09x03 - Turner & Pooch/Dumbbell Curve

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

- It's another great day, sparky.

A boy and his dog doing typical boy and his dog stuff.

Both: yahoo! Hey! Whoo!

[Screaming]

- I thought you said you could drive a stick.

- I said I could fetch a stick, not drive one.

By the way, I got you something for being

The world's best pet owner.

- Is it a t-shirt that says, "world's best pet owner"?

- No. It's some trick dice I got at a pawn shop.

- Uh, thanks, sparky.

- I got them because getting you as an owner

Was the luckiest thing that's ever happened to me.

Also, I like to cheat at shatzee.

- My fairy detector is picking up

A new source of magic.

Could it be turner's gotten another fairy?

And mother mocked me for spending

Another spring break crouched in the sewer.

This is huge!

But not as huge as that monster truck

Bearing down on me! Gah!

[Groans] the only thing that could make this worse

Is a large sewer worm.

- [Growls] - aah! The fear!

- Thanks for poofing up the monster truck, you guys.

You can get rid of it now.

- No can do, sport, because someone ruined our wands

By putting them in the dishwasher.

- It wasn't someone, wanda. It was me.

Besides, you said you wanted the dishes to sparkle.

- They're gonna do a lot more than sparkle!

[Both giggle]

- Honey, the dish ran away with the spoon!

- I ordered two new wands, but until they come in

We're gonna have to get by without magic.

- Aw, piece of cake, wanda.

Ooh, now I want a want a piece of cake!

Can you poof me up one?

No, you can't!

Because someone put our wands in the dishwasher.

Oh, right.

- You guys don't have magic?

- Don't worry.

That would only be a problem if one of your arch enemies

Showed up.

Like, let's say worst-case scenario, mr. Crocker.

[Doorbell rings] - oh, look!

Worst-case scenario showed up.

- Cleverly disguised as an exterminator,

I'll gain entry into turner's house

And find the source of the new magic.

Now to suppress my deep-seated fear of bugs.

Gah! A moth!

Run for your lives! Hold me!

I mean, hello! I'm an exterminator.

- Ooh! You must be here for the haunted dishes.

- Boy, this conversation's gotten weird quick.

[Beeping]

- Aah!

Sparky, mr. Crocker's bad news.

If he catches you, it's curtains.

[Beeping]

- Ooh! My fairy--i mean, termite detector's gone off!

- Oh, we don't have termites.

But we do have scorpions in the basement.

- Huh? What? Scorpions?

Well, I'm outta here.

[Screams]

Unh!

[Screams]

- That was close, guys!

When are you gonna get your new wands?

- Oh, fairy express just delivered them.

They were a little dirty,

So I threw them in the washing machine.

[Disco music]

♪

- So this is what happens when you mix whites with colors.

- Cosmo, you didn't have to clean our wands.

They were brand new!

- Think about it, wanda.

You always wash new stuff before you use it.

Would you put on new underwear without washing it first?

- [Screams]

- Speaking of underwear, there goes mine.

- And it's being chased by a spatula!

- That's weird. Spatulas don't wear underwear.

Except of course in europe, where everything's weird.

- You guys better order new wands stat.

Who knows when mr. Crocker will come back?

- My fairy detector has pinpointed the source

Of the new magic in the turner living room!

- Whatever it is must be blocked by that dog.

[Beeping]

- [Slurps]

Turns out I love having haunted kitchenware.

If only the dish hadn't run away with the spoon,

I could've had pudding.

- It's turner's dad! Of course!

There's no way that moron could've survived this long

Without being magic!

[Doorbell rings]

Out of my way, ordinary dog!

I'm after a magical middle-aged man!

- Whatever floats your boat, brah.

- Hello! I'm--um, denzelo crockero,

Famous italian burlap sack designer.

How would you like to model my new man sack?

- Ooh! Man sacks are all the rage!

I love the feel of this burlap!

It's like an itchy hug!

- Now to harvest your magic with my magic extractor!

[Grunting, yelling]

No magic in you!

That was the least productive thing

I've done all month,

And I spent spring break in a sewer.

[Upbeat music]

- Timmy, can we go outside and play?

- It's not safe, sparky.

If mr. Crocker tries something,

Cosmo and wanda can't protect us.

- Oh come on, it'll be fun!

The pants are outside playing with the gravy boat.

- Now that's a gravy stain just waiting to happen.

- Sorry, sparky, but we've got to stay inside

Until the new wands come in.

Let's all go get a snack.

I think my mom bought a new box of cookies.

- If it's new, you might want to wash it first.

[Horn honking]

- Ooh! Ice cream!

- Ehhh!

- [Screaming]

- Sorry! The costume shop was out of ice cream man outfits

So I went with the next logical choice--vampire.

Now to once and for all find out the source

Of the new magic in turner's house.

- One cone, please!

- A talking dog with a $ bill?

Wait a minute, I don't have change for a .

- It's okay.

I can eat $ worth of ice cream.

That's because I'm a fairy dog.

- Here you go!

Tell your friends to come to count creamery

For all their ice cream needs!

Wait! Did you say fairy dog?

Of course! I knew something was weird.

- I'll tell you what's weird.

Selling ice cream dressed as a vampire.

Anyway, can I get an extra cone

For my best friend timmy?

- You belong to turner?

You're the source of the new magic!

I mean, step right in and help yourself.

The extra cone is in that burlap sack.

This is perfect!

I may be too old to have fairy godparents,

But I'm not too old to have my very own fairy dog!

Not only are dogs man's best friend,

But mother's highly allergic!

So it's a win-win!

[Evil laugh]

- Here's some cookies, sparky.

I tried to put them on a plate, but it grabbed my dad's car keys

And drove away.

- Woo-hoo!

- Sparky? Where'd he go?

- Haven't seen him.

I've been busy making this high tech wand

Out of a celery stick and this sock

Filled with g*n powder.

Go ahead, timmy, make a wish.

- Well, i--

- Well, unless you wished for cosmo to blow up,

I'd say that wand's a bust.

- Guys, I'm worried.

Something tells me mr. Crocker may have gotten sparky.

- Is it this note from mr. Crocker that says,

"I got sparky"?

- Oh no! I gotta get to mr. Crocker's!

- We'd come help but we have to stay

And wait for our wands.

- Yeah, there's a $ charge to pick them up ourselves.

- Don't worry, guys.

I've got the perfect backup.

[Shimmering tone]

- That's right. Look at the spinning wheels.

From now on, I am your owner--

Not timmy turner.

- You are my owner. Not timmy turner.

- Excellent! What's your name, boy?

- Sparky. - That's a dumb name.

We need something hip and happening.

Something that says "winner".

From now on, your name is...

Herman.

- Really? Herman? That's what you're going with?

- Just look at the spinning wheels!

- Denzel! Dinner's ready!

- It's count creamery!

And I'm in the middle of hypnotizing a magic dog!

- You brought a dog into the house?

You know I'm highly allergic!

[Sneezes]

You're grounded! Go to your room.

- [Growls]

- Ah-choo!

Call off your beast, denzel!

Ah-choo!

Ah-choo, ah-choo!

[Screams]

- That was fantastic!

I can use this dog to destroy all of my worst enemies.

- I've only known you a short time,

But I'm pretty sure you're your own worst enemy.

- You're very insightful, herman.

Moving on. I'll start by having you take down

All the women who rejected me.

Starting with marcy pendergrast, who wouldn't lend me

Her crayons in the first grade.

Your happy life as a marginally successful paralegal

Is about to come to an end!

- Unhand my dog, you vampire!

Wait, why are you dressed as a vampire?

- You're too late, turner!

I've hypnotized your dog, and now he's only loyal to me.

Sic 'em, herman!

- Herman? Really? That's what you went with?

- [Growls]

- Come on, boy. It's me, timmy.

- I don't know you.

I belong to the weird vampire guy.

- It's count creamery!

- Don't you remember me, sparky?

Look, I have the trick dice you gave me.

- Timmy, it's you!

Both: shatzee!

- Nice try, mr. Crocker.

But sparky is my dog and always will be.

You're gonna pay for trying to take him away.

- I already paid to rent the ice cream truck

And this stupid costume.

I'm kinda tapped out.

- That's not the kind of pay I mean.

Get 'em boys!

- Gah! Floating utensils!

What's next? A spatula chasing underpants?

- [Screams]

- What do you know? It is next.

I was all over that!

[Screaming]

- Woo-hoo!

- Gah! A plate driving a station wagon!

Oddly, not the craziest part of my day. Gah!

- Let's go home, boy.

- Can we stop for ice cream first?

The vampire dropped his wallet.

- Good news, guys! I rescued sparky from crocker.

- We have good news, too, sport.

While you were gone, our new wands were delivered.

Where did you put them, cosmo?

- Well, they were new.

So of course I put them in the bathtub.

- Aah! Honey, you might wanna call the plumber!

This is what I get for shaving my legs in the tub!

- It's count creamery!

- Hey, sport. - Can't talk. Doing my homework.

- Good one, timmy.

But seriously, what are you doing?

- I'm really doing homework.

My grades are tanking, and I've gotta get them up

Before my next progress report.

- Okay, but seriously. What are you doing?

[Tires screeching]

- Timmy, mr. Crocker's unsuspecting van just pulled up.

- [Giggling]

- And a giant cake just got out of it.

- Finally! Something normal happened.

[Doorbell rings]

- Ooh! Our holiday fruitcake came early this year.

And it's huge!

- I'm not a fruitcake! I'm just a little different!

- Mr. Crocker? What are you doing here?

- Delivering your progress report in person.

Your grades are so bad, they take the cake!

Get it?

Oh, come on!

I was up all night baking this thing!

Here you go, turner. You got a "g"!

- Does that stand for good?

- No! It stands for,

"Gah! I can't believe you're that dumb!"

[Laughs]

That's funny! And it was just an ad lib.

Face it, turner.

If you don't shape up, you're gonna wind up in...

Summer school.

There was supposed to be thunder and lightning,

But I blew my budget on frosting.

- Summer school? Noooo!

- It's not so bad, timmy.

It's like camp but without the bee stings.

- Oh, there will be bee stings.

I probably shouldn't have said that out loud.

Unh!

- We heard about your grades, timmy.

- But on the upside, I got a slice of mr. Crocker's cake.

[Chomps] mmm...mmm!

Tastes like sadness with a hint of wasted life...

And coconut flakes.

No wait. That's hump dandruff.

- I can't go to summer school, guys.

And ewww!

Anyway, I've been working really hard,

And I think I aced my homework.

Wait. Where is my homework?

- [Slurps] I'm eating it, timmy.

That's what dogs do.

Look, I made alphabet soup out of your english homework.

- Doi-doi-doi-doi-doi!

- Sprinkle a little hump dandruff on that,

And you got something.

- I can't believe you destroyed my homework!

I don't have time to do it again before school tomorrow.

I'd have to be a super genius to do that.

Wait, that's it! I wish I was super smart!

Ow! My head hurts.

- That's 'cause your stupid pink hat's too tight

For your giant head.

- It's not my hat!

It's all this knowledge in my head.

This is scary! I know all these horrible facts.

Like the chances of a meteor hitting earth!

And what hot dogs are really made of!

[Grinding]

Change me back!

Face it--i'm just gonna have to stay up all night

And do my homework again.

Wait. Where are my books?

- Look, I made steamed math book choy.

- Doi-doi-doi-doi-doi! - Stay away from the book-choy.

The first chapter goes right through you.

[Gurgling]

Yai!

- Well, kids, I graded your homework.

And here's a shocker.

Timmy turner got a %.

- I did? All: woo-hoo!

- Don't be so quick to celebrate

With your boisterous school supplies, turner!

Unfortunately, your is--wait for it--

An "f"!

- How could I fail with a ?

- Because of the bell curve!

Everyone in class got a or above,

Which means when you average out the class grade,

Your is an "f"!

Huh. A giant "f" was supposed to

Fall from the ceiling and crush you.

[Screams]

- That's not fair!

- A fair is a place where they judge pigs, turner!

- But I worked really hard on my homework.

- Talk to the hump, chump. The face doesn't care!

See you in summer school!

Wear a beekeeper suit if you want to live.

[Evil laugh]

That was supposed to be a beehive!

- This is nuts!

Because of the bell curve,

The only way I can get a passing grade

Is if everyone in class were stupider than me.

- That's crazy, timmy.

I can't imagine anyone being stupider than you.

Ooh! I'm gonna pluck the gum off the tire of that moving bus!

[Honking]

[Screams]

[Chews] that was totally worth it.

- Guys, there's only one way for me to avoid summer school.

I wish everyone was stupider than me.

- I don't know, sport, this wish could be--

- I know. Dangerous, irresponsible, regrettable.

Blah, blah, blah!

Just wave the wand, woman.

I'm not getting any younger. Or smarter.

Awesome! Now everyone will be super stupid!

- I don't know what's in these hot dogs,

But they're even better than tire gum.

- Poop poop.

- [Spits] [laughs] he said, "poop."

That's hilarious!

Suddenly I find toilet humor hysterical!

[Laughter]

- [Evil laugh]

I'm gonna take you out with this chain saw, twerp!

Well, my work here is done.

Now I'm gonna go blow dry my hair.

[Screams]

- I got a new hat!

Unh! Gah! Unh!

Timmy, there seems to be a force field

Around the house.

- It's just a door, dad.

- Unh! [Groans]

Oh no! The lawn is crying.

I must've said something to upset it.

- Boy, my parents seem even dumber than usual.

But I can live with that as long as I don't

Have to go to summer school.

Straight "a"s, here I come!

[Class bell rings]

- Sorry I'm late, kids.

There was a force field around the school.

Anyway, I graded your tests.

Turner, you got a .

But since everyone else scored a or less,

You get an a-plus!

- Woo-hoo! And I didn't even study!

- You didn't need to!

With a , you should be teaching this class!

- So does this mean

I don't have to go to summer school?

- Of course you don't! Now have a hot dog!

[Alarm rings]

Darn it, I made the ceiling cry!

- This is awesome! I'm getting straight "a"s.

I even got an "a" on my science project,

And all I did was plug a light bulb into a hot dog.

- Hey, look. That hot dog has an idea!

- Poop poop.

[Laughter]

- All right, I'm in a room full of idiots.

But on the bright side, I'm doing great in school.

And there's no way any of this could possibly go wrong.

- This is chet ubetcha saying poop-poop.

Sorry, I just love that joke.

In other news, a giant muffin is hurtling toward the earth.

So grab your coffee cups and butter knives,

Because in one hour we're all gonna diiiiine!

- Oh, no! That's not a muffin. That's a meteor!

Guys, you gotta poof it away! Use your wands!

- This isn't a wand. It's a backscratcher.

[Zapping]

- That's not a backscratcher! It's a lollipop.

Ai-yee! Mmm. Burnt tongue flavor.

- You guys are useless.

I gotta warn everyone about the meteor.

- Ooh! Here comes the muffin.

- I hope it's bran.

I've been feeling a little backed up lately

From all the hot dogs.

- It's not a muffin! It's a meteor!

- Stop the crazy talk, timmy. You'll upset the cry baby lawn!

- What am I gonna do? I'm the only one smart enough

To stop the meteor from destroying the earth,

And I'm still getting s in math.

Gotta think, gotta think.

Wait. What if I blew it up?

I wished for a rocket once.

I bet it's still in my closet.

[Screams]

[Coughs]

- Hi, timmy. - It's mojo, my talking yo-yo.

Why did I ever stop playing with this?

- Stop! I'm gonna vomit!

- Oh, right. It has motion sickness.

Here it is! My talking rocket!

Oh no! It's out of fuel!

- I'm also afraid of heights.

- And you wonder why I never play with you.

- Go easy on the rocket. Everyone has their problems.

- I need all of my toys to be quiet

While I think of some way to fuel the rocket.

- I think this hot dog has an idea.

- That's it! If one hot dog can power a light bulb,

Then a thousand could power a rocket!

But where can I get a thousand hot dogs?

- Oh, timmy! Can I store these thousand hot dogs in your room?

Now that we're having a big muffin,

I don't need them anymore.

- Not now! I'm trying to think.

I mean, yes!

Yaa!

Okay, rocket, here's the last hot dog.

- You know I'm a vegetarian, right?

- Choke it back, stupid rocket!

I'm trying to save the world here!

Now blast off already!

- [Screaming]

[Flatulence]

Unh!

[Crowd cheering]

[Flatulence]

[Crowd whimpering]

- I stopped the meteor! I'm a hero!

- You scared away our muffin.

You're a monster! Get him!

- [Screams] - stupid force field!

- Ai-yee! This burnt tongue flavor

Never loses its delicious blistery appeal.

- Aah!

- Eee!

- Guys, I need you to focus.

I'm gonna say something and when I do,

I want you to shake your backscratcher and lollipop.

I wish everything was back to normal.

You didn't do it. - You didn't say "something."

- I wish everything were back to normal.

Something!

Okay, just to make sure that worked--wanda,

Do you want a hot dog?

- Are you kidding?

Do you have any idea what's in those things?

- I call dibs on wanda's then!

- Yay! It worked!

Everyone's smart again except cosmo.

Which means everything's back to normal!

[Crowd cheering]

- Timmy's a hero! He saved us from the meteor!

[Cheering continues]

[Flatulence]

- I can't stop! I've had too many hot dogs!

Ah...

[Flatulence]

Whoa!

Good news, everyone! I'm okay.

- Guys, I learned my lesson.

From now on, I'm gonna learn my lessons.

Without magic. Wait. Where are my books?

- Hey everyone! I made baby book ribs!

- Unh! Unh! Unh! [Groans]