01x20 - How the Villains Stole Christmas

Episode transcripts for the show, "The Villains of Valley View". Aired: June 3, 2022 - present.
Vic and Eva have three children named Amy, Jake and Colby and were part of a villain group called the League of Villains that was led by the evil Onyx.
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01x20 - How the Villains Stole Christmas

Post by bunniefuu »


Hey, Valley Viewers!

It's my favorite time of

the year, Christmas time!

And I'm gonna tell you

a story about a family,

but not just any family.

They're supervillains!

So, grab some cocoa and

hang on to your candy canes,

because this is "How the

Villains Stole Christmas."



[HARTLEY] It all happened

one Christmas Eve,

not so long ago in Centropolis,

a city where superheroes

and supervillains

roam the streets

amongst ordinary people.

And where those villains strive to make

everyone's life miserable.

And this night before Christmas

was no different

All right, the sun just set!

That means it's

officially Christmas Eve!


Ah, my favorite night of the year!

Yeah, because we get to steal all

these great decorations to admire.

[ALL] Huh?

I mean, light on f*re.

We're villains. Christmas bad!

Most importantly, it's time for Onyx's

annual "Ruin Christmas Challenge"!

That's right! Tonight,

every villain competes

to find the best way to ruin Christmas

for this city of unsuspecting saps!

Oh, I can't wait to bah their humbugs!

Yeah, and even though I don't

have my villain power yet,

I'm finally old enough

to compete this year!

I can't wait to see sad

people and think, "I did that!"

Aw! Look who's finally tall

enough to ride the ride.

Chaos, I didn't want to do this to you,

but you leave me no choice.

He has an imaginary friend named Laura.

He eats with her, tells her jokes,

and on certain occasions,

I've caught him kissing her.

Please tell me you

left after the kissing.

- I wish I had.


[CHUCKLES] Anyway, I am sure

to win the Onyx's challenge,

because I have the kids with powers,

and you have the cute, but useless one.

Hey! Number Three is a great kid!

I'm glad I lost that coin toss!

Mom, I have the perfect idea!

The Centropolis Christmas tree

lighting ceremony is tonight.

We should steal the tree before they get

- the chance to light it.


People look forward to

that tree lighting all year!

Oh, that's the perfect thing to ruin.

[CHUCKLES] Right up there

with funerals and weddings.


Yeah, that is a great idea.

Imagine everyone's faces

when the curtains part

to reveal their glorious

holiday tree is missing.

It'll ruin Christmas for the whole city!

Okay, what are we gonna do

with a 30-foot Christmas tree?

Keep it in here! This place

could use a little cheer.

Our main decoration is mildew.

All right, while you're all doing

your little gardening project,

Number Three and I will be

kicking back, 'cause we've already

- finished our plan.

- That's right, we did.


That would've been more

impressive if I hadn't

watched you awkwardly practice

it for six hours straight.

Every year, there is one hot

ticket Christmas gift item

that every parent must have

for their child, and this year,

- it's this go-kart!



And the best part is no one will

be able to get their hands on one,

because we already cleaned out

the entire stock of go-karts

from every store in town.

- Can I switch teams?

- No!

Their plan is cute, but

it doesn't come close

to stealing the biggest

Christmas tree in the city.

Really? 'Cause I think

the go-kart thing is

Ours is better!

We'll see. May the best villain win!


Eh, don't ya

mean, "Mwah-ho-ho"?

Please don't ruin this.



So while Kraniac and

Number Three set out

to ruin Christmas by preventing parents

from buying their kids

the must-have holiday gift,

Havoc, Surge, and

Chaos were off to steal

the Centropolis Christmas tree.

And just to be clear, I'm

only reading the story.

I do not endorse this kind of behavior!


[SIGHS] Look at all these dopes!

"Oh, we have to see the tree!"

SPOILER ALERT: It's a tree.

And she is gorgeous.

You know, maybe you

should just date the tree.

At least it's real! [LAUGHS]

Perhaps your brother's right

and we're not getting

what all the hype is about.


Nope, still a stupid tree.

OK, uh, Chaos,

let's grab the tree and go!

I'll make sure no one's looking.


What do you think you're doing?

Uh, I think the real question

is, what are you doing?

Shouldn't you be at the mall asking

Santa for Taylor Swift tickets

and glittery eyeshadow?

[LAUGHS] It's funny,

'cause she's a tween!

Oh, look who's got jokes.

Are you a supervillain

or a reject from open mic

night at the Chuckle Hut?

Get lost, kid, we're busy.

Don't call me kid, my name's Savannah.

Well, whatever your name

is, can I borrow your mittens

to lift this thing? I can't

afford to get a splinter.

I do villain hand modeling on the side.

Pretty sad you think

these would fit you.

Although, you do have dainty fingers.

And I'm not letting you get away

with stealing our city's tree!

My family comes to this

tree lighting every year!

You'll ruin Christmas!

Oh, from your lips to Onyx's ears.

Um, this tree is gonna be ours,

and we're not letting some

yappy twerp get in our way.

That's it. I'm gonna go

find a police officer.

Or maybe a superhero!

[SCOFFS] Havoc, stop her!

Don't worry, I got this, with a

little holiday vocal manipulation.

Officer! I need your help!

I need my diaper changed!

What I'm trying to say is,

I made a Christmas messy!


Okay, I got it!

Should I put it in the "trunk"?


Yeah, I'm starting to see why

your girlfriend is imaginary.

Must feel weird to be out of uniform.

Yeah, I feel so boring and unremarkable.

Is this what it's like to be you?

Shh! You hear that?

The sound of bad

parenting? Loud and clear.

No, it's the sweet

sound of all these fools

desperately searching for

this year's must-have gift.

And with every store

comes more disappointment!

It's beautiful!

What's going on here?

You know how someone stole

all the smart go-karts

that everyone wanted off the shelves?

Actually, they stole them

before they hit the shelves.

I heard.

Well, this store has one

left. The display model.

- So they're raffling it off.

- Wait, what?

I'm buying a ton of raffle tickets.

That way, even if the

elf doesn't pull mine,

I can at least give my kid a receipt

with a note that says, "I tried."

Did you hear that? You

forgot the display model!

No! I was lookout. You

forgot the display model!

Well, part of being a lookout

is to be on the lookout

for any go-karts left behind,

like the display model!

Oh, I'm sorry, I was

probably too distracted by you

rattling off your famous

villain catchphrase:

"Is anyone coming? Is anyone coming?"

Okay, look, if we are

gonna win Onyx's challenge,

we have to ruin Christmas for everyone,

which means we have to get

our hands on that last go-kart,

or one kid is gonna

unwrap it tomorrow morning

and have a merry

Christmas. Now, are you in?

Sure. I mean, you've

already ruined my childhood,

why not ruin someone else's?

You know, I think I'm starting to get

all this Christmas tree

hype. Do you smell that?

The sweet scent of a

freshly cut Douglas fir?

Mm, no. The sweet scent of

a freshly stolen Douglas fir.

True. But you know what's

even better than that?

This! It's a candle that

smells like a gingerbread man!

Which I hate! With

their beady raisin eyes

and scrumptious little arms and legs.

Ahh, nothing brings

me more holiday cheer

than robbing everyone else of theirs.

We are definitely winning

Onyx's challenge this year.




- What was that?

[GASPS] I bet it's a small animal.

Probably a squirrel.

Those things are shiftier than we are.

Oh! Or maybe a turtle

dove. Probably two.

They come in pairs and

love Christmas trees.

At least, that's what the

song has led me to believe.

[CHUCKLES] Can we please put

a stop to the holiday songs

and figure out what's

actually in this tree?

Sure, Mom. Why don't you go first?




Told ya I wasn't letting

you get away with this.

Oh, it's even worse than

an animal. It's a tween!

So when Savannah tried

to stop the villains

from stealing the Centropolis

Christmas tree by hiding inside of it,

Havoc, Surge, and Chaos

got quite the surprise.

And while most people would've

safely returned her to her family,

being villains, they, uh, dealt with it

in a very different way.

So this is where you

nasty villains live?

Makes sense.

Hey, I know it doesn't look like much,

but at least if you trip down here,

the cockroaches will break your fall.

- What are you doing?


Taking a pic so I can

text an encrypted link

to the police with a geo-pin attached.

Sorry, I don't speak chatty

brat. Can you explain?

She's gonna send that

picture to the cops

and tell them where our secret lair is.

Oh, no, she isn't.

Give me that phone.

Yeah, right. If my parents

can't get it away from me,

you don't stand a chance.

I just need to find

some reception down here.

Give it up! You're not getting

out of here with that phone!

Like some kid could

actually pull one over on us.

Wait, where'd she go?

We can't let a child

outsmart three supervillains.

If we can hold an

entire planet for ransom,

we can snatch a phone from her!


Wait, we held an entire planet

for ransom? Where was I for that?

Oh, you blacked out in orbit.

We just let you drift for a while.

Come on, we have to find her!


- Shh!



I think she's back in the tree!



Oh, yup! There's your squirrel.

- Later, fools!

- [JAKE] Get her!



So, what's the plan? How

do we get the last go-kart?

I just drop this raffle ticket

into the bin, and we win.

Check it out. I used

my alias, "Jack McWaxy."

It's from a spy novel I'm working on.

Sounds McTerrible.

And you only bought one ticket.

People are buying hundreds!

It doesn't matter. I signed

mine with magnetic ink.

So you can put it on the fridge

next to your Evil Kittens calendar?

I just have to get that elf

to put on this magnetic glove.

So that our ticket


And then you and I ride

off into the sunset.

Or however far a go-kart will take us.

Just have to find a way to

get this glove on that elf.

I got it!


Son, I've never been more proud

and ashamed of you at the same time.

I can't believe that

elf took your bribe.

Eh. She's an elf at a go-kart raffle.

She was just happy to go home.

How do I get out of this dump?

Just give us that phone, kid! You'll

never get any reception down here!

Really? You're villains, you

couldn't steal a little 5G?



Don't you know who you're dealing with?

A bunch of idiots?


A bunch of idiots who have you cornered!

Oh. So you admit you're idiots.

No! Just him.

Stand back, or I'm using this thing!

Big whoop! That barely does anything.

[SCOFFS] Yeah. It's just

a device our dad created

to temporary blind our enemies.




- Ha-ha! See ya!

- Get her!

Aah! Got her!

- That's me!

- Oh. Right.

Should've known by the dainty fingers!

I do not have dainty fingers!


Ooh, that was actually

quite nice. [LAUGHS]

How is she beating us?

We have superpowers!

Yeah? Well, then maybe

it's time we use them.



Wow. I thought I screamed loud.

Well, Savannah, you got game.

But what we got, is your phone.

So much for your plan to expose us!

- Give it back!


Not until I erase any

evidence of where we are.


- Who's this guy?

- My dad.

He's in the military.

He's taken me to the

tree lighting every year.

But this year he can't, because

he's away leading training exercises.

While he's away, my mom and I

still find ways to include him.

So I promised him I'd

take lots of pictures.

Which is why I need my

phone and that tree back!


I really miss him.

Okay, I I'll give

you your phone back.

Just promise you won't tell

anyone about this place.

- Fine.


All right, everything's deleted.

Just get her back to her mom without

letting her see the way out of here.

- Then you can give her her phone back.

- Okay. Don't worry.

She won't see a thing.

Now, cover your eyes, and no peeking!

Phew. That was close.

Back to crushing the Christmas spirit!

You okay?

Actually, Mom, I

I can't believe I'm saying this, but

I think we should return the tree.

[SCOFFS] Wow, that electric shock

must've really messed up your melon.

[GIGGLES] One more should fix it!

So after hearing exactly why Savannah

wanted them to return the tree they stole,

Havoc had a change of heart.

Surge, not so much.

What do you mean, we need

to take the tree back?

I was just thinking,

it must be a real bummer

for Savannah not have her

dad around on Christmas.

It kinda reminded me of when

Dad missed my 13th birthday

because he was on a "business trip."


When he battled Captain

Climate on that melting iceberg.

That was my seventh birthday.

Oh, then you must mean the time

that he defeated Lava Lantern

on the edge of the volcano.

That was my tenth. But thank you

for reminding me that

the least memorable thing

about my birthday is my actual birthday.

It was the year I got my superpower.


I remember that day.

I was so excited. All I

wanted was for Dad to come home

so I could show him how

loud I could sonic scream.

You screamed so loud,

the ceiling caved in.

You were so proud.

And those people that

fell in from the street

were very impressed!

[SIGHS] You know, as villains,

I know we're supposed to take

whatever we want whenever we want,

but what if we're stealing

more than a tree here?

What if we're stealing a memory

a little girl won't get

to share with her dad?

- I call that a two-fer.

- Mom!

Fine! I I I

suppose I see your point.

Every kid deserves to have their

family around in these special moments.

Even kids that aren't evil. [CHUCKLES]

What about the challenge?

I mean, you really wanted to win.

All right! Savannah's gone.

Let's go show this tree to

Onyx and win this thing, huh?

Are we going or not?


Man, when we win this raffle,

these people are gonna hate us!

We're villains. They already hate us.

You have to ruin everything?

Okay, time for the raffle!

Whose ticket will I pull?

Will it be yours, or will it be yours?

Only fate knows who will

win the amazing raffle

Get on with it! This

isn't a magic castle!

I mean, uh, fingers crossed!

And the winner is


Jack McWaxy!


This is so unexpected!

I want to thank the city of Centropolis

and to all the little guys

who've never won anything!

This is for you! Now, get

the ho-ho out of my way.

Look at all these sad sacks!

They can't stand that I won!

Hey, let's all give it up for Jack.

At least someone's kid'll

be happy. [CHUCKLES]

We may have spent hours

trying to win that go-kart,

valuable hours that we could've

all spent with our families

during this special holiday time,

but good for him!

What are you talking about?

You're supposed to be angry!

I won the last go-kart.

Yeah, you bought,

like, a hundred tickets!

It was actually 250.

I gave blood just to

afford these tickets.

But it's Christmas,

the season of giving.

And seeing how happy

you were after you won

just makes my Christmas even better!


Dad, what's going on? We

went through all that work

to get the go-karts,

even this last one,

and now they're saying we

made their Christmas better?

Well, I'm not sure, but I think

maybe this is what they mean

when they talk about Christmas spirit.

You're right. I mean, this whole time,

we've been trying to ruin Christmas,

when we should've been

trying to ruin their spirit.

But judging from this, I don't

know that that's possible.

Dad, are you starting to feel it, too?

The Christmas spirit?

I think so. I think maybe this holiday

is about more than stealing

gifts to ruin people's happiness.

Maybe by bringing joy to others,

it could make us happy, too.

Even if it is for just one day.

Ugh! I feel so dirty!

Does this mean you're gonna turn

into one of those crazy parents

who's willing to spend lots of

money and do whatever it takes

to win my love through gifts?

Son, I'm feeling the

spirit, I'm not an imbecile.


What's wrong, Savannah?

Aren't you excited

for the tree lighting?

Not this year. Can we just go home?

Honey, I know this year is

tough with Dad being away.

But we agreed we wouldn't

let it ruin Christmas.

So grab your phone and get ready to

send him some good pictures of the tree.

[ALL] Five, four, three, two, one!


But there's no way.

I'm glad you came around, Mom.

Hm? Well, how could I not?

That girl was so

persistent and annoying.

Kinda remind me of you.

That's strange. The tree didn't light.

Did you forget to connect the power?

I just carried a 30-foot

tree for five miles.

You couldn't handle the plug?

[SIGHS] The whole point

of us returning the tree

was so that Savannah could send

her dad pictures of it lit up.

Mom [SIGHS] Can't you do something?

[SIGHS] Fine.



Ah. All right, now we've broken

every villain rule in the book,

I think we should go home.

This is the brightest

tree we've ever had.

Can't believe Dad isn't here to see it.

[JAMES] I wouldn't

miss this for the world.

Dad? Dad!

I can't believe you're home!

Wait, look.

I thought you couldn't make it!

That's what I thought, too.

But our Company Commander

gave us a 24-hour pass for the holiday.


Well, looks like we won't be

winning Onyx's challenge this year.

[SCOFFS] That's okay.

I mean, Onyx also has the

Ruin New Year's Eve Challenge,

so maybe we can play human bowling

with the giant New Year's Eve ball?

Sounds good to me.

We can knock people into the gutters.


Merry Christmas.

You, too.


That was a pretty cool thing

we did, giving that tree back.

Yeah, it was.

I have a confession to make!

I know you probably haven't

noticed, but I really love Christmas,

and I don't care who knows it!

Just don't tell Dad. He'll freak.


Ho, ho, ho! Here ya go!

I gotta say, giving

away stolen merchandise

feels almost as good as stealing it.

Yeah, giving the go-karts to the people

from the raffle line made

me feel all warm and tingly!

That could be a rash from the elf suit.

Hey, maybe we should

do this all the time.

Nah, next year, I'm expecting

all these people to give us gifts.

I wrote our P.O. Box

number on all the packages.

So the only reason we're doing this

is so you'll get something in return?

Son, that's what Christmas is all about.


[HARTLEY] And our villain

family lived happily ever after.

Well, kind of. They're

a work in progress.

Happy Holidays, everyone!
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