03x21 - Still Mother's Day

[bunniefuu]

yeah yeah yeah I need your help with

something really quick that you can't

answer me and then pretend to be asleep

all right what do you need well I was

just um go fine i guess i won't tell you

about the delicious ham was ham no hand

okay anyway i'm trying to figure out

what to get mom for Mother's Day she

likes a delicious ham I'm serious dad

last year I just got her some stupid

flowers this year I want to give her

something really nice oh you're headed

down a dangerous gift path son what you

really want to do is set the bar low oh

I see what you're saying and then just

get her something a tiny bit nicer every

year no you set the bar low and you

leave it there do what I do with my mom

every year I show up at her place bright

and early with a gift that has my face

on it bill t-shirt a bill coffee mug

billo like a pillow with your face on

and this year she's getting a toasty

bill lankan to go with amazing you can

sleep at night my head rests easy on my

bill oh they're cheaper if you buy two

hey

[Applause]

[Music]

all right mom I'll see you saturday if I

love you oh my mom so looking forward to

mothers day at the Palm Court oh you

mean that T thing you do every year not

just T high tea oh hi t that's the only

way I could get through it this year's

gonna be even better because we're

bringing more for the first time and

Lauren can't wait you're gonna love it

we get dressed up there's flowers and

candle oh great so it's like a more

boring version of church the rite of

passage I know my mother finally thought

of me as a woman when she invited me to

my first high tea Oh Heidi count me in

honey just a girl or you could go with

me I could loan you a dress that purple

one I caught you in I told you I was in

a play take a team Sun Piketty oh great

that you showed up without calling ahead

I just wanted to come by to tell you

that I'd like to spend Mother's Day with

my Billy Boy instead of making you get

me some silly gift what about Johnny

what was the point of getting me a merry

well first of all I'm not Johnny's

mother oh but sometimes he does shout

out oh mama

and second of all he's in st. Louis

visiting his mother why didn't you go

with him oh because I don't like that

woman she has no boundaries and she's so

manipulative can't even imagine how he

puts up with her brutal and it sucks

away a little bit of your soul every day

unless you don't want to spend the whole

day with your mother although I spent

the whole day with you and labor pushing

and pushing and well hey you can stop

now I'm out it'd be fun to get dressed

up and go someplace fancy fancy hey you

know what's fancy high tea at the Palm

Court oh you wanna take me to high tea

no but you know who does Jude really oh

that would be wonderful I have always

dreamed of going to the Palm Court 40

I've heard it so classy oh I'll have to

take my be no Judy the answers a big yes

yes to what what was the question Billy

told me you want to take me to tea for

Mother's Day what well you're already

going what it would it k*ll you to add

one more no but somebody might die look

Louise it's it's already myself Linda

and Lauren my mom and it's just a table

for four Oh Lauren doesn't even want to

go maybe you could take my mom instead

dress in kitchen please just unloading

your mom on me she's gonna ruin

everything Judy it's old ladies drinking

tea and eating tiny sandwiches how do

you ruin that

two very special for me and it's

Lauren's first time and I don't want

your mother ruining it by taking over

the whole thing and making it all about

hook Judy my mom's not gonna take over

Judy I've got the Palm Court on the line

and they said they can give us a bigger

table you called them but it'll have to

be at nine o'clock in the morning which

is great because then all our scouts can

drive out to Joliet and see the house I

drew up do you okay so just put a step

will call you back listen uh Louise this

is something my sister and I have been

doing with our mom for many years it's

it's kind of a Michael's family

tradition tradition I see I wouldn't

want to intrude on your tradition thanks

for understanding oh I understand I'll

be the only woman in the family not

invited again thanks for understanding

[Music]

can somebody get that Maisie oh look at

you look great you to change your hair

you look five years younger thanks mom

huh I change my hair too i threw out my

bangs you must not have noticed because

she does anything i know don't you two

have a chance to catch up last night

yeah it was great was really really

great we talked and talked yeah it was

wonderful I'll stay here next time why

mom you have your own room in my house

here you have to sleep on the couch with

your head and builds a stent so alive in

this house oh I supposed to my house

where you feel dead no honey not dead

just less alive my mom oh hi Helen how

was your night at Linda's still smell

like ass like sleeping in a litter box

so can I get you something to drink well

little early in the day for a martini

how about a screwdriver oh good Louise

is here and she brought that voice have

you been I got married I know

congratulations now don't go making any

Asian jokes because my husband's

Japanese I wasn't going to oh sure you

were everybody does but not all Asians

are terrible drivers although chany is

speaking of drivers where's bill with

that screwdriver okay oh yeah grandma

who's your favorite grandma really who's

your favorite Lauren to merge a very

first mother's day tea with a girl you

must soak pain yeah usually I have a

surprise whatwhat's fry well you know

how you said I can't come to tea with

you because traditions are so important

well I agree so I've decided to start my

own tradition Oh Louise that frame

should have your own tradition exactly

I'm going to spend Mother's Day outlet

shopping with my granddaughter Lauren

sounds great whoa not great Lauren

you're coming to tea with us yeah I

remember you're excited whether she

knows the city how will she be able to

spend this hundred dollar gift card

tradition you've never done it before

well Lawrence never gone to tea with you

before but suddenly that's a tradition

how come you're our tradition is a

tradition in my traditions other

traditions are accepting tradition

don't I get a say in what I want to do

you know if Lauren really wants to go

with my mom you always come with us next

to you know Mother's Day mother you're

spending it with your mother and you are

gonna spend it with your mother and I am

going to spend it with my mother and

we're all gonna have a happy-ass

mother's day I'll just go in there I

know how to talk to her well this is

awkward yeah mom we should probably head

back to my apartment it's not that

awkward if anybody has her keys handy we

should probably get to the hospital why

because I kind of stabbed him

[Music]

the nurse said my mom's gonna be fine

she just needed a couple of stitches I

don't know what happened well as I

understand it you stabbed my mother

behind me and I didn't see her and I

turned with the Kn*fe and I stabbed my

mother accident I gotta tell you I'm

impressed I mean we've all thought about

it that you actually oh here she is Oh

Jenna Louise I'm so sorry son i said

something shining at your hand hello I'm

dr. Gibbon oh and this is my son Bill

and it's lovely wife Judy who stabbed me

how are you feeling louise pretty good a

woman have just came out of a coma try

and think we should know doctor I just

changed the dressing twice a day make

sure she takes her pain pills and read

this pamphlet managing rage I don't have

rage I told you it was an accident all

right calm down try to get her to read

that you take it easy on that arm for a

few days okay I don't know how I'm gonna

be able to manage on my own someone's

gonna have to help me cook wash my hair

somebody was gonna be able to put my

tight hey I didn't stop her

[Music]

Lauren I need to get ready for the tea I

am didn't you see the dress I laid out

for you on your bed yeah i sat on I want

to put on my chance I'm going to your

tea can i just wear what I want well

yeah I suppose it's just that I do a lot

for you and I was just hoping you'd give

me this one day after all it is what do

they call it oh yes mother's day crying

I'll go put on a stupid dress or any

dress you want I'll be up in a minute to

pick it out everybody excited about the

Palm Court well as excited as I can be

considering I was up half the night

someone was talking gibberish in their

sleep hum I wasn't asleep i was sitting

on the edge of your bed telling you all

about my hopes to my dream oh well good

luck with those honey you think you're

tired louise's milk in this whole

incident I had to go over and cook her

dinner clean her house if I say no to

anything she points to her all what

awful stabbing oh thanks for dropping me

off Betty i would entertain myself that

I got stabbed Oh Judy I I brought you

some laundry these are my delicates and

they have to be washed by hand I would

do it myself but as you know I know I'll

doing later hey mom happy Mother's Day

what are you doing here I was gonna pick

you up for lunch later oh I thought we

could skip lunch I don't want to get too

full before my tea with the ladies wait

for him so here's what what makes you

think you're coming with us oh I just

thought in polite society that one is

invited to tea after one is fair nice

going in the kitchen now

ten bucks he comes out bleeding hey

buddy step up you are taking that woman

to every annoying horrible place that

she wants to go to until mother's days

over you owe me this I've pulled up

tight what's worse I've had to pull him

down all right and so we're a good time

don't fire just any cheap piece-of-crap

with your face on it

see Lauren is this fun gave all dressed

up and acting like proper ladies grandma

what are you drinking I thought they

only serve tea here it is tea iced tea

Long Island iced tea hey my mother's day

to Judy what's wrong you don't look like

you're having any fun Louise can't

believe I'm actually feeling guilty for

not letting her come today I don't know

how she does it stop letting that woman

upset you so much forget about her she's

not here oh she's here she picks and she

picks and she picked Leigh just can't

take it anymore and you just want a

title fight on her neck hey this place

is fancy on laura's oh I get it we're

pretending mom didn't just have a

meltdown what sweet girl I'm letting

Louise ruin my day I'm gonna put her out

of my mind and have a wonderful Mother's

Day good for you Judy we're up she'll

have what I'm having and i'll have

another oh I'm really starting to have a

good time later could you take our

picture sure are all you girls sisters

thanks everybody say cheese oh crap crap

why are you here my mom wanted to have

tea at the Drake Hotel your mom's here

yeah she's downstairs in the powder room

what are you doing here you were

supposed to be at the Palm Court the

Palm Court at the Drake Hotel you

jackass woman she just won't take no for

an answer I've had it if she thinks she

can show up here and expect us to

welcome her with open on she's gonna be

fine the nurse said that the painkillers

for a Kn*fe wound relaxed her so she was

limber for the fall the good thing you

stabbed her first I believe I heard her

again you think it wasn't an accident do

you think I have it out for her really

starting to look that way mom honey I

was right there the stairs were a total

accident that said I didn't see the

stabbing can't comment she drives me so

crazy she pushes and manipulates and

digs her heels and until she gets her

way I know what that's like you saying

nothing are you saying I'm like Nana

well you did push me into coming to this

tea with you part it's Mother's Day ya

know it's going to make you breakfast

like I always do but suddenly that

wasn't good enough I couldn't even wear

what I wanted to wear you guilted me

into doing everything your way I did not

guilt you besides that gave birth to I

think that entitle

hi you're like my mother I married my oh

my god that's not going to happen again

I never want to be the kind of mother

who guilts you into doing stuff with her

okay mom I forget it really yeah i mean

i don't want to be on your bad side seen

you in action dr. you remember my son

Dylan my lovely daughter-in-law Judy who

stabbed me and shoved me down the stairs

didn't read that pamphlet did you can

you and lauren go bring the car around I

was such oh my i'm not sure so this is

how i'm going to die please forgive me i

never meant to hurt you i guess i'm just

starting to realize that i may have a

short fuse with you sometimes because

maybe i see a little part of me in you a

little or exactly like the point is

we're both mothers and strong-willed

women and we both love our children so

much and i think of you as my daughter

ah i guess the reason i wanted to go to

the T so badly is that I'm a little

jealous that tellin gets to have you all

to herself oh please that's so sweet

cutie kabhi mob please don't like the

very weak let's get you home safe

[Music]

authorities the hospital can I bring you

anything else oh no think I'm fine I'm

just waiting for my mother she went to

the restroom a while ago I hope she's

all right isn't that your mother over

there glad I had all of you for the

grand mother's day ever mom doing over

here oh this table is just so much more

alive

[Music]

I wouldn't have it any other way cuz it

makes me

[Music]