06x05 - The Fairly Oddlympics

[bunniefuu]

[jazzy music]

♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and Dad and Vicky

♪ Always giving him commands

[Vicky] Bed, twerp!

♪ But gloom and doom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality they are his ♪

♪ Oddparents

♪ Fairly Oddparents

[Wanda] Wands and wings!

[Cosmo] Floaty crowny things!

♪ Oddparents

♪ Fairly Oddparents

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

[Timmy] Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

giant snake, birthday cake, large fry, chocolate shake!

♪ Oddparents

♪ Fairly Oddparents

♪ It flips your lid when you're a kid ♪

♪ With Fairly Oddparents!

Yeah, right!

♪♪

♪♪

[ducks honking][stars warbling]

[fairy blowing]

[duck-zookas booming][ducks quacking]

[arcade machines beeping]

[Timmy chugging]

Ah!

Thanks for bringing me to Fairy World, guys!

I've been wanting to try the food

at Jorgen's Pizza and duck-zooka Parlor for a long time.

[duck quacking]Duck!

[duck crashing]

Cool, and if the duck-zooka action is this good--

[duck quacking][fairy whooping]

I bet the pizza's gonna be amazing!

[door thudding]

[Jorgen] You're duck-tooting it is!

Behold, my new Pain Lover's Pizza,

piled high with barbed wire and sandbags!

Try a piece![Timmy moaning]

[grenade booming]

The land mine-stuffed crust gives it extra zip!

It's a no-man's land of flavor!

Y'know, once you get past the seared flesh,

it's actually pretty good!

Pretty good?

Well, would you say it's the Greatest Pizza in the Universe?

♪♪[doors slamming]

[Head Pixie] Don't answer that, Turner,

not until you try our new creation.

Behold, the Money Lover's Pizza,

it's the pizza that pays you back!

[cash register dinging]

[whistle blaring]

[slot machine dinging]

[slot machine dinging][coins clattering]

Jackpot!

[Timmy gagging][coins clattering]

Now tell me that's not better

than Jorgen's slice of pure rabbit droppings.

[doors slamming]

[Anti Cosmo] Don't say a word, Timmy Turner,

not until you've tried--

[Anti Wanda] Our Friday the th Lover's Pizza!

[Timmy yelping]

It's the pizza that gives you bad luck!

[Timmy gulping]

[air whistling][anvil clanging]

[safe crashing]

[piano thudding]

♪♪

[Cupid yelping][duck quacking]

[safe dial whirring]

Turner, tell them that pizza made by Fairies

is the best in the universe!

No, tell Jorgen that Anti-Fairy pizza

is the best in the universe!

No, mine!

No, mine is better! Are you mad?

Oh, please! Bring it on!

What about my pizza? Don't make me use this!

[expl*si*n booming]

[ducks quacking]

Back off!

Timmy's tired of being the guinea pig

in your Who's the Best in the Universe contests!

But Wanda, Timmy's not a Fairy, Pixie, or an Anti-Fairy,

which makes him the perfect judge!

Well, what about an Anti-Fairy godchild?

Go blow up their mouth!

We don't have godchildren!

We're the opposite of Fairies, remember?

And I'm surrounded by Pixies

who tell me what I wanna hear all day.

Watch.[phone dials beeping]

Who's the greatest?

[Pixie helpers] You are sir.

Suck-ups.

Fine, you really wanna know which of you

is the greatest in the universe?

Then we'll find out the way we do it on Earth!

We're gonna get everyone on a level playing field

and test their strength, endurance,

and ability to look good in tight stretchy pants,

'cause it's time for the first ever Fairy World Games!

[duck-zooka booming][duck quacking]

[Binky] Sorry!

♪♪[crowd cheering]

Welcome everyone to the first ever Fairy World Games!

Timmy Turner here, along with my partner,

Olympic figure-skating gold-medalist and dreamboat,

Scott Hamilton!

[magical booming]

[Scott] Uh, where am I?

How did I get here?

You're in a dream, roll with it.

And today we'll bring you exciting coverage

of what's sure to be a momentous and magical competition!

It doesn't feel like a dream.

It is, so start announcing, Skater Boy!

Uh, well, I, I, uh, here come the teams!

[crowd cheering]

[fanfare trumpeting]

[Scott] First up, the Anti-Fairies,

who are looking awfully evil today.

[cats yowling]

[air whistling]

[objects thudding][crowd yelping]

[Timmy] And here come the Pixies,

a formidable foe with a tonne of dough!

[metal clanging]

And here come the Fairies!

Uh, I mean, Fairy?

Hey, why is Jorgen all alone?

I mean, let's go down to Wanda in the stands

for more on this story!

Hi, Timmy, it's Wanda here in the stands!

It's a known fact that Jorgen is an ego-maniac

and won't let any of us other Fairies

participate in these games!

That is because I am the only Fairy

with any athletic ability who looks good in stretchy pants,

so, only I can win!

Hey, I can win, I'm great at sports, watch!

Yipe![air whooshing]

Maybe Jorgen's right.

Back to you Timmy and Scott!

Why am I having this dream?

Because I need a famous gold medal co-host

and Brian Boitano was busy!

Okay, now let the Games begin!

♪♪

[magical whooshing]

[crowd cheering][fireworks booming]

Our first event is a test of strength and flame resistance!

So, let's see who takes home

the gold medal in Dragon Lifting!

[Anti-Fairies grunting]

[tail thudding][Anti-Fairies yelping]

[Timmy] Ooh, bad luck for the Anti-Fairies!

And here come the Pixies!

[Pixie Helpers grunting]

[fire whooshing]

Who just got fired!

[dragon roaring]

[Scott] It doesn't look like

anyone can win this competition!

But wait![crowd cheering]

[laughing] I win!

♪♪

[crowd cheering]

Looks like I'll be draggin' around

a bunch of gold medals today!

Get it, dragon?

[laughing] Even my sense of humor is pure gold!

[chuckling] No, it's not.

Now it's time for Rainbow Jumping!

♪♪

[slide whistle whistling]

[magical dinging][crowd cheering]

And Jorgen wins again!

Now off to the North Pole Vault!

♪♪[wind whistling]

[Anti-Cosmo yelling]

[Jorgen grunting]

[HP thudding]

[pole snapping][Anti-Cosmo yelping]

[Jorgen] Yes!

[Jorgen laughing]

[magical dinging]

♪♪

Clink, clink, clink!

Hey, Jorgen, now that you've proven how great you are,

how about giving some other Fairies

a chance to compete in the Games?

Hmm, let me think, Turner.

Okay, done.

Never![Timmy yelping]

[Timmy crashing]

Now, where was I?

Oh yes, laughing and clinking!

[Jorgen laughing][medals clinking]

Clink, clink, clink!

Excuse me, Mr. Von Strangle?

We're two innocent girlies who are your biggest fans!

[Head Pixie] Would you mind if we took your picture

with this unusually large camera?

Well, seeing as you're both very unattractive

and this would be the highlight of your lives, okay!

♪♪[whip cracking]

Cheese!

[frying pan clanging][Jorgen groaning]

[Jorgen crashing]

Hey, it's raining knocked out Jorgens!

Now I can compete in the games!

You mean lose the games.

After all, you Fairies know you're nothing without Jorgen.

That's not true, Fairies are amazing,

and they can totally beat you without Jorgen!

Oh, really?

Care to put your money where your bucktoothed mouth is?

Bring it on!

Okay, if the Fairies win, like you say,

we'll do anything you want.

Sounds fair.

But if the Anti-Fairies win,

you accompany me back to Anti-Fairy World

and will be my evil godchild forever!

Come again?

And if the Pixies win, you will

accompany me[phone ringing]

back to Pixie World and be my evil office boy forever.

Don't do it, sport, because there is a good chance

we really do stink

without Jorgen![Cosmo yelping]

Yes, don't do it, Turner, because--

♪♪[HP and Anti-Cosmo clucking]

You're on!

[both] What?

[Fairies gasping]

Timmy, that's crazy!

I'm Commander Kluck-Kluck, chicken king of this dream!

No, that's crazy, but what's also crazy

is that you guys don't believe you can beat those morons!

And besides, thanks to Jorgen, we have a five-medal lead!

There's no way we can lose!

Now come on, next up is Magic Track and Field!

Awesome, I'm great at track and field, watch!

[Cosmo yelping]

Wow, my glutes look fantastic!

♪♪[crowd cheering]

[duck-zooka booming][duck quacking]

Yay, I'm winning, I'm winning!

Go, Binky, yeah![fairies cheering]

I told you the Fairies would win!

Yay, I'm cheating, I'm cheating!

[magical chiming][hurdle warbling]

[Binky yelping]

[fire whooshing][Binky screaming]

[Anti-Wanda panting][Pixie Helper panting]

Yeehaw!

[crowd cheering]

[Anti-Cosmo laughing]

[scoreboard dinging]

[April Fool] Are you sure about this?

I'm much better with punchlines than punching.

Just remember, keep your gloves up

and no hitting below the belt!

Remember, fill your gloves up with gold bars

and hit below the belt!

[bell ringing]

[gold clanging][April Fool yelping]

[April Fool crashing]

[scoreboard dinging]

Now it's time for Cloud Diving!

Cannonball!

[cannon booming]

[air whooshing]

[water splashing]

♪♪

Ha!

Watch me beat those scores by performing my triple-spinning,

mocha-swirling grande latte dive!

I will melt the judges' hearts!

♪♪

♪♪

Not if we melt you first!

[fire whooshing]

[scoreboard whirring]

[Timmy babbling]

[Timmy thudding]

Aye Carumba!

After events I am loving my dream,

but mi amigo Timmy is freaking out

because the Anti-Fairies and Pixies are on fire!

Hey, we're on fire, too, we're just not winning.

Wake up, wake up, we're losing!

Hello, future evil godchild!

Look, I've already picked you out some evil shorts

for when we go to ball games, go fishing,

and take over the universe!

And I've brought you some evil office supplies.

Look, an evil cell phone that connects to me directly.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

[Head Pixie] Hi, Timmy.

♪♪

[Timmy screaming]

Dude, relax, it's just a dream.

♪♪

but we're going up against

the greatest cheaters in the universe!

But, look on the bright side, Timmy.

You have nice knees and are totally workin' those shorts!

And you guys are gonna win 'cause I'm your new coach!

First, I wish these stupid shorts were gone!

[magical chiming]

Second, I wish I had my normal clothes back!

[magical chiming]

Third, you're gonna start believing in yourselves

and not what Jorgen says about you.

And fourth, we're gonna beat those cheaters

by uncheating their cheating cheating!

What did he say?

I think he wants a cheetah.

Okay.[magical chiming]

[cheetah snarling]

[Timmy screaming][both crashing]

Timmy's right, Fairies rule!

[Wanda] Let's do this!

Tight stretchy pants for everyone!

♪♪[magical popping]

[fairies cheering]

The still-dreaming Scott Hamilton here

reporting that Timmy Turner is now coaching the Fairy Team!

[Scott] But down by nine medals with only events left,

he'll need to sweep them all

or it's back in evil shorts forever!

So, let's go down to the field

'cause it's time for the -Meter Peppermint Sprint!

And it's time for me to play this banjo!

♪♪

Ha, is this a great dream or what?

♪♪

[Mama Cosma] Are you sure you want me to run, Timmy?

It's time for my beauty nap.

And that's what I'm counting on.

[duck-zooka booming][duck quacking]

[Anti-Cosmo and HP grunting]

♪♪

[Mama Cosma snoring]

[air whistling]

I wish I had a pillow!

You want down, cotton or memory foam?

What?

I take beauty naps, too!

[air whistling]

[Mama Cosma snoring]

[Anti-Cosmo and HP panting]

Fairies win!

[scoreboard dinging]

Nice win, Turner, but enjoy it,

because it will be your last.

You can't outsmart a cheating cheater

while they cheat!

Oh, you want a cheetah, too?

Fine![magical chiming]

[cheetah snarling]

[cheetah yowling][Anti-Cosmo yelping]

[all crashing][Anti-Cosmo and HP yelling]

Next event, Archery!

Ooh, pick me, coach, I'm great, watch!

[Cosmo yelping]

Actually, I've got the perfect man for the job!

♪♪[air whooshing]

Stand back and watch the love doctor operate!

Nurse!

♪♪

[sunlight whooshing]

[yelping] My corneas!

I need a mirror!

Dental, funhouse, or compact?

[sunlight whooshing]

[both] [yelping] Our corneas!

♪♪

Hello, bullseye, the doctor will see you now.

[bowstring reverberating]

[arrows thudding]

♪♪[crowd cheering]

[scoreboard dinging]

Yay!

Time for Spastic-Fantastic Gymnastics.

I need a Fairy that's nimble and likes to backflip!

Ooh, ooh, pick me, coach, I can totally flip!

[Cosmo yelping][object shattering]

I'm not sure what just happened.

Anybody else?

Poof, Poof, Poof!

[Timmy] Okay, Poof, no pressure,

but if you don't get perfect 's, we lose,

I become an office boy, and you won't get this lollipop!

Now go get 'em!

[Poof babbling]

[Poof] Whee, whee!

Yeah, oof!

Ta-da!

[crowd cheering]

They gave him perfect 's.

Not if we give them a perfect million.

♪♪

I need a blow dryer!

For head, chest or pits?

Cash dismissed!

[blow dryer whirring]

♪♪

[Poof] Yeah!

[scoreboard dinging]

Sir Scott Hamilton here leading my mighty ostrich army

saying if this wasn't a dream, I'd say I was dreaming

because the Fairies have made an amazing comeback!

We're all tied up with one event left

and the big question is, can the Pixies and Anti-Fairies

still win against a Fairy dream team that seems unbeatable?

I need the perfect athlete for this last

tie-breaking event, the One Million Year Dash!

Ooh, ooh, pick me, Timmy!

I'm great racing through time, watch!

[grandfather clock crashing][Cosmo yelping]

Cosmo, you're my man!

[fairies gasping][Jorgen] What?

[gasping] I just had the most horrible nightmare!

I dreamt that the games were tied up,

Scott Hamilton was on an ostrich,

and Turner picked Cosmo for the last event!

And you were there and you were there.

But now I shall resume my role

as the only Fairy who can win!

And let's commemorate the event by taking your picture!

[Jorgen] Cheese!

[frying pan clanging][Jorgen groaning]

[Cupid and Binky yelping]

[Jorgen crashing]

Timmy, I must say two things.

One, I am incredible to look at!

Two, Cosmo over Jorgen?

Are you loco?[cuckoo clocks chiming]

Hey, Cosmo's the man I love!

But Timmy, are you loco?[cuckoo clocks chiming]

Trust me, I know what I'm doing!

[Cosmo's head thudding]

This is it, the final event, the Million Year Dash!

[Scott] The runners will have to conquer

the ultimate obstacle course

by passing through a time portal

and dashing through a million years of history.

And I've gotta juggle these flaming armadillos!

♪♪

Turner, I knew you were stupid--

But this takes the taco, we're racing Cosmo!

Don't be so cocky, Cosmo will beat you fair and square!

[slide whistle whistling]♪♪

Has anyone seen my body?

Cosmo, focus, you're running the biggest race of my life!

You got it, Timmy, and you won't be sorry you picked me!

[duck-zooka booming][duck quacking]

♪♪

[magical warbling]

Because I'm laser-focused, nothing will distract me

because when that duck-zooka goes off, oh boy, I'm gonna--

[everyone except Cosmo] Run, Cosmo, run!

What?

[Cosmo screaming]

[magical warbling] It will be so nice to win.

Perhaps you could come have dinner

with me and my new evil godchild this evening!

We're serving up a huge bowl of you lose!

[Anti-Cosmo laughing]

The only thing you'll be eating today

is my dust![phone ringing]

Later, dude!

[scooter engine revving]

Hey, that's cheating!

I like it!

[Anti-Cosmo laughing]

♪♪[ship engine revving]

♪ La la la la le le la la le la ♪

Portals are swirly!

♪♪[air whooshing]

[laser zapping]

[laser warbling]

[air whooshing]

I don't know what's everyone's so worried about,

this is a piece of cake!

[T-rex snarling]

[T-rex roaring]Okay, I quit!

[Cosmo screaming]

♪♪[air whooshing]

[laser warbling]

[laser zapping]

[air whooshing]

[Cosmo screaming]

[thudding][grunting]

[King Arthur] Who dares enter King Arthur's Camelot?

'Tis I, Sir Scared-a-lot?

Sir Scared-a-lot?

What can I do to put you on one of my camels today?

I got a two-humped beauty here

with low mileage and power steering!

[Cosmo sniffing]

Hey, it's got that new camel smell!

Giddy-up, humpy!

[camel grumbling][yelping] Bad, humpy!

[Cosmo screaming]

[cannons booming]

[air whistling][soldiers yelping]

[cannonballs crashing]

[George] Must chop Redcoats!

[air whooshing]

[laser warbling]

[laser zapping]

[Cosmo screaming]

We're out of cannonballs, the w*r is lost!

I'm lost, too!

Have you seen a swirly portal around here

and maybe my torso?

Wait, we'll use this talking green cannonball!

[George sniffing]

Hey, it's got that new camel smell!

Scott here, back with you at the finish line,

and we're waiting for our racers to return.

Who will be first?

It's the Anti-Fairies followed by the Pixies!

And no sign of Cosmo!

Anti-Fairies rule!

Wrong again, punk.

[remote beeping]

[metal clanging][Anti-Cosmo yelping]

[Head Pixie laughing]

[magical whooshing][Anti-Cosmo groaning]

[metal clanging][HP groaning]

It looks like cheating has stopped our two leaders!

But it hasn't stopped us for long.

♪♪

And it's neck and neck to the finish, but where is Cosmo?

Where are you, Cosmo? I don't wanna wear evil shorts!

Must sh**t ball!

[cannon booming]

[air whooshing][Cosmo screaming]

[Redcoats groaning][Redcoats thudding]

[Cosmo screaming]

[Scott] And it looks like it's going to be a photo finish!

[gasping] I just had a dream

there was going to be a photo finish and I wasn't in it!

[Scott] Who will win?

Who will be the Fairy World Games Champion?

♪♪[Cosmo grunting]

[air whooshing][camera clicking]

[Scott] It's Cosmo by a head!

[crowd cheering][scoreboard dinging]

[fireworks booming]

[all cheering]

[Cosmo yelping]

Congratulations, Cosmo, I knew you could do it!

Thanks, Timmy, but it's you who really deserves the gold.

For showing us that if we believe in ourselves,

and cut our heads off, we can all

cross that finish line first!

But how did you know Cosmo could do it?

He's the weakest and least attractive of us all!

Which is why HP and Anti-Cosmo wouldn't bother

trying to cheat him, they just cheated each other!

You win these Fairy Games, Turner!

And our little bet!

So, what is it you want us to do?

Ooh, make them do something humiliating,

like streaking naked and chanting,

Fairies are the best, Fairies are the best,

with kick me signs glued to their buttocks!

Yes, that is good.

I'm gonna make them do

nothing.

[all] What?

I think they've learned their lesson,

that cheaters never win and winners never cheat!

You're a good man, Turner.

If you were my employee, I'd give you a promotion.

And if you were my godchild, I'd let you wear long pants!

Thanks, guys.

Hey, do you mind if we capture this moment with a picture?

[Jorgen] Ooh, let me get in!

Cheese!

[frying pan clanging]

[all thudding]

Sweet dreams!

Speaking of dreams, isn't it time

we sent Scott Hamilton back home?

♪♪

Oh yeah!

Cosmo, Wanda, make it so!

[magical chiming]

[magical booming]

Whoa!

I had a dream I was an announcer

in this weird magical athletic contest

and learned the lesson that when cheaters cheat,

they're only cheating themselves by being cheating cheaters.

I think he wants a cheetah, too.

Whatever![magical chiming]

[cheetah snarling]

[Scott screaming][cheetah yowling]

[objects crashing]

The thrill of victory, the agony of the cheetah!

[Cosmo yelping][Scott screaming]

♪♪

♪ Billionfold

[announcer] Inc!

[rivets clanging]

[girl] Frederator!

♪♪