15x02 - The Art of the Prank

[bunniefuu]

Keeping
Up with the Kardashians...

We are gonna do our family
Christmas card this year.

I'll make it so easy for
everyone.

KOURTNEY: I just have a lot
going on right now.

KIM: Kourtney is making this
so hard.

KOURTNEY: I'm leaving at
: p.m. and I don't care what

anyone says.
KIM: No one wants you in the

(bleep) sh**t so get the (bleep)
out of here.

Then get the (bleep) out of here
and go!

She's the least exciting to look
at.

KOURTNEY: I cannot be around
you when you're just (bleep) a

bitch! ]] KHLOE: This is not the

(bleep) holiday spirit.
KOURTNEY: I just don't have

time for this sh**t today. ♪ ♪

KENDALL: Where's Kourtney?
KIM: I really hope Kourtney

was gonna get over herself, but
she didn't, so I don't think

she's big on family, 'cause if
she was, she would be at my

shower.

♪ ♪

NORTH: I want gummies.
KIM: After I do work, you're

gonna watch me on the TV, I'm
going to have to go do one more

work thing. JAMES: Hey! James.

Nice to meet you.
TRACY: Good to see you.

JAMES: How are you doing? Hi.
How are you? What a pleasure.

How are you doing? How are you?

KIM: I was trying to explain,
this is Biggie.

Just close your eyes and think
of Biggie.

JAMES: (laughs) There you go.
It is.

KIM: Listen, listen.
JAMES: I can't even remember

any of my lines.
KIM: That's Biggie!

JAMES: It is Biggie. Trolls.

JAMES: Are you a fan of Trolls?

KIM: Yeah, you love Poppy.
JAMES: Oh, we all love Poppy.

KIM: Right?
JAMES: How's it all going?

KIM: Good.
JAMES: Can I eat some of

these blueberries? ]] KIM: Yeah.

JAMES: Thank you.
Keeping Up with the.

Kardashians? ]] KIM: Yeah.

JAMES: Oh, we are. How are you?

KIM: I'm good.
JAMES: It was so lovely

seeing you the other night.
KIM: We're beefing with.

Kourtney right now, so...
JAMES: Oh, are we?

KIM: So everything's, like,
to Kourtney, yeah.

JAMES: Are we beefing?
Why? What's happened?

KIM: (sighs) Kourtney is
just... Got a new boyfriend and

a new therapist and I don't know
which one's the problem...

JAMES: Oh, geez.
KIM: But she's a different

human being. ]] JAMES: Oh, no.

KIM: She's so...
JAMES: What are we gonna do?

KIM: Nasty to us. JAMES: (gasps)

Maybe I could mediate this.
Maybe I could be the person to

really build this bridge.
Very much appreciate you being

here. KIM: Thank you, of course.

JAMES: Thank you very much.
And we will, uh, we'll have lots

of fun.
We're playing this game to

finish, right?
KIM: Yeah, wh... oh! Oh, yeah.

JAMES: Yeah, okay, great.
KIM: Oh, (bleep).

JAMES: It's fun. It's real fun.

You'll love it.
KIM: Northie, guess what he's

gonna try to... wait, there's no
spiders in there, is there?

JAMES: No. No, no, no.
(laughter)

Are you scared of spiders?
'Cause I can order some now.

KIM: No! I love spiders.
JAMES: (laughs) If you're

really... if you're really
scared of spiders...

KIM: I'm not scared of spiders.

JAMES: Okay, I'm gonna order
some now.

KIM: I love them. Northie,
he's gonna scare me with

spiders later!
JAMES: (laughs) No, there's

no spiders, I promise.
KIM: He's gonna scare me with

spiders! ]] JAMES: I promise.

KIM: Say, "No spiders with my
mom!"

JAMES: See you soon.
See you later, Mr. Dinkles!

(Tracy chuckles) ♪ ♪

KENDALL: Hi, how are you?
See, like, someone cut up that

plant.
Was that supposed to happen?

This, like, green, weird plant
thing over here?

WOMAN: Yeah, somebody cut it.
KENDALL: Were they supposed

to or...? ]] WOMAN: No.

KENDALL: I am really excited.
I just got a new house.

It's in a safer place than my
last one, but it's under

construction right now.
CONTRACTOR: We literally have

to make a pretty substantial
trench here.

KENDALL: Mm-hmm.
CONTRACTOR: And then we have

to waterproof this wall.
KENDALL: Every day I come to

this house, there's always a new
issue, um, that ends up needing

fixing.
CONTRACTOR: This is illegal.

You're supposed to have a
straight pipe that... I don't

know why they went around,
but... and then they did this

again.
So, this is another one. Yeah.

Cut through the studs.
Another one.

So, we have them over there.
We have them over here.

I don't know what, I don't know
why.

KENDALL: It will be good, I
just... I'm ready to be in it.

I'm sick of waiting.
CONTRACTOR: It'll look

great when it's all done.
KENDALL: Thank you so much.

WOMAN: Thank you so much,
Kendall, absolutely.

♪ ♪

(ringtone plays)
KHLOE: Cute, baby.

TRISTAN: Like, summertime,
babe. Summertime.

KHLOE: Oh, my God, my mom
looks amazing.

KRIS: Oh, hi.
TRISTAN: Where's your mom?

KHLOE: She's right here, look
how hot she looks.

KRIS: Hey, hey!
TRISTAN: Wow! Sexy.

KHLOE: Wow. Oh.
TRISTAN: Look at her.

KHLOE: She just shaked her
boobs for you.

KRIS: Well, it was my body.
KHLOE: She was shaking her...

KRIS: It's just that those
start shaking first 'cause I'm

so old.
KHLOE: She was shaking her

tits.
All right, well, I love you

guys, I'll call you guys later.
The boss is here.

TRISTAN: All right.
KHLOE: Bye, babe.

KRIS: Bye.
KHLOE: What are those gold

things?
Are those, like, ceramic?

KRIS: Those are Jeff Koons.
KHLOE: I don't know what a.

Jeff Koons is.
KRIS: He's famous for the.

Balloon Dog. ♪ ♪

You need to go to art, like, an
art class.

♪ ♪
KHLOE: Just because I'm not

as knowledgeable as you, you
shouldn't turn your nose up.

You should be like, "Well,
Khloe, Jeff Koons is..." instead

of making me feel less than and
uneducated.

My mom has not known about art
for years and years.

She's just learning about art.
Which is great, but you can't

art-shame people just because
they know less than you.

I'm your (bleep) daughter and
you're art-shaming me and it's

mean.
I don't understand why people

like to make everyone feel like
(bleep).

KRIS: Sorry. It's a Jeff
Koons. K-O-O-N-S.

KHLOE: You didn't even know.
"Stop. Do not enter."

Why mustn't we enter that door?
KRIS: Because it's where we

print out a lot of stuff.
KHLOE: Now I just want to go

in there just 'cause it tells me
not to.

♪ ♪

KENDALL: Oh, hi-ya.
KIM: How are you?

KENDALL: Good.
KIM: I don't know how this

curly hair's gonna look.
What do you think?

KENDALL: For what?
KIM: Just for the day, but

I'm going to, like, a Katy Perry
concert.

I feel like the kids will love
it.

KENDALL: Yeah, they're so
excited.

They were just talking about it.
KIM: Yeah.

KENDALL: I just bought a new
house and now I'm renovating it

and I was hoping my house
wouldn't sell too fast 'cause I

would, like, be able to stay in
it for a while...

KIM: Yeah?
KENDALL: Till the next

one was done and I just sold it.
(Kim gasps)

Which is a good thing.
It's like a good and a bad

thing, but... ]] KIM: Yeah.

KENDALL: Um, it's just annoying.

Now I don't know where I'm
gonna live.

KIM: When do you have to move
in?

KENDALL: Like, in a week or two.

KIM: I mean, you can come and
stay with me 'cause we're gonna

move out soon.
KENDALL: That's actually

kind of perfect.
KIM: Why not? It'll be easy.

KENDALL: Thank God I have
three million family members so

that I could run to the next one
for a house to st... to live in.

(chuckles)
KIM: Seriously. You could

always move in with Rob now.
KENDALL: If I was an only

child...
KIM: I think about it all the

time. ]] KENDALL: Like, what?

What would I do with myself?
KIM: Yeah.

KENDALL: That would be really
nice.

Kourt is so funny... what is this
photo she posted?

KIM: What is it?
KENDALL: Like a selfie of her

through a mirror and her thong
is fully sticking out.

KIM: I bet she loves it. ♪ ♪

SCOTT: Hello!
Did you ever think you'd, like,

really, like, be in love like
this? It's so cool.

KHLOE: No, I mean, I don't know.

You just love, like, differently
every time.

SCOTT: And he wants to have
another baby, right?

KHLOE: Right away, which I
just said, can we just...

SCOTT: I'm telling you, I
would just knock it out.

KHLOE: Why?
SCOTT: Who wants to deal with

getting the revenge back on?
KHLOE: I kind of do.

SCOTT: And then... Why?
So you get one little bikini

pop off? One little ass sh*t?

One little Insta.
KHLOE: I don't do it for the

ass sh*ts like that.
SCOTT: No, no. You could.

Tristan. Guy makes me melt.
KHLOE: He makes me melt.

SCOTT: So, so, can somebody
tell me what happened?

KHLOE: Oh, she's such a bitch.

KIM: It's been World w*r III
here.

KHLOE: So, for the past eight
months, Kourtney is late every

day. KIM: Filming. Like, has no

concern.
SCOTT: Something's going on.

KIM: I think her therapist is
a lunatic.

KHLOE: Yeah, psychotic.
KIM: We got into this big

fight and she says, "My
therapist told me that this"

would happen and you would act
this way."

SCOTT: She did that to me, too.

She said her therapist said
what she is doing is right, but

if I were to do anything similar
to what she's doing, it's not

right.
And I was like, "Ah. Okay. Good"

to know."
KHLOE: We need to find this

therapist and I want to say,
like, "Listen, bitch, do you"

even know me?"
KIM: If you're watching, we

hate you.
KHLOE: Hate you, hate you.

KIM: Khloe and I have not
spoken to Kourtney since the big

blowout.
We've realized that there

definitely are some hidden
issues that are really deep that

we have to sort out.
I think we just need someone

professional to help us work it
out, just not Kourtney's

therapist.
KHLOE: She's just a raging

lunatic.
SCOTT: Somebody should get

to the bottom of it before she
kills one of us.

♪ ♪
KENDALL: It's my birthday at

Petite. ]] KIM: Happy birthday!

KHLOE: We don't talk anything
through.

That's just what this family
does.

I want to (bleep) punch that
smile off her (bleep) face.

You could (bleep) off.
KIM: The way that you

communicate...
KOURTNEY: What do people

not understand?
Khloe just pushes and pushes;

I'm not up for it.

♪ ♪

MARINA: Hi! ]] KIM: Hey.

MARINA: Nice to see you again.

KIM: So nice to see you.
How are you?

MARINA: Good, good. JOSH: Hi.

KIM: Hi, guys.
JOSH: What's up, Blondie?

MAN: Hi, how are you?
KIM: I know, right?

It's probably weird for you.
JOSH: Really weird.

KIM: That I'm blonde.
Do you find it hard to, like,

make it? MARINA: I love blondes.

I'm blonde myself. (Chuckles)
KIM: Yeah.

Our Bel Air house... we have
been living here for the past,

like, year and a half, two
years, while we finish up our

house in Calabasas.
But this amazing lady, Marina,

called and said she fell in love
with the house and wanted to buy

it, so it was really an offer I
couldn't refuse.

She wanted to look at the house
today, so I'm really looking

forward to showing her the home.
MARINA: You're my inspiration

for the beauty. (Laughs)
KIM: Oh, thank you.

MARINA: Like, I like
these dresses, you know, very

tight and sexy.
KIM: Oh, I love it.

I could show you out here.
It's so much fun when we

do parties. It's always so calm.

MARINA: It's so inspiring,
when I walked in, I was like,

okay, this is my place.
KIM: Yeah.

MARINA: And when I walked in
and then I heard your voice, I

was like, oh?
Is Kimberly Kardashian in the

house? ]] KIM: Yeah.

MARINA: It was, like, so
lovely, you know?

KIM: Oh, thank you.
MARINA: I like the house

before meeting you, but then it
was like, oh, my God.

You're welcome to stop by
anytime.

KIM: Oh, thanks. I will.
MARINA: I'll keep it as your

museum, guys.
KIM: So when are you planning

on moving in?
MARINA: I think in two weeks.

KIM: Wow.

Inside, I'm kind of freaking out
a little bit because that means

I have two weeks to get out of
the house and pack up.

Everything is moving a lot
quicker than I anticipated.

MARINA: All righty, so I'll go.

KIM: Perfect. Thank you.
MARINA: Thank you...

KIM: I know you're gonna
really enjoy this house.

MARINA: I know I will, and I
hope to see you again for

dinner. KIM: For sure, for sure.

MARINA: Okay, let me know. ♪ ♪

KHLOE: Hello! ]] SCOTT: Hi...

KHLOE: Hi!
Oh, you're on the phone.

Hello. ]] CHRIS: Hi.

SCOTT: That's absolutely
insane, but I'm literally...

KHLOE: That's absolutely insane.

Never do a deal with her again,
and you know who I'm talking

about.
SCOTT: All right, yeah, I'm

gonna call you in a sec 'cause I
want to hear the rest of that

story, that sounds ridiculous.
KHLOE: Okay but not now, we

got to go.
WOMAN (over phone): Okay.

SCOTT: Hey, hi. KHLOE: Anyway.

SCOTT: What's been going on?
KHLOE: Mom was, like, we were

in her office, there was like,
this balloon dog or something,

and I said, like, "What is
that?"

"You don't know this is a
Jeff Koons?"

And I was like, "I didn't know
that."

SCOTT: You don't say you know
about art, and go in there,

like, "Oh, I know it all."
KHLOE (English accent): I

know what a Jeff Koons is, oh,
my God.

SCOTT: So what did you say?
Were you like, "Mom, that's just"

kind of mean"?
KHLOE: No, I was just like,

"Stop art-shaming me."
And then she, I think she said

his name was Jeff Koontz, or
something.

SCOTT: She art...
She art-shamed you?

CHRIS (laughing): Yeah.
KHLOE: She said his name

was... Yeah. (Laughs)
SCOTT: We could sue her.

KHLOE: We can.
SCOTT: Do you want to get a

lawyer on the line?
KHLOE: No, I want to

art-shame her back.
SCOTT: So, why don't we get,

like, a fake Basquiat?
KHLOE: Why don't we just make

up someone that's totally not
real?

SCOTT: Art Vandelay. KHLOE: Yes.

Why don't we have...
SCOTT: Art Vandelay is your

piece. Hundred percent.

KHLOE: We could have the kids
even make something.

Have the kids paint it.
SCOTT: Piss on it.

KHLOE: And then hang it on
the wall.

SCOTT: And then say, "I just
got a new Art Vandelay"

"painting." ]] KHLOE: Yes.

SCOTT: "I wanted to show it
off to you."

KHLOE: And have... yes.
Scott never lets me down when it

comes to a prank.
We love pranking my mom, and

it's gonna be perfect.
Anything someone says is the

coolest.
That's why from me, she wouldn't

think it's cool, but if you were
like, "I have this magical..."

SCOTT: Oh, my God, Jeff
Koons's new butterfly?

CHRIS: Isn't that beautiful?
(laughter)

KHLOE: She would go crazy. ♪ ♪

What's going on?
KOURTNEY: Hello.

KHLOE: Well? ]] KOURTNEY: Mm.

KHLOE: Are you eating raw
meat or is it cooked?

KOURTNEY: I don't know.
KIM: It's cooked.

KHLOE: Oh, good.
KIM: Okay, here's the

reality, guys.
KHLOE (laughing): Oh, my God.

KOURTNEY: Hmm?
KIM: I get straight to the

point. We all have different

realities of what goes on when
we have our fight.

KHLOE: Mm-hmm.
KIM: We all communicate

really weird and we just don't
ever express what's really

bothering us.
We all walk on eggshells around

each other.
KOURTNEY: I don't think we

walk on eggshells.
KIM: Well, we're all going to

therapy together.
So, it's happening.

KOURTNEY: But why?
KIM: Because we all need to

communicate with a mediator, and
we don't have that mediator.

KOURTNEY: You guys make fun
of me for going.

KHLOE: We don't make fun of
you for going to therapy.

We make fun of you for literally
hating us because of your

therapist now.
KOURTNEY: I don't hate you

because of my therapist.
KHLOE: You hate me because of

what, then?
KOURTNEY: I don't hate you.

KHLOE: Thank you.
KOURTNEY: And my therapist

just said, this will start to
happen.

People that you're close to,
you'll probably, like, have

some arguments with them.
I don't really think we need to

go to therapy, to be honest, to
solve our problems.

I think we should just talk.
KHLOE: You're the one who I

think has the communication
issue.

KOURTNEY: Just me?

KHLOE: We always just, like,
sweep things under the rug, we

don't talk anything through.
That's just what this family

does.

In therapy, are you on your
phone?

Or do you give your therapist
attention?

KOURTNEY: Hmm.
KHLOE: If you were listening,

instead of zooming in on some
picture, you would've known what

I was saying.
So if you don't care to fix

relationships with your sister,
that's... I can't force you to.

KOURTNEY: Um... hold on.

KHLOE: I'm trying to talk it
out with her, but instead of

actually talking it out, she's
editing a photo on her phone.

And with this ridiculous smile
on her face?

I want to (bleep) punch that
smile off her (bleep) face.

Okay, well, I'm not investing
myself, so you can (bleep) off

then. ]] KHLOE: Hi, how are you?

SCOTT: Meet Art Vandelay.
RICHARDSON: Art Vandelay,

nice to meet you. KHLOE: Khloe.

I've heard so much about you.
KRIS: You have?

KHLOE: Yeah. Who hasn't?

Of course, my mom wants to
art-shame me in front of

everyone.
Like, she believes this so

deeply.
KRIS: Kim just wrote me a

text that says, "We closed
escrow."

KENDALL: So why hasn't she
told me that she sold her house?

KRIS: She didn't tell you she
sold her house?

KENDALL: No.
Do you have something to tell

me? KIM: Wait, I don't have any

service in here.
I'll call you when I leave.

KENDALL: What?
She's gonna have to come clean

whether she likes it or not.

♪ ♪

KIM: Okay.

Ditto.

So weird, like, her little
smirk.

KHLOE: No, but if you don't
care to fix the problem,

why are you even here?
Don't be with us then, if

you're gonna be on your phone
the whole time.

If it's that comical to you,
then get out.

KIM: Yeah. She wants to like...

KOURTNEY: I just don't have
the energy to sit here...

KIM: What is she crying about?

KHLOE: She crying again?
KOURTNEY: I have boundaries.

I can't put myself in anxious
environments.

This is exactly why my sisters
and I haven't been getting

along.
Because they just don't have my

back and they don't take my
feelings into consideration.

I don't even want be around my
sisters because it just gives me

anxiety.
KHLOE: Should I go talk to

her?
I'm going in the other room.

KIM: Look, Khloe's really upset.

The way that you communicate...
KOURTNEY: But what do people

not understand?
Like, Khloe just pushes and

pushes; I'm not up for it.

It's just not cool.
KIM: Well, it's not cool that

you come over here with such an
attitude.

KOURTNEY: I didn't, I came in
on time in a great mood.

But then everybody makes fun
of me.

KIM: We feel like you're not
compromising in so many areas.

KOURTNEY: If that's my
boundary, why is that not

compromising? (Bleep), like, no.

I'm not up for it today.
(door slams)

♪ ♪

KRIS: You have the cutest boobs.

You're so lucky, I'm a little
jealous.

KENDALL: Hmm. (Phone chimes)

KRIS: Kim just wrote me a
text that says, "We closed"

"escrow." ]] KENDALL: On what?

KRIS: On her house.
KRIS: Meaning, "donezo."

KENDALL: So why hasn't she
told me that she sold her house?

KRIS: She didn't tell you she
sold her house?

KENDALL: No.
Now I have nowhere to live.

That's cool.
KRIS: She's got to move.

KENDALL: I'm gonna call her.
(line ringing)

KIM: Hey. KENDALL: Do you have

something to tell me?
Did you sell your house?

KIM: Wait, I don't have any
service in here.

I'll call you when I leave.
KENDALL: What?

KIM: No, no, I hardly can...
KENDALL: I... Okay.

KRIS: Yeah, well, just talk.
KENDALL: Oh, oh.

KIM: Okay, bye. (Line beeping)

KRIS: Wait, she just hung up
on you.

KENDALL: Yeah, that's crazy.
KRIS: She totally has service

and just did that.
She sounded fine.

KENDALL: Kim definitely has
moments where she likes to dodge

confrontation.
Especially when she feels like

it might be an awkward
conversation to have.

KRIS: So where are you gonna
live for two weeks, or

whatever you need?
KENDALL: I need, like, two

months.
She's gonna have to come clean

whether she likes it or not.
I mean, if I have to corner her,

I will.
Okay, I'm gonna go figure out

where I'm living.
KRIS: You could always move

in here. Come back.

♪ ♪

KRIS: Do you happen to know
where Khloe's baby book is?

Baby book.
Like, you know, "She was"

"born at..." you know.
KHLOE: I don't think I have

one. ]] KRIS: Can you check?

PRODUCER: I'll check, yeah.
KRIS: 'Cause I mean, the

whole production's gonna be shut
down until I find my baby books.

Literally. I'm just...
KHLOE: Okay, okay, okay, God.

You guys are just wild these
days; It's too much.

KRIS: Well, this is very
important.

So, what happened today?
KHLOE: Kourtney cannot handle

having any sort of
responsibility.

She's on her own schedule, shows
up on her own time, does her own

thing, and then, when she's
here, she's not present.

Listen, there's two new things
in her life: Boyfriend and her

therapist.
Ever since then, she's been a

raging bitch and instead of her
owning it or whatever, she takes

it out on everyone else.
It's so rude, just, it's not how

you raised any of us.
KRIS: Are you guys

communicating with her in a way
that's healthy?

Like, that she... that...
KHLOE: Oh, we've said it...

KRIS: You can get through?
KHLOE: We've said it in so

many different ways.
She's so not engaged, and I

think that's what infuriates
everyone, I think everyone just

has a breaking point. KRIS: Hmm.

Well, that makes me sad.
KHLOE: Kourtney has to look

and reflect at herself.
She's upsetting...

KRIS: Listen, it's... the
saying goes: "You're only as"

happy as your least favorite
child."

KHLOE: Is that a saying?
KRIS: Yes, it is.

KHLOE: I don't think that's
true.

KRIS: You're only as happy...
KHLOE: That's not a true

saying.
KRIS: I think it was a Maya.

Angelou.
KHLOE: Okay, Maya Angelou

doesn't say everything you
think.

KRIS: No, "You're only as
happy as your least happy"

"child." KHLOE: Mm. You said...

KRIS: Did I say "favorite"?
KHLOE: You said "your least

"favorite child" the first time.
KRIS: Oh, well.

KHLOE: Must be how you're
feeling.

KRIS: Yeah. (Chuckles)
KHLOE: Is this the book

you're thinking?
KRIS: I can't...

KHLOE: It says, "Oh, Boy..."
You thought I was a boy?

Okay, they found it.
KRIS: God, yes!

You had long hands and fingers.
KHLOE: Thank God you didn't

have to stop production. ♪ ♪

SCOTT: Hey.
RICHARDSON: Hey, what's up?

SCOTT: How are you?
Hey, man, thank you.

RICHARDSON: Good to see you.
SCOTT: Hey, how are you?

How's it going? ]] MAN: Good.

SCOTT: So, are you getting
ready to pretend that you're a

very famous artist?
RICHARDSON: Absolutely.

SCOTT: Today will be the day
that we introduce Kris to this

artist.
And, hopefully, everything goes

well and she falls for it.
Just throw in, like, every term

you can find.
I mean, you have to remember

here, this guy has absolutely
no knowledge of art.

The only thing he knows is how
to basically pretend that he

knows.
I'm gonna call you Art Vandelay.

KRIS: Hi.
SCOTT: This is Art, by the

way. ]] KRIS: Hi.

RICHARDSON: Nice to meet you.
KRIS: Your name is Art?

SCOTT: Art Vandelay.
KRIS: And you're in an art

gallery?
SCOTT: No, he's an artist.

KRIS: And you're an artist?
RICHARDSON: Yeah.

KRIS: And your name is Art?
SCOTT: And this is his

assistant.
KRIS: This is amazing.

Are you going to Art Basel again
this year?

SCOTT: Of course.
RICHARDSON: Absolutely.

KRIS: Good.
RICHARDSON: Absolutely.

SCOTT: G . ]] KRIS: What?

SCOTT: This guy's k*lling it.
Art Vandelay does seem to be an

up-and-coming artist in our
eyes.

Hopefully everything goes well
and Kris falls for it, which I

assume she will, if I know her.
MAN: Very up-and-coming.

KRIS: Wow.

KENDALL: Do you have
something to tell me?

KIM: About what?
KENDALL: About your house.

KIM: I hate confrontation!
KHLOE: I do feel a major

disconnect between her and I,
like, specifically.

I don't know what it is, but I
feel like she is annoyed with

me. ]] KOURTNEY: I don't want to

spend my time around people that
are mean.

♪ ♪

RICHARDSON: I'm loving these
over here.

KRIS: Yeah, they're cool.
RICHARDSON: Obviously, you

can see... ]] KRIS: Oh.

RICHARDSON: The multiplicity
of it.

KRIS: Oh, wow.
RICHARDSON: Right?

KRIS: That is so cool.
RICHARDSON: It's outstanding.

MAN: Right? ]] KRIS: Huh.

RICHARDSON: Yeah.
SCOTT: Kris is eating it up

and definitely thinks that Art
Vandelay...

RICHARDSON: Here's another
X-ray.

SCOTT: Is some kind of
real, uh, artist.

I mean, it looks as if she's
talking to the next Picasso.

You know last year he worked
with Robert Rodriguez.

KRIS: Oh, you did?
SCOTT: Unbelievable artist.

RICHARDSON: Mm-hmm.
SCOTT: Peter Galliano, he

worked with. ]] MAN: Oh, yes,

Galiano's very hot right now.
SCOTT: Unbelievable.

KRIS: Yeah.
SCOTT: Kris is pretty funny

when you get her going because
if you basically drop any kind

of French or Italian-style name
that sounds elegant, she'll just

make pretend she knows them.
KRIS: I love Ed Ruscha

because I love words.
SCOTT: Okay. Of course.

RICHARDSON: Yeah? KHLOE: Hi.

KRIS: Hi! How are you?
SCOTT: I think the only

thing that would give this away
is if I just literally start

dying of laughter, which is
possible because this is very

funny.
KHLOE: Wow, all dressed up

for the art gallery?
KRIS: Wow. Well, yeah.

It's a fancy day...
KHLOE: Hi, how are you?

SCOTT: This is Art Vandelay.
RICHARDSON: Art Vandelay,

nice to meet you.
KHLOE: Nice to see you.

MAN: I'm his assistant,
nice to meet you.

KHLOE: I've heard so much
about you.

RICHARDSON: Oh, thank you.
KHLOE: Yeah.

RICHARDSON: Thank you.
KRIS: You have?

KHLOE: Yeah. Who hasn't?
I'm here to learn.

KRIS: I mean, the fact that
you are excited about meeting an

artist makes my heart pound.
I love this, a little culture,

a little art. RICHARDSON: Yeah.

KRIS: Are you gonna go to Art
Basel this year, Khloe?

SCOTT: Yeah, obviously.
KHLOE: No.

KRIS: Do you know what Art
Basel is?

KHLOE: Yeah, I mean, you just
learned one year ago, so...

SCOTT: Wow.
KHLOE: Of course my mom wants

to art-shame me in front of
everyone.

I can't really hold a straight
face.

SCOTT: Could we take a pic
together for Instagram?

RICHARDSON: Please.
KRIS: Yeah, we thought you

wanted us in it, but it's okay.
SCOTT: No.

KHLOE: So cool. One, two...
It's so good.

It's really so good.
Like, she believes this

so deeply.
With everything going on with.

Kourt, and me and my sisters
fighting, this is just the

medicine I need.
RICHARDSON: If you'd like an

original, I mean, you know,
I-I love to kind of collaborate

with a client.
KRIS: Let's think about that.

RICHARDSON: Think on it.
KRIS: Okay, thank you.

RICHARDSON: Thank you, take
care.

KRIS: Bye. Pleasure to meet you.

RICHARDSON: You, too.
KHLOE: Do you really not know

who that is? (Kris mouths)

SCOTT: How?
He's like the hottest

up-and-coming...
KHLOE: My thing is, you

don't talk to people like that.
SCOTT: You didn't take your

sunglasses off and look at him
in his eyes.

KRIS: Oh, because my makeup
looks like (bleep).

KHLOE: But your makeup looks
like (bleep) on your neck.

(Scott laughs)
KHLOE: Not on your eyes.

SCOTT: Not on your face.
KRIS: Should I go give him

a little tongue?
KHLOE: Well, you don't need

to give him a blow job, like...
SCOTT: Ew!

♪ ♪

SCOTT: All righty!
I have our paint supplies

for the night.
KIM: Hey, what are we doing?

SCOTT: What do you mean?
We're making extremely,

extremely famous art for
your mother.

Being that Art Vandelay isn't
really an artist, we have to

take that into our own hands.
KHLOE: Remember how mom was,

like, art-shaming me?
Scott and I were like,

let's art-shame the art-shamer.
SCOTT: She met Art Vandelay.

KIM: Art... wait.
Is Art Vandelay a real person?

SCOTT: No!
KHLOE: He's a guy from.

Seinfeld. ]] SCOTT: (laughs)

He was a made-up guy.
KHLOE: Let's go and do this.

SCOTT: Let's rock and roll.
KHLOE: Okay, come on, Keeks.

Never painted before.
I don't color.

KIM: I'll be the art director.

SCOTT: That's very Kanye West.

KHLOE: I do puzzles. Okay.

SCOTT: Appreciate it.
KIM: It's-it's wrong.

The arm's supposed to go
around your head.

KHLOE: Yeah, that part goes
up there.

SCOTT: Ah.
Never worn one of these.

KIM: Okay, so I think it
should just be really simple.

Like, really stupid.
Literally, like, that's it.

SCOTT: (cackles)
Yo, that (bleep) is dope.

(ringtone playing) The Cor-ster!

KHLOE: Over here!
SCOTT: We're making these

paintings. ]] KHLOE: Over here!

SCOTT: And we're gonna tell
Mama that they're like, this

super exclusive, very
up-and-coming artist.

COREY: And she'll jump on the
cool bandwagon?

SCOTT: Yeah, I-I gotta get
back; She's got an exhibit...

She's on fire right now, Khloe.
KHLOE (laughing): Don't mess

with me.
SCOTT: This girl's good.

Oh, oh! The ol' splatter!

KIM: Ah, you're getting me!
I think splatter's kind of over.

SCOTT: (laughs)
I think she's vibing.

I'd throw some yellow in there.
KIM: Okay, so clearly we're

going for the ugly route.
SCOTT: She's a tough critic.

KHLOE: I'm actually a (bleep)
good-ass artist, okay?

♪ ♪
KIM: Yes.

SCOTT: This is like watching
Picasso.

Ooh. ]] KHLOE: What is this one

called? Black Grass Crying.

The Three Phases of Life.

Fire and Ice. SCOTT: Ooh! Wow.

KIM: It's good. KHLOE: Yes.

SCOTT: Wow.
KIM: So, I need to get Kanye

a Christmas present, and since
we're moving, I think I should

get him a piece of art.
KRIS: I met this guy today,

that Scott introduced me to
called Art somebody.

And he's supposed to be, like,
a big deal.

(Kim whispering indistinctly)
And I... Khloe and Scott

got mad at me because I didn't
know who this new artist was.

Hello? SCOTT: Do you want to go

inside and wash your hands, Art
Vandelay?

KHLOE: Do I... a real artist
wouldn't wash their hands.

Right? ]] SCOTT: I mean, I think

artists wash their hands.
KIM: Sorry, your-your

service must be out.
Wait, is this this new guy.

Art Vandelay? ]] KRIS: Yeah.

I don't know how important
he is.

You need to ask somebody.
Got to go. Bye.

KIM: Oh, my God.
She's dead serious.

♪ ♪

KENDALL: It's my birthday at
Petite.

Kim has been avoiding me for
a couple days.

But she can't avoid me here.
KIM: Happy birthday!

Are you so excited?
KENDALL: Thanks!

Uh, yeah.
Do you have something to tell

me? ]] KIM: About what?

KENDALL: About your house.
KIM: Ah!

I don't want to go through this.
I hate confrontation!

KENDALL: I know, so do I.
KIM: Escrow closed already.

KENDALL: Oh, my God.
KIM: I have to be out in two

weeks.
KENDALL: Why didn't you tell

me? KIM: 'Cause I was so scared.

I felt like I gave you this
shelter and I was taking it

away, and you were gonna be...
KENDALL: No.

Oh, my God, like, I'm not
tripping.

I'll figure something else out.
KIM: If I think about it,

obviously you're going to get
way more stressed out the longer

I wait, the less time you have.
KENDALL: Yeah.

KIM: So, I get it.
But I just, like, haven't had

the, like, courage to tell you.
KENDALL: Don't you think

telling me sooner would've just
caused me a little bit less

stress? (Laughs)
KIM: Yeah, I do.

I really just (bleep) up there.
KENDALL: It would have been

nice, but whatever.
At least you can admit it.

KIM: I can.
All right, I love you.

Thank you for understanding.
KENDALL: It's all good. Cool.

♪ ♪

(line ringing) ]] KHLOE: Hello?

KIM: Hey. What are you doing?

KHLOE: Um, not much.
What are you doing?

KIM: Just had a photo sh**t
today.

KHLOE: Oh, girl, you better
get it.

KIM: Have you talked to Kourt?

KHLOE: So, I apologized and
said, "If you don't feel like I"

have your back, then I'll be
more aware of it and I'll, like,

work on that."
But what is our plan with.

Kourt, though?
I mean, I don't know what to do.

I really don't.
I've never seen her like this.

KIM: I mean, I feel bad that,
you know, I definitely was crazy

rude to her.
And I, you know, overreacted,

so I want to, like, apologize
to her and go to therapy

with her; So I think that's
what we should do.

KHLOE: Is this with her real
therapist or a different

therapist?
KIM: A different therapist.

Because her real therapist
clearly hates us.

KHLOE (laughing): Clearly.
KIM: Kourtney finally came

around and agreed to sister
therapy.

I mean, I am worried that
it's just gonna be another

huge blowout.
But hopefully we all come

into this with the mindset
that we just want to get this

off of, you know, our chests and
move on.

All right, I gotta go.
KHLOE: Okay. I love you.

KIM: I love you. Bye.
SCOTT: When are you willing

to get back to work?
(Khloe sighs)

Shall we? Holy... yes! Yes!

It's like watching Jesus work.
KHLOE: I feel like an

artist's work is never done.
SCOTT: Never.

KOURTNEY: You guys, like,
aren't, like, happy for me.

Like, genuinely, it's like
everything is more important.

Work's more important.
KIM: The reality is, she was

really rude, and it's like you
can't deny that.

♪ ♪

SCOTT: I come bearing some
gifts.

KHLOE: Oh!
SCOTT: Remember... remember

that new artist that I
introduced you to?

KRIS: Yes! Art.
SCOTT: Art Vandelay.

We were lucky enough, and he was
cool enough... he was like, "I'll"

make a couple pieces, and if
your mother-in-law wants one..."

KRIS: Stop.
SCOTT: I don't know, I mean.

KRIS: What? Yay...
SCOTT: And, Khloe, maybe if

you like one...
COREY: This is what Wes Lane

was telling me about, this guy,
the other day when I was with

him. SCOTT: I'm excited for her.

KHLOE: Careful. KRIS: What? Ooh.

KHLOE: Oh, my God, he framed it?

SCOTT: Oh, that (bleep) is sick.

KRIS: This is so good.
KHLOE: I'm so proud of

myself, actually, and I'm almost
pissed that I'm giving the

credit to Art Vandelay.
SCOTT: Wow.

KRIS: No, nope, nope.
SCOTT: Look at this.

I mean, you can see the...
The brush strokes are just...

KRIS: What? KHLOE: The detail.

Oh, my God.
SCOTT: Oh, this is, this one

you can tell has depression.
KRIS: Can we call him?

SCOTT: I think he's on a
plane to Switzerland, to be

honest. ]] KRIS: Really?

KHLOE: This really is the
ultimate revenge against

my art-shaming mother.
Hang it, baby, hang the art.

KRIS: He's so talented.
COREY: Why don't you just put

'em both right here?
SCOTT: Right up there?

Like a showcase?
When you walk in?

COREY: Spaced out like a
little space, and they just have

their own ambience. KRIS: Yeah.

I love them. ♪ ♪

(phones clicking)

KHLOE: Hi.
ANITA: Hi, how are you?

KOURTNEY: Hi. KHLOE: I'm Khloe.

ANITA: Hi, Khloe.
KOURTNEY: I'm Kourtney.

ANITA: Hi, Kourtney.
KIM: And I'm Kim.

ANITA: Hi, Kim.
KHLOE: Thanks for coming over

here.
KOURTNEY: I'm here to do this

group therapy with my sisters.
Which I didn't feel like we

needed.
But I think because we just

don't communicate that well,
maybe having somebody else

guide the conversation could be
very helpful.

ANITA: So, what brings you in?

KOURTNEY: I know the answer,
for me.

ANITA: Oh, wow.
KOURTNEY: I think, generally,

we just need to learn how to
communicate better.

I'm the one who invented,
like, mean fighting.

And, like, you know, just
saying...

KHLOE: We can be savages.
KOURTNEY: The meanest...

the meanest things possible.
But I'm just not wanting to

fight like that anymore.
It's like...

I don't want to be mean and I
don't want to... I don't want to

spend my time around people that
are mean.

And putting me down.
Be around people that lift you

up, that make you better, not...
KIM: So, you think you do

that? KOURTNEY: Not that bring

you down. KIM: But you surround

yourself with people that seem
to be the opposite, in my

opinion. KOURTNEY: Who, Larsa?

All she does is, like...
KIM: No, Larsa's great.

KOURTNEY: Be my hype man
all day.

KIM: But you're preaching
that you just want this zen life

and that you're so positive and
you don't want to fight.

But then, most of the time,
you're arguing about stuff that

it's like, "again?" Like, this?

That, like, everyone sees it,
and everyone comments on it.

She's always, like, anxious
and insecure.

KHLOE: But it's also an
insecurity I've never seen from

her before. ]] ANITA: Recently?

KHLOE: Yeah, she is so
confident and so secure, but

just ever since the past few
months where she's been with

this therapist, or... I don't
know what it is, but I feel like

she, like, is angry towards me,
or is annoyed with me.

Kourtney and I have a really
special bond.

I haven't felt that from her in
the past couple months and

that's been frustrating for me,
but I also don't want to put

that all on her shoulders.
That's not all on her shoulders.

But I do feel a major disconnect
between her and I, like,

specifically.
And I would like to understand

what that is.

ANITA: And I'm sure that
worries you.

I mean, it sounds like you guys
had such a nice bond and the

tension is concerning you, and
you miss...

KOURTNEY: I just think you
guys, like, aren't, like, happy

for me. Like, genuinely.

Like, when I'm, like, I'm going
on a trip, like, everything to

you guys... and this is what I
was trying to say to you on the

phone... it's like everything
is... the show is more

important, work's more
important.

Maybe traveling isn't, like,
a priority to you, but it is

to me.
But I feel like you would never

take the time to just go, like,
do something 'cause maybe you

don't want to leave work, maybe
you don't want to do this.

Whatever it is, everyone's,
like, resentful that they need

to, like, pick up more slack, or
something.

KIM: I definitely think
Kourtney is going through

something, but she can't commit
to filming a season and sharing

her life if she's not going to
at all.

We, honestly, want Kourtney to
take her trips.

We want Kourtney to live her
life and do whatever she wants

to do.
But we just want her to be held

accountable and be responsible
that when you take a job and

you're getting paid to do
something, that you honor that.

'Cause all of us do.
ANITA: Do you guys respect

each other's priorities?
KOURTNEY: I think I do.

I think I'm happy that Khloe
lives in Cleveland half the

time, 'cause I know that's where
she wants to be.

And, I mean, whatever Kim has to
do, I think on the day of that

particular sh**t, I agree that I
acted like I didn't care about

all of her stuff, 'cause I truly
didn't.

KIM: She didn't have any
other appointments.

She just wanted to take the day
easy.

KHLOE: I also think it's not
just this one day.

Kourtney, basically, for the
past, like, few months has been

consistently late to work, which
is, you know, there's always an

excuse... this or that.
But we've all been getting

irritated.
Then, when we're like, "What's"

wrong?"
She's like, "Oh, couldn't get it

together, deal with it."
Like, we were feeling very much

like if we could all be here on
time, please make yourself

avail... or when you are here,
be present.

She's been on her phone.
So we were feeling

frustrated with that aspect.
So that was a reoccurring,

daily, kind of nitpicking that
we would all do, or throw little

jabs. ]] ANITA: Mm-hmm.

KHLOE: And I'm sure for
Kourtney, yeah, that got really

annoying to her.
But I think we thought if we

keep doing this, she'll be on
time.

KOURTNEY: I think it's like,
everyone understanding that we

all have different priorities
and, like, working is just...

It's not my top priority.
It's never going to be.

KIM: You were leaving
once a month.

KOURTNEY: But that was a new
relationship, and my boyfriend

was not living in the country.
So if I had to leave for one

week every six weeks, that's
what it was.

And I've been present, and I've
been here, and I've been doing

stuff.
So it's like, to harp on these

old... a two-month period or
something, that's where it hurts

my feelings.
I feel like my sisters

really aren't hearing
what I'm saying, and that we're

focusing on the wrong issues
about me being late, or my

trips.
And I just don't know, like, how

this is gonna change, moving
forward.

♪ ♪

KOURTNEY: I just think
everyone's just selfish and in

their own kind of situation, and
so not really thinking of, like,

how I might be feeling that day,
or I'm not thinking of how this

person might be feeling that
day.

I'm evolving.
I don't want to be the bitchy,

like, not in touch with my
feelings person that I was

before.
ANITA: Is that harder for the

both of you, then, that she is
more in touch with her feelings?

Like, that things have changed?
KIM: No, I think we want her

to be in touch with her
feelings, but I think, like, the

reality is she was really rude,
and, like, you can't deny that.

ANITA: So is there something
that's not being said in here

that you want to share with one
another?

Just something that may have not
even been addressed yet?

KIM: I'm really busy, so just
stay out of my way.

Like, no arguing.
Like, it's just not necessary.

KOURTNEY: I just feel like
everyone just should try to be

happy for each other and, like,
understand that there is, you

know, things that everyone's
going through.

ANITA: When you make
that comment, I actually hear

from that, you're really just
trying to say, let's be

sensitive to each other.
All right?

KHLOE: I'm really trying to
handle this with the best

intentions.
I want to fix our relationship

and just move on.
But I feel like we agreed to

walking on eggshells.
ANITA: How are you guys

feeling with each other right
now?

KHLOE: Kourtney wants
to live in these fake

relationships, so this is gonna
be the fakest one.

I'll walk you to the front door.
ANITA: Thank you.

All right, you guys, bye. ♪ ♪

KIM: Do you care about
comfortable furniture, or you

just want, like, thin little
artsy pieces?

KHLOE: Yeah, it doesn't look
very comfortable.

What happened to that couch that
was there?

I thought it looked great.
KRIS: It's over at Kylie's

house. KHLOE: Of course it is.

Nice mom.
KRIS: So tell me about your

therapy session yesterday with
Kourtney.

KHLOE: So I don't know what
to do with Kourt 'cause I really

feel like she doesn't hear us, I
don't think.

KIM: I think Kourtney is just
going through something, and,

like, it'll even out.
But you got to let someone do

what they want to do.
Whatever Kourtney's going

through, it's just so much
deeper than me and Khloe.

And until Kourtney is ready to
talk about it, I think we can't

push her or try to be
aggressive.

And for me, that's where it's
really frustrating.

She's going through a lot of
life changes right now, and we

just have to let her go through
that.

KHLOE: We're walking on
eggshells around her, like, I

feel like, "So why am I here?
Why did I fly out here?"

I could be doing something else.

♪ ♪

SCOTT: Did you hear that
Matthew is trying to get all the

information of the art because
your mom wants to insure it?

KHLOE: And then, how does she
insure that?

You can't.
Like, when are we telling her?

SCOTT: There is one small
sensitive part of me that feels

somewhat bad because of how
sweet she was when I gave them

to her... "I love you, thank
you," and I'm like...

KHLOE: Let me tell you how
happy I was, 'cause I was proud

of my work.
SCOTT: The truth is, what I

really wanted to talk to you:
When are you willing to get back

to work? (Khloe sighs)

Shall we?
KHLOE: The original plan was

to do, you know, one or two
pieces of art and then tell

her, like, "You've been pranked.
Ha, ha, ha."

But my mom... she's really
buying that this art is, like,

primetime real estate right
here.

So we're gonna keep this going
for as long as we can.

SCOTT: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
KHLOE: I know.

SCOTT: You're just getting
right into it?

Holy (bleep). You still have it.

Whoa. The Black Storm.

KHLOE (chuckling): Scott.
SCOTT: Holy (bleep).

Wow! Wow! ]] KHLOE: Oh, my God!

I did another one! SCOTT: Done.

Done. Stop. Wow.
The old dab'll do ya?

Damn. ]] KHLOE: Don't worry.

I know what I'm doing.
SCOTT: I get it.

It's like watching Jesus work.
Oh, you're really covering the

grounds. Wow.

Oh! It doesn't stop.

Holy... yes. Yes.

This looks like a Chanel piece.
I think you've done what you've

needed to do here.
KHLOE: I feel like an

artist's work is never done.
SCOTT: Never.

KIM: On the next episode...
WOMAN: We're gonna do some

makeup together. ]] MAN: On who?

Kim...
KHLOE: You know I can't eat

all this.
KRIS: Of course you can eat

all that.
KHLOE: She wants me to gain

pounds.
KRIS: It's Krispy Kreme day.

KHLOE: Okay.
SCOTT: We're going into

business and we're starting
right away.

I am professional when I need to
be.

PRODUCER: Scott was out super
late last night, and he is dead

asleep.
KRIS: When you (bleep) up,

you don't just (bleep) up a
little bit.

You (bleep) up.