09x13 - Weirdos on a Train/Tons of Timmys

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Timmy is an average kid

♪ That no one understands

♪ Mom and dad and vicky always giving him commands ♪

- Bed, twerp!

- ♪ The doom and gloom up in his room ♪

♪ Is broken instantly

♪ By his magic little fish who grant his every wish ♪

♪ 'Cause in reality

♪ They are his oddparents

♪ Fairly oddparents

- Wands and wings.

- Float-y crown-y things.

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ Really mod, pea pod, buff bod, hot rod ♪

- Obtuse, rubber goose, green moose, guava juice,

Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake!

- ♪ Oddparents, fairly oddparents ♪

♪ It flips your lid when you are the kid ♪

♪ With fairly oddparents

- Yeah, right.

- Ah, a dinkleberg-free day.

[Humming] - morning, turner.

I took the liberty of changing your oil.

- You monster. I liked my old oil.

This is worse than the time you gave me that blood transfusion

To save my life.

I liked my old blood!

- Well, turner, if the car gives you trouble,

I'll buy you a new one.

- Don't thr*aten me.

Your words are like knives.

So angry.

I've got to get a grip,

Act like a grownup, and go someplace

Where I can let off some steam.

Toot-toot!

[Laughs]

The kids' choo-choo at the mall.

The one place that calms me down.

- Yippee-ki-yay!

You and me both, brother.

This is even more relaxing than riding the pony

At the petting zoo.

Don't try it.

They'll tase you, bro. - I know you.

You're timmy's teacher mr. Crackers.

What brings you here?

- Like you, I need to calm down.

My life is a joke.

I'm obsessed with magical creatures

That I can never catch.

And I feel like I'm on a one-way ride

To nowhere.

- Is nowhere a store in the mall?

- No! You're thinking of go wear!,

The clothing store for active seniors.

- [Exclaims and laughs]

- Mother buys her shuffleboard sweats there.

- Well, I hear your frustration, mr. Kraken.

I live next door to a monster named dinkleberg

Who's ruining my life.

- You know, turner, maybe we can help each other out.

I'll get rid of your neighbor if you do something for me.

Bring me timmy's fish.

I've come to believe they're fairies!

And with the wishes they'll grant me,

I can transform my life.

- No wonder they call you mr. Crackpot.

- Only you call me that.

So what do you say?

- Throw in a gift card to go wear!

And we've got a deal.

- Uh-oh, this isn't good.

- I'll say. My dad and mr. Crocker

Making a deal means trouble.

- I was talking about my licorice--meh!

It tastes like cheap leather.

- Cosmo, that's your belt.

- Oh, well, that explains this piece of licorice

Holding up my pants.

- I'm worried. Knowing mr. Crocker,

He's probably getting my dad to do something bad.

- Yeah, like making him take another ride

In that dirty kiddy train. [Shudders]

That thing'll give you pink eye.

- Must fight through the unrelenting itching

Of pink eye to complete phase one

Of operation: eliminate dinkleberg!

I built a replica of dinkleberg's house

On a m*ssile testing site.

Now for phase two.

I'll launch my global positioning satellite

That will redirect dinkleberg to his fake home,

Where he'll be annihilated.

[Cackles]

- Denzel, there's a rocket in the living room.

- Hop on, you old bat.

It's your ride to shuffleboard practice.

In space, no one can hear you ruin my life!

- [Screams] denzel, why?

- Now to make sure turner's dad

Is keeping up his end of the bargain.

[Cell phone ringing] hey, turner.

Just checking to see how far you've gotten.

- Well, mr. Crankcase, I just passed the food court,

And I'm heading toward midlife prices,

The discount store for middle-aged men.

- Gah! You're still at the mall?

If you want me to get rid of dinkleberg,

You better get your caboose off that caboose!

- Guys, I'm nervous about crocker and my dad.

I sent sparky to spy on them to see what they're up to.

- Hey, timmy, I just got back from spying

On your dad and mr. Crocker at the carnival.

- They're not at the carnival.

- That's what I came to tell you.

Anyway, I got to get back.

I'm headlining the sideshow as the incredible talking dog.

I'm making a fortune.

Also I got the bearded lady's phone number.

- Dad, what are you doing?

- You mean with my life or right now?

'Cause the answer to both is nothing.

- And what were you doing with mr. Crocker today?

- Well, I wasn't striking a deal to swap your fish

For dinkleberg's doom.

On a completely unrelated note,

Can I have your fish?

- Sure, dad. They're all yours.

I wish you guys were replaced by a wolverine.

Here you go. - Thanks, timmy!

Ooh, my spy wire's not working.

Could you cut me down so I can walk out?

- Once I get those fish,

I'll wish for mother to be sent to an alternate universe

Where she's hunted by intelligent apes.

Then I'll wish for my life's dream--

A giant bag of onions.

I'll use them to make recipes for my self-published

All-onion cookbook,

I'll give you something to cry about.

- Look, mr. Car keys,

I got timmy's fish.

- Oh, happy day.

I could cry, and I'm not even eating onions.

- [Growls] - ah, wolverine!

- Wow, timmy's hairy fish seems to hate you.

- Just get me the real fish while I take care of dinkleberg.

- [Growls] - [screams]

- I'm on it, mr. Crayons.

[Yelling]

- Now for phase three.

Once I push this button,

I'll redirect the gps

In dinkleberg's phone

And send him to his fake house,

Where he'll be annihilated.

Both: [scream]

[Horn blares]

- [Grunts]

- Whoa, pal, that was a close one.

You've got a pretty bad bump on your back.

- That's not from the accident.

That's my hump.

- No, it's just a giant tension knot.

Lucky for you I'm trained in the ancient chinese art

Of hump chi.

- [Moans]

Holy cow, I feel fantastic.

What's your name, new best friend?

- Dinkleberg. - Gah!

- Nice to meet you, mr. Gah.

Would you like a giant bag of onions?

I was at the supermarket, and I always buy two

In case I rescue an onion lover from certain death.

- Onions?

Did that bus hit me and knock me into heaven?

Because you're an angel.

- No. No angel.

Just a good samaritan with super-human reflexes.

Hey, what's that fancy remote for?

- Nothing, and there's no way I'm gonna push it now.

Want to drop by for breakfast tomorrow, friend?

Mother won't bother us.

She's in space playing shuffleboard.

- Okay, I'm gonna try to get some rest.

But with my dad after you guys,

I doubt I'll get any sleep.

[Snores]

- We'd better keep an eye out for timmy's dad.

- I'll take the first shift.

You and poof get some sleep.

Watching them close that castle door always wears me out.

[Snores]

- I can't see the fishbowl with the lights out.

Good thing I have the night vision

Of a spotted owl.

Where are the fish, spotted owl?

- Who? - The fish.

Looks like I broke into the zoo for nothing.

I'll just feel around until I find it.

[Exclaims] wrong.

- [Snoring] - wronger.

- [Growls]

- [Screams]

Most wrongest. [Exclaiming]

[Laughs] I did it.

I got the fishbowl.

In your face, spotted owl.

- Who! - [Shouts]

- Here you go, best friend.

- Mm, these onion waffles are delicious, mr. Gah.

- Oh, please call me gah.

Mr. Gah was my father. I'm glad you liked them.

They're from my all-onion cookbook,

I'll give you something to cry about.

Sadly, I only sold one copy.

- And I'm the one who bought it.

- [Weeps]

You complete me.

- You know, I'm deathly allergic to onions,

But your friendship means more to me than my own life.

Well, better go home and take an ice bath

Before my windpipe swells shut.

See you soon, friend.

- You bet, good buddy. [Sighs]

- Mr. Crawlspace, I got the fish.

Fyi, if the zoo police come by asking about an owl,

I was never here.

- Sorry, turner. The deal's off.

I'm not getting rid of dinkleberg.

He's better than having fairies!

And there's no way I'm pushing this button

That will redirect him to his fake house

In the m*ssile site.

- Then I will.

Sayonara, dinkleberg.

- Gah! I've got to save my bestie!

Look, it's the zoo police. Hide.

- [Exclaims] - you've got to get up

Pretty early in the morning to fool denzel crawlspace.

Gah! I'm doing it again.

- That's funny.

I don't remember living in the desert.

But my gps doesn't lie.

- Stop! I've done something terrible!

- I'll say. You haven't autographed my copy

Of your wonderful cookbook.

Come on inside.

- Oh, well. Happy to oblige.

Oh, poopy!

- Looks like we made it through the night, guys.

Guys?

Oh, no, my fairies must have fallen asleep,

And my dad got them.

- No worries, timmy.

I'm a dog. I can track them down.

Hello, police, I'd like to report some missing fish.

No, I'm not the dog the bearded lady complained about.

Uh, sorry, timmy. Dead end.

- Can't you just follow their scent?

- That's just crazy enough to work.

- [Sighs]

- Oh, no, we only have five minutes.

I got to find a way out.

[Screams] - calm down, friend.

Your tension hump is coming back.

- Cosmo, wanda, and poof are in there.

- Good work, sparky.

But all the doors and windows are sealed shut.

How are we gonna get in?

- Attention, anyone stupid enough to be in this area:

The m*ssile launch is in three minutes and counting.

- Oh, no, what are we gonna do?

- Don't worry, timmy. I'm a dog.

I'll use my phone to hack into the launch codes

And redirect-- oh, sh**t, no bars.

- Well, can't you just dig your way into the house?

- That's just crazy enough to work.

- [Sighs]

- Gah, I'm trapped!

- Oh, dear, he's so upset he's talking to himself.

Gah, come in here.

I poured you a soothing cup of onion tea.

Oh, hi, timmy. No need to explain yourself.

I don't want to pry.

- [Snores]

- Guys, wake up. We're in trouble.

- Don't worry, timmy.

With me on guard, your dad

Will never get his hands on us.

- Just poof us all out of here.

- I jimmied open the back door!

Let's scram!

Ooh, soothing onion tea.

[Sighs]

Gah!

Well, might as well get comfortable

Until the ambulance comes.

[Fairies crying]

- Oh, there's no reason to cry, guys.

Mr. Dinkleberg's safe in his real home.

And you guys are safe with me.

- That's not why we're crying.

Mr. Dinkleberg spilled onion tea in the fishbowl.

- We just have to find my dad to make sure

He doesn't make any more stupid deals.

- Ooh, that monster dinkleberg didn't get annihilated.

I'm so mad, I've got to let off some steam.

[Toots horn] - you and me both, brother.

My son sh*t me into space, and my shuffleboard sweats

Burst into flames upon reentry.

Let's make a deal.

- Fine, mrs. Crabcakes, but first I've got a score

To settle with a spotted owl.

- Who! - A spotted owl!

- Wait, mrs. Corndog, your lips didn't move.

Who said that? - Who!

- [Shouts]

[Train whistle blows]

- [Snores]

- Wake up, timmy!

The sun is shining,

The birds are singing,

And there's a giant floating head outside your window.

Wait a minute. Why are the birds singing?

Something's terribly wrong!

- Whoa, it's the father ship from the planet of the dads.

- Planet of the dads?

- Timmy wished for a bunch of dads,

And things got out of control,

So we poofed them to their own planet.

- It was another one of timmy's poorly-conceived wishes

That came back to bite him in the butt.

Like bernie, the butt-biting baboon.

[Screams] great.

Now my pants smell like bananas.

- Hi, timmy.

It's president dad,

And I'm here to invite you to "take your kid to work" day

On the planet of the dads.

You'll get to come to work with me and see what I do.

Which would help, because I'm not actually sure what I do.

- I don't know.

It doesn't sound like something I really wanna--

- You get to miss school.

- Let's do this.

- Timmy, you shouldn't skip school.

Besides, your parents will wonder where you are.

- Oh, no problem.

I'll send down deadbeat dad

To fill in for timmy while he's gone.

Deadbeat dad can't bring timmy to work

Because he doesn't have a real job.

He's a "musician."

- 'Sup, dudes?

Got any kelp chips?

Got to keep this action tight.

- Oh, don't worry, guys. I speak unemployed musician.

Can I crash on your couch for a while?

- There's no way this guy can pass for timmy.

- Don't freak out, little dudette.

Check it.

- Timmy, is that you?

- I'm over here.

- Wha--? Two timmys?

You're blowing my mind.

- Well, if it's good enough to fool cosmo--

- A lamp with a pink hat on it would fool cosmo.

- Whoa! Three timmys?

You're blowing my mind.

[Screeches]

- And I'm blowing off school.

Guys, poof me to the father ship.

- [Chortles]

I'm so excited to find out what I do.

- Hey, dudes. Got any gluten-free brownies?

The gluten has to be free 'cause I can't pay for it.

- Timmy, there's something different about you.

- Oh, there sure is.

He's become fantastically handsome.

- You're not so bad yourself, pops.

[Eerie space music]

- I love coming to work with you, president dad.

- Great to have you here at my job, timmy.

Now, if you could just tell me what my job is,

We can get this show on the road.

Oh, wait!

Do I do shows and take them on the road?

- No, you're the president, and you make laws.

Here, I'll show you.

I hereby declare homework is illegal,

Every day is christmas,

And tax loopholes are closed to reduce the deficit.

I threw that in to keep it real.

Making laws is fun!

- It sure is, timmy.

And all you need is a fancy gavel

And a healthy dose of power madness.

[Alarm beeps] - time's up!

It's my turn to take timmy to work.

- Cool! Another dad, another awesome job.

You're a what?

- A vegetable taster.

Now, take a big bite of these brussels sprouts.

You can tell they're organic 'cause they're covered in dirt.

- Time's up. Let's go, timmy.

- Oh, well, I have to go to another job

That's hopefully more awesome than this one.

This is your job-- being chased by a bear?

- Well, it's better than my old job--

Being mauled by a bear!

[Bear snarls]

- Look at all these dads waiting to take me

To their crummy jobs.

- I thought the eyebrow waxer was pretty cool.

- There's no way I can go to all those jobs.

There are , dads and just one of me.

- Timmy, you're forgetting there are two of you.

What about the timmy back on earth?

- That's just deadbeat dad in a pink hat.

Honestly, if I wore a pink hat, would you think I was timmy?

- Don't be silly.

You're obviously a lamp with weird eyebrows.

- I've got it! I'll wish for more timmys.

That way, each dad will have one to take to work.

- Oh, I'm not sure about this, sport.

Do you really want to clone yourself?

- The surprised-looking lamp makes a good point, timmy.

- It's the only way.

I wish there was a timmy for every dad.

- Come to work with us, timmy.

- I'm an alligator dentist.

- I'm a nose hair stylist.

- I'm a lingerie model.

- There's no way this could possibly go wrong.

Now let's get back to earth.

How do I get the image of the last job out of my head?

- I feel weird, guys-- like something's not right.

- Whoopsie, I left wanda behind.

Hey, timmys, why the long faces?

- We feel like something's missing from our lives.

- Well, duh.

You don't have magical fairies

To grant your every wish.

See ya!

Timmys: fairies?

- Wow, that was a lot more work than I thought it would be.

Would have been easier to just go to school.

- Uh, speaking of school,

You should probably go, sport.

- Let's not get crazy, mama.

Since deadbeat dad's covering for me,

The rest of my day's gonna be a walk in the park--

Except I'm not gonna be at the park.

I'm gonna sit on a bench and play me some video games.

See ya!

[Video game beeping]

Whoa! Deadbeat dad!

You're supposed to be in school.

- Yeah, I don't need school.

I've got my music.

- You know no one can hear that, right?

[Screams]

Oh, no, truant officer shallowgrave!

[Crows cawing]

- Timmy turner, you're under arrest

For ditching school.

Whoa, two timmys? You're blowing my mind.

Two timmys is twice the bounty.

Now I can afford the new leaf blower attachment

For my hand.

Yay.

- Oh, no, this is really bad.

- Don't worry, little dude.

With a few tapestries, this van could be pretty chill.

Can I borrow some money for tapestries?

[Eerie space music]

- Cosmo, wanda, we need to go

Back to the planet of the dads.

- Why? - Uh, why not?

- Can't argue with that logic.

- Now I wish you guys were in shackles

So you can't escape.

- Why? - Um, why not?

- Can't argue with that logic either.

Timmys: [cheering]

- Cosmo, we've been tricked.

But because all of them are technically timmy,

We have to grant the wishes.

- I wish I had a ping-pong table.

Timmys: [cheer]

- I wish I had a basketball court.

Timmys: [cheer]

- I wish I had an air hockey game.

Timmys: [cheer]

- All these timmys are blowing my mind.

And my wand!

- Boy, that leaf blower attachment's gonna be awesome.

I'm gonna have the cleanest yard in town.

I feel so alive.

- Hey, can you drop me off at the rainbow room,

Mr. Shallowwater?

I gotta meet a chick named cheyenne.

- The only place you're going is juvenile hall, punk.

- Cosmo, wanda, now would be a good time to show up.

Something must be wrong.

We gotta get out of here and find them.

- Is that air guitar?

I hate air guitar.

It's the hobby of nitwits and slackers.

- You can hear that?

- Aah! It's driving me crazy!

Now I've got the song stuck in my head.

[Tires screech]

- [Screams]

- Run, timmy! Let's ditch the fuzz!

- What are you saying?

I don't speak unemployed musician.

Sparky, where's cosmo and wanda?

- You took them back to the planet of the dads, remember?

Bernie and I were enjoying a little me time.

- Anyway, that wasn't me.

A wished-up timmy must have tricked my fairies.

We have to save them.

But how are we going to get to the planet of the dads

Without magic?

- In my primo rocket-powered party van!

[Cool rock music]

But you'll have to cover the gas, bro.

I'm a little short till my parents wire me some dinero.

Timmys: [cheering]

- Oh, no.

Cosmo and wanda's wands are overheating.

If we don't do something fast, they'll explode,

And my fairies will be goners.

We gotta lure the timmys away somehow.

What's something the timmys would really love?

- Eh, I don't know. I hate kids.

- Anything down here?

A dog!

Since the timmys are just like me,

They'll love anything I love.

And I love sparky.

Hey, timmys, it's a cute little dog!

Timmys: [cheer]

- Get him!

- When did this become about me?

[Screams]

- Cosmo, wanda, I'm here to take you home.

- How do we know you're the real timmy?

- I know how he can prove it.

If you're the real timmy,

You'd know the shape of the birthmark on my butt.

- You don't have a birthmark on your butt.

- Oh, really?

Well, how do you know I'm the real cosmo?

- Look, sport, there's only one way to find out

If you're the real timmy.

We have to give you a test.

- A test? Ah, come on!

Do I have to study? I hate tests!

- That's our timmy.

- If you guys have enough magic for one more wish,

Then I wish you were free, and we were home!

Yay!

- I guess this is where we say good-bye.

Don't forget me, little dude.

Here, I got you your own air guitar.

- Gee, thanks!

- Eh, you know no one can hear you, right?

- [Screaming]

Timmys: [cheering]

- [Screaming]

- You know, I feel kind of bad

Leaving all those timmys back on the planet of the dads

Without fairies.

How can I make it up to them?

I have a better idea.

I wish all the timmys got their own puppy.

Timmys: [cheering and laughing]

- Yay!

- Whoa!

- [Humming]

[Leaf blower whirring]

[Alarm beeping]

- [Growls]

None of those timmys on that planet are in school.

They'll pay for that.

- I want to dedicate this next song

To a little lady named cheyenne.

- No one can hear you!