[Music]
oh good you're home teen will be here
and a half hour we only have time for a
quick quickie my speciality I say we
stop in the kitchen for a can of whipped
cream then head on up to the bedroom oh
are you gonna cover me in whipped cream
if there's any left by the time we get
there sure Tina what are you doing home
I ball drop me off you're supposed to be
your after-school enrichment singie they
don't have that anymore up to the school
cutter program and not tell the parents
they can't hold my bunch of fires well
where'd you put them I gave them to you
where did I put you said mommy's napping
go color on me oh this is terrible do
the best they can no honey I mean that
they cut your program this is where you
get your music in your art and if she
doesn't get her afternoon enrichment we
don't get our afternoon goody two-shoes
Kathy Halverson hasn't done anything
about its president of the PTA you know
she really slept lower save after school
enrichment join Ted and Kathy Halverson
for brownies and brainstorming oh my god
tonight we gotta go ah do we have to i
hate the Halverson's they're so full of
themselves that we shouldn't say bad
things about people and we don't unless
they're jerks stuck-up jerks big fat
stuck-up you understand honey
you to say
[Applause]
I hope we're not the first ones here
that'll make me listen to another one of
his Christian rap CDs by that group
hallelujah oh don't bother knockin let's
get this meeting rockin that's so q*eer
I'll need a lot of beer so it's up to
parents to rally together if we want to
save oh look who's here the Millers we
weren't expecting you well we never miss
anything when it comes to our kids
education oh that's funny I don't
remember seeing you at the book fair we
were sick or the bake sale yeah we are
still sick or Teacher Appreciation Day
lingering illness the important thing is
you're here now uh we're gonna need one
more chair oh I'll get my office chair
it's ergonomic Emily big words ergonomic
i can t just say you got a cheap there
we go I think I gave birth on something
like that well it's pretty simple these
here Fanny here
I'm not responsible for anything that
may happen in this position now if we
put our heads together I'm sure we can
come up with some good fundraising ideas
to save the after-school arts program oh
I have an idea I say we send the kids
out with coffee cans to collect money or
maybe we can raise this money without
turning our children into hobos any
other ideas anybody Judy I've got an
idea happy what if we host a silent
auction now there's a mother who cares
about her children really oh I gotta be
the voice of reason here it's a silent
auction how we gonna hear the bids
called a silent auction because you
write down your bids instead of calling
them out is this just because we have
that one death parent okay so silent
auction it it will break into committees
but first let's all go to the kitchen
and grab some of my homemade
butterscotch brownies judy judy take me
a quarter p
[Applause]
I'm thinking about donating a week at
our timeshare in Florida to the auction
they got terrific golf course but that's
perfect i'm donating lessons with the
pro at my club ah what are you thinking
about kicking in bill I can't tell you
it's a silent auction remember once
again it's the bid that is silent I mean
if you don't have even donate it's all
right oh we got something and it's gonna
be big like the lawyer telling figure
probably have lying around the house is
big you on Saturday I told Ted we were
gonna donate something big to the
auction why would you do that because he
was all in my face with his timeshare
trying to make me look bad like he
always does with his community service I
can t just not care like the rest build
it's not about your eco this is about
helping out Tina's school I'll go
straighten it out with careful oh I know
I could raise a lot of money with that
video I sh*t a you and our vacation Judy
gone wild did you erase my heart I did
say that Kathy um no and I was thinking
about what we're going to donate to the
auction Oh Judy don't worry about it no
one's expecting you to come up with
anything we've got stuff to donate oh
sure you do but there are so many other
ways you can give for example you two
are just the kind of worker bees we need
for the cleanup committee but oh there's
gonna be buzzed all right about the big
thing we're donating it's gonna be huge
did you talk to her yeah yeah you made
it worse way worse like there's those
Halverson yeah they act like there's so
much better than we are what are they
always manage to bring out the worst
because they are stupid stupid ass
people
who look like ass just because their
faces are like asses no I'm guessing
that once again you two got out there
made me proud to be a Miller well show
them we're gonna come up with something
great for this auction let's go
brainstorm Judy that'll be a light
drizzle you're 80 times up it's my turn
I'm watching the house appropriations
committee on c-span they're negotiating
a budget for the next fiscal year they
should set aside a couple of billion
dollars to build you a girlfriend the
sense of humor will get you through many
long nights at the toll booth Lawrence
being a pain you're just flipping around
here this looks good a Korean soap opera
you're gonna want something that you
don't understand just to keep me from
seeing the show I wait for all week you
don't get how that's fun for me okay
you've gone we can change it a few what
no no whoa Bobo who's the shirt with
Hani I don't know but I sure wish I knew
what he was talking about yeah he's
speaking the international language of a
walk
[Music]
look about to get the first bidder on
our item see I know if we put our heads
together and fill them with beer we've
come up with something good time to
close the deal say what's this all about
a night of beef and teeth whatever that
is oh oh wow says here it's a delicious
homemade rib dinner for two followed by
a teeth cleaning and a gum massage by if
I do say so myself one of the city's top
dental assistants you're the dental
assistant wow that's a meal and dessert
if you know what I'm talking about come
on now that's a little bit over the line
I'm sorry Oh relax I'm her husband ok
now it's creepy the creepy or is it
creepy heyo Miller's house the bidding
going on United hoof-and-mouth
[Laughter]
beef and teeth and we're getting a few
nibbles oh really oh I guess I everyone
sign of names with invisible ink well
said not everything's going to be as
popular as our timeshare but tonight is
about the children it's not a contest
although if it were we would be the
winners no one who signed up for this
yet look at that score one for beefing
teeth what I signed the wrong sheet I I
thought this was the month of Tae Bo
classes hey hey no backsies okay I'm not
nine my name coming off you know we
could still use some worker bees on a
clean up to me buzz buzz get it filled
you know right a bid down under a fake
name so we don't look like losers mill
biller too close
attention the bidding will close in five
minutes and I'm so pleased to see that
almost everything is selling tonight and
the wonderful thing is is all for the
children also the children these people
want to save their after-school
activities so they have a place to dump
their kids off when they week yeah
they're all hypocrites I bet if someone
was willing to take their kids off their
heat that gives me thank you hello
everybody were the millers and we have a
very exciting announcement our evening
of beef and teeth has been canceled and
it's been replaced by a children's
cookies and crafts parties whoa hold the
phone up starts you just can't change
the option item willy-nilly the 10 top
dinners get to dump their kids in our
house for a whole day looks like we're
cleaning up okay Ted the important thing
is that the winners in all this are the
children and the losers are you
[Music]
so i can drop my kids off for the whole
day the whole day thank you hi guys Ted
and I want to congratulate you on having
the most popular item and the entire
option right Ted congratulations
cheaters we also want to apologize for
getting carried away in the heat of
competition the important thing is that
the kids benefit it's not about us
feeding you it's not about our saying in
your face how very sweet of you guys to
come over here like this so apology
accepted thank you and if there's
anything we can do to help you out he's
no big deal don't take kids wow you sure
have a lot of this here yeah yeah they
want I get it maybe it said my help out
you could double the number of kids and
raise even more money of course it would
still be your party and your donation
that's a great idea Cassie yeah we could
use a couple of worker bees on the
cleanup crew buzz buzz
enjoy your time in the catbird seat
filler thanks not drying this yet the
worm will turn haha I don't know what
any of that means hot guy just walked
into the gym oh god he's truly cuz he's
pictured not yes hey what'd I miss okay
I'm still trying to figure out what hot
guy story is well I think it's obvious
he's a sensitive kick boxer / doctor who
writes poetry muscat Kenny else would be
a rock star hun reality hello oh hi
Cassie wait a minute look at that no
sorry Kathy I was watching the end takes
a road show hey Kathy yeah so bill and I
are getting things ready for saturday
what time do you think you and Ted will
be what hey I got all the craft stuff
you wanted me to get to the party
although I refuse to waste money on
plane popsicle sticks when they come
free inside every frozen treat so I
bought 10 boxes of frozen Juicy's rosyth
oh jeez well that's too bad i'm so sorry
i hope she's feeling better okay bye
Kathy Halverson she and Ted can't help
us with the party Ted's and sick they
have to go out of town so now we have to
take care of 20 kids all by ourselves oh
don't worry it's all right we can handle
it we're good parents let's beginner
have a box of frozen Son Jesus be
responsible only if you finish all your
phones and juices
[Music]
your mom's dead now be quiet peanut Cena
I told you i do want to point up soon
it's a key I just want to show him
yeezus Rolla sorry what is it these
aren't sticky oh you know what that's
because he's on beads these are candies
for the cookies where the beads do not
to say that that's a very very bad word
I only said it because I b*rned myself
don't keep their fulla pinis to either
fine I being like a dozen he be making a
necklace later doing outside yes no no I
told everyone to stay inside now I have
to take a head count one two three King
7-12 c 0 1 2 3 lemon and it down really
don't care what stop it
oh there you are how long does it take
to buy eggs and flour it depends on what
you coming home to in this case out an
hour so I'm driving home guess what I
see around the corner of the house our
sins cars and a catering truck they're
not out of town visiting a sick aunt
they're having a party and let's stick
it to the Millers before what do my job
yep it was all a scam they talked us
into doubling the number of kids knowing
all along they were going to back out I
hate those stinking a faces faces look
like A's Cathy would pretend to be my
friend when all the while she just set
me up to fail they're probably over
there laughing at us right now with all
that fancy golf-playing timeshare and
friends well as I see it we got two
options we can a be the bigger people
and rise above that bee bee bee bee bee
good those aids deserve be okay just do
everything that mr mrs millard this is a
craft party what could help decorate the
outside of this house for this man just
looking after the copy n roses passing
was a huge sh*t
but rather than warn her dad's issue we
should celebrate her life she meant so
many memories all of which will cherish
sorry I need tissue I can't imagine a
Christmas without aunt Rose's pecan pie
hole we all up there especially the
children she may not be here now but I
can safely say when it came to this
family she made a great impact yourself
what in the name of Saint hometown is
going on here uh hi Ted Kathy how's your
aunt not sick anymore I guess no she's
not I knew it she's dead Yeah right your
aunt ice you decided to throw a big
party it's called a memorial service oh
yeah well if it's a memorial service how
come everyone's wearing suits and crying
and gathered round that picture the old
lady god I am so sorry we are not
decorating anymore okay so here's a wild
question why are you doing this to us we
thought you lie to us so you didn't have
to help us with our party so you decided
to vandalize our house you have to
really look at it from our point of view
no I do we are so sorry if there's
anything that we can do I want you out
of here by the time I count to ten one
two three 13 now head we feel terrible
we thought you backed out of the kids
party so you can invite your friends
over to laugh at us why would we do that
I don't know it just whenever we get
around you guys you feel like we're back
in high school you know and you're the
over achievers and more the idiot
slackers
do you have a diploma or not high school
was over some time ago so sorry and
we're gonna do the adult thing and clean
this all up we insist I really think the
Halverson's are gonna appreciate this
peace offering yeah there's nothing
better than your brownies oh maybe
they're not home no what we've been out
on the back Oh God you know I can't see
here you go sir oh my god put a quick
poop
[Laughter]
[Applause]
[Music]
I wouldn't have it any
away cuz you max me
[Applause]
03x05 - Still Auctioning
Watch/Buy Amazon
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.