Hi. Hey.
What's going on? Oh, not a lot. Ruby and graciehave soccer practice.
Kyle has a field trip.
Was that a goat?
Yeah, the lawn mower broke,
So jim's exploringsome low-cost alternatives.
Hey, did you see gordon?
This doesn't meanit was a bad idea.
It just means he needs toadjust to his surroundings.
(Jim) gordon!
Gordon owes mea $ pair of loafers.
Mom, can allyspend the night tonight?
Only if daddycatches the goat.
Cheryl, I'm telling you,
Years from now,everyone's gonna have one.
I shouldn't have bought minetill I saw how this worked out.
♪♪♪
Where does this piece go?
I don't know.i'm not a dinosaur expert.
Hey, ryan, you're a doctor.where does this bone go?
Jim, I deliver babies.
I could help you outif this was a lady dinosaur.
Whoa, but it's not.
Dana, come on. We don't wantto be late for the movie.
Okay, hang on.i just have to give ryan
Tanner's emergency contactinformation.
Oh, great. Oh, wow, - - .
(Jim) dana, relax.
I'm here with ryan.we can take care of the baby.
I've raised three kids--ruby, gracie and--
Kyle. Kyle.
You know what?maybe we shouldn't go.
Dana, they'll be fine. Oh, come on, honey.you've been working so hard
Looking after tanner,you deserve a night off.
Yes, absolutely.go, and you, too, cheryl.
You've been workingyour tail off on that
Stupid museum fund-raiserthat I'm not going to.
Free boozeand unlimited shrimp cocktail.
Then it's a good cause.
You're right.all right, come on.
Let's go watchmatthew mcconaughey.
Oh, I hopehe takes his shirt off.
What are the odds?
(Door closes) ruby, the window.
(Car engine turns over)
In the car... Right.
Backing up... Right.
Checking lipstick... (Car horn blows)
(Tires screech) almost hit a car...
And gone.
We have liftoff. Okay,everybody knows what to do.
Let's go. Let's move, people.
We got one nightto make this happen.
All right.gracie, you got the keys? Right here.
Okay, doc, diaper bag.let's go. Come on, let's go.
Hey, how, why?
Because, my friend, this keyunlocks the front door
To the museumof natural history.
Yes, yes. You see,they gave this to cheryl
To open the museumto help set her fund-raiser up
That I'm gettingthe shrimp at.
Why were you in the closet?
Well, ever sincethat goat thing, uh,
We're not allowedto play together.
Yeah.
Cheryl grounded us.
Well, why don't you justgo to the museum during the day?
Come on, where's the adventurein that? That's not fun.
Everything's betterwhen you sneak in. Yeah.
Like, uh,like a public swimming pool.
Yeah,or a stranger's wedding.
Or your new,hot co-worker's apartment.
And I'm trying to createsome memories for my children.
Gracie, give memy false i.d.
Here we go, mr. Dimas. All right.
Yeah, jim, I'm notgoing to any museum.
I told dana I'd stay hereand watch after the baby.
You're afraid of your wife,aren't you?
Don't be afraid of your wife.
You can watch the kidat the museum.
Yeah, but dana said-- (dopey cartoon voice) yeah, but dana said...
Don't mock me.
(Dopey cartoon voice) don't mock me.
Cut it out. I mean it.
Thank you.
(Both) thank you.
(Normal voice) ryan,you could come with us,
Bring the baby to the museumand watch him there
And be a good dad,
Or you can stay here,watch the baby here
And be dana's babysitter.
Okay.
It's go time.
All right, let's go. (Children cheer)
Who is she to tell mewhat to do, you know?
I'm a doctor.i'm the kid's father.
I'm very responsible.
Tanner, you cannotwander off like that.
(Whispers) dana.
Dana. Shh, I'm tryingto watch the movie.
Okay, listen to me.you're a mom now.
You have to take advantage
Of the rare opportunityyou have to cut loose.
Take the lidoff your soda. What? Why?
Because I'm gonnapour liquor in it.
Oh, cheryl, you can't drinkin a movie theater.
Oh, my god,i love those bottles.
I know.it's like doll booze.
Did you bring onefor yourself?
(Bottles clink)
Ooh.
How cool is this, huh?
Does your dad sneak you intosome good places, or what?
This is even better thanthe waste management plant.
You broke intoa waste management plant?
Ah, it was ruby's birthday.
Daddy, I can'tsee anything.
Andy, see if there's a switch--i think right there. Okay.
Can you see it? Yeah.
(Kyle) oh, wow!
(Jim) wow.
(Ruby) look at his teeth. (Jim) yeah.
Actually,this is a lady.
How can you tellit's a lady?
Well, just look at her face.she's crazy.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I bet she atea lot of cavemen, though, huh?
There weren't any cavemenwhen dinosaurs were alive.
Well, that's becausethe t. Rex ate them all, honey.
Hey, andy,you got your camera? Yeah.
Come on, let's take a picturein front of the big guy here.
Okay, okay... Come on, hurry up.
But then I wanna gosee the mummies,
And I'm not going alone. All right.
All right, here we go.come on... (Growls) (all growl)
Yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah. (Camera beeps)
Yeah, cool. Nice.
Hey, you wantsome adventure?
Let's put tannerin the mouth of the t. Rex.
Let's not.
Come on, what are youtalking about?
You kidding? This is fun.
It'll be a great memoryfor tanner.
When he's older,he'll see the picture. I don't know, jim.
Doesn't that sign say, do not touch ?
Can you read yet?
Not really.
It says, wet paint.
(Both growl)
(Laughs) see,everything's fine.
Mm, yuck.that picture's no good.
Ah, tanner's gotthat I got gas face.
All right, here. Come on,let's try it one more time.
(All) holy crap!
At least we didn't getany wet paint on us.
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!
You broke this thing!
What? Me?! All I didwas take a picture.
You used the flash.
That's what they say-- never use a flash in a museum.
You're not allowed to!
Hey, it was your ideato put ryan's fat baby
In the dinosaur's mouth. Whoa. My baby's not fat.
He could skipa meal or two.
Oh, who caresif the baby's chubby or not?
We gotta figure outwhat to do here.
Shouldn't we find an adultand tell the truth?
A serious plan.
I say we lieand blame it on ruby.
(Scoffs)you know, ruby...
Daddy! No, you're cute. The judgemay take a liking to you.
Are you kidding me?
All right, all right,we're not gonna blame ruby.
Okay, I don't know about youguys, but I'm outta here.
Don't worry, he'll be back. How do you know?
Mummies!
(Panting)there's no way out!
You know, jim, I'd like to thankyou for involving my child
In his first felony.i'm outta here.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, you're not going anywhere.
Nobody's going anywhere.
Not only have webroken the law,
But we've gotta fix this thingso we don't go to jail...
And what's worse is, cheryl'sgonna k*ll us if she finds out.
She's gonna know right awaywe stole the key,
And we're not even supposedto be playing together.
I thought we weren'tafraid of our wives.
You know what? When damagegoes over $ million,
We're afraid of our wives. We have gotto put this thing together
And get homebefore cheryl and dana do. Absolutely, and you know what?
You know what? We arethe perfect team for this. What are you talking about?
Come on, you're a doctor.you know about bones.
You're an architect. We gotthree cheap laborers there.
And I'm the lovablebut gruff supervisor.
Do you think we canreally pull it off, jim?
Absolutely. Look, I need youto go to the home depot.
It's around the corner.get some supplies.
Great idea. They knowhow to fix anything.
I wonder if they have a - - book on cretaceous carnivores?
Okay, doc,where do we start?
They're everywhere!
(Both sing) ♪ the knee bone'sconnected to the thigh bone ♪
♪ The thigh bone'sconnected to the... ♪
♪ The knee bone'sconnected to the thigh bone ♪
♪ And the thigh bone'sconnected to the... ♪
Good one.
It's gotta be a wig.she hasn't moved once.
Hey, maybe she's dead.
(Both laugh)
That would be awesome.
Oh, my god,let's try pennies.
Shh.
Here, throw some popcornat the dead lady's head.
I'm tryingto watch this.
Hey, do you haveany pennies?
Ooh! (Laughing)
Someone'sgetting busted.
Shh, usher, usher.
This lady in front of us--she's dead. Kick her out.
(Both scream)
That's it. That's it.that's good.
That looks perfect.perfect.
Good, good, good. Now we justneed to fix this leg,
And we can get outta here. Oh, yeah. Okay.
Daddy? Yeah, yes.
Can I take a rib boneto show and tell?
Yes, and then we canall go to prison together...
And show and tell has a wholedifferent meaning there.
So where do weput the ceiling fan?
We built it just likeyou said, uncle andy.
Yeah, that was supposedto go in my trunk.
Andy, you were supposedto go to the home depot
For dinosaur supplies.
I got carried away.this woman, marcie--
Boy, could she fill outan orange apron. (Laughs)
She took mearound the entire store.
Look, I even gotthis stud finder.
(Beeps)
(Beep) uh-oh, found a stud.
Oh, marcie loved that bit.
Andy, you're cute. They're gonnalove you in prison.
Jim, I'm having
A hell of a timewith this right femur.
That's 'causeyou're doing it wrong.
Yeah, and, uh, whatwas the name
Of your anatomy professorat harvard?
Don't knowwhat I'm doing. (Laughs)
I don't knowwhat I'm doing.
All right, kids, why don't yougo to the gift shop
And maybe try to finda little book on dinosaurs
Or a model of this t. Rex?
Okay. Oh, and while you're there,
Try to pick up something nicefor mother's day.
Oh, damn it. What?
I know whati shoulda asked marcie. What?
I shoulda asked her to show meher male-to-female connector.
Come on. I'll be right back.
No, no, no,andy, stay here.
You know, jim, I thinki know how this goes in.
All right, now if youjust pull that board out
We'll just put thisright into there. All right.
Oh, oh, oh, wait, wait, wait,wait, wait, wait!
Oh, no, no, whoa, whoa. Okay. Yeah,it's not fitting.
Andy. Oh, guys, that's perfect.let me get a picture.
Looks like you're holdingthe whole thing up.
I am holdingthe whole thing up!
Okay, let meget this board.
Ow! Ow!
Ow! You hurt my nose!
Oh, your poor little nose.you hit me in the package!
It was an accident.
Guys, can youhelp me out here, please?
Oh, hold on, doc. Does your nosefeel a little better?
A little. Ow! Ow!
Ow! You son of--
Hey! Oh!
Oh, no, no, no!
Ow, ow, ow!
Oh, now I reallygotta get a picture.
And...
(Camera beeps)
Aww.
(Grunts)
Okay, okay, okay, okay-- charlie's angels. Ooh.
Uh, it's not as much funwithout andy here to play jill.
See, I told you if we walkedhome it would sober us up.
Yeah, I just need to walk home,like, three more times.
Hey, do you wanna seewhere I'm doing
That charity thingfor the museum
For that charity thingi'm doing?
I totally wanna see that.
I wanna do that,and I wanna pee.
I have to pick a bush.
No, no, no.there are bushes inside.
Just let me find my key.
Oh.
Okay, you keep looking.
I'm just gonna go insideand pee.
I'll be thereas soon as I find the key.
Ow. Give me a hand here. Wait a minute--shh.
Wait a second.did you guys hear something? What?
I think somebody's coming. What?
(Cheryl) dana, where are you?
(Dana) I found the perfect bushright next to the ladies' room.
It's dana and cheryl.
What are they doing here? Oh, that's a good question.
Why don't we wait for them tocome here so we can discuss it?
Help me here! I don't know, jim.i think we should hide.
Come here for a second. Yeah?
Ow!
Come on, andy, in here.let's go.
How am I supposed to hide?
Uh, just stand thereand look prehistoric.
Oh, wow, what a great room. Uh-huh.
Oh, my god,i love the dinosaur.
Where did you get it?
It came with the room.uh-huh.
Lucky.
That is a boy dinosaur.
How can you tell? Because it's thursday night,
And it's not sitting at homewatching grey's anatomy.
(Laughs)
Oh, and then--and thenthe dinner is gonna be
Down that hallwaypast the mummy exhibit.
Oh. (Gasps) what?
Can we get a mummyand put it in andy's bed?
It'd be so nice for him
To have somebodyin bed with him.
Yeah.
Well, if he's that lonely,he can borrow ryan.
I could use a nightwithout all the farting.
Oh, yeah.
You think you've got it bad,
Think aboutwhoever's married to that.
Okay, charlie's angels.
Okay, no. You know what?i--i'm done with that.
Hey, you know what? Over here,they have prehistoric clothing.
Oh, just likein your closet.
Hey!
Guys, come on out here.give me a hand.
Do you believe those two?
They're out drinking all night,and I'm home babysitting.
Here, I'll relieve you.
(Andy) gotcha. Daddy, mommyand aunt dana are here.
Aunt dana peed in a bush.
And we foundthis model of a t. Rex.
Ah, thank you, baby.doc, look at this.
We had the boneat the wrong angle.
Did you reallygo to harvard?
(Cell phone rings) oh, that's--that's my phone.
Uh, if that's marcie, guys,i'm gonna need to take that.
I'll get it.
Oh, thank you, honey.
Hello? This is andy's wife.who's this?
No! No! Oh!
I guess the home depotcan't fix a broken heart.
All right, that's it.i think we got it.
Yep, head, tail, body.
This adventure is over.
Now, let's walk awayvery slowly.
Best thing about an adventureis the escape.
Let's go! (Laughs)
Come on, kids,come on, come on, come on.
Jim, jim, jim,i mean, come on. What?
Why don't we get the pictureright now, all right? What picture?
Come on, tanner inthe dinosaur's mouth,
No gas face.jim, I really want this.
You've been talking adventureall night. Let's do this. Come on!
The last time we did that,the dinosaur fell over.
I won't use the flash. Okay, come on.
All right, andy,get a good picture this time.
Yeah, yeah. Real grr,real mean.
(Jim) there you are, tanner,there you are.
Perfect. Got it. Oh, you're gonna have a greatpicture. Let me see, let me see.
Hey, that's good. Look it,tanner doesn't look that fat.
I got a different anglethat time.
Yeah, better angle on it,on the chin.
(Cheryl) no,the t. Rex is over here.
Escape!
(Whispers) mummies!
(Whispers)baby! Baby! Baby!
And then, since we're havingdinner near the mummy exhibit,
We're gonna wrap the napkins
Really tightaround the silverware. (Laughs)
Oh, look, cheryl,it's another dinosaur.
Honey, it's the same dinosaur.
No, no--look, cheryl,
This dinosaur has a babyjust like my baby.
Oh, my god,it's got my baby.
Freeze! Don't touchthe dinosaur!
Well, jim-- ryan? What are you guysdoing here?
Uh, uh...tanner ran away.
In his car seat?
Well, of coursehe's in his car seat.
That's the law.
Ryan, you know better.
Yeah, yeah, and you know,
You two aren't even supposedto be playing together.
Well, he was herewhen we got here.
No, dana, this ismy fault. I'm sorry.
I should have stayed at home. Whoa, what are youapologizing for?
Don't apologize. You hadan adventure, didn't you?
Yeah. It was fun, right?
Yeah. And you girls went to the moviesand had a few dozen drinks.
We did.
Yeah, all right,so where's the harm?
I mean, tanner's fine, the kidslearned about dinosaurs.
Andy didn't fallinto anything
Like he didat the waste management plant.
So come on... Yeah.
It's a good night,a good adventure.
Really good. I say we take the baby
Carefully outof the dinosaur's mouth,
We go home,call it a great night.
All right? 'Cause it was.
Come on, girls. It was a great idea, jim,it really was.
Don't you think?hey, ryan. Yep.
Do you have a keyto the hospital? Of course.
Because I think the kidswould love to go on that m.r.i.
That machine costsover $ million.
Hey, that dinosaurcost more than that.
Hey, kids, you wanna geta picture of your spleen?
Wait a minute.let me get the light.
(Sighs)
See ya, rex.
(Cheryl) honey, what was that?
I dropped my keys.