01x16 - Neferkitty/Curiosity Almost k*lled the Cat

[bunniefuu]

♪ One fine day
with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ a baby was born
and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ no blue bug
and no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ just a feline, canine,
little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ out on the road
or back in town ♪

♪ all kind of critters
putting catdog down ♪

♪ got to rise above it,
got to try to get along ♪

♪ got to walk together,
got to sing this song ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog. ♪

( Polite applause )

Ah!

( Laughing )
( Applause building... )

( Enthusiastic applause )

( Applause stops )

( Laughter and applause )

Welcome back to the
nearburg theater awards.

Our next award will be best
actor in a musical.

Okay, dog, this is it.

When they announce my name,
I'm going to act surprised.

Good luck, cat.

Well, thank you, dog

but it wasn't luck
that brought me here today

it was my prodigious talent.

Why, don't
you remember?

Four score
and seven years ago...

( Chewing )
Um...

What you doing, cat?

Oh, I'm going to be
playing the lead role

in the nearburg community
players production

of... Abe Lincoln, superstar!

Oh. don't you have
to try out first?

Auditions.
A mere formality.

When they see me
who else could they

possibly give the part to?

Maybe i could
try out for a part.

Maybe you try...

( Laughs )

Oh, that's cute.

You want to try...

( Both laughing )

Oh, I'm sorry, but
that's just... you try...

( Laughing hysterically... )

No.
You can't.

Only a handful of great ones

are born to strut
upon the stage.

But you can tag along

and watch the master
in action.

( Droning )
Dedicated to the proposition...

Rancid rabbit:
Are you kidding?

Get out of the
business, kid.

Next.

Uh,... eh... uh, one...

Two, threescore

on, on the go.

Uh, duh,
something happened...

Next.

( Sobbing... )

Look no further, my good man.

Your star has arrived.

Abraham Lincoln lives again!

You may think I'm just
a backwards buffoon

but some day,
I'm going to be

president of
these United States.

And when i...

Thank you.

don't call us
and we won't call you.

Next!

But you didn't let me finish.

Oh, trust me,
you're finished.

( Shouts ):
Next!

But i am Abraham Lincoln.

Not in this
show, honey.

Next!

( Choking )

Stop! You.

The dog attached to
the cat that wasn't good.

Read these lines.

( Gasps )

Uh... uh...

Mary toddy, uh

i got me a hankering
for you.

Will you marry me?

( Gasps )
He's real.

He's raw.

He's an authentic,
American primitive.

Can you sing,
dear boy?

Yeah.

( Howling... )

( Glass shatters )

How's that?

Ladies and gentlemen

we found our Abe.

( Slurps )

( Chair creaking )

( Slurps )

So i hear dog's doing Lincoln.

Hey, way to go, fido.

Oh, thanks, winslow.

( Snarls ):
Yes...

It's wonderful,
isn't it?

We're all so happy
for dog.

So, so, so very happy.

Fasten your
seat belt, dog.

It's going to
be a bumpy ride.

Time to make magic, people.

What is this cat
doing on my stage?

What, what, what.

He's with me.

Get rid of him.

We still need

someone to play Hezekiah.

A part?
I'll do it.

I was born to be Hezekiah.

Yes, I'm sure
you were.

Congratulations.

You're Hezekiah,
Abe's constant companion.

Great, cat!

♪ Now we're both
in the show. ♪

and look,
you even have a line.

Hee... haw.

Let's do the
big love scene.

Where's Abe's wife?

Talluhla, we're ready
for you, darling.

( Quivers...

Cat:
Oh, dog!

Take me
to Washington, D.C.

You old rail-splitter, you.

( Groaning )

Giddy up,
Hezekiah, yah.

Yah, yah...

D.C. or bust!

Hit it, sunshine.

( Playing lively tune... )

♪ Ah, ah, ah-ah ♪
♪ we're off
to Washington D.C... ♪

♪ hey, hey! Let's make
some history... ♪

do you think
it'd be weird
if i grew a beard?

No i do not,
i think
you'd look hot

♪ in Washington, D.C.! ♪

excuse me, did someone
forget their line?!

( Sighs )

Hee-haw.

( Switch clicks )

( Creaks )

( Sloshing )

( Vocalizing )

We open tomorrow
night, thespians.

Astonish me.

( Piano playing... )

( Curtain rods sliding )

♪ Ever since i was
a little lad ♪

♪ i chopped
a heap of wood. ♪

♪ and now, by gosh
i reckon ♪

♪ I'm a-getting
pretty good. ♪

♪ sure chops a mean
piece of wood. ♪

( crashes )

Honest.
Would i lie to you?

Hee-haw.

Yay!

All right!

( Gasps )

Perfection.

Abe himself couldn't
have done it better.

I could have
done it better.

Tomorrow night, the
world will be at your paws.

Now go home and get
a good night's sleep.

Wouldn't want
you getting sick.

Oh!
( Chortles... )

( Crickets chirping )

( Snoring... )

( Wind blowing... )

Wouldn't want you
getting sick.

( Laughs meanly )

( Teeth chattering... )

( Sneeze )

Rancid rabbit:
He's as sick as a dog!

He can't go

onstage like this.

( Weakly ):
Yes, i can.

What are we going to do?

We're ruined!

( Wailing )

Wait!
I can play that part.

You?
Donkey-boy?

That's the craziest thing
I've ever heard.

No, no, no.
I know all the lines.

I know all the moves.

And dog can play the donkey.

( Sighs )

I guess we have
no choice.

Sorry, Abe.

( General conversation )

Places.

Remember!

There are , people out there

watching every move you make.

don't blow it.

( People cheering, applauding )

♪ It's a boy,
Mrs. Lincoln ♪

♪ it's a boy... ♪

( audience murmuring... )

- , people...

( People talking... )

Dog, i can't do it.

Yes, you can.

I forgot the lines.

( Audience jeering... )

( Booing continues... )

That darn cat, he's
got stage fright.

( People shouting )

Man:
Go home.

I'm just a baby.

Leaving town now.

( Audience hissing... )

Cat:
I'm just a baby...

Named abey.

Named abey.

( Quieting... )

( Music starts )

♪ I'm just a baby named abey ♪

♪ but someday maybe ♪

♪ I'm going to hit
the big time, baby ♪

( audience cheering... )

Now that boy's going somewhere.

( Applauding )

♪ And that's how you do ♪

♪ the gettysburg shuffle...
Oh, yes! ♪

( cheering )

( Drums playing )

♪ Abraham ♪

♪ the Lincoln man ♪

♪ he can do what
a president can ♪

♪ and that's why we love Abe! ♪

( cheers and applause )

( Enthusiastic applause )

Man:
Yay!

( Cheers and applause )

( Whistles )

( Cheers and applause
continue... )

And now...

My moment of glory.

And the winner

of the best actor award
goes to...

( Drum roll )

Cat's... best friend, dog

for his memorable portrayal
of Hezekiah, the donkey.

Oh, thank you, thanks.

'Scuse me.

( Crashing )

( Audience applauding )

Thank you.

I don't know
what to say.

I just want to thank someone

who's always been
right there behind me

my close, personal friend, cat.

( Audience cheering )

Hee... haw.

Okay, dog, now no dawdling.

We pick up
the snackages

and we head right home.

I paid good money
for that battle

of the opera stars
TV special

and i don't want to miss
one second of it-- whoa!

I'll be right back, cat.

( Cat yelping )

( Screeches to halt )

Got to sniff my hydrant.

( Sniffing... )

Dog, dog, this is

not your hydrant.

Yes, it is, cat.

Once a dog puts

his special scent
on a hydrant

no other dog can use it.

That's the rule
exactly.

( Rolling up parchment )

( Sniffing )

Ah, the pungent aroma...

Of me.

Okay, well,
you've had your noseful--

i know i have--

now, let's get a move on!

Hey, cat.

When's the big
TV extravaganza start?

In an hour, but that
needn't concern you--

as in, you're not invited.

Yeah? As in, how come?

Because, a) I paid
good money for it

and you didn't; And, b)...

I don't like you!

However, if you'd like
to chip in

i might reconsider.

Pay money to watch
a TV show?

What are you, nuts?

( Squealing )

Just imagine,
world-class opera stars

in a no-holds-barred
wrestling match!

It's absolutely...

Dog:
Hydrant, hydrant, hydrant!

( Cat yelping )

What is it with you?

You sniffed it
five minutes ago.

How fragrant can it be?!

( Sniffing )

I want to make sure
i don't, ah...

Miss anything.

( Sighs )
All right, dog, enough.

The pre-show
will be starting soon.

Somebody used my hydrant!

( Growling )

All right now,
now, easy now, puppy.

Good boy.

No reason to get upset.

I mean, you know...

You've never
seen me upset!

( Growls )

There's been
a crime committed here

and that crime is called
trespassing on my hydrant!

Uh, well, I'm sure
it was an honest mis...

( Cat yelping )

I've got the scent!

( Whooping )

I've got the scent!

Scent, scent!

Slow down, dog!

You're going too fast!

Ow, ow!

Will you please stop?

Ooh, ooh, my body.

( Yelping ) ( Barking )

( Cat yelling )

Got the scent!

Yow!

( Screeching, clanking )

( Clatter )

( Dog panting )

( Barking, crashing )

Dog:
Continuing to whiff...

( Jabbering )

( Cat yelping )

Brilliant work,
Sherlock.

We're back where
we started from!

And here we shall remain!

What?

Whoa!

The trespasser
always returns

to the scene
of the stink.

Okay. This has gone
far enough.

I paid big bucks to watch four
tenors rip each other apart, and

there's no way
I'm going to miss it!

And there's no way I'm leaving

until i sniff out
the trespasser!

Oh, come on.

You can't...

Nope, not him.

You can't just...
Dog.

Not him... not him.

People are staring.

( Clears throat )

If you're in such a hurry

you can help sniff.

I'm not go...

( Growling )

( Sighs )

( Sniffing )

I don't think that was him.

( Sniffs )

No.

( Resumes sniffing )

Hey, you sniffing me?

What?

Are you sniffing me?

Oh... n-no.

( Stammering )

I'm not sniffing you.

I'm a cat.

Cats do not sniff.

Oh, so now you think
you're too good

to sniff a dog,
is that it?

Well...

Uh, why, we don't, uh

stink enough for you?

Oh, no, no,
you're putrid.

Oh, uh... ( Laughs nervously )

don't take that
the wrong way.

( Screeching, crashing, clang )

( Groaning )

( Moaning )

( Growling )

( Very low ):
I know you're out there.

( Grunting )

( Ringing )

Yeah?

( Talking angrily )

Is that you, cat?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

And you see, he's
totally lost his mind.

He says he won't move

until he catches
the "trespasser" in the act.

Yeah? No kidding.

So, uh, sounds like

you're going to miss
the big TV show

you paid all that money for.

Well, thank you for
pointing that out, yes.

That's why you have
to talk to him, winslow.

He'll listen to you!

Whoops. Got disconnected.
( Laughs )

( Dial tone )
Uh...

( Crowd talking excitedly )

Yeah, step right in.

Five bucks a head.

The greatest wrestling
opera singers

in the world on pay TV!

Announcer:
And welcome to the battle

♪ of the opera stars! ♪

dog, that rat winslow's

selling tickets
to my wrestling match!

We can't let him
get away with that!

( Growling )

Must stay here.

Find the trespasser.

Okay, fine, you stay.

I'm leaving.

( Grunting, straining... )

( Whimpering )

As paparotti gets domingus

in a crushing
double reverse hold.

Man, oh, man, will domingus
be hitting the high notes

♪ tonight! ♪

( growling )

( Dish breaking inside )

Female:
Sorry.
I'm such a klutz.

Winslow:
Aah, forget about it.

It's just some antique
crystal cat dish.
( Laughs )

Winslow, when
i get ahold of you

you're going to be...

( Yelping )

( Chattering )

Hey, guys, stick around.

I just popped
a fresh batch

of cat's shrimp rolls
in the oven.

Aah, bunch of party poopers.

( Yawns )

( Sleepily ):
Cash, money

cash, money.

( Sniffing )

Going to burn
the house down.

( Gasps ):
Dog...

Dog:
Find trespasser.

Our house, it's on fire!

( Mumbling )

We got to save it.

( Grunting )

Fire department, fast!

Whoa, [ !

( Siren wailing, horn honking )

( Screeches to halt )

We need that
fire hydrant, sir.

( Growling )

( Snarls )

( Both gasp )

( Growling )

Dog, please.

If you value
our friendship whatsoever

if you care about me

let them use
the hydrant.

Wait a minute.

( Sniffing )

It's him.

Trespasser
has returned

to the scene of the stink.

Must be punished.

( Snarling growl )

( Gasping )

( Cat yelping... )

( Dog yelling )

Dog:
It's a puppy.

A sweet little puppy.

And i almost
att*cked him.

I'm a bad, bad, dog.

You been messing
with my hydrant.

( Growls )

Your hydrant?!

( Growls )

( Both growling... )

( Roars )

( Echoing )

( Chomp )

( Yowls )

Catch you on my hydrant again,
you're dead meat.

Come on. We're out of here.

Oh, but, but...

What about my house?

( Sobbing ):
What about my hou...?

( Humming )

Hey, cat.

Isn't that our house
that's burning down?

Why, why, yes, dog...

It is.

( Starts laughing... )

Yeah, so...

How come you're,
you're laughing?

Because... it's funny.

You see, i

i never got to see my pay TV
wrestling special.

And then...
( Squeaking )

I got att*cked by greasers.

( Laughing )

And i got hit by lightning!

And then a puppy bit me!

( Cackling )

And now that

I've lost everything
i own in the world

( cackling )

I now know that things

couldn't possibly get any worse!

( Laughing )

( Continues laughing wildly... )

( Dog laughing also )

What's so funny, cat?

I hate water!

I'm a cat!

That makes
it worse.

( Laughing )

The joke's on me.

( Both howling hysterically )

Dog:
It's not that funny.

♪ One fine day
with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ a baby was born
and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ no blue bug
and no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ just a feline, canine ♪

♪ little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ out on the road
or back in town ♪

♪ all kind of critters
putting catdog down ♪

♪ got to rise above it,
got to try to get along ♪

♪ got to walk together,
got to sing this song ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog... ♪

♪ Alone in the world
was a little catdog. ♪