02x01 - Send in the CatDog/ Fishing For Trouble

[bunniefuu]

♪ One fine day
with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ A baby was born
and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ No blue bug
and no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ Just a feline, canine,
little catdog ♪

♪ Catdog... Catdog...

♪ Alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ Out on the road
or back in town ♪

♪ All kind of critters
putting catdog down ♪

♪ Got to rise above it,
got to try to get along ♪

♪ Got to walk together,
got to sing this song ♪

♪ Catdog... Catdog...

♪ Alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ Catdog... Catdog...

♪ Alone in the world
was a little catdog. ♪

( Sighs )
dog, why won't
you tell me

Where we're going?

'Cause I want it to be
a big surprise, cat.

Well, I hate
your big surprises.

Okay, here's
a hint.

We're going
to school.

Well, I must say
I am impressed.

Education is a wonderful idea.

Dog:
ta-da!

Clown school?!

What a ridiculous
idea!

But all my life

I've dreamed of
being a clown.

Wake up and smell
the exit sign, dog.

We're out
of here.

( Whimpering )

Man:
don't you think

You can handle it,
pussycat?!

( Growls )
nobody calls me pussycat.

You don't have what it takes
to fill these shoes.

Oh, I got what it takes
and then some.

Where do I sign?

Welcome to clown school!

( Both yelling... )

( Grunting, hollering )

( Door closes )

( Gasps )

( Nose squeaks )

( Bell ringing,
trumpet playing reveille )

Man:
ten-hut!

I am sergeant sillybells!

If you survive me

You will be masters of mayhem

Soldiers of silliness,
warriors of wackiness.

All:
sir, yes, sir!

So, you want
to be a clown

Eh, dogface?

Sir, yes, sir,
I do, sir!

Wiggle those ears!

Cross those eyes!

Stick out that tongue!

( Blithering )

Outstanding!

( Chuckles )
are you kidding?

Well, if it isn't
mr. I-got-what-it-takes.

I got my eye
on you, hairball!

All right, you
knuckleheads!

Let's see you slip
and fall on those
banana peels.

Go, go, go!

( Yelling )

( Yelps, grunts )

( Grunts )

Ooh, banana gunk!

( Whistle blows )

What... Hairball?

Afraid of getting
your fur mussed?

Oh, no, sir, no.

But, I wa...

( Stammering )

Wouldn't it
be funnier

If I didn't
fall?

It was a surprise,
talk about funny.

Hairball! You fall
on that banana peel!

Yes, sir, yes, sir!

( Yelling, grunting )

( Groaning ):
oh, my body!

( All grumbling )

Ow! Ow! Ow!

I can't breathe!

I can't breathe!

Hairball!
Get in there!

Yes, sir,
sergeant sillybells!

Excuse me, it's
just my body.

( Grunting )

( Loud sucking sound )

( Slurps loudly )

Hairball!

The object is to get hit
by the pie!

Do you understand?

Well, sir...

Funny thing.

I don't like
to get hit by pies.

They're all messy.

Cream gets
in my fur.

All clowns love
to be hit by pies!

Clowns live to be
hit by pies!

In fact, I want to be hit
with a pie right now!

( Gasps )

Thank you, son.

Sir, no problem,
sir!

Here you go,
hairball!

Pie yourself!

( Gulps )

What will it be,
hairball?

The pie way?

Or the highway?

Come on, take the pie.(Shivering)

Take the pie,
man.

Take the pie.

Take the pie.

Take the pie.

Take the pie.

Take the pie, cat.

( Whimpering )

( Laughs )
see, another surprise!

Funny, boy, laughing now,
right, funny?

Right, sir,
funny?

That's it,
hairball!

You don't have what it takes.

You are dismissed!

Discharged!

Ouch!

This cat is history.

But, sir...

You can't do that.

( Stammering ):
I did the banana peel.

I got in the car.

You can't kick me out,
sir.

I've got no place
else to go.

Now, for the rest
of you clowns...

It's time for your final
assignments.

All right, you fearless
funny fellows...

Prepare to jump!

Winky the clown,
to andy rheingold's bar mitzvah.

Go!

( Groans )

Mr. Jumbo to supermarket
opening-- go!

( Squealing )

Now, I need a volunteer

For one very dangerous mission.

The birthday party of...

Susie sourpuss.

( All gasp )

Not susie
sourpuss.

Not susie sourpuss.

That gal is crabby.

Who's it going to be?

Sir, me, sir.

I will be proud to do it , sir.

I knew you'd
come through, son.

You've got what
it takes!

Doggo the clown to susie
sourpuss's birthday party!

Good luck,
son.

Thank you, sergeant
sillybells, sir.

I will do my funniest.

( Yelling ):
hi-ho, diggity!

( Cat screaming )

( Cat screaming )

( Crashes )

Doggo the clown has landed.

( Cat groans )

Party in sight.

Five children.

One parent.

And one susie sourpuss.

Gee, cat, I wish you
were going in with me.

I'm not a clown, remember?

I couldn't take the pie.

( Grunts )

( Door opens )

Hi! I'm doggo the clown.

( Chuckles, honks horn )

( g*nsh*t, horse whinnies )

( Toilet flushes )

( Buzzer bleats )

( Giggling madly )

( Grunts )

Doggo!

( Panting )

It's horrible
in there.

She just
wouldn't laugh!

( Moans )

( Stammering ):
oh, dog, dog, dog.

( Wheezing )

You got to go in there.

You got to finish the job.

( Wheezing )
must save party.

I can't go
in there, dog.

I don't have
what it takes.

( Yells ):
i...

( Wheezes )

I think you do.

I think you got
what it takes.

And then some.

( Sadly ):
go in there
and make them...

( Squeaks ):
laugh.

( Gulps loudly )

Hi.

I'm mr. Funny.

Happy... Silly...

Clown.

( Crazy laughter )

Oh, he's worse than the dog!

( Breathing wheezily )

( Laughing hysterically... )

Watch out for that
banana peel... Oh!

Oops! I fell!

It was pretty funny...

When I fell on the banana peel.

Not even remotely amusing.

Cat...
I got one left.

Take it.

Take... The pie.

Do you got what it takes...

Hairball?

Ta-da!

Still not funny.

( Snarling )

What?!

That wasn't funny?

But i...

I did it.

I took the pie...

And the mess and the fur

And the pie and the goo
and it's in my ears

And it's ...

Oh!

I took the pie...

( Wailing )

Now that's funny!

( All laughing )

For bravery beyond the call
of duty...

I award you the rubber
chicken of honor.

Ladies and gentlemen,
hairball the clown!

( Laughing, making rude noises )

The traditional -pie salute!

( Jeering laughter )

( Pies smacking... )

Cat:
please don't...

( Pies smacking )

( Pie smacks )

Not another one...

I hate you guys!

Cat:
ugh, sticky taffy

Red-hot chili, orange freezee--
dog!

Don't you think you've had
enough junk food?

You know what that stuff does
to our insides, dog?

Don't you have
a shred of self-control?

Um... No.
( Gulps loudly )

( Gobbling loudly )

Hey, dog.

Look over there.

( Gasps )
prizes!

( Cat grunts )

Knock the bottles down,
win a prize.

Okey-dokey.

Hmm...

( Gagging )

Ugh!

Hairball.

You're a winner

Choose your prize.

Dog:
ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Goldfish!

Ooh! Goldfish!

( Gulps )
a goldfish?

Carny:
here's your fish.

Remember, do not
overfeed it, et cetera.

Winslow,
meet veronica.

Hello there,
veronica.

Veronica? How do
you know it's a girl?

Ah, cat.
( Chortles )

Geez, louise, dog.

It's pretty gutsy
bringing a pet fish home.

Especially with a cat
around the house.

I'm not worried.

Cat has lots of self-control.

He wouldn't think
of eating my veronica.

( Laughing ):
I should say not.

( Snorts )

( Dog snoring loudly... )

Um... Aah!

( Whimpering )

( Shrieks softly )

( Snoring... )

( Gasping )

( Panting heavily )

Ah!

( Laughing nervously )

No, what am I doing?

I have self-control.

That's what separates
the canines from the felines.

( Chomping )

( Gulps )

( Snoring... )

( Grunts )

Oh, my gosh!

I ate veronica.

( Voice cracking ):
dog will never forgive me.

( Yelps )

( Dog yawning... )

Morning, stranger.

Where's veronica?

I did not eat her!

See, here she is!

Dog:
gee, she looks kind of puffy.

Veronica,
you shouldn't
eat so much.

You need more
self-control.

Like cat.

Wowie caboodles

Look at that
self-control.

She's thinning
out already.

( Gulps )

What's the
matter, cat?

( Stammering... )

Dog, your voice
sounds, uh... Raspy.

Really?

Oh, yeah. Say "ahh."

Ahh...

Ooh, you know what?

( Stammering ):
I'd better check
your tonsils.

Yeah! Don't worry
about me!

I'll be right back.

You stay out there.

I'll be right back.

( Muffled ):
okay!

Veronica! Here, veronica!

( Echoing ):
veronica! Veronica!

I told dog not to eat
all that sticky taffy.

( Squeaking )

( Rumbling )

Chocolate matzo ball!

( Yells )

( Squeaking )

( Yells )

Gummy llamas!

( Yells )

( Slurping )

Mmm... Orange soda.

Toilet water.

Hey you, catdo... Oh...

Never mind.

( Gurgling )

Red-hot chili.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Ah...

( Breathing echoes... )

( Stretching... )

( Both shriek )

I think I took a wrong turn
at the small intestines.

Veronica?

( Yells ):
here, veronica!

Oh, what's the use!

She's probably fully
digested by now.

( Harshly ):
hey, bub!

You looking for me?

Veronica... Ooh.

I knew she was a guy.

( Chuckles nervously )

Well, looks like
you've been eating well.

Hey!

Aren't you the
guy who ate me?

I think maybe I'll return
the favor.

( Growling fiercely )

Wait a second,
you're not veronica.

Cat ate veronica!

Dog!

You saved my life!

You ate my veronica...

( Loud chomp )

Oh! Oh, well,
hi, dog.

( Forced chuckle )

Welcome to
veronica's stomach.

He ate us.

Yeah, well, you ate
veronica first!

I lost my
self-control.

It's okay, cat.

You're not mad?

Nah, same thing
happens to me
all the time.

( Chuckles )

Oh, yeah, that's true.

Uh, cat?

How are we going
to get out of here?

Dog...

You don't want to know.

( Athletes grunting,
crowds cheering)

( Whistle blows )

Hey, uh, fish

Can I have bite
of that chili?

Sure thing.

Hey, bub

Where's the little
boys' room?

Upstairs and
to the left.

Thanks, bub.

( Laughing... )

Announcer:
and coming up, here on kat,
we'll be announcing

The big winner
of our big contest.

I got to get
to the radio!

Be right there, cat.

Come on,
it's fetch time.

( Cat groans )

( Bangs door )

Fetch, fetch...

Not now,
it's the big contest.

I've got to listen
to the radio for my name.

I could have told you that.

( Chortles )

It's cat!

( Gulps )

( Gags )

So, come on,
throw the ball!

( Chortles )

Okay, but
fetch quietly.

Make it a long one.

Oh, look at it go.

( Howling )

Hi, wins...slow.

Hiya, dog.

This your ball?

( Whimpering ):
ball...

Now, all you
cool cat kids...

This is it.

...the winner of
our big wkat contest.

This big prize is going
to put us on easy street.

Cat, you notice
when you throw a ball

A dog's got to fetch?

Yeah, that's...
Whatever, yeah.

To claim your
big prize, call

Within five minutes...five minutes!

It's a rule of nature,
a dog can't help himself.

( Whimpers )

And our big wkat
lucky winner is... Cat!

I won!

Congratulations, cat.

I got to make that call!

Dog:
hi-ho, diggity!

( Chortles )

I love fetch.

( Humming )

Cat:
got to get to the phone!

Oh, oh, no!

( All grunting )

Hey, tampering
with the mail

Is a federal offense!

Uh-huh, oh...

Cat:
whoa!

Greaser dogs hate catbutt.

Greaser dogs hate catbutt.

( All groaning )

( Shrieking ):
catbutt!

Don't just stand there!
Get them!

Come on, you guys!

Follow the catdog!

Dog:
ball, ball, ball, ball, ball!

Cat:
phone, phone, phone, phone!

Please, dog, wait just a...

( All shouting )

( All grunting )

Fetch, fetch, fetch, fetch!

Ow! Ow!

Ooh! A phone.

Just got to get...

Aah!
( Straining )

I... Must... Fetch...

I'm trying to make a call.

I'm trying to make...

( Shrieking )

Guy:
ow...

( Yelping )

( Yelling... )

Okay, boys!

( Shouting... )

( Shouting, yelling... )

( Bell ringing )

Whoa!

Fetch!
Come here, little ball!

( Howling )

Cat:
get to a phone...

( Both shouting )

Guy:
oh...

Another perfect game of fetch.

Terrific.

( Gasps )
a phone!

I can still make it.

This is cat!

Tell me I'm
not too late!

Congratulations, cat!

Dog, I won!

( Bells, sirens... )

All:
whoa!

Whew! Close one.

Yeah.

Dog, this is our lucky day.

( Whistling )

( Engine roaring... )

( Howling )

So, cat, the grand canyon
made a real impression on you.

( Guffawing )

Laugh it up, ratboy.

We'll see
who's laughing

When we get
our big prize.

( Horn honking )

Hey, look, cat,
here it comes now.

Aw, dog, it just doesn't
get any better than this.

Congratulations, cat!

You've just won
a lifetime supply of...

Give it to me, baby!

Tennis balls!

Huh?

Yes! Hi-ho, diggity!

No, no diggity!

Okay, boys,
now we got them.

( All yelling )

( Snarling )

About face, boys, we got
some mangling to do.

( Chortles )
I really love fetch.

( Grunts )

♪ One fine day
with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ A baby was born
and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ No blue bug
and no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ Just a feline, canine

♪ Little catdog

♪ Catdog... Catdog...

♪ Alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ Out on the road
or back in town ♪

♪ All kind of critters
putting catdog down ♪

♪ Got to rise above it,
got to try to get along ♪

♪ Got to walk together,
got to sing this song ♪

♪ Catdog... Catdog...

♪ Alone in the world
was a little catdog... ♪

♪ Alone in the world
was a little catdog. ♪