01x02 - Phoebe vs. Max

[bunniefuu]

- And...smile!

- Wait!
Say something funny.

- I have a masters degree
in fine arts,

and I take yearbook pictures
for a living.

- [hysterical laughter]

I don't get it.

- Next!

- Hi, Phoebs!

You look totes fabs,
ubes adorbs!

- Aw, thanks.

Is that good?

- Yeah.

- I'm actually really excited.

At my old school, our pictures
were always a little...

formal.

- You had to wear a uniform?

- Something like that.

All I know is
school pictures are forever,

and I want this one
to be perfect.

- Perfect, huh?

You might wanna change...

into someone pretty.

- Nyaah!
- Nyaah!

- Nyaah!

That's what you're wearing
for picture day?

- I always wear what I want.

- Next.
- Ooh!

- Besides, Phoebe,
no one's gonna be looking at me.

- Why not?

- 'cause.
They'll be looking at you.

- Huh?

Chocolate, Max?

- Next.

- What--
No, no, no!

You have to let me
take it again.

That can't be
my school picture.

- Fine.
- [sighs]

- Smile.

- Wait, what?
Now?

- Don't forget
to say "Cheese."

- Cheese.

- Next.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ What you see
is not what you get ♪

♪ living our lives
with a secret ♪

♪ we fit right in,
bet you'd never guess ♪

♪ 'cause we're living our lives
just like all the rest ♪

♪ a picture perfect family
is what we try to be ♪

♪ look closer,
you might see ♪

♪ the crazy things we do ♪

♪ this isn't make believe,
it's our reality ♪

♪ just your average family ♪

♪ trying to be normal
and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ living a double life ♪

- I can't believe Max
pranked me at our new school.

Did you get
all the cheese out?

- Yep, got all the cheese out.

- What about the chocolate?

- Yep, got all the cheese out.

- I thought Max's
back to school pranks

would've stopped
when we moved here.

- Well,
if it's any consolation,

your hair is really silky
right now.

And your brother
is in a lot of trouble.

- You're darn right he is.
And he knows it, too.

That's why he's late.
He's scared of me.

Max!
- Not now, Hank-O.

- Yeah, he's petrified.

Check it out, pheebs.

The internet
gave you a nickname.

"Fondue-Doo-Head."
[laughing]

- Max, why would you dump
chocolate and Cheese

all over your sister
on picture day?

- Well, I was going to use chili
but it's bucks a gallon.

- Well, that does seem high.
- Dad!

- What is the big deal?

It's not like I exposed
my superpowers to anybody.

- but you're still
in a lot of trouble.

Why would you do
something like this?

- Because mischief and mayhem
are what us supervillains do.

- [scoffs]

when we moved to hiddenville
to have a normal life,

we were hoping this ridiculous
supervillain phase of yours

was just going to end.

- Never!

One day, the league of master
villains is gonna call, okay,

and I'll be there
to pick up the phone

and say, "Hello, this is Max and
I'm not going through a phase."

- Not if you don't
have a phone.

- Dad!

- No. Two weeks, no phone,

and you apologize
to your sister.

- [clears throat]
fine.

I'm sorry.

Fondue-Doo-Head.

- Oh, that's it.

- Phoebe,
put your brother down.

- Okay.

Max, your ears are too big
for your head.

- Mehhh!
- Mehhh!

- [clears throat]

- [sighs]
all right.

- Ugh.

- Thank you.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm suddenly in the mood
for chili.

- Two weeks, no phone?
That'll teach you.

- Please, I have phones
planted everywhere.

- I'm so done
with your pranks, Max.

You know what you need?
A taste of your own medicine.

- What?
You're gonna prank me?

Phoebe, you need
a little dark side in you

to do that.

- I got plenty of dark side.

Who do you think puts
the empty jar of peanut butter

back on the shelf?
This gal!

- No, I do that.

- Well, stop it,
that drives me crazy.

- Well,
then mission accomplished.

Oh, come on, dad,
that was my last phone.

- [laughing]

- [clicks Tongue]

- Hey, that's my pudding cup!
You already had one.

- Sorry, but today feels like
a two-cupper.

- Enjoy your pudding lava.

- Oh, that's hot!

- Instead of fighting,

can one of you
take out the trash?

- It's Billy's turn.

- I did it last time.

- Well, I'm not doing it!
- I'm double not doing it!

- I'm triple not doing it!

- I'm whatever's
after triple not doing it!

- Hey!

Stop arguing
and take out the trash!

- Hank,
there's no reason to yell.

- We have four kids.

There's always
a reason to yell.

- I know, but I'm reading
this new Parenting book--

- Uh-Oh,
another self-Help book?

The last time
you read one of those,

we were vegans for a month.

- days of broccoli.

- We won't go back!
- Okay.

This one's different.

From conflict to non-Flict.

It says to let children solve
their own problems.

- You've got to stop parenting
from a book, Barb.

You need to open your mouth
and let loud words fly out.

- Trust me, Hank,
I got this.

All right,
here's the deal, kids.

Whoever throws something away

that causes the trash
to topple over

has to take the trash out.

- So we get to pile up
the trash?

- As high as we want?

- And whichever fool knocks it
over has to take it out?

Both: Cool!

- All right,
Mr. Supervillain,

you think pranks
are so much fun,

let's see if you like wiping out
on your greasy slide.

Oh, hey, Nora, I was just--

- Greasing Max's slide?
I'm in.

- Billy in the hole!

- Billy, no!

- Whooaaahh!

Waaahhhhh!

Whoa.

Billy in the wall.

- What happened to knocking?

I was about to get
in the shower.

- Billy!

You ruined
my dark mayhem poster.

- Thanks, I'm fine.

- Billy!

That prank was meant
for maaaaa...

...gic shows are fun.

I think I'll go see one now.

- This was your big prank,
Phoebe?

Turning our little brother
into a torpedo?

- It was supposed to be you.

I would never endanger
our siblings.

- Whoooaaahhh!

Hey, guys.

What'd I miss?

- Lame, Phoebe. Lame.

- [scoffs]

Just you wait!

I am going to come up
with the best prank ever,

even if it takes me
all night!

- Morning, Sunshine.
So I gave you all night.

Did you come up
with that best prank ever yet?

'cause I did.

[bell ringing]

- Oh, I am so getting you back
for this.

- Sorry, I don't speak
morning breath.

- I think you're going
to be late for biology.

- [exhales] Ready to save
the day, Electress?

- You know it, Thunder Man.

- Hi-Yah!
Take that!

- Ki-Ya!
- foot to your ninja face!

- Ki-Ya!

- A thousand daggers of pain!

Hi-Yah, Phoebe.
- Hi, sweetie.

- is this what you do
when we're not home?

- We will ask the questions
here, Missy.

Why aren't you at school?
- Yeah.

Nice save.

- Because Max
pranked me again.

And I'm really,
really mad.

And so is Mr. Grumbles.

- Sounds like it's time
I drop the thunder on that boy.

- No, hang on, Hank.

According to chapter six
of my book,

"Letting your teenagers work
their issues out on their own,"

you should let your teenagers
work their issues out

on their own.

- What's chapter seven called,

"You wasted .
on this book, sucka"?

- Phoebe,
I think you should respond

however you think
is necessary.

- Good,
then I'm going to take

this pranks thing
to the next level

and really hit Max
where it hurts!

- Well, no.
Hol--

- Thanks, mom!

- [frantic yelling]
boom!

- No fair.
I wasn't ready.

- I know,
that's why I started.

What's your book say
about that, sucka?

[grunts]

[standoff music]

- Go ahead.
Throw yours away first.

- You go first.

- You're closer.
You go.

- Fine.

- Mess up! Mess up!
Mess up!

- Not cool.

- Only one rule
in trash wars.

Win.

Also, recycle.

- ♪ She'll be coming
'round the mountain ♪

♪ when she comes,
when she comes ♪

♪ she'll be coming 'round
the mountain when she... ♪

ahhh!

You startled me.

- What are you doing?

- Taking a shower.

You think this lustrous,
shiny fur just happens?

- Poor Phoebe.

Waking up in school
in front of all those kids.

I feel bad for her.

[laughter]

- [evil voice]
Max thunderman.

This is dark mayhem of
the league of master villains.

- Yeah, right.
Nice prank, Phoebe.

- This is not a prank,
and I am not Phoebe!

Do you think your sister
is capable

of hacking your computer?

- Nora, maybe.
But Phoebe, definitely not.

Wow! Dark mayhem.
You're so cool.

If I could be any supervillain
when I grow up, I--

I'd wanna be you.

- If your dark side
is half as good

as your Butt kissing,
you're well on your way.

You have real supervillain
potential.

- Oh, my gosh, that's so cool!
I always knew it!

I mean, thanks, man.

- Smooooth.

- So, what's first?

Do we jump
right into world domination

or start with
a meet and greet breakfast?

Or brunch?
It depends on your schedule.

- Silence!

Before you are accepted into
the league of master villains,

we need you
to pass a test,

one that will prove you will
do anything we tell you.

Anything.
No questions asked.

- So when do we start?

- that was a question!

- Sorry, sorry, sir.

- Now, listen carefully.

- You can do this, Max.
You can do this.

[phone ringing]

- Max Thunderman.

Did you follow
my orders?

- Yes, sir.

League of master villains,
here I come.

- Congratulations, Max.
You are now officially...

- Pranked!

- Phoebe?

- Aloha, girlfriend.

- Nice try.

Too bad everyone's
still in class, ha.

- Are they?

[bell ringing]

- [laughing nervously]

How you doing?

What's up?

Mahalo.

- Oh, come on, Cherry.

I wouldn't call it
the best prank ever.

No, you're right,
it was awesome!

Okay, talk to you later.
Bye.

What are you doing
with my stuff?

- What are you
still doing here?

I thought you'd be halfway
to mexico by now.

- Why?
- Max is coming for you...

as soon as he figures out
how to get that bra off.

- Please, I think Max
Has learned his lesson.

- Have you met the guy?

[alarm blaring]

Female computer voice:
Alert. Alert.

Non-Supe approaching.

- I'll get that.

- I'll get it.

I'm expecting
some deliveries.

- Got a delivery
for Max thunderman.

- That's me.

And hopefully I ordered some
of those fancy shorts, too.

- Yeah, that's always funny.

, live crickets,
six sledgehammers,

three gallons
of itching powder,

and one barrel
of radioactive waste.

Sign here.

- You can still make
that last bus to Tijuana.

[jazzy music]

♪ ♪

- So, Barb,
you want to admit you failed

before the seagulls show up?

- Stop exaggerating, Hank.

[seagulls cawing]

I still stand by my book.

- Knock, knock, who's there?

Not the man
taking out the trash.

Bam!

- How many girls does it take
to knock over the trash?

None!
Bam!

- Aww, your book is helping us
raise trash talkers.

Literally trash talkers.

Literally.

- Oh, okay, Hank.
I get it.

- All right, Max,
I can't take it anymore.

It's over.

Let's just call a truce
and walk away.

Deal?

[buzzing]
ow!

- It's not over
until I say it's over.

And believe me,
it's not over.

- Yeah, well, I'm not gonna
give you the satisfaction.

If you won't end your pranks,
then I will.

Oh, are these all
your little prank Buttons?

- Phoebe, just step away
from my desk, all right?

- Ohhh, am I getting warmer?

[gasps]
what's this big red button?

This looks important.

- Do not press that.

- So you don't want me to press
the big red button?

Okay.

Oops.

- You just pushed
the self-destruct button!

- Yeah, right.

Male computer voice:
You just pushed

the self-destruct button.

Lair will self-destruct
in ten minutes.

- Ooh, fancy light show
and talking computer.

Someone spent their whole
allowance on a prank.

- No, Phoebe,
my prank was not pranking you

and just watching you
break down.

Which was really fun
until now!

- Oh, please!

If this place
were really self-destructing,

Dr. Colosso would be
freaking out.

- I'm freaking out!
Ahhhh!

Aghhhh!

- [humming]

Mm.
[sniffs]

what's that smell?

[sniffs]
No.

[sniffs]
No.

[sniffs]
No.

[sniffs]
still No.

Ahh!
BOTH: Shh!

- [whispering]
We need to talk quietly

or we might cause
a trash-alanche.

- [whispering]
so what's the plan?

- [whispering] I think we should
slowly back away...

and then move
to a new house.

- That's it.
Stupid book.

- Barb, we're trying
to keep quiet...

and then we're going
to move to a new house.

- [whispering]
okay, I got it.

Both: Trash-Alanche!

- Barb, look out!

Uh-Oh.

Why are there diapers
in here?

We don't even have babies.

- glad you're okay, Dad.

- and we definitely learned
our lesson.

- See ya.

- No, no! Get back here
and clean this mess up!

Yeah, it feels good to yell.

- Your powers are useless,
Phoebe.

The only chance we have
is if I can override the system.

- Lair will self-destruct
in five minutes.

I hope your affairs
are in order.

- Ooh, uh, maybe this button
will help us.

- Shortcut activated.

Lair will self-destruct
in seconds.

- Quit touching stuff, handsy.

- if you had just stopped
pranking me,

none of this
would've happened.

Is this supervillain thing
really worth it?

- Absolutely!

We get cool costumes,
awesome hideouts, and goatees.

It's a lot of fun.

- Total annihilation
in seconds.

- Okay, maybe not.

- Then why, Max?

Why all this
supervillain stuff?

You're in a family
of superheroes.

- Exactly.

How else am I going
to stand out?

Look at you, you've always been
so great at being good.

Everyone thinks
you're going to be, like,

one of the best superheroes ever
one day.

- Really?

- No gloating.
We're on me now.

So what were my choices, huh?

Be second best at being good,
or be the best at being bad.

And I wanna be the best.

So if you think about it,
this is all your fault.

- Well, I'm glad
you shared that with me.

Too bad it had to happen

seconds
before we're blown to bits!

- Goodbye, my Max.
I've always loved you!

- There must be something
in all this prank stuff

you had ordered
that can help us.

- Complete obliteration
in seconds.

- Forget it, Phoebe.
We're done.

Game over, history, toast,
kicked the bucket, kaput,

bought the farm,
roll the credits, it's over!

- It's not over
till I say it's over.

- Self-Destruct
in five, four, three,

twooooo...
[computer shutting down]

[cheers and applause]

- Now it's over.

So about that truce?
We good?

- Yes, ma'am.

- Good.

- How about that "I love you"
prank of mine, huh?

Funny stuff we're never going
to talk about, right?

- Thanks to Billy,

you have Belgian waffles
from Belgium...

- Fresh Maple syrup
from Vermont...

- And hot coffee
from...

over there.

- if you think this makes up

for being buried
by a wall of trash, you got--

Ooh, is that churned butter?

- I told you
he was a sucker for butter.

- I got the idea
for an apology breakfast

from my new book,
"Tips for a happy hubby."

- Another self-help book?
- Mm-hmm.

- Can I see that?

Anyone for a tall glass
of stupid words?

- Morning, everybody.
All: Morning!

- Are you guys done
pranking yet?

- Yep. That stuff is completely
behind us.

- I wouldn't say
"Completely."

Completely behind us.