01x13 - Safety Dog/Dog Come Home!

[bunniefuu]

♪ One fine day
with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ a baby was born
and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ no blue bug
and no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ just a feline, canine,
little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ out on the road
or back in town ♪

♪ all kind of critters
putting catdog down ♪

♪ got to rise above it,
got to try to get along ♪

♪ got to walk together,
got to sing this song ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog. ♪

( Birds singing )

What you making, cat?

( Nervously ):
Hors d'oeuvres.

My Swedish pen pal, Ingrid

just got into town.

And, uh...
( Chuckles )

It's funny-- apparently

she's under
the silly impression

I'm some sort
of gourmet chef, it's...

( Laughing )

Yeah, i know...
I know.

Cat, where'd she
get that idea from?

Well, it... might have been me.

You mean, you lied?

That's what you do
with pen pals.

I never knew that.

She sure looks nice.

( Bottles, jars clinking )

I can't wait to
make her acquaintance.

Well, dog, I'd prefer it

if you'd make
yourself scarce.

How do i do that, cat?

Ta-da!

( Whiny ):
Oh, no, not the suit,
the suit, no!

I just got it back
from the cleaners.

( Grunting )

I can't believe you even lied

about being a catdog.

Some ladies are finicky
about the two-headed thing.

( Sniffling )

You're ashamed of me?

Oh, now, don't be ridiculous.

That is the...

( Grunting )

Oh, perfect!

( Grumbling )

Oh, fine!

( Yells )

( Panting )

( Grunting )

You just had to buy
the unbreakable plastic kind

didn't you?!

Sorry.

It's Ingrid!
( Doorbell rings )

Oh, she can't see me like this!

Just tell her what happened.

Like you always say,
"honesty is the best policy."

No, it's a rotten policy.

I'm supposed to be a gourmet
chef, good with my hands.

Look at me.

Coming!
( Doorbell rings again )

Look, you got to
help me out here, dog.

I'd do it for you!

( Rings again )

Tell you what, i-i

i-i promise to tell
her the truth

about us being a catdog
over dinner.

Hmm... okay, cat.

I'll help you.

Then grab the sewing kit.

This old suit needs
a few alterations.

( Doorbell ringing,
dog outside barking )

I'm coming, Ingrid!

Okay, dog, come on,
hurry up. In you go.

Right arm.

Right arm!

No, that's your left...
Never mind.

Are you ready?
Let's walk.

And we're go, o-o...

Whoa!

( Grunting )

Perfect.

All right, let's do
the belly walk.

Think caterpillar, dog.

Dog:
Oh, my nose!

( Humming )

Hello, cat.

Hello, Ingrid!

( Quietly ):
Handshake.

( Chuckles nervously )

( Grunts in frustration )

You are just as you described
yourself in your letters.

Yeah, well, i...

I always tell it like it is.

Harrumph!

( Clears throat )

I, uh, i thought

we'd have din-din
at Chez pastrami.

Ooh! Oh, i thought you
were going to cook for me.

Well...
( Stammering )

...in a sense, i will be.

I taught the chef
everything he knows.

Oh, harrumph!

( Clears throat )

Oh, there goes
my stomach.

Shall we?

Will you keep it
quiet in there?

Dog:
Quit lying.

( Motor roaring,
frequent screeching )

Cat:
Watch it! Left! Right!

No, no! ( Yowling )

Left! Right! Straight!

( Horn blaring )

( Yelping )

Oh... ( Laughs )

It helps me to concentrate
to sh-shout out directions.

Left!

Dog:
Say please.

( Horn honking )

Please left!

Okey-dokey.

( Tires squealing )

It must work.

You were national
race car champion
how many times?

Three?

( Both grunting )

( Dog growling )

I was? Ooh, right!

( Tires squeal )

I mean, left, left!

( Horns honking )

( Tires squealing, loud crash )

( Motor sputtering, clank )

Welcome to our
exciting bistro.

Tonight's specials are...

( Thud, grunt )

Ratatouille in a
zesty barbecue sauce...

Salmon steak
au hollandaise...

And a filet of sole
to die for.

Mmm, the salmon steak
sounds yust yummy, ja?

Yust yummy, ja.

Yes, and i
will have the...

( Cat muffled )

Dog:
A sloppy Joe with

a double order of chili
...Fri-i-i-es!

The filet of sole.

You bit me!

Sloppy Joes
and chili fries?!

Well, I'm hungry.

And you said
you'd tell her the truth

about us at dinner!

After dinner!

Just help me out
here, okay?

( Chuckling nervously )

Oh, boy.
( Crashing in kitchen )

( With French accent ):
I can take no more of this!

I quit!

Is there a chef in the house?

Ja, ja!

Cat is a chef.

Oh, no.

No, i really couldn't.

don't be modest.

He taught the chef
everything he knows.

( Wheels squeaking )

( Diners gasp )

don't worry, cat.

I work well with
razor-sharp instruments.

( Dog shrieking karate yells )

( Cat chuckles )

Mommy.

( Diners applaud )

( All gasp )

( All gasp again )

( Applause )

( Whooping, whistling )

( Laughing )

( Diners ooh and ah )

( Big sneeze coming on )

( Sneezes )

Hey! What the...

( Car crashes )

The face looks real familiar

but the body
don't ding a bell.

Aah, all them stupid cats
looks the same anyway.

( Cheering and applause )

( Whistles and whoops )

( Sighs happily )

Such a chef you are!

This food is so
light and delicious

i barely know I've eaten.

( Sucking in deeply )

Yeah... i know what you mean.

( Belches loudly )

Oh... ( Laughs )

Excuse me!

I just... oh, my.

( Band strikes up bouncy tune )

Ooh, ja, a yabba song.

Dance with me,
El skank.

Uh... uh, well,
we just ate, ingy.

You, you're, you're supposed
to wait at least an hour bef...

Oh, come on, catsy.

You are a
professional
ballroom dancer

after all.

Ballroom dancer?!

Just a tiny fib.

I'm sick of all
your lies, cat,
sick of it!

And I'm not helping
you anymore.

Please, dog, please.

Just give me
a teensy bit more time.

Look, I'm doing the lip.

I am unmoved by the lip.

Ingrid:
Yoo-hoo, cat.

I'm waiting.

Okay, fine.

Who needs your help?

You're just
deadweight anyhow.

( Chuckles )

Aren't you going to put
your arms around me?

Well, of course!

( Aside ):
Any time now.

No, I'm deadweight.

Hey! Ho!

Pravda.

Ole!, and...

Now that's a kitty cat
I'd like to get to know.

Hey, doll,
how 'bout a dance?

Thank you, no.

I'm with him.

Hup-up-up-up-up-up-up-up... hey!

Hup-up-up-up-up-up-up-up...

( Laughing )
( Crash )

Hey, you're the creep
what almost hit me

with that salt shaker.

Dog:
It was a pepper shaker.

A real wise guy.

Ingrid:
You'd better be
careful.

Cat is a th degree black belt.

( Stammering )

Yeah...?

( Gulps )

( Raspily ):
Come on, dog.

Help me.

I'm deadweight.

( Groans )

Oh! Ow!

Hold that thought.

Thanks for nothing,
pal!

You're welcome
for nothing.

You are being a real jerk,
you know?!

Yeah, well, you're
a liar, liar,
pants on fire!

Cat:
Oh, you're k*lling me
with that.

Dog:
Hey, watch
that pickle jar.

Black belt,
you don't even have

a money belt.

Hey, this guy does
a pretty good job

b*ating hisself up.

( Grunting, arguing )

Oof!

( Moans )

Hi!

Um...

I have a confession to make.

I'm not a black belt.

And... I'm a catdog.

I suppose you don't want

to have anything more
to do with me?

Wait.

I, too, have
a confession to make...

If you see what i mean.

( Sticks clacking )

This is wonderful,
it's, it's stupendous.

I'm a catdog,
and you're a...

A double-bodied oddity.

What are the odds?
( Laughs )

Ingrid:
So, what's your name?

My friends call me
dog: D-o-g.

You're very good
with your hands, dog.

Ja. Maybe you can give us
cooking lessons sometime.

Ja, sure.

I make a mean borgashmord

and i love
cheese Danish.

Cat:
Oh, here we go.

I like both the Danish
and cheese parts.

And i like those
ingmar bergman

and Charlie McCarthy
movies

where the grim reaper

is a tiny
ventriloquist dummy.

Dog:
Is it Von sydow
or Von sidow?

Whatever,
he's a genius.

Cat:
What am i, chopped
herring? Hello?

♪ For a dog and his pride ♪

♪ it's all about
a fistful of mail. ♪

um...

"Through rain a-a-and sleet
a-and snow..."

( Gulps )

"And dogs."

Mailman!

( Screams )

Cat:
W-w-wa...

Mailman, mailman!

Easy, easy.

Dog, dog, stop, please.

Mailman.

I'm expecting a very important
package... dog!

( Mailman screams )

( Fabric rips )

( Woofing )

I hope you're proud
of yourself, dog.

You've chased away

every uniformed delivery person
in the county.

Now nobody will come and deliver
my fish of the month.

( Sighing ):
Oh, whitefish chub.

Yup, nobody's faster than me.

Nobody.

Nobody, dog?

I seem to recall that...

One time you came up empty!

I don't want to talk about that.

I was just a pup.

Nobody's faster now.

Nobody.

( Something whizzing by )

( Whizzing )

Hey... it's a new mailman.

Yeah, better clear
a little space on the old wall.

( Squealing to a stop )

Oh, please, dog, no.

Let Mr. mailman
deliver our mail...

Then you can chase him.

People told me you were fast.

People talk too much.

Talk is cheap.

Not cheap enough.

( Moans )

( Snarls softly )

Ah...

( Snarls louder )

Ah!

( Growling )

Where'd he go?

Beginner's luck.

( Owl hoots )

( Chanting ):
Please let him have
my whitefish chub.

Please let him have
my whitefish chub.

Ah, you again.

No more Mr. nice dog.

( Growls )

Whoa!

( Gloating laughter )

( Cat gasps and yowls )

( Dog whimpers )

I can't catch him.

I can't catch him.

( Echoing ):
I can't catch him.

Cat:
What's the matter
with your eyes?

Dog:
Oh, so long ago...

( Happy laughter )

Cat:
Let's go, dog.

Come on.

( Yapping )

( Someone whistles )

Dog:
Watch my body.

Yah! Oh, oh, oh!

( Panting )

Oh!

( Whimpers )

( Cackles )

( Jeeringly ):
♪ slowpoke, slowpoke ♪

♪ nyah, nyah, nyah-nyah,
slowpoke. ♪

psst! Is it true
what they say?

Psst! Word is

he's been holed up
in there for weeks.

♪ Slowpoke, slowpoke ♪

♪ na, na... ♪

no, no, no.

Hey!

Come on, dog.

Get over it.

I can't.

I can't get over it.

I swore I'd never
get whupped again.

But look at me now.

I'm nothing.

I'm not even a dog.

I'm a...

( Tearfully ):
A slowpoke.

( Gulps, burps )

( Chortles )

What goodies have we today?

Something of the whitefish chub
persuasion, mayhap?

( Laughs gleefully )

don't worry,
it's a'comin' in.

( Laughter )

Lead-foot.

Some dog.

Why, he's yeller.

See you tomorrow,
with the mail.

( Everyone laughing... )

I hate to say it, pal.

But you need
to get back in the chase.

( Sniffing )

( Whining )

When that paper boy
b*at you down like a dog

did you give up?

No! You pulled yourself up
by your choke chain

and became the scourge

of uniformed delivery people
everywhere.

Come on.

Come on, take the teeth.

Be a dog.

Woof.

( Whimpering )

( Muttering )

( Sniffing... )

Let's get postal.

( Bird shrieks )

( Snickering... )

( Gasps )

It's you!

The paper boy.

I'm not the paper boy
anymore.

I'm... the mailman.

Cat, I'm not fast enough
to b*at him.

It's your move... slowpoke.

Slowpoke.

Slowpoke.

♪ Nyah, nyah, nyah-nyah,
slowpoke ♪

♪ slowpoke,
slowpoke... ♪

stop singing that song!

Come on, partner.

Show that mail boy
what kind of dog we are.

( Snarls )

( Growling )

Ah... mommy.

( Crying )

A big, bad doggie bit my...

Heinie!

( Crying... )

( Chewing )

I'd best not see you around
these parts again...

Slowpoke!

( Whip cracks )

♪ Dog against mailman
is a duel as old as time ♪

♪ a dog who's lost his nerve ♪

♪ is like a song
that's lost its rhyme ♪

♪ but when the dust
had cleared ♪

♪ the dog done realized
his quest ♪

♪ he owned
that mailman's trousers ♪

♪ 'twas the fight heard
round the west ♪

♪ adios, slowpoke ♪

♪ oh, the cat never got
that fish. ♪

♪ one fine day
with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ a baby was born
and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ no blue bug
and no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ just a feline, canine ♪

♪ little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ out on the road
or back in town ♪

♪ all kind of critters
putting catdog down ♪

♪ got to rise above it,
got to try to get along ♪

♪ got to walk together,
got to sing this song ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog... ♪

♪ Alone in the world
was a little catdog. ♪