[Music]
can you bring me my purse what I said
can you bring me my purse well you're
closer find my checkbook you need to
write Tina a check for the magazine your
stupid magazines and the reason Tina's
here so i didn't have on that night your
checkbooks not in here just sunglasses
birth control pills and an algebra book
ah this must be Lauren's purse uh-huh
yours must be around here wait wait a
minute what oh well I can explain what
is she doing with my sunglasses oh I
don't know you have any idea how hard it
is to find sunglasses that don't squeeze
you why are the birth control pills in
lawrenceburg don't freak bill I know all
about them I helped her get that you put
our daughter on the pill they are not
for birth control okay she had some
other female issues that birth control
pills are used to regulate like walk
well this is some of the stuff you
wanted to be kept out of the loop on
remember try me if I can't handle it
I'll tell you to stop okay um the uterus
how can you be sure she's not using them
for some guy instead of her you know
water because she doesn't have a
boyfriend how do you know that because
she told oh she told you we all know
teenagers always tell the truth
especially in a house where honesty is
valued which is not here well I have a
trusting relationship with our children
Lauren tells me everything and what she
doesn't i get out of tina by stuffing
her with Kansas not to suggest you're
not doing a good job with Lauren but I'm
taking over raising her oh come on
you're overreacting driver's license
birth control pills where r this kid's
parents I am officially back in the loop
and I'm gonna find out what's really
going on with these pills no no you're
not if you even tell her about the pills
she'll be humiliated and she'll never
trust me again I'm allowed to talk to my
daughter Oh take a sh*t but the last
thing a sixteen-year-old girl wants to
do is talk to her dad about I know how
to be subtle and delicate when talking
to women by the way the sweater yams are
aces today
with you today
[Applause]
I don't know why I'm taking a driving
lesson from you dad mom said you crashed
two cars I only crash one car but I
crashed it into our other car so when
your mother's twisted logic I guess
across two cars oh hey Ben why because
I'm interested in what's going on in
your life any anything new in school
science has gotten easier since i
started teaching creationism now if you
don't know the answer you can just say
God did it or you can always ask your
boyfriend what's what was his name again
dad I don't have a boyfriend can we just
drive I'm sorry I'm sorry i'll keep the
conversation on driving when you think
about it though driving is a lot like a
lot of other things in life it is sure
it's a very serious responsibility and
you know a lot of people rush into it
you know what I mean yes in fact you
know maybe you shouldn't do it till
you're old a much much older but
everybody my age doesn't dad well that
doesn't mean you're ready why the first
time I did it I was really good and I've
only gotten better
I'm a really good driver oh yeah driving
what what's this oh that must be Nick
shirt Nick yeah I some guy from my
school who was undressing in your car
should I give him a ride home and he got
hot I bet he did that's his lessons over
we're going home no more driving ever
why because I had a friend in the car
who gets hot and just takes their shirt
I've seen you do it at the dinner table
that's a little treat for your mother as
a reward for her fine cooking
mom what's wrong your dad crashed
another car worse he started freaking
out because he found a shirt in the back
seat who's sure Nick DeFalco they told
you about him he's just a friend Oh a
boy who's a friend put those together
what do you get a boyfriend which you
said she didn't have Judy once again
where her parents well I'm her mother
and I'm thinking of getting back in
touch with her real father yeah what
exactly is your problem dad my problem
is boys are getting hot in your car and
you're on the pill you know I'm on the
pill I didn't tell him he found it when
he was rifling through your purse no
privacy in the tub I hate it oh you
really stepped in it no I married it a
big pile of it I can't believe you
brought up the pill so she's never gonna
trust me again he was lying to you about
why she wanted him well she told me
about this Nick he's just some doofy Guy
from school but you overreacted and you
blew it for both of us you know what
buddy you're back out of the loop was
yes we're going back to the way it's
always been me raisin worn as a single
mom she needs a father in her life I
know but I can't find the cocktail
napkin with his number on
okay hi girls hi mr. Miller we're going
up to my room study I'll try not to have
sex while we're high just told me we're
gonna work on our book reports let's
look Lauren I'm really sorry about
yesterday I overreacted you're a good
girl and I totally trust you thanks dad
beautiful right into my trap are you
doing with that baby monitor Shh I'm
spying on a baby I stirred at
apologizing oh you freaked out over
nothing yeah my dad apologizes to me all
the time it's one of the 12 steps hey
what's a pound I don't know there's a
corking sound coming from under your bed
your mother thinks she's all innocent
but your sisters up to something and I'm
gonna find out what except it's awfully
quiet up there yeah that's probably cuz
you put the wrong into the monitor up in
a room I did son of a the way we always
used it well that explains a lot of
cries that went unanswered
hello just a second Lauren phone sky
hanging up hello hi Goren oh hey new are
we still getting together tonight
totally it's so great that the Wagner
asked me to watch their house and feed
their pets law their way we're going to
have the whole place to ourselves I
can't wait to get all over your fine
stuff let me give you the address it's
four five six mil drive give it to me a
kid it's four five six they'll drive
house here today but sweet sweet lady
she's meeting a guy I knew it judy has
no idea what's going on with that little
girl just come back normal we normally
write on the table of my we're leaving
take care there are paper towels right
there if you wanted to go for an evening
walk this is so Roman yeah about that it
was all a big lie I just wanted to show
you the house where our daughter is
fornicating Wow Lauren is in here right
now with a boy no she is house-sitting
for the Wagner's by herself wake up a
teenage girl on the pill in an empty
house with beds it's practically the
first verse of a van Halen song you can
stop by our daughter to be prepared to
feel very very foolish ah you are right
bill I feel like an ass wait let me
finish is standing right next what are
you doing here your father thought you
were over here with some boy what I am
just house-sitting Sheba Oh drop the act
I heard you on the phone planning your
rendezvous where is this guy you're
listening in on Michael you were
listening in on her phone call somebody
has to I'm just being a responsible
parent there's no boy I don't know why
no dad just don't open that door oh look
Judy she doesn't want me to open this
door wonder who could be hiding in here
was this awesome trick to make your
father look like an idiot
ah fighting my ass looks good John
okay my rice term go to the concert wait
a minute concert yeah Green Day remember
know who you going with Nick I told you
well I don't remember bill did you hear
anything about those don't look at me
I'm out of the loop I'm just a guy who
lives here and now that I'm removed from
parenting I could be honest those
paintings you made in kindergarten week
mom I've got to go he's waiting fine but
be home right after the concert that was
weird I swear she never said anything to
me about concert mm what are you
thinking how freeing it is not to have
any kids I don't have any reason to be
here now what about me bill a single mom
with three kids school that's a lot to
take on i'll be at chi phi mom feeling
where are you going Oh basketball game a
lot of good freshmen this year really so
the team's good oh I don't know I'm
talking about the cheer squad um did
Lauren take the collar no her friend
took her to the green day concert but
that was canceled canceled yeah last
week she knew that but she lied to me
don't believe it your dad was right
about her neck Nick Nick ooh nikka Falco
make the Falco yeah Lauren said he's
some doofy kid from school flaky make
Nick the trick knows his way around a
chick they write poems about
[Applause]
I'm calling that kids parents I'm Nick
doesn't remember this parents he has his
own apartment he has his own apartment
yeah you know it's great you know all
the guys bring all the girls over there
to just talk and do nothing else ever
get in the car you're taking me there
all right the one time I finally get to
go to Nick got to be with my mom so
embarrassing okay you might want to stay
in the car
[Music]
Judy kids anybody know I Lauren nope
just me how was your night if your
sinuses acting up no I'm great
everything's different wonderful who
wants waffles well whenever I'm feeling
down waffles always make me feel better
why don't you go down and whip us up a
batch honey I know I'm not supposed to
be sticking my nose in your business but
what are you upset about you don't have
to do this I can do the rate for mom to
come on no I really want to know why I
was a little bit neck I just something
do you know your mom should be home any
minute come home just forget that you
can go back downstairs I'm sorry honey
you're upset me you need to talk you can
tell me anything you want including
whatever you are Nick did and I promise
you won't get into trouble we do oh god
oh god we were we're parked out by like
[Music]
talking and I told him how much I loved
him and that I wanted to be a girlfriend
it just got really freaked out he
fainted think of me that way from you
I'm sorry that was wrong with me am I
really that growth come on honey you
you're not gross you were when you were
free but everybody is honest honey but
you know maybe this is a good thing
sounds like Nick wasn't ready for
anything as serious as what you wanted
ready dad well you know your body might
be ready but there's nothing wrong with
slowing things down a little and knowing
for sure it's the right guy don't worry
him I'm done with boys I'm never gonna
have sex oh honey you will trust me I
hope when the time comes its know its
season with somebody I love I was gonna
say not on the couch
I spend a lot of time there you're gonna
be okay I'm really glad you worship
tonight it really so you know no matter
what happens in your life you can always
come to me okay thanks dad I lied to mom
about going to the concert so I could go
to the lake with Nick you're on your own
you listening why don't you come in and
help me out you're doing pretty good
fact I think you might be farther inside
the loop that I ever was nice job I love
that kid I just need to see her hurting
yeah so should I wait until tomorrow to
go ballistic honor she's already
crawling judi l anyone some was going to
finish it there's just a little bit left
[Laughter]
[Music]
04x14 - Still Out of the Loop
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Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.