02x04 - Pheebs Will Rock You

[bunniefuu]

- ♪

- Mom, guess what?

There is the cutest
new boy at school.

- Ooh, yay, tell me
everything.

- He's a rocker.
- Oooh.

- He writes the most
beautiful lyrics...

- Oooh.
- And his name is Oyster.

- Okay, you lost me.

- Here, listen to these lyrics
he wrote for English class.

It's called
"Goodbye Mikaila."

[clears throat]

"I shed tears
on your neck

"As we say goodbye.

"Don't know how
I'll go on without you,

but I'll try."

- I'm sorry,
his name is Oyster?

- It's cute.
Get over it.

Wish he'd write
a song about me.

If only I knew someone
who could introduce me to him.

- Hey, guys, this is Oyster.

- Whaddup?

- Hi!

I mean, yo!

I mean, hey!

- Here, Phoebe,
have a brownie.

Uh, what she was
trying to say

is welcome to
our home, Oyster.

- Thanks,
and fair warning...

we're gonna rock it to
its foundation.

- Yeah, we started a band
with a group of guys

a couple of days ago and our
first gig's this weekend.

Yeah, that's right.
I'm giggin'!

- Yeah? Well, I gigged
back in my day.

I had a band called
Barb Jovial.

Show ya a little taste
of my moves.

♪ Ba da da da dang ♪

- Dude, if we don't go
and rehearse hard,

that's how embarrassing
we'll look.

- Nice, uh...
Nice meeting you.

- Oh.

- Um, okay, bye!
I mean, I'll see ya!

I mean, Aloha,
which is hi and goodbye!

Mom!

Where were you with
that brownie?

You let me get
to Aloha.

- ♪

♪ What you see ♪

♪ Is not what you get ♪

♪ Livin' our lives
with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in ♪

♪ Bet you'd never guessed ♪

♪ 'Cause we're
livin' our lives ♪

♪ Just like all the rest ♪

♪ A picture
perfect family ♪

♪ Is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer,
you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't
make believe ♪

♪ It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal
and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

- Ah, this is totally unfair!

- I can't have a singing
rabbit in my lair.

It was hard enough
explaining your wig.

- Wig?
Oh, how dare you.

This is my real hair.

- Oh, ho, the band
needs fuel.

I'll take those.
- Oh!

No, I wanna
bring 'em down.

I need an Oyster do-over.

- No way.

I cannot have you interrupting
the Max-Eyed Peas.

We're workin' on
a band name, okay?

- Look, not that you
would even care,

but I think Oyster
is cute,

and I kinda wanted
to talk to him.

- You and Oyster?

The Oyster that's
downstairs?

Oyster in my band?

- How many Oysters
do you know?

- Phoebe, Oyster
is...is a bad boy.

He's a rocker.

He sweats poetry and shreds like
a six-armed mutant.

- So, I sweat.
I shred.

- Yo, Max, you got
a bottle opener?

Actually, never mind.

- [lid pops]

- [spits out lid]

- See? Bad boy.

Trust me, Phoebe,
you guys...

are not a good match.

- Yeah, well,
if that's true,

then how come
I can do this?

Ah! Arg!

- FYI. What you're
doing isn't bad.

It's just embarrassing.

- I can't believe
we're gonna be the only kids

in school whose parents aren't
coming to Career Day.

- That's because, if they talk
about being superheroes,

they might give away
that they're superheroes!

- Tonight will be way cool.

My dad's a firefighter

and Chase's mom's
a doctor.

What do you parents
do, Billy?

- Um, they're retired.

It's a fancy word
for "lazy."

- So, they just sit
around all day,

where our parents are
out saving the world?

- My dad saves things.

- Like what?

A spot on the couch
for your mom?

[laughing]

Cool parents swap.

- My dad is way cooler
than yours.

He's a superhero.
- Billy!

- Wait, are you serious?

- Yeah, he can fly,
and he's super strong,

and he has a really
tight uniform

that he used to
look great in.

- Wow! Did you
hear that, guys?

We're gonna
meet a real superhero.

- I just had
the craziest dream

that I told everybody Dad
was a superhero.

- And I just had
a crazy dream

where I dragged you
out of here by the ear.

- Wake up, Nora,
wake up!

- [loud rock music]

[music stops]

- Dudes, we rocked so hard,
an angel fell from the sky.

- This is why
I joined a band.

- Phoebe, I told
you yesterday

not to interrupt my band.

And why are you
wearing that?

- To prove you wrong.

[clears throat]

Hey, guys, I didn't mean to
crash the party.

Cool guitar.
Whatever. I don't care.

- Thanks.
She's my heart and soul.

I found her
at a yard sale

under a pair of
granny panties.

- Oh, I'm caught on
your granny panty guitar.

I mean, whatever.
I don't care.

- [material rips]
- [guitar feedback screeches]

- Ow, my eyes!
- [cymbals crashing]

- Whatever. Whatever.

- [mic stands clattering]
- [drums thudding]

- Oh! Oh!
- She's killin' the music.

- Phoebe, get out!

- I'll get
out when I want to.

Point me towards
the stairs.

- Looks like someone's
trying too hard.

- Cut it, fur-face.

I just made a fool
out of myself,

and now Oyster's never gonna
write a song about me.

- I'll write a song
about you.

♪ Phoebe
you're really creepy ♪

♪ Ooh! Phoebe you
smell like-- ♪

I was gonna say peaches.

- Hey.

Just lookin' to score
some paper towels.

- I'm so sorry for ruining
your band practice.

- Are you kidding?

That was the most rock 'n roll
thing I've ever seen.

Max never told me his sister
was so sweeches.

- Thanks.

I mean, whatever.
I don't care.

- [ornaments shattering]

- You...you are
some kind of thrash goddess.

- Yeah, that's me.

I love gettin'
my trash on.

- [shelf & objects clatter]

- You're blowing my mind!

- Yeah, take that,
knickknacks!

- [sniffing]
Sloppy Joes.

That's why we chose
this school.

- Guys, what's going on?

We've been waiting outside
for half an hour.

- Billy, do you
wanna tell them

that you signed Dad up for
Career Day as a superhero?

- No, thank you.

So, who's up for
Sloppy Joes?

- This guy!

- Hank, did you not hear
what they just said?

- Joes. Sloppy.
Career Day.

[gasps] You told everybody
I'm a superhero?

- Billy, you know your
Dad can't show up here

as Thunderman.

- I tried to tell him,
but he wouldn't listen.

So, if you're not gonna
spank him, I got this.

- I know it was wrong.

But I just wanted to
brag about how great you are.

- Well, I am pretty great.

I'll tell you what--
what if I come to Career Day

and pretend to be someone
even better than Thunderman?

- A flame-juggling
Doctor-Astronaut?

- Pick a school based
on Sloppy Joes,

that's what ya get.

- I got this scar
from stage-diving

off my Mom's mini-van.

- That's nothin'.

I got this one
from a motocross wipeout.

I just looks like
a mosquito bite

that got infected
after I scratched it too much.

- Sweeches!

You know, I don't think
it was an accident

you got tangled up
with my guitar, Phoebe.

I think my guitar
chose you.

- No, Oyster, I chose you
to be in our band--

Maxford and Sons.

Phoebe, stop distracting Oyster
from his life-long passion--

the band we created
yesterday in gym class.

- Yeah, man, we made an oath
and sealed it with sweat

while Gideon tried to
do a pull-up.

- Muscles are first
sell-outs.

- I can't have a band mate
dating my sister.

Are you with us
or are you with Phoebe?

- I told you, Max, my guitar's
my heart and soul.

- I knew you'd make
the right choice.

Let's go rehearse.

- You're not hearin'
me, bros.

My guitar chose Phoebe.

And so do I.
- What?

- Uh, he said his guitar--
- I heard him.

- Phoebe, putting
this band together

is the coolest thing I've done
since we moved here.

You can't steal Oyster.

- Well, I guess you
shouldn't have said

I wasn't a good
match for him.

I want an apology.

- Okay.

I'm sorry...

you look like that.

Phoebe, just go break
up with him,

so he can play
our gig tomorrow.

- Why? I like him
and he likes me.

- No, he likes the bad girl
you're pretending to be

which you can't see
through all that

eye makeup
you never wear.

- I can see fine.

- You're squishing
Colosso.

- Yeah, get your jagged
elbows off of me!

- We're done here. Oyster and I
are going out for pizza.

- Phoebe, you two will
not last.

- Oh, we will.

Oyster already thinks
I'm sweet cheese.

- It's sweeches! You don't even
speak his language.

- [applauding]

- I can't wait to see what job
Dad's pretending to have.

He said it's going to be
better than a superhero.

- I hope so. Morgan's looking
extra judgy tonight.

- So, in other words,
you're a bus driver in the sky.

- HANK: [laughing]

Huh? What do ya think?

I'm an alligator
wrestler.

Now your class won't care
that I'm not a superhero.

- Yeah, 'cause
they'll think

you're the less cool
version of that guy.

- [growling, snorting]

- Shoulda gone with
rodeo clown.

Does anyone around here
have a boring job?

- Uh, Mr. Thunderman,
you're up.

- Can I have a second
to collect my lies?

- What?
- Nothing. I'm going.

[laughing]
Hi, kids.

I am Hank Thunderman,

and I am an honest-to-goodness,
real life...

plumber.

- I shoulda known Billy
was lying.

His dad's not a superhero.

- Oh, hey, plumbers are the
superheroes of waste management.

We plunge
the clogs of evil

and we flush
the pipes of injustice!

- Wrap it up, Dad.

- You know what might
impress these kids?

If you fix the, uh,

leaky water fountain in
the hallway for free.

- Oh, great idea.

Who wants to see me fix
the drinking fountain?

- For free!

- You think we're gonna
choose you over that?

- [alligator snarling,
snapping]

- I sure wouldn't.

- ♪

- Phoebe?

Look at you.
- Oh, thank you.

- No, I mean,
you look stupid.

[laughing]

- Oh, sorry.
My guitar has to sit here.

She always eats with me.

- Okay.

- It's date night.

Ooh, time to get a pic
of me and my baby.

- [laughing]

And you were talking
about your guitar again.

- [phone camera clicks]

- Yep. It's me and her
against the world.

It has been ever since
I lost Mikaila.

- Wait, as in
"Goodbye Mikaila"?

Those lyrics were
so beautiful.

You'll write a song about
me one day?

- No.

- Excuse me?

- I only write songs
about my guitars.

- Wait, so, Mikaila
is a guitar?

- She was,
'til I accidentally

dropped her out of
a hot air balloon.

I thought I'd never
find love again,

'til I met Patty.

- [thinking]
Oh, I see now.

He's crazy.

But he's cute.

Maybe if I squint really hard,
I won't see the crazy.

Nope, still crazy.

We really aren't
a good match.

I hate it when
Max is right.

Oyster, I have
something to tell you.

I'm not really sure what--

Max is doing here!

Excuse me for
a second, Oyster.

Patty.

[sighs]
What are you doing here, Max?

- I'm gonna show Oyster
bad Phoebe's a lie,

break you up, and order
a mushroom calzone to go!

- Seriously?

- Yeah, I'm super hungry.

And, yeah, you're about
to be super single.

- Max, you should have
stayed home

because you just woke
up bad Phoebe.

- [cutlery clatters]
- Ah! Pick those up.

- Yes, Mrs. Wong.

- Oyster, since you like
my sister so much,

I spent my birthday money
on jumbo pictures

to show you who
she really is.

- Dinner and a show.
Awe-sedelic.

- This is your bad girl
at the petting zoo

with a cute little
sheep last week.

- Yeah, right before
I shaved my initials

into its fuzzy
little butt.

- Here is Phoebe's idea
of a good time at the beach.

- Is that a metal detector?

- Yeah, I use it to
trip lifeguards.

- And there she is helping
an old lady cross the street.

- What's wrong with that?

- Uh...

Look at the sheep
one again.

- You look really
cute in this picture.

- Aw. Thank you.

- You two make me sick.

- Oh, baby, did he get you?
- No, I'm okay.

And you were talking
to your guitar again.

- [electric guitar music]

- What are you guys doing?

- Gideon found
a new guitar player.

- She shreds like
a lady wizard.

- [electric guitar music]

- My mom's not gonna be
a member of Bruno Max.

Well, I don't see you
two comin' up with names.

- What if I come
up with a name?

- No, Mom, we're gonna
get Oyster back.

- I don't see why we can't
have three guitarists,

especially a pretty one
that smells nice.

- Gideon, not cool.

- But what if you don't
get Oyster back?

Then can I be
in your band?

- If my new plan to
get Oyster back fails,

and if every guitarist
in the world

breaks both their hands,
yes, you can be in the band.

- Yes!!

- [electric guitar music]

- So, this plan to
get Oyster back,

it's a good one, right?

- We'll have to find out.

Hey, there they are--
Hiddenville's cutest couple.

Hey, I'm really sorry that
I interrupted your date.

- He's being nice.

We should leave before
something heavy hits us.

- No, Phoebe, I'm being
sincere, okay?

I even got you a gift
to show Oyster

you really are
the ultimate rocker girl.

Chainsaw!

He's gonna give you guys
matching Mohawks.

- That's the most romantic
idea I've ever heard.

- Yeah, Max.

[through gritted teeth]
How can I thank you?

- By going first.

- The elbow pipe
is connected to...

the squiggly pipe
which means

if I loosen
this cappy thing...

- [water spurts]
- Ah!

That happens.

Oh, hey, buddy,
I'm almost done here.

- You can stop now, Dad.

- I know you're
disappointed, son.

I am, too. I...

I really wanted to
impress your classmates.

- Don't worry about them.

They're busy watching
an alligator chew on a clown.

- Really?

You're not upset
they don't think I'm a hero?

- No. You're my hero
just for showing up today.

- Thanks, Billy.

Hey, since it's just
the two of us,

how about you
watch your old man

fix these pipes
Thunderman style?

- [laughs]
Cool.

- [metal clanking]

- Ah.

Ha! Ha!

Never doubt
the skills of a man

too cheap to pay
for a real plumber.

[kisses]

- [pipes rumbling,
whining]

- Oh, no, Dad's
fixing things.

- [water splattering]

- Uh-oh, Morgan,
you should--

- I should what, Nora?

- I was gonna say

you should just sit
tight and enjoy the show.

- Already on it, Snora.

- [metal creaking]

- [pipes burst]
- [screaming]

- KIDS: [screaming]
- [alarm bell ringing]

- You're flooding
the entire building!

- Your dad did this?

- Uh-huh,
and thanks to him,

we'll have to cancel school
at least a week.

[groans]

- Wait. No school
for a week?

Your dad really
is a superhero.

- I told you.

Thanks, Dad.

- Wait, did you flood the school
on purpose for Billy?

- Of course, I did.

You're not buying it,
are ya?

- Not even a little.

- Phoebe, don't be nervous.

Patty and I are
right here by your side.

- How comforting.

- Come on, Phoebe.
Chainsaw's time is precious.

He needs to get
back to prison.

- I give free haircuts
to the inmates.

I'm a sweetheart
like that.

- Max, how do you
know this dude?

- I don't.
Thank you, Internet.

There you go, Chainsaw.
Let 'er rip.

- [razor buzzing]

- ♪ My baby
is an Indy Rock girl ♪

♪ Oh Oh Oh Oh ♪

♪ 'Cause she likes to rock ♪

♪ The Indy Rock world ♪

- [laughing]

- ♪ Oh Oh Oh Oh ♪

♪ She's so nice ♪

♪ She's so nice ♪

♪ She's so nice ♪

♪ She loves me ♪

- Ahhhhhhhhhh!!

- [glass shatters]

- Ahhhhhhhhhh!!

I can't do it.
I love my hair.

It's so rich and full
and soft.

- Phoebe, come on.

You're the baddest
girl I know.

You got this.

- No, Oyster,
I got nothing, 'cause...

I'm not a bad girl.

- What are you
talking about?

- Mmm, I'm a good girl.

I love sheep and I think
metal detectors are cool.

I found this earring
at the beach.

I'm sorry, but we're just not
really a good match.

- [exaggerated gasp]

I did not see
that coming.

I wait--I did.

- But my guitar chose you.

She never steers
me wrong.

- Well, it looks like
she's changed her mind.

- Oh, this is weird.

- Wow, Max, she really
likes you.

Is anyone else getting
uncomfortable or...

- I know I am.

- Okay, I guess Patty
has spoken.

Max, will you take
me back in the band?

Whatever it's called.

- If you don't come back,

my mom's gonna be
our lead guitarist.

- So, go ahead and take
the weekend to think about it.

- Gideon, not cool!

- And don't worry, Phoebe,
we're still sweeches.

- Yeah, that's nice.

But I think Chainsaw's
stealing our microwave.

- MAX: It's tough
coming up with a name

that truly captures
this band,

but I think we did it.

From this point,
we will forever be known

as Max's--Mom!

- Hi, honey.
Sorry I'm late.

- Mom, what are you
doing here?

- Well, Gideon called
and said that

you wanted me
in the band.

- Gideon, not cool.

- Looking good, Barb.
- Aw...

- Gideon, not cool.

- This is the first song
I've written

that's not about
a guitar.

It's about a special
little lady

who satisfied a hunger
in my soul.

- Aw...

- Where are you,
Mrs. Wong?

- I right here.

- She gets a song?!

I mean, whatever.
I don't care.

- [rock music]