09x14 - Let Sleeper Dogs Lie/Cat-Astrophe

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

- Miss idaho? - Yeah, denzel?

- Will you marry me?

- Yes, yes, yes!

And we can move to my father's solid-gold mansion.

Of course, you'd have to give up

Your stupid obsession with fairies.

- Ooh, let's see. A lifetime of happiness

With a millionaire beauty queen

Or continuing my quest to capture mythical creatures

That only I believe in?

Later, baby! Who needs you?

It's not like I'm gonna wind up living alone with my mother

Watching home movies of myself

Trying to figure out where I went wrong in my life.

Eat my gravel, toots!

[Laughs]

- Why?

- Well, here I am, living alone with my mother,

Watching home movies and trying to figure out

Where I went wrong in my life.

I have every moment of my pathetic existence on tape.

Mother never turned off the nanny cam

After my first nanny "disappeared."

Let's take another look-see at denzel crocker's loser reel.

Ah! Wait a minute!

These socks don't match!

And also, I had fairies!

I've been right all along. They do exist!

Okay, dig it.

It's my birthday, and mother got me another stupid tie,

So, for my next wish, I want a magic set, lazlo and brenda.

- For the th time, our names are cosmo and wanda.

- I don't care. Grant me my groovy wish!

- [German accent] denzel crocker.

Today you turn , and as the rules state,

I must now take your fairies away forever!

Happy birthday!

[Blows toy horn] - what? No!

I'll make you a deal.

How about I keep the fairies, and you take mother?

- No way! Your crazy mother is the reason

You needed fairies in the first place.

Now you're old enough to get therapy.

Your fairies are going to a new godkid.

- Well, I can't say it wasn't fun--

Mostly 'cause I'm not allowed to.

I signed a contract. Also, it wasn't fun.

- Denzel, in a matter of hours,

Your memory of your fairies will be gone forever.

- Ooh, I wish I could say the same

About our memories of him.

I mean, best fairy godkid ever!

- [Gasps]

Both: no!

- Hey, dude. I wrote you a song.

It's in a pitch only dogs and dolphins can hear.

[Fairy chimes sound, dolphin chirping]

Everyone's a critic.

- I had a magical dog too?

And he seems so familiar-- wait a minute!

[Microwave beeps] I left a burrito

In the microwave, and also, that's turner's dog!

- So jorgen thinks I'm done with fairies, eh?

Little does he know of my ingenious plan to get them back.

Behold, a fairy-tracking microchip!

- Far out. Does it come with a fairy-tracking onion dip?

- It's not that kind of chip, bozo!

Once I plant this on you and say the trigger word,

You'll instantly track down my fairies

And bring them back to me!

- I can't believe it! I did something smart!

Because of my clever pre-teen plan,

My ruined life may be saved after all!

- Okay.

The trigger word is "under"--

[Traditional middle eastern music]

Gah! The horror!

Mother taped over my video with her belly-dancing lessons!

[Grunting]

♪

Now, to use the trigger word on turner's dog

So he'll locate my former fairies!

All I have to do is figure out what comes after "under."

I don't want to alert turner,

So I'll take a super-subtle approach.

- Ah! - Underachiever!

- Mr. Crocker? What are you doing?

- Undertaker! - Okay.

- [Grunts] I got to do this quickly,

'Cause I don't have a lot of upper-body strength.

Underwater! Undercooked! Underpaid! Under a tuscan sun!

- Mr. Crocker, what's going on?

- Why do you ask? I don't pry into your life.

Undertow! Underdog! Underbelly!

Gah! Saying "underbelly" makes me think

Of mother's dancing belly!

Oh, fainting.

[Groaning]

Oh! [Wincing]

- That was weird. - And rude.

Why is timmy prying into mr. Crocker's life?

- He's up to something.

- Well, he was up about feet in the air.

Now he's stuck in a thorn bush.

- Darn it! [Wincing]

I'm stuck in this thorn bush,

And I'm not wearing any underpants!

[Echoing] underpants, underpants, underpants.

- Must get denzel crocker's fairies.

- Uh, sparky? Where are you going with my fairies?

- Timmy, can you explain to me why they call these "underpants"

When you clearly wear them on the outside?

- You know, the word "underpants"

Reminds me of my favorite song as a kid, the underpants dance!

♪ The underpants dance, come on and take a chance ♪

♪ Whether your name is billy or lance ♪

♪ You can do the underpants dance ♪

♪ Underpants, underpants, underpants, underpants ♪

- What's happening to sparky?

- He seems to go into a trance

Every time he hears the "u" word.

- But nobody said "asparagus."

- Mr. Crocker obviously knows something about sparky

That we don't.

- We could always check out my old home videos

To see if we can find out what happened.

I like to keep records of all my former owners

For tax reasons... And alibis.

[Ghost wailing]

- Zoinks, sparky!

- I got a rock.

- That's 'cause you're a victim, man.

People pick up on that.

- Okay, I know cosmo and wanda

Used to be mr. Crocker's fairies,

But sparky was his dog too?

Why didn't you guys say anything?

- We didn't remember, sport.

Fairies are notorious for having bad memories.

Why do you think I call you "sport" all the time?

I can't remember your name.

- Fairies' brains are filled with mostly helium.

It's how we float.

My voice is like this 'cause I got a slow leak.

- Okay, you'll bring my fairies back to me

Whenever you hear the trigger word,

And that word is "underpants."

- Must get denzel crocker's fairies.

- Oh, no! Mr. Crocker brainwashed sparky!

- My fairies! Good boy!

Now, give me my magic set, brenda and lazlo!

Oh, happy day!

- Nice try, denzel.

Not only am I taking your fairies away again,

But you can say hasta la vista

To your hippie dog and magic set too!

- Denzel, I'm going to do the dance of the seven veils.

- Gah! You're gonna need a lot more veils

To cover that belly!

Oh, fainting.

- Whoa. [Shudders]

You know what, guys? Despite everything evil

Mr. Crocker's ever done to me, I kind of feel bad for him.

I'd never want to lose you guys.

Guys?

I hate you, mr. Crocker!

- Undercarriage.

[Knock at door]

- I brought you the fairies. Treat, please.

- What? My plan worked!

I don't even know which "under" word did the trick.

But who cares? Lazlo and brenda have returned!

Boy, I missed you guys.

We had some good times together.

Well, reunion's over.

I'm gonna drain your magic with these scary-looking electrodes.

Let's get this party started!

- A party? We should do the underpants dance!

♪ The underpants dance, it's a jaunty little prance ♪

♪ You can do it in england or france ♪

♪ Everybody do the underpants dance ♪

Just the ladies!

- Psst! Sparky!

- Now hit the switch, dog!

- Sparky, no! Underpants!

Sparky, help. You have to save cosmo and wanda.

- Not a chance, turner!

Now that I know the trigger word,

I can control the dog.

Underpants.

- Two can play at this game. Underpants!

- I'm gonna need to put a muzzle on you.

Underpants!

- Underpants!

- Underpants! - Underpants!

- Underpants!

- [Shuddering]

- Gah! The love handles! [Whimpers]

[Grunts]

Both: timmy!

- Underpants!

- Timmy, what's going on?

What am I doing in the crocker cave?

And why do I feel like I've been

Under the tuscan sun for too long?

- I'll explain later. Just untie cosmo and wanda.

Guys, poof us out of here before mr. Crocker wakes up.

- You got it, uh, sport. - Timmy!

- I should write that down.

- Ah! The humanity! Oh, faint.

[Sighs] ay!

- I had the worst nightmare. You were there and tommy.

- Timmy!

- You should write that down, brenda.

- Okay, guys, to keep mr. Crocker

From activating sparky again,

We have to take out his microchip.

I think I got it.

No, that's a potato chip.

Mm, poker chip.

Basket of fish and chips.

I got it! The microchip!

I wish this thing was gone forever.

It's great to have the three of you back,

But I can't help but feel a little bad for mr. Crocker.

How about we poof him up the magic set he always wanted?

- The magic set I've always wanted!

First thing I'm going to do is saw mother in half.

Then I'm going to do a trick from the magic set.

Oh, who am I kidding?

My obsession with fairies has once again ruined my life.

- Hello, denzel.

I'm still single 'cause I've been waiting for you.

Also, I have a rare genetic condition

That prevents me from aging.

- Amazing! What do I have to do to get you back?

- Just give up your silly obsession with fairies,

And I'm all yours.

- Get lost, poseur!

- [Screams] it's dark down here.

- As long as lazlo, brenda, and the unnamed dog are out there,

I'll never quit!

But first, I'm gonna play with my magic hat.

- [Roars]

- Gah! Why?

All: underpants!

- Timmy, why are we at the loony bin?

- This isn't the looney bin, sparky.

It's the retirement home

For actors who played superheroes on tv.

They call it the home of justice...

Justice, justice.

Anyway, we're here to celebrate the birthday

Of the greatest tv superhero of all time--catman!

[Cat screeches]

- And I'm here to meet all my favorite tv superheroes.

They're the people who made it cool

To wear underwear over your pants.

- You sure it's safe for you guys to be in fairy form here?

Never mind. You're good. - Ooh!

I think I see butterfly boy. I got to get his autograph.

- I don't remember his show. - Yeah, he never had a show.

He's just a mad man who dresses up like a butterfly.

- [Laughs]

- We'll go get butterfly boy's autograph and see you at home.

- Now to find catman's room.

- Nurse, the litter box in my hero lair needs changing!

- Found him.

Happy birthday, catman.

- Hi, timmy.

I was just sharpening my claws of justice.

I never know when I'm gonna have to defend the world from evil...

Or open a can of tuna.

- Right. Well, I brought you a birthday gift.

- Yay. Thank you, citizen!

Holy office supplies!

It's my archnemesis, household tape!

Meow.

Off...tape...now.

[Grunting]

[Crash] my tail.

- Hey, timmy, I scored a free lunch in the cafeteria.

They're serving salisbury steak and teeth in a glass.

- Stand back, timmy. You're in terrible danger.

- Uh, no, it's okay. That's just my dog sparky.

- You've been brainwashed, timmy.

That fiend is my other archnemesis, dogman!

He's used you to locate my lair so he can destroy me.

He's probably been working with household tape

This entire time.

- I think someone needs to up his medicine of justice.

- Catman, dogman isn't real.

He's a villain from the catmantv series.

- And I swore with every fiber of my sandpapery tongue

That one day, I'd throw him behind bars.

Prepare to be bow-wowed by my crime-fighting skills,

You canine criminal!

Oh, no, the tape is back!

They are working together!

Stumble! Fall! Oh, ah.

I'm safe in here.

- Butterfly boy's got to be here somewhere.

- Take that, evildoers!

- Oh, no! Butterfly boy's captured us!

- Yay!

No, wait. Boo!

- No one can escape my net of righteousness.

Also, no one can escape looking at pictures of my grandkids.

And I just got the twins' bar mitzvah photos!

Both: no!

- You know, I love me some catman,

But thank goodness we don't have to see him

For another year.

- There's the dog fiend now.

I'll lure him out with my squirrel puppet, mr. Nuts,

Then zap him with my trusty cat-a-prod.

Meow.

Now to perform some hyperrealistic rodent noises

With my superhero vocal cords.

Squirrel noise, chewing nuts, squeak, squeak.

- Squirrel! I'd love to chase you,

But you're attached to a wacko's wrist.

- Someone's taught that old dog some new tricks.

I won't give up till I've captured him

And timmy's safe.

Gee, it's a long way down.

[Siren blaring]

- Thank you, handsome fireman.

I'm gonna need you to go back up that tree for mr. Nuts.

Plan "b"-- I'll lure him away from timmy

With the one thing dogs can't resist,

Extra-chunky organic peanut butter.

- Ooh, peanut butter.

This better be extra-chunky and organic.

[Grunts]

- Now I'm going to take you to the cat cave for questioning,

Once that handsome fireman gets here.

So...

Crazy weather we're having, huh?

Talk, dogman! It's meow or never.

- Can I take your orders?

- Wait a minute. I thought you were taking me to the cat cave.

- You're in the cat cave.

It's a swanky jazz club on the pier.

This place is the cat's meow.

I met my third wife here.

You know what they say-- cats have nine wives.

- Yeah, I don't think they say that, dude.

- We'll take two club sodas

And, uh, let's see--

Do you want to split some calamari?

- Sure, weirdo.

- Now, tell me-- where have you hidden

Your fiendish secret w*apon, the pit bull-dozer?

- I don't know where the pit bull-dozer is,

But I did bury mrs. Turner's pot roast in their yard.

Trust me, I was doing timmy a favor.

- Sparky, mom's looking for her pot roast.

Sparky? [Telephone ringing]

This is turner. Speak your business.

- Timmy, it's catman. - Oh, boy.

- I've captured dogman, and you're safe from danger.

Also, this calamari is top-notch.

- Wait. What?

- They use an incredible blend of exotic spices.

- No, the other thing!

- I'm taking dogman to the home of justice

And putting him down.

- Catman, I told you, that's not dogman.

That's my dog sparky!

[Jazz music playing] - I can't hear you, timmy.

The jazz band's warming up. Catman out.

- Oh, no. Catman's taken this way too far.

Cosmo, wanda, help!

Guys?

- Can you believe it?

I paid for the entire bar mitzvah,

And all I got was this stupid t-shirt.

- "I got rocked like a hurricane

At ruben and saul's bar mitzvah."

- I'd rather be in a hurricane than looking at these pictures.

- And...

That's the last one.

[Both sigh with relief]

- You think those photos were good,

I've got some great ones from their baby naming.

Here's the shirt.

- "I cut a rug and a little something else

At ruben and saul's bris."

- Looks like I got to save my dog without magic,

And the only way to do that is to prove to catman

That sparky's not the real dogman.

[Clears throat]

- Who goes there?

- Hi, mr. Dogman.

I was down the hall visiting catman,

And now he's convinced that my dog is you.

- What? Catman's here?

I've spent the last years looking for him,

And he's been right down the hall?

Now I can finally destroy him using my pit bull-dozer!

- Okay, that's not the part of the story

That I need you to focus on.

Besides, the pit bull-dozer's just a prop

From the catmanshow.

- I bark to differ.

The pit bull-dozer is real and sitting in the parking lot.

[Laughs evilly] bark, bark, bark, bark.

- Sparky was right. This is the loony bin.

Ugh! Stupid doggie door!

- Now to annihilate catman!

Where's my henchman, the seeing eye dog,

When I need him?

- Aah!

- Okay, who's ready for slides of my trip to boca?

- What are you guys doing here? - Being bored to death.

Seriously, who takes pictures

Of their grandkids' first haircut?

- We got to rescue sparky before catman puts him down!

- He's gonna insult him? - No, annihilate him!

He's in terrible danger.

- But how are we ever gonna get away from butterfly boy?

- I don't know-- we could just walk fast.

- Wait! Stop! Come ba--

Oh, tired.

[Snores]

- [Purring] - sparky, you're okay!

- Timmy, explain to me how sparky's in danger?

- I was in danger, but no senior citizen

Can stay awake past :. - [Snoring]

- Guys, poof us out of here!

- Not so fast, dogman!

- He's not dogman!

- Come on, timmy, I know dogman when I see him,

And nothing can convince me otherwise...

Except that.

Holy catnip!

It's the real dogman on the pit bull-dozer.

- I guess that floating thug really is your dog, timmy.

- Prepare to meet your breeder, catman!

- Timmy, stand back while I claw out some justice!

- Oh, no, timmy!

He's about to be as canceled as his series.

- I got to help him.

I wish catman had all the powers he had on his tv show.

- You're hiss-tory, dogman!

Ha ha ha ha!

- Aah!

Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark.

- And now to use my sonic purr to put you back in your crate!

Purr!

- Bark!

[Grunting]

Barky-bark! Ruff, ruff!

- And once again, good triumphs over evil.

You're gonna be in that crate for a long time, dogman.

- No problem. There's a soup bone in here.

[Jazz music]

- Sorry I mistook you for dogman, sparky.

- Well, that's okay, dude. You're just dumb.

- Gee, thanks for understanding.

- Can I take your order? - You want to get the calamari?

- No, let's get the tuna tots!

- By the way, you never paid your bill last time.

- That'll be $..

- Can you get this, timmy?

I left my wallet with mr. Nuts.

Squirrel noise!