03x15 - Which Witch is Which?/Kung Timmy

[bunniefuu]

♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

That twerp!

♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

Wands and wings!floaty, crowny things!

♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

♪ Obtuse rubber goose ♪

♪ Green moose, guava juice ♪

♪ Giant snake, birthday cake ♪

♪ Large fries, chocolate shake! ♪

♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are a kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

Yeah, right!

Give me your lunch money, turner.

Can this humiliation get any worse?

[All laughing]

You leave timmy turner, my one true love, alone,

You big gray bully!

[All laughing]

Dad: ah, timmy's school.

There's nothing I like better

Than catching fleeting glimpses of my son

Growing into the confident young man I know he'll be.

Eeh! Suffering staplers!

[Brakes squeal]

You gonna let a little girl

Fight your battles for you, turner?

Uh, only if she wins.

You put my boy down, you big gray bully!

Aw. Your daddy's here to fight for you, too.

I can't fight you, animal boy.

You're a child-- a big, scary, horrifying child--

And children, no matter how horrifying,

Need to be handled tenderly.

Timmy: yaah!

But I can give you a good, stern talking-to

While I get my son's lunch money back.

Yaaah! Unh.

Sweetie, you ok?

No. Is there anything worse

Than having your dad fight your battles for you?

Dad: yaaaah!

Yeah--having him lose your battles for you.

Eeh! Arrgh.

Give me your lunch money.

That horrifying gray kid took mine.

[Cha-ching]

And he took the car.

Apparently, I need to enhance my talking skills.

Maybe your dad should quit

Before he loses something else.

What's left to take?

Huh! Thanks for the house, losers.

Hey, look on the bright side.

We can always stay in the tree house.

What? We are not living in a tree house!

Timmy! I couldn't help overhearing your dilemma.

You could always stay with me.

I'll get the sleeping bags!

Dad: timmy, it's time I teach you

To fight your own battles...

And, more importantly, my battles!

Aah!

Whoa!

I'm going to whip you into fighting shape with this.

This book will teach you to use your body and your mind

As ultrapowerful weapons.

[Disco music playing]

You need...both

To be a master of kung fuuuu!

Mom: aah!

Good thing I landed on this nice, soft mom.

"Rule # ..."

The heck with that. I'm gonna kick his butt!

Hi-yah!

And get my dignity back.

Timmy, you don't know anything about kung fu.

Or dignity.

Yet. But since I have to have a balance

Of body and mind to be a kung fu master,

And I just so happen to have fairy godparents,

I wish you were my karate belt,

Giving me super kung fu physical prowess.

And I wish you were my headband of amazing kung fu knowledge.

Hi-yah!

Hi-yah!

Yah!

Hi-yah!

Awesome!

I have amazing kung fu powers!

If only I had something to practice on.

Old man: help!

There's not a minute to lose!

Hi-yah!

Old man: help!

I said, help!

We can't cut our meat.

Hi-yah!

Timmy: chop chop chop choppa choppa chop.

Chop chop chop choppa choppa chop.

Chop chop chop choppa choppa choppa.

You're on your own with your mashed potatoes.

I hope those fists of fury were washed.

Man: , , , .

, , , .

, , , .

Billy blanks!

Hang on, dude! I'll save you!

Hey, wait! Ho!

Yah!

Yah! Aaaah!

And that's how we take out the trash.

Ha ha! Pretty good, kid.

What's your name? Timmy.

Timmy turner.

Thanks, timmy turner. Now, give me five...

Hundred pushups...

With these cinder blocks on your back...

Unh!

While I break it with my bare hands

And play this piano with my bare feet!

[Playingflight of the bumblebee] aah!

That was amazing!

Keep pushing!

All right, you guys.

I'm totally ready to teach francis

A lesson about bullying kids around

And taking houses!

Timmy, as your headband of kung fu knowledge,

I have to warn you that--

Francis: turner?!

Is it b*ating time already?

I want my family's stuff back, francis,

And tomorrow, we're going to fight for it.

What do I get if I win?

I already got your car, your house,

And your dignity.

What's left to take?

Nothing but his goldfish. Ha ha!

Uh...

What's the matter, turner?

Scared you'll lose your fish?

No, he's not!

He's not scared of anything!

He'll see you tomorrow morning at : !

Yeah, what she said.

Good. After I win 'em, I'm gonna eat 'em,

Then k*ll 'em.

[Both gulp]

Unh!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Restraining order!

[Snoring] hmm? Grr!

[Fly buzzing]

[Swallows]

Ooh. Super scary pink headband.

What do you think of my outfit?

A chain belt?! You study karate?

I teach it.

Can we pick this up?

I've got beatings, bludgeonings,

And an intimidation this morning,

And I don't want to be late for lunch.

I'm having fish.

You've taken my home,

You've taken my dignity,

And now...i'm taking...

My revenge!

Hi-yah!

Unh!

Uhh...aah...can you give me a minute?

What's going on?

Well, we're having a little issue

With the rules.

What? Let me see.

That's not the rules. That's dad's stupid kung fu book.

Well, it's the rules of kung fu,

And rule # says that kung fu must always be used defensively,

Never for vengeance.

What?! You mean, I can't fight,

That francis is going to take you guys, too?

Actually, he's going to win us fair and square

By pounding the poop out of you.

Aah!

Timmy! No!

He'll eat you, then k*ll you!

You don't think I can do it?

I do, timmy.

I think you can do anything. Ooh!

You want to fight turner's battles for him?

Fine. That means you get the next punch.

Timmy: you'd hit a girl?

It's in my book.

Timmy: as creepy as she is,

She's still the only person that believed in me,

And...i won't let you hurt her!

Hi-yah!

Aaah!

Hey, the magic belt and headband are working again.

Because you're fighting to defend, tootie,

Instead of to hurt francis.

Yay! Loopholes rock!

Yeah. It's francis.

Tell the kid behind the dumpster I've got to reschedule.

Let's do this.

[Crunching]

Let's dance!

[Roaring]

Huh?

Hah!

Hoo-ah! Hoo-ah!

Grr!

Eagle strike!

Hi-yah!

Hoo hoo hoo! He's been practicing.

It's like he's fighting for my car.

It's like he's fighting for my love!

And for me to live in the manner

To which I've become accustomed.

Whew!

[Crash]

[Roaring]

Hoo! Yah!

You forgot the first rule of kung timmy, francis--

What goes around comes around!

Whoa!

Unh.

My house!

My car!

[Honk honk]

My hero!

[Kissing loudly]

My restraining order...

Has expired.

Yay!

That's right, animal boy.

I want every bit of graffiti scrubbed from my walls.

Don't make me get timmy out here! Huh?

[Crying]

Hey! I can use my son as a thr*at!

Mom: don't forget to take out the garbage, dear!

Aww! Why do I have to take out the garbage?

Don't make me get timmy out there!

Right. Garbage. I'm on it.

What's the matter, timmy?

Yeah. You got all your stuff back,

And you're back in your house.

We thought you'd be happy.

It's not that, guys.

It's just...this whole thing started

'Cause I didn't fight my own battles,

And even though I b*at francis,

I only did it 'cause you helped.

So? Everybody has something that gives them an advantage.

Yeah. Francis has his freakishly large body,

Premature pubescence, and his inbred cruelty.

And you have us.

It's how you use your advantage that matters,

And you used us for good.

I love you guys!

Hi-yah!

Mom: aah!

What? You saw how he went for me.

He was asking for it.

At least he landed on his mom.

Hello, dimmsdale. I'm chet ubetcha,

And I'm coming to you live from town square,

Where everyone is preparing for this year's

Big founder's day parade!

Yes, founder's day,

When we people of dimmsdale recreate that simple life of long ago--

A time when things were less complicated,

When people lived off the land.

Aaah!

A time when men were men, and toilet paper was leaves.

Dale dimm!bitteroot!

Dale dimm!bitteroot!

Dale dimm!bitteroot!

Dale dimm!bitteroot!

Guys, stop fighting.

Can we please just pick

What our dimmsdale founder's day float is gonna be?

I say our float should be dedicated to alden bitteroot,

The unsung witch-hunting hero of colonial dimmsdale.

No way! We need to build a float

Honoring the brilliance of the founder of dimmsdale--

Dale dimm!

Dale dimm didn't even exist.

He's just a folk legend.

If he's real, why isn't there any proof,

Like a portrait or something?

I'll make you a deal.

If you find proof you're right about alden bitteroot,

We'll build your float.

If I find proof about dale dimm,

We'll build mine. Deal?

To the library!

The library? But I went last year!

No!

Timmy, a.j. Is a genius.

You'll never be able to out-library him.

Which is why we're going to get our proof in person.

I wish we could go back in time

And see how dimmsdale was founded!

Wow! We're in the year ,

When dimmsdale was founded.

[Horse neighs]

Timmy: a simpler time.

A time when men were men...

[Ding]

Butter was churned, and toilet paper was leaves.

Man: yeow!

Proper attire, please.

You are planning on shaving that beard, right?

Come on! Let's take a look around old dimmsdale.

Actually, we're in ye old town with no name.

They should call it the town with no hygiene.

[Munching loudly]

Man: hear ye, hear ye!look!

Yes, my fellow townspeople...

I have doneth it again!

Behold! I present to thee a witch!

Uh, duckie.

'Tis a witch, I say!

Thou darest to question me-- alden bitteroot,

Hunter of witches?

So much for historical accuracy.

Verily, its appearance may suggesteth a duck.

But what of it now?

[Quack]

All: witch! Witch! Witch!

We shall testeth this witch

Upon the slow-roasting spit of justice!

[Townspeople shouting and cheering]

That's not a witch. It's a duck.

[Sniffing]

Duh, you smell clean.

Thanks!

Ooh, ooh, ooh! Clean-smelling witch!

Aaah!

Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!

[Man continues yelling]

Hold still... And pipe it down!

Thanketh thee.

Thou beest my new besteth buddyeth.

I'll never let anyone taketh you away.

Well, bumpkin, where beeth the witch?

Uh, thereth?

Aah! You have spied a witch log.

Bravo, dale dimm!

Townspeople: hooray!

Wait. You're dale dimm?

Man: dale...dimm.

Ha! Youarereal! I was right!

Now a.j. Will have to build my float.

[Ringing bell]

Ooh! 'Tis the time of lunch!

Hey, timmy, can we go home?

I want to go somewhere that doesn't reek.

[Burps]

No way. I got to take a picture

The town naming ceremony

So I can prove to a.j. That dale dimm really existed.

We of the town with no name oweth much to ye,

Alden bitteroot, who just this morning

Caughteth two more witches.

And now here's jedediah with the weather.

Partly cloudy with a chance of a stoning.

Back to you, mayor.

Thank you, jedediah.

Allow us to rewardeth thine efforts...

Oh, no. I couldn't.

With these two heaping sacks of gold.

Well, ok.

Two witches-- the duck and the log?

This guy's a total fake!

And so to honor thy witch-hunting,

We shall forever call this town...

Bitterburg!

What?! No way!

[All gasp]

Dost thee have a problem, neighbor?

The town isn't supposed to be called bitterburg.

It should be named after him--dale dimm!

I can toucheth my brain.

[Laughing]

Thou dost mocketh me in such a public manner?!

Perhaps there is black magic afoot!

What? I'm not a witch.

Oh? Perhaps thou wouldst like to explain

That bizarre and arcane arrangement of meat and bread.

This? It's a sandwich.

Aha! He said "witch"!

And he smells good!

It's not that kind of witch.

Get him! Get the witch!

Time to booketh!

We shall test this witch

By dunking it in the lake!

You know, I'm not supposed to go swimming

Until an hour after I eat.

Since thou will not confesseth thy witchery,

We must testeth thee...

Using my patented alden bitteroot

Witch washing anchor.

If you don't buy one, you're a witch!

All: ooh!

If ye sink and drown, then ye be human.

But if thou dost die, ye are a witch!

What?! That makes no sense!

Not to a witch.

I wish there was a way for me to breathe underwater!

Thanks, guys!

Come on! We have to expose bitteroot

For the fake that he is!

Once more, we are gathered here

To honor the man who has yet again

Swept another witch away from our unnamed town--

Alden bitteroot.

[Townspeople cheering]

Now here's ezekiel with sports.

It's bitteroot , witches zero.

Back to you, mayor!

Thanks, zeke. And as a reward

For saving our sorry hides,

Have some more gold.

Don't mindeth if I doeth.

Timmy: not so fasteth, you big fake!

[All gasp]

What?! You survived?

Thou must be a witch!

Or a kid who can swim.well, there's that.

You're just scaring people to make them pay you

To find witches that don't even exist!

What of the log that said naught in its own defense

And was justly burnt to an ash?

Townspeople: the log! Yeah, the log.

And the duck, which was justly roasted

To a tender golden brown.

Oh, brother!

[Burps]

His hat! It doth belch!

Surely he must be a witch!

Yaaah!

[Townspeople yelling]

Why am I running when I could be poofing?

Get me out of here!

[Pfffft]

Hey! My wand's not working!

[Pfffft]

Something's blocking our magic!

Maybe thereisa witch in this unnamed town.

We've got to find the real witch!

It's got to be around here somewhere.

[Women cackling]

[Cackling]

Come on, grandma.

You've been hogging the ride all day.

Timmy: I just know there's a witch in this town.

There. Perfect.

Nice and clean, eh, kitty?

[Meow]

Alden bitteroot,

I accuseth thee of beingeth a witch!

Aah!

Thou art mad! Mad, I sayeth!

Oh? Then why don't your feet touch the ground?

[All gasp]

Many of us were quite perplexed about that.

Thou hast ruined my plan to taketh over this town!

[Thunder]

[Laughing evilly]

Prepareth to perish under the witchery of alden bitteroot!

Townspeople: aaah!

[Laughing]

Bid farewell to thy belching hat and nagging coat!

No one doth have the courage

To helpeth thee now, child!

Ooh!

[Grunting]

Gah!

Thou shalt pay for that effrontery, dale dimm! Aah!

Yucketh! I haveth a witch on my foot!

[Screaming]

[Sighs]

Wow. That's one deep well.

Mayor: young witch-hunter,

How canst we of the town with no name

Ever thank thee for ridding us of that witch

Andthe creation of a portable way

To dineth upon meat and cheese?

Don't thank me.

He's the hero that stopped the witch--

Dale dimm!

[British accent] well, I do say, it was nothing, really,

Though I am quite flattered.

So be it! From this day forth,

We shall name this town daleburg!

Uh, how about dimmsdale?

That works, too!

Townspeople: huzzah!

[Bitteroot screaming]

Great! Now, can you all just kind of scrunch together?

Ok, now smile!

A.j.: Man, this portrait is exquisite!

It almost looks like a photo.

Where did you find this?

Uh, internet?fine with me.

My alden bitteroot float wouldn't have been nearly this cool.

This is going to be the best dimmsdale founder's

And invention of the sandwich day parade ever!

It sure is nice to celebrate founder's day

Next to the actual well where alden bitteroot fell.

[Panting]

Finally, after all these years!

[Munching]

Aah!

They say if you listen closely,

You can still hear the history.

[Screaming]