01x14 - As Bad as She Gets

[bunniefuu]

Sorry I'm late, Olive.


But I just got my dad
the greatest present


any girl's ever gotten a dad
in the history of human kind.


-You got him a--
-It's not a llama.


You're right.
I'm just thinking about me.


But this is your dad
we're talking about.


And you always get him
the perfect present.


So, what'd you get him this year?


Fishing pants.


Well they can't all be winners.


No, he loves fishing
and he's been eyeing them for weeks.


Trust me, it's perfect.


Should have gone llama.


Dad, you bought those?


I know, it's a splurge.
but I figure my birthday's coming up,


so why not treat myself?
So, what do you think?


-Huh?
-New look?


Nothing says "I'm single"
like rubber pants.


Well, joke's on you.


The lady at the fishing store
slipped me her number.


-It's just a receipt.
-Okay.


Wait, aren't those the fishing pants
you were getting him?


Yeah. Now what am I gonna do?


Birthdays were a lot easier
when your dad was a kid.


All he wanted was to do
something with Leo.


Rock climbing with Leo,
paintballing with Leo,


emergency room with Leo.


Who's Leo?


He was my dad's best friend
when they were kids.


I haven't seen him since I was little.
Are they still friends?


Sure. They talk now and then.


It's just, Leo's in San Francisco,
running his tech company,


and your father's here,
running around in rubber pants.


Wait. Is that the Leo
who invented the app


that makes you get up and dance
when you're sitting too long?


Yep! Break, Dance, Break.


It helped me get my groove back.
I didn't even know I'd lost it.


I got it. I know what I'm getting Dad.


I'm getting him a Leo.


You're gonna surprise your dad
with his best friend?


That's great!
He can stay here for the weekend.


What am I gonna do with these?


Maybe I can give them
to my dad for his birthday.


-Does he fish?
-No.


He's just a really sloppy eater.


[theme music playing]


Like father, like daughter
We don't always agree


But looking at you
is like looking at me


The more things change
the more they stay the same


Like father, like daughter
From different times


Taking all the best
From your decade and mine


The more things change


The more they stay the same


The more they stay the same


[Max] This is a birthday surprise, right?


Okay, Dad, you can open
your eyes now.


[Max] You got me a giant picture of Leo?


I love it!


That's not the surprise. This is.


[funk music playing]


Leo!


Max! [laughing]


-That was quite an entrance.
-What do you mean?


I always enter a room that way.


I'm not the only surprise.


Everybody, give it up for Leo Jr.!


Hi, everybody.


Sorry, Dad, that's all I got.


LJ, you are so grown up!


Look at you.


Take a look around, son.
I practically grew up in this house.


Ms. Reynolds is like
a second mother to me.


And you were like a second son.


Only tidier, more responsible,
more polite...


Happy birthday, Max.


I don't know what to say, Syd.


I can't imagine
a better birthday present.


-Thanks, Dad.
-And not only do me and Leo


get to spend the weekend together,
but you and LJ do too!


-Is this as awkward as I think it is?
-Is that code for "let's get out of here"?


-Yes.
-Let's go.


[cell phone dings]


[Leo on message] You heard
the ding, now move your thing.


Hey, that's my app.


You know what that means.


[dance music playing]


[doorbell rings]


Coming!


[sighs]


Hi, Max.


Hey, Leo.


What's going on?


Oh, nothing.
Just the end of the world.


My parents are sending me
to private school.


What?


The Laramie Academy?


Wait, you're going
to smart people school?


All I've got left is the interview.


And look at me, Max.


I'm charming.


Smart.


Would you turn this down?


But we've been in the same class
since kindergarten.


Do you think I know that?


But my parents won't listen.


They say they want to give all
the advantages they didn't have.


It's always about them, isn't it?


Look, just because
we're at different schools,


doesn't mean we still
can't be best friends.


Oh, Max.


Poor, sweet, innocent Max.


That never works.


We'll see each other
after school every day.


Until I have fencing practice


and you get detention
for missing detention.


Before we know it,
we're hanging with different crowds.


You with the smart kids,


and me with the really,
really cool ones.


Leo, I'm not gonna let
them tear us apart.


Me neither.


So, what's the plan?


Why are you asking me?


You're the one going
to smart people school.


Okay, snacks.


Snacks, snacks, snacks.


Turkey sandwich?


-Too boring.
-String cheese?


I'm liking the cheese,
not feeling the string.


Hey, is that lasagna?


Now you're speaking
my "laz-anguage."


[laughing]


When I dropped into that half-pipe,
it's like we were kids again.


Yep. You skating,
me getting it all on video.


Can you believe they still had
a Wolf Guy skating at the park?


Dog Boy. Dog Boy!


Sorry, man.
Still think Wolf Guy has more pizazz.


At least he thought I had some moves.


When I did that dolphin flip,
he gave me a "Whoa, dude."


[laughing] Why don't we see
each other more often?


I guess life got in the way,
but it's all good.


Yeah, it's all good.


Watching you fall on your butt
all morning has made me hungry.


I hid a half a lasagna
in the back of the fridge.


That sounds amazing.


Aw, man. You can't hide
anything in this house.


There's some chimichangas in here.


Yeah, we got to those last night.


We used to raid your mom's fridge
when we were that age too.


That was different... No, it wasn't.


[both laughing]


Listen, while I've got you here,
I've got some news.


Y'all ready for this?
We're moving to Portland.


-What?
-What?


I always thought maybe
I'd move back.


Open an office here,
and now seeing you two


get along so well...
Bam! We're doing it.


[Max] This is fantastic!


Now all four of us can be together.


-I say we celebrate with cupcakes.
-Yeah.


Seriously?


I don't want to move.


I love San Francisco.


-All my friends are there.
-Maybe it won't be so bad.


Portland has cool music, great donuts,
and an annual naked bike race.


Actually, you'll want to miss that.


Sydney, imagine how you'd feel


if you had to leave
everything you cared about


and move to San Francisco.


Syd, you can never move.
But if you go, you'd have to take me.


I have a suitcase I can fit into.
I fold up easy. I'm very portable.


I'm not going anywhere, Olive.


And you don't have to either, LJ,
just tell your dad how you feel.


I'm telling you, man. I still got it.
Throw a word at me.


I'll poem it.


Okay... Training wheels.


Training wheels,
prevents scabs that peel.


Peel. Peel, peel.


[laughter]


Yeah, no way I can tell him.


I haven't seen him this happy in years.


You don't have to.


I'll tell my dad and
he'll convince your dad not to move.


I'm the king of the store!


Welcome to Portland.


Olive, I feel terrible.


If I hadn't brought Leo here,
LJ wouldn't have to move.


That's not your fault.


Yes, it is.


Part of the reason
Leo wants to move here


is because LJ and I
get along so well.


Yeah. Too bad you do.


If you didn't,
he probably wouldn't want to move here.


Wait.


-That could work.
-What could work?


-Are you hatching an idea?
-Oh, I'm hatching.


I wanna hatch it with you.


Let me in the nest.


Two butts are warmer than one.


What if LJ's dad thought


we were bad influences
on each other?


That whenever we got together,


we turn into a couple
of troublemakers.


I can help you. My brothers


are total troublemakers,
and I've documented it all.


How much trouble do you want to get in?


One being, "Go to your room."


And ten being,


"I think m*llitary school
will really turn you around."


Wassup, dude?


My private school interview
is tomorrow


and my parents want me
to practice these questions.


Bet you can't stump me.
Ask me one.


What three adjectives
best describe yourself?


Easy.


Which ones are the adjectives again?


Give me another.


Who helped you
get where you are today?


My mom drove me.


You know that.


Max, if I answered
these questions like you do,


I'd never get into that school.


Wait a second.


If I answered
these questions like you do,


I'd never get into
that school!


-I don't get it.
-Exactly.


Okay, we made the spaghetti,
we made the sauce,


let's make sure you don't move here.


-Are you ready to get into trouble?
-Yes.


-I can't hear you.
-[yelling] Yes!


You don't need to yell,
LJ, I'm right next to you.


Oh, sorry.


I'm just messing with you.


And speaking of a mess,
let's make one.


All right, he goes nothing.


You're right. That was nothing.


-We can do that?
-I don't know.


Can we?


I guess we can.


Hey!


Oh.


Whoa. What a rush!


Whoa. What is going on in here?


Yeah, what is this?


-We thought we'd cook you dinner.
-It's not done yet.


You know what, young lady?
I think you are totally done.


But I'm just getting started.


[both laughing]


I remember
when we used to do this, Leo.


Which time?


-You mean, we're not in trouble?
-No. We'll clean it up. Go, have fun!


Max, did you make all this mess?


Nah, Syd and LJ did.


Sure. Blame it on the kids.


Max, go to your room. Leo, go home.


Wait. What year is this?


Hello. You must be Leo Webb.


I'm Ms. Watkins.


Wassup?


So, Leo, what made you interested
in the Laramie Academy?


-The parking lot.
-Excuse me?


Yeah, it's perfect
for busting some tricks.


See, I skateboard.


I'm a boarder, dude.


Oh. And what would you
like to be when you grow up?


I don't know.


An adult?


Okay, moving on.


Ah, here's on you might get.


What character from a book
would you most like to meet?


[chuckles] Ah. I see what you're doing.


Trick question.


That assumes I read books.


Okay, Leo.


It was a pleasure meeting you.


We done?


Sweet.


Just give me a second.
I want to make some notes on my computer.


Darn.


"Error ." What does that even mean?


Oh, that's just a transfer protocol


response code
in the network communications.


If you reboot in safe mode,
you-- [gasps]


The computer's fine, Mr. Webb.


Now, let's try this interview
from the top, shall we?


Gah!


I don't get it. How could we mess up
messing up the kitchen?


Let's face it,
when our dads look at us,


they just see two nice kids.


It makes me sick.


We'll just have to step up
our trouble-making.


Olive, what's the worst thing
your brothers ever did?


August rd, .


My brother Owen was about to get
his driver's license


when he and his friend Badger
took my parent's car for a joyride.


[Sydney and LJ] Whoa.


Yeah, whoa.


My parents were so mad,
he never got to see Badger again.


Last I heard, he changed
his name back to Theodore.


They were separated?


That's what we need.


Too bad we can't drive.


We don't need to.


Look around.


We can go out for our own joyride.


My dad's number one rule
is to never take out a new bike.


Here's the plan:


LJ and I are gonna grab
a couple of bikes and sneak out.


Make sure you're seen
on the security cameras.


We'll ride around until
the store closes and bring them home.


Our dads will flip out.


Maybe then they won't
think we're so nice.


Now, let's go swipe some bikes.


But first we should finish our vegetables.


Sydney, where have you been?


Oh, you know, around.


-What's it to you?
-Yes. What is it to you?


What is it? It's two new bikes
you took from Max's store.


We saw it on the security video, Syd.


Oh, no, LJ.
We forgot about the security video.


Curse you, modern technology.


I'm sorry, Leo. Sydney's never done
anything like this before.


I don't where this is coming from.


Well, certainly not from LJ.


It didn't come from Sydney.


I raised her better than that.


Better than what?


How I raised LJ?


Who really knows?
We haven't seen each other in years.


Oh, and who's fault is that?


Guys, I think you're missing the point.


We need to be separated.


Ideally between Portland
and San Francisco.


You know, I have always tried harder
in this friendship than you have.


Please, bro. I'm the one
that always has to make the effort.


Really? Then why weren't you there
for the opening of my bike store?


Speaking of bikes, just a reminder,
we stole two of them.


Oh, so you're upset about that?


What happened to,
"Life gets in the way"?


It shouldn't get in the way that much.


You know I was in Tokyo on business.


You told me not to come.


That's just the polite thing people say.


A real friend would know that.


A real friend would have come
to the launch party for my app.


So you're upset about that?


I rented a houseboat.


You know I get seasick.


It was on a lake! It never left the dock.


Face it, one of us always cared more
about this friendship, and it wasn't you.


I don't know what I was thinking,
considering moving here.


But Dad, we only took the bikes
so you guys wouldget mad at us.


And we wouldn't have to move here.


You don't have to worry about that now.


Pack up. We're leaving
first thing in the morning.


Dad, what are you doing?


You guys are best friends.


You know what? Maybe we're not.


Maybe we're just two guys
who used to be best friends.


[cell phone dings]


[Leo on message] You heard the ding,
now move your thing.


Oh, you wouldn't dare.


[dance music playing]


Hey, LJ.


Is your dad still mad?
'Cause mine is.


Oh, yeah. And it was not fun
sharing a room with him.


Watching him dance his pain
away was very awkward.


The two knuckleheads still not talking?


Nope. But I'm sure you've seen Dad
and Leo fight like this before, right?


Sure. They almost came to blows once
over a half-finished time machine.


But they aren't kids anymore.
I don't think we can solve this


by sticking them in a closet
with last year's calendar.


-I guess they won't be needing this stuff.
-What is it?


A bunch of stuff I saved
from when your dads were young.


I thought they'd get a kick
out of going through it.


A lot of beautiful memories.


I guess I'll toss it.


-Grandma!
-What? It's heavy.


I'll put it away.


I can't let you leave
with our dads not talking.


We have to figure something out.


-Hello, something.
-What is it?


A real time machine.


Dude! What's wrong?


I'm sorry, man. I blew it.


I passed the interview.


What? How could you?


The woman got inside my head.


Before I could stop myself,
I was sounding intelligent.


So, what's with the camera?


We're gonna make a friendship pact.


So even though I'm going
to a different school,


we'll always be best friends.


Great idea! Now we'll have this
for the rest of our lives.


That's right.


Video cassettes ain't going nowhere.


I don't know, Syd.


Come on, Dad.


Since the rest
of your birthday got messed up,


I thought celebrating at the
old arcade would cheer you up.


Look, I appreciate your effort.


I just don't know
that I'm comfortable here.


Why? Because you're the only one
with a double-digit birthday?


Look, that kid's turning .


No, wait. That's twins turning one.


It's just the last thing
I want to think about is Leo.


I mean, that's where Leo and I
first played Crush-A-Mole.


That's where Leo and I
first played Bodacious Boarders.


That's where Leo and I
first played Alley Fighters .


We b*at up so many people in that alley.


Happy birthday, birthday boy!


Remember, you're not getting older,
you're just looking sillier.


Happy birthday, Mr. R.


Thank you, Olive.


Oh! Pizza.


Okay, now you've seen the place.
Let's go.


Come on, Dad.


You promised.


All you've ever done
is talk about the old arcade.


What are you doing here?


I'm celebrating my birthday.
What are you doing here?


LJ said he wanted to see the place.


Wait a second.


They're on to us, LJ!
Cue the video.


On it!



-You ready?
-Ready.


Hey, that's us.


I, Leonard Lawrence Webb...


And I, Maxwell Keith Reynolds,
due solemnly swear...


That we will be best friends
even when I go to private school.


What about high school?


Best friends.


What about when we go to college?


Best friends.


What if there's a zombie apocalypse


and one of us becomes a zombie?


I promise I'll bite you
and we'll be zombies together.


Cool.


What if we get married and have wives?


Stop making things up.


The point is,
you'll always be my best friend.


And you'll be mine.


[Max]No matter where we live,


we'll phone, we'll write...


We'll page, we'll fax...


-Promise, dude?
-Promise.


[both spit]


[both] Eww!


I forgot we made that.


Me too.


We were just kids.


Yeah, but maybe we were wiser
then than we are now.


-I'm sorry, man.
-No, I am.


Maybe we both forgot
what's most important, us.


From now on, we won't.


-Promise?
-Promise.


Let's skip the spit
and go right for the hug.


-Yeah, good idea.
-Okay.


Dad, I didn't know
you went to private school.


I didn't. The place b*rned down
during winter break.


Yeah.


What? I didn't do it.


So, Uncle Leo, you think you can stay
for my dad's birthday?


Only if I can clobber him
in a few arcade games.


They've still got Fighters Of Fury.


-You're on.
-I'm first.


-Arm wrestle you for it.
-Better yet, dance off.


-Best birthday ever.
-Thanks, Dad.


Wow, Syd.


This was amazing.


-How are you gonna top it next year?
-I can't.


All I know is whatever I want
for my next birthday, I'm getting it.


-You ready?
-Ready.


I, Sydney Wallace Reynolds...


And I, Olive Anne Rozalski...


do solemnly swear...


That no matter where we are...


We will always be best friends.


Even when I'm a famous rock star.


Or when I'm a celebrity
llama wrangler--


For a famous rock star.


We will still be best friends.


-Promise?
-Promise.


vHow are we gonna seal the deal?


I'm not spitting and shaking.


-High five?
-Not special enough.


Maybe we should have
written this out.


I'll go get my glitter pens.


[man] Oh, yeah!