02x01 - Thunder Van

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Thundermans". Aired: October 14, 2013 - May 25, 2018.*
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Series revolves around the Thundermans, a family with superpowers who try to live normal lives in the fictional town of Hiddenville.
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02x01 - Thunder Van

Post by bunniefuu »

- More salad, Phoebe?

Phoebe?

- [cell phone rings]
- Phoebe.

- Hello?

- Mom wants to know
if you want more salad.

- Why didn't she just ask me?

Sorry... I was just chirping
my friends on Chirper.

- Phoebs, you're confusing Mom.

- No, she's not--I chirp
my friends all the time.

We're all, like, "Chirp,
chirp, girlfriend!"

- See, Mom, Chirper is
a social networking site.

Let me back up--
this is a cell phone.

- [car horn honks]

- Hey, I know that honk!

The Thundervan!
- NORA: Cool!

- Yup, got this old
crime-fighting machine

out of storage from Metroburg.
- Oh, yeah?

Your father and I chirped
up a lot of memories

in this swag wagon.

- Mom... don't.

- I gave this baby
a new security system,

and so the non-supe's
think it's a normal van,

I got a state-of -the-art
cloaking device.

[chuckles]

Huh?

- Wow, Dad... where'd
the Thundervan go?

- Come on, let's go for a ride.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...

the Thundervan is full of
dangerous weapons and gadgets.

- Yeahhhh!
- Nooooo!

This van is off-limits
to you kids.

I only brought it home
so Phoebe could start

her next level of superhero
training.

- Wait, for real?

I thought Thundervan
training started next year.

- Hero University is offering
an early admissions test.

If you ace it, you
could be a full supe

before Max can
grow a mustache.

- Hey, Max-stache is coming in.

- Just think Phoebe, you could
drop the normal teen act

and be who you were born to be.

- I'll tell you where
I was born to be--

in the driver's seat
of that meat wagon.

- Give me the keys, Hank-yo.

- Unh-unh... once you're
over your evil phase,

then we'll talk.
- It's not a phase!

- Then we're done talking.

- Oh, you just got chirped, son.

Wh-what!

- Barb, don't.

- ♪

- WOMAN: ♪ What you see
is not what you get ♪

♪ Living our lives
with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in,
bet you never guessed ♪

♪ Living our lives
just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture-perfect family
is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer, you might
see the crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make-believe,
it's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family
trying to be normal ♪

♪ And stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Living a double life ♪

- Are we still training or
is Nora having a play date?

- [scoffs] You don't
train in the Thundervan

until you first practice
here in our...

- ...play date.

- Here, follow
along in the manual.

- [thud]

- We'll work
on the balance later.

But first, this
is your driver's seat

and these are
your navigation controls.

- [toys squeaking]
- [laughing]

Continue.

- Your high-tech crime-fighting
center is in the back.

Now to go from the front to
the back quickly, you swivel.

- Got it--swivel.
- Yeah, swivel!

Faster... swivel.
- Swivel!

- Sorry to interrupt
your play date...

- [cell phone chirping]

- ...but Phoebe's phone
is going crazy.

She's getting chirped
on the chirper.

I mean, hash tag, am I right?

- Mom, don't.

Ooh, uh, Cherry's mom
is driving all our friends

to the midnight show of "Last
Teen Mission to Space Part II."

Can I go?
- At midnight tonight?

No way!
- I know, right?

- No, I mean, "No way."

- But Dad, my friends
and I have seen

"Last Teen Mission to Space
Part I" like a million times.

I can't miss Part II--
everyone I know is going.

- Aww, she's got a point, Hank.

- But if you stay
out late tonight,

you'll be too exhausted
to train tomorrow.

- He's got a point, Phoebe.

Not helping... got it.

- Your early admissions
test is in a week.

- Wait, a week...
that's so soon!

- If you don't know your
superhero vehicle

inside and out,
you'll fail.

You don't want to fail, do you?

- Course not...
that's Max's thing.

- Exactly... that's
why you're not going.

You've been preparing
for this your whole life.

So you miss the movie tonight.

Someday they'll make
a movie about you.

- Long as it's not a flop
like somebody's movie.

- Hey, "Thunderpants
the Musical"

paid for this house.

- All right, fine, I'll
stay home and study.

Where'd that Thundervan
manual go?

- Max, stop learning.

- It was worth it
just to hear you say that.

- I'll take that.

Whoa!
[thud]

- Hope that's in your movie.

- Please take me with you, Max.

I would do anything for
a joyride in the Thundervan.

- No can do, Colosso,
but I got you this guy

to keep you company.

- A stuffed bear?

What am I, a child?

- No, you whine
way more than a child.

- [whining] I do not!

- You'll be fine--
just use your imagination.

- Fine.

I'll imagine you care.

Like I'm gonna
play with some toy.

Hmm...

Okay, I'm intrepid explorer
Colosso Beauregard,

and you're my faithful
sidekick Teddy Stuffington.

Today we conquer Mt. Everest!

- [dramatic music]

- No, I love you more!

- Why do I have parents who
enjoy each other's company?

Just go to bed already!

- You know, I should
probably take out the trash.

- You're going
outside like that?

- Yeah, I'll be so fast
no one's gonna see me.

Time me!

Like a human cheetah!

How'd I do?

- Super fast, baby.

- Yes!

- Finally.

- [spy music]

- [keypad beeping]

- Max?
- [screams]

- What are you doing in here?
- Shhh!

- Why are you shushing me--
the van is soundproof.

- Oh, well, in that
case, get out!

Taking it on a joyride.

-You get out--
I'm trying to study.

How did you even get in here?

- I spent the last hour
hacking into Dad's computer

to get his password.
- BOTH: Hamburger.

- How'd you know?
- I've met him.

- Well, since we're both here,

let's take this baby
to Medieval Munchies--

Friday's -for-
turkey leg night.

- No, I'm trying
to study this manual.

- Fine, okay, I'll quiz ya.

All right, so where is...

hyperspeed button?
- PHOEBE: Uh, there.

- MAX: Rocket mode button?
- PHOEBE: There.

- Button that turns on the van?

- Nice try.

- Oh, so you don't
know where it is.

- I'm not falling for that.

- Phoebe, it's okay to not
know everything about the van.

- It's right there!
- [car starts]

- Max!

- Autopilot, take
us to Medieval Munchies.

- Well, Teddy, we're
halfway up the mountain.

Which way next,
my faithful sidekick?

What do you mean
you lost the map?

You fool, you stranded us.

Arghhhhh!!!

- MAN: [in English accent]
Two Henry VIIIs

and two Black Death Coolers.

Thank ye--cometh again.

- Thank you.

- Autopilot, driveth.

Let us hoist
our medieval munchies.

- [cell phone chirping]

- Could I not hear a dying bird

while I eat my turkey leg?

- It's just my friends
chirping about the movie.

- Space Teens?

Phoebe, you're in a
super-powered van on a joyride.

This is a lot more fun.

- But it's not a joyride--
it's a pre-training session.

- Whatever you call
it, it's a blast.

- What happened
to my turkey leg?

- [loud belch]

- Something tells me
that burp comes with a bow.

Autopilot, pull over.

- [loud belch]

Excuse me.

- What are you
two doing in here?

- Playing where
we're not supposed to.

It's how we do!

- Who told you Dad's
password was hamburger?

- The grease stains
on his T-shirt.

- Okay, well, we gotta
get you guys back home.

- No! We don't
want to go home yet!

- Yeah, I haven't
finished my joyride.

- We're gonna get busted.

- No, we're not!
- We're not gonna get busted.

- [shouting over each other]

- Guys! Guys!

- [alarm sounding]

- What did you do?

Everyone was all stressed out,

so I pushed
the de-stress button.

- De-stress?
- BILLY: Uh-huh.

- That says "Distress"...

as in send out an alert
saying, "Hey, world,

"We're a bunch of kids in a van
who shouldn't be in a van!"

- So I should stop pushing it?

- Hank...

- I thought I heard a burglar.

- In the refrigerator?

Look it's the Thundervan's
distress signal.

- HANK: It's gone!

I bet one of my enemies followed
me home from Metroburg

and stole it.

But how did he figure
out my foolproof password?

- You mean "hamburger"?
- [sputtering]

Well, that evil genius is
in for the ride of his life,

thanks to my advanced
security system.

- MALE VOICE: Intruder
Lockdown Mode activated.

- I swear I didn't
push anything.

- ALL: [screaming]

- MALE VOICE: Five, four...

- Everybody buckle up!
- MALE VOICE: Three, two, one...

- [rushing sound]

- It's hyperspeed!

- [slowly] G-force selfies!

Ugh!

We're at the bottom
of the ocean.

- Is everyone okay?
- No,

[screaming] 'cause we're
at the bottom of the ocean!

- We've pushed every button.

Nothing's getting
us out of here!

- MALE VOICE: Two minutes
of oxygen remaining.

- We're running out of air!

- Just calm down, everybody.

Take deep breaths.

- [inhales deeply]

- There's gotta be some way to
turn off Intruder Lockdown Mode.

Uh, let's see... aha!

Chapter .
- Yeah, yeah, right there.

- "Chapter removed
in case you are an intruder."

Uh, "Please see Chapter ,
'Sucks to be you.'"

We really are stuck down here.

- Or not!

- [chuckling]
- You're having a good old time

pushing buttons,
aren't you, Hank?

-Whoever's in the van
deserves this.

- All you've done is bring
it back into the driveway.

- Yes, but thanks
to this simulator,

the thief thinks he was
at the bottom of the ocean,

and now... [chuckles]

he thinks he's riding
at hyperspeed.

- ALL: [screaming]

- [chuckling]
- Hank, shh!

You'll wake the kids.
- Oh, you're right.

We don't want to wake
our little angels...

or Max.

- [keypad beeping]
- [chuckling]

All right, and now,
thanks to my new cameras,

we are gonna see who's inside.

- [alarm beeping]
- "Audio and video unavailable"!

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
that's not good.

All right, better
call Tech Support.

- Can I pretend
to send him somewhere?

- Yep, just be quick.

Hello, this is Thunderman.

I'm having a problem--

oh--uh--yeah, uh, sure.

I'll do it.

Thunderman, away!

I would love to do it
for your boss.

I can't say no to a fan--
I'm all he has.

- Ooh, this one looks scary.

- Well... at least
we're probably not

at the bottom
of the ocean anymore.

- Right, Max... we're
inside a boiling volcano.

Much better.

- Yeah, Max, thanks
for the joyride.

- Oh, and the turkey leg.

It really hit the spot.

- We were just fine
hiding in the back

while Phoebe was studying.

- Hey, you guys remember

when Billy hit
the Distress button?

- Don't you dare bring
this back to me!

- COLOSSO: "This will be
my final journal entry.

"Morale is low.

"Rations are lower.

"I've come to accept
the inevitable.

Tonight I eat Teddy."

Oh, what's that, Teddy?

Oh, I'm just jotting down
a recipe for breakfast.

Well, get some sleep.

I'll take the first watch.

[sinister laugh]

- Okay, guys, there's
good news and bad news.

The bad news is it's
only a matter of time

before the lava melts
through the van.

- What's the good news?
- I don't have any.

Didn't think I'd live long
enough to finish the sentence.

- What are we supposed to do?

As long as the van is
in lockdown, we're...

trapped.

- This can't be it.

I haven't conquered
the world yet.

And I was so close!

Seriously, you guys
have no idea.

- What about me?

I haven't finished
reading Phoebe's diary.

- Nora!

- And I haven't finished
learning how to read.

De-stress? Who am I kidding?

- What are we worried about?

Phoebe's gonna save us!

- Yeah, she's going to be
the best superhero ever.

- I'm not so sure
about that, guys.

- Phoebe, they're right, okay?

You might as well
be a full supe already.

You train like crazy.
- Yeah,

and you were in here studying
when this whole thing started.

- Yeah, Phoebe--
- ALL: [talking over each other]

- You are gonna save us!
- You guys, stop!

I wasn't studying.

I was in the Thundervan
'cause I was gonna take it

to sneak out
and meet my friends.

- ALL: [gasp]

Shocked selfie!

- Ohh, no, thank you, Kevin.

Thunderman, good-bye!

All right, they rebooted
the surveillance system.

Now let's see the criminal
mastermind who stole our van!

- BARB: Those are our
criminal masterminds!

- [on TV] I was gonna
take the Thundervan

and go to the movies
without Mom and Dad knowing.

- She what?

- I know I was supposed
to study tonight, but...

when I got that message
from my friends,

all I really wanted
was to skip training

and go have fun with them.

- Phoebe, that is
so irresponsible.

I'm so proud of you.

- Yeah, well, Mom
and Dad won't be.

I can't help it.

I really like being
a normal girl.

- Is she saying she wants to
blow off being a superhero?

- [on TV] I'm not saying I want
to blow off being a superhero.

I just don't want to go
to Hero University right now.

I want to go to prom
and school plays

and football games.

Isn't that why we moved to
Hiddenville in the first place?

- Yes, it is, baby, yes it is!

Hank, get them out of there!

- [keypad beeps]

- [alarms sounding]

- Not again!

Please, Thundervan gods,

take us to a puppy farm!

- MALE VOICE: Intruder Lockdown
Mode deactivated.

- [yelling] It's horrible!

It's worse than I could
have possibly imagined!

[normal voice] Oh, I live here.

- We're home.

Oh, my gosh, you
guys, we're home.

Wait, how are we home?

- We're sorry, kids--the whole
thing was a simulation.

We thought the van had been
stolen by some evil mastermind.

- Well, technically
you weren't too far off.

- Let's get out of here!

- [electric buzzing]

- PHOEBE: Billy!

- MALE VOICE: Rocket
Mode activated.

- Uh-oh.

- [air hissing]

- It's in Rocket Mode.

They're about to blast
off... for real.

- Blast off to where?

- I don't know!

- [on TV] Kids, do whatever you
can to get out of there.

This is not a simulation.

We're trying to--

- I got it--the manual!

[yelling] I don't want
to get blasted into space!

[panting]

This isn't working!

- Space--space... that's it!

Max, when everyone was
trapped in an enemy ship

in "Last Teen Mission
to Space Part I,"

they escaped by ripping
a hole in the floor.

- Spoiler alert!

- No, Billy, we might be able
to melt a hole in the floor

and get out of here.

- Barb, use your electricity!

- Hank, I can't--
the van's metal.

- Just do it!

[voice wobbling] Ahh,
stop doing it!

- How would we do that?

The melting point of the van's
, degrees.

- Okay, well, maybe if Billy
super-shuffles his feet

and Nora concentrates her lasers

while you and I
combine our heat breath,

it might be hot enough
to melt the van.

What do you think?
- [laser blasting]

- Just waiting for you, blabby.

- MALE VOICE: Blastoff in five,
four, three, two, one...

- [action music]

- My babies, they're...
- Right there?

Thank goodness!
- BARB: I love you guys!

- NORA: Phoebe saved us!
- It was so intense!

- Listen, Phoebe, I heard
everything you said in there

about Hero University.

- Are you disappointed
that I don't want to take

the early admissions test?
- A little,

but I'll always be more
disappointed in Max.

- BOTH: Aww, thanks, Dad!

- Hey, looks like the Thundervan

is just gonna crash
into the ocean.

- Oh no, I left my bow in there!

- [sighs] Thunderman, away!

- Oh, wait, heh...
here it is.

- Honey, I know you want
to take a break from training,

but there's one last
feature of the Thundervan

I want to show you.

Juuust push that button.

[chuckles]

Perfect hamburgers!

- Everybody grab a password!

- Good call on
the drive-in, Dad.

- Bad call on the movie, Phoebe.

- What?

"Last Teen Mission
to Space Part II"

is totes cool.

- Not bad, Mom.

- Yeah, well, I am groovetastic.

Ooh, Barb in the house--

Oh!

- And we're back to don't.

- ♪
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