01x18 - Just Say CatDog Sent Ya/Dog's Strange Condition

Episode transcripts for the TV show "CatDog". Aired: April 4, 1998 - June 15, 2005.*
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Conjoined siblings -- one a dog, the other a cat -- deal with the unique challenges of their existence.
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01x18 - Just Say CatDog Sent Ya/Dog's Strange Condition

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ One fine day
with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ a baby was born
and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ no blue bug
and no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ just a feline, canine,
little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ out on the road
or back in town ♪

♪ all kind of critters
putting catdog down ♪

♪ got to rise above it,
got to try to get along ♪

♪ got to walk together,
got to sing this song ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog. ♪

♪ Dig, dig, dig a hole,
dig-a, dig-a, dig ♪

( operatic humming
to "row, row, row your boat" )

Mmm-mmm-mmm.

Look at these scrumptious
turnips.

Won't they be delicious
in my summer stew?

( Gasps )

( Gagging )

Oh, that's right, i forgot.

You don't eat anything
that isn't decomposing.

Or moldy.

Huh?

( Grunting... )

You again?

How many times do i have to
tell you, you filthy rodent?

Keep your mangy mitts
off my vegetables.

Yeah? Well.

They're growing
in my dirt

so that makes them mine.

( Blows raspberry )

( Shouts )

( Snickers )

Over there,
you almost had him.

You're in the pocket, daddy-o.

There you go,
you're in the zone, yeah.

Doing great,
you are the man with the plan.

Yes. Excellent,
you're doing so good.

You're outsmarting him.

Hiya, turnip.

( Chomping )

( Gulps )

Hey, uh, you going fishing, cat?

Yeah.

Gopher fishing.

( Evil snickering )

( Grunts )

We set the bait
and we sit back and wait.

( Humming merrily )

( Chuckling )

( Engine starting )

♪ Heh, heh-heh,
heh-heh, heh ♪

i got a bite.

Wowee, cat.

That is one
very strong gopher.

( Engine revving )

( Groaning )

( Strained groaning )

You're... not... getting away...
This time.

Oh... ( Nervous laugh )

Hook, line and... sucker.

( Laughs )

No gopher's going to make
a sap out of me.

( Laughing ):
Gee, cat.

You're sure making a big deal
out of a little gopher.

( Laughing )

( Gasps )

( Sniffing )

Somebody's in my bone cellar.

( Bones rattling )

( Door creaks )

( Gasps )

( Growling ):
My bones!

( Panting, growling... )

( Roars... )

Cat:
No, no, no, no...

Whoo, hoo, hoo!

( Growls )

Whoa!

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Easy, easy.

Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Dog, there he is.

Dig, dog, dig.

Oh!

Oh!

Eh!

Psst, psst.

( Growls )

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Easy, easy, whoa.

( Humming )

( Yelps, dishes breaking )

Oh!
Ooh-hoo-hoo!

Hey, guys, look what i made.

Ho!

Ho!

Oh, boy.

Whew.

Oh!

Ha.

Oh, dog, not the sewage pipe!

( Screams, gurgles )

What are you doing to us?! Stop!

( Dog growling )

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh....

( Cat screams )

( Panting )

Well, dog, it doesn't get
any worse than this.

( Things popping and banging )

Cat:
Woo-hoo!

( Moos )

( Sniffing )

( Growling )

No, hold it, dog...

Oh, dog, please,
we just went through this.

( Growling )

( Laughing )

He's out there!
He's out there!

He's out there somewhere!

Dog, come on,
what are you doing?

I can't do this anymore.

You wait here.

I'm going to catch that gopher.

Even if i have to do it alone.

Listen, i-i-i want to get that
gopher just as badly as you.

I just don't like
being dragged through sewers

and falling off cliffs, okay?

Look... from now on, we do this
the safe, scientific way.

Oh.

Brain power!

( Drill buzzing,
machines clanking... )

( Laughs )

( Beeping )

Okay, dog

let's nail that fur ball.

Hard left.

Dig, dig.

( Panting )

So much earth, so little time.

Dive, dive, dive!

( Beeping )

( Rumbling )

Yeah, yeah, right there.

Oh... um, look.

( Dog growling softly )

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right there.

Gotcha.

Psst, hey, get out of here.

This is private property, right?

You know, from over here, that
kind of looks like our property.

( Growling )

I suggest you move
out of the way.

You see, dog here has acquired
a taste for... gophage.

( Snarling )

Oh, yeah?

Well, i got
some vicious critters of my own.

( Whistles )

Is that all you got?

Worms?

( Snaps )

( Gasps )

They ate big yarn ball.

( Burps )

'Scuse me.

Yeah, and that's just
the appetizer.

Another snap
of my fingers

and the rest of your stuff
is dessert.

Uh... well, now, let's not
be hasty here.

Cat:
Maybe we can work out a deal.

( Growls )

Keep talking,
stranger.

So it's agreed.

Everything above ground
belongs to catdog

and everything below the ground
is the gopher's.

( Dog growls )

Except dog's bone cellar.

( Sarcastically ):
Ooh, ow.

You drive a hard bargain, cat.

( Chuckles )

Dog:
And you're living
in the bargain basement, gopher.

Cat:
Ah, gopher no more.

Mmm-mmm-mmm.

Brilliant work, if i do
say so myself, dog.

( Rumbling... )

( Dog howling )

Oh, no!

( Whimpering... )

( Dog howling and whimpering )

Cat!

Gopher:
Hmm, let's see here.

According to our agreement

everything below the ground
belongs to gopher.

Get off of
my couch there.

Cat, get off of
his couch there.

Terrific, dog.

Just terrific.

Dog:
Airplane! Airplane! Airplane!

Airplane, airplane, airplane,
airplane, airplane...

Cat:
D-d-d...

Dog, dog,
that's just a shadow!

Shadow! Shadow!

( Cat gasps )

( Dog pants, cat yowls )

Ooh, getting closer!

( Screaming )

Man:
We're experiencing
some minor turbulence.

I've turned on
the "fasten seat belt" sign.

( Screaming )

( Still screaming )

Cat:
Oh! Whoa, whoa!

Oh-oh-oh-oh....

( Panting and yowling... )

( Both grunt )

( Sighs )

That was fun, cat.

Fun? No, dog.

That was not fun.

That was pain.

Why can't you behave
like those dogs, for instance?

( Snaps )

( Crunching )

( Slurping )

Ah. Bow-wow, sir.

What have they got
that you haven't got?

Would you tell me that?

A leash.

A leash.

A leash.

Hey, dog...

Hey, how's about
you wear a leash?

Gee, cat, why would
i want to do that?

Well, uh, you'd
want to because...

Oh, there's a new
leash law.

Well, yes, of course.

I can't believe i didn't
think of that before.

Yes, it's a law.

All dogs must be leashed.

Why, didn't you see the sign?

Uh... no... plar...

Wh-wh-what?

You don't trust me?

Now, come on, dog.

( Chuckles )

Have i ever lied
to you, dog?

Well, cat,
there was that time...

Never mind.

( Kissing )

( Sweetly ):
Come here, little poochie.

Come on.

Come on, come on.

Dog:
Oh! Whoa!

( Gags )

There.

It looks great,
really.

( Chortles )

It's, it's you.

It's not me.

( Grunting )

It's the law.

( Cat grunts )

Oh, why didn't i
think of this before, dog?

Now, you see,
we can talk-- yow!

Meat truck! Meat truck!

( Cat blithers )

Look at the butterfly!

Come here,
madame butterfly.

Butterfly... butterfly...

Come on, dog,
what are you trying...

Butterfly,
oh, butterfly.

Come here,
wait for me, papillon.

Butterfly, butterfly.

Dog, heel! Stop!

Will you please...

Butterfly! Butterfly!

( Stifled muttering )

Get me out of here.

You know, you don't seem
to understand

the leash law concept, dog.

I'm wearing it.

Yes, yes, but you also
must be a good dog.

And good dogs don't
just wear a leash.

They obey the person
who holds it.

Yeah, but...

Do you know what happens
to bad dogs

who don't wear their leash
properly?

Uh... they are given
a tasty snack?

No, they are not given a...

( Quivering with rage )

They are sent
to the doggie pound.

( Moaning )

( Whines )

( Whimpers )

Cat, give me another chance.

See you later, dog.

I've got a good dog now.

Cat! Come back!

( Sobbing ):
I'll be a good dog.

I'll be a good dog...

I promise I'll be
a good dog.

Will you please...

( Horn honks )

( Brakes squeal )

Package for dog.

( Sniffs )

Hey, smells like meat.

Meat package for dog.

Package! Meat!

( Blithering )

( Gasps )

I will be a good dog,
i will be a good dog

i will be a good dog.

Oh...

Oh, ho, ho.
Good doggie.

How about
as a reward we go

for a nice, relaxing
walk in the park?

Just you, me...

And Mr. leash.

Whatever you say, cat.

( Cheers, laughs )

( Cat chortles, sighs )

See, dog, isn't life nicer
when you're a good dog?

( Squirrel squeaks )

Whatever you say, cat.

Uh-huh,
hello.

( Whistling )

Ah! Yes.

( Humming )

( Slow, sedate, baroque-style
muzak playing )

( Breathes deeply )

Good day.

A good day to you.

Good day.

It sure is, neighbor.

Good day.

So... yeah... good day.

Wh-what do you do
for fun around here?

Good day.

Yeah, yeah, good day...

So everyone's been saying.

Good day.
Good day.

Good day.
Good day.

Good day.

Boy, this music is really
the pits, huh?

They sure could use
some new tunes.

How about it, dog, huh?

Dog? Dog?

Good day.

( Gasps )

You, too?

Dog, now, dog, come on.

Be normal.

Cat, this is normal.

No, it's not.

Uh, how, how about
we run around?

Ooh, you want to play fetch?

I don't do that anymore.

I'm a good dog now.

And it's a... good day.

( Gasping )

Here, cat, i don't want to
break the leash law.

( Echoing ):
There is no leash law!

All:
Huh?

( Snapping )
( Growling )

( Chuckles )

( Barking and shouting... )

Man:
Down, cujo, down!

( Screaming, growling... )

( Snapping )

Cat:
Well, leash law is kind of
a misnomer.

In fact, i...

I, uh, kind of made it up.

What?! No leash law?

You lied to me.

( Snarling )
( Screams )

Put that back on.

What do you think
you're doing?

( Growls )

( Yaps )

( Yipping )

He's going nuts!

( All barking... )

( Howling )

I'm free! I'm free!

Um...

Well, i am.

( Yapping and howling with joy )

( Growling... )

( Yowling )

( Panting )

( Growling )

( Panting )

( Screams )

Now, now, easy, dog, look...

Listen, i, I'm sorry.

I never should have
lied to you.

It was wrong.

You're a good dog.

You're a very good dog.

Yeah.

Good and mad!

L-l-look.

Halley's comet!

( Growling )
Bigfoot!

Oh... oh... ooh...

Shadow.

Shadow?

Where?

( Jet passing )

Dog:
Shadow? Where's the shadow?

Shadow!

( Crashing )

( Cat yowling )

Dog:
Shadow, shadow, shadow!

Hi, ho, diggity-oh! Shadow!

My old friend, the shadow!

♪ One fine day
with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ a baby was born
and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ no blue bug
and no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ just a feline, canine ♪

♪ little catdog ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog ♪

♪ out on the road
or back in town ♪

♪ all kind of critters
putting catdog down ♪

♪ got to rise above it,
got to try to get along ♪

♪ got to walk together,
got to sing this song ♪

♪ catdog... catdog... ♪

♪ alone in the world
was a little catdog... ♪

♪ Alone in the world
was a little catdog. ♪
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