♪ How could it get

♪ How could it get
any better than this? ♪

I can't imagine.

♪ Two-in-one brothers

♪ Two-in-one brothers

♪ We never fight

♪ We never fight

♪ Except when we
yell and scream ♪

Dog, will you watch...

Dog:
♪ when we scratch and bite

Cat:
♪ how could it get,
how could it get ♪

♪ How could it get
any wetter than this? ♪

Can I get you a towel?

Never mind.

♪ We're salt and pepper

♪ We're salt and pepper

Dog:
♪ we're bacon and eggs

Cat:
♪ that's scrambled eggs

♪ My legs are his arms

♪ His legs are my arms

Dog:
♪ my arms are his legs

♪ I gotta eat trash

♪ He has to eat trash

♪ He's gotta eat well

♪ I try to eat well

♪ I eat till I'm full

♪ He eats till I'm sick

♪ And, boy, do I smell

Whew!

♪ Hi-ho diggety!

♪ No-ho diggety

♪ When day is done

♪ Please say it's done ♪

Dog:
♪ you know, two heads

♪ What about
two heads? ♪

♪ Are more than one

Stop, stop,
stop, stop!

♪ Cat's face
doesn't get ♪

♪ Cat's face
doesn't get ♪

♪ Cat's face
doesn't get ♪

♪ Any redder
than this. ♪

Oh-ho, that's funny.

Those are not
the right words.

♪ It just doesn't get,
it just doesn't get ♪

♪ It just doesn't get
any better than this! ♪

Audience ( chanting ):
catdog, catdog, catdog...!

♪ One fine day
with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ A baby was born
and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ No blue bug
and no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ Just a feline, canine

♪ Little catdog

♪ Catdog... Catdog...

♪ Alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ Out on the road
or back in town ♪

♪ All kind of critters
putting catdog down ♪

♪ Got to rise above it,
got to try to get along ♪

♪ Got to walk together,
got to sing this song ♪

♪ Catdog... Catdog...

♪ Alone in the world
was a little catdog... ♪

♪ Alone in the world
was a little catdog. ♪